Subject: [MSTi] Secret Files and Digi-Origins Path: lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!audrey04.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Lines: 1170 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: jsolano199@aol.comlink (Jose L. Solano) Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon Date: 18 Feb 2001 01:11:26 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Message-ID: <20010217201126.27420.00001441@ng-df1.aol.com> (We find our heroes sitting around. David is watching TV, Austin is playing with his action figures and Jamie is reading the newspaper. Suddenly, Scott rushes in) Scott- Guys, help! David- Did you piss off another Trekkie, Scott? Scott- No, worse, I pissed AFD off! David- Well, fuck. Jamie- Thanks a lot, Scott. (A leprechaun, a lawn gnome, a girl with opaque sunglasses and a kid with a "retarded-pleez help" sign around his neck walk in) McFeely- Aye, there! Dima- Capitalist fools! Susan- Hm? What's going on here? Phantom- duuuurr Austin- AH! WHO ARE THESE FOOLS?! Dima- We are the elite council of AFD! I am Komrade Safon- David- Yeah, yeah, we know you and the drunk. Who are these goons? Dima- This is her majesty, the great and talented, the beautiful and enchanting, the magnificent and charming, the apple of my eye, so cute she makes me want to cry, Susan! Jamie- Wipe your nose. Dima- Hm? Oh, in a minute. And this is Phantom. Phantom- SLOTH! Jamie- ... Austin- Jamie, I'm scared! McFeely- This lad here has gone and riled us up! For that I will punish you all! Susan- WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?! Phantom- me want lad McFeely- And now, bear witness to my newest funfic! All- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! McFeely- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dima- Roll it, Komrade! >- - - Austin- Triplets! >At the top of the FOX Kids building, Censors Joe, Bob and Steve stand before >the almighty CEO Vader Scott- WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BADASS KNOWN AS DARTH VADER. > as he regards them from his seated position on his throne. > >Vader: ...what the hell's going ON AROUND HERE? Austin- (Censor Steve) Well, you ask for a three- Jamie- Don't start. >Censor Joe: We... we have our best men working on it, your lordship, sir. > >Vader: Not a day goes by without some form on industrial accident or injury >to a cast member in your >department! Digimon is our most valuable asset right now, David- HAHAHAHAHAHA Scott- HAHAHAAHHA Jamie- HAHAHAHAHA Austin- HAHAHAHAHAHA Jamie- HAHAHAHAHA David- HAHAHAHA Austin- HAHAHAHAHA Scott- HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAA Austin- I don't get it. >and we cannot >afford to lose it! You MUST discover the cause of these "accidents"! David- Maybe someone in the world got up off their ass and tried to kill the Digidestined. Jamie- While the rest of the world sat back, quitely cheered, and passed out. >Censor Bob: We endeavour to serve the greatness that is... > >Vader: Oh, get your nose out of my ass and do your job, dammit! Austin- (Censor Steve) Nose? Oh, is it really that small?! Jamie- AUSTIN! >- - - Austin- Three's a crowd. >SECRET FILES AND DIGI-ORIGINS! > >By Chris McFeely > >- - - > >Izzy sits on top of a crate of props, tapping away at Charlene Jamie- Holy shit, that was uncalled for! >. For those of you with short memory spans, Charlene is the name of his laptop. David- I'm not sure what's more pathetic, the fact that he named the damn thing or the fact that it has a female name. >It talks. Seriously. Tentomon sits beside him. Scott- No more cantaloupe jokes, please. >Charlene: What - are - we -doing - today - Izzy? Jamie- (Izzy) Same thing we do every night, Charlene! Try to- Austin- (Izzy) HAVE HOT CYBER SEX. Jamie- ... >Izzy: Well, I thought first I'd check my message boards, then my newsgroups, >then go and download the >new reverse megabyte multiplay ultra-configuration anti-viral game patch >from >PatheticComputerNerds.Com... David- Speaking of which, I heard McFeely named his computer 'Patty'. Jamie- Or maybe that's 