A White Today, and a White Tomorrow: What the BLANK?! undefined undefined More... undefined [Close] undefined [Close] undefined Illustrations by Shigeru1313. What the BLANK?! by Cori Falls @->->- Author's Notes Okay, before ya get started, there's a few things I need to say about this fic. First of all, this isn't anything like any of my other fics -- it's a bit of a departure from my normal writing style. It's actually more of a brainstorm I had while I was watching TV a few weeks ago. I thought it'd be a funny idea for a fic, and while I was chatting with my good friend, Shigeru1313, a few days later, I jotted the idea down in RP-format. I liked the way it turned out, so I decided to keep it the way it was and post it. Now for some notes on what this crossover is all about. Match Game PM is a hilarious game show that aired in the 1970s. It was a little before my time since I was not yet born/a baby when it was originally on, but they now show repeats of it on Game Show Network, and when I saw it, I became addicted -- I watch it every night! The show consisted of two contestants and a panel of six celebrities. The host would read a question aloud, and the panelists had to fill in the blank. Then, the contestants would fill in the blank as well and see how many of the panelists they matched. The object was to match as many of the panelists as possible in three rounds. It was kind of like mad-libs for cash and prizes -- any punster and wordsmith's dream come true! And now back to where this fic came from. One night while I was watching Match Game PM, I suddenly started picturing the cast of Pokemon playing it. (Just another example of how my twisted mind works -- I think of everything in terms of Team Rocket! lol) I think Jessie, James, and Meowth would fit in with the Match Game regulars -- they're masters of word-play. (Sometimes the answers on MG PM got pretty raunchy, too -- it was NOT a G-rated show. And ya just know Meowth would have a field-day with something like dat!) Brock and Misty, meanwhile, are more of the straight-man archetype...and Ash is the one who just doesn't get it. Thus, my panel was born. Then I threw in Gary and Tracey (a character I like and a character I hate, respectively) and juxtaposed them as the contestants. And Professor Oak ties it all together as the host. And that's how it happened. Now if ya still wanna read this thing, be warned that it's not a typical Cori Falls story. It still has a healthy dose of Rocketshippiness (no fic of mine would be complete without it, after all), and rest assured it has a good ending (unless you like Tracey -- this has a LOT of Ash and Tracey-bashing), but it's just...different. I don't want to hear any complaints from readers who weren't expecting a simplistic style of writing from me, I don't want any complaints from people who like Ash or Tracey, and I don't want any complaints from people who can't handle raunchy jokes and crass humor. This is just something I did for fun -- nobody says you have to read it. That said, I bring you the latest creation of my twisted mind -- Match Game PKMN! Read on...if you dare.... @->->- Announcer: From the studios in beautiful downtown Pallet, get ready to match the trainers on Match Game PKMN! With...Ash Ketchum! *Ash holds up a poke ball and strikes a dorky pose.* Misty Waterflower! *Misty makes a vee-sign and winks.* Brock Tor! *Brock grins and holds up a card that says "Dr. Love is in the house!"* Jessie Parker! *Jessie strikes a sexy pose and blows a kiss to her left.* James Woodson! *James catches the kiss that Jessie blew to him and blushes as he brandishes a red rose.* And Meowth! *Meowth makes a face and holds up a card with a goofy grin and the words "Dat's right!" drawn on it.* And now, the star of Match Game PKMN...Samuel Oak!!!!! *The audience applauds as Professor Oak comes onstage and the Match Game theme music starts to play.* Prof. Oak: Hello! Welcome to another exciting episode of Match Game PKMN, the game where the libs are mad and the puns are bad! Now, let's meet our panel.... Ash: *jumps up and strikes another dorky pose* I am Ash Ketchum from the town of Pallet! I'm the world's greatest pokemon master! Misty: *giggles* And I'm Misty Waterflower! I'm the world's greatest water pokemon trainer! Brock: *smiles slyly* I'm Brock. Hello, ladies! If you wanna give me a call, my number is 588-LOVE.... Misty: *grabs him by the ear* Hey! We're here to fill in the blanks, not get dates! >P Brock: Eep! Sorry! ^_^* Jessie: *winks at James* I'm Jessie -- the gorgeous Team Rocket babe! James: *winks back at Jessie and brandishes another rose* And I'm James -- the handsome Team Rocket stud! *The background goes sparkly as Jessie & James hold hands and gaze into each other's eyes.