The Beginning 

I will never forget the day, the day I met Link. 

Touga: I was sitting in my bedroom, and decided that instead of masterbating to old recordings of Prince's Purple Rain album that I'd just play a videogame.

It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Schala: What's that? A... footnote? She's putting in -foot notes-?!
Touga: Because we lowly readers couldn't possibly understand what a Spring Festival is. 

I have been a traveling merchant since I was fourteen. 

Saionji: My, she got her hooker career started rather early.
Schala: She said merchant, not hooker.
Saionji: Prostitution is a market.
Schala: I... stand corrected.

This is my sixth year returning to Hyrule. The last two years I was not able to return when Princess Zelda sent word of an evil presence in Hyrule. Then all contact was lost. 

Schala: There was probably a reason for that. 
Touga: If they don't return your phone calls, maybe they moved.

For almost two years I tried to contact Princess Zelda. Desperately I kept trying to find out if she was ok. 

Saionji: Desperate, isn't she.
Schala: She's in love with a videogame character, what do you think?

I was never too long without contact with my good friend. Then I was considering going to investigate, when one-day word came in that peace had been restored to Hyrule do to the legendary "Hero of Time." 

Touga: *makes quote marks with fingers* Knock off the "Quote Marks"

After some catching up time with my old friend I came to find out what really happened. Seems that a Gerudo named Gannondorf, an evil man from Gerduo Valley, desired the legendary Triforce. Though the Triforce was only told in fairy tales to the children where I come from, I was amazed to find out it really existed. She told me how she played with things she knew nothing about. And about how Gannondorf tricked the soon to be "Hero of Time"

Saionji: She did it again.
Touga: Hey lady... *makes quote marks with his fingers* "Eat Me."

into unlocking the door to the Sacred Realm. I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I. Last I saw her she was four years younger then me. It was told to me that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and into the Scared Realm, time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only two years passed in my land. And in the rest of the world. 
After the "Hero of Time"

Touga and Saionji: *making quote marks with fingers* Oh, the "Hero of Time" again.
Schala: Ok, both of you knock it off.

defeated the King of Evil, 

Touga: Hey, she didn't quote mark the King of Evil.
Schala: She also isn't planning on screwing him.

the hero was granted to either return to the past or to remain in the present time. Since he chose to remain in the present Zelda jumped ahead of me in age by four years. It seems that everyone in Hyrule jumped in age from the rest of the world. But now that peace was restored life resumed in Hyrule.... As I made my way down the desert trail that led to Hyrule I begun to think about whom the "Legendary Hero of Time" was. 

Touga: Lustful thoughts already and she hadn't even met him yet.
Saionji: Ho.
Schala: Slut.
Touga: Trooooolllop.

I was very interested in meeting this man. Princess Zelda never told me his name, but I was going to make it a point this time to finally meet Hyrule's Hero. As I turned off the dirt trail and onto Hyrule field, Hyrule castle appeared in the distance. Dust and dirt kicked up behind the wheels of my wagon as it creaked along. Then as I came closer to the gates of Hyrule castle, a familiar face appeared to greet me. 

Touga: Avon calling!

I pulled back on the reins to make the horses come to a complete stop at the front gate, and I realized that the person greeting me was my good friend Princess Zelda. 
I have been a good friend of the Royal Family ever since my first arrival in Hyrule six years ago for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival. 

Schala: She forgot the footnote.
Saionji: Didn't she already mention the *uses fingers for quote marks* "Spring Festival"?

Ever since the first day I met the Princess I have been one of her closest friends. I was even considered part of the Royal Family. After I climbed down from my perch on the wagon, I ran over to Zelda and hugged her. "Hello Princess Zelda my good friend, yes it is good to see you. How have you been?" Looking at her I could tell she was happy to see me. 

Touga: Or she was waiting for you to turn your back so she could end this miserable fic with one good stab.

"Oh it is so good to see you again my friend! Come, come, father is waiting to see you!" 

Schala: Yes, he has need of your *uses fingers for quote marks* "Services".
Touga: That was a good one... there's hope for you yet.
Schala: Don't get any bright ideas, loverboy.

Leaving my wagon to be tended to by the stable hands I followed Zelda through the market place and to the gates that lead to the castle. As we approached the castle gates I saw some of the same guards I have seen in the past few years. 

Schala: My god does she get around.
Saionji: Just like Touga.
Touga: Hey! I resemble that remark.

Saluting to Princess Zelda and me was a guard named Perrino. I met him a few years back, during one of my first visits to Hyrule. 

Saionji: Ah, one of her first customers.

He was one of the guards that befriended me the first time I arrived.

Schala: Befriended... riiiight.

He smiled a friendly smile as we passed by. 

All: ...
Schala: Well, that was certainly a friendly description of a friendly smile.

"Its nice to see you again Mistress Jenna." He said as he waved. 
As I smiled back I thought to myself how good it was to be back again. We went through the front gate and made our way towards the palace garden. Upon approaching the gates leading to the garden another familiar face appeared to greet me. As we walked closer I realized that the face was of Zelda's caretaker Impa of the Sheikahs. As I walked over to Impa she turned to fully face me and a small smile crossed her face. 

