From: Jose L. Solano (jsolano199@aol.comlink) Subject: [MST] Dima's AFD fic... Chapters 2/3 Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon View this article only Date: 2000/10/09 (Back at home, David, Scott, Jamie and Austin hang out. Suddenly, a rock with a note attached flies through the window and hits Austin in the head) Austin- AAAAH!! Jamie- My window!! David- I'm not paying for that! Scott- Wait, what's this note say? David- Scott, don't! Scott- It's... it's... IT'S A FANFIC!! David- Argh!! You idiot!! Austin- ...can someone get me a band-aid...? David- Shut up! I'm not reading that, Scott!! (Suddenly, Russian bears resembling Stalin's secret police run in) Bear- You shall read, Capitalist scum! David- Uh... ok... Jamie- Hey, you work for Yeltsin, don't you? Bear- Yeltsin is a democratic fool! Yeltsin has resigned! We are under the command of Komrade Safonov! Bear 2- Read, American fools! David- Hey, take that American comment back! >Chapter 2 > > "They're all here." Sarah whispered to Dima in the dining room. David- Which had the table and chairs removed and replaced by countless beer bottles and a keg or two. Bear-.... Scott- Brewskis, if you will. > "Should we go in?" Dima asked. Austin- (Sarah) Oh, please do! Hee hee hee!! Bear- Perverted Capitalist Armadillo! Austin- Foolish Communist bear. > "We must." Dima and Sarah walked into the living room to find everyone cheering, listening to >music and drinking wine. Some were dancing. 'Just like the old times...' Dima thought to himself. David- Wine?! WINE?! What the fuck kind of party serves WINE?! > "Woo, thanks for the party!" Nick yelled at Dima as he was being bounced back and forth by >random Italian girls. Austin- Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Jamie- Who's going "boingy", Nick or the Italian girls? Austin- Both. > "Who are they?" Dima yelled over the music. David- (Dima) Who invited them?! Where is my Secret Police! I want them out of here at once!! Bear- One more crack out of you and we're exiling you from the world of the living! David- (Dima) Secret police! I need you in my bedroom! NOW! Bear- Right away, Komrade Safonov!! (The bears leave) David- Heh heh heh... > "Friends." Nick answered, with a very wide smile. Jamie- (Dima) But they are not friends of mine! Heaven forbid someone have fun at a party, let alone MY party! OUT! > Suddenly, Dima turned around and looked at Sarah. "There's something I have to tell you," Dima >whispered. Dima moved closer moved closer to Sarah. Austin- (Dima) I'm gay, and I had hot sex with Nick. >"All this time, Sarah... I love you." David- (Sarah) Oh, pardon me, did you think I was a man? >Dima was expecting Sarah to say something like "I do, too, Dima." Jamie- But instead he got a slap in the face and a bullet hole in the chest. >But when he moved closer, Sarah pushed him away and walked silently toward Areku. David- Dima, Dima, Dima, don't you know how to do anything right? You don't just assume things, you drunken midget. Jamie- Yeah, she should sue him for sexual harrassment. Which reminds me, don't forget, David. You're due in court tomorrow at noon, and I have Johnny Cochran on my side. David- What?! >She whispered something to him, and soon Areku and Sarah were kissing each other so deeply, it made >Dima want to forget he ever loved Sarah. He didn't stand a chance. Scott- Areku then puts another line on his "Bruised Ego" tally. > A few people yelled "Whoo!" but Nick whistled and hollered as an Italian girl was completely >showering him with kisses. Jamie- What, you expect him to do, say "Ew! Yuck yuck cooties!!" David- Actually, I'd expect him to say "Godamn Italians"! >Then the most unexpected thing happened. Clare walked in the front door. Jamie- OH MY GOD!! Scott- GREAT ME!! David- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST scottisgay. Austin- What's so unexpected about that? Jamie- You killed it, Austin! >She had a light blue strapless dress on. 