'Paddy.' Either way it's not good. >Charlene: Why - do - we - never - do - what - *I* - want - to - do? Austin- (Charlene) Always - you - on - top - in - missionary - position - I - want - to - do - it - zip - drive - style! >You - never - TAKE - me - anywhere - any - more... David- (Izzy) That's because I'm paying you, now spread your motherboard, bitch! >Izzy: *notices that Tai is coming towards him* Not NOW, Charlene... Scott- (Tai) Oh, go ahead, I don't mind. >Tai limps up, his left leg in a cast. Behind him are Kari - her arm in a sling David- ...shot, which is promptly fired. > Sora - a bandage over her head - Austin- I guess McFeely must've been grappling her too hard when she was giving him a blo- Scott- No! No pedo-talk! >Cody - wearing a neck brace - and Matt - with a harmonica-shaped lump jutting out of his throat. David- (Matt) AAH!! No! Musical instruments are growing out from me! Help! There's a keyboard coming out of my ass! No wait, I jammed it there this morning, never mind! >Sora and Matt are arm-in-arm, and are talking quietly... > >Sora: Just to be clear, again... you know I'm only doing this to make Tai >jealous, right? Jamie- Now why would she do that? I thought they were already all over each other. David- Yeah, and once you've had your fill of cake, you don't get jealous when you see someone else having some. >Matt: Yup. And *you* know that *I'm* only doing this to get Jun off my back, >right? > >Sora: Yup. > >Matt: ...God, we ARE pathetic, aren't we? Scott- AH! THEY'RE SELF-AWARE! THEY'LL TURN ON US! IT'S TERMINATOR 2 ALL OVER AGAIN! >Sora: No doubt. > >Tai walks up to Izzy. > >Tai: Izzy... we'd, uh, guess that you've noticed all the... accidents that >keep happening around here... David- (Izzy) Oh, yeah, that was me. I just bought a new rifle and couldn't resist. >Izzy: Accidents? What accidents? > >All of them sweatdrop. > >Izzy: Oh, yeah, right. > >Tai: Uh... anyway... we figure, they can't ALL be coincidences... there's >something WEIRD going on >around here. We were wondering... is there a chance you and Shirley could >hack into the FOX computer >files, and see if there's anything in there about all this? Scott- Yeah, like Saddam Hussein's really going to leave his diary lying around at Hussein.com. >Charlene: My- NAME - is - CHARLENE! > >Tai: YES! Charlene! That's what I meant! DON'T HURT ME! David- If you fear a computer that some nerd fucks every night you DESERVE to get hurt by it. >Charlene: Your - just - ASKING - for - it - hair-boy. Jamie- Charlene must be jealous that she can't grow hair, ride a bike, watch TV or experience human emotion. >Izzy: Hmn... that would seem to be a viable hypothesis... very well, I'll do it. > >Tentomon: Uhm... can you... excuse me for a while, Izzy? I have something I >need to... do. > >Izzy: Sure... Austin- (Izzy) Just clean up this time, alright?! >Tentomon runs off like a startled wombat, and Izzy starts typing on Charlene. Jamie- (Charlene) OH - YES - OH - GOD - IZZY - YES - HARDER - HARDER - OH - YES - YES - YES - YES - OH - GOD - YES >Izzy: Hmn... there are numerous levels of security... the first shouldn't be too hard to breach... > >Izzy hits a few more keys. Jamie- (Charlene) OH - THAT'S - THE - SPOT - OH... wait a second... Austin- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >Charlene: Ow! Not - so - hard! David- Aw, can't handle rough sex? >Charlene bleeps. > >Izzy: We're in! David- (Tai) Hey, hey, speak for yourself! >Tai: What's in there? > >Izzy: It seems to be an information database... > >Kari: Information on what? > >Izzy: Information on... > >Charlene: ...ME! Jamie- Don't tell me there's more to this thing than just a computer/sex toy... >Charlene bleeps, and activates the link on her screen. A new window flashes >up! > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/charlene.htm > >(Author's note - click the link, read the page, then return here to continue >on with the story! Do this with >each new link that you come across! Each page that opens is the page that >Charlene has accessed - read >along with Izzy and the