* Meowth: Hey! Get a room, youse two! Jessie & James: >P Meowth: Heh. Now dat dose two love-birds is done, I'm Me-owth -- da top Team Rocket cat! Prof. Oak: Yes, well it certainly looks like we have an interesting panel today. Now let's meet our contestants.... *The Match Game music starts up again as Gary and Tracey come onstage. Gary waves to the audience while Tracey stuffs his face with Twinkies.* Prof. Oak: Our first contestant is my grandson, Gary Oak. Gary, why don't you tell the audience a little about yourself? Gary: Well, grandpa, I come from a family of pokemon researchers -- you're a well-respected pokemon expert, and my parents are archaeologists. I'm concentrating more on pokemon training, though. I've spent the last few months earning badges and practicing for the Johto League championships, but I want to be a pokemon researcher someday, too. Prof. Oak: That sounds wonderful, Gary! ^_^ Now let's meet our second contestant. Tracey, tell us a bit about yourself. Tracey: *gives no reply -- is noshing on Oreos now* Prof. Oak: Tracey? Gary: *aside* Ugh! Whatta pig! >_< Prof. Oak: Tracey?! O_o Tracey: *munch, munch* Oh, sorry about that. My name is Tracey Sketchit! I'm from Tangelo Island, and I'm a pokemon watcher! Meowth: *to Jessie & James* Seems ta me, he should be watchin' his weight, not da pokemon! >) Jessie & James: *snicker* >) Prof. Oak: That's nice, Tracey. +P Well, without further ado, let's bring on the first round of questions. *A panel with two cards pops up at his side.* Gary, since you won the coin-toss, you get first choice. Do you want A or B? Gary: I'll take A, please. Prof. Oak: *picks up card A* Okay, listen up! "Fred said, My wife really takes her waitress job seriously -- last night in bed, she gave me a BLANK!" *The panelists think for a moment and scribble down their answers while disco music plays in the background.* Prof. Oak: Okay, time's up. I'll repeat the question. "Fred said, My wife really takes her waitress job seriously -- last night in bed, she gave me a BLANK!" What do you say, Gary? Gary: Hmmm...I'm gonna say, "a short order," grandpa! *The audience cheers.* Prof. Oak: ^_^ Good answer, Gary! Now let's see if you matched our panel.... Brock: *holds up his card* Sorry, Gary. I said "a menu." *buzzer* Misty: *holds up her card* Sorry. I said "menu," too. *buzzer* Jessie: Well, I've done some waitressing before, and let me tell you, it's a real headache! *holds up her card* I think she did give him "a short order" last night! *ding* James: Yeah, I remember how Jess got the last time she took a waitress job. *holds up his card* I think poor Fred got "a short order," too. *ding* Prof. Oak: ^_^ Well, you've got two matches so far, Gary. Let's see what everybody else said.... Meowth: *holds up his card and grins* I said "a tossed salad," Oakie! >) Brock, Misty, Prof. Oak, & Gary: O_O Jessie: OMG!!! I can't believe Meowth actually said that on TV!!! XD James: I can't believe he didn't get censored! XD *buzzer* Ash: Uhhh...I don't get it. 8P Jessie, James & Meowth: He wouldn't. -____- Ash: @_# I don't understand this game. Can you repeat the question? Prof. Oak: *grumble* The question is, "Fred said, My wife really takes her waitress job seriously -- last night in bed, she gave me a BLANK!" Gary's answer was "short order." What did you put, Ash? Ash: Grrr! That GARY!!! I'LL SHOW HIM!!!! \_/ Misty: Ash, will you just shut up about Gary and tell him your answer?! >P Ash: *holds up his card* Uhh...I put "a spork." *buzzer* *The audience groans.* Brock: *buries his face in his hands* That was horrible! Misty: *sighs* That was embarrassing! *Jessie, James & Meowth pelt Ash with their index cards.* Meowth: You suck at dis game, twerpo! >P Gary: A spork?! What the hell?! That doesn't even make any sense!!! X______________X Prof. Oak: Don't worry about it, Gary. You got two matches. That's pretty good for the first round. Now let's go on to Tracey and question B. *takes the second card* "Rude Rita is so rude...." Everybody: HOW RUDE IS SHE? Prof. Oak: *winces and rubs his ear* "Rude Rita is so rude -- at last night's dinner party, she washed her BLANK in the finger bowl!" *Again, the panelists think for a moment before writing their answers.* Prof. Oak: Time's up! Now I'll repeat the question. "Rude Rita is so rude -- at last night's dinner party, she washed her BLANK in the finger bowl!" Tracey, what's your answer? Tracey: BEEF JERKY!!! Prof. Oak, Gary & Panelists: O__o *The audience boos.