Subject: [MST] Self-Pleasure Path: lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!portc01.blue.aol.com!dc1.nntp.concentric.net!newsfeed.concentric.net!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed.wirehub.nl!cyclone-sjo1.usenetserver.com!news-out.usenetserver.com!cyclone-pass-sjo.usenetserver.com!e420r-sjo3.usenetserver.com.POSTED!not-for-mail From: "TriviaMan" trivia22@hotmail.com Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon.hentai Lines: 653 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2615.200 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2615.200 Message-ID: <_Ie76.3887$Gr.65633@e420r-sjo3.usenetserver.com> X-Complaints-To: abuse@usenetserver.com X-Abuse-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly. NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2001 04:07:06 EST Organization: WebUseNet Corp http://www.usenetserver.com - Home of the fastest NNTP servers on the Net. Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2001 03:11:04 -0600 I'm tired, so this is gonna be quick. This mst got started in the middle of October and just now got finished. So the flow might be off, but I don't care. Special thanks to Shadow for the lemon and to Dop for what you will soon read. Enjoy my 2nd mst. Now I can sleep. btw, if there are any errors, I don't care, tell me, and I'll fix em sometime. Masterpiece Theater of Science 3000 Episode 42: "And God gave Eve two breasts, cause one would be just plain freaky." A TMLXIX produciton Horribly MSTed by TriviaMan Disclaimer: Everybody owns their own respective things. If you don't, then you don't. I do lay claims (sadly) to my creations. All the standard lemon crap applies becasue this has that kind of thing in it. You don't agree? Leave then. 'Self-Pleasure' is owned by Shadow. You doth rule. Not for this lemon in particular, but you rule overall. And now may the MSTing begin. *groans in a non-pleasurable way* Scene - The main hall of the satelite is busy with elves all around working on equipment and the such. The boys are sitting in a corner of the room watching. DROE: "This sucks." MIKE: "Yeah, this blows." DROE: "Well, this sucks donkey dick." MIKE: "This blows moldy green dong." DROE: "This sucks more dick than your mom at a party." MIKE: "Dammit dude! Take that back!" RON: "Shut the hell up you two. Pay attention to what is going on around us here. There's damned elves everywhere." TIM: "The scary thing is it's not the elves that's bothering me. It's what they are doing." MIKE: "Yeah, it looks like they are remodeling the satellite. They've been doing it for days." DROE: "I've asked them, they won't even speak to me." RON: "Same here." DROE: "I know, once we get done catching the readers up to speed on what's happening, we can ask Dr. S when she gets here." TIM: "That shouldn't be to far from now.. WAIT! What did you say about 'readers'?" The nearby monitor flickers on with life as Dr. Sandy pops on the screen. DR S: "Hi there boys, everything going alright?" TIM: "What's with the elves?" DR S: "The elves? They're my loyal minions that went rouge from Santa. Next question?" RON: "And the remodeling?" DR S: "Station upgrade, plain and simple." DROE: "That was a convenient plot device." TIM: "What the hell?" DR S: "There's no time for talk now Tim, you boys have a lemon to take care of first." ALL: "SHIT!!" DR S: "I knew you all would be happy. This little gem is from Shadow. I'm sure you will love it." DROE: "About as much as I love a kick in the nuts." RON: "Droe, isn't this Shadow guy one you told us to be worried about?" DROE: "Yeah, he writes fucked up stuff. Good, but fucked up." TIM: "May God have mercy on our souls." DR S: "God wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole. Now on to the lemon boys." Alarms and the like go off. Elves scatter and the boys head into the theater via a set of brand spanking new doors. 6 Steel doors melt away as if in a bad acid trip. 5 An iron gate collapses and lands on little Elian. 4 Janet Reno doing the Macerena walks by. 3 Elves smoking crack watch a cheap bondage porno and go 'fap fap fap'. 