Slowly move in on the hull of the burnt out Death star, still smoking. Duo is out cold in a hammock hung half assed in a corner, While the dude lies unconsious in the main room, surrounded by empty liquor bottles. Ash is slowly sneaking over to the bathroom, where strange noises and moans can be heard

Voice "Oh... Tenchi..." *squish, squish*

Ash leans closer to the door, nudging just enough to see Ryoko playing with herself infront of the bathroom sink. He loses control laughing under his breath and almost gives away his position when he falls back from the door and nearly knocks an empty bottle off of a table. Ryoko pauses for a moment.

Ryoko "What? Whose there? Answer me! Hello?"

Dude mumbles and moves around a bit, knocking over a bottle. Ryoko thinks for a minute and goes on back to the task at hand. Ash quietly wakes up the dude and then duo. All 3 sit and watch in awe.

Duo "Why is it the good shit always happens when Im asleep?"
Dude "Republicans man, I hear they also take the sun and put it in big fishbowl. Thats why we have night."
Duo "I knew it!"
Ash "Keep it down you two! Your making too much noise!"

All three giggle immaturely as Ryoko begins to moan loader and the other noises begin to get a "more textured" sound to them. Duo suddenly gets a huge grin on his face and runs behind the bar, fiddling with the communicator. 

Ash "What the hell are you doing? Theres a woman masturbating in the next room and you decide its a good time to make a long distance phone call?!?"

Dude "Well, it IS off peak right now..."

Ash stares blankly at the dude for a beat, then smacks him on the back of the head ala three stooges

The monitors flash to life and a half awake Stewey comes into view

Stewey "Who the hell do you think you are?! Its 4:30am! Unless your doing something interesting, like say killing each other for instance..."

All 3 point to the bathroom

Stewey "I say... what the hell is that noise?"

He fumbles around on Washuus computer and manages to peek through the door

Stewey "Oh Sweet god!" *flicks a few more switches and a 'REC' apears on the bottom of the monitor*

Ash "You were saying something about doing interesting things little man?"
Dude "Interesting? Hell, we can sell this as an Adult video!"

All 3 giggle evily and rub thier hands together in that Im-going-to-be-flithy-rich kinda way.

Stewey "That may be true, but you three are in the shot. Move!"

Duo looks around the room for a minute

Duo "But no matter where we go were going to be in the way"
Ash "Yeah, and theres no way in hell were going to miss this show!"
Dude "yeah!"

Ball lightning apears over the heads of Duo, dude, and Ash. It crackles and makes thier hair stand on end

Stewey "You will get out of the shot NOW!"
Duo "Not for all the crack in New York City!"
Stewey "Oh, I think you will move... it would be a very easy matter to simply patch into the bathroom intercom and tell out little actress thats shes atracted a crowd"
Ash "I really hate you..."
Stewey "Go into the theater. I'll send you something to read until shes done."
Dude "One condition. I want my new rug!"

Duo and Ash stare at the dude blankly, who stands tall and proud, as if hes just come up with the best bargain in the world

Stewey "I'll send you each a tape of this, nothing else!"
Duo and Ash "Deal"
Dude "But what about my..."

Dup and Ash both smack the Dude on the back of the head

Entrance

*dog bone
*6, the infamous clip of a monkey drinking its own Urine
*5, Bill gates drops his pants, revealing a black hole which we enter
*4, The Theme ingrediant on Iron chef is revealed to be a door, you enter
*3, Flying monkeys carry you off
*2, Fat bastard is laying in a radio flyer. You jump on his stomach, making him fart, which propells you 
*1, Pick up and eat a 10 month old coffee cake, which makes you pass out. You wake up in the theater


Ash, Duo, and the Dude walk into the theater in that order and sit


>"Revelations: True love at last"
>   by Sara Jaye

Dude "So this is what its like to be in the MST theater"
Duo "Yeah, aint it such a privalege?"
Dude "It smells like ass..."

>	Okay, first off, I know what you're thinking.

Ash "<sara> I am not a man!"

> If the title of this lemon is that cheesy,

Duo "Yeah, I love crackers and lemon titles"

>the lemon must be horrible. And you're right. This is a badly written, cheesy, cliché-ridden, >sappy lemon. And...I wrote it this way on purpose!

Dude "This girl aughta be on Dubyas staff..."
*ash and Duo snicker*
Dude "What? oh! heheh"

>	Yes, I wrote an intentionally bad lemon. Why, you ask? 

Duo "<sara> Because Im really an alien sent here to experiment on the psyche of the Human animal and to inseminate them Analy. You may call me 'The naked guy from Survivor'"

>Well, like any hentai, I've read my share of poorly-written lemons, and written a few of them >myself.

Ash "And wasted your fair share of tissues while reading them too I'll bet"

>Well, I wouldn't say that my lemons were bad, exactly (Except for the 2-minute orgies, but those don't count. :P),

Dude "Every orgy counts"

>but when I look back at some of my earlier works, such as "Ash and Misty get it on" 

Ash "I thought I saw than on Cinemax once... no wait, that was Bridget the midget"
Duo "What?!?"
Dude "... God bless America!"