others!) David- GAY. >*click* Scott- You can't make me click! Two plus two does not equal four! >Charlene: *mutter* Makes - me - out - to - be - some - kind - of - maniac... > >Tai: I thought it was quite accurate... > >Charlene: Okay! That's - it! CONNECTION - TERMINATOR! Scott- So that means Izzy is going to send one of his underlings to go back in time and save his mom from Charlene, and eventually Izzy ends up calling his underling "daddy". >Tai is blasted across the studio by a bolt of electricity. He crashes into a >backdrop, and the noise attracts the >attention of Davis, Willis, Yolei and Mimi. Scott- Ok, shouldn't there be a limit to how many characters a show can have? Jamie- Or at least a limit on stupid characters. David- Is there a difference?! >Willis: What was THAT? > >Kari: ...who are you, again? > >Willis: *growls* > >Kari: *whispers to Yolei* Who's the new kid? > >Yolei: Beats the heck out of me. Jamie- Wow, that joke almost worked. >Davis: C'mon guys! It's Willis! You remember him, right? Jamie- Ok, nevermind, he went too far and killed it. >Kari & Yolei: ... > >Davis: Eh, who asked you anyway... > >Mimi peers over Izzy's shoulder - as best she can, as she's wearing a back >brace. Austin- She had an accident while- Jamie- SHUT UP! >Mimi: What's going on? > >Izzy: Tai asked me to hack into the studio computer files - we're trying to >find out if the execs around here >know anything about the weird accidents that've been happening. > >Mimi: OOOoOoOOoOOOOOOoooOOoOOOoOOoooOOOOOOoooOOOOOOooOOOOooOOOhhhHH! > >Everyone removes their fingers from their ears. > >Mimi: Did you find anything out yet? > >Matt: They keep a file on Charlene, anyway. David- (Matt) But I don't blame them, she has one nice set of speakers... >Charlene: The - FOX - mainframe - is - a - friend - - such - a - flirt - - >bet - it's - for - his - personal - use... > >Davis: You wish. > >Charlene: Back - off - ya - little - bitch. David- Wow, a machine told you off. I think it's time to kill yourself, because that shame'll never go away. >Izzy: Hold on a second... there's something else coming through here... I >think we've almost penetrated the >second level of security... > >*bleep* > >Izzy: We're in! > >Yolei: What's in there? Austin- (Izzy) Eh, just some nude pics of the censors. >Izzy: Looks like... staff records... > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/joe.htm > >*click* Jamie- This interactive thing has to be the stupidest gimmick I've ever seen. Scott- Worse than that time we went to that storyteller in fifth grade and she made us walk halfway across the building to look at a picture and then back to the room to continue the story? Jamie- Well, there's no difference, but at least her story was cool. >Everyone turns to look at Yolei. > >Yolei: What? C'mon, get real! Like I'm shallow enough to use a man's >feelings to manipulate him... > >All: ... > >Yolei: ...I hate all of you. Scott- She has seen the light! >Yolei spins on her heel and storms off. > >Izzy: There's still more... > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/bob.htm > >*click* > >Matt: Ooh, Bon Jovi. I have newfound respect for Bob. Jamie- Bon Jovi? Hey, he's got goo- David- BON JOVI SUCKS. Scott- I like his old stuff. Austin- Bon Jovi... isn't that our mailman? >Sora: It's my life... it's now or never... Jamie- NO! NO! Scott- AAARGHH!!! Jamie- That's Bon Jovi's worst song!!! Austin- He writes songs? David- I thought it was they. Either way, Bon Jovi sucks. >Tai blinks. > >Tai: Sora, I'm deeply and madly in love with you, I want to marry you, and I want you to have my kids David- (Tai) I certainly don't want them, that's for sure! > and I want for us to grow old together Jamie- (Tai) C'mon, the retirement home will be fun! >and all that stuff. > >Sora: *looks around* ...sorry, did you say something? > >Tai: Nope. > >Sora: 'kay. David- Ok, was there a point to that?! Jamie- Yeah, it was supposed to be pointless. Scott- Actually, it's a joke. See, Sora's not pa- David- SHUT UP. >Tai quietly and repeatedly bashes his head off a wall. David- Suddenly