AGNPH Science Theater 2000 It was an ordinary day in AGNPH. People were talking, furries were yiffing, jokes were being made, debates happened, the usual shit. Then, out of nowhere, a huge portal appeared and everyone got sucked in-well, mostly everyone. It turned out a censor from Nintendo of America was punishing them for their sins (Using Pokémon for erotic art and writing purposes) by forcing them to read bad lemons. Now trapped on the Sattelite of Stupidity, they must try their best to keep what little sanity they had to begin with. NOA Censor: Today's victims-er, cast, are...*takes out list* Merc, RecoveringChrisitian, TIASIAN, Sara, and Saber. Sara: Aw, fuck, you mean I got stuck with these guys?! Merc: Come now, you know you don't mean that. :P Dop: I still don't get why the fuck you, K, and Tia got sent up here. You ditched months ago. Super User 2: Well, Tia comes in every once in awhile and I think K's posted on the NG... Merc: I came in on 9/11, y'know. :P RecoveringChristian: I just came back. Shadow: The NOA bastards still count 'em as regs since they were here for a long time. *shrugs* Saber: And Reef ran out of AGNPH after a patented AGNPH "I'm leaving forever" rant. Zanok: Then he got hit by a truck. Reef: And I still haven't come back, so what does that say? Saber: No outsmarting me. >:o NOA Censor: Okay, enough yammering. Get into the theater! *Sara, RecoveringChristian, Saber, Merc, and TIASIAN mutter as they head for the theater* *Theater* This is my first lemon so please bare with me here. All: Bad pun. My e-mail addy will be posted at the end if you have any quetions or comments. Sara: I got my flames ready! ^_^ TIASIAN: Sara. You seem to think that flaming this person will actually do something. Sara: What do you mean? I tailored my flames just enough to make this author feel stupid, and hopefully learn to write before he attempts to write anything else. Merc: ...Sara, this guy shamelessly makes puns as an attempt at humor. Even flames from K-Ecchi couldn't stop him. :P RecoveringChristian: *cough* Shut up. Pure Sex TIASIAN: Pure crap, you mean. Ash and Misty had traveled for a while and decided to camp out in a small forest. Sara: Ash and Misty lemon cliche #1: Camping out in a forest will always lead to sex. Merc: Cliche? Just how many lemons have you seen where Ash and Misty in a forest lead to sex? Sara: Well, there was the infamous "Love in the Forest", the slightly less yet still infamous "Campfire", a short one known as "First times", and that utterly stupid one by Matthew Bates..."Misty's news experience". Saber: That's only 4 lemons, Sara. So the whole thing with the forest is not a cliche. TIASIAN: Actually, Saber...it became one after the 3rd lemon with that setting. After that it became as stupid as Ether. Sara: Leave drama-boy out of this. :P TIASIAN: Sara, want some pictures of his latest pretend suicide? Sara: Sure. *accepts the pictures* O_o...Woah...a plastic bag around his head AND hanging himself out a window?! The fuck?! Saber: Ether's FAT. >:o TIASIAN, Merc, RecoveringChristian, Sara: ...Yes, Saber. Ether is fat. Pikachu laid sleep in a tree, Ash was in his sleeping bag, his back to Misty Sara: So she wouldn't notice him jerking off. Guys: ...*deadpan* RecoveringChristian: That was lame, Sara. Sara: *shrugs* Sue me. I'm bored. Merc: Someone's asking to be raped. :P Sara: Nice try, but you're not Ghastly. :P Merc: Hey, now...did I say I was going to try anything? Sara: Well, were you? Merc: ...Yes. Sara: I thought so. ~_~ -he was thinking of days to come. Misty looked at Ash, "boy is he cute", she said out-loud thinking Ash was asleep. Ash turned around with a surprised look on his face, he liked Misty, but he never knew she felt the same way about him. RecoveringChristian: Oh my fuck. Another stupid little forest love confession. Even dumber then Sara's jokes. Merc: Hey, I was going to say that. :P RecoveringChristian: HAHAHA. TOO LATE, MERC. Merc: Dammit, I wanted to insult her. RecoveringChristian: Insulting people is my job, fuckhead. Merc: You