Subject: {MST} Poketreck XIII (1) Path: lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!audrey05.news.aol.com!not-for-mail Lines: 1007 X-Admin: news@aol.com From: lunarknightx@aol.combat (Lunar Knight X) Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon.hentai Date: 29 Mar 2001 18:15:14 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Message-ID: <20010329131514.26383.00001689@ng-cf1.aol.com> Well, it’s been another couple of weeks, moths, decades, whatever... but anyway here’s another MST to please all of my fans (Yes, I haven’t forgotten all four of you ^_~). And if you haven’t seen the anime Ranma½, not only should you be shot in several vital organs, but this episode can be somewhat confusing in a few parts. For those of you that don’t know, in that anime, several people have curses where if they are splashed with cold water, they change into another body, here’s a quick reference chart of the characters that will appear in this MST: Normal <---> Cursed Ranma {Male} <---> {Female} Ryoga <---> P-Chan {Small, Black Pig} Shampoo <---> {Cat} But of course, you should already know that.... The LKX Chronicles --==+++v2.0+++==-- Location: Cat Cafe Japan Lunar Knight: Fucking Duke..... Two guys run by, one chasing the other. Luna: Well, maybe you should have checked the ticket. One of the guys goes running by again, chasing a girl. Lunar Knight: Fucking boat..... The girl runs by chasing a pig. Luna: So what do we do now? The two guys come running by again, but a blue-haired girl comes by and smashes them with some random blunt object, then pours some water on them. The guys turn into the girl and pig. Lunar Knight: Fucking critic..... wait a minute... did that guy..... Guy-Girl-type-thingie-person: Whad’ya do that for!? Pig: Squeeeee~eeee! Luna: Oh don’t act so fucking surprised, they’ve been doing that for the past three days. Lunar Knight: ~_~........ fuck you. Shampoo: Ranma no fight in here. Go outside, beat up Ryoga. Shampoo picks up Ranma(F) and P-Chan and throws their asses into the street (well, actually they land about 5 streets down the road, but that’s just a minor detail). Then, still in the adrenaline rush, she picks up Lunar Knight and Luna and does the same. Luna: Huh? Lunar Knight: What the fuck? *splat* Lunar Knight: Ow..... Luna: Well, I‘ve never heard of that Japanese custom... Ranma(F): Um..... who are you? Ranma dumps hot water on herself and P-Chan. Lunar Knight: Huh? I’m Lunar Knight and this is Luna; why do you ask? Ranma: Well, it’s not every day I see a guy in a full suit of armor; I figured one of you two were either here to kill me or marry me like every other insane idiot that comes to this town. Lunar Knight: Well, I’m busy and she’s taken, so I’ll see ya.... Luna: Hey, aren’t you forgetting something? Lunar Knight: Huh, no not really....... Luna: You know, that thing you do whenever you meet someone!? Lunar Knight: Um..... say hello? Luna: You know.... you’re a dumb fuck. Luna proceeds to bonk Ranma and Ryoga with large blunt objects, and strap them into chairs she pulls out of that anime-girl-random-object-limbo. Lunar Knight: Um.... musical chairs? *Bonk!* Lunar Knight: Ow!..... Luna pulls out a projector. Lunar Knight: Oh, yeah.... that..... ----- Location: Wendy’s SC Shadow: So, um.... what should we do today? Alex: I dunno, same thing we do everyday I guess..... Icy: Are you pondering what I’m pondering? Reef: Yea, but how are we going to make THAT many clones of Cher? Shadow, Alex and Icy stare at Reef. Reef: What.....? Davey: *fart* Alex: Phew.... smells like someone isn’t taking the transition from Taco Bell all that well....... Davey: *Fart* ....... *Splat* Everyone moves over to the next table. Alex: Erm... anyway, if we’re going to continue on the path of making LK’s life a living hell, shouldn’t we at least find him first? Shadow: That is quite a good idea, but how.....? Icy: Hey, I know! We’ll use a plot hole! Alex: Huh? Icy: Watch this! Icy stands up and pulls a small glass container from his pocket. The mentioned container seems to be holding a black gas and is clearly labeled ‘Heavy Duty Plot Hole; Do Not Open Dumbass!’. Icy: See, and all I have to do is.... Reef: ....everyone grab something..... Icy opens the container and it erupts into a mini-black hole. Everything in Wendy’s is sucked in. A few moments later, Alex, Davey, Reef, and Shadow find themselves in a city street in Japan. Meanwhile, however, Icy finds himself high above a planet’s surface, and he seems to have been turned into a bowel of petunias. What he believed to be his last thought was ‘Not again.....’