2 Ghastly walks out, makes out with his wife, and laughs at you. 1 A door made out of AOL disks opens and then spams itself to death. Dr. Sandy's voice comes over the loudspeaker just as the boys sit down. DR S: "Boys, I forgot one thing, you are gonna have a guest on this one so play nice. Here he comes now." William Shatner walks in. SHATNER: "Now where's that free booze?" Just then a bolt of lightning strikes TriviaMan while he types at the keyboard. A booming, god-like voice is heard from above. DOPPELGANGER-GOD: "SHATNER IS MINE AND MINE ALONE!!" TM: "...ouch..." TIM: "What the fuck? What in the hell is going on?" DOP-GOD: "IT IS BEYOND YOUR CONCERN PUNY MORTAL." TIM: "Dammit, nobody is telling me anything today!" DR S: "Okay... that was screwed up..." RON: "Fubar man, fubar." SHATNER: "...Uhhhh... I got a Priceline commercial to do." Shatner hauls ass outta there. DROE: "When did Dop get god-like powers?" TIM: "What? Who in the hell is Dop?" DROE: "Oh well, at least I didn't get struck by lightning." TM: "Shut the hell up bitch, I created you, I can destroy you!" TM gets hit with even more lightning and promply shuts up. TIM: "WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?" DR S: "Don't worry about that Tim, lets just get on with the lemon." TIM: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" MIKE: "Dude, ease up before you explode." >Self-Pleasure DROE: "How bout 'Self-Pain?" >Somewhere on Kilaman island, MIKE: "Kilaman Islands: Where the murderous women go to relax." >Ash and company were relaxing in a green clearing. TIM: "For they were in a field of the finest Mary Jane in the land." >Misty was trying to teach Togepi the Headbutt attack, while Tracey >was 'reviewing' sketches of Officer Jenny. DROE: "Reviewing must mean 'beating off to'." >Ash was climbing trees, trying to get apples. RON: "Then he falls and dies. The end. The world is a better place." >Suddenly Jessie and James ran into the clearing, shouting "To protect >the world from devastation!" >"To unite all peoples within our nation!" >"To denounce the evils of truth and-" DROE: "Barney?" MIKE: "Playing piano?" RON: "Play-Dough?" TIM: "Circumsicions?" >Pikachu took this moment to blast them away with a Thunderbolt attack. MIKE: "Wow, something was done right for once." DROE: "Luck, pure luck." >Everyone went back to doing what they were doing, TIM: "Having a giant fuck party." >taking a moment to hear the fading cries of "Team Rocket's MIKE: "Fucking up again!" >blasting off again!" *** RON: "Bullet holes?" >Later that night, when everyone was asleep, Pikachu was wandering >around the forest, looking for TIM: "A small furry woodland animal to screw." >fallen apples. DROE: "What is it with Pikachu and apples? It's like in every lemon that he gets apples." MIKE: "Probably the same reason that bad sex scenes are in them." DROE: "Huh?" MIKE: "They are all rotten." *Rimshot* >Needless to say, after coming back empty-handed and watching a >few groups of Nidorans humping each other, he was horny as a Tauros. TIM: "Was this one of those 'Written to be MSTed lemons'?" DROE: "Sadly enough, I don't think so." >He looked around the camp, looking for something to fuck. RON: "That's what I do when I can't find my apples, I look for pussy." >Hmmmmm................. MIKE: "Maybe Shadow is having second thoughts about this lemon." TIM: "Naw, he's just buying time until the morphine kicks in." >Misty was sleeping on her back with her legs closed tightly, TIM: "Hmmm... bondage." >and she looked like she could wake up at any moment. Not an option. MIKE: "Thank god." >Togepi's gender was still undecided, so that was out of the question. MIKE: "Another one shot down." >Ash he would feel strangely about, so he took his best friend out of the >running. MIKE: "Woo Hoo!" DROE: "Mike, you're getting your hopes too high, there IS gonna be stuff in here you won't like." MIKE: It may be, but the bad stuff just keeps gettin shot down." >Hey...the new guy was sleeping with his mouth open! No, no, it wasn't >a yaoi lemon...too bad. MIKE: "It gets better!" >Jessie and James had been blown to hell, so there was no hope there. >There were no gyms nearby, so no gym leader action. The Nidorans >didn't look like