MSTer's Note: Back again with the fourth part of the MADNESS known as "My Get Four DVDs for $.49 each. Join now.Tell me when this page is updated MSTer's Note: Back again with the fourth part of the MADNESS known as "My Inner Life"!! ^_^ Once again, I am undertaking the big challenge... wish me luck! And thanks to all my fans... *giggle* this wouldn't be as fun without you guys!! Disclaimer: Link, Zelda, and all associated characters/places belong to Nintendo. Don't sue! Genocide, Cat, Dee, Etienne, Jesse, and the Cheesies belong to me... yay! ^_^ And lastly but not leastly--Jenna and this story belong to Link's Queen. She's welcome to them! ^_^;; And, this isn't written to offend. 'Tis but a cynical form of C&C... ;) (cough) (Genocide groans and sits up) GENODICE: Ugh... what the hell...?? *rubs his head* ETIENNE: *sitting up beside him* Where ARE we? (A few feet off, Cat and Dee rise. Jesse sits up beside Etienne, brushing dust off himself) CAT: *looks around* I dunno... it looks sorta deserted. (The room they are in is almost pitch black, and it seems to have a lot of dust) DEE: *carefully* Um... guys...? (Everyone turns in the direction of Dee's voice) DEE: I... think something's reeeeally wrong. GENOCIDE: *sarcastic* Naw, really? DEE: *annoyed* Shut up and listen a minute... I think we're... tiny... (Cat blinks in confusion) CAT: Huh?? DEE: ...Well, if I'm right, then it's a giant dustbunny I'm sitting on. ETIENNE: You mean we... shrunk?? (long pause) DEE: Well, it's a possibility. GENOCIDE: *throws his arms up* Oh, suuuuure, Dee. And you accuse ME of having crazy ideas sometimes! There's no way we could have-- (Suddenly, a familiar voice interrupts...) H.C. CHEESIE: Oh, I'm afraid the girl is quite right, Evil One! LT. CHEESIE: Yeah... you're like, small and stuff, man... GENOCIDE: ...I stand corrected. H.C. CHEESIE: I just want to inform you that you are all now my prisoners!! Mwahahahahaaaa!!! LT. CHEESIE: Now we're like, gonna get out revenge... ya know? JESSE: -_-; How do I get sucked into these things?? H.C. CHEESIE: Silence!! We will now FORCE you to read the rest of this horrid... story--My Inner Life! Nyahahahahaaa!! LT. CHEESIE: Yeah! What he said!! GENOCIDE: But... guys, we were, uh, doing that anyw--OW! DEE: *elbowing Genocide sharply* (whispers) Shut up! You want them to think up some WORSE punishment?? GENOCIDE: ....-_-; Right. My inner life it is, then... H.C. CHEESIE: Yeeees, excellent. My Lieutenant and I have rigged up a projector so you can see the fic... ENJOY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (A faint light shines in a square on the "wall" across from the prisoners, and the fic begins to project...) Jesse: Great, here we go again... Etienne: *takes a deep breath* I'm sure we'll be fine. After all, it's not that long, right? Genocide: *nervous laugh* Ehh heh... well... see, it's like this... there's over a hundred pages of-- Everyone else: WHAT!? Genocide: -_-;; I turned my head back to face him, Cat: In a complete 360!! and as our eyes met again I blushed. Dee: (Jenna) Oh no! A BOY is looking at me! What do I do? Jesse: (Jenna) I know! I'll tell him we were meant for each other and then drag him to a bonding ceremony!! Genocide: (Jenna) And then we can have hot tiger-sex!! (collective shudder) "My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast. All: .....*burst out laughing* Genocide: *snicker* Lebian indeed.... suuuuuuure. Dee: *smirk* I'd like to buy an "S"... Etienne: O_o;;; (Link) You came from WHERE?? ...Man, I gotta check that place out! *grin* My village is there. I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long time. And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival." He looked into my eyes and smiled. Cat: (Link; thinking) Boy, this chick sure is dweeby. Dee: (Link; thinking) I sure could go for some cheese right now... Etienne: (same) Ohhh, I finally get that joke Zelda told me yesterday!! Ha ha... Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and spoke. Genocide: (Link) Do you ever wash your hands? "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." Dee: Whoa, is it gonna be one of THOSE fics?? "You are as beautiful as a winter rose." Jesse: What? Who's talking now? He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes. Etienne: Ooohh, Link has maaaagical eyes! "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again. "What are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile. Genocide: And the elf moves in for the kill right away... Cat: Must be a new record... O.o Stunned, not believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his eyes again. Etienne: (Jenna, squinting) Link, are those... contacts? "Nothing really." "I was just going to retire Dee: Please do. to my wagon and cook supper before settling in front of a fire to Jesse: (Jenna) Burn things. read a book." With a glint in his eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in Genocide: (Link) A ritual sacrifice to my dark lord? Kokiri Village for the annual Spring Night celebration?"(2) All: We're number two! We're number two! Gooooo TWO!!! *cheer* "It is a celebration feast that happens the night before the Spring Festival." Etienne: In case you couldn't tell from the name. Cat: Well, this IS Jenna we're talking about... Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would love to go." I said with a soft smile. Dee: Was it Downy Soft? "I will pick you up this evening." Link said with a grin. Genocide: (Link; darkly) And devour your soul. Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden. "Jenna my dear friend, Genocide: (deep voice) Your soul is mine. Etienne: Stop DOING that! O_O how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face appeared before me. Jesse: It's a disembodied face!? With a smile I curtseyed before the King. Dee: When did he get there!? And what happened to the face?? Jesse: How does one "curtseyed"? "King Zelda, Etienne: Isn't Zelda a princess?? Genocide: *sobs* What is LQ doing to the game!? my old friend how have I missed you!" Dee: (King) I don't know, how HAVE you missed me? "I have been just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said with excitement in my voice. Cat: This dialogue is SO confusing! O_o As always the King thought of me as a daughter and always looked forward to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule for the annual Spring Festival. Genocide: Hmm, Mary Sue Syndrome seems to be running rampant! He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up Dee: Was it drugs, or illegal weapons? Cat: *sweatdrop* thought my travels since the last time I was there. Jesse: Gotta love those sentient travels. And most of the time he would buy something from me. But he always liked it when I would show up since I would bring lots of fun Genocide: Wink wink, nudge nudge? Cat: Bleh, say no more! and happiness. As I looked at the King I realized I was some what Etienne: Yeah, we've been trying to figure out what you are, too. at home. As he started to approach me I ran Jesse: Far far away... the end. up to the King and gave him a hug. Genocide: (King) Get it off, get it off, get it OFF!! Dee: (King) Gah! Get away, I don't want your diseases! How I missed him. All: Let me count the ways... Ever since my parents died when I was very young, I never let anyone get very close to me. Etienne: And everyone was glad. But the King was different. Genocide: ...This could be going in a new and disturbing direction, here. He opened up to me, Cat: (Jenna) ...Showing me his innards and stuff. It was, like, really gross! took me into his family and became like a father to me. He gave me a home to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at home. Jesse: And we felt a sense of redundancy. What's your point? "Jenna my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this past year?" Etienne: Did he mention that he wanted to see what she acquired? Cat: Repeatedly, but let's mention it one more time! I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I picked up in the city of Skyile." "The great city of light." I smiled, as the King's eyes grew big. Dee: So big that they POPPED! Ahh ha ha ha haaa! Everyone else: O_o;; *edge away* "Jenna my daughter, you must show me what you've acquired." Cat & Etienne: GAAHHH!!! Then he took my hand and began to lead me out of the garden. Jesse: --Of Eden, baby? With one last look back at Link, I smiled at him. "See you tonight." All: Wink wink, nudge nudge! I said before I left. After spending some time with the King, he brought some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night. Genocide: He... huh?? Why would he bring her the cloth she already had?? Cat: ...Don't question it, man. Save your mind. I