. But when he thought it was all over, he landed safely on the blubbery carcass of a whale who seemed to have undergone the same fate..... Then the Wendy’s fell on him. ----- Location: City Street Japan Shadow: Well, that was surprisingly pleasant..... Reef: Where’s Icy? Alex: Who cares? Reef: Good point.... Shadow: Whoa shit, it worked, look over there..... Reef: Yep it’s him. Let’s get him! Shadow: Hey, not so fast.... notice where we are? Alex: Um... here? Shadow: This is Japan! Let’s go get souvenirs ‘n shit! Reef: Um... don’t you think we should..... Shadow: There’s plenty of time for that later! Let’s go! ----- Lunar Knight: Um... ok..... so we’ve got a cast, we’ve got a lemon, let’s do it. Luna: Can’t you keep you dick in your pants until we’re done!? Lunar Knight: You know, I try so hard to keep bad jokes like that out of my MSTs.... Luna: Try harder...... ~~~~~~~~ Pokémon: The Next Pikachu! On the previous installment of [you know it, right?] the Rapidash was sent back to the past, and everybody got in trouble a little bit. Bob was taken in by the police, Pikachu was arrested for sexual harassment and *not* for solicitation, but you're all probably wondering why that is, so let's get into the next season and episode of Pokémon: The Next Pikachu! ~~~~~ Ranma: Hey, I remember this series! I saw it on that h...... nevermind..... Ryoga: You’re such a pervert Ranma! Ranma: Hey! Shut up! Ryoga: Make me! Ranma: Yea, soon as I get out of this chair, you’re dead, pal! Ryoga: You think I’m scared of an idle threat!? Ranma: You’d better be! Ranma busts out of the chair. Ranma: Tenshin Armiguriken! Using lightning-fast punches, similar to a certain sumo street fighter, Ranma beats the bloody hell out of Ryoga. Ryoga: That was cheap Ranma! Ranma: Like you wouldn’t have done the same. Lunar Knight: Would you two, mind? I’m trying to subjugate you to a lemon here. Ryoga / Ranma: Fuck you! Lunar Knight: ........ Lunar Knight goes up and grabs both of them by the neck, and lifts them each a foot off the ground. Ryoga: What the..... Ranma: ...hell!? Lunar Knight: I’m the author, remember that! So unless Rumiko Takahashi personally comes and removes me, I can do as I please. Lunar Knight starts to get erased. Lunar Knight: What the fuck!? I’ll be good! I’ll be good! {Rumiko}: You’d better! Luna: ... ~~~~~ Now, guest-starring today is MWF, Sky Render, K-Ecchi, and Xavier Valentine Mewtwo. It's the attack of the AGNPH people! Wait, last- minute addition here.....wait.....aha! Now, for one time only, it's the death of Marcus Yu, although exact details are not available at this time. Later developments...later. Episode XIII: Back to the Past, Part II [or, A Really Fucked-up Trial] Pokédate: 1999 A.D. The Scene: The Bridge (Charmander is sitting at his station, doing his job. Absolutely no one else is on the bridge. Wait, here comes Flareon!) Flareon: Hi! Charmander: Huh? (looks up) Oh, hi there. Flareon: Still working on a way to get us back? Charmander: Yeah, though I haven't made any progress. Flareon: Then what you need is a break. Why don't we... (wink, wink) Charmander: I can't! I'm still on duty! Flareon: Oh, come on, haven't you ever wanted to do it on the bridge? Charmander: Well... ~~~~~ Akane comes walking up to the improvised theater. Akane: Ranma! Here you are! I’ve been looking all over.... why is Ryoga tied up...? Ranma: Hey, don’t look at me, those two over there are psycho! Akane: Looks like they’re just playing a movie for you.... speaking of which, could you move it out of the road, traffic’s backed up for 5 miles.... Ranma: Damnit! It’s not me! Akane: Don’t go blaming these nice people just because they happen to be here, it’s your fault and you know it! ~~~~~ (and they fuck in the captain's chair. Pikachu's gonna be pissed.) ~~~~~ Akane: ............ Ranma: Um...... Akane: ............................ Ryoga: Uh-oh........ Akane: .......................................................................... ...... Lunar Knight: Hit the deck, she’s gonna blow! Akane: RANMA YOU PERVERT! *BAP* *SMACK* *SPLASH* *KAPOW* *BLAMMO!* Ranma(F): That didn’t hurt..... Luna: What? This? *Poke* Ranma: GWAHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~ ----- Location: Some far away planet Alien 1(British Accent): Ha! We’ve finally done it! Our Super, Omega, Psycho, Turbo, Glass Domination Crusher Cannon is complete! We will rule the world! Alien 2 (Redneck Accent): I’ll go tell the boss! {Ranma}: ~HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~ The big glass cannon shatters. Alien 1: Damn, damn, damnit I say.... that’s the 15th time this week....... Alien 2: You know.... I reckon maybe you should tell the boss.... ????[Boss]: There is no necessity which is said to me. I am correct here... Aliens 1&2: Ahhhhhhhh! ????: First, you die; It did that someone and going the I which goes? You find M. ----- Location: Back in Japan Earth, dumbass. Ranma(F): Wha’d you do that for!? Luna: Oh, nothing..... Akane: Ranma, you deserve to be stuck here with these people.... I’m leaving! Lunar Knight: Hey, Luna; quick, tie him... er her.... er Ranma up while he’s .... er.... she’s ..... whatever, while Ranma is distracted. And get it some water..... ~~~~~ The Scene: LAPD 51st Precinct, visiting room (Everyone is there, minus the sluts and Bob. Pikachu is sitting behind the glass booth, just like in the movies.) Mewtwo: How the hell do you get arrested for sexual harrasment when you're with a prostitute?!?! All: *deadpan* Mewtwo: Was she a cop or something? Pikachu: No, definitely not a cop. We fucked like, three times. ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Man, he was THAT bad? You’d figure someone who fucks around as much as he does could at least please a whore! ~~~~~ Mewtwo: Then what the fuck happened?! Pikachu: I don't know. All I know is she was putting her clothes back on and I was about to leave when she screamed, ran down the street, grabbed a cop and told him to arrest me. Mewtwo: Well, look, I'm gonna go find someone who'll- (suddenly, the door to the room bursts open, and Bob runs in wearing a strait jacket and no nuke.) Bob: HELP ME!!!! THEY'RE TAKING ME TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION, AND THEY STOLE MY NUKE!!!!!!!!!! (a couple of guys in white coats run in and take him away.) ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Hey, I know those guys! They put you in the happy-funtime room with the rubber walls. Luna: ...... ~~~~~ Bob: HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! Mewtwo: *sigh* Okay, somebody go get Charmander and tell him to get down here and figure out a way to get Bob free. I'll stay here and try to get Pikachu out of jail. Abra: Okay, I'll go get him. (teleports back to the ship) The Scene: The Infirmary (Brock is standing around in the infirmary yelling at Dr. Applby while he [the doc] keeps tinkering around with a machine.) Brock: Why the hell did you have to put those pictures on the TVs?!?! I was about to get laid!!!!! Dr. Applby: Well, I'm sorry about that, but I seriously doubt you would've gotten very far with her. Ah, finished! Brock: What? Finished with what? Dr. Applby: With my fuck machine!!! Brock: What the hell is it? Dr. Applby: It's a machine that perfectly simulates a sexual encounter with the slut of your preference. Why don't you give it a try? You're not gonna get laid any other way, right? Brock: (fuming) Oh, fine, I'll try it. (sticks his dick in a hole in the bottom) Hey, this feels like a hand!! Dr. Applby: Actually, it is a hand. (Brock looks down and sees that the hole is just a white-gloved hand.) ~~~~~ Ryoga: Man, what a looser! Ranma: At least he kept conscious..... Ryoga: Shut up! Or else~ Ranma: Yeah, yeah. Kill me, maim me, mutilate me; whatever. Why don‘t you put your money where your mouth is? Ryoga: I, uh... well.... Ranma: Yeah, what is it? Think I’ll bankrupt you? Ryoga: Um, actually I’m already broke. I spent all my cash on directions to get here. Ranma: Ugh... idiot.... fine. How about the looser has to join these two? Ryoga: Well then, when I beat you and you’re forced to leave, Akane will be all mine! I accept! Lunar Knight: Hey, do you guys mind shutting up? Ranma / Ryoga: Fuck you! Lunar Knight:....... That’s it. I didn’t want to do this, but when my cast does everything but do the actual MST, the gloves come off! Lunar Knight waves his hand. Ranma: ....... and that was? Lunar Knight: Hey! Why didn’t it work!? Ryoga: Um... what are you doing? Lunar Knight: Jedi mind control. Luna: You know, it helps to become a Jedi first...... Lunar Knight: Hmmmm... I think you have a point there... But how am I going to get them to pay attention!? ----- Location: A small spacecraft Space Random Guy: Wow, I can’t believe I finally became a Jedi! These powers are so cool! ...Hey, someone’s signaling me.... ????: Which method of being buried? R. Guy: Huh? What are you talking about? (To self, but still loud enough for the transmitter to catch): Damn, I’d better stop on this planet, this guy sounds nuts... what is it.... Earth? ????: do to appreciate in you, now me slowly, kiss. R. Guy: ?????????? The Jedi’s ship is bombarded with missiles. R. Guy: AHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~ ????: Hahahahaha! My now as for me, my vengeance defy mighty it is possible to go strictly...... ~~~~~ Brock: DAMMIT!!!!!!!!! The Scene: South Street Mental Institution 'For Better Sanity' (Charmander is talking to Bob through a glass window like on TV) Charmander: How the fucking hell do you get thrown into a mental institution?!?! Bob: Well, I was just walking along with my Vulpix and my nuke, and... Charmander: Wait, you had your nuke with you? Bob: Of course, I don't like to leave the ship without it. Everyone wants a nuke, ya know. Charmander: O...kay. Look, they say they'll release you into my custody because you didn't appear to know what you were doing and I told them I was your legal guardian, but they're taking your nuke. Bob: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Charmander: You're lucky, at first they thought you were just a terrorist using less than one percent of your brain. Bob: Now they just think I'm an idiot. Charmander: Exactly! ~~~~~ Location: City Street Japan