Yes, 'tis I, the beanster Lentil LaFall. My monstrous buddy wanted me to post this for him, since he's got no real typing ability. I was urged to do this, and I know it's been well-riffed, but... well, I won't comment. You can find more of his work at http://pika-screw.8m.com/mstings.htm or at Fanfiction.net. The spam MSTing is also at the MMF Hall of Humiliation at http://ga.to/mmf. Now, as I was saying... z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z MAGIC WARRIOR THEATER 3000 Episode 203: "Deep-Seated" Fic and spam MSTed by Pika-Screw (cubecutter@despammed.com) Disclaimers: Pokemon is copyright up to now by Nintendo, Creatures Inc., and Game Freak. The anime dub is property of the Summit Media Group and 4Kids Productions. The whole damn thing comes from an idea by Satoshi Tajiri. Mystery Science Theater 3000 was the brainchild of Joel Hodgson, and owned by Best Brains, Inc. Magic: the Gathering is the creation of Richard Garfield, and is distributed by Wizards of the Coast, a division of Hasbro. The Magic Warriors, Magic Warrior Theater 3000, and the likenesses of the Warriors are property of me. All other things mentioned are property of their respective owners. "Love in the Forest" is property of Starri Wandererr, and for hell's sake, (s)he can have it! I know this one's been through the wringer so many times there's not much new to be done... but I don't care, and I'm still covering my ass. The spam in this is property of some dumbass. I hope he dies and rots. This is another lemon MSTing (getting tired yet?), so the usual applies. If you're not 18 (I'm not!) or don't like this kinda thing, hit that back button or die. All that aside, it's time to go for all the gusto I can grab. No commercials. Best Brains, Inc., and Wizards of the Coast present... A ScruYuTu MSTing... Love Theme from Magic Warrior Theater 3000 (obviously to the tune of "Love Theme from Mystery Science Theater 3000") In the not-too-distant future, Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Were hatching an evil scheme. They caught a kid by the name of Hood (that's me) A Magic Warrior for the side of Good, Their experiment needed a good test case, So they signed up with Jerry Falwell And shot him into space! (Get me down!!) We'll send him cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find, (la-la-la) He'll have to sit and read them all, And we'll monitor his mind. (la-la-la) Now keep in mind Damian can't control where the fanfics begin or end, (la-la-la) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his Warrior friends. *Warrior Roll Call* Stephen! (Death becomes you.) Ricky! (Flame on!) David! (Walk toward the light...) Louuuuuuuuuuie! (It's insane.) If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, And other science facts (la-la-la) Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax," For Magic Warrior Theater 3000! (The bridge. All the Warriors sit at a table, eating.) RICKY: Well, I think we've got this Shadow chap on the run. Nothing yet from him, just a spam from some idiot. STEPHEN: Well, not direct from the idiot... DAVID: Hey, the camera's on! Hello there. Welcome back to the Satellite of Magic. You know us, we know you, yadda yadda. RICKY: We were just discussing how things have gone. Two lemons this year, plus spam. But the spams weren't an actual episode, so they don't count... DAMIAN: Before I forget, who cooked this? STEPHEN: That would be me. DAMIAN: (flings his fork at Stephen) You KNOW that garlic is that strong, you ass. STEPHEN: So I added a bit much. Big deal. DAMIAN: For God's sake, I smell like a 16th century peasant! STEPHEN: Okay, I'll tone it down from now on. (The red light flashes.) LOUIE: Oh, how nice, Tony and Big Pussy are calling. (He hits the light.) DR. F: Ah, how are you, Wizards of the Roast? DAMIAN: Bah. DR. F: If you remember, Frank's still not here, mainly because I had to hurt him much after that whole Big Brother Kit incident... anyway, it's time for another Invention Exchange. What do you have, Mana's Boys? STEPHEN: Well, we built something for all the impatient CCG players out there. It's a Deck Machine! DAVID: You just tell it what decks you want from what game, put the cards in, and voila! A deck! Observe. Hood, gimme the cards. DAMIAN: How do I know you won't destroy them? DAVID: This machine's safe, I've checked. DAMIAN: I mean I'm not sure if YOU will destroy them. DAVID: I'm not petty. (Damian hands David a small box of Pokemon cards.) What deck do you want? DAMIAN: The Mind Over Matter deck. DAVID: One MOM deck. (He takes the cards and puts them in the machine. He touches the screen a few times, and the machine begins to grind, whine, and work. It drops one deck of 60 cards.) Here. Check it against your Pokemon TCG Game Boy game. DAMIAN: Hmm... (checks for a few seconds) By God, it worked. LOUIE: And this works for all CCGs! If a new one comes out, you just add an expansion. This machine's perfect! DR. F: Not bad, which is bad. Now... (There is a huge crash from behind Forrester. He turns, and Frank crawls from a pile of rubble. Frank is battered, bloody, and emaciated, but still alive, dammit!) FRANK: You thought I was dead, didn't you?! The rats may have chewed into my brain, but I'm alive! Heh heh ha ha ahahaha! DR. F: Frank, what exactly are you thinking, scaring the hell out of me like that? If I had had a big stick, like this one, (he holds up a 2x4) I would have beaten you to death, like this! (Doc F. proceeds to beat Frank into the ground.) RICKY: Oh well, no fic. I guess we can go now... DR. F: Wait! Your experiment this week is a very well-ground Pokemon lemon... WARRIORS: NOOOOOOOOO!!! DR. F: ...called "Love in the Forest". It may not sound bad, but trust me, it is. And just to change the pace a bit, I've included a bit of Hormel. Now, this is when Frank would send the experiment, but since he's not in good shape, except flat, I'll send it. Have fun, sons! DAVID: Nice to know Frank's not hurt. (On the SOM, lights and klaxons go off and the Satellite rumbles.) DAMIAN: Worry for him later, because WE'VE GOT CRAP SIGN! (They run to the theater.) (Door sequence: Dog Bone first, then... 6: It's a rickshaw taxi. You ride about, picking people up and dropping them off, then ride through. 5: An enemy generator. You whale on it to trash it and stop the grunts. 4: It's a huge chili cheese burrito. You dig in, but only eat enough to make a doorway. 3: It's Chaos and Dr. Robotnik. You grab a ring and kick their asses, then continue on. 2: It's Damian's rival trainer, Dan. He challenges you, but you run along. 1: Only a door marked "restricted" stands between you and the theater. You open it, but find 2 Skedar on the other side. You pull out your Phoenix and blast their asses with explosive shells.) (Theater. The Warriors scramble to sit down, ending up in this order: Ricky, David, Damian, Stephen, Louie.) RICKY: Tell me this isn't a lemon. >Remove instruction at the bottom DAMIAN: With a big, electrified pair o' tweezers. >QUICK CASH SECRET BANKING SYSTEM, THE SECRETS OF THE RICH & >FAMOUS REVEALED >AT LAST!!! RICKY: But I thought the Mafia didn't exist... (note: there IS no Mafia. Really...) >Make money with the abundance of the bank's money STEPHEN: Which is how we all make it. They do give us the money, duh. >$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$ DAVID: One thing you'll never see by doing this... RICKY: Dave, why's your hair devil-horned? DAVID: I like it like this. >LUCKY YOU! GET LOUIE: (speaker) Spammed into next year by us! >FREE "$1,500/WEEK CASH" INFORMATION NOW !!! DAMIAN: You mean (mis)INFORMATION. >$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$ DAVID: Broken money chains make smarter people... slightly. >"Quick Cash Secret Banking System", is now being released to >the general public again, RICKY: After a 9,000-year hiatus. >to benefit anyone who STEPHEN: Is stupid enough to not know the value of common sense... >is interested in generating a guaranteed $1,500+/week cash, >without any HARD work or large investment! DAVID: All you have to do is... RICKY: If you say ANYTHING about selling your soul, I swear I'll bash your head in. DAVID: Question withdrawn, your honor. >(sneep!) RICKY: Whoa! What happened? DR. FORRESTER: We got this with commentary, but we've deleted it with my new SNEEP!master. RICKY: Great, more work for us. >Quick Cash Secret Banking System is the fastest and the easiest >money making system today in the world, used >by all multi-millionaires to pile up cash, LOUIE: Except Billy Gate$. We know how he did it. RICKY: And our athletes. >without any huffing and puffing! DAMIAN: (spamming wolf) I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your Inbox in! >(sneep!) >================================================== RICKY: Hood, how many times must we tell you: use mass transit in SimCity. >It is 100% legal, easy, fast and fun! There is no scam or shady >transaction! STEPHEN: Just like how there's no Spicey Chicken Cartel... (note: there is no Spicey Chicken Cartel...) >Approved by all government agencies, RICKY: Except the FBI, CIA, DEA, ATF, HUD, NEA... >including the US Treasury Dept., American and International >Banking Associations, The Fed, and US Post Office! DAVID: Did we forget all those? Silly us! >It >WORKS in any country in the world that has bank(s) and provides >the facility to open checking account(s). LOUIE: Well, except for the USA, Canada, Great Britain, Japan, China, Ecuador, Mexico, Uruguay... >(sneep!) ><<><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><> ALL: (in Bob and Tom style) FEEEESH! >I guarantee that from this moment on your life will never be >the same again. DAMIAN: (spammer) I now own your immortal soul. >(sneep!) >You will be amazed at how much money you will RICKY: Lose. >be capable of having in just a few days, right from your >Federal Reserve Board. RICKY: Hmmm, I suspect a red, white, and blue rat. >Please, leave the skepticism in the past. If you are skeptical, >this will not work or anything else in life for that matter, >because STEPHEN: (spammer) I said! So there! RICKY: Why? Why don't you tell me why it won't work? >you will not believe. If you were promised $5,000,000 to jump >out of an airplane without a parachute, would you do it? DAVID: Same as if you asked me to do this: NO! >If you >answered "No" you answered Wrong! LOUIE: Riiiiight. >Like the majority of the people, you made a decision before you >had all the facts. Had >you investigated further, you would have found out that the >plane was on the ground. DAMIAN: But yout head is in the clouds, so it all works out... >Do not let the greatest opportunity of your >life pass you by because you were so eager to jump into >conclusions that you did not get all the facts. RICKY: (feeling a bit ticked at this jerk) Listen, you two-bit hack, we HAVE the facts on this, from our friends at the MMF Hall of Humiliation. We know you're a lying sack who doesn't have the first clue why this won't work. DAMIAN: Rick, take your Dexadrine! >Please, read on and try to >get the concept of what I can give you here and now, before you >form any opinions. STEPHEN: Too late, campeon. >Ok, I think that you are ready to begin now. DAVID: It's already begun. >I want you to follow exactly the instructions that you are >about to read. Let me be LOUIE: (spammer) Frank. You're not getting aquat from this, except a big lesson in economics. >your guide throughout the entire booklet. It is financial >health you are looking for and I sure know how you can get it. DAMIAN: Diet, exercise, and all that rot. >So, RICKY: A needle pulling thread. >follow my instructions. DAMIAN: Jump up my butt. >MAKE MONEY WITH THE BANK'S MONEY >During a 6-month period you will be able to deposit 50,000 >dollars in your personal bank accounts, without doing anything >at all! RICKY: Then it won't get deposited, since you won't do anything... >(sneep!) >Let me elaborate just a little. "You do not do anything >physical to bring in this kind of money!" The bank does all >the work for you at your convenience, STEPHEN: We've had this for a little while. It's called "internet banking". A lot of larger banks have it. Dumbarse. >and as long as you keep your account "open" they almost have no >choice! I will show DAVID: (spammer) My special parts to you! OTHERS: Ew! >you how to make a minimum of $5,000 a month by just opening a >bank account. But that is just the tip of the iceberg! LOUIE: It's what lies below the surface that is deadly... >By opening a bank account, I will teach you how to have that >kind of money deposited into your bank account Automatically, >though a built-in automatic process that I will DAMIAN: (spammer) Automatically automate it for you automatically. LOUIE: Did this guy ever write for Speed Racer? >personally show you. That is the beauty of the $ecret Banking >$ystem! Imagine RICKY: Holy hell, it's Robert McElwaine! (note: R. McE is an infamous theorist whose name is well-known in MSTing circles. His trademark is using $ instead of S.) >making $5,000 a month for each bank account you "open". And STEPHEN: Losing $20K for every one the bank "closes". >aside from opening the account, it does not cost you >anything! DAVID: Except your freedom, decency, and clean record. >Just one bank account can make you financially independent for >life! >Now Think Big. Think of the same idea on a slight larger scale, >like two or three bank accounts working at the same time each >producing a guaranteed monthly income of $5,000 each. LOUIE: Isn't there a term for this? "Money laundering"? >As of today, I have 13 active account @$5,000 = $65,000 per >month, every month, 12 months a year. DAMIAN: This doesn't take into account the taxes, legal fees, fines, and contracts he's involved in... >I assure you, there is no print error. I said 65 thousand >dollars per month! DAMIAN: I covered the rest. >In summary this is how the formula works: YOU walk into a bank, >open a bank account, follow the instructions like a recipe in >a cookbook, and 30 days later you will make $5,000. RICKY: then 5 days after that, they'll take the money from you, and several guys in white hats will come for your head. >And one of the most amazing realities of the $ecret Banking >$ystem is STEPHEN: That it has dollar signs for S's. >that you can begin with literally $0, zero money. DAVID: If you have that, then WHY are you reading this? >(sneep!) >In the $ecret Banking $ystem manual, in an easy to duplicate as >a set of LOUIE: Uh? >"blueprints", you will find out for yourself where all the >money comes from and how it is added up for you. DAMIAN: Add this: two middle fingers on my hands to your eye sockets. >I realize what I am originating to you may sound impossible, >but I promise you, it is possible, doable and simple. There is >not >shortage of money, RICKY: Which contradicts what we learned in Consumer Education. If money isn't scarce, it isn't valuable. >the Federal Reserve Board creates money daily but most of it >must pass through and circulate in the banks >over and over again. That is how banks run. DAMIAN: Very good. You get a biscuit. >That is where this Ingenious $ecret Banking $ystem comes in. >All you need is the STEPHEN: Gun that you should have in your mouth, to shoot all the people who do this. >$ecret Banking $ystem manual to start making big money. IF YOU >ORDER TODAY WE SHALL ADD AT NO EXTRA >COST TO YOU, THE FAMOUS "101 High Profit Businesses You Can >Start Online For Little Or No Money", DAVID: And people like this are living anti-proof. >PLUS 1,000,000 ONE MILLION OPT-IN ADDRESSES- FREE!! LOUIE: And this seals his fate. He's a classic spammer. Those are NOT opted-in, they're harvested. Get a poison script. >(sneep!) >That you obtain your very own copy of the $ecret Banking $ystem >and the above mentioned, take the first step and invest only >$49US for something that is worth its weight in gold. DAMIAN: Since it weighs about 0.00000000000000001 mg, that's saying nothing. >Copy and mail-send a cheque, (we accept cash) or money order >to: RICKY: Satan, 666 Brimstone Way, Hell, Universe. >(sneep!) >All Moreir . >15 Pape Avenue Suite 409 >Toronto, Ontario, Canada >M4M 2V5 STEPHEN: Why didn't he pepper "eh?" all over this? (I don't want to offend Canadians. This is just a riff.) >___________ DAVID: He's in asystole! CLEAR!! (bvvt!) >ORDER FORM >Name ________________________________________________ LOUIE: I'm... Batman! DAMIAN: I'm Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town. RICKY: My name is KIIIIIIIIIIIID! KID ROCK! >Address ______________________________________________ STEPHEN: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C. DAVID: Bates Motel, R.R. 1. LOUIE: See Satan riff. >City _____________________ DAMIAN: Gotham. >State_________ RICKY: New Joisey. >Zip_____-________ STEPHEN: WinZip. >Fax (_____) _____-______ DAVID: Just the fax. >E-mail address _________________________________________ LOUIE: President@whitehouse.gov. >Send me the $ecret Banking $ystem right now, please. Here is >the $49US. DAMIAN: Double cross, baby! (blam!) >Write legible please RICKY: Just like how you don't? >________and check here for fastest service if you would like to receive this information by >e-mail as an attachment and save the $5.00 shipping and handling fee. STEPHEN: (generates smoke ala Tom Servo) Oh, that's not right... >IF YOU ORDER TODAY DAVID: We'll throw in this free set of touch-activated lights and a singing fish! >WE SHALL ADD AT NO EXTRA COST TO YOU, THE FAMOUS "101 High >Profit Businesses You Can Start Online For Little Or No Money", >PLUS ONE MILLION OPT-IN ADDRESSES- FREE!! LOUIE: Try this address: Hell@go.to. >If you realize that you are on this list in error or have changed your mind or if you do not >want this type of information, please DAMIAN: (spammer) ^&#$ off, because we have you now! Dwa ha ha ha ha ha! >reply to this e-mail with "REMOVE" in the subject field and you will be removed immediately! >I apologize for any mistake, intrusion or inconvenience, if any. Under Bill 1618 Title 111 >passed by the 105th U.S. Congress, this message can not be considered SPAM as long