a wrecking ball bashes through. >Izzy: Here's another one... > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/steve.htm > >*click* > >Izzy continues to search this level of security, which is extensive, >oblivious to what goes on around him. Jamie- Hey, nobody commented on the web page. Maybe McFeely's finally getting bored. >Davis: Mmmn... cheese fries... *gargle* Scott- Does that count as a random comment or a reference to the page? David- Why don't you click and find out? Scott- NO! NO!! It's a random comment, then. >Willis: Cheese fries are overrated. > >Davis: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? Scott- YOU ARE NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR THAT LINE! GARY COLEMAN WILL FIND YOU AND BITE YOUR PANCREAS OUT AND FEED IT TO YOUR CHILDREN! >Willis: GRAAAAAGH! > >Willis grabs Davis by the collar and slams him against the wall. > >Willis: STOP SAYING THAT!! I HATE THAT!! David- Maybe he IS Gary Coleman... >Willis bashes Davis off the wall several times, until T.K., Ken and Joe, >their attentions caught by the noise, >round the corner, and, having avoided injury thus far, manage to prise >Willis off Davis. Austin- Of course, what was REALLY happening was some hot ma- Jamie- NO. >Willis: If one more of you damn Japanese ask me what I'm talking about, you' >re gonna FEEL the WRATH >of the U. S. of A, damn you all!! David- Ok, has anyone here ever heard an American speak like that? Jamie- Where to begin... David- That I HAVEN'T already found and killed?! Jamie- Oh. No. Never. >T.K.: God, man, simmer down! > >Willis: I'M PERFECTLY CALM! One of these days, though, I'm GONNA snap... and >THEN, you're ALL >gonna be sorry you asked me what I was talking about!! Scott- Argh, he's turning one-liners into entire scenes! Jamie- At this rate he'll make a trilogy out of an episode of Jack of All Trades. >Willis shoves T.K. off of him and stomps off, muttering angrily and >growling. > >Cody: He has some serious people problems. > >Joe: You can't blame the guy... after all, how easy can it be to relate to >people when you don't technically >exist? Jamie- So is Willis supposed to be some sort of fan character? Scott- I know I'd go nuts of some dubbing company legally owned me even though I'm just the creation of some Irish pedophile. >*bleep* Austin- MY VIRGIN EARS!! Jamie- Now, now, no need to resort to profanity! Scott- I won't tolerate such explicit language! David- Well *bleep* you too! And for all I *bleep* care you can *bleep* your *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* for them, and *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeeeeep* JUST LIKE THAT! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?! I'M GOING TO FIND YOU AND *bleep* *bleep* YOUR WIFE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Jamie- Settle down! >Izzy: I've penetrated the third level of security... it's the last... so if >what we're looking for isn't here, then >we're in trouble. > >Sora: Well, come on, what's it say? > >Izzy: There's just one file... > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/vader.htm > >*click* > >T.K.: That is deeply disturbing. Scott- Should I? David- NO! Scott- Too late, I already did! David- Well... (David pulls out a gun and shoots the computer) Scott- GAAAH!! >Ken: I don't know, he has nice fashion sense. That whole Retro seventies >armour suit thing is hip... > >Cody: This IS coming from the guy who wore a disco suit to commit evil, >after all... Scott- Now that's a new low... David- This funfic reeks of homosexuality and people with stupid names. >Ken puts one hand on his hip, and points into the air with the other. Jamie- But he doesn't look as good doing it as JOHN TRAVOLTA! David- If McFeely brings Travolta out, I'm killing him, Travolta, and all of you. >Ken: You can tell by the way I use my walk... I'm a woman's man... Scott- No... I sense another one-liner-expansion!! >Yolei: You certainly are! > >Yolei appears again, grabs Ken, and runs off with him, dragging him along >the ground. > >Ken: NOOOOO!! In the name of God, somebody