'Holy Jesus, Mary and Pierre Elliot Trudeau... She's beautiful.' >Dima thought to himself. Clare usually had a boring outfit on, and too much makeup, but with a beautiful >dress and no makeup, Clare was an angel. David- NO makeup?! How the hell does a girl look WORSE with makeup on! Jamie- I look worse. David- That's just because fur and cosmetics don't mix. Jamie-... >Nick even found time to get himself away from the Italian girls long enough to get a good look at her. Scott- (Nick) Must get away from hot girls to see dull and boring girl! > Dima ran up to Clare and signaled for her to follow him. They walked into the dining room and >Dima whispered, "Clare... remember when we were kids, you said that you wished someone would tell you >that you were beautiful, face to face? Well, Clare, you're beautiful and a hell of a lot more than that." Jamie- Ah, typical employee. Invites his boss to the party and kisses her ass. David- I invited my boss once. He tried to eat me. Austin- That was funny. I should've videotaped it and sold it on a porn site. David- I meant eat as in devour flesh, you idiot. Austin- So did I! (David punches Austin) >"Dah, David- DAAAAAAAAAH!! Jamie- DAH!! Scott- DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Austin- DAH DAH DAH!! David- Austin is gay. >you may now kiss the bride," game a goofy voice from the door. Scott- Candyland or Monopoly? >Dima slammed the door shut in Zenigame's face. Jamie- Hey! Leave the poor Squirtle alone!! > "Kissing..." Dima repeated. "Maybe it isn't such a bad idea." Scott- (Clare) I have MACE!! > "No, Dima. No. Not yet." David- (Dima) Yes, now! Give in to my Communist Love! (The bears run back in) Bear- You fooled us! Komrade Safonov did not need us, he was busy with his lover, Gamer! Jamie- Too much info, Commie. > "I still think you're beautiful." David- (Clare) Well tough shit, Dima. You're not getting a promotion and you're not getting in my panties. > Clare mumbled, "This better not be your little plan to get a raise..." Scott- (Dima) No, it's my little plan to get laid. Bear- Komrade Safonov has been laid! Jamie- What, are you a key witness? Bear- Silence, Unfunny Capitalist Hare! Jamie- Foolish Communist Bear. > "Clare, you know I'm better than that." David- Said Dima right before he got his second sexual harrassment case of the day. > Clare giggled. "I guess I do." They walked back into the living room. Austin- And began to fuck on the couch! Jamie- Austin! Bear- Ah, yes! That happened once! But how did you know this? Austin- Uh... Bear- You are a spy! Seize him! (Austin is handcuffed and shackled) Bear- You will be forced to read this and then you will be sent to a gulag! > Nick was now creeping upstairs with his Italian girls. "HEY!" Dima yelled. "No sex! Austin- (Dima) Unless you let me in on it, wink wink. Bear- Silence! >I find any traces of sex, I'll Austin- Lick them right up! Bear- SILENCE!! >make sure you'll never get enough Italian girls in your life!" Nick gulped and descended the staircase. David- Wow, he gave up THAT easily? Bear- Uh... oh crud. It's the end. Bring in Chapter 3! (Two more bears run in and hold chapter 3 up for all to see) >Chapter 3 > > "So, the party was good, wasn't it?" Nick asked Sarah. Nick and Sarah were in cubicles exactly >across from eachother, and they sure talked a lot! Jamie- And eventually their supervisor overheard them and they were both fired. > "Yeah, the party was awesome... Except for one thing... Well... I think I really upset Dima there. I >mean, he loves me, but all I did was push him away... What should I do?" Scott- (Nick) Ok, see, here's what'll happen. You'll ge a phone call from a guy. Listen to what he says, and hope you don't get captured. Alright, next, you'll be taken to some old mansion and the same guy who talked to you will give you two pills. Take the red one. Alright, after that, do whatever they want you to until the guy gets captured and your allies are then killed. You'll want to save him, so you ask for guns. Lots of guns. Then racks and racks of guns fly by, and you and your sexy partner take a bunch. Alright, now at this point, forget all about the guy who got captured. Just pretend he never existed. Now, go back to Dima's house and use those guns to BLOW HIS HEAD OFF!! HAHAHAHA!! DODGE THIS, DIMA!! MWAHAHAHA!! Jamie- Alright, I'll get his Matrix tape, you get the torch. David- Got it. >"Apologize, but tell him that you just don't like him and you like Areku." Jamie- (Sarah) I just don't like you. David- (Dima) Infidel! How dare you!! Bears! BEARS!! Bear- That is not funny, Smartass Capitalist Hyena. David- Foolish Communist Bear. >"Okay... well, I'm