Touga: Yes, distract her! Go ahead Zelda, plunge the knife in!

"Its good to see you again my friend. How has life been treating you?" Impa asked and put a hand on my shoulder. 
"Oh fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had to chase some thief's off on the first night that I was on my way here. Though after some facing time off I was able to chase them away with my bow." 

Saionji: Man, them thief's, always in the way.
Schala: What of the thief's did she chase off anyway?

Then I made a big grin as I remembered the looks on the thief's faces when I rained arrows on them. 
"Well it seems that with the abilities you posses you should have no problem keeping your possessions safe." 
With another smile Impa gestured for us to go into the garden. 
That is where I met him. The man that took my heart. As we walked into the garden I saw a young man in green with his back facing us polishing a rather odd sword. As I watched him I had begun to notice something about the sword. It had a rather odd shape on the hilt. 

Touga: The sexual innuendo is killer.
Saionji: Yes, it is, now shoot me, please.

The hilt was blue with the top of the hilt looking like a fishes tail. The sword looked rather strangely familiar. I leaned over to Princess Zelda and asked her who the young man was. 
"That is the Legendary "Hero of Time," his name is Link." Zelda replied. 
My eyes grew as big as saucers as I turned to look back at him. "You mean he is the "Hero of Time" you told me about? The one who saved Hyrule? Then that must be the Legendary Master Sword he is holding?" 
Zelda nodded yes. Just then Link turned to look at us. And with one look at his face my heart sank into my chest. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes upon. At that very moment I fell in love. 

Schala: News flash... your heart is already in your chest.
Saionji: Not hers, evidently.
Touga: Perhaps she meant her brain?

His eyes were like looking down into deep blue pools of water. His lips firm. His ears long and sexy. Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle. And his body was so tight and muscular that it took my breath away. 

Schala: This isn't love, it's lust. 
Touga: Mmm. Tight.
Saionji: Get your mind back on the fic, Touga.

When our eyes met, I blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and took my hand in his, gently kissed it and asked, "Who might this beautiful young lady be?" I turned my head back to face him, and as our eyes met again I blushed. "My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast." 

Saionji: O_O The great Lesbian Coast? Whoa... when's the next boat going out that way?
Touga: Lebian, not Lesbian, you idiot.

"My village is there." "I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long time." "And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival." 

Schala: She has a love for the quote.

He looked into my eyes and smiled. Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. 

Schala: Still in her chest, I see.

He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and spoke. "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." "You are as beautiful as a winter rose." 

Schala: Of course, winter roses are dead.

He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes. "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again. 
"What are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile. " Stunned, not believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his eyes again. "Nothing really." "I was just going to retire to my wagon and cook supper before settling in front of a fire to read a book." 

Schala: After servicing the King and all his retinue.

With a glint in his eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in Kokiri Village for the annual Spring Night celebration?"(2) 

Schala: Footnote 2. 
Saionji: Which we won't see till the end anyway.
Touga: Well, farbeit for us to guess what a Spring Night celebration is.

"It is a celebration feast that happens the night before the Spring Festival."

Schala: ... Ok, so why the footnote? 

Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would love to go." I said with a soft smile. "I will pick you up this evening." Link said with a grin. Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden. "Jenna my dear friend, how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face appeared before me. With a smile I curtseyed before the King. "King Zelda, my old friend how have I missed you!" " I have been just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said with excitement in my voice. As always the King thought of me as a daughter and always looked forward to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule 

All: for the annual Spring Festival.

for the annual Spring Festival. 

Schala: Predictable, really.

He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up thought my travels since the last time I was there. 

Touga: And what new techniques she learned.

And most of the time he would buy something from me. But he always liked it when I would show up since I would bring lots of fun and happiness. As I looked at the King I realized I was some what at home. 
As he started to approach me I ran up to the King and gave him a hug. How I missed him. Ever since my parents died when I was very young, I never let anyone get very close to me. But the King was different. He opened up to me, took me into his family and became like a father to me. He gave me a home to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at home. 

Schala: Ok, he gave you a home, get on with it.
Touga: And she gave him a blow job in return.
Schala: *sigh*

"Jenna my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this past year?" I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I picked up in the city of Skyile." "The great city of light." I smiled, as the King's eyes grew big. "Jenna my daughter, you must show me what you've acquired." Then he took my hand and began to lead me out of the garden. With one last look back at Link, I smiled at him. "See you tonight." I said before I left. After spending some time with the King, he brought some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night. 

Touga: Yes, sexy lingerie always does butter up the royal types.