>or "One night in a forest", I realize just what a novice I was...

Duo "Yes, thats kind of a given. A novice is a beginner"

>*shrugs* Ah, well. I'm straying here. ^^; 

Ash "Sadly, SaraJ is picked up for being a stray and thrown into a nice cold cage where she makes some canine 'friends'"
Duo "<dog> woof woof woof! >:P [Translation: You ever the the movie 'Deliverance'?]"

>	Anyway, this lemon was actually inspired by an untitled Tenchi lemon.

Duo "<sara> Tenchi Masaki asked not to be mentioned by name. Fuck him"

>I only read the MSTed version, but the lemon itself was sappy, full of typos and grammatical >errors, and just...well, bad!

Dude "Sounds like a romance novel"
Ash "Or a low budget chest shot porn video"
Voice "Speaking of low budget porn..."

*the monitor flips to a clip of Ryoko outright fisting herself. Duo, Ash, and Dude all give a thumbs up and go back to the Lemon*

>This lemon won't have countless typos and grammatical errors, though. 

Duo "Famous last words..."

>I can't bring myself to sink that low. :P However, 

Ash "<sara> I WILL watch dubbed sailor moon... only at gun point though"

>it does have one other thing that's common in bad lemons-a mismatched romance.

*the Dude pictures the original TV's Odd couple having gay anal sex and shudders*

>In this case, it happens to be Zoicite and Jedite. Now, I'm not a fan of Z&J romance,

Dude "Who?"
Duo "There characters from an animated series from Japan"
Ash "Yeah, dont you know anything?"
Duo "and you do? Tell me then, whats the name of thier cat?"
Ash "Cat... uh, clattu verata... no, wait... um... Seargent?"
Dude "you dumbass, even I know thats the name of the cat from "Cats eye"
Ash "..."

>mind you. I merely came up with an only-in-fanfiction theory that Jedite is in love with >Zoicite,

Duo "Yeah, it had nothing to do with that time SaraJ found Zoicite and Jedite screwing like horny cats in a phone booth"

>but since Zoicite and Malachite belong together, he never tries to win her.

Ash "That, and the fact that you never piss off someone bigger then you unless you have a boomstick or, failing that, a pointy stick"

>And of course, this is a dub-only theory,

Dude "<sara> One day I dream of it becomeing a dub-only law"

>unless one believes Jadeite to be bisexual in the original. 

Duo "<cheech> I heard hes trisexual, man"
Dude "<chong> Trisexual?"
Duo "<cheech> Yeah, he'll try anything once"

>^^;; *blinks* Damn, I strayed again. 

Ash "she must miss her new friends..."

>Well, before I forget what I'm writing here, I will leave you with one final note:

Duo "<note> Dont buy milk from a man with testicles on his forehead."

>Yes, I used the dub names. And unlike in my other dub fanfic/lemon ideas,

Dude "This one has 100% less death!"

>I base this thing from the actual DiC dub-no 'fandubbing' for me this time. (You can tell I'm >really going for broke here. :P)

Duo "In that case, I'll give you $10 for your stereo over there"
Dude "And I'll give you $50 for nude photos of yourself"
Ash "Dude, who the hell are you? Micheal Jackson? Walt disney? K-Ecchi?"


>	Well, that's it for this intro/disclaimer. Now, on with the show!

Ash "<sara> For tonights show, Im going to make 12 pikachu dolls disapear into a crevice in my body. Name the crevice and I'll let you keep the dolls!"

>[Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is not mine, 

Duo "<Daffy> Mine mine mine! All mine! Im a wealthy miser!"

>it is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, and DiC. 

Ash "Your a DiC..."
Dude "No, YOU are!"
Ash "No, YOUR a DiC!"
Duo "Your BOTH DiCs, now shut up!"

>This story is written for entertainment purposes only,

Dude "Just like all those damned fortune tellers I saw ads for on TV. They robbed me blind! I had to sell my car and live with a group of naked shirpas for 12 years! I hate you all!"

>please do not sue me.

Ash "Okay, we wont throw Sue at you"
*sue walks by drinking coffee*

>This story contains strong language and adult content. 

Duo "I.E., its cool"

>It should not be read by 

Ash "Anyone"

>those under 18 and/or those who are offended by such thing.

Dude "What about Nuns? Thier supposed to be offended, but Ive met some pretty dirty nuns before"
*Duo quietly reaches over and swipes the Dudes little black book*

>If you do not like this kind of thing, do not read this and then bitch that you were offended, >or there will be hell to pay.

All three "Were so scared..."

>But if you do enjoy this stuff and/or are 18 and older, enjoy!]

Dude "So what shes saying is, if your offended by this material, but are 18 or over, its ok?"


>				~

Duo "Clean up after your tamagotchi, damnit!"

>	It was a dark, quiet night in the Negaverse. 

Duo "THATS a shocker..."

>Everyone was asleep except for Zoicite. She was lying awake in bed thinking about something.

Ash "<zoicite> I just KNOW that little bastard at the grocery store shorted me a nickel!"