as we >include a way for it to be removed from future mailings RICKY: That's a f*cking lie and YOU KNOW IT! >Foundations of Wealth >If you wish to learn more……please read on DAVID: How about not? >A few years ago I believed that I really had to work hard to make money. LOUIE: Hang on to that, you'll need it where you're goin'. >(sneep!) >I thought that the more I worked, the more money I was going to make. But after a while I >realized that I was not getting anywhere. I was working like a slave and I was not seeing any >satisfactory results. I wondered why I wasn't because I sure was applying the time and the >effort. DAMIAN: Then why are you doing this? >I realized that I needed to make a change. For months I tried to find that special answer that >I needed. I tried different things, but none of them worked. I was lost. Finally, I was ready >to give up my dreams and continue living that ordinary life that I was used to living. You >know, that wake up, go to work, come home, have dinner, and go to bed sort of life. RICKY: You shoulda stuck with that. >That kind of life that I am very sure you are used to living. But no! I had to give it one more >chance. I could not quit that easily. So, an idea came to my mind and I decided: "If I want to >be become extremely wealthy, why don't I study people who already are extremely wealthy and >interpret what they are doing?" STEPHEN: Because you're not worthy of programming. >(sneep!) >So that is what I did. After a few months, I realized that the majority of the extremely >wealthy people did not work that hard. >(sneep!) DAVID: Wow, an enclosure. >Also, the majority of them not only had enough money to buy another planet, but they also had >the time and the freedom to enjoy it. That is what I consider true wealth, and that is exactly >what $ecret Banking $ystem is all about. LOUIE: I thought it was about money laundering, scamming, spamming, and lying out your rear end. And using $ instead of S. >The ability to have free time and be able to do what you choose, when you choose it. I think >that is where the majority of the people get confused on the definition of wealth. Wealth is >not just money. Wealth is also the ability to DAMIAN: Control anyone in the world. >spend it the way you choose to do, when you want to do so. Having accomplished my goals, my >purpose now is to help those that are in the situation I was in; my purpose is to turn you >into RICKY: A legion of Satan. >a "true" wealthy person; I want you to have great amounts of money, and great amounts of free >time to enjoy it. Now, the first step to accomplish this is the one that a lot of people do not >pay that much attention to, yet it is one of the most important aspects of true wealth. I am >talking about the mental aspect of true wealth. Hang on! I know you are tired of listening the >same psychology song over and over. Do not worry! The mental aspect of true wealth is actually >very simple and easy to apply. It is STEPHEN: (chanting) I own your arse... I own your arse... >actually like a list of steps that you have to "get into your mind" before we really get into >the "secrets" of making money with the DAVID: Lemme guess: $ecret Banking $ystem? >bank's money that I have been talking about so much. DAVID: I was wrong! DAMIAN: No million for you, Mr. Block. >Once you know all these steps and are ready to apply them, then >you LOUIE: Shoot yourself for even thinking about it. >will really be ready to start the journey. >Please! Do not jump this section thinking that you do not need >any mental preparation. It is very important! Remember, follow >my instructions and you could be sitting on gold in just days. DAMIAN: Grab a pickaxe and prove that you are now. >Do you remember the three "keys" to success that I explained on >the web site? If you forgot, the three "keys" to success are: RICKY: Lying, spamming, and using lots of dollar signs and cpaital letters. >1.Timing: Being at the right place at the right time. >2.Having Vision: Seeing potential in what is being presented. Having the ability to see >success. >3.Taking Action: Going one step further than the rest. Doing >instead of saying. STEPHEN: You've done none of these. >(sneep!) >(sneep!) DAVID: Wow! A double-header! >These three "keys" are essential to recognize success, and to make it a part of your life. Now, >once you have made the decision LOUIE: To jump off that bridge and end your stay in this world of idiots... >to "Take Action," your next task is to follow what I call "The Ten Steps To Success." DAMIAN: What the f*ck is this, the Betty Ford clinic?! >As I said before, they are very simple, but extremely important if your purpose is to achieve >true wealth. I would happily give them to you as part of the Training I provide when you obtain >the $ecret Banking $ystem. Get your copy today! RICKY: You'l get a copy of the LIFE_STAGES.TXT worm first. (The screen flickers a bit as the reels are switched. On the screen is the word "waiting".) DAVID: To exhale. (The screen goes blank, flickers again, and the fic begins...) RICKY: We are so damn lucky. LOUIE: Yes, much luck... all bad. >Love in the Forest DAMIAN: Hate in the South. >A Pokemon Hentai Fanfic RICKY: Happy, happy, joy, joy. >By: STEPHEN: Bye! (gets up to leave) DAMIAN: No. STEPHEN: Dognuts. >Starri Wandererr >Email me at: Starrrlightdragon@Yahoo.com DAVID: Do you do Yahoo!? >Warning: This is a Hentai/Lemon/Ecchi fanfic of Pokemon. LOUIE: Make a decision. And make it your final answer. >That means that it contains strong sexual scenes and nudity. DAMIAN: Nudity in text... sounds like something a lamer does. >Please do not read this fanfic if you are not at least 18 years old or above >or are offended by sex and/or nudity. RICKY: We don't have a choice. >You have been warned so follow the rules! RICKY: WE are the order here. >Otherwise if you do continue I hope you enjoy my fanfic! STEPHEN: Like the bubonic plague. >Disclamer and legal stuff: Pokemon is owned and copyrighted by, >c. 1995, 1996, 1998 Nintendo, CREATURES, GAME FREAK. DAVID: Why didn't you just put in a screenshot from the game's title screen? >I do not own Pokemon or any of Pokemon's characters. I'm poor. It >would be awesome if I did but sadly I don't (Boo Hoo). LOUIE: Cry me a f*cking river. >The only thing that I lay claim to that I own is this Fanfic. DAMIAN: Not a good idea. >This fanfic can be distributed freely provided that, 1) it >is not altered or changed in anyway, shape, or form whatsoever. DAMIAN: Violation of 1, check. >2)That no money is made of it or it is sold (fanfics should and are >always supposed to be free) DAMIAN: Violations of 2, check. >3)That if you put it on another website please email me the address >(so I can keep track of where it's at). DAMIAN: Violations of 3, check. With bad grammar to boot. >Thanx! ^_^ RICKY: >_< >I dedicate this fanfic to my friend Peter RICKY: Yeah, your friend the peter... I mean... ha. >and to everyone out there that believes that Misty and Ash are the perfect couple and STEPHEN: Those people are retards. >are secretly in love. Thanks Peter for a night on the phone of DAVID: Wild, 976-number-worthy phone-sex. >Pokemon jokes that led to the creation of this fanfic. Without >that conversation I never would've written this, my first fanfic, >as well as my first Hentai fanfic. LOUIE: And does that mean you expect mercy? Do NOT expect that from us! >This story takes place later on in the history of the show Pokemon since Ash has a >Lickitung and a Graveler, plus he is traveling toward a city called Carades that >all of us have never heard of before. DAMIAN: Gee, what a surprise. As usual, Ash and Misty are traveling out in the middle of nowhere to some author-created town, and along the way one of them can't hold their feelings back anymore, thus causing a sudden blurting of such feelings and then poorly-written sex scenes. And as usual, the author assumes that Ash and Misty just have to love each other, despite how obvious it is that it wouldn't happen, due to their ages and definite attitudes. Rather than not trying and inadvertently writing good romance, this one will try too hard and end up being awkward at best. DAVID: Hood, chill. We haven't even gotten to the actual fic. Well, we have, but... >Let the show begin!! RICKY: Please, let's pre-empt this... >Ash and Misty were continuing their journey across new lands >to capture more Pokemon. Ash was searching like he always has for >any new Pokemon on his way towards the next Gym. STEPHEN: Where, as usual, he'll get his ass kicked, then win or "earn" the badge. >Misty was following Ash for the reason that he still owed her a new bicycle. DAVID: Of course, after this, the debt will be considered paid in full. >Brock was at another town visiting with some friends and said that >he would catch up with them soon. LOUIE: Riiight, visiting. We know how that visit'll go... STEPHEN: Bomp-chicka-bomp-wow... >Pikachu went along with Brock to help protect him because they were going to have to go through >a dangerous city to get to their destination. DAMIAN: So what happened to Brock's Geodude, Onix, Zubat, and Vulpix? >Ash and Misty arrived in a forest with no name RICKY: Which is so because the author was too God damn lazy to think of one. >about 3 days ago and Ash during that time had been looking for any new Pokemon >or any signs of new ones. STEPHEN: No surprise there... I wonder if he uses deer-tracking methods... RICKY: (Ash) Hmm... I see Oddish droppings... there's gotta be one nearby! >Luck wasn't on his side and neither he >nor Misty ever saw any wild Pokemon or people for the past 3 days. >Ash and (especially) Misty were starting to feel very miserable, DAVID: As were we. >dirty, LOUIE: Dirty like Larry Flynt, baby. >and tired. What made things worse was the fact that they >were both almost out of the food and supplies that they had for >their journey. DAMIAN: They're running outta protection? *KA-WHAK* DAMIAN: Oy gevalt! That hurt! >Earlier Ash, according to his map, figured out that >if they took this forest route then the time to get to the city >Carades would be cut in half and would only take almost a whole >day. Unfortunately their map was incorrect. RICKY: Maybe Ash shouldn't be navigator. DAVID: Or maybe he shouldn't buy maps from guys on street corners. >So Ash and Misty decided after a lot of walking around that >they should rest for awhile. STEPHEN: Yeah, walking does that to you. So does bike riding... oh wait, Misty doesn't know about that! Ha! >Misty spotted a small slow moving river DAVID: (singing) You know a dream is like a river / ever changing as it flows / and the dreamer's just a vessel / that must follow where it goes... >nearby and so they took their break there. Misty found a >large flat rock near the river and laid back on it stretching out. LOUIE: She got up, though, when this huge cow started pissing on it... >Ash called out his Graveler Pokemon and sat down on it. Misty >asked, in a tired voice "Ash, have you ever kissed a girl before?" DAMIAN: (Ash) Does my mom count? RICKY: (Misty) I mean a real kiss. DAMIAN: (Ash) See first question... >Ash was caught totally off guard by the question and asked, "Why do >you want to know?" RICKY: (Misty) It's becuase i'm trying to lead you on until I can rip your pants off and ride you like a palomino. DAMIAN: (Ash) Uh, like I said, why do you want to know? >"Oh, just curious, that's all," answered Misty innocently. "Well not a girl but a...," >Ash paused. "A what Ash?" STEPHEN: Something tells me we don't want to know... >"Oh, never mind you don't want to know." "Yes I do, that's why I >asked the question, you dork! So tell me!" DAVID: It's that time of the month, isn't it? DAMIAN: For Misty, it always is. >Misty yelled with her hands pulling out his hair. LOUIE: Which hair? *WHOCK* Okay, I didn't deserve that... >"OK, OK! I experienced it with one of my Pokemon!" DAMIAN: He "experienced" it? Exactly HOW FAR did he get?! >"Really?" Misty was surprised. "Pikachu?" She inquired. "No," Ash replied as he takes out >one of his pokeballs. "Lickitung," RICKY: Oh, puke. DAVID: Bet that felt good. >says Ash as the Pokemon is released from its pokeball. "Really, a Pokemon!" says Misty >surprised. STEPHEN: Yes, really, you dim bulb. >Ash looks ashamed and DAVID: He really should be. But not only for this... >embarrassed. "I can't wait now to tell everyone your embarrassing >secret, ha ha." LOUIE: I don't think Misty talks like a typical lamer... >Ash's face grew more red and embarrassed at this. "Hey, Ash just kidding don't worry your >secrets safe with me." DAMIAN: The secret's out: there's no punctuation here! >Then suddenly all of Ash's 6 pokeballs burst open and his Pokemon came forth. "Oh!" said >Misty in surprise. "What the heck that's never happened before," commented Ash. RICKY: That might be because it can't happen. A Pokemon can only break the hold of a ball if it is trying to escape capture, and then only if it's strong. >Misty asked, "What's wrong?" "I have no idea" replied Ash, "but a Pokemon Center would >probably know. STEPHEN: Well, one thing's for sure, the author's not giving reasons... >So, I guess we'll just have to leave them loose till we get there." >So Ash and Misty rested by the river for awhile. DAVID: Actually, they didn't get that much rest, eh? Eh? STEPHEN: We're not that far in yet. >Ash with his head in his hands is starting to worry about the problem with >the lack of food and supplies now along with his pokeball problems. LOUIE: He should worry about the constantly-switching tense... and about that mean-looking Beedrill sneaking up behind him... (note: I like Beedrill, mainly because it's vicious. That's why it gets into these kinda riffs.) >He is starting to feel like he can't take it much longer. DAMIAN: (Scar from "The Lion King") You have no idea. >Ash RICKY: Says "Hail to the king, baby." >starts to wonder aloud, "What should I do?" "What should I do?" over and over again. STEPHEN: Well, there's a river there, and if you knock yourself out, you could end up face-down... >Graviler, hoping that Ash will get off him DAVID: That's really sick. STEPHEN: He said "get off him", not "get off on him". You sick little shit bolus. >soon because he is getting tired of Ash sitting on his body says "Graviler," LOUIE: I thought they were supposed to say only their names... except Mewtwo and Team Rocket's Meowth... DAVID: He's trying, but the author's not letting him. >because that is the only word he can say. "Graviler, Graviler, Graviler," he continues. >Ash then lifts up his head and takes a look at Misty sleeping in the bright glistening >sunlight. DAMIAN: Ash gets blinded and needs a seeing-eye Growlithe. >He notices how beautiful she is for the first time and suddenly feels very attracted to her. RICKY: Yes, all of a sudden, he becomes hot for her. Don't you think he'd do that really early on? Well, assuming he has any feelings like that... yet. >He starts to think, "I know what will get rid of my boredom and take my mind off these >problems." STEPHEN: Can I start to make the backbeat sounds now? DAMIAN: Backbeat away. STEPHEN: (as loud and deep as he possibly can) Bomp-chicka-bomp-wow-Let's get it ooooooonnn... RICKY: Cool. >"I will Graviler," says Ash with a lustful grin and a look of desire. DAVID: Ha! I was right! STEPHEN: I think he's going to be doing something to Misty, you little freak-nasty. >"Thanks Graviler for the good advice," says Ash as he pats his Pokemon on the head. >"Graviler, Graviler, Graviler," continues Graviler. LOUIE: Translation: "Fuck you, pal." >As Ash gets up off Graviler and heads toward Misty he notices that his penis is starting to >harden and his heart is beating faster than before. DAMIAN: And the "Go, AMP, Go!" Award For Too Much Information goes to... >Ash puts his hand down his pants and feels his quickly hardening penis and thinks, "this is a >strange RICKY: (Ash) Thing for me to find... DAVID: How appropriate... I think... >but good feeling, I can't believe that I've gone this long to notice Misty's godlike beauty." STEPHEN: Well, that's okay, if you like flat-chested 11-year-olds... RICKY: Fog, he's 11 too. Or did you forget that? >Once Ash gets right next to Misty he slowly reaches down towards her face and with his two >hands gently on the sides of her face he leans forward and wakes her up with a slow sensuous >kiss. DAVID: And where did he learn this? RICKY: We covered that earlier... >Misty quickly opens her eyes with not a smile but with a look of anger on her face. STEPHEN: Well, I'd be pissed, too. >"Why did you wake me up, you dork! I has having a great dream!" DAVID: Get your linking verbs right. >"I'm sorry Misty, but I...I...I..." Misty yelled, "Spit it out you loser!" LOUIE: Yes, spit it out, loser. You sorry little... >"I LOVE YOU!!!" DAMIAN: And we have the awkward moment. >"You love me?" Misty said suprisedly. "Yes I do, very much!" "Well....," Misty was at a loss >for words. RICKY: We're not. Boy, this bites... >"You really love me?," Misty asked again. STEPHEN: (Ash) No. I just wanted to see the look on your face. >Ash came back with the same answer. Small tears came down Misty's eyes. Ash asked, "What's >wrong Misty?" DAVID: (Misty) I'm a lesbian! And there's something in my eyes... >"Nothing's wrong Ash I am just surprised and happy to hear you say those words. Because I >too love you and have for a long time. LOUIE: Like about two seconds? >I never said so to you because I always thought that you could never love me because of >the way that I always yelled at you and treated you." DAMIAN: That makes no difference. STEPHEN: You know this from experience? DAMIAN: Sort of... >Ash walked RICKY: Off a nearby cliff in his excitement, Misty followed, the end, let's go already... STEPHEN: I should rip your nads off for that. >loser to Misty and gave her a really close hug that lasted for two minutes. STEPHEN: What, did they time themselves? >So Misty with her tears now gone said, "That was a very romantic way of announcing your love to >me, Ash. "Kind of like Sleeping Beauty with the Prince. So what do you want to do now?" DAVID: Did we