I returned to the inside of my wagon and prepared a hot bath. I went to the mirror and brushed my hair while I waited for the water to heat up. After about five minuets 

Saionji: Minuets? She's dancing while waiting for the water to get warm? Bizarre.
Touga: Perhaps the water heater is dance powered.

the water was ready. As I slipped down into the warm water, it felt good against my sore muscles. I begun to relax and slowly let my thoughts drift. Link was the only thing on my mind. "He is sooo handsome." I thought to myself. "That is the heroic man who became the "Legendary Hero of Time" and saved Hyrule from a life of darkness." Though something tugged at the back of my mind. I remembered that I had wanted to marry one day. And Link would be a good choice since he was my age, strong, smart, and handsome and would help make strong beautiful children. Yes indeed Link would make a good husband. 

Schala: Man trapping 101.

Then I took the soap and washed up. After I washed I got out of the tub and dried off. I went to the wardrobe closet to pick out a dress for this evening's occasion. After some rummaging, I picked a low v cut white dress with lace that held the v together. 

Touga: The V? I do hope she means--
Schala: Don't say it.

Gold embroidered Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the dress. And the sleeves started from mid arm and ran all the way down my arm to my wrist. 

Schala: Huh, she fit her entire torso in a sleeve. How thin is she?
Saionji: She's a Mary Sue, she's as thin as she needs to be.

Next I picked a gold choker with the Triforce symbol for around my neck. And a gold Triforce ring for my finger. Then I had to do my hair. I braided my hair into a halo braid and ran a beautiful silver lace through it. After that I went to the full-length mirror to look at myself. As I looked myself over, a knock came at the door. 
"Come!" I yelled. 

Touga: He hasn't even taken her out to a dinner and a movie yet.
Schala: Slut, I told you.
Saionji: Dominatrix style, even.

Appearing in the doorway was the man I had set my eyes on. His eyes grew big, as he looked me over. "You look beautiful tonight." Link said as he took my hand and kissed it. Then he led me out the door. There were two horses in front saddled for riding. One was a rust colored mare with a white main and tail with a black mussel.

Saionji: Ah! There's shellfish on the horse!

The other was one of my brown mares with a black main and tail. The one he had gotten was the one with the white star on her forehead. The one whom I named "Star Dancer." He led me to my mare and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted the other horse. 

Touga: Damn, that's the worst insult. He'd rather mount the horse than her.
Schala: *claps hands over her ears*
Saionji: Schala, you're going to pass out for the sex scene, you realize this don't you?

Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight. 

Shala: Look out, Captain, he's powering up!
Touga: Afterglow does that.
Saionji: Your eyes never glow in the moonlight.
Touga: You're not a Mary Sue.

"Follow me, I will lead the way." Then he booted the horse in the legs 

Saionji: Poor horse. What'd it ever do to him?

and took off at a slow gallop. I then followed. We rode to the south side of Hyrule field and came upon a long dark tunnel. "This way!" Link called. "Through here!" I watched as Link disappeared into the tunnel. Then I followed. At the other end we crossed a bridge and then into what seemed to be a village. 
Little people wearing green clothes that looked like kids started to surround us when we stopped. 

Saionji: MUNCHKINS!
Touga: Or underpants gnomes. Best keep their hands on their underwear.
Schala: We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

"This is the Kokiri Village." "The place where I was raised." Link said as he dismounted. After I dismounted one of the kid like Kokiri took our horses to tend to them. 

Touga: They needed tending too after being mounted like that.

As I walked around the village the child like people began watching me. They all seemed very curious to who I was. As I looked around at them I noticed that they had something floating around them. As I took a closer look I noticed that they looked like fairies from the fairy tales told to us in our village as kids. "Were these really fairies from the stories I heard as a child?" I thought to myself. 

Touga: No, that's just the crack. Put the pipe down, please.
Saionji: Is that what this is? A lucid opium dream?
Schala: If so, I'm joining D.A.R.E.

Just then one of the Kokiri, a young girl approached me. "My name is Saria, what's yours?" The young girl asked. "My name is Jenna, it's a pleasure to meet you." I replied. "Are you the one that came with my friend Link for our Spring Night Festival?" Saria's eyes seemed to glow at that moment. "Yes he invited me." I said as a smile crossed the Kokiri girl's face. 
I could tell that she knew I had my eyes set on Link, 

Saionji: Mmm hmm, it's not hard to spot a ho.

though she remained silent about it. There were male Kokiri as well. One in particular was one named Mido. He was the leader of the Kokiri and a dear friend of Saria and Link. He had a sense of humor but he yet remained stern and headstrong for he was their leader and was responsible for their lives. It was time for the feast, Saria gestured for me to join them at the feast table. She led me to the seat next to Link. As I sat down next to him she smiled and winked at me.
"Did she plan this?" I asked myself, and then smiled. After a moment I looked over all of the food. There was a great abundance of food to eat. There was cooked pork in a rich chestnut cream sauce, beef stew, cooked turkey, all different kinds of cheeses, bread and butter, cooked vegetables and even many different kinds of fruit. My mouth began to water as I combed over the food.

Schala: Tsk, what horrific table manners. Watering and combing the food before anyone can even touch it.

After I served myself, I began to eat. As I was eating I could not help but notice that Link was watching me out of the corner of his eye. 

Saionji: Wondering how the hell to get out of a lame Mary Sue fic, I'm sure.

(To be continued...)