>Or rather, someone. Sighing, she looked over at Malachite, who was out like a light next to her, 

Dude "She often pondered of wailing on him with a hammer to see if he would shatter like a light as well"

>and began to wonder about their love. She knew that they cared deeply for each other and had >always been close.

Duo "although the last time was when malachite leaned over zoicite to get the remote and put on some porn"

>But at times, like right now, she wondered if it was true love. 

Ash "or was it that cheap imatation mexican love?"

>'Of course it is,' she reminded herself, almost scoldingly. Sure, Malachite was rather cold to >her at times, and flirted with other girls, 

Duo "And asked her to pass the lube while he lay in bed straddled by a random female"

>but even so, she knew he loved her...or at least cared for her. But still...she felt as if there >was something missing.

Ash "She couldnt be sure, but she thought he only had one testicle"

>Then her mind shifted to someone else...

Dude "Amy. she always wondered if that girl was
as reserved as she thought"

>Jedite. Ever since 3 days ago, when he had come out of his eternal sleep,

Duo "He had a mean morning wood she just couldnt help noticing. After all, he had been alseep for like, months"

>she couldn't help noticing him looking at her a bit strangely...almost longingly.

Ash "Like a dog staring at a snausage"

>Suddenly, she flashed back to earlier that day, after the latest battle against the Sailor >Scouts. 

Dude "It had been a long hard fight, and she was all sweaty. She hit the showers and to her suprise, found the scouts naked and tied up in the shower"
Dou " ~\ baw chicka baw baw ~\

>When she had sensed someone watching her and Malachite kissing under the cherry trees. 'It WAS >him,' she thought. 

Ash "<zoicite> Im going to kill that fucking squirrel!"

>She mentally kicked herself as she remembered the look on his face...the loneliness in his eyes.

Duo "Just like her grandpas eyes when she put him in the nega-nursing home"

>How could she have done that? 'Oh well,' she thought. No use dwelling on it.

Ash "Heh, thats an unusualy good reaction to come after our last kibitz :P"
Dude "Ayup! I saw that deserves a drink" *swigs from a bottle in his sweater*
Duo "Say, what exactly is IN that bottle?"
Dude "Damned if I know anymore. I just drink it"

>After all, Malachite was her boyfriend,

Duo "And on special occasions, her 'daddy'"

>Jedite should be able to accept that by now. She sighed again, and tried to get some sleep.

Ash "<zoicite> One sheep, two sheep, red sheep, dead sheep"

>Half an hour later, though, she was still awake. "Well, looks like I'm not sleeping tonight," >she mumbled. 

Dude "Who the hell is she talking to?"
Duo "her panties, I think thier sentient"
Dude "ah..."

>Quietly, she got out of bed, slipped her robe on, and walked outside onto the balcony to look at >the stars in the night sky. 

Ash "<zoicite> That constelation looks like Jedite having Anal sex with me..."

>Thinking again about Jedite...suddenly, she found herself longing for him.

Duo "Like a philly cheese steak at 6:34am"
Ash "What?"
Duo "Sorry, was channeling someone else for a second back there"
*Sue walks by with a cheese steak*

>Longing for him to touch her, longing to be held in his strong arms

Dude "Ya know, I just love this. Im siting here ready all this sappy stuff and wondering why the hell cant I get a girlfirend! I can do all of those things! Im a charming guy!" *burps like barney gumbel*

>..."Bad Zoicite!" she hissed under her breath. 

Duo "<zoicite> Bad zoicite, bad! Youve been very naughty. Now I have to get the whip..."

>What was she thinking? She already had a lover, why was she fantasizing about Jedite?

Ash "might have something to do with that rumor that he got horny one day, had his way with a double decker bus, and blew out the muffler when he came"

>"Damn, love is so confusing sometimes," she muttered.

Duo "No, more like its confusing all the time and a pain in the ass sometimes"

>	Jedite, meanwhile, was lying awake in bed as well. He appeared to be asleep, as his eyes >were closed, 

Ash "But he was actualy crying his eyes out becuase he couldnt find a drop of hand lotion in the whole kingdom"

>but he was unable to stop thinking. About earlier, when he had spied the love of his life >kissing another under the cherry trees. 

Dude "What? Another love of his life? Does he want a nasty nega 3 way?"

>"I knew from the beginning she had a boyfriend, so why do I still feel this way?" he wondered >aloud. Suddenly he felt like a jerk. 

Ash "And bawled like a baby when he remembered there was no lotion"

>Malachite was Zoicite's lover, she had every right to kiss him. So there was no use being upset >about it. 

Duo "He should just be happy he didnt find them playing horizontal piggyback in the cherry orchard"

>He repeated this to himself, 

Dude "<jedite> I am a good soldier, I am a good soldier, I am a good soldier..."

>and tried to go back to sleep. But the more he tried, the harder it was. 

Ash "If he couldnt find some lotion soon, he knew hed end up dead"

>He couldn't get Zoicite out of his mind. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known >(aside from a raven-haired girl he'd once courted)

Duo "Not to mention the scouts. He never did very well against them in battle because he couldnt stand up"

>...those pretty green eyes, that long, shiny golden hair, that smile...