they wanted company, and he was in no mood to fight >while horny. Brock was gone now, so no Vulpix pussy. DAMN IT!!!!!!!! MIKE: "YES!" TIM: "Brock has a pussy? That's vulpix like?" >An Officer Jenny didn't work on the island, and there wasn't any nearby >pokémon centers, so Joy wouldn't come to his rescue. Damn it! There >weren't any more lemon clichés left! MIKE: "WOOT!!!!" RON: "Damn dude, pop a stiffy while you're at it." >Wait! MIKE: "NOOOOOO!!!" DROE: "Told ya." >Up in the sky! It was a bird! A yellow bird! And a blue bird! >Fucking each other! Ah, hell...no midair fucking for him... MIKE: "Redemption!" DROE: "shit..." >*jingle, jingle* TIM: "Damn loose change, always falling out." >Aha! Jinglebells! Santa was coming! RON: "Ewww....." DROE: "Hmmm... that would have to be worse than a bird crapping on you." >Pikachu looked to the sky and saw a group of ten reindeer and a sleigh riding >across the night sky! TIM: "But isn't there only 9 reindeer?" DROE: "You're forgetting Slutty the Reindeer." TIM: "Huh?" DROE: "Never mind, it's before your time." TIM: "I'll just associate that with the whole Dop thing I still don't understand." DROE: "Good boy." >To his excitement, one of the reindeer was staring at him with a >come-hither look. Then an angry voice shouted, "Hey!! Don't you >fucking dare think it! Just keep flying, bitch!" Then Santa and his >reindeer flew off to deliver presents to the chronically strange. MIKE: "HAHAHA!! I'm still right!" DROE: "Chronically strange, that would be anybody who knows what AGNPH stands for." TIM: "Once again, over my head." >Pikachu was shocked and dismayed. He should've been fucking something >soft and warm in an orifice that was soft and warm, then eventually >firing something sticky and warm into the thing that was soft and warm. RON: "So if he fucked an electric blanket, he'd be happy?" >Now he was confusing himself. MIKE: "Confused enough to not have a bad sex scene?" DROE: "You get credit for trying, but I keep telling you there IS gonna be one." >He pointed his little yellow head to the sky, and screamed to the lemon >gods in the pokémon language, TIM: (Pikachu) "Pika pika chu pi pi chu pika!" >"This is what you've got for me?!?!?! A stupid little masturbation lemon?! >Come on, you've gotta help me out here!" RON: "I would hope that God would do important stuff like saving children from burning houses or making the Virgin Mary appear infront of Mexicans or stuff like that, not help out Pikachu get laid." DROE: "But these are the lemon gods, they thrive on bad sex." RON: "Oh..." >The gods heard those pleas, MIKE: "And killed Pikachu to put him out of his misery." >and took pity on the poor Pikachu. TIM: "It's good that somebody does." >Actually, first they slapped him around with a carp, then they gave him >his answer. "SHUT THE HELL UP YA STUPID RODENT WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP!" DROE: "Ahhhh... I get it now, Pikachu is a lamer troll. It makes sense now..." RON: "Getting beat with a carp is how the gods show pity?" DROE: "It beats an A-Kick." >After Pikachu recovered from the carp-beating, he noticed that everyone >was still asleep. TIM: "I always imagined that a carp beating would be a loud occasion." >Since he was still horny, and since there were no other options available, >he began stroking his already-firm pika-prick. MIKE: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" DROE: "HAHA! I told you it would happen. And on top of it, it's a masterbation lemon. That is your punishment for being hopeful." MIKE: "But you guys still have to be here too." DROE "... Shit!" >He rubbed up and down his shaft, RON: "Shaft! Your damn right!" >feeling a tingle of pleasure. In an instant, that pleasure was replaced with >a sharp pain on his dick. DROE: "Dammit Mike, now it's turning into a damned death lemon." >He glanced down and saw a red mark on the head of his cock, caused by >an overly sharp claw. TIM: "So he pricked his prick?" *Punch* *Smackety* *Pain* *Hurt* *Kick* TIM: "...ouch..." >Damn Ash! RON: "Ash you bitch!" MIKE: "Cum guzzler!" TIM: "Jizz mopper!" DROE: "Uhhhh.... Ash, uhhhh... you damn, shit, fuck it..." >He never