HELLLLP MEEEE!! Austin- I have a joke. David- It better be good. Austin- Ok, Ken was talking to God. He asked how much a million years was to him. God said a second. Ken asked how much a million dollars was to him. God said a penny. So Ken asked God for a penny. God said "FUCK YOU" and stomped on him. Jamie- ... Scott- ... David- GAY. >Everyone ignores Ken. David- (Ken) I need love! Please! Please? Why won't you speak to me?! WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?! THAT'S IT, NOW YOU ALL DIE!!!!!! >Izzy: Well... that's it. There's nothing more here. > >Censor Joe: What's that? > >Everyone turns to see the three censors plodding over towards them. Jamie- Yes, fear these men who have no control over you! >Tai: Uh... we... that is, I.... or, y'know... Izzy... > >Davis: ....we certainly weren't hacking into classified files and reading >secret information, that's for sure!! > >All: AUUGH! > >Everyone falls over, anime-style. Jamie- I thought that was called a facefault. David- McFeely's too busy jacking off to prepubescent girls to do any research. >Davis: ...what? > >Censor Steve: Hacking? Heck, you didn't need to go and do that. Scott- (Censor Joe) That's right, we keep all of our TOP SECRET FILES on our website, so just click on the "FOX SECRETS INVOLVING BIOLOGICAL WARFARE AND ASSASSINATION OF GRANDPARENTS" icon. >Censor Bob: Yeah, those files are okay to view. You just needed the >password. > >Censor Joe: You could've asked Nimoy. Scott- But that would be illogical. >Censor Joe bends over Austin- And Censor Steve moves in and thrusts forward with a grunt and a moan! >and grabs a floorboard, then pulls it out. He reaches >down, underneath the floor, and >pulls Jeff Nimoy out of the hole. The poor man is filthy, stinking, wearing >rags, and has about a week's >beard growth. Austin- But surprisingly, the censors keep his butthole nice and clean. You know, wash after every use. Jamie- Austin! >Nimoy: Oh... sweet God... the beautiful light... David- (God) What? You enjoy the light? LET THERE NOT BE LIGHT!! TAKE THAT, MANSLUT!! >Censor Joe: *drops Nimoy to the ground* Knock it off, Nimoy. > >Nimoy: ...the light... the day... day time... daytime television... >vision... visions of darkness... the green orbs... >they surround me... > >Censor Bob: What the hell are you babbling about? > >As if to answer Bob's question, out of the hole from which Nimoy came... a >cantaloupe appears, and rolls away. David- Dammit, McFeely, enough with the cantaloupes!! Austin- I think McFeely has a fetish... like he cut a hole in a canta- Jamie- AUSTIN! >Nimoy: *shrieks* > >Censor Steve: I could go for some cantaloupe about now... > >Suddenly...! > >Voice (v/o): I'm afraid THAT, my dear censor, will have to wait! Jamie- EEK! IT'S A HIGH-PITCHED AND VAGUELY MENACING MYSTERY MAN! >Censor Joe: What the diddly...? > >Matt: Who the...? > >Izzy: ...where...? > >Tai: ...how...? Austin- Actually, it's just Ken. He wants a bit of censor action. >There's a swishing noise, and something whooshes past above the group's >heads... something black, white and red. David- A ZEBRA WITH KNIFE GASHES! >It swings on a rope, and swoops lower, releasing the rope and >dramatically somersaulting through the air, to land gracefully on a plinth on the wall, >in front of and above the group of onlookers. Scott- But they didn't like his performance so they throw tomatoes at him. David- Then Davis nails him with a pineapple and he falls into the angry mob and gets the beating of his life. Jamie- Afterward, the Digidestined revel in their victory while McFeely stands at the doorway with his mouth agape. Austin- And Izzy sneaks into the closet with Charlene and a bottle of wine. >Charlene: Slap - a - SCART Austin- (Izzy) Here? Now?! >- cable - in - my - interface - and - call - me - Pineapple - Surprise... > >You alert readers Jamie- HAHAHAHAHAHA David- HAHAHAAHHA Scott- HAHAHAHAHA Austin- HAHAHAHAHAHA Jamie- HAHAHAHAHA David- HAHAHAHA Austin- HAHAHAHAHA Scott- HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAA Austin- I don't get it. >will know who