Mousse comes jumping out in front of everyone. Mousse: Die Ranma! Then a spaceship crashes on him. Luna: That guy doesn’t look so good.... Lunar Knight: Hey, maybe there’s a Jedi inside! Luna: Oh what are the chances of that? ~~~~~ The Scene: Interrogation Room (Pikachu is sitting and talking with Mewtwo, when suddenly Xavier Valentine Mewtwo [hereafter known as XVM] walks in) Mewtwo: Finally! Pikachu, this is Xavier. (to XVM) Please, sit down. XVM: Thanks. (sits down) Okay, Mr. Pikachu- Pikachu: *Captain* Pikachu, please. XVM: Okay, *captain*, I think I can help you with your case. Pikachu: Why, are you a lawyer? XVM: No, I'm a stockbroker. Pikachu: Excuse me? Mewtwo: He's gonna help us raise funds for your attorney, since a state-provided attorney is just a guy with a briefcase and no brain. Or genitals. Pikachu: So how's he gonna raise funds? XVM: Well, I'm psychic, so I cheat at money markets and I make a ton of cash. I'm about a hundred times richer than Bill Gates. Pikachu: Then why don't you give us a loan? XVM: Because I'm not a banker, I'm a stockbroker. Pikachu: Whatever. The Scene: Somewhere on the Rapidash (Marcus Yu is walking down the hallway spouting some nonsense about how he's better than everyone else.) Marcus Yu: I'm better than everyone else! You all should commit suicide so future generations don't have to suffer! (suddenly the Evil Slave Driver Man [hereafter known as ESDM] runs in with a whip and shackles.) ESDM: Down on your knees, bitch!! (whips him) Marcus Yu: Hey! Fuck off, dickwad, I'm the most important person in the world!! ESDM: Wrong, you're my bitch!!! (whips him again, then puts the shackles on him.) Marcus Yu: Dammit, somebody's gonna pay for this!!! ESDM: Yeah, you!! (punches him in the mouth and kicks him in the shins.) ~~~~~ Location: Sex Shop Downtown Tokyo, Japan Shadow: Woohoo! Reef: Huh, what was that for? Shadow: I dunno, I just had a feeling like I should celebrate.... Anyway, which dildo do you think I should get my girlfriend? The pink one, the gray one that plays sound clips from the exorcist dubbed in German, or should I just go cheap and get the used one? Reef: ..... I think I’ll wait outside...... ~~~~~ (And so it begins! And before you break out the flamethrowers, Marcus, this was by the request of [censored for his/her protection] so don't blame me. Then again, by the end of this episode, you may want to kill me anyway. Even so, you'll be [censored for suspense]) The Scene: Courtroom (Pikachu's sitting in the defendant's chair, Mewtwo is sitting next to him, and the prostitute [hereafter referred to as 'Hooker'] is sitting in the prosecutor's chair with a guy in a suit, [hereafter referred to as 'Lawyer'.] Everyone else is sitting in the audience. And if anyone thinks I use the word 'hereafter' too much, too bad, it's my lemon!) Bailiff: All rise, for the honorable Judge Robbins. (Judge Robbins enters and sits down as everybody stands up) Judge: You may be seated. (everyone sits down) Now, what's the case today? Bailiff: Case #1038482A, Vinila Busums versus Mr. Pikachu. ~~~~~ Ryoga pops a nosebleed and passes out. Lunar Knight: ..... that’s odd...... even with the Jedi mind control he passed out at the mere mention of boobs. And it was just someone’s name..... Luna: Jedi mind control? That didn’t work remember? Lunar Knight: No, the guy in the spaceship WAS a Jedi, and I traded him a pair of your panties to have him make these two think this entire situation is normal. Luna: ....You mind repeating what you just said you gave him? Lunar Knight: Oh, um..... Season tickets to the Yankees? *Bonk* Luna: That’s for giving away my panties! Ryoga, who had been recovering, hears panties and passes out again. *Crash* Luna: That’s for trying to lie to me! *Shazzam!* Luna: And that’s for the really bad joke! Lunar Knight: um.... Luna? Did you just hit me with a ‘Shazzam’? Luna: I.... um... er..... *Fish & Chips* Lunar Knight: Now this is just getting stupid, that’s not even a sound effect! Luna: Um..... Shut up! *Abraham Lincoln* ~~~~~ Pikachu: *CAPTAIN* Pikachu!!! Bailiff: Whatever. Pikachu: Look, why am I here? I thought I was under arrest. Judge: No, Mr. Pikachu, you're being *sued* for sexual harrasement, but you were placed under arrest on charges of assault. You'll be staying in the custody of the police till this trial is over. Pikachu: Well, that fucking sucks. Judge: I will not have that language it in my courtroom, Mr. Pikachu! Pikachu: Fine... Mewtwo: (stands up) Look, your honor, Captain Pikachu is a friend of mine, and maybe you'd let us know just how much he's being sued for? Judge: Of course, Mr. Mewtwo. Nice uniform, by the way. Mewtwo: Oh, thanks. Judge: Bail for your friend is set at $500,000, and Ms. Busums is suing him for $20,000,000. All but Judge: $20,000,000?