clipped his pokémon's claws when they needed it! RON: "He just gave them sexual pleasure when they needed it." MIKE: "Let's see, sex or grooming, sex or grooming, sex or grooming...?" >Now he rubbed his penis not for pleasure, but to erase the pain. It >was to no avail, though, as contact with his claws just caused more >discomfort. DROE: "Solution, cut off your dick." >He bent down with the flexibility of a rodent with a feline-like spine >and licked the bruised area with his tongue. TIM: "How can it be bruised already? He just scratched it a moment ago." RON: "Since when do things have to make sense?" TIM: "Forgot again." >As he did so, he felt the pleasure returning, and the rigidity of his cock >was restored. TIM: "I don't care, if I had a cut on my dick, it would hurt regardless if it was getting sucked on or not." DROE: "Don't get all worked up. It's not like any of this is real." TIM: "And we are? We're characters loosely based on real life friends of TM, created to make people laugh. We exist becasue he can't write lemons, so he chose to make fun of others." DROE: "You still don't get it, do you? TIM: "o.O Fuck it, I'm just gonna be a good boy and make fun of bad sex." DROE: "'Bout damn time." >Now in discovery of this new form of self-excitement, he licked with >earnest, mimicking the actions of Misty, Erika, and that hot little Pikachu >he almost left Ash for. MIKE: "So he gets all pissy and bitchy?" >He curled himself into a little ball, opening his lips and taking his >own cock into his mouth. RON: "As opposed to using the cock that he found on the road earlier." >At first he only allowed the head inside, feeling the pure hardness. TIM: "So hard he can break cinder blocks in two." >Now he knew what all those other women felt all those times they blew him, >except he didn't know what they felt in their cunts. DROE: "That is wrong in so many ways." MIKE: "Like what cunts has to do with giving head?" DROE: "That and why women want to suck his dick in the first place." >If anyone had woken up just then, they would've seen TIM: "Something they should all be used to by now." >Pikachu with his tail wrapped around the top of his head, but not much >else. Still, from his current position, one might venture a guess as >to his activities. DROE: "Well he sure as hell ain't playing solitare." >Now Pikachu was feeling a little more daring, RON: "What could be more daring than giving yourself head?" >and thrust his cock into his mouth, making tiny humps into his own throat. RON: "Oh, I forgot about deepthroat. Silly me." >This, without a doubt, was the best blowjob he had ever received. Instantly he knew >what he wanted, and instantly he offered it to himself. MIKE: "It's the newest feature of AIM." >Again copying the girls before him, he TIM: "Put on a dress and acted slutty around anything with a heartbeat." >traced his tongue along the bottom of his cock, then across the top, then >licked around the head. The feeling was bliss, and the knowledge that he >was doing it to himself only enhanced the pleasure. RON: "I'd be happy too if I could suck my dick." MIKE: "Wouldn't we all, wouldn't we all." >He felt himself nearing orgasm, and resisted the temptation to make himself cum. >He had never tasted his own cum, and he was a little apprehensive about it. >Then again, he was horny, and he had just given himself a blowjob. >How could it get worse? DROE: "Lemon logic, if it feels good and it doesn't leave permanent damage, then it's okay!" >He sucked harder on himself, picturing Misty's tits...uh, no, how about >her ass? TIM: "Like she has any ass either." >Yeah, that's the stuff! RON: "Isn't that off of the Twinkie commercials?" MIKE: "He is going after the cream filling." *SmackityHitKickSmack* MIKE: "I think you caved in my nuts." RON: "Good, the idea of you reproducing was scary." >Misty's ass on Erika's tits, on that female Pikachu's cunt. DROE: "Now THAT'S a fucked up image." >If he hadn't been holding himself back, he would've blown his load in that instant. MIKE: "Instant cum, just add horny Pikachu." >He finally sucked as hard as his bodily muscles would allow, and felt >a massive orgasm overtake