returned to the inside of my wagon and prepared a hot bath. Jesse: *mutters* Hot enough to boil, I hope. I went to the mirror and brushed my hair while I waited for the water to heat up. After about five minuets the water was ready. Dee: *giggles* So she danced five minuets to time the water? As I slipped down into the warm water, it felt good against my sore muscles. I begun to relax and slowly let my thoughts drift. Etienne: Sadly, the thoughts never came back. Genocide: Who are you trying to kid? They were never there in the first place! Link was the only thing on my mind. "He is sooo handsome." Cat: (makes a show of batting his eyelashes) Oh, yes, he's just SUCH a hottie~! *gush gush* Jesse: ....... Dee: *snickers* I thought to myself. "That is the heroic man who became the "Legendary Hero of Time" Etienne: And he's a hero, too! and saved Hyrule from a life of darkness." Genocide: Link--bringer of the light bulb. Though something tugged at the back of my mind. Dee: I sure hope it was sanity! I remembered that I had wanted to marry one day. All: ....... (long pause) Jesse: Okay, where the hell did THAT come from? Etienne: -_- It can only get worse from here... And Link would be a good choice since he was my age, strong, smart, and handsome and would help make strong beautiful children. Cat: Well, she'll certainly need all those qualities for good kids... Dee: God knows, without them her kids would be just like HER. Genocide: *grins* Burn... Yes indeed Link would make a good husband. Then I took the soap and washed up. After I washed I got out of the tub and dried off. All: (a la "Dude, Where's My Car?") And theeeeeeen? I went to the wardrobe closet to pick out a dress for this evening's occasion. Jesse: ...Well, I guess that answers that question. Etienne: No one will be seated during the thrilling dressing scene!! After some rummaging, I picked a low v cut white dress with lace that held the v together. Gold embroidered Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the dress. And the sleeves started from mid arm and ran all the way down my arm to my wrist. Next I picked a gold choker with the Triforce symbol for around my neck. And a gold Triforce ring for my finger. Cat: THRILL at the clothing descriptions!!! Then I had to do my hair. I braided my hair into a halo braid and ran a beautiful silver lace through it. Genocide: *groans* What is it with Mary Sues and the clothing and hair descriptions? WE DON'T CARE!! Dee: Calm down, sweetheart... don't wanna burst an artery. After that I went to the full-length mirror to look at myself. Jesse: The mirror promptly cracked. As I looked myself over, a knock came at the door. Etienne: (deep voice) Open up, ma'am. It's the badfic police! "Come!" I yelled. Genocide: *grins* Woo... is that an order? Cat: -_-;; And it begins. Appearing in the doorway Dee: Without actually OPENING the door. was the man I had set my eyes on. Etienne: Well, DUH. It's not as if she could see someone who was NOT at the door. His eyes grew big, Genocide: And popped! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! (everyone edges away) as he looked me over. "You look beautiful Dee: (Link) Hideous! tonight." Link said as he took my hand and kissed it. Cat: And contracted leprosy and died, THE END!!! Etienne: If only! Then he led me out the door. There were two horses in front saddled for riding. One was a rust colored mare with a white main Jesse: Main what? and tail with a black mussel. All: O_O;;; Etienne: Mussel?? ...Seafood, anyone? ^_^;; The other was one of my brown mares with a black main and tail. The one he had gotten was the one with the white star on her forehead. The one whom I named "StarDancer." Genocide: Any reason they need so many horses? He led me to my mare and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted the other horse. Dee: ...Hm. Beastiality, eh? I once read a fic with Link and Epona... Etienne: Ahhhhhh!!!! X_x Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight. Genocide: (Link; deep voice) Your soul is mine, Mary Sue! *swings Master Sword* Jesse: (deep voice) Fatality. Etienne: And the readers rejoice as the evil Mary Sue is vanquished! "Follow me, I will lead the way." Then he booted Cat: Jenna off of her horse and laughed! the horse in the legs and took off at a slow gallop. Dee: Two things. Number one: That's cruel!! ...And