switch people here? >"I was hoping that I could announce my love to you in a more romantic, greater way." "Oh, and >what would that way be my love?" LOUIE: Oh, harf. DAVID: (Ash) Get on your knees and start proclaiming! >"For me to seduce and make love to you", Ash said smiling. DAMIAN:Ain't gonna work, pal. You can't seduce her unless she's not yet willing. LOUIE: Thank YOU, Noah fucking Webster. >"Oh, you mean sex!", said Misty grinning. RICKY: Well, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH! >"Yeah, exactly" Ash replied. Misty asked, "Are you a virgin?" DAMIAN: (Ash) Uh, does my mom count? RICKY: I won't dignify that with a response... >"Yeah, how about you?" "Yeah, I am too. I've saved myself for you Ash through all of these >years. RICKY: Uh, they haven't even been around that many years. Duh. >You know that dream that you woke me out of Ash?" "Yeah", replied Ash. "The dream was about >you and me STEPHEN: (Misty) In this weird horror movie called Evil Dead. You had a chainsaw for a hand. RICKY: (Ash) Cool! >having wonderful hot sex." "Wow", said Ash his penis getting harder and harder all the time. DAVID: We have a competitior for the "GAG!" Award... >"So," said Misty, "this will be a lot of fun, because it is both our first times and we are >going to be doing it outside during daylight in this forest." LOUIE: How would that be so fun? With all sorts of bugs crawling in places you didn't know you had? >Ash slowly moved toward Misty and put his hands in her's and STEPHEN: Began to scream as he realized that his hands weren't attached to his wrists anymore. As the blood drained from his body, Ash could only think about how close he was to getting his first piece of ass. DAMIAN: First? RICKY: Don't say it. Or I'll put liquid heat in your jocks. >stared deep into her green eyes. "I've been wanting to do this for a long time Ash," Misty >said with desire in her voice. DAMIAN: I thought we guys were supposed to be the ones always wanting sex. DAVID: At last, equality. >Misty and Ash at the same time slowly moved their lips forward to kiss. Once STEPHEN: They realized that their lips had fallen off, they ditched the kissing idea. RICKY: Exactly how much time did you spend in the Combat Simulator today? STEPHEN: 6 hours. And it was only three games. >they touched there feelings of love and joy increased toward one RICKY: I'd complain about the misuse of that form of "their-they're-there", but it could actually work. DAVID: Good grammar here? Perish the thought. >another. Ash kissed Misty all over her lips. DAVID: (Ash) Where's those lips? Maybe here? Or here? No, here... >Misty opened up her RICKY: Another for the "GAG!" Award. >lips RICKY: Never mind. >slightly along with Ash and slowly slid her tongue into Ash's mouth. Ash slid his tongue into >her mouth too and LOUIE: That's just impossible... >they both felt an aura of wonderful feelings enter at there tongues and DAMIAN: Ricky, you were saying about that word? >flow throughout their bodies. They had a wonderful first French kiss that lasted several >minutes. RICKY: Well, it actually lasted about one minute, but it seemed like several to an outsider because they forgot to breathe... >As there tongues were entwined about each other there desire for STEPHEN: Misusing "there" just exploded. >each other grew more and more and there hands DAVID: Okay, now this is just annoying. NO English-speaking human could possibly mix that word up that many God damn times. STEPHEN: Well, it could be worse... this could be peppered with horrible grammar, misspellings, and to top it all off, as badly written as it could be. DAVID: Quiet, you fool! You want the Doc to hear you? FORRESTER: Too late. DAVID: You die, Joe! >were all over each other and touching through their clothing many of there secret places. LOUIE: Like I said about the bugs crawling in places you didn't know you had... >Ash then kissed Misty all over on her face, ears, and DAMIAN: He quickly stopped after he ended up kissing a big chunk'a- STEPHEN: ANYTHING gross from you and I make you into a meatloaf. >especially on her neck giving her several hickeys. Misty then started to remove Ash's clothing >to uncover the secrets that lay hidden within. RICKY: (Misty) Oh, my GOD, this thing is deformed! DAMIAN: (Ash) Is it that big? RICKY: (Misty) No, but I don't think I've ever heard of one that small! DAMIAN: (Ash) You're the one to talk about "small", you board-chested bitch! >She quickly took off his Pokemon League hat, gloves and jacket. Then she stripped off his >shirt. The only visible things left were his pants, shoes and socks. So she quickly threw >off his socks and shoes. STEPHEN: How she got the socks off first is a mystery to this day... >Now the only thing left between her and her great desire was Ash's bulging pants. The bulge in >Ash's pants RICKY: How much competition is there for the "GAG!" Award? >was growing bigger and bigger in size every minute. Pretty soon, DAVID: It was so big, you could see it from anywhere... >thought Ash, if I don't get these pants off either my hardon is going to break in half or these >pants will tear in half. LOUIE: I'd hope for the first option... >Misty got down on her knees to pull down his pants but they wouldn't go down. DAMIAN: Well, that cuts this one short. Let's pray this is over... >Then she noticed that Ash had a belt that was holding them on RICKY: Oh, she just now realizes this? Even though that's where you keep Pokeballs? >tight. Misty attacked the belt trying to get it undone but STEPHEN: (Pokemon Stadium announcer) The attack wasn't effective! DAMIAN: Oh, I hate that guy... >couldn't. So Ash tried but couldn't get it off either. DAVID: No sex, no fic. We leave now. RICKY: Do you actually think we'd be THAT lucky? Or that Doc F wouldn't read through this to see if it was crap through and through? >Misty in a moaning urgent voice started to say to him, "Ash, I can't wait any longer, I need >your cock in my mouth right now!!!" LOUIE: Well, this was headed to the higher paths, but I guess we just fell a few miles... >Ash with his cock feeling rock solid in his pants said, "Krabby, come over here." Krabby >approached Ash. "Krabby, cut my belt!!," DAMIAN: Ah, a CUT attack. Kinda weak, but good outside of battle, eh? >Ash commanded in a hurry. Krabby obeyed Ash and severed his belt in half. As soon as the belt >was severed Misty stripped off Ash's pants faster than the speed of light. STEPHEN: (generates more Servo-style smoke) Impossible... impossible... theory of relativity... overloading! >Ash's hardened penis was now freed from the cruel cell that prevented it from reaching it's >full potential. It was pointing almost straight up toward the sky like a missile ready to >launch. "Cool, you don't were underwear Ash?" DAVID: (Bart Simpson) Ah, nothin' like an unfurnished basement for total comfort. >Misty asked in surprise. "Well, you know it provides easier access and takes less time when >you need to release your sexual excitement LOUIE: Oh, I think we get it now... ulp... (turns to harf) >over the person you love. Ash and Misty both smiled lovingly towards one another. DAMIAN: When did the quote end? >Ash was now standing up totally naked in the sunlight. Misty was amazed at how beautiful and >majestic his hardened penis was. RICKY: Author's female. I can bet on that. >Misty commented, "Ash, your penis is bigger than I ever thought possible or even dreamed of!!!" STEPHEN: That's not saying much for it. RICKY: Ouch. >She had never seen one before but used to talk often about ecchi, hentai type things with her >friends back home. DAVID: According to certain people, she no doubt acts on these things... >After Misty got a good look at his hardon she dove down with her mouth watering mouth LOUIE: She lost her train of thought. >wide open onto it. Misty engulfed Ash's hard penis in her mouth and with her hands at Ash's >balls she DAMIAN: Gave one quick squeeze and Ash fell like a rock. >moved his penis in and out of her cock hungry mouth slowly at first then quicker. Ash writhed >with pleasure at having his most sensitive organ being rubbed and sucked all over the place >at once. RICKY: Bet he feels like he's running a country! >"Ahhh!!! Ohhhh!!! That feels so good Misty!!!" And what was really turning him on was that >it was Misty out of all people that was giving him a blow job and sucking him all over the >place in all of his most sensitive areas. STEPHEN: We get the damn point. RICKY: Why be so surprised? We all knew it'd happen sooner or later. Then again, we get advance notice. >Misty sucked on Ash's penis for a long time. DAVID: It was longer than it seemed, and that ain't good. >Ash when he couldn't hold his load anymore finally released his load into Misty's mouth and >Misty STEPHEN: Was buried under two tons of dirt. >swallowed it saying with a smile, "Ash, you taste very good! Did you enjoy me sucking your >cock?" DAVID: You know, I'm starting to doubt our claims of this being a female writer... RICKY: What tipped you off? >Ash replied, "Yes, you are a wonderful cock