Forever (Part 1) by Cori Falls @->->- Author's Note Guess what, folks? It's time for another sappy therapy-piece from yours truly! This story is my second attempt at a continuation of Mystic Vaporeon's Memories of Tears. I tried to make myself feel better by writing A Warm Place after reading her fic, but it just didn't work. And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why. I continued the tragic story, I made it so that James didn't really die and never will, but I was still depressed. Why hadn't A Warm Place worked? Why did it fail where my other therapy-piece, Broken Souls, had succeeded? Well, I got to thinking about it, and I soon learned what made Broken Souls an effective story while A Warm Place was such a flop. First off, I made Broken Souls an alternate reality from my own story arc. (I kind of had to, seeing as how the author of The Pinball Machine set their story in a dismal world where Jessie and James never met.) But the alternate reality was precisely what freed me to do whatever I had to in order to bring James back to life and get him together with Jessie -- I didn't have to worry about the impact it would have on my regular fics since it had nothing to do with my regular fics. However, with A Warm Place, I made the mistake of incorporating the story into my own arc. This greatly restricted my creative liberties since I was saddled with the burden of where and when the story was set, how the events would affect my other fics, etc. Another reason Broken Souls worked for me was because it faced up to the fact that James had tried to commit suicide and incorporated the tragic elements of the first story, putting a new spin onto them and turning them into something positive. A Warm Place, however, dodged the issue of James dying altogether and made the tragedy into nothing more than a dream. And to me, the dream solution -- pretending it never happened -- was a cop-out. A weak way to resolve it. Thus, the need for a new fic. But this raises another important question -- why was Memories of Tears bothering me so much? That fic absolutely devastated me -- sometimes when I think about it, I'll cry for days on end, I've had a few nervous breakdowns because of it, and I couldn't watch Pokemon for at least a week after reading it! Every time I saw Team Rocket, I'd burst into tears and think, "Oh, God! James is going to die! Hurry up and tell him you love him, Jessie -- you don't have much time left!" I know this hardly seems like the reaction of a rational person, and I kept telling myself to forget about it and move on, but I just couldn't get it out of my head. This baffled me. It's only a fic, and James would never really die, so why was I so upset? Why was it affecting me so severely? Well, I thought about it some more, and I made a few discoveries. I realized that I wasn't completely overreacting -- lots of my friends were traumatized by that story as well. I'm also aware that I'm an extremely sensitive reader, and bad things happening to characters that I love REALLY hits a raw nerve with me. I know J, J & M are only cartoons, but they have so much depth, and I identify with them in so many ways that they're real to me! (Being "real" to the reader, writer, or viewer is the mark of a great character, after all!) I feel like I actually know TR, they're so real to me -- they're like old friends who come to visit whenever I'm writing! And when you have such a tremendous emotional investment in somebody, be they family, friends...or fictional characters, losing them or seeing something bad happen to them is about the most painful thing imaginable! Additionally, it wasn't one single aspect of the fic that upset me -- it was traumatizing for a number of reasons: The story in and of itself was depressing, despite the author's intended message of courage and overcoming tragedy. Just thinking of that sweet, beautiful James dying such a horrible death at such a young age and poor Jessie and Meowth having to go on without him broke my heart! And to me, the story was made even sadder by the "positive message" of Jessie getting over James's death and not needing him anymore. (That's a really cold resolution to something so awful...and that really leaves me cold!) It isn't in-character either -- Jessie and James are soul-mates! They'd NEVER get over it if they lost each other! Jessie, James, and Meowth are a team, and they're supposed to stay together, no matter what! If one of them died or went away, the other two would be sad forever! ("Holy Matrimony!" is proof of that -- Jessie and Meowth need James, and he needs them!) And being reunited in Heaven over 60 years later is NOT a happy ending -- Jessie and Meowth having to live without James (and James not even getting to live) is too upsetting for that to be a satisfying outcome! What kind of message does a story like that send, anyway? That the only way Team Rocket can ever be together is when they're dead? Yeah, THAT'S uplifting! >P And there was NO reason to kill James off in the first place! It was just wrong! There's a huge betrayal factor. When Mystic Vaporeon first wrote to me, she told me that she was a true Team Rocket fan and that she believes wholeheartedly that Jessie and James are in love and belong together. She then told me that her fics are about the truth and sent me Memories of Tears to read and enjoy. She also promised me that it wasn't a death fic or a tragedy, that it had a happy ending, and that she'd read all of my fanfic submission guidelines thoroughly and agreed with my philosophy. (I'd already said about a million times that I have no tolerance for death and tragedy in fanfic...and that was BEFORE I started sounding like a broken record on that issue!) So naturally, when I went to read the fic, I was expecting it to be good. No such luck. -___- Instead, I was "treated" to a drawn-out (and extremely graphic) tale of James suffering and dying and the "happy ending" of Jessie getting over his death and finally seeing him again when