him. TIM: "The orgasm made sure to use the proper signals while passing on the left." >He thrust his pelvis as far as it would go as he shot a pulsing stream of cum into >his mouth. Before he could think about it, he swallowed, then another blast >invaded his mouth. RON: "I thought the gag reflex would kick in." DROE: "You aren't here unwillingly to think, just MST." >This time he could taste it, and it wasn't all that bad. A little >tart, but not bad. MIKE: "So THAT's why everybody wanted the Queen of Hearts tarts." >He kept on sucking as long as he could, trying to draw out his orgasm as long >as possible. He milked his own cock, draining himself till he could squirt no more. TIM: "For this being the first time he has given head, he did a damn good job." >In a matter of seconds, his cock deflated, RON: "You can set your watch by it, it's that accurate." >and he finally spit it out and uncurled himself. A slight pain in his back >hit him as a result of being in such a... 'delicate' position for so long. >As he collapsed on the ground, he looked up at the stars and saw... DROE: "Santa coming back to throw furby bombs at him." >Ash, Misty and Tracey looking down on him. Oh...shit. >"Oh my god! I don't believe it!" Misty cried out. MIKE: (Misty) "It DOES taste like real butter!" >"My god!" Ash followed up. "I'm...I'm..." TIM: "So incredibly turned on that this lemon just got twice as long?" MIKE: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" >"Disgusted?" Tracey offered. "Horrified? Revolted?" DROE: "This bunch knows nothing of being disgusted. Remember what Ash did to Misty's ass in 'Love in the Forest'?" RON pukes TIM: "Ron remembers all right." >"No, jealous!" >"What?!?!" >"I wanna bend like that!" Ash bent over at the waist and tried to get >at his erect member. DROE: "Pikachu had no problem getting to his 3 inch dick, neither should Ash." >Misty glared at him, very much annoyed at his self-absorbtion. >"Here, Ash, let me help!" And Misty proceeded to bend Ash like a tin >can, then the two began fighting like only those in the WWF can fight. RON: "I wanna see a hardcore match between those two." MIKE: "Misty's gonna win it. Ash is too much of a pud." >Tracey looked on in wonder. "You're an odd little bunch, aren't you?" DROE: "Now that's an understatement if I've ever heard one." The End! TIM: "About damn time!" They all leave the theater. DR S: "So did you boys learn anything today?" MIKE: "I learned not to get my hopes up becasue they will surely be crushed." RON: "I learned that I still don't like the thought of Ash licking ass." TIM: "I've learned that nothing is real, and that I should start drinking a lot of hard liquor." DROE: "I've learned that I work with morons and I should start drinking with Tim." DR S: "Well, it's been another productive day in our little franchise of evil then." TriviaMan: "I've learned not to steal other people's characters." TM gets the shit shocked out of him again. DOP-GOD: "Bitch, I'm not gonna let you forget that messing with me means pain." DOP-GOD fries TM again and leaves. DR S: "Too much wierd shit going on, call it a night boys." The monitor flickers off. On the next exciting episode of Masterpiece Theater of Science 3000: Alchohol, swearing, and more bad sex! -- TriviaMan Nifty Sig O Doom Owner of 'Toodles', 'Howdy' and other odd old words. He looked as if he hadn't taken a bath in the last six months and the clothes he was wearing seemed to confirm it. "What a tolchek." I said to myself. It was an unkind name used for people of his ilk. -- The PHoenix Factor, Part One: "Reminiscing" by Terence Cole [03:04] * Heruga yawns 'ok so i am officlly mental, crazy, insane, psychotic and bored" [03:04] I saw bored as inbred for some reason [03:04] LOL [03:05] thats one of those signs that you need sllep [03:05] hehee [03:05] another sign is that you misspell sleep [03:05] LMAO [23:52] * Christoph pulls out a pair of figure... Charmy and Sand figures.. [23:53] suddenly.. [23:54] there is too much ass in this yiff! [23:54] [23:54] Ok, that's something I would never say Killer Japanese Seizure Robots http://www.geocities.com/C512H/ trivia22@hotmail.com ICQ:10861319