going to go show Clare these sole designs." Sarah said a few minutes later. Scott- Oh, that's right, they're all magic elves. Bear- I don't get it. >"See ya." Nick replied. David- (Sarah) I don't think so, Nick! BLAM BLAM BLAM!! > Nick typed up something on his computer, soon the printer at the end of the hall started whirring. Jamie- (Printer) This is a stickup. >Nick ran up to it to collect his printout. Now, all he needed was 200 photocopies and he was set. He ran to >the photocopying room and what he saw shocked him. He was Sarah and Areku sprawled on the ground, >both giggling and kissing eachother. Nick dropped his paper and said, David- (Nick) YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?! Austin- (Areku) Oh, join in, Nicky! >"Whoa, I guess I'll use the other photocopier." Areku pulled out a can of whipped cream and started >spraying it at Sarah. Jamie- I don't think Dima knows just how strict most offices are. How did these two even get away from their cubicles without being shot on the spot? > He saw Nick's paper just as he picked it up. In bold letters it read, "GIRLFRIEND NEEDED - PLEASE >CALL 956-6465 NICK SACCO - LOVES A GOOD FRIEND." Scott- Yeah, just go ahead and write your name all over it in BIG BOLD LETTERS. David- What happened to the Italian chicks? >As Nick walked out the door, he heard Areku whisper something to Sarah. Sarah quietly replied, Jamie- (Sarah) Jesus, is EVERYONE here gay?! >"Hehehe, no, it's me who's lucky." Scott- (Sarah) I have a Masters of the Dark Side set and you don't! Jamie- Uh... Scott- Ok, forget it. Bear- How is- Scott- JUST FORGET IT!! Bear- Silence, Nerdy Capitalist Dolphin! Scott- Foolish Communist Bear. > As Nick walked away from the room, he heard the sound of the whipped cream being shot again. >"I need a girlfriend," he muttered under his breath. David- What, Areku's not licking it off?! WHAT'S THE POINT?! >As Nick walked to the other side of the building toward the second photocopier, he saw JT working at his >desk on a new color design for a shoe. Jamie- (JT) I do believe this new pink and yellow design will go over very well with the clients. >"I've got it!' Nick thought to himself. JT has lots of girls obsessed with him. Jamie- Uh... Scott- Wha? David- AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Austin- I don't get it. David- Hahaha... ha... ha... that's priceless. >He ran up to JT and whispered, "You've gotta help me find a girlfriend." Austin- (JT) Ok, I have one right here for you. Do you have strong lungs? Bear- I said SILENCE!! >JT grinned, hit ALT-CTRL-G on his keyboard, and a little form popped up. It was titled "GIRLFIND". Austin- It was an order form, mailable to Playmates Toys Incorporated. Bear- This is your last warning!! >"Fill it out." JT ordered. Nick filled out the fields, such as Favorite show, favorite rock band. Soon, he was >at the end. JT hit ALT-S and it came up with a match instantly. Austin- The screen read "Al Gore." Bear- HOW DARE YOU MENTION THE NAME OF A CAPITALIST DEMOCRAT!! YOU WILL PAY!! (The bears threw Austin onto the ground and surround him) David- Aww, I can't see anything! (They all begin to fire their rifles at him) Jamie- Great! How am I going to get the stains out?! >Name: Natasha Vilagi >Phone: 905-884-6743 Jamie- Nat's not an AFDer. Bear- KOMRADE SAFONOV MAY DO AS HE WISH. >A grin flashed across JT's face. "And it is done." Scott- Something's very wrong here, unless this is secretly a form to send victims to assassins under the premise of a blind date. Bear- Fanfiction over! (The bears take the fanfic and Austin's bloody corpse with them) Bear- You shall remain in your home until Komrade Safonov wishes it! (Dima walks in) Bear- KOMRADE SAFONOV!! (The bears all bow) Dima- I want you to force them to read the rest of my exquisite fanfiction, and then execute them when they are finished. Bear- Right away, Komrade Safonov! David- Godammit. Scott- I'll never see Empire Strikes Back again! Jamie- Why isn't the government doing anything? What will happen to our "heroes"? Tune in next time, same Commie-time, same Commie-station. Dima- SILENCE!! Jose L. Solano ------------------------------- Owner of infinite "I Am God Because I Wrote Trent Retwin in PW" points ------------------------------- Beware the Dark Hamster of the Sith