sucker Misty, I love you!!" LOUIE: We get it, Mr. Hallmark. >"I love you too Ash!!" "Misty, do you want me to love you now as you gave love to >me?" "Oh YES Ash I really DO!!! Suck on me all over now! DAMIAN: Let this fic do it... it's great at SUCKING. >PLEASE!!!" Ash said, "I've never seen a girl naked before, but I've always wondered secretly >what you would look like without any clothes. RICKY: Oh, bullshit. Those computers in the Pokemon Centers are connected to the Internet, since you can access Bill's, your, and Prof. Oak's computers, plus the Pokemon League website. So don't you DARE tell me that you ain't seen anything Hood has. DAMIAN: Tell the world, Rich. >"Well then time for me to get nude so that you can see my true hidden beauty!" Replied a >smiling Misty. Ash then moved right in front of Misty and pulled her right suspender strap off >hr shoulder then pulled of the left suspender strap. STEPHEN: When the strap pulled back, Ash ran away. >A her suspender straps hung downwards from her shorts Misty's shorts >crept down a little revealing white colored panties with pink >hearts beneath. DAVID: We covered this before, namely, last time... >With the suspenders now removed off of Misty's shoulders her light yellow shirt became free >for undressing. Misty lifted her arms up in the air and cracked her knuckles as a sign >that she was ready and willing. STEPHEN: I hear that causes arthritis... DAMIAN: You liar. You sorry-assed liar. >Ash then took a hold of Misty's shirt from the bottom and slowly lifted it up to uncover her >36B-cup size, round, full figure, beautiful breasts. DAVID: Our claims are looking iffy. DAMIAN: I repeat, you sorry-assed liar. I swear, I'm going to destroy someone after this. >As soon as Ash saw her beautiful bare breasts his penis got harder then ever >before and STEPHEN: It eventually hardened too much and fell off. Sucks to be him. >his heart skipped a couple hundred beats almost killing him. LOUIE: Wish it had. >"Wow!" Ash's eyes lit up. "I always thought that you never wore a bra Misty." DAMIAN: Would she need one? >Misty seeing Ash's eyes light up in immense pleasure and joy asked him "So, am I visually >pleasing to you Ash? How do you like my breasts?" DAMIAN: (Ash) Uh, what breasts? RICKY: I'm guessing you'll follow up with a riff involving Ash's mom. Don't. >"There so beautiful, you're so beautiful naked Misty!" RICKY: And the clothed Misty, who's obviously standing somewhere else, beats Ash senseless. >Ash answered in gasps of joy. You make me so hard Misty!" STEPHEN: Something's missing... what could it be? >"Do you want to touch my breasts Ash?" "Yes I do very much Misty," replied Ash. DAVID: (Misty) Well, get in line. And have your money out. >Please, Ash run your hands all over my innocent skin and caress my soft breasts everywhere. >Kiss my LOUIE: Ass. DAVID: She's an impromptu poet. >soft pink nipples and make them hard. Love and touch my breasts as DAMIAN: If they were your gods. >you would love me. Ash did as Misty asked him to do. He ran his RICKY: Credit card bill up to about $100,000. We hear he's in a wheelchair now. DAVID: When did the quoting stop? >hands along the outline of her breasts, then softly caressed her soft pink nipples making them >hard. Ash then put his mouth and licked with his tongue all over Misty's perfect breasts as STEPHEN: Okay, two things, hot shot: one, why are breasts always considered "perfect"; two, how in HELL could hers possibly be perfect? >he caressed them with his hands. Misty squirmed with joy, as Ash was loving her lovely >breasts. Next Ash wanted to see and discover Misty's hidden treasure. DAVID: (Ash) This map says to go 50 paces toward that cliff. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5--AAAAAAIIIEEEEE! >It was the part of Misty that Ash craved the most to see and touch. LOUIE: Anyone for another "get in line" riff? >He craved her treasure the most because he had never seen and had no idea what a girl's vagina >would be like. DAMIAN: Except for... RICKY: NO! >So Ash then led Misty over to the rock nearby the river that she was laying down on RICKY: She was lying down ON the river? Oh, that's not right....... >previously. Misty quickly took off her shoes and socks as well as her band holding a ponytail >in her hair. Misty then with a smile on her face layed back halfway and stretched her legs out >wide and STEPHEN: With a loud SNAP, they fell off. Now she can't get away. She can fight back, but what good will it do? >forward. Ash then smiled back and proceeded to pull down her loose blue jean shorts. Once >her shorts were off Ash slowly pulled down her panties that had small pink hearts spread >across the white fabric. DAVID: Didn't we cover this before? STEPHEN: You mean UNcover. >Ash's hard penis was starting to secronesly LOUIE: One second... lemme check my dictionary... hmm... NOTHING! >pound along with his heart faster and faster. STEPHEN: His heart finally overworked itself and stopped. The end. >Then Misty totally naked in the forest like Ash started to feel more and more sexually excited >as a slow breeze flowed over her nude body. DAMIAN: I wish it'd cool her off and make her reconsider all this... RICKY: You actually don't want her to do this yet? DAMIAN: I just want all this to end. >Ash looking right at Misty's treasure saw a vagina for the first time. DAMIAN: Unless you count *WHAPTAWHAPTAWHAPTA* OY! >It felt very beautiful, wondrous, and mysterious at the same time. RICKY: But he's not even touching it. >Misty's exposed vagina had short light red pubic hair that was newly coming STEPHEN: When the hair can do that, she MUST be good! RICKY: Not you, too. >in since puberty. Her curly red pubic hair surrounded the pink folds of her beautiful vagina. >Misty then said to Ash, "Fondle me all over Ash, make me feel insanely sexual, DAVID: Will just insane work? >put your fingers DEEP INSIDE OF ME ASH I WANT TO FEEL AND BE A PART OF YOU!" LOUIE: I guess he can't hear you anymore... >Misty was slowly already starting to cum on the rock. DAMIAN: (vibrates like an overloaded Crow T. Robot) WARNING! WARNING! LOGIC CIRCUITS FRYING! >Ash's penis was getting harder and larger than before, he could not imagine getting any harder >or larger then he was now. RICKY: Then don't read what we had last time. >"Misty, I will make you into a sexual maniac by the time were through!!! STEPHEN: Well, what happens when the time's through? >Here cums the mine digger!!", DAVID: Ah, a Diglett. Good card, fair Pokemon, but boy, don't let the women near it! >yelled Ash as he took his index finger and entered it in LOUIE: The guestbook. >Misty's vagina. Ash slowly rubbed and wiggled his index finger DAMIAN: But what about her? Self-centered little... >inside of Misty as she moaned to Ash to keep going. Ash then started to put in one finger >after another into Misty's wet pink vagina. RICKY: Don't go overboard with this... lest you turn this to something we dare not mention... >Ash finally had almost his whole hand up inside Misty's vagina. RICKY: It's verging on the unthinkable! DAVID: Stay frosty, Rick! RICKY: Don't you DARE tell me to stay frosty! I'm not a God damned breakfast cereal! DAVID: Do you want me to kick your ass? RICKY: Why don't you bring it on, you fat sonofabitch?! (David and Ricky start to rumble in front of the screen.) STEPHEN: Hey, stop it, you dicks! (Stephen jumps in to stop them.) LOUIE: Hey, you guys are getting annoying! Either cut this shit or I'll cut your nuts off! (Louie joins in to stop them.) DAMIAN: Oh, hell with it. I guess it's up to me... WHOA! (Damian is pulled into the fight. The fic stops scrolling and is replaced by Dr. F's face.) DR. F: STOP IT, YOU SIMPLETONS! (Doc F. presses a button several times. Electric bolts begin to fly around the theater and enter the fray. One by one, the Warriors are blasted into the wall.) DR. F: Next time, I'm reverting the oxygen levels back to the bridge. (The Warriors sit down again. The fic reappears at the point where it left off.) >Ash made all sorts of motions with his hand and fingers inside of Misty's vagina which drove >Misty mad with STEPHEN: Power. Like that Albert Schweitzer guy. >pleasure and excitement. Misty cried out, "AH, AH, OH, OH, ASH!!! YOUR SO GREAT ASH!!! DAVID: Great like a bout of bubonic plague. >YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW GOOD IT FEELS!!!" LOUIE: And you can't imagine how bad this feels. >Ash then took his fingers out of Misty's virgin vagina and started to lick it up, down and all >around. DAMIAN: Oy, verse. >He saw Misty's clitoris and started licking that which drove Misty wild with pleasure. "ASH, >YOUR SO WONDERFUL TO ME!!", RICKY: Yeah, and you're really wonderful with your f'in grammar. >said Misty. Misty then cummed and Ash licked it up. STEPHEN: We have level drop now. This thing's headed to sub-class 6: Beyond Help. >"Misty your love juices taste so yummy!!!" DAVID: Nice to know they retain their youthful innocence while making hot, sweaty monkey love. >Ash then went back to fingering her deep within her