Life Resumes (Anniversary Night) Vance: Oh god... we're out of barf bags. Stratski: I'll go get some! Helmholz: Oh no you don't, you get to stay right here and finish this with us. A year has passed since I discovered that I was a descended of the Silverlite race. Stratski: A descended? Yeah... she's descended a few I.Q. points since this whole thing began. I became appointed Helmholz: You can't become appointed, you ninny. Vance: I know, she became appointed to service the whole army! Stratski: She's already done that. under the Goddesses to protect the Legendary Triforce along with the "Hero of Time". And became one of the most powerful in all of Hyrule. Helmholz: One of the most powerful what? Vance: Stinky fanfic writers. Though life resumed between Link and I. Helmholz: Sentence dangling... Our son was now a year and half old. He was now walking and has learned to speak certain words. Vance: And don't forget that he can do simple math, too. Epona gave birth to her colt just two weeks after the Water Temple incident and is now pregnant again. The beautiful colt she gave birth to is female Helmholz: Uh... colts are male. Vance: Shh, don't tell her that, she'll get ideas. with a brown body, white mane and tail with a black mussel Stratski: What's shellfish got to do with it? and black patches around her hooves. The youngling is now a year old. Link has prospered in the military. He is now fleet general of the king's entire army. Helmholz: So, he's the general of a ship for a ground army? Vance: She knows nothing about sex, childbirth or child development and you're surprised she knows nothing about the military either? Helmholz: You have a point. Link was promoted after he stopped an assassination attempt on the King's life six months ago. Vance: That was a suicide attempt, damn you for foiling it, Link! Stratski: Hell, if I woke up one day and realize I adopted *that*, I'd want to die, too. Lilly and Navi have been keeping us protected. Over the last year they had helped keep our livestock safe from the wolfos that sill roamed the Lost Woods. Our farm was prospering, the crops were producing fine vegetables that year. And our fruit trees were producing unusual size fruit. Helmholz: You don't say. Unlike the unusual size fruit writing this entire peice of crap? And I'm now four months pregnant. Vance: Ho! Stratski: Slut! Helmholz: Trrrrrrrrollop! Our life together was nothing like ever before. Vance: You mean Link finally woke up and realized he was married to a ditzy Mary Sue? The love Link and I share bonded even deeper over the last year. Vance: You drank more of his urine, didn't you. Stratski: Ew, did you -have- to remind us of that? We had been married for almost two years now. Helmholz: I'm... not going to even attempt doing the math. Vance: Math is hard. Our second anniversary was in just a few days. I had been planning for days to have a very special anniversary this year. Stratski: As opposed to last year, which sucked so she didn't write about it. Helmholz: Thank god, her sex scenes make me twitch. So I had gone to Cantara City to get Link a very special gift. I had saved my rupees for the entire year and I managed to get him a gold hilted dagger encrusted with jewels and a gold dragon pendant. I was going to make this year one to remember. Helmholz: Far be it for you to just be content with being with him. Now you have to get all materialistic. Stratski: Hallmark, when you care to spend the very most. Vance: She's obviously still whoring around. How else would she earn them rupees, eh? Then the day had arrived. The day of our anniversary. Vance: Noooo, I would -never- have guessed that it's the day of your anniversary. Stratski: It's the day of her anniversary? Vance: Oh yes, it is most certainly the day of her anniversary. I nearly had spent the entire day preparing for the most romantic evening ever. I had Zelda take Link jr., Aria and our fairies to stay with her and Impa at the castle for the night so Link and I could be alone. Vance: Since when did Zelda become a glorfied babysitter? Helmholz: Since when did she become a midwife? Vance: Point. While I prepared dinner, I got into a sexy red dress and got all the "extras" we would need to have a memorial night. Helmholz: There she goes again with the quotes. Vance: *snicker* Gee, what