this figure is... but the kids and censors >don't...! > >Figure: I am... the FOX KIDS FANTOM! Scott- You don't say! David- Oh no! It's a fag with a stupid name! What will we do?! >Nimoy screams like a girl and hides behind Censor Steve. Austin- (Censor Steve) Hey, hey, not now. >Censor Joe: Well, f*ck me sideways. Austin- (Censor Steve) Uh... how can I do that? Wait, hold on... ok, I think I can do it... stop moving! Jamie- Austin! >Fantom: Know you all well that it is *I* who have caused the "accidents" >that plague you! And I will >continue! Until my grand plan comes to it's conclusion... when the finale >shall be writ in fire and blood! Jamie- Hey, burn the script and soak the remains in blood, not a bad idea! David- Hey Austin, can you spare us some blood? Austin- Ah, sure, why not? >Tai puts an arm around Sora, while Joe and Mimi hold each other, as do T.K. >and Kari. Davis is still >wondering why everyone fell over about five minutes ago. > >Fantom: Oh, cease your snivelling! I'm not going to destroy you... well, not >YET, anyway...! David- YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! >The Fantom unleashes a peal of evil laughter, as he reaches into his pocket, Scott and Jamie- Ew. Austin- Hey, it's perfectly normal. >and produces the computer disk >we saw at the end of "A Piedmon's Life Is Not A Happy One...!" > >Izzy: Who... who are you? Scott- Hold on... I have here... the McFeely translator! Jamie- What does it do? Scott- If you use it on a quote from a McFeely fic, it translates the quote into whatever the character really means. Jamie- Hey, you already made that! Scott- Yeah, but this one's green. Thus, it is the McFeely translator! David- Wait, what's this thing? Scott- NO! (David presses a button. The McFeely translator reads his mind) Scott- NOOOO!!!! >Fantom: Ah, that is a tale for another time.... Translator- I'm too fucking lazy to tell you right now. Jamie- Ah! It sound like Stephen Hawking, yet it talks like David! David- Ah, now there are two higher beings! >say, perhaps, in the afterlife. Translator- I want to kill you all but I'm too fucking stupid to do anything about it. Give me some chips. >For now... you must make do with this... > >The Fantom casually tosses the disk to Izzy, who catches it. > >Fantom: Farewell, fools! Our paths WILL cross again! Translator- I want to be dramatic but I'm so fucking retarded that I'm going to run off and masturbate before I plan your deaths, you little twits. >The Fantom laughs once more. As he disappears in a puff of purple smoke, the >laughter turns to coughing. > >Fantom: Geez... *hack* ...the guy at the store said it WOULDN'T irritate my >lungs... *wheeze* ...I'm >gonna sue his pants off... Translator- I am gay. >Everyone looks at the disk in Izzy's hands. > >Cody: Wh... what do you suppose is on it? David- That's easy, porn. >Matt: There's one way to find out... > >Izzy: But... but what if it's a virus? It could dump Charlene's core... David- Yeah, I think I need to go dump my core right about now. I'll be back in half an hour. Jamie- Remember to flush twice this time. >Tai: ...your point being? > >Charlene: *BLEEP!!* Translator- I like to say dirty words because I think it makes me sound cool but it doesn't work. >Censor Joe: Oh, for God's sake, don't be such a pussy. Scott- Ah! A McFeely character swore! Jamie- What happened to *BLEEP*ing?! >Censor Joe snatches the disk from Izzy and whacks it into Charlene's disk >slot. > >Charlene: AAAIIIIGGHHH!! Jamie- Oh, I know what that feels like... Scott- Uh... Austin- Hehehehehehe >Izzy: CHARLENE!! Jamie- (Charlene) IIIIIZZZZY!!! Scott- Ok, Jamie, you're going overboard... >Charlene: Grrrlllgxxx.... bbrrzzzzgghttt.... my - mind - is - going - >Izzy - - my - mind - is - going... Jamie- Oh yeah, I- Scott- Dammit, Jamie, will you shut up?! Jamie- What did I say?! Austin- HA! Now you know what it's like to be me! David- (from the bathroom) Shut up, Austin! >Kari: Again? > >Charlene: My - name - is - Charlene - - I - know - a - little - son- -I know >a lit- - I - know - a - little - >s-s-s-s-sssssssssssssss - - > >Izzy: Charlene? CHARLENE?!?! > >Charlene: ... > >All: ... > >Izzy: ... > >Charlene: PSYCHE!! Had - you - going! Austin- (Izzy) Eh, I could've bought another laptop. One that talks less and fucks more. >Izzy: Don't EVER do that to me AGAIN!! > >Charlene: Try - and - stop - me. > >Muttering, Izzy accesses the disk, and opens the solitary file on it. > >*click* > >www.angelfire.com/anime2/digipedia/fantom.htm > >*click* > >Everyone is quiet as Izzy finishes reading out the information. Tai breaks >the silence. > >Tai: What could he want? Translator- I know that he wants my hot bare ass and I wish I could give it to him but you are all homophobes and I fear you. I'm such a pussy. >Censor Bob: More to the point, who is he? If we knew that, we might be able >to figure out what he's after. Austin- He wants some hot censor ass, that's what! >Izzy: It's not an easy task... > >Izzy looks around the room... Tai, Sora, Matt, Joe, Mimi, Kari, T.K., Davis, >Cody, Censor Joe, Censor Bob, >Censor Steve and Jeff Nimoy all look back. (this list supplied for your >theorising convenience by ChrisCo. >2001 [patent pending, all rights reserved, have a nice day]). Scott- Ah, but if it's awaiting patent, that means soon nobody can use it! Jamie- Nice work, McFeely. >Izzy: It could be anyone of us who isn't here... or maybe someone we don't >even KNOW... Scott- I noticed Ken, Willis and Yolei are missing. David- (Coming back) Fanboy! Scott- I thought you were in the bathroom. David- It was just gas. Jamie- No wonder I'm having trouble breathing. >Kari: Well, I know SOMEONE who does... > >Kari raps "Shave and a Haircut" on the fourth wall Austin- And Roger Rabbit bursts out!! GO ROGER!! Jamie- This entire story is one big hole in the fourth wall, so that was pointless. >, and the "Two Bits" is >rapped right back by me, Chris, >the author-guy. > >Chris: I ain't tellin', you know. Translator- I want to be dramatic about my retarded character so I want to leave it for later. >Kari: Rats. > >Censor Bob: It might not even be someone from the Digimon department... > >Censor Steve: ...Everyone in this building is a suspect... we might never >figure it out... Scott- Is it too hard to just lock the doors and keep everyone inside?! > >Tai: We have to try! > >T.K.: Yeah! 'Cause if we don't, the next few fics aren't gonna be much to >read... Translator- This is really McFeely speaking, using a stupid character to relate my stupid ideas to a stupid public. I want you all to read my funfics because I have no friends and I love you all. I like soap... Jamie- That thing's busted... Translator- ...but I never take anything bigger than my own... Scott- No, it's working perfectly. >- - - > >TO BE CONTINUED! > >- - - Jamie- Unless someone decides to assassinate McFeely. (a gun clicks) Jamie- ... Scott- ... David- Why does everyone immediately look at me?! Austin- I'm not. David- But you are now! >For the next part of "The Saga of the FOX Kids Fantom," be on the look-out >for: > >"THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS!" > >- coming soon! > >- - - McFeely- Aye, it is over, sadly. Dima- Tell us your opinions! David- Five stars on the gay scale. Dima- Ok. (Dima latches onto Susan's ass) Susan- Dima friend. Dima nice. Austin- Hey, you have a- Susan- No I don't. Austin- No really, you have- Susan- No. Austin- You- Susan- No. Austin- Y- Susan- No. Austin- But- Phantom- YOU DIE NOW!! (Phantom grabs Austin and jumps into a volcano) Dima- HEY HEY!! THAT'S MY MOVE!! (Phantom and Austin both plunge into the lava) David- Well then... McFeely- I'm keeping you all inside this little room until I write my next funfic! Jamie- What?! WHY?! McFeely- Because I'm a sadist, you fools! Translator- I love anal sex. Scott- Can we keep the translator. McFeely- Yeah, and take a TV, too. I want to keep you all sane enough to know the difference between torture and... not torture. Now, into the room!! The end Jose L. Solano ------------------------------- 100% of all people who read my posts die ------------------------------- Beware the Dark Hamster of the Sith