she died of old age many years later! WTF is up with that?! I said that I didn't like fics involving death, and James died in that fic...permanently! How could Mystic think that her story wasn't a death fic?! X___x It just felt like a total stab in the back that she said she'd read my rules and then proceeded to subject me to a fic that broke my most important rule. If I'd just happened upon this fic on some random site, it still would have upset me, but I probably would've shaken it off eventually. However, the fact I was "forced" to read it and wasn't expecting it to be a tragedy made it all the worse to me. It's personal. Memories of Tears brought back a lot of painful memories for me since a lot of the events in that fic mirrored something that happened in my own life. You see, a major reason why James is one of my favorite characters is because he reminds me of my grandfather in a lot of ways. My pop-pop was a self-made man who refused to accept the life he'd been born into, and he went out and made a better life for himself. He was aware of the mistakes his father made, and he made sure never to repeat those mistakes. He was also a sensitive, intelligent, and caring man, and he even had green eyes! (Sound familiar? ^^) My pop-pop and I were very close, but sadly, in early 1992, he became sick from black lung complications (he was one of those Irish Pennsylvania coal miners), and there was nothing anybody could do to cure him. He spent all summer in constantly failing health, and he finally passed away in August. And in Memories of Tears, James's illness was a rare viral infection in his lungs, which couldn't be cured. The descriptions of James's failing health and the way in which he died were almost exactly like what my family went through with pop-pop. Reading that fic was like living the summer of 1992 all over again, and that's something I didn't EVER want to do (and something I'd never want to see anybody else go through...especially not three characters that I love so much! 8_8) It still makes me sad that my pop-pop is gone, but I don't dwell on it because I can always remind myself that pop-pop was 80 when he died -- he'd lived a long, fulfilling life, and it was just his time. Not so with James -- he was still a teenager in Memories of Tears, and his life was just beginning. He never got a chance to live his life, marry Jessie, and raise children with her because he died young. That makes it all the more tragic to me...not to mention harder to forget. Subjecting me to a harrowing experience like that after I'd already been through something extremely similar...well, it felt like Mystic opened a lot of my old wounds and poured alcohol into them. It hurt me more deeply than anybody...even I could imagine. Tragedy in fanfic is something I just can't handle...especially when it affects me on such a personal level. So, instead of continuing to be depressed, I decided to write another therapy-piece and make things right for TR again. This time, however, the fic has absolutely NOTHING to do with my WYDS series, Broken Souls, or anything else I've ever written. Forever is a self-contained alternate reality story where I take creative liberty and do whatever's necessary to undo the tragedy. I also tackle James's death head-on instead of side-stepping it and trying to deny it. I think this makes my new story more effective -- it's incredibly sad for awhile, but the outcome is much more satisfying. (And rest assured, it has a happy ending...a REAL happy ending!) I don't think I'll ever truly get over Memories of Tears and how sad it was, and if I ever have the misfortune of reading another death fic, I know I'll be traumatized all over again and have a few more nervous breakdowns. (Truth be told, I know that I'm forever scarred by MOT -- I came back and redid my notes a few months later, and I was still depressed! I'm probably too sensitive a reader for my own good, but it's not my fault I love TR so much -- I can't help the way I feel.) Writing this new fic wasn't a total waste of time, however -- I think it might be able to help me cope with Memories of Tears a little better because I'll know what "really" happened. Maybe in time it'll give me a little peace of mind. And as for my previous fic? I still like A Warm Place and think it's an effective story in its own right, but it's just not a suitable continuation for Memories of Tears. So, I'll leave A Warm Place the way it is, but it'll just be a generic anti-death piece instead. Now for an important note -- the prologue of Forever is NOT my material -- it's just a recap of Memories of Tears, summing up the illness, death, getting over it, and reunion that Mystic wrote about (I'd NEVER write anything that horrid myself, after all). But starting with chapter one, the story becomes my own, and the healing process begins. (So, I'm not plagiarizing anything! +P) I offer my sincerest apologies to Mystic Vaporeon. I tried to shake everything off and forgive her (and she did apologize to me when she finally started to get an idea of just how hurt I was), but in retrospect, I realize that I really, really can't. It was just too personal to me, and I can't get over that. Don't get me wrong, she's a talented author, but I just don't like a lot of the subject matter that she writes about -- it's too dark for my taste. I can handle dark stories when the author uses their own characters, but not when it involves Team Rocket. When I read TR fics, I want to laugh and be entertained, and I don't find dark or sad stories about them to be entertaining at all. I'm too protective of J, J & M to enjoy stories where they die, suffer excessively, have to be apart for long periods of time, etc., and that ain't ever gonna change! I know Mystic meant well, but I don't really think she understands how hurtful sad TR fics are to me and how much I continue to hurt because of the one I read. That said, I begin my tale. The tale of what REALLY happened to our heroes on that fateful day....