got to insult Pikoo. I should get Sara. Sara: *grabs a nearby lamp and bashes them both with it* Shut up! There will be plenty of time to insult and mock me later. :P Merc and RecoveringChristian: ...OW. THAT HURT, BITCH. Saber: Uh, guys? The lemon? "You were awake?", Misty asked blushing. RecoveringChristian: No, bitch, I was talking in my sleep, so shut the fuck up and go back to bed. Ash just got up, walked over to Misty and laid down facing her. Saber: Oh, another rape lemon. Yawn. TIASIAN: Well, maybe the author will surprise us and Misty will rape Ash...with a spiked cockring. ^__________________________^ Sara: That would at least be original. "WWWhat... Are...", Misty was cut off Merc: We are sorry, but your time has run out. Please deposit another 20 pence and try again. with a passionate kiss. The kiss lasted for what seemed like days, Sara: Is it just me, or do first kisses in bad lemons always seem to last for hours/days/etc even if they're only a few seconds long? Saber: Don't question the """logic""", Sara. You'll get tired. as there tongue's toyed and teased each other. Sara: I'd make some sort of joke about "teasing", but it's been done. Guys: Good Sara. "Oh!", Misty opened her eyes. She felt Ash's hardening dick press against her flat stomach, as he rolled onm top of her. Ash sat up, knees pressed on the ground beside Misty, and slid off his shirt. "I love strong guys", Misty commented as she caressed Ash's well cut chest. All: ...*burst into fits of snickering* Sara: Strong? Well-cut? This is a 12-year-old boy, for fuck's sake! He must be on steroids. Misty then slid down her suspender straps and took off her bright yellow t-shirt. Her niipples stood on top of her small hill shaped breast. RecoveringChristian: At least he didn't use the stupid old "huge breasts" cliche. "Firm...", Ash said as he attacked her breast, Sara: Aaah! We're under attack! *ducks flying objects and punches* Guys: Lame. Sara: I'm bored. Deal with it. caressing them. He kissed her all over her neck, slowly moving down. He then began to suck Misty's now, very hard nipples, and she moaned, feeling an orgasm slowly building up. Sara: ...Ok, guys, this person wants us to believe that females can orgasm by simply having their tits sucked. Should we point out the error in that, or simply smile and nod, for this person is an idiot? RecoveringChristian: I say we just laugh at his stupidity. TIASIAN: I would point out the many errors in this thing. But it would take me all night, and since the big error is that Ash is not being raped and tortured, that's pretty much one-third of the list already. Saber: He's delusional. Merc: So, smile and nod? All: *nod in agreement* Ash moved down slowly after a while, kissing her every time he stopped. When he finally got there, Ash slid down her blue jean shorts. Misty's small, curled pubic hairs Sara: At that age that can't be a natural curl. RecoveringChristian: NEVER, EVER PUT A CURLING IRON NEAR YOUR GENITALS. Saber: Ow. Sara: ...Oww...thank you for sharing. moved with the wind, and a small trickling stream of her sweat juice slid down her outer walls. Merc: Oh, great. The old love juices cliche. :P Ash waisted notime, and he Sara: Jumped off a cliff. quickly began eating Misty's wet pussy. She smiled and moaned, as pure pleasure was spread through-out her body. "Yesss... Ash, oh yeah... eat me... yeahhHHH!!!", Misty shouted as cum shot from her pussy, into Ash's mouth, and all over his face. All: Too much info. "Taste great", he said with a smile, and quickly ressumed sucking, cleaning every drop of Misty's sweat TIASIAN: What a sick typo. nectar. After Misty's second orgasm, Ash stopped and laid on his back. "Suck me", he said with a smerk. Misty began sucking Ash's fully hard nine inch cock. All: ... RecoveringChristian: It's been said over and over, and there's no point in saying it again. So let's just shut up. Merc: You mean that the cliche of Ash having such a huge penis is stupid and inaccurate? RecoveringChristian: ...Shut up. Merc: Hey, someone had to say it. :P She gagged as Ash's dick touched the back of her mouth, but she just kept going, sucking, and licking non-stop, Ash's dick just probing her mouth. "Yes!... Blow me... Suck me", Ash moaned as he neared an orgasm."Oh yeah... suck me, yes, yes, yesssss...", he busted TIASIAN: His heart, and died on the spot. Misty laughed evilly as she slowly revealed her true half-plant self. The poison had worked. She then motioned for Pikachu to come over, and Pikachu immediately began feasting on the corpse. Merc, Saber, RecoveringChristian, Sara: ...