number two: If he booted the horse in the legs, it would NOT take off at a "slow gallop". I then followed. We rode to the south side All: *hum "South Side"* of Hyrule field and came upon a long dark tunnel. "This way!" Link called. "Through here!" I watched as Link disappeared into the tunnel. Then I followed. At the other end we crossed a bridge and then into what seemed to be a village. Etienne: But in reality, it wasn't. Cat: *waves arms* It's all a dreeeeeaaam! Dee: *snickers* Yeah, one big lucid dream. Little people wearing green clothes that looked like kids Jesse: The CLOTHES looked like KIDS!? Cat: This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare! O_o started to surround us when we stopped. "This is the Kokiri Village." "The place where I was raised." Link said as he dismounted. After I dismounted one of the kid like Genocide: Baaaaa? Etienne: ^_^;; Wrong kind of kid. Kokiri took our horses to tend to them. As I walked around the village the child like people began watching me. They all seemed very curious to who I was. As I looked around at them I noticed that they had something floating around them. Cat: Run! It's the fog!!! As I took a closer look I noticed that they looked like fairies from the fairy tales told to us in our village as kids. "Were these really fairies from the stories I heard as a child?" I thought to myself. Just then one of the Kokiri, a young girl approached me. "My name is Saria, what's yours?" Cat: (Jenna) Mary Sue--ah, I mean, Jenna. ^_^; The young girl asked. "My name is Jenna, it's a pleasure to meet you." I replied. "Are you the one that came with my friend Link for our Spring Night Festival?" Dee: Um, didn't you just see them come in? Saria's eyes seemed to glow at that moment. Genocide: SHE'S POSSESSED!!! "Yes he invited me." I said as a smile crossed the Kokiri girl's face. Dee: With a big red X!! *rimshot* I could tell that she knew I had my eyes set on Link, though she remained silent about it. Jesse: Yes, Saria thought it might be a social faux-pas to point out that Jenna's eyes were stuck on Link's back... There were male Kokiri as well. Genocide: Must not be from the "Lebian" Coast... *cough* ^_~ One in particular was one named Mido. He was the leader of the Kokiri and a dear friend of Saria and Link. Etienne: Some friend... he picked on Link all the time when he was a kid! He had a sense of humor but he yet remained stern and headstrong for he was their leader and was responsible for their lives. Genocide: And what a scary thought it was. It was time for the feast, Saria gestured for me to join them at the feast table. She led me to the seat next to Link. As I sat down next to him she smiled and winked at me. "Did she plan this?" I asked myself, and then smiled. Cat: Uh... why does she keep talking to herself like that? Dee: What do you expect? No one else wants to talk to her! After a moment I looked over all of the food. There was a great abundance of food to eat. There was cooked pork in a rich chestnut cream sauce, beef stew, cooked turkey, Jesse: As opposed to raw turkey? all different kinds of cheeses, bread and butter, cooked vegetables and even many different kinds of fruit. My mouth began to water as I combed over the food. Etienne: (Random Kokiri) Um...Jenna? Why are you combing the food? After I served myself, I began to eat. As I was eating I could not help but notice that Link was watching me out of the corner of his eye. Cat: (Link; thinking) What a pig... I could feel his stare. Though it was pleasant. Then our eyes met and a smile crossed his face. Dee: And the readers went insane from choppy sentences. As I stared into his eyes they seemed to glow under the light of the moon. Etienne: What is WITH the glowing eyes!? He even looked more handsome in the moonlight. Jesse: But boy, was he a dog in the sunlight! And I told myself that I would be crazy to pass up a man like this. Dee: *chuckles* Oh, Jenna, dear. Don't be silly... you ARE crazy. After everyone finished eating, all of the Kokiri got up and started to dance. Some of the Kokiri even played instruments. As the music drifted in the air Link took my hand in his. "Would you care to Cat: (Link) Be a sacrifice for our Spring Night ritual? dance?" I looked at him and smiled. "Yes, I'd love to." Genocide: -_- The dialogue is thrilling. I can barely contain myself. He led me to where everyone else was and we started to dance. We danced and drank Genocide: (darkly) Each other's blood! Jesse: You're really starting to freak me out, man. Genocide: ^_^ Eeeexcellent. long into the night. And to show my appreciation I even did a solo dance. Dee: Thus horrifying everyone greatly. The Kokiri had never seen Jenna's version of an "exotic dance" before, and they never wanted to see it again. Then after I did my dance I went to sit down and rest. I was tired. Link came and sat down beside me. "You look real tired." Cat: (Hick voice) Gee Mary Sue, you done look real tired. But you sure are purdy... wanna come back to my luuuuve shack? "Are you ready to retire?" Jesse: Please say yes. Link asked as he put his hand on my shoulder. I nodded yes All: *cheer and throw confetti* and tried to get up and walk. But I was so tired and had too much to drink that I stumbled. Etienne: *whimper* Pleeeease say we won't have to see drunken sex... *shudder* (Everyone looks horrified at the idea) Catching me in his arms, Link led me back to where I was sitting. "I think it would be wise if you stay here tonight." "I have plenty of room and I can escort you back to the castle in the morning." Link looked at me with a worried look and I decided to stay. Jesse: Yeah, he was worried she would get loose and the world would be destroyed by the evil, all powerful Mary Sue! And that is how we spent every night together, even up to the night when I finally shared his bed. Cat: O_o Getting drunk and dancing? I started to know within side myself All: Huh?? that Link was the one I wanted to be with. Even more so on the night when I shared myself with him...... Jesse: Thankfully, it looks like we don't have to read that... Dee: *blinks* You mean... the fic's over?? Etienne & Genocide: Woooo!! Cat: ...So, how are we gonna get out of here? and some batteries.> H.C. CHEESIE: Ohhh ho ho ho! You won't be getting out of HERE anytime soon! LT. CHEESIE: Yeah... heh heh. We have lots more badfics for you! H.C. CHEESIE: (continues) Yes... there are many more chapters of "My Inner Life"... and you will suffer through them all!! *cackles* MSTers: Nooooooo!!! H.C. CHEESIE: Oh, but don't worry... we've setup your old computer, Genocide, and it seems there are many more people who desire revenge against this Link's Queen! ...That's right, for many of the future parts of "MIL" you will have a guest who desires a chance to vent about LQ... (The Commander breaks into evil cackles) LT. CHEESIE: Uh, yeah. What he said. GENOCIDE: Uhh... why do you want to torture THEM?? H.C. CHEESIE: (stops cackling abruptly) Umm....... SHUT UP!! Lieutenant! Tell them who their guest shall be!! LT. CHEESIE: Uhh..... *searches through some papers* Ahh, here it is... some evil chick named... Bold Font? ALL: ........ JESSE: What kind of name is that? CAT: It's... er, interesting. ETIENNE: At least we'll have some more company... DEE: (huffs) Well, we'd better get outta here soon... I've got a date tonight! GENOCIDE: *giggles* He probably wouldn't even be able to see you! DEE: *thwacks Genocide* Shut up! (The Commander clears his throat loudly) H.C. CHEESIE: A-HEM! ...Enjoy your peace while it lasts, my precious little victims... oh, and don't bother trying to escape. My counterpart and I have set up an elaborate and very PAINFUL electrical security system... so unless you want to get fried, I suggest you stay put! MSTers: -_- (The High Commander turns around with a flourish, though it loses its dramatic touch when he almost trips over his Lieutenant) H.C. CHEESIE: (aside to the Lt.) Out of my way, idiot! (in a louder voice) I shall take my leave.... but rest assured, you will suffer again soon! Ahh ha ha ha haaaa!! *stalks off* LT. CHEESIE: *follows the High Commander with a less-than-evil laugh* (Long silence) GENOCIDE: Well, it could be worse, right? (No one answers) GENOCIDE: (frantic) ...Right?? Endnote: Gasp! What will happen next? Will out heroes escape? Will they really be able to survive any more of "My Inner Life"? What kind of name IS Bold Font? Find out in the next instalment of "My Inner Life"!! ^_^ Dedications: Oh yes, this is dedicated to Bold, Miss Cam, Tilly, and everyone else who has been endlessly annoyed/disgusted by recent rants by that certain someone... *rolls eyes* Hopefully some humor will have alleviated a little of the frustration.