Sue "Actualy, she reminds me of a girl I used to know. Good friend of mine. We were an item back in 3rd grade, but you know how kids are. If she was still in town, Id ask her out now..."
Dude "..."
Ash "How the hell did you get in here anyways?"
*sue chomps on his sandwhich and walks off*

>"Gods, I love her," he sighed. 

Duo "<gods> We know. We know everything"

>He felt so frustrated. He knew she already had a love, and that he could never have her.

Ash "Yeah, cause the gods know that you can only ever have one boyfriend/girlfriend in your life"
Duo "<gods> yes we do, we know everything"
Ash "... dont do that"

>Yet he still felt this way. Sighing, he slipped out of bed. 

Dude "and fell on his hip. His worst fears were realized when he saw his med-alert button was across the room and was forced to yell 'Help, Ive fallen! and I cant get up!'"

>Maybe a walk would clear his mind. He grabbed his jacket and put it on as he headed outside, shivering slightly in the cold night air.

Duo "Had he bothered to put his pants on as well, chances are he wouldnt be shivering like that..."

>	As he was walking, though, he noticed that he was not the only one awake at this hour.

Ash "Tuxedo Melvin jumped out from behind a bush and skewered Jedite in the back of the head with a meat hook before he could react"

>As he got a better look, he saw Zoicite standing on the balcony outside her window, only in her >robe. 

Ash "He thanked the gods that he had a good vantage point when the wind kicked up and gave him a private viewing"
Duo "<gods> your welcome"
Ash "..." *smacks duo"

>She looked so beautiful. Jedite's heart began to beat faster as he walked over.

Duo "<jedite> oh, I shouldnt have eaten that bacon grease I found under my bed..."

>Just then, Zoicite noticed someone standing outside her window. Rubbing her eyes, she stepped forward a bit to get a better look.

Ash "and went teetering off the balcony, killing bth herself and jedite. Queen Beryl had to replace them with rabid wiener dogs, who ended up nibbling the scouts to death, the end"

*ash attempts to walk out of the theater and is zapped. The loudspeaker kicks in"

Stewey "Sit down you fool, shes not done yet!"
Duo "Youve got to be kidding me!"
Dude "call guiness, man"

>	"Jedite?" She was very surprised to see him, especially because she'd just been thinking >about him. "Zoicite..." he whispered.

Duo "<jedite> I see london, I see france"

They stood in silence for a few moments. Finally, Zoicite said, "Jedite, please come up here." 

Ash "<zoicite> My shower is all backed up, maybe you can help me? *bends over seductivly*"

>Jedite did as he was told, and reluctantly met her gaze. And again there was silence. Zoicite >looked at him. 'Gods, is he handsome...' 

Duo "<gods> yes, we..."
*Ash turns around and punches duo in the face with a closed fist. Stewie laughs manihacly in the background*
Duo "Just shut up little man. Dude, would you help me find my molars?"

>she thought, then mentally slapped herself. 'Remember Malachite,' 

Ash "Isnt he on the periodic table?

her mind scolded her. Jedite was wondering why she called him up here. In his dreams, she would call him up to confess her love for him. 

Dude "and then whip him with sausages while lithiuanian midgets in hot pants on pogo sticks filmed them"

>But only in his dreams. How he wished it was reality. But as long as she was in love with >Malachite, it could never be. Feeling himself 

Ash "<zoicite> Get your hands out of your pockets, Im talking to you! Thats Rude!"
Dude "<jedite> ok. *whips out penis and goes back to work*
Ash "<zoicite> on second thought..."

>begin to get depressed, Jedite looked away from her. Then Zoicite spoke again. "Jedite, I-" she >began, but he stopped her. Even if it was too risky, he had to tell her. 

Duo "<jedite> I... I have to tell you something, but its risky"
Dude "<zoicite> go on..."
Duo "<jedite>... invest in globaltech"

>"Wait...before you say anything, I must tell you this." 

Ash "<jedite> I am not a man. Hell, Im not even a human!"

>Zoicite blinked. His heart pounding faster and his palms sweaty, he drew in a deep breath and >stepped closer, taking her hands in his

Dude "pants"

>. "I...love you, Zoicite. I have since the day we met, and since then you are always on my mind >and in my heart,"

Ash "<jedite> and in my secret vouyer video tapes"

>he said. Zoicite nearly fell over, she was so shocked.

Dude "<zoicite> I really aughta change that light switch..."

>Jedite continued. "But...I know you already have a lover, and I won't stand in your way. I just >needed to tell you."

Duo "<jedite> cause you see, I cant directly stand in your way, but by telling you this and mentaly weakening your relationship with malachite, well..."

>That said, he let go of her hands and looked away.

Ash "<jedite> Whoa! I can see Queen Beryl getting dressed out of this window. Can we switch rooms?"

Zoicite felt as if her heart was going to break through her chest.

Dude "<zoicite> I KNEW I shouldnt have split that bacon grease with jedite..."

>He LOVED her? She had been agonizing over her feelings for him and her relationship with >Malachite the whole night, and at that moment, she realized it.