*applaud* TIASIAN: ^________________________________________________________^ in Misty's mouth, and she stood there, still sucking his dick, enjoying the taste. After a while Misty stopped, she got on her hands and knees TIASIAN: Oh, doggy-style. *yawn* Damn furries. and shook her plump, pear shaped ass. "Ohhh- Ashhhh", she said- teasing. He got behind her and slowly rubbed her cheaks. He then began to tickle her, teasing her ass with his tongue, making Misty laugh and moan in delight. Misty was extremely horny now and she wanted Ash. RecoveringChristian: Like she wasn't before? " Enough fun and games... I want you in me. Fuck me Ash, fuck me lick you've never fucked before...", Ash quickly went into action sliding Sara: Action sliding glass doors! Guys: ...The fuck was that? Sara: Just felt like it. his extremely hard member between Misty's ass-cheaks. Saber: AHHHH Not anal sex. Anal sex is evil. TIASIAN: Saber. Saber: ??? TIASIAN: Anal sex is good. *pause* VERY good. Sara: Even when it's a female recieiving it from Ash? TIASIAN: ...You really enjoy this, don't you? The pain was imbareble, Sara: ..."Imbareable"? Guys: Just smile and nod. Sara: So I'm a genius in english, spelling, and grammar and notice these things easily. Sue me. :P and Misty shrieked as Ash quickly pushed his huge cock into her ass. TIASIAN: If the author switched roles and gave Misty a spiked cockring, this would actually be a good lemon. Others: We know, Tia. We know. Excruciating pain spread through-out Misty's body, as Ash pumped faster and faster, picking up a rhythm. Misty had never known it could be this pain full, and she let out another loud scream, wishing for the pain to stop. TIASIAN: The pain will stop as soon as Ash dies. After a while Misty calmed down. Her screams turned into moans and she had ajusted to Ash's size. "Yes, Yes...", she said, finally enjoying the great sex. Sara: I've seen better sex under a microscope. TIASIAN: Amoeba porn, Sara? Sara: I dunno. I think it was mostly parameciums and various bacteria. It was for a biology lab. *shrugs* Ash began to thrust him harder into Misty, as he was about to climax. "YESS, YESSS, YESSSSSSSS!!!!!", he thrusted in one more time and burst. TIASIAN: And Ash is no more! YAY! Merc: ...Not in that sense, Tia. RecoveringChristian: Wishful thinking. His cum shooting into Misty's (now sore) ass, some spilling out to the side. Saber: Okay. I didn't need to know that. >:o It was all over, Misty flopped down on to her sleeping bag. Ash laid beside her, breathing heavily. Sara: And slowly, his heart gave out and he died. Misty died shortly after from the pain and bleeding. TIASIAN: You're learning, Sara. ^______^ Sara: Eh, it just worked. "That was great", Misty said with a smile. "You think that was good, wait till later", Ash said with a little chuckle. "Hey!, look at Pikachu", Saber: If Pikachu was masturbating to this, I'm going to kill someone. Others: EW! THANKS FOR THE MENTAL IMAGE! Misty said pointing to the tree where he slept. They had not noticed but Pikachu RecoveringChristian: Was really dead. had woke up from all the sounds he heard and was in shock Sara: I'm detecting another pun. RecoveringChristian: You have a very sharp eye for these things today, Sara. Sara: *shrugs* What can I say? Being stuck reading a bad lemon in a theater with 4 guys does that to me. from what he had seen. Merc: I'd be shocked too. That was the worst sex I've ever seen. Sara: I've seen worse. Saber: Sure you have. Sara: ...You haven't read Crystal