* Prof. Oak: Ohhhhkay. Let's see if "beef jerky" is the definitive answer. -___- Brock: *holds up his card* Uhhh...sorry, I put "feet." *buzzer* Misty: *holds up her card* I put "hair." *buzzer* Jessie: Well, the blank was singular, so I think she washed...*holds up her card*..."just one boob!" *buzzer* James: Yeah! And then she washed...*holds up his card*..."the other boob!" *buzzer* Meowth: Hmmm....*holds up his card* I said she washed her "underwears" in da finger bowl! *buzzer* Ash: Uhhh..."spork." 8B *buzzer* Prof. Oak: Well, Tracey, it doesn't look like you matched any of our panelists this time. That means with two matches, Gary is in the lead. We'll be back for round two after these commercial messages.... @->->- Announcer: All contestants of Match Game PKMN will receive a year's supply of Pika-Chow and Meowth-Mix -- top-quality pokemon food for top-quality pokemon.... Meowth: Now dat's a pretty sweet prize! Tracey: Mmmmm...food.... Meowth: O__o;;; Announcer: ....Our second place contestant will also go home with the Potty Putter -- the "tee-set" for the golfer who just can't stop...even when nature calls! Potty Putter -- they put the "go" in "golf!" *grumble* I can't believe somebody actually invented that stupid thing! Who comes up with this crap?! And who'd waste good money on it?! Jeez, whatta lousy prize! Gary: Really! There's an incentive not to lose, if ever I saw one! >_< Tracey: Hey, don't be dissing that fine item -- I think it's a great consolation prize! Gary: You would. X____________X Announcer: There's a few other prizes for our contestants, but I can't read it anymore -- that Potty Putter scared me! X_x Back to you, Samuel.... @->->- Prof. Oak: Thank you, Johnny. We're back for round two of Match Game PKMN! Whoever has the most matches at the end of this round will advance to our Super Match to compete for even more cash and prizes! With two matches, Gary is currently in the lead, so he gets first choice again. Gary, do you want A or B? Gary: I think I'll take A again, grandpa. Prof. Oak: *takes card A* Okay, A it is. Here's the question. "The store clerk said, That Caterpie must be an athlete! He just bought ten pairs of sneakers and a BLANK!" *The panelists think for a moment and write down their answers.* Prof. Oak: Time's up! I'll repeat the question one more time. "The store clerk said, That Caterpie must be an athlete! He just bought ten pairs of sneakers and a BLANK!" Gary, what do you think he bought? Gary: Hmmm...he probably bought "an athletic supporter." *The audience cheers again.* Prof. Oak: ^_^ Good answer, Gary! But did you match our panel? Brock: He did this time -- that Caterpie bought *holds up his card* "an athletic supporter!" *ding* Misty: Oh. *holds up her card* I thought he bought "a sweatband." Sorry. *shrug* *buzzer* Prof. Oak: Since Jessie and James matched Gary's answer last time, they don't play this round.... *Jessie & James are too busy flirting with each other and using their index cards to write love-notes to care.* Jessie & James: *_* Prof. Oak: ^.^ Yes, ahem. Well, let's just go to Meowth and see what he said. Meowth: *holds up his card* Yep. I say he got "a jock strap," too! *ding* Prof. Oak: And how about you, Ash? Ash: *stares blankly* Prof. Oak: Ash, what was your answer? Ash: Huh? Prof. Oak: -_____- I'll repeat the question. "The store clerk said, That Caterpie must be an athlete! He just bought ten pairs of sneakers and a BLANK!" What did he buy? Ash: Uhhh..."an accordian?" *The audience boos as Ash gets buzzed...yet again.* Misty: An accordian?! Ash, he said ATHLETE, not MUSICIAN!!! Ash: So? Misty: >__< GRRR!!!!! *prepares to hit him with her mallet* Brock: *holds Misty back* Don't waste your breath, Misty -- he just doesn't get it. -.- Gary: *groans* Ash, is there no end to your stupidity?! X___x Meowth: An accordian?! Jeezus tap-dancin' Christ! What a ragin' DUMBASS! XP *Jessie & James stop kissing and go into a full-body-contact-terror-hug.* James: Wow! I knew that kid was dumb, but this is ridiculous! O_o;;; Jessie: This is scary! O_o;;; Prof. Oak: *facefault, twitch, twitch* Well, Gary, you got two more matches this round, which brings your total up to four. Now let's see if Tracey can make a comeback. *picks up card B* Okay, Tracey, here's your question. "Farmer Brown said, I think my pig is a cannibal! Last night I saw him in the kitchen, eating a bag of BLANK!" *All of the panelists quickly write down "pork rinds"...except for Ash, who writes "potato chips."