Duo "<zoicite> I see london, I see... *feels between her legs* Oh my god! Jedite, how could you look?"

>She did care about Malachite, but only as a dear friend and a teacher.

Sue "I never fell in love with any of my teachers, although my 10th grade english teacher, a fresh college graduate, made us write things we like as an introduction excersize. I wrote cappacino, and as a little note she wrote "So do I! Maybe we can go out for a few sometime". I really wish I had picked up on that..."
Dude "..." 
Ash "Seriously, how the hell did you get in here? Where the fucking exit?"
*Sue walks off wordlessly as he sips a coffee*
Ash "Asshole..."

>It was Jedite she truly loved. How could she not have seen it all this time? 

Duo "Youd be suprised how hard it is to see how much you love someone when your fucking the hell out of someone else..."

>"Jedite..." she began, but this time, he cut her off by taking her hands in his again and >drawing her closer. 

Ash "<jedite> and know I'll draw you with a funny mustache! *squiggle*"

>"Just...let me have this one moment to remember. Please," he whispered. 

Duo "<jedite> My only other memories are of that time I got car jacked. Those bastards! *sob*"

>With that, he took her in his arms and pressed his lips against hers, giving her a long, deep, >passionate 

Dude "sexual harrasment suit"

>kiss. To his shock, Zoicite wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same passion. This kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but was only about a minute.

Duo "Jedite was extremely pleased by this, as there was something else he wanted to do that only took a minute"

>Right then, Zoicite knew it was true love, and it felt wonderful. Finally, they pulled back and >looked deep into each other's eyes. 

Dude "<jedite> You have lovely retinas zoicite"

>"Jedite, I have longed for you to touch me, to hold me in your strong arms for a long time >now," she whispered. "Zoicite...does this mean...?"

Ash "<jedite> you mean...next time you catch me masturbating
while watching you finger yourself in the shower, you won't smack me around with the red herring? And you'll let me come in and fuck your brains out?"
Dude "<zoicite> Only If you eat your vegetables young man!"

>Jedite looked at her, his eyes shiny.

Dude "<zoicite> what the hell were you doing, you smell like nephlite"
Ash "<jedite> Do you have any little bags of chips? Im hungry"

>"I love you, Jedite. I have for a long time now, I just didn't realize it until tonight,"

Duo "<zoicite> And thats why Ive been fucking that lump on the bed we all know as malachite, just to be sure"

>she whispered, her soft green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Jedite could not believe this. >Was he dreaming again?

Ash "<jedite> I dont THINK Im dreaming... my pants are on"
Duo "<zoicite> Whats wrong?"
Ash "<jedite> I was just wondering, would you suck my cock?"
Duo "*zoicite raises up a hand and disembowels jedite*
Ash "<jedite> Definitly not a dream... *slumps over dead*

>Zoicite smiled and pinched him on the arm, as if she knew what he was thinking.

Dude "If she knew what he was really thinking, shed be pinching a different part of his body..."

>"Ow," Jedite winced. So this was really happening. "What about Malachite?"

Duo "<jedite> Is he interested in a little... 3 way?"
Ash "<zoicite> I doubt it. He wouldnt even do me analy"
Duo <jedite> the bastard..."

>he asked. "I love him, but he is just a friend. My love for you is much more than that,"

Dude "<zoicite> like the love I have for vasseline..."

>she said. Smiling, Jedite held her closer. "I've dreamed of this moment forever,"

Ash "<jedite> except in my dreams you were dressed in a kawaii kitty costume and had a roll of raw cookie dough..."
Duo "<zoicite> Look in the closet :P"

>he said. "As have I," Zoicite said, her voice so soft she was almost like an angel at the >moment.

Dude "Not that Im complaining or anything, but I never got taught about any angels of mercy that fuck your brains out"
Duo "Of course not, god keeps all of those angels from himself, eh big guy?"
Bellowing voice "Damn straight"


>	"Jedite..."
>	"Zoicite..."

Moaning from other room "Tenchi..."
*all 3 laugh hystericly*

>	Blue eyes met green as they leaned in again,

Dude "Why is frank sinatra meeting the green eyed monster of jealosuy?

>then closed as their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss. Jedite slowly untied the green ribbon >that held back Zoicite's long hair, letting it flow gracefully down her back.

Ash "*jedites runs his hands through zoicites hair, only to shock himself when he realizes its all back hair*"

>Zoicite ran her hand into Jedite's short yet thick, gorgeous blonde hair.

Duo "<zoicite> I found a jolly rancher!"
Ash "<jedite> Ive been looking for that, give it here"

>They held each other tightly, Jedite's hands running through her hair, and up and down her >sides.

Dude "Wow, his hands can multitask!"

>A shiver of excitement went through Zoicite upon feeling the warmth of Jedite's strong hands >through the thin silk of her robe.

Duo "So I guess weak hands are cold then?"

>She moaned lightly and hooking leg onto his just a bit

Ash "What? Do you speak english?"
Duo "Parlevu France?
Dude "Spucence duech?