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ~~~~ Ranma: Wow, you’d think she spilled coffee on herself at McDonalds or something to sue for that much..... ~~~~ Judge: That includes emotional distress. There will be no jury, since this is really a small claims court. The trial will commence tomorrow. (bangs gavel) ~~~~~ Luna: You know, he doesn’t want profane language in the room, but then he goes and bangs his gavel? Lunar Knight: What did he drill a hole in it or something? That wood’s gotta hurt. ~~~~~ (Yes, I know $20,000,000 is anything but small claims, but bear with me here. I just didn't want to deal with a jury, since that's twelve unnecessary cast members.) ~~~~~ Lunar Knight holds up a ‘Will work for food sign’ ~~~~~ The Scene: Pikachu's Jail Cell ~~~~~ Ranma: You’d think that with all the futuristic weapons and porn at their disposal, no jail could hold them. ~~~~~ (Pikachu's sitting on a bunk looking despondent, and Ash, Misty, and Mewtwo are crowded around the cell looking partly despondent.) Pikachu: (despondent) I'll never get out of here. Mewtwo: It does look bleak. (suddenly, XVM walks in) XVM: Well, I made enough for your bail, but you'll still have to stay here till the trial is over, and I've managed to bail out your friend Bob, but thank me later, please. Oh yeah, I spoke with Vinila Busums, and I figured out why she's suing you. Mewtwo, Ash, Misty: Why's she suing him?!?!?! XVM: Apparently.........................................he mooned her. Mewtwo: He mooned her? Misty: Why would he moon a hooker? Ash: Did he ask her to spank him or something? Pikachu: I DID NOT MOON HER, I JUST BENT OVER TO PICK UP A QUARTER!!!! All: *deadpan* ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Yes, but the quarter was PURE EVIL! MWAHAHAHAHAHA~ Luna: What the fuck are you doing? Lunar Knight: Sorry, it seemed like the right thing to do. Luna: Well it wasn’t! ~~~~~ The Scene: The Rapidash, Brock's quarters, the next morning ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Yes, but little did they know that Brock’s quarters were~ Luna: Damnit, just shut the fuck up. ~~~~~ (Brock wakes up, mumbles something about pussy, rubs his eyes and looks around. Suddenly......) Brock: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M A TIT AGAIN!!!!!!! (runs out in a panic) (we see Dr. Applby hiding in his bathroom watching him. Behind him is a box labeled 'Giant Tit Costume. Inflate with care. Do not bite the nipple.') ~~~~~ Ryoga: Hey, Ranma! Didn’t Happosai try to get you to wear one of those the other day? Ranma: Yeah, nobody’s found him since... I give him about 3 more days before he digs out... er... gets found. ~~~~~ The Scene: Police Interrogation Room, later that morning (Pikachu is sitting with Mewtwo and XVM. Suddenly, K-Ecchi walks in.) XVM: (to Pikachu) Okay, here's your lawyer. Pikachu: (looks at K-Ecchi) What the hell?!?! He's only fourteen years old!!!!! K-Ecchi: Yeah, so what? Pikachu: SO WHAT?!?!?! You're fourteen years old!!!!! K-Ecchi: Look, if you're going to focus on that little detail, I don't think I can help you. Pikachu: You couldn't help me anyway, dickhead!! You're only fourteen years old!!!!! K-Ecchi: Fuck you, I'm outta here!! (muttering) Shithead. (leaves) Pikachu: (to XVM) Damn it, can't you find me a lawyer that isn't still in junior high?!?!?!?!?!?! XVM: Well, I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be so picky! Pikachu: Look, it isn't that hard, just find someone who's actually got a high school diploma! Do ya think you can do that?!?!?! Mewtwo: Actually, it's kinda late for that. The trial starts in twenty minutes. Pikachu: WHAT?!?!?! Mewtwo: Well, it's not that bad. I mean, I could represent you. Pikachu: No thanks, sir, I'd rather do it myself. XVM: I don't know, you know what they say: 'The man who represents himself has a fool for a client.' Pikachu: Who asked you?!?!?!?! XVM: (muttering) Fine, whatever, I'm just a fucking stockbroker. The Scene: Ten-Forward (The ESDM is making Marcus Yu parade around in a school-girl uniform, complete with panties and an anatomically correct bra.) ESDM: Shake that ass, bitch!!! Marcus Yu: Dammit!!! This is fucking ridiculous!!! (the guy whips his ass a few times, then jumps him and ass-fucks him in front of everybody.) ~~~~~ Location: a bar Reef: Woooohooooo!!!! Shadow: What was that for? Reef: I dunno, I guess whatever happened to you before is spreading. Alex: Um... hey... guys.... have you noticed that there are no women in here? Davey comes in with a note attached to him. Reef: Hey, it’s from LK! "Sorry, but due to budget cuts, the letters G and Y had to be stricken from the location title" All: ................ They all climb over each other trying to run out. ~~~~~ The Scene: Courtroom Bailiff: All rise, for the honorable (blah, blah, blah.) (Judge walks in, sits down and bangs his gavel.) ~~~~~ Ranma: He really should stop that, he could get splinters. ~~~~~ Judge: You may be seated. (everybody sits down) Council, you may proceed. Lawyer: Thank you, your honor. (stands up and does that lawyer thing) Now, today we're going to prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Mr. Pikachu- Pikachu: CAPTAIN PIKACHU, YOU PRICK!!!!! Lawyer: (to Pikachu) Shut up!!! (to everyone else) Today we're going to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt, that MR. PIKACHU has deliberately and willfully sexually harrased Ms. Busums, with no regard for the consequences. Pikachu: I object! Judge: To what, Mr. Pikachu? Pikachu: (points at the lawyer) To his suit! It's offensive to my religion! ~~~~~ Luna: I can only imagine ~~~~~ Judge: And what religion is that, Mr. Pikachu? Pikachu: Neo-classic sex fiendism! Lawyer: Neo......shut up! Pikachu: Hey, can I make a statement, your honor? Judge: Of course. Pikachu: Great! (stands up and does the lawyer thing) Okay.......... In the beginning, there was pussy. And men were happy. Then came lesbians, and men were really happy. That's all I have right now. (sits down) Lawyer: I'd like to call my first witness, your honor. Judge: Go right ahead. Lawyer: Prosecution calls Lenny Carl. (a siamese twin that has the heads of Lenny and Carl from The Simpsons walks in and takes the stand. The bailiff does that thing with the bible and everything.) ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Now, I’m no law expert, but isn’t that Bible thing a violation of separation of Church & State? Luna: Do you really even care? Lunar Knight: No, but I like to pick on the government. ~~~~~ Lawyer: Mr. Carl, you stated that yesterday you saw Mr. Pikachu intentionally harass Ms. Busums? Lenny: Yeah, he mooned her, if that's what you mean. In plain view of everyone else, too. Lawyer: So you're saying he was being negligent of her feelings? Carl: I don't know about that, but I really wanted to feel her up. Lenny: Shut up, we're on the stand here! Carl: Hey, you shut up, I could tell them what you did in the bathroom last night, ya know! Lenny: Listen, we share that asshole, so let's not go there, okay?!?! ~~~~~ All: ........o_O;;;;;; ~~~~~ Lawyer: I have no further questions, your honor. Judge: Does defense wish to cross-examine? Pikachu: I certainly do! (stands up) Okay, Lenny, what the hell happened in the bathroom last night? ~~~~~ Lunar Knight: Luna could you please..... Luna: No problem *Bonk* Lunar Knight mumbles a quick ‘thanks’ before falling unconscious. ~~~~~ Lenny: Ummm........ Lawyer: I object, your honor, that's not relevant! Judge: Sustained. Pikachu: Fine, I withdraw the question. I don't have any more questions. Judge: The witness may step down. (Lenny Carl leaves) Lawyer: Prosecution calls Lefty, the Lopsided Whore. ~~~~~ Ranma: We should start a list of the possible non-prescription narcotics involved in making this lemon.... ~~~~~ (Lefty, the Lopsided Whore, [hereafter known as Lefty] walks in and takes the stand, then does the bible thing.) Lawyer: Now, Lefty, you know Ms. Busums? Lefty: Oh yeah, I know Vinila. She works Wilshire. I mean, she hangs out around Wilshire. (yes, I think we all know prostitution is illegal in L.A. Makes me wish that Nevada influence would spread a bit.) Lawyer: Right, and you know her character? Lefty: What? Lawyer: I mean, you know her to be truthful and honest, right? Lefty: Oh yeah, she's honest, all right. In all our years together, she always split her tips with me when we worked together. Lawyer: So she wouldn't be prone to lie? Lefty: Nope. Lawyer: I have no further questions, your honor. Judge: Mr. Pikachu, do you wish to cross-examine? Pikachu: Yeah, sure. (gets up) Hey, Lefty, how much for an hour? Lawyer: OBJECTION!!!!! Pikachu: To what, you not getting any?! Judge: Sustained. Pikachu: I have no further questions, your honor. The Scene: The Courtroom, much later in the day Judge: The prosecution will now read their closing statements. Mr. Pikachu, you're up. (Pikachu stands up and does the lawyer thing, trying to look as pitiful as possible) Pikachu: Listen, your honor, I work on the U.P.S. Rapidash, and- (this is a short conversation that happens between Ash and Bob. This only takes a few seconds in real time. Just thought you should know.) Ash: Bob, what the hell does U.P.S. stand for? Bob: Oh, it means United Pokémon Sodality. Ash: Sodality?!?!?!?! Bob: Yeah, some wise-ass wanted to call the original charter U.P.S., but the only word that means a collective codependency and starts with S is sodality, so they stuck with that. Ash: Weird... Bob: Well, he got what was coming to him. Ash: What happened to him? Bob: They stuffed acid-filled sponges up his ass. ~~~~~ Luna is scribbling on a piece of paper. Ranma: What are you doing? Luna: We always need more ways to kill Icy.......... ~~~~~ Ash: Ouch. (and now back to Pikachu's testimony!) Pikachu: I have a very stressful job, and I have to deal with weirdoes and freaks every day, so it's very feasible that I didn't know what I was doing at the time, and- (suddenly...) Announcer: It's the Poetry Man! Poetry Man: Oh give me a home, where the prostitutes roam, and the whores and the sluts go to play where seldom is heard, a discouraging word, unless a guy is a bad lay! (the Poetry Man leaves) Ash: Wait a minute, that was a song, not a poem. Mewtwo: Shut up, he might come back! (suddenly, the George W. Bush Man runs in!) George W. Bush Man: I'm the George W. Bush Man! Shoot me! (runs out) ~~~~~ Lunar Knight wakes up, jumps into the lemon, and chases Bush Man with his sword brandished. ~~~~~ Pikachu: YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERY SINGLE DAY?!?!?!?!?!?! Judge: Is that it? Pikachu: Yes, your honor. (Pikachu sits down, then the prosecuter does the lawyer thing) Lawyer: Now, we have heard the testimony that Ms. Busums is an honest, truthful person, and wouldn't be prone to lying, and based on Mr. Pikachu's sorry defense of himself, we can pretty much determine that he did willfully and intentionally inflict great emotional distress on Ms. Busums when he maliciously sexually harrased- Pikachu: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I JUST BENT OVER TO PICK UP A QUARTER!!! Judge: (sternly) Sit down, Mr. Pikachu! Based on the testimony and your own dubious character, I'm afraid I must rule in favor of- Voice from outside the courtroom: WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (suddenly, MWF runs in with a videotape in his hand!) MWF: I've got some evidence here that proves Mr. Pikachu's innocence! Pikachu: CAPTAIN FUCKING PIKACHU, YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS!!!!!!!! WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD TO REMEMBER?!?!?!?!?!?! MWF: Shut up, I'm trying to get you free, you little rodent! (holds up tape) This is a tape I took of Captain Pikachu when he supposedly 'mooned' Ms. Busums. Judge: Well, let's see it. (the bailiff wheels out a video unit and MWF puts the tape in the VCR and plays it. We see Pikachu making out with the hooker, then the two of them fucking once, twice......three times.....four times......damn.) Pikachu: (to MWF) You know, what bothers me is that you were taping this in the first place. MWF: You want a copy? Pikachu: Of course! (Finally they finish, the hooker gets dressed, walks into the street, and Pikachu's about to follow her when he turns around and bends over to pick up a quarter. Then the video zooms in really close and we get a rather...unusual...view of Pikachu's ass) All: Aarghguaoouuh!!!!!!!! (moaning and groaning) MWF: Damn, man, I oughta sue you for sexual harassment just for that!! Pikachu: So I don't shave my ass, okay?!?! So sue me!!!!! ~~~~~ Ranma barfs and Ryoga passes out. ~~~~~ Hooker: That's what I'm trying to do, you prick!! Judge: Well, based on this...disturbing...evidence, I have no choice but to pronounce Mr. Pikachu innocent of all charges. All: Hooray!!! Pikachu: It's CAPTAIN, damn it!!! Mewtwo: Shut up, you won, don't tempt him! The Scene: Wilshire (Everyone is walking back to their original transport site, when Sky Render comes barreling down the street in the SS Pika Smasher!) Pikachu: Holy shit!!!!!! Sky Render: DIE, YOU SHIT-INFESTED RODENT!!!!!!!!! (Sky Render chases Pikachu up and down the street in the boat, then the Taco Bell Dog runs up to Misty) Taco Bell Dog: Yo queiro- *BAM!* (got hit by the boat) (and Abra runs in!) Abra: Can't we all just get along? (*BAM!!!!!!*) Ooohreuahfghlkfj.... Ash: What the hell? Misty: Oh my God!!!!!!! He got hit in the groin!!!!!!! Mewtwo: That'll ruin his month. (Dr. Applby walks up to Abra and examines him) Dr. Applby: Okay, he should be fine, but don't give him any kind of stimulation for at least six weeks. Misty: Wait, what does that mean? Dr. Applby: Means you can't have sex for six weeks. Sky Render: Uh-oh............ Misty: DAMMIT TO HELL, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sky Render: Whoa!!! I'm outta here!!! (Misty starts snarling, then pulls out Malletana, the Ultimate Mallet, and proceeds to smash Sky's boat to smithereens.) *smash*, *crash*, *bash*, *boink*! Sky Render: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! My beautiful boat!!! (and XVM walks up to him) XVM: Have you ever thought about money markets? I can make you enough money for two boats. Sky Render: Couldn't you just give me a loan? XVM: DAMMIT, I'M A STOCKBROKER, NOT A BANKER!!!!! (and Sky Render and XVM walk into the sunset, talking about mutual funds and other ways of making a buck. Bob runs up to them with a nuke on his shoulder, but how he got it, I'm not saying) Bob: Just look what XVM did for me!!! (everyone ignores him) Pikachu: Can we *please* get back to the ship?!?!?!?!?!?! Charmander: Oh, NOW you want to go back to the ship, huh?! Pikachu: Shut up. The Scene: The Bridge of the Rapidash (Everyone's back, including Bob, Pikachu, and the sluts.) Pikachu: Hey, who fucked up my chair?! It's all moist!! Charmander: *silent*...........Okay, I think I figured out how we get back to the future. Pikachu: How? Charmander: Okay, all we do is just go back through the vortex. Mewtwo: What? You mean it never went away? Ash: Then why the hell didn't you tell us before?!?!?! Charmander: I was......busy. Anyway, let's go!!! (Charmander pilots the ship back into the vortex, and there's a really big explosion.) The Scene: Earth Orbit, Pokédate 30719.14 Pikachu: Whoa!!! We're back!!! Jenny: Cool! (to Joy) Bend over and take it like a whore!!! Mewtwo: I love this ship!!! (Jenny and Joy do a lezbo act, Mewtwo watches and fucks Misty, since Abra is still in pain, [no, it won't take six weeks for him to be able to fuck Misty, that was just a rough estimate] and Pikachu is happily fucking his sluts. And Ash? Ash and Alysa are gettin' it ON!!!!!!!!!) The Scene: The Infirmary (Dr. Applby is standing over the dead body of Marcus Yu, which is still bleeding from the asshole.) ~~~~~ Location: Saotome’s Sushi & Sumo Davey: *FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT* Reef: Um.... why are we in China again? Shadow: You know how hard it is to find a decent sushi n’ sumo place these days? Reef: So, you think we should go find Lunar Knight now? Jin: Lunar Knight!? That bastard stole my robot!? GET OUT! Reef, Alex, Shadow, and Davey are kicked out on their asses. Shadow: Damn.... oh well, let’s go get LK now..... ~~~~~ Dr. Applby: Damn....that guy must've been some jackass. (He puts the body in a coffin, then sets it on a platform, which bursts into flames. This is the future's way of cremating people. Suddenly, there's a tiny voice coming from inside the box.) Marcus Yu: Wait, I'm not dead yet! *fwoosh!* Marcus Yu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... ~~~~~ Alex: Yahoo! ~~~~~ (Marcus Yu is dead!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!! All rejoice and sing and dance and play the banjo!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ~~~~~ Cheering sounds can be heard worldwide. ????: No fuck! Why as for these coarse items which have tightened! You don't raise? ~~~~~ Okay, official apology time. First of all, to K-Ecchi, I know you're a sophomore, I just had Pikachu assume you were in junior high. To MWF, I hope the part was to your liking. To Sky Render, sorry about your boat. To XVM, I sure hope you can get him enough money for a new one, because under the terms of his contract, I don't have to pay for it. Sorry, but that's the way it is. And that's it for the apologies! Ze End!!! (that was the longest episode I ever wrote!!!) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- And *now* the season's over! I'll be taking maybe a couple weeks off, less if I'm feeling feisty, to think up some great new episodes, as well as some new poems. Also, to Pikoo no Miko, just a reminder that you'll be in the next episode. Okay, enough of that, on with the next episode teasers of: Pokémon: The Next Pikachu! The return of the Taco Bell Dog!!! (I've really been underusing him) Pikachu explains how the hell he made captain! ~~~~~ Luna: *Gasp* ~~~~~ Pikachu's WIFE comes to the ship!!! ~~~~~ Ranma: *Gasp* ~~~~~ An evil pikachu takes control of the bridge!! A twelve-year-old girl gets fucked by an Arcanine! (not saying anymore) ~~~~~ All: *Ga~* What the fuck!? Ryoga passes out. ~~~~~ This and lots more on the next season and episode of: Pokémon: The Next Pikachu! ~~~~~~~~ ????: The time when that does my appearance... I think of that now is ~~~~~~~~ Lunar Knight walks back in as the lemon ends..... Lunar Knight: Damn Bush...... Anyway, I guess I’m done with you two, so~ Suddenly the Cat Café explodes Lunar Knight: What the fuck!? Shampoo comes running up Shampoo: Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Ranma: Shampoo, what happen!? Then a big guy in a purple robe with green hair and a half metal face appears. Shampoo (pointing): Ahhhh!!!!! He set up us the bomb! Lunar Knight: Damnit.... I see where this is going..... CATS: Greetings gentlemen. All your porn are belong to us. Lunar Knight: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~ To Be continued..... And now, for you to actually understand some of the scenes..... Translation of CATS‘s phrases: There is no necessity which is said to me. I am correct here... There is no need to tell me. I am right here. First, you die; It did that someone and going the I which goes? You find m. First, you die; then I’m going to go find out who did that. Which method of being buried? Which way to earth? do to appreciate in you, now me slowly, kiss. Thank you, now kiss my ass. Hahahahaha! My now as for me, my vengeance defy mighty it is possible to go strictly...... Hahahahaha! Now I can go exact my revenge on those who would defy the mighty...... No fuck! Why as for these coarse items which have tightened! You don't raise? What the fuck!? Why don't these bastards shut up!? -- "Look at that, he's crawling on his hands and knees to have perverted sex with his dead wife. How sweet." "Go Assigor!" "Fuck is almost as fun to say as it is to do." - Dennis Miller