Knight's stuff then. Lucky. "He'll be alright Ash said as he gave Misty a little kiss in the cheak. For now get a little rest you'll need your energy. Sara: Where did the quote end? Guys: Enough with the english teacher impersonation, Sara. Sara: Ah, shut up. :P End If you have any questions or comments or you just want to talk my e-mail is jab2099@yahoo.com Sara: Heh heh. *opens her "Mail waiting to be sent" folder and clicks "Send all"* TIASIAN: I still don't think your flames are going to work, Sara. If he's dumb enough to put his e-mail address at the end, he obviously wants the attention. Sara: I think he's just naive and assumes no one would flame his "cool lemon". Saber: Just writing the lemon to begin with indicates that he's asking for flames. *SOS* SU2, Reef, and Creation: So? Sara: Aw, dude, that thing totally sucked! Reef: O_o; That wasn't a side effect of the lemon, was it? Merc: Nah, she's just burnt out after playing the human computer intellect for the entire lemon. :P Sara: Shaddup, man. Creation: Well, I know what will help! GASM! GASM FOR ALL! Dop: No. VULVA. VULVA FOR ALL. Shadow: SEX!!! Inuchance: WHY NOT, FOR IT IS MAXIMUM FUN. Streak: *brandishes 2 huge SuperSoakers* That reminds me...I JUST REFILLED MY CUM GUNS! *laughs maniacally* Dop: That's nice, frosh. Streak: STFU, Dop. =P *shoots at him* Dop: *miss* *throws a bottle of sloth jizm at Streak* Sara: Put down the crack, guys. *NOA Button goes off* Saber: I'll get it. Don't want any fools making these guys madder. *answers* Die. NOA lawyer 1: Nice to see you too. Did you enjoy the lemon? Sara: It wasn't THAT bad. Others: What?! RecoveringChristian: *hits the 'hold mute' button* What the hell was that for, cunt? Sara: The logic with fools like the NOA lawyers and censors is that if it is bad and drives us all nuts, they'll send more just like it. If it doesn't drive us insane and we act like it was okay, then their plan will have failed. Just like in MST3K. RecoveringChristian: Ah. I get it...but this logic of yours better be right. Sara: *hits the resume button* NOA censor: It was...not that bad, huh? Merc: Nah, I've seen worse. NOA lawyer 2: Blast! We'll just need to keep searching...I heard good things about Crystal Knight. Sara: Read it. Boring, didn't inspire any sort of pain. Got repetitive after chapter 1. NOA censor: ...Damn you! We'll get our revenge yet, you'll see! Push the button! NOA lawyer 2: *presses the button, screen fades out* Sara: ...So they're going to look through the internet's entire supply of lemons? Can't be done. SU2: They probably think the entire lemon supply is the AGNPH archive's fics and Sakura Archives. :P Bug: I'm going to go rape Saber's FTP. Saber: Damn Bug. >:o I expect payment in the form of porn for that one. RecoveringChristian: Fuck this. I'm gonna go listen to NIN. TIASIAN: I'm gonna look for some deadly joy. Merc: I got better things to do than slack around here. I'm going back to the AGFFH part of the sattelite. Shadow: There's an AGFFH part? I didn't think this place was THAT big. Sara: Well, it was big enough to give everyone their own wing, apparently. Tabi: Speaking of which, I'm gonna head to mine and Sara's. ^^ I have an Inuyasha episode in my download manager. Sara: I'll come with you. I need to write. *They head off* *Everyone else heads to their rooms* *In Sara and Tabi's room* Tabi: So...how bad was it really? Sara: As terrible as it was, I HAVE seen worse. But really, it was like the author was either trying to hard or not trying. Tabi: Ah...I wonder what they're going to send next. Sara: All bad lemons are pretty much the same. *shrugs* So they're eventually gonna give up. *In CS's room* Countersync: Now...if I can just program this bot using C++, I should be able to hack into their files... ~End~ Well, since I ended it on a teaser-note, I think I will end up continuing this series, at least for a few more episodes. Though I'll probably have K, Merc, Tia, and maybe a few others leave. ^^;; If you wish to be removed from this series, please notify me and I'll do so.