>and running her hands through his hair. Jedite slowly broke the mouth-to-mouth contact and began kissing her neck,

Duo "then peirced her neck with a church key, and had a nice hawaiin punch"

>his hand reaching down and gently brushing against her chest. "Oh!" his lover gasped. 

Dude "So as soon as you get into some light groping, your lovers?

>He blinked. "Something wrong?" he asked, a bit worried.

Ash "<jedite> cause you know, if theres anything you dont like, its gone. Hate my hair? *picks up a buzzer and shaves his head bald*

>"No...you just surprised me, that's all," she said almost seductively.

Ash "<jedite> A little late for that... *turns off buzzer and throws away handfulls of hair*

>Jedite smiled. "Just a bit nervous, I guess..." 

Duo "<jedite> Cant we have scantron sex? Scantrons are always easier"

>he said, then resumed his actions. Zoicite closed her eyes and let the sensations slowly take over, 

Dude "<zoicite>This is better then the time I got queen baryl drunk and introduced her to my little friend! *wields a salmon*"

>moaning as she felt Jedite's warm hands gently cup her small breasts. 

Duo "Jedite, the bra of tomorrow"

>After a few minutes, she loosened the sash of her robe and pushed the sides of her robe >slightly out of the way.

Dude "<zoicite> the full show will cost you $5 dollars"
Duo "<jedite> Can I get a tab?"

>Jedite just stared at the smooth, pale skin of her bare chest and shoulders, feeling his member >stiffen in his pants

Ash "It was actualy rigormortis. After years of disuse, it had died without anyone noticing. Zoicite was about 3 years too late"

> Zoicite shivered a bit, goosebumps appearing on her naked skin. "Maybe we better go inside," >she suggested. 

Duo "<jedite> But I promised little billy and al that they could watch!"
Ash "*zoicite looks over the balconyes edge to see two young children staring up at the blacony and masturbating*"

>"Yeah, this balcony is no place for..." Jedite began, then blushed. "That is, if...you want >to." Zoicite nodded. "Yes," she whispered. 

Dude "<zoicite> I love exobitionism! *throws off robe. Two moans are heard and zoi looks over the balcony to see the two kids passed out*

>Jedite smiled, then lifted her into his arms. He then teleported to the ground below and >carried her to his room.

Duo "<jedite> youve just GOT to see my stamp collection!" 

>	Once inside, he lay her down on the bed and kissed her again,  sliding his hand inside >her robe and squeezing her breasts. Zoicite moaned, then after a minute broke the kiss. "Let's >even things out just a bit," she laughed as she slowly began to remove his 

Duo "penis, then used an air pump to give him makeshift boobs. Jedite ran off screaming into the night"

>jacket. She pulled it off and tossed it onto a chair,

*All three wince in pain*

>then gasped a bit as her eyes took in the sight of Jedite's bare-chested form.

Ash "looking much like that of Ash from Pokemon"

>Gods, was he handsome! 

*Duo cringes in fear from ash*

>"Wow..." she breathed. Jedite blushed a little as the golden-haired angel pulled him in 

Dude "to the garage where she hung him off of an engine hanger and whiped him"

>for another kiss, her small hands massaging his chest. Jedite's arms wrapped tightly around >her, his heart feeling as if it would burst. 

Duo "<jedite> why oh why didnt Queen Beryl get us personal trainers?"

>They still could not believe this was happening. But it was

Ash "Snoopy really WAS mauling the mailman"

>. Jedite reached down and slowly untied the sash of her robe, then pulled back and slid the >fabric off of her

Duo "revealing her to be filled with cotton"

>. Zoicite let it fall to the floor, then lay back on the bed, only in her panties. "You're >beautiful, Zoi...even more than in my dreams," Jedite whispered.

Ash "Now if only that dwarf with the leg of lamb was here, THEN itd be a dream"

>Zoicite blushed. "Thanks..." she said. Jedite lay down and the 2 of them kissed yet again.

Duo "Yet again blushed brightly, happy to have so much attention"

>Zoicite could feel the heat growing between her legs as her lover's hands massaged her breasts.

Dude "<zoicite> Oh shit, the vibrators overheating again! Damn you, you lousy repair man!"

>Jedite slid his hand down into Zoicite's white cotton panties and felt the lips of her now->moist pussy.

Ash "He then gave her a wetnap"

>Zoicite shivered in pleasure and broke away from his lips. 

Duo "Shes breaking away! After her!"

>"Ohh Jedite..." she moaned. He responded by slipping 2 fingers into her, probing at her inner walls, his thumb rubbing her clit. 

Dude "He then tried to use her to defeat bowser, but as agile as he was with his hands, she just wasnt an N64 controller"

>He moved his head down and began sucking lightly at one of her breasts,

Duo "Much like a Hungry Vampire"
Ash "<vampire> What the hell is all this white stuff? I want blood damnit!"

>causing Zoicite to moan louder. She moved her hand down and began rubbing Jedite's erection through his pants. 

Dude "<jedite> Oh monica!"

>Jedite groaned and pushed his fingers deep inside Zoicite's vagina. 

Ash "Going through the crust and magma, right to her iron core"
Duo "You kept your health class and science class notes in the same notebook, huh?"
Ash "Whats your point?"