kind of "extras" did she get? Stratski: A memorial night? Is someone gonna die? Helmholz: It's a memorial for Link's true character, which was butchered two years ago. Then I lit all the candles around the room and put out the oil lamps to create a romantic setting. Vance: Fire hazard! Someone alert the authorities! After I finished preparing dinner, I lit the candles on the table, put the food out and waited for Link. About ten minuets later, Stratski: Here we go again, more dancing about for no apparent reason. Helmholz: You would think she'd be dizzy after dancing ten minuets while waiting for Link. I heard a horse coming up to the stable. I removed my apron and rushed to the door to great my "hero" home. As Link entered the door his eyes widened. "Oh my Goddesses...you look sexy tonight my love." Vance: Of course she does. Just don't go upstairs, she's got your regiment up there hiding in the closet. Stratski: Extra rupees! He whispered into my ear as he pulled me into his arms kissing me forcefully. Helmholz: Syntax error. Missing comma makes sentence funny. Then we drew apart and I looked into his sexy jeweled eyes. Helmholz: I never really thought of jewels as 'sexy'. Vance: Only if they're Link's eyes. Stratski: Sexy, jeweled, rippling, eternal eyes. "I love you my sweet love, Stratski: ... how smooth. *dryly* You hound dog, you. how I missed you today." "And I as well." Vance: Is he talking to himself? Helmholz: No, she's talking for him. Remember, in this lucid dream, he's her puppet. Link said as he handed me a bouquet of roses, then he pulled me inside closing the door. When he scanned the room, he was in shock. Vance: My god! The curtains are on fire! Stratski: What stinks? Is that dinner? Smells like a sewage plant! "Wow my love...this all looks great." Vance: Wuss. Link said as his eyes sparkled under the candlelight. Helmholz: Under the candlelight? How short *is* he? " "Happy anniversary my love." I said as I handed him the gift. "Thank you sweet heart." He returned as he put his gift down on the table. Then he went into the pouch he had at his belt and pulled out a gold box. "Happy anniversary too my goddess." Link said softly as he handed the golden wrapped box to me. I took it and opened it to reveal Vance: Divorce papers! He's onto you whoring yourself around you ho! Stratski: Slut! Helmholz: Troooooooollop! a gold necklace with a gold Triforce pendant encrusted with diamonds and matching earrings. Vance: I wonder what she would have done if he hadn't given her anything. Helmholz: *mutter* Materialistic wench. "Oh my Goddesses……I just love it! " I cried as tears welled up in my eyes. Then Link took the necklace and put it on around my neck. "It looks beautiful on you. "Link said as he started kissing my slender neck. As he bit down gently on my neck, I turned my head to face him as I stroked the back of his neck. Helmholz: Lotta necking going on here. Vance: Cat alien vampire things from hell! Stratski: And suddenly his fangs sink into her neck and she learns too late that he was turned into a vampire earlier in the day. Helmholz: That leads to a whole new world of kink that I'd rather not think about. "Mmmm….Link, you should go open your gift. Vance: It's a severed head. Stratski: A new sheep! Helmholz: I told you, no more sheep jokes! "I whispered softly into his pointed ear. Vance: Why does she bother to detail his pointed ear that way? Strastki: Because we must be reminded that he has sexy pointed ears. Link moved his head down and started kissing my shoulder. "Your right my love, I'm going to open it now." He walked back over to the table and took the box into his hand, then pulled the ribbon off and opened it. "Holy crap…. Vance: She stabbed herself on the pointed ear! Stratski: What the hell is this? I gave you this for Christmas you cheap ho! Helmholz: Slut! Vance: Troooooollop! oh my goddesses I love you!" He said as he held the gold dagger encrusted with jewels in his hands. Taking the dagger he swished it into the air a few time Vance: A few time? Stratski: There go the curtains. before putting it into the sheath I provided for him. All: .... Vance: Damn, the visuals in this story are just killer. Stratski: There was no warning about *this* amount of kink in that long ass disclaimer of hers. (To be continued...)