* Prof. Oak: All right, pens down, everybody! Time's up. "Farmer Brown said, I think my pig is a cannibal! Last night I saw him in the kitchen, eating a bag of BLANK!" What was he eating, Tracey? Meowth: Dis one should be easy for ya, fat boy! >D Brock, Misty, Jessie & James: *snicker* X) Tracey: *gives no reply* Prof. Oak: Uhh...Tracey? Tracey: *is busy doodling Hentai pictures of Jessie and Misty on his index cards* Ooohhh, yeah! I've gotta make a sketch of this! >D Prof. Oak: Tracey? O_o Gary: What the hell are you scribbling over there, fatso?! >/ Tracey: O.O Uhhh...nothing! Leave me alone! Jessie & Misty: *see Tracey's pictures* OMG!!!!! O_________O;;;;;;; Brock: That's...disturbing! O_o;;; Meowth: You can say dat again! O_o;;; Gary: Holy crap! Whatta perv! O_O Tell me again why you put up with this guy, grandpa! Prof. Oak: To be honest...I don't know why I do either. I think I'm going to kick him out after the show. ~.~* Gary: Good idea! Ash: Uh...what's going on? 8B James: WTF?!?!?! Why the hell are you drawing naked pictures of my girlfriend, you freak?!?! >( Tracey: O___O Uh, oh. *gulp* James: YOU'RE DEAD, FATASS!!! TURN OFF THOSE DAMN CAMERAS!!! >O Meowth: Yeah! Nobody draws naked pics of Jess but James! >P Jessie: Yeah! Only James is allowed to see me naked! >P *The cameras switch off as Team Rocket jumps from the panelist box and charges Tracey.* Announcer: *above the din of hideous carnage* Uh...we are currently experiencing some...technical difficulties.... James: TAKE THAT, YOU FAT PERVERT!!!!! *stomach punch* Tracey: Ouch!!! Jessie: AND THAT!!!!! *groin kick* Tracey: *3 octaves higher than normal* Aaaaahhhhh!!!! Meowth: EAT HOT FURY SWIPE DEATH, LARDO!!!!! *face slash* Tracey: Waaaaahhhhh!!!! Stop it!!!! I want my mommy!!!!! *The audience cheers as the Match Game theme music starts to play again.* Tracey: *goes blasting off* Does this mean I don't get a year's supply of pokemon chow and a Potty Putter? *ding* Jessie, James & Meowth: Good riddance! >) Announcer: *sweatdrop* ....Match Game PKMN will return tomorrow at its regularly scheduled time...hopefully. The End More Author's Notes Heh. I told you it was odd! Now it's time to explain some more stuff. Some of the questions and answers I used in this fic were based on real questions and answers from Match Game PM. The only one I completely made up was the one about Farmer Brown and the cannibal pig. And yes, there really was an episode where the host read the caterpillar athlete question, and the contestant's answer was "accordian." I think that's on record as one of the show's most memorable bloopers. The scene where Ash gave "accordian" as his answer was a reference to that. The Potty Putter, I'm sad to say, is a real product as well. It was never a prize on Match Game PM (thank goodness), but I've seen ads for it on TV. I just couldn't resist the urge to lampoon such an asinine invention. About the names -- anybody who's been following my story arc knows the stories behind the last names I chose for Jessie and James. I named Jessie after Miss Parker on The Pretender, and I gave James the name Woodson because it's the middle name of the real Jesse James. (I don't think that site that says his name is Morgan is very credible. +P) And just like with the Morgan name, I have a really hard time believing that Brock's last name is Harrison and Misty's last name is Williams -- there's no evidence of it on the show or in the movies, and those names don't fit them anyway...which is why I made my own names for them. I gave Misty the name Waterflower as a reference to the "Waterflowers of Cerulean City" episode. And a "Tor" is a steep, rocky cliff, which is why I chose that name for Brock. Also about the characterization of Tracey in this fic -- I really do think he's a pervert. I've hardly ever seen him making sketches of pokemon, like he says he does -- it's almost always Officer Jenny, Nurse Joy, or some other female trainer. And then, he's usually concentrating on their boobs, and he's always got this perverted leer on his face while he sketches. At least Brock just flirts with girls and backs off when they shoot him down -- he's funny and harmless. Not Tracey, though. That guy just disturbs me. *shudder* And yes, I think he's a chubbo, too. He may not be fat like Jabba the Hutt or Eric Cartman, but ya gotta admit he's pretty damn chunky for an anime character. His obsession with pork rinds and other forms of junk food as an explanation for his fatness is an inside joke between me and my friends. And speaking of my friends, I'd like to give a very special thanks to Shigeru1313 for inspiring me to write this fic, helping me with a few scenes, and even making some hilarious illustrations to go with it! I couldn't have done it without ya! *hugs* @->->- Back to the Library @->->-