>Finally, Zoicite couldn't stand it any longer. 

Dude "<Zoicite> I will kill those damned Baha Men. I could give a damn less who let the dogs out!"

>She wanted Jedite inside her that very moment.

Duo "thats interesting, Ive never been asked to go inside ANYONES that very moment"
Dude "Man, Im half drunk and that was STILL a lame joke!"
Duo "Shut up..."


>	"Jedite!" she cried out. 

Ash "<zoicite> leave my cat alone and get back over here! the ASPCA will have a fit!"

>Jedite looked up from her tits and slowly began to remove his fingers from her


Ash "Cat"
Dude "Your sick man, sick sick sick"
Duo "You dont think it could have anything to do with someone we know, eh?"
Dude "What do you mean?"
Duo "Who do we know with a tail?"
*Ryoko can be heard moaning from the bathroom*

>. "Yes?" he asked. "Please...I need to feel you inside me right now.

*Mini-me apears out of nowhere, sees the "me" in zoicites request, and runs to the other end of the death star screaming all the way*
Duo "How the hell did he get here?"
Sue "Beats the hell out of me"
*Ash, Duo, and the Dude all stare at Sue for a bit before beating the crap out of him and dumping him in the corner*

>I can't stand it any longer," she whispered. 

Duo "<zoicite> Kinkos is open 24 hours! I HAVE to copy SOMETHING! ANYTHING really late at night!"

>Jedite himself felt as if he wasn't going to last longer. 

Dude "Sheesh, he hasnt done anything but finger her and hes ready for a cigarette..."

>He kissed her lightly on the forehead and gently lay her back, pulling >his pants and boxers off in one swift motion. 

Duo "then he walked over to a dinner table and did the classic tablecloth trick"

>Zoicite gasped as the size of Jedite's cock. 

Ash "<Zoicite> My God! I think theres a cricket in your pants!"
Dude "<jedite> If you need me, I'll be hanging from the old oak tree... *sobs and walks off*"

>"I've never seen one that big!" she commented. 

Dude "Okay, two things here. First off, BULLSHIT! and secondly, if shes supposed to be a virgin, why has she seen a cock at all? Is she like one of theose people who gets to the top of the water slide, peeks down the edge, and runs away?"

>Jedite blushed. "Thanks," 

Duo "<jedite> He goes to the gym"

>he said as he slowly slid off Zoicite's panties. 

Ash "But was then thwarted when he found zoicite had been fitted with a Cunt Club©"
Dude "<jedite> Damn you loktite corp of America! Damn you to hell!"

>He positioned himself above her

Dude "Using a norden bomb sight"
Duo "Pilot to bombadeer! Aproaching target, estimate distance and preapre to launch!"

>, a bit nervous, knowing she was a virgin. "Now, this may hurt a >little, Zoicite...but just relax.

Ash "<Dr Evil> Its just a little prick"

>I'll try not to hurt you too much,"

Duo "<jedite> Just lie perfectly still, otherwise I might mise and gore you"
Dude "<zoicite> Wait, I changed my mind, I want off this ride!"

>he reassured her. Zoicite was also pretty nervous, knowing her first >time would be a bit painful,

Ash "<zoicite> Just keep thinking to yourself, dead sailor scouts, dead sailor scouts..."

>but she nodded. "Okay. But I know you won't hurt me too much," she >said, smiling. Slowly, Jedite eased his rock-hard penis into her. 

Duo "It was around this point that zoicite realized Jedite had never taken Health Ed. Jedite was looking for a hole in her back"
Ash "<zoicite> What the hell are you doing?"
Dude "<jedite> If vintage footage of planes refueling in midflight has taught me anything, thats the way to do it!"

>Zoicite cried out a little in pain as he broke through her virginity, 

*a loud nasely "HYMEN!" eminates from the Earth. A satelite fires a beam and Jerry Lewis is no more*

>and a single tear slid down her face, but she was okay. 

Ash "Except for the fact she forgot she cant clot..."

>Jedite gently brushed it away. "I'm sorry. From now on there will only >be pleasure, I promise," 

Duo "<jedite> *fumbles and falls with all his weight onto zoicite* What I meant to say was, no more pain, starting... now!"

>he whispered. Zoicite smiled. "I'm okay now," 

Dude "<zoicite> just, next time, let me do some streching exercizes. You can get seriously injured without the proer warm up :P"

>she said. Jedite slowly began to pump his cock in and out of her pussy,

*all three begin humming the "Josey and the Pussycats" theme*
Duo "You know, thier going to totaly fuck that up as a movie. It was a cartoon made up in the late 70s or so. If thier necks twist and pivot like on Rikki lake, Im gonna burn down the houses"
Ash "You mean all the movie theaters?"
Duo "No, I mean the houses of everyone involved with the film. Even the people who go to see it"
Ash "Dude... chill..."
*the Dude hands duo a half empty flask"
Dude "You need that more then me man..."