vagina. LOUIE: He got a little too deep and... well, Misty hasn't walked the same since. >Ash fingered her madly for awhile longer and then stopped so that he and Misty could rest for >the grand finale. DAMIAN: Then the end is in sight! There is a God! >"Do you want go with the grand finale and have pleasure filled sex right now?", RICKY: (Misty) Now that I think about it... NO! DAMIAN: (Ash) Okay, then I guess I'll just go home and see if- *SOCKWHAPWHAPSOCK* YEEEEEEEOW! RICKY: Take heed, you little shit: next Ash's mom riff you do, I'll cut your balls off and hand them to you. >asked Ash already knowing Misty's answer. "Oh yes Ash! I want all of you inside of me!! STEPHEN: That's one for Ripley's! >Take away my virginity now, Ash my love!!" RICKY: Like reading a Harlequin book. Only worse. >Ash then said, "I've really wanted to enter you with my penis for along time Misty, my love!!" STEPHEN: Okay, I think we need insulin for all this over-sweetened crap. >"Let's make true love then!!", exclaimed Misty. Ash then being a gentleman said, "I'll let you >decide first what position you want to be in and how we should first do it." DAVID: Gentlemanly like Austin Powers. RICKY: Never compare Ash to Austin. That's like an NES system compared to a Dreamcast. >"O.K.," agreed Misty. "How about you sit down here in the shallow edge of the water while you >enter me from below when I come down from above or from front. We can then go crazy and do >whatever we desire." LOUIE: Talk about getting your facts in order. >"That sounds great Misty, you always did like water huh?" DAMIAN: Did the Pokemon she uses tip you off, Mr. Poirot? >Misty replied, "Yep, you got that right honey! Always have, always will. Now let's seal our >love for each other with having sex. RICKY: That's why they call it "sealing the deal". >Ash sat down naked STEPHEN: Right on a tall, jagged, pointy rock. They say he actually stopped complaining after a couple hours... >at the shallow end of the water, of which the height was about five, or six inches up the >height of his butt. DAVID: Huh? I'm confused. (Damian pulls a Pokemon card from his sleeve.) What the? DAMIAN: Full Heal. DAVID: Cute. Very cute. >Misty said, "Ash, LOUIE: (Misty) I should have bitten your dick off. >you haven't properly inspected my bottom yet have you?" DAMIAN: (government inspector) Grade A. RICKY: (ditto) Grade A. STEPHEN: (same) Grade A. DAVID: (Ash) Well, if it's good enough for the government, it's good enough for me. LOUIE: (Misty's ass) You call yourself a pervert? I-YAH! *WHAK*WHAK*WHAK* >"I think your right, I haven't yet," Ash smiled. So Misty walked in front of Ash facing away >from him. Ash saw Misty's bottom that was right in front of him. It was a pearl white color >shaped perfectly and DAMIAN: Okay, another issue of perfection... DAVID: Let it go. Not everything can get to you. >very curvaceously feminine. Ash reached out his hands and caressed her beautiful rear end. It >was very soft and smooth to his touch. RICKY: This from a guy that sits on a Graveler. >Ash then spread her butt apart and looking at her pink butthole STEPHEN: Hood! Permission to harf, captain. DAMIAN: Permission granted. STPEHEN: *BLARF* Oy. >started to lick it. "Make sure you clean me good!", Misty said DAMIAN: I call full permission on vomiting. (All of them begin to puke violently, coating the theater floor in their expulsions.) RICKY: I think we need to clean this place. >with great love. "Well I am your professional sex trainer, it's the least I could do," joked >Ash. RICKY: Sex... trainer? Okay, I guess he wants to be a master in more things... DAMIAN: Or he just wants an excuse to bone her. RICKY: That too. >Ash licked Misty's bottom good and clean and commented how well she tasted to him. STEPHEN: If I hadn't just turned my gut, I'd be puking now. >After Ash was done playing with Misty's shapely bottom Misty faced toward Ash again. "What a >angelic view I have toward the sky!", DAVID: Okay, I think this author should type with both hands... >commented Ash with his eyes all over Misty's body. Misty's giggled and said, "My view is not >bad either!" LOUIE: Try our view. You'll think all others are God afterwards. >Misty then took a hold of Ash's very hard reddening penis and angled it upward for easy entry >into her. Misty, squatting then angled her vagina an inch or two above Ash's penis and rubbed >the tip of Ash's penis in a circular pattern on the outside of her very wet and moist pink >folds of flesh. Misty was thinking about what her friends told her about when a girl first >looses her virginity it hurts and feels like your insides tear. DAMIAN: Hers are hopefully going to tear apart until she ends up in two pieces. That'll end our suffering. >Misty somewhat feared the pain that would come even though it would be temporary. RICKY: Well, pain is temporary, but pure suffering is forever. >So Misty just thought that she would just get it over with real quick. STEPHEN: She's fortunate, she can expect that. >She dropped down onto Ash's penis and felt a tearing type of pain go through her body. DAMIAN: I know you'd like to continue this one, Stephen, but let me. STEPHEN: Okay. DAMIAN: *ahem* It didn't stop, even after Ash was done. Eventually, she realized that it wasn't Ash... she realized too late that she had forgotten about everything she left in there... >Misty cried out in pain. A small amount of blood started to come out of her vagina. A tear >was in Misty's eye but she was trying not to cry. DAVID: (drill sergeant) You cry, soldier, and Charlie's gonna blow your fucking head off! >Ash wiped the tear away and said, "From now on there will only be joy, I promise." LOUIE: So Ash left and started bonin' Nurse Joy. That's acceptable. >Misty smile came back again and Misty started DAMIAN: To wonder where all the pronouns went... >going up and down on Ash's penis again. Their rhythm started slow at first but then picked up RICKY: And left. Just like we should have a little while ago. >some speed. "You feel so good on the inside Misty!!!", said Ash. DAMIAN: (Ash) It's a shame you don't look that good on the outside. RICKY: (Misty) You piece of shit! *WHAP* DAMIAN: (Ash) Jeez! I was just tryin' to compliment you! >Just then in the trees someone approached. STEPHEN: If it's in the trees, it might be a Mankey. >Ash and Misty did not notice anything because there were very much into the sexual experience. DAVID: When the guy jabbed his hook into Ash's head, Misty took notice. Ash, for some odd reason, didn't seem to notice anything... until he died... >The person approaching was Brock. Brock was about to yell out hi to Misty and Ash. But when >he saw that Ash and Misty were naked and Misty was going up and down rapidly on Ash's hard >penis Brock backed up quietly and thought that he must be dreaming. LOUIE: Pinch yourself. Maybe you can end this nightmare for us all. >He then hit himself on the head to try and wake himself up. But he did not wake up so then he >thought that maybe this was reality. DAMIAN: It's virtual reality! They're just polygons! Take off the helmet (he simulates taking a VR helmet off) and voila, they're... YAAGH! I guess they're not polygons! >But Ash and Misty naked in a forest, having sex together? There still real young. RICKY: Here we're ready to panic. >Too young Brock thought to be having a sexual experience together. STEPHEN: So... Brock's too young for what, now? RICKY: He's not too young... unfortunately. >This was also very unbelievable to Brock because Misty always argues with Ash or calls him >names. Brock who was very turned on by Misty and Ash naked and doing it decided that he would >watch and enjoy this whether this was reality or not. DAVID: Hey, lots of people can argue and still get along. Not to THAT extent in my example, but... DAMIAN: All those errors and yet "whether" is used correctly? Well, this is a surprise. >Brock moved to the best viewing spot behind a tree to see Ash and Misty having sex and then >feeling very horny and getting hard pulled down his pants and started to masturbate. Brock >was LOUIE: Being watched... by a huge Beedrill swarm! Boy, those stingers REALLY HURT down there! >imagining that he was in Ash's position right now having sex with Misty. DAMIAN: Hey, he's bigger than Ash, isn't he? STEPHEN: I think so. DAMIAN: Well, why doesn't he tell Ash to step off and let a REAL man take over? RICKY: (on the verge of crapping himself) A... REAL man? Hood, are you nuts? DAMIAN: I think this is getting to me. >Brock always had a secret desire to see Misty naked and to ride her RICKY: Like a Rapidash! >with his penis in her vagina, even though he would've denied it to anyone even to himself >because of how ecchi it sounded. DAMIAN: Ecchi nothin'. That's full-freak hentai! DAVID: (to other Warriors) He's regressing on us. >Brock looked toward Misty again as he played with himself. STEPHEN: (Brock) Okay, I'll play my Rolling Thunder for 12 damage against you. DAVID: (Brock) Well, I'll just play a Congregate and gain 14. That actually sets you back 2! STPHEN: (Brock) You little piss-ant. >Misty, continued moaning loudly all threw their lovemaking. DAVID: She threw it away and emptied the Recycle Bin. >"Ash, I never thought that your cock would feel SOOOO good deep in me!!!" LOUIE: How can that rooster breathe? >Ash and Misty tried various different sexual positions, many that they thought were impossible >in the past. Misty started to move faster up and down on Ash's now huge rod. DAMIAN: Of course, when she got blasted by a lightning bolt, she realized that it was a lightning rod. Thank you! >Misty never RICKY: Said never again. >imagined that sex could feel so good, not even in her dreams. Ash was hoping that Misty would >want to have sex with him everyday STEPHEN: So he could finally tell his hand that it was over. RICKY: Are you sure he wouldn't be telling that to Pikachu? STEPHEN: Ew. >after this because of how great it feels and it shows how we feel about each other. DAVID: WARNING! Personal statement detected! >Besides if Misty didn't want sex everyday Ash would have a lot of masturbating to do thinking >about Misty. STEPHEN: I rest my case, Richard. >"AHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! AAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" DAVID: (Misty) Your fingers are digging into my ribs! >Yelled Misty now feeling like her orgasm was near. LOUIE: The end is in sight. >"MISTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!!!" Ash yelled back. Ash felt like his orgasm was near too. LOUIE: I can smell the flowers at the end of this stinking pile... >"I'm going to CUM!!! Yelled Ash. CUM in me ASSSSHHHHHH!!! DAMIAN: Another personal statement? >Before Ash or Misty reached there orgasm Pikachu finally arrived. He saw that Misty was going >up and down on Ash's penis and was very surprised but turned on. RICKY: Well, OF COURSE. Yes, I'm sure he just LOVES sex with humans. STEPHEN: He's been around them too long. >Pikachu had an idea to intensify there orgasm and so he approached and said >PIIIIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Electricity wrapped around Pikachu, Ash, Misty and even Brock. STEPHEN: Everyone but Pikachu was fried, and Pikachu ran off and started attacking and eating people. He grew to a huge size and started stomping buildings. >Then at the same time Ash and Misty experienced their first orgasm. DAVID: First... right. Despite the growing evidence that this dick-butterer thinks they polish their trophies? >Ash and Misty as one yelled, >OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO >OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ALL: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! >Ash then cummed all over inside of Misty and she loved the feeling of Ash releasing his load LOUIE: Although she hated to be buried by a dump truck. >inside her. Brock, experiencing an orgasm cummed all over himself as well as a tree that he >had been humping. DAMIAN: Love them knotholes, eh? >Unknown to Misty and Ash their orgasm was the greatest orgasm ever in the history of the Earth. RICKY: And who gets the credit? Not them, not Pikachu, not God, but the writer! Who else? >Because when Pikachu let his electricity flow Misty and Ash had their orgasm and it intensified >it a thousand fold. STEPHEN: An orgasm like that would cause a person to nearly explode. It's unhealthy and unnatural! >After their orgasm Misty layed down on top of Ash and the two lovers were asleep. DAVID: They didn't realize that Gastly came in to see what was going on... >Ash's cock was still deep inside her. In their dreams they continued to make love one to >another in all of the various positions. LOUIE: Then it's true... people DO meet if they have the same dream. >When they awoke Misty hoped that she could do it all over again. DAMIAN: DON'T SAY THAT! >Into the future there RICKY: (Archie Bunker) Yeah, into da future, dere, aw jeez. >love and pleasure continued to grow thoughout the years. > THE END? STEPHEN: It damn well better be, for what we've been through! DAMIAN: Let's blow! (Damian runs to the doors. We hear a loud BZZZZZZZZZAAAAK! and Damian returns. His hair is frazzled and smoking, and he walks like he's shat himself.) DAMIAN: Pain. STEPHEN: It's not over. >I hope you enjoyed my fanfic Love in the Forest. The concept of this fanfic comes from my >belief and probably others that Ash and Misty are secretly in love together. DAVID: Gee, you just NOW figure that other people think that, you dumbass?! >This fanfic is actually my first fanfic as well as my first hentai fanfic. LOUIE: One, you covered that. Two, it doesn't matter, as you get NO MERCY from us. >I read some other fanfics and finally decided that I should try and write my own. DAMIAN: Fatal error #316: Trying to write after seeing only so much. Fatal error #317: Writing in touchy areas under #316. >I encourage you the reader to go and try writing your own fanfic of any kind. DAMIAN: Been there, done that, what's next? >You'll never know what you can do until you try! It is really a fun and interesting >experience. RICKY: Well, MSTings are also a nice way of letting steam off, so long as you know how. STEPHEN: Yes. Not only that, they are a great form of entertainment, mixing a great show with lower-level works, thus allowing you to not only read a terrible fanfiction, spam, original work, or net.nut rant, but also to see more fanfiction as the MSTing unfolds. >I have some other fanfic story ideas of different series both hentai and non-hentai that I >might write about. The next Hentai that I might write will probably be a Sailormoon Hentai. DAMIAN: You're on our turf now! Prepare to run across one very MEAN little guy and his four pissed pals! >If you have any comments about my fanfic, story ideas for fanfics, hentai or regular or just >want to talk go ahead and email me at: Starrrlightdragon@Yahoo.com DAVID: If that address works, which I severely doubt, I think we may have a regular. >Talk to ya Later! LOUIE: God, I hope not. DAMIAN: Now the doors open. Stupid me. Let's buzz. (They exeunt.) (Bridge. The Warriors sit around a huge TV, watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?.) DAVID: You know, every time we get into a fight, we come out better people. RICKY: Let's not do that anymore. DAVID: Cool. Say, how'd we get DirecTV? DAMIAN: I made a way to pirate a signal. Right now, we watch exactly what I'd watch at home... if I were home... STEPHEN: We'll get off of this God-forsaken bone eventually. (The red MADs light flashes.) But they're going to make it seem longer. Whaddya want, Goon Patrol? (He hits the button.) DR. F: Ah, I see you're through with the experiment. So, how was it? LOUIE: Bad. But we got through. RICKY: Yes, despite Hood's "Does my mom count?" riffs... DAMIAN: Hey, whatever works. DR. F: Well, I guess I beat Frank a little too much... he's dead. RICKY: No more Frank? DR. F: Not yet. But I saved a few of his tissues for cloning. Right now, I only have rats, but I could get a female human specimen soon enough! Then Frank can be reborn! STEPHEN: Frank as a rat? That's freaky. DR. F: Well, until next week, may your nightmares all involve me. (He hits the button.) LOUIE: Wait... how would that work? DAVID: It's Forrester. Don't ask. It's best you don't know. \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----o----- SHHEEEOOooooo... /|\ Art custom-made by / | \ me, Pika-Screw. / | \ Feel free to use it.. / | \ / | \ AUTHOR'S NOTES: Oy vey, it's done! Really, I didn't do this all of my own accord. The good people of Esper.net's #agnph asked me to do this. After all, lots of people on alt.games. nintendo.pokemon.hentai (agnph) have already riffed this, and they said if anyone should try his hand at it, it should be me. Next time, Frank will come back, and I'll do something normal. Oh, and don't forget to send me some feedback! Use that e-mail program you hate so much! >Misty said, "Ash, you haven't properly inspected my bottom yet have you?" Keep circulating the crap... z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z The .sig of the Evolution: It's not the strong that win, it's the quick. You know you want to be weird, just admit it. Yeah, and I bet you were never young either. Remove my frontal lobe to reply. I saw a sign along the highway saying "Mt. Joy." It's a sign from God. Lentil LaFall, also known as: Pika-Screw: the Evolution. Pika-Slash LamerSlammer JigglyHandle Shaggy2Nope Creator of: Sailor Mirror Magic Warrior Theater 3000 the Magic Warriors several hundred riffs Project C.U.B.E., now defunct pika-screw.8m.com the Holographic Hellraiser's Room Afternet's #hotspot the HëáУ¡{éá][ø¦£ 6.9 mIRC bot several hentai pictures, and one sour lemon the A-Chip the Magic Dealer M:tG card dealer/shuffler other freaky things Owner of many Pokemon, video games, and other such things. >Almost instantly, small bursts of >precum shot out his Pikachu's >red dick and >onto the pillow. DAVID: Housekeeping is gonna be really pissed. I'm earning my White Hat. So don't make MMF postings, or you pay dearly. I'll use you as another step on my way up. End of .sig