Subject: [MSTi] The Unusual Suspects Path: lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Lines: 1133 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: jsolano199@aol.comlink (Jose L. Solano) Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 07 Mar 2001 14:20:33 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Message-ID: <20010307092033.23960.00000141@ng-xa1.aol.com> (We find our heroes stuck in a small, metal room. Oddly enough, they still have a couch. The screen on the wall turns on) McFeely- Ah, hello there. Scott- Hi. McFeely- I have something for you! Austin- Is it a birthday cake? McFeely- ...Anyway, it's my newest funfic! Scott- Can't you just sedate us for this? McFeely- But then it's not fan!!! NOW WATCH!! >- - - > >THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS Scott- Bryan Singer was reluctantly forced to direct this. >(Part Four of "The Saga of the FOX Kids Fantom!") > >By Chris McFeely > >- - - > >Censor Joe is sitting in his office, filling out insurance forms, when >there's a knock at the door. Joe puts a hard hat on his head, and goes to answer it. When an >anvil/piano/elephant/16-ton weight fails to fall on his >head, he looks at the person who knocked. It's a man, about 6'2'', wearing a >trench coat and a fedora. > >Man: You called? Austin- (Joe) Were you followed? Did you bring the lubricant? >Censor Joe: I did? > >Man: Yes. I'm Detective Vice. You called. > >Censor Joe: Oh, right, I remember now. I called you to come down and >interrogate the list of suspects we >have who might be the Fantom, the mysterious person who's been causing all >the accidents here in the last >few weeks - those accidents being the reason I'm wearing this hat. > >Joe winks at the camera. Austin- I don't like this anymore! Jamie- Just try not to think about it, Austin. >Vice: Stow the exposition, tubby, and point me towards the criminals. > >Joe's lower lip trembles. Austin- I think the weight of Vice's massive cock is putting a strain on- Jamie- Austin! >Censor Joe: I'm just big boned... Austin- (Censor Steve) Hyuck hyuck, I'll say! >Censors Bob and Steve appear for no good reason, and Steve takes Joe back >inside his office, where he has >a short cry. Bob takes Vice to the suspects. > >Censor Bob: If you don't mind me asking, Detective - we're all a friendly >bunch around here... what's your >first name? David- (Vice) Sorry, sir. I don't swing that way. You can call me Detective. >Vice: That ain't none of your business, buster. You can call me P. D. - my >friends call me "Plot"... but you >aren't gonna be one of 'em. Jamie- Jumping to conculsions, aren't we? Scott- Maybe he has too many friends as it is. >Censor Bob: ...Plot D. Vice? Jamie- Ok, who didn't see that coming? David- Me. Scott- Me. Austin- Me. Jamie- Idiots. >Vice: Wanna make somethin' of it? > >Censor Bob: No sir, sir. > >- - - > >As Vice and Bob enter the room, everyone inside looks around. Against one >wall are Myotismon, Devimon, >Piedmon, Megatron from 'Beast Machines', Nanette Manoire (of 'Angela >Anaconda' fame), and Flint the >Time Detective. On the other side of the room are the DigiDestined. David- Fags vs. Fags! The showdown! Scott- Hey, Megatron's cool! >Kari: It's about time you got here... that one keeps looking at me funny. >*points at Flint* Austin- (Flint) I just wanna LOOOOOOOVE YA!!! >Vice: Don't you worry, missy, I'll deal with these CRIMINALS. David- Actually, they're more like INNOCENT SUSPECTS. Jamie- More like FRISKED BEYOND BELIEF. Scott- Yes, now let us prosecute these HEATHENS. Austin- I need to take a PISS. Everyone- ... >Devimon: ExCUSE me, but we can't ALL be the Fantom, you know. So stop >calling us ALL criminals. > >Vice: *grabs Devimon by the collar and squashes his face up against his* Austin- (Vice) Where I come from, we do it close and rough! David- I thought I was Vice. >You callin' me WRONG, sonny? > >Devimon: *gulp* No sir, sir. > >Vice: *releases him* Okay then. > >Devimon: S'okay. > >Vice: S'awright. > >Vice begins pacing up and down in front of the six suspects. Jamie- His mind had drifted away from the room and into Never Never Land. It took seven hours for Myotismon to snap him out of it. The rest wisely escaped. >Vice: I'm gonna take each and every one of you in turn... and I'm gonna >inflict the most GRUELLING, >ANGUISHING kind of mental torture on all of you... until you tell me >EVERYTHING I want to know! Scott- (Megatron) No, I DON'T know who wrote the book on love. David- (Devimon) You honestly expect me to know why your wife left you for Censor Joe?! Jamie- (Nanette) Hey, don't ask ME about your itching problem, I don't exactly have that body part. Austin- (Piedmon) Why, as a matter of fact, yes, I DID fuck your daughter. Say, is the baby due soon, father-in-law? >Myotismon raises his hand. > >Vice: What? > >Myotismon: Are you gonna, like, take us into a dark room, and throw us in a >corner, and stand over us and >yell at us and stuff? David- (Vice) And while I'm at it, I think I'll dress you all up in leather. Jamie- David, you really need to stop hanging around Austin. >Vice: Damn right. > >Myotismon: WOO-HOO! Me first! Scott- A masochist, I see. David- Kinky. >Vice: Don't give me any of that lip, sonny. The guy with the horns is goin' >first. > >Devimon: *mutter* Sure, pick on the guy with no legs... Austin- You know, if you don't have any legs... Jamie- Don't say it, Austin. >Devimon (legless, as seen in "An Old Enemy Returns," and of course, "Have >Yourself a Digi Little >Christmas...!") floats across the room, through the doorway that Vice holds >open, which leads into a small, >dark room. As the door closes behind the two of them, Joe and Steve enter >through the other door that Vice >and Bob came through earlier. > >Censor Joe: Did we miss anything? Austin- (Tai) Eh, just some hot mansex. Nothing that'd interest you. >Tai: Naw, it's just starting. > >Joe (Joe KIDO, that is): Y'know, I'm not so sure one of you censors isn't >the Fantom... > >Censor Steve: Oh, for God's sake... > >Joe: Well, what about that stunt you pulled so we couldn't be in the third >part of the movie? Scott- (Censor Joe) What, you mean how I edited a bunch of non-existent scenes involving relationship development and fan-made characters? >Censor Joe: I keep TELLING you, you idiot, it's not our FAULT that Kokomon >gave you MANGE, okay?! > >Joe: That's just what you want me to think... > >- - - > >Inside the room... > >Vice: You may as well tell me now, Sonny - are you the Fantom? Jamie- (Investigator) So, did you kill Mary Smith? Austin- (Suspect) No. Jamie- (Investigator) You're clean. Next! >Devimon: No, I bloody well am not! And stop calling me "Sonny" - I was >consuming souls before you were >even BORN, you pathetic mortal! > >Vice: Don't take that tone with me, Sonny. > >Devimon: RAAGH! TOUCH OF EVIL! Scott- Is that his attack? Jamie- Maybe it's an expression. Austin- Vice touched him in places he doesn't like to be touched. David- Shut up, Austin. >- - - > >Back in the main room, there's a muffled explosion, and then, the door >opens, and Vice drags Devimon out. Austin- (Devimon) Wow, that was SOME climax! Hey guys! Don't worry! This guy is GREAT!! Jamie- Austin, shut up already! >The tail of his coat is smoking, but Devimon has the impression of a fist on >his face. > >Vice: This one ain't the Fantom. He doesn't have any legs. > >Censor Bob: Hey, that's a good point... > >Censor Steve: Colour my face red. Austin- (Censor Steve) Because my face no longer has blood vessels and you can't tell that the way you're grabbing me is making me blush. Now let go and we'll go do this somewhere else, Bob. >Vice points at Myotismon. > >Vice: You next. > >Myotismon: YAAAY! > >Piedmon grimaces. > >Piedmon: Bad enough I have to deal with HER... David- What the hell? Where'd this come from? Jamie- I don't think McFeely could find any other place to put this gag. >Piedmon looks down, and we see that Arukenimon (human form) is clinging to >his leg. > >Matt and Ken walk over. > >Matt: We feel your pain. > >Jun and Yolei look up from their positions on the floor, attached to Matt >and Ken. Austin- Yes, but the question is: Attached WHERE? Jamie- Austin, that's enough! >Jun: Hi there! I love your hair! > >Arukenimon: Thanks! I do it myself! > >Yolei: We could totally help you with that! Jamie- (Arukenimon) Hey, are you saying my hair needs help?! ARE YOU?! >All three giggle loudly, and Piedmon, Matt and Ken scream. > >- - - > >Vice: Are you the Fantom? > >Myotismon: No, I'm not, but I DO like his style. Capes are so IN this year. Scott- No! No capes!! NOOOO!! NO CAPES!!! NOOOOOOO!!! David- What's with him? Jamie- Maybe he thinks this is a sign that some caped Star Wars characters will have their personalities raped. > >Myotismon snatches Vice's fedora and puts it on himself. > >Vice: Hey...! David- (Vice) I don't like it when fags take my hat, see?! Especially vampire fags! >Myotismon: Hee-hee, look at me, I'm the Fantom! > >Vice: You are? > >Myotismon: No. > >Vice: But you said... > >Myotismon: When's that torture coming, huh? Austin- Don't worry, Vice is just getting his whip. >- - - > >Myotismon crashes through the door suddenly, the imprint of Vice's boot on >his ass. > >Vice: I'm an officer of the LAW, punk. > >Myotismon: Yeah, well, I thought cops were SUPPOSED to frisk you! David- (Vice) And let it be known that Detective Plot D. Vice does NOT like having a large, pale, throbbing vampire cock wedged in his ass! Jamie- A little graphic, aren't we? David- Self-description. Except for the pale vampire part. Jamie- Don't flatter yourself. >Piedmon: I am SO going to kill you later. > >Vice motions for Piedmon to go into the room. > >Vice: You're next, clown-boy. Leave the dame here. Austin- I don't think he wants any women in his chamber. Jamie- I guess he IS gay, then. >Arukenimon: Awww... > >Arukenimon lets go of Piedmon and morphs into her Digimon form. As the door >shuts behind Vice and >Piedmon, Myotismon dusts himself off. > >Myotismon: Hellooo, pretty lady. David- Ok, so maybe the vampire's bi. >Arukenimon: *giggle* > >- - - > >Vice: Are you the F- > >Piedmon: Are you a complete idiot? > >Vice: What? David- (Vice) Well OF COURSE I am! How else did you expect McFeely to convince me to star in this piece of crap?! >Piedmon: The Fantom HOSPITALISED me. I CAN'T be him. Scott- Just a clever plot to disguise his own clumsiness and keep him away from suspicion! >Vice: I beg to differ. You set yourself up, didn't you? Thought you could >hurt yourself, so no-one would >suspect that you WERE the Fantom, didn't you? Scott- No, you fool! The injury was unintentional! What kind of detective are you?! >Piedmon: Excuse ME, Robert freakin' Stack, Jamie- Great. Now I have the mental image of Robert Stack having sex with a gay vampire. I'll never watch Unsolved Mysteries again. David- Hey, why is it on Lifetime all the sudden? Jamie- You watch Lifetime? David- I... uh... er... > but you think I'd actually do >that to myself? And >WILLINGLY subject myself to endless hours in a hospital bed with only that >WOMAN out there for >company? Scott- I'm convinced that this guy is not heterosexual. Jamie- What if Arukenimon looked like Tori Spelling? Scott- Ok, forget I said anything! >Vice: Why not? She seems like a nice dame. > >Piedmon: You wouldn't say that if SHE WAS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GNAW YOUR >SHIN BONE >OFF!!! Jamie- Isn't there a name for that? David- Yeah, it's called Fucking Pussy disorder. Jamie- I meant the bone. David- Uh... fucking pussy bone? >Piedmon flings his leg up on to the table, and shows Vice the bite marks. > >Vice quietly retches. > >Vice: Okay, okay, I believe you... you can go... > >Piedmon: Goodie. TTFN, Ta-Ta For Now... Jamie- Wh- WHAT DID HE SAY??!?!?! David- Oh shit. Jamie- HOW DARE HE?!?! THAT BASTARD STOLE TIGGER'S LINE!!! THAT FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!! DID HE THINK HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT?!?!?! I'LL BREAK OUT OF THIS METAL ROOM AND I'LL FIND HIM AND I'LL RIP HIS FUCKING LUNGS OUT AND THE FEED THEM TO HIM!!!! David- Is that all? Jamie- Yes. I'm fine now. Scott still holds the rant record. Scott- Damn right! >Piedmon jumps out the window. David- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Jamie- Maybe it was the first floor. David- Hah... dammit, Jamie, why do you always have to ruin everything?! >Vice opens the door back to the main room. > >Arukenimon: Where's my Piedy-Wied? What'd you DO to him? > >Vice: Window. > >Arukenimon runs forward and jumps out the window. David- Jamie- First floor. David- Can you at least wait until I say something?! >Arukenimon (v/o): I'm coming, love! > >Piedmon (v/o): AUUGH! > >Vice snaps his fingers at Megatron. > >Megatron: Do not presume to order me, you filthy organic, noooo. I will rip >out your still-pulsating spark >and turn your fleshy carcass into a draught excluder, yeeeesss! Scott- No! I forgot about the YEEESSSSing!! Bad memories returning!! Jamie- Hmm... Scott's brain may implode by the end of this fic. Austin- Dibs on his Gundam models. >Vice: I don't got no spark, pal - unless you count the spark that created >the undying fire in my heart to >uphold the law and fight for truth, justice, and the Ameri- > >Megatron: Oh, for God's sake, all right! Just shut up, yeeess. Jamie- Every gag has an expiration date. > >- - - > >Vice: Are you the Fantom? > >Megatron: Noooo... yeeess. > >Vice: ....what? Jamie- And that date is today. >Megatron: I SAID, Nooooo! Yeeess. Jamie- Ok, the joke's old, McFeely. >Vice: You're NOT the Fantom, right? Jamie- Ok, he just killed the joke... >Megatron: Yeeeess! Nooo. Scott- And beat its corpse. >Vice: You ARE? > >Megatron: NOOOO! Yess. Austin- And raped its dead body. >Vice: You don't even KNOW, do you? > >Megatron: Noooo. Yeees. David- And then did the same to the joke's family. >- - - > >As a drooling Megatron is carried away by Thrust and Jetstorm, Vice takes >Nanette into the room. > >Vice: Now, I'm sure a cute li'l girl like you couldn't the Fantom, could >you? Jamie- (Nanette) No, I try to stay away from stupid names. David- But she's still stuck with Nanette. Jamie- Exactly. >Nanette: Oh, oui! Which is French for - let me out of this f*cking room! David- What? What's that? Fecking? Ficking? Focking? Austin- FOCK YOU! Scott- No... SONICFAN flashbacks! >Vice: Well, the "cute" thing don't WORK on ME, Missy! Now you sit yer ass >down, and you answer my! Scott- Behold! Detective Vice uses the word form of torture in his interrogation! THE INCOMPLETE SENTENCE!! >Nannete: S'il vous plait! Which is French for - f*ck YOU, you f*cking >horse-f*cker!! David- FOCK YOU, SALLY! Scott- No! Stop it! David- YOU MOTHERFOCKER! Scott- NO! STOP! David- I FOCKED YOUR SISTER! Scott- CUT IT OUT! David- F- (Scott punches David) David- You punch like a girl. Scott- Shut up! >- - - > >A few minutes later, Vice and Nanette walk out of the room. Nanette has her >beret lodged firmly in her >mouth. > >Censor Bob: Well? > >Vice: *shakes head* Trust me, it's NOT her. > >Censor Steve: Who's left? > >Kari: THIS ONE! GET IT OFFFFF! > >Flint: *glomp* > >T.K. and Davis drag Flint off of Kari, and hand him, by his ankles to Vice. David- Who then spanks him like a newborn and punts him out the window. >He takes him into the room, and >the door shuts. Instead of switching to inside the room, the camera stays >with the DD (read: The author >doesn't WATCH Flint the Time Detective). Jamie- Well, looks like SOMEONE forgot to include characters he knows about. Scott- Well, he MIGHT know about Myotismon... >Izzy is sitting in the corner, working on Charlene. Austin- (Izzy) Oh, Ch- >Get your mind out of the >gutter, you!! Austin- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Jamie, this fic is talking back to meeeee!! Jamie- There there, bro, it won't hurt you. >Charlene: This - is - nice - Izzy - - we - can - be - alone - - without - >that - icky - Tentomon - around - to - >bother - us... Austin- Maybe you should have a threesome. >Izzy: Not HERE, Charlene... > >Armadillomon: Whar IS Tentahmahn, an'way? > >Izzy: Ack! What are you DOING behind me? > >Armadillomon: Hopin' y'all'd stahrt som'thahn'. *sick grin* Austin- (Izzy) Oh, we already finished, you just missed it. >Izzy: Ew! Get AWAY from me! > >Armadillomon: Hey, what tha' heck d'y'all want? Chris ain't focused on me >'tall! Ah ain't got ah developed >personal'ty quirk, an' he's doin' his best to expahnd on mah perversion from >the Christmas fic! David- A perverted armadillo... Jamie- Maybe this is a sign? Scott- Well, what ELSE could Austin be? Austin- You guys think I'm an Armadillomon? I told you a thousand times, I'M NOT GAY!! >Chris (v/o, from the other side of the fourth wall): Yes, folks, this is >what you have to look forward to in >future fics - a perverted Armadillomon. Live it up. Austin- I'M NOT AN ARMADILLOMON!!! >Suddenly, the door bursts open, and Flint walks out. His eyes are wide, and >he walking very slowly, calmly, >with small steps, not saying a word. Vice walks out behind him. > >Vice: It ain't him. > >Davis: Uh... like, where's his hammer? > >Vice: Lemme put it this way, sonny... he ain't gonna be sittin' down a for a >while. Scott- You shoved his DAD up his ass?! Jamie- The hammer's his dad? David- What, was his mom unable to find her dildo and had to improvise? Scott- I dunno, I don't watch the show. Austin- Then how do you kn- Scott- Heyit'sgettinglateIbettergettosleepgoodnight! >All: *sweatdrop* > >Censor Joe: So... let's get this straight... none of these guys are the >Fantom? > >Vice: Near as I can figure. And I figure pretty damn near. > >Censor Bob: ...remind us what we're paying you for again? David- (Vice) Well, I'm here to- Jamie- Don't! David- (Vice) Give you- Jamie- David! David- (Vice) Some hot- Jamie- Do it and you sleep on the couch! David- (Vice) Food. Jamie- That's better. >- - - > >A little later... Vice has left the censors and cast to their own devices, >and is searching the studios. Scott- The vending machines were out of Snickers. Whatever is a detective to do?! >Vice: Got to be something around here... David- Who cares if there's trouble, just arrest people and make up reasons later! >Vice is carefully treading through piles of junk, when his foot catches on >something, and he stumbles >backward, falling on his ass, and jarring loose a floorboard. Scott- That's one fat ass. >Vice: What in the...? > >As the floor board see-saws upward, a portion of the wall on his left slides >open. Jamie- Fantom may as well have just put a sign. David- "PuSH FLURBORED OPIN WALLL L@@K" >Vice: ...and Bingo was his name-o... Austin- B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O and... (David punches Austin) >Vice darts inside the opening in the wall, and finds himself inside a narrow >corridor. He eases himself down >it, and walks along for a few minutes. > >Vice: This has to lead somewhere... David- Actually, it's part of an expansion project that got ditched, so it was never finished, and it leads to a dead end, so you've just wasted your time! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! >Up ahead, there's a crack noise. Jamie- Vice looked up to find an addict, holding a ziplock bag. >Vice's head snaps around, David- That'll teach him! >searching for the sound's source... when a small, >green sphere bounces past his foot. He watches it go. Scott- Why, it's a Great Ball! Vice grabs it and opens it to reveal a Kangaskhan! Jamie- But no baby. >Vice: What the...? > >More spheres bounces past, when suddenly, a giant WAVE of them smashes into >Vice, burying him >underneath them. He's knocked unconscious, with only his hand sticking out >of the pile. >A silhouetted pair of legs appears in the foreground David- And decides to piss on Vice's exposed hand. >and a familiar voice >speaks. David- Oh no! A familiar voice! Scott- Sounds like Captain Needa! Jamie- No, it's Trent Easton! Austin- You poopheads, it's Deadeye Duck! >Figure: Mmm... cantaloupes... (Everyone quickly realizes that they've just been subjected to McFeely's lamest and most overused gag) Everyone- Awwww... >Vice's body is dragged out from under the fruity mountain, and off screen. > >- - - > >Hours later, the censors are talking with paramedics. Jamie- They'd arrived just in time for the annual company picnic. Scott- Censor Joe suffered a serious heart attack after eating a double-bacon-greaseburger. David- It's too bad those paramedics happened to be there. >Paramedic: So, where'd you say you found him? Scott- (Censor Joe) Oh, right over there, in the corner, where all those empty beer bottles are. >Censor Joe: Right in the middle of our recording studio. Jamie- Their recording studio was behind a secret wall panel? Scott- I guess that explains why decent voice talent never gets there. >Paramedic: No signs of what had happened to him? > >Censor Bob: Nope. > >Censor Steve: And he doesn't remember ANYTHING? Scott- I think now's a time as good as any to bring out the McFeely Translator. Jamie- It still works? Even in a small metal room with no electric outlets? Scott- Yeah, I just rigged it up to my Game Boy and it's running on the batteries. Problem is, it'll only last a few minutes, so it'll malfunction before it does. >Paramedic: Nope. Took a hit to the head pretty hard. Maybe a couple'a times. >He's totally lost his memory. >Thinks he's a cantaloupe. Translator- I'm a puppet. I have no idea what happened. Hell, I can;t even remember why I'm answering questions if I don't even know this guy. >Censor Joe: Ah, JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE F*CKING HELL IS WITH THE CANTALOUPE >THING?!?!? Jamie- Hmm... a McFeely character that's overriding his programming? Scott- The gestapo will take care of you, Censor Joe! David- And your friends, too! >Censor Bob: Joe, man, calm down. I'm sure it will all be revealed in time... >after several more hints... Jamie- But on the other hand, here's a McFeely character working as nothing more than a tool for exposition. Scott- But that's all of them. Jamie- Oh yeah... >Bob winks at the camera. (Austin clings to Jamie) Austin- Jamie, I'm scared! David- Stop that! Only I may cling to Jamie. >Censor Joe: Stop that. Only I may wink. David- ARE YOU MOCKING ME?!?! >- - - > >In the rafters, high above, the menacing figure of the FOX Kids Fantom Scott- You guys DO remember that the Fantom looks like a skinny man in a tuxedo, cheap cape, and bland mask, right? Jamie- Basically, he's the movie version of Magneto. David- Hey! Leave Magneto alone! Scott- Fanboy! David- Shut the fuck up... uh... fanboy!! Scott- Ha! >stands, his balance perfect, beside a >large grey metal box. He pops the blade from the tip of his cane, and sets >to work picking the lock on the >box. David- Oh no, he's trying to steal the hidden plans of the Censors!! Jamie- Or maybe this is just another red herring. Austin- Looks like he's trying to open a box, if you ask me. David- Moron. >Fantom: Ahh, yess... soon, the suffering shall begin... David- Wait, wait, wait... BEGIN!?! Does this guy know he's in a McFEELY fanfic? Scott- Maybe he's referring to the suffering of those who enjoy McFeely's "work". David- I don't think they'll care, they're gluttons for punishment anyway. >The Fantom pauses. > >Fantom: ...hey! You! Author-guy! Chris, or whatever! > >Yes? David- (Fantom) I'd just like to say that you're a fag. That is all. >Fantom: How come I always get crappy dialogue like this? Jamie- (McFeely) Because I'm God. >Crappy? I though you sounded kinda dramatic. Scott- Let's keep in mind, McFeely's Irish. David- I dunno, he always seems sober. Jamie- Well, sure, now, but where else would he get the inspiration? David- Good point... >Fantom: Dramatic maybe, but just once, I'd like to start a scene without >saying "ahh, yess." Austin- (Dima) Ah, no! David- Ah, no! Jamie- Ah, no! Scott- Ah, no! >Aw, c'mon, it's fun! > >Fantom: This is fun to you, is it? Well, maybe I'll just end the fun right >now! Translator- Tonight you sleep on the couch, Chris. Austin- Took the words right out of my mouth! Scott- Wow, the translator spoke. You've been quiet, Translator. Translator- You used Energizer batteries. How could you? Scott- McFeely made me do it! >The Fantom grabs the side of his mask. > >Hey, what are you doing?! No, stop, don't do that--! > >Fantom: I, the FOX Kids Fantom am actually none other than - ! > >An anvil/piano/elephant/16-ton weight falls on the Fantom's head. Jamie- All at once? Ouch. David- Well at least he's dead now. >Don't do that AGAIN! > >Fantom (muffled): Okay, okay, sorry... can I just get back to my evil now? Translator- I am your bitch. >Okay then. > >The anvil/piano/elephant/16-ton weight disappears, and the Fantom goes back >to picking the lock on the >box. > >Fantom: *mutters* There's got a be a union for people who have to put up >with this sort of thing... Jamie- It's called Masochists of America. David- But they're always full, so you could also try Worthless Characters Anonymous. Scott- And of course there's always the Battered Fictional Character's Shelter. Austin- Or you could try The Dumbass Union. >- - - > >TO BE CONTINUED! (Tortured screams from the heckler's gallery) > >- - - > >Next - A brief musical interlude! Coming very soon is a full-length version >of: > >"THE REAL DIGI-KAISER!" David- The only thing gayer than Eminem is people that make Eminem parodies. Scott- Tribute or mockery? David- Either. Except ICP, that was funny. >Enjoy it while it lasts, because after that, prepare yourself for: > >"IT'S ONLY TV... BUT I LIKE IT!" > >- a crazy mish mash of scenes and parodies Jamie- Parodies? Oh no, not more false characterizations! Scott- If he'll think Star Wars takes place on Earth and in the future... David- Doesn't it? > that'll have you wondering what >the hell I'm smoking and where you can get some! Translator- I am trying to make my stupid ideas sound funny by implying that they are the result of habitual drug use. David- I could've told you that. >And then, after that, the final two-part story of "The >Saga of the FOX Kids Fantom," >when the Fantom himself will be unmasked! Scott- I sense an Archidemes Effect. David- A what? Scott- It's when a mysterious character is overhyped for a long period of time, fooling the reader into thinking that the character plays a larger role in a much greater scheme, but by the time the character is revealed to be insignificant and boring, there aren't enough people still reading to complain. Jamie- Where's this from? Scott- The Knuckles backstories from the Sonic the Hedgehog comic. He was just a fire ant. David- Fanboy. McFeely- The Fantom is NOT a fire ant! Scott- I was talking about Archimedes. McFeely- The funfic is over, and now I will reward you with sleeping quarters. Jamie- Finally! McFeely- You will have two beds to share between the four of you. David- I'm sharing with Jamie. Scott- Dammit! Austin- No! Scott, if you try to abuse me in the middle of the night... Scott- You better not try anything either, you mutt! Jamie- Like I'd share a bed with either of you. McFeely- SILENCE!! (a guard shocks Jamie with a cattle prod) Jamie- OW! McFeely- Take them to the dormitory! (They are led off. Austin trips) McFeely- Big mistake! Fry him! Austin- Awww... (The guards ignore the rest and zap Austin with their cattle prods, full charge) Scott- YES! DIE!! DIEE!!!! David- Quick, let's go while they're distracted!! (the guards are done with Austin and continue to escort our heroes) David- DAMMIT!!! Jose L. Solano ------------------------------- 100% of all people who read my posts die ------------------------------- Beware the Dark Hamster of the Sith