>loving how tight she felt to him. Zoicite moaned, wrapping her arms >around him and lifting her hips slightly. Jedite began to pump more

Dude "Deisel fuel. Zoicite had a suprisingly large tank"

>furiously, already feeling himself about to cum. Zoicite felt an orgasm >building up 

Ash "Caution, orgasms at work. Renovations to be completed in 2010"

>as well, and her hips began to move in time with his thrusts.

Duo "But not his parrys. Sadly, she was slain. The end"
*monitors flicker*
Stewey "No! Not yet, shes still going!"
Ash "WHAT?!?! Thats impossible!"
Dude "Feels like weve been in here for months!"
Stewey "Yes, well... *hides calendar*"

>Jedite pumped in and out furiously, holding her tightly against him.

Duo "<corinor> Cause of death looks to be suffocation, the victims chest was crushed. Theres also the matter of these friction burns on her genetalia..."

>Finally, it became too much and they both reached climax at the same time, yelling each other's name.

Ash "Meanwhile, queen Baryl was asking for volunteers to scream thier name out to apply for latrine duty"

>	"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH JEDITE!" "ZOICITE!"

Duo "<Rocky> ADRIAN!!!"

>	When it was over, they collapsed back onto the bed, panting >heavily.

Dude "<Jedite> DAMN those DiC bastards can run fast! i thought we'd never lose em!"

>Zoicite rested her head on Jedite's strong chest,

Duo "Unfortunatly for jedite, it was his ice chest"

>listening to his heartbeat. Jedite held her in his arms, stroking her >hair. 

Ash "Her hair was very excited"

>"I love you, Zoicite, my darling" he whispered. "And I love you too, >Jedite. Now and forever," Zoicite whispered, pulling the bedsheet over >them. They fell asleep in each other's arms, their love for each other >stronger than ever.

Dude "Well hell, one of them didnt even KNOW they loved the other one until tonight, so Id say its gotten stronger, yeah..."

>				~End~

Duo "And thier was much rejoicing throught the land!"
Dude "Damned straight!"
*the dude pulls 3 bottles of whisky out of 'liquer space' and all three salute the end of the lemon*

>	Wasn't that sweet? *gag* Okay, I know I sank pretty damn low with >this thing. But since I wrote it for the sake of writing a bad lemon,

Ash "... why is she still talking. She wrote "~End~"
Duo "No more! Stop!"
Dude "Thats false advertising man!"

>who cares? :P

Dude "I do! and so does my *evil grin* LAWYER!"

>	This is actually the first Sailor Moon lemon I ever wrote and >finished.

Ash "<sara> all the other ones got shot down before they could reach the halfway mark by the decency commison"

>I started on 2 of them, but one I almost completely forgot about,

Dude "Dont worry little lady, Im the same way with showering"
Ash "Ah ha! I knew that smell wasnt the ferret, cause we dont have one!"
Dude "crap... my secret..."

>and the other I hit a block with.

Duo "<sara> A block called Al sharpten. He claimed I hit him with it because he was black and has claimed legal property of my lemon. Its now sitting in a warehouse in Jersey"

> ^^;; Too bad my first Sailor Moon lemon had to be such a lousy one, >huh? :P 

Ash "Well, at least everything that happened in the lemon could physically happen. I mean... if the negaverse were real... and stuff..."

>	Anyway, if you are going to MST or flame this lemon, go right >ahead. But...don't be TOO hard on me.

Duo "What? Your the one being hard on ME, wearing that skimpy neglige!"

>Remember, I'm just a simple otaku with a crazy mind.

Dude "And I am an indian with a crazy horse! *whoop*"
*Ash quietly slips the dudes bottle away from the dude*

>^_^ Hopefully, my next Sailor Moon lemon will be better than this >thing.

Duo "*Sara holds up a furby to indicate a 'thing'*"

>	Ja ne! ^_^

Dude "~\ his wife! ~\"

The lights go up in the theater and stewie pops onto the main monitor.

Stewey "Well, the main event is finally over. Id advise you to rent serveral wet vacs for your bathroom"
*all 3 semi-shudder*
Stewey "Id also recomend letting her sleep for a few days. I fell asleep a ways into it, but I woke up just in time to see her head off to bed. There are a few parts of her that are rather... swollen"
Dude "What, like, nastily?"
Stewey "Well, simply put, her hand and... unmentianbles both look like shaved watermelons"
Duo "Damnit man, are you gonna gross us out all night long here or what?"
Ash "Yeah, wheres our wank fuel?"

*stewey fiddles with a few controls and the screen switches to some of the special footage*

Stewey "Heres the uncut stuff. I'll send each of you a tape as soon as I can... well, find 3 blank tapes. I may be a genius, but Im not old enough to have a paycheck"
Ash "Shut up! Kittys on the screen! *drool*"

On the screen, Ryoko is bucking hard, whipping her head back and forth. Every once in a while she stops bucking and her fingers hit overdrive. Minutes pass on and shes layed out on the floor, barely even moaning anymore

Dude "man, just like the good old days of skinimax!"
recorded Ryoko "Oh, tenchi! Tenchi, tenchi, tench.. ch... cho... DUO!"
*Duo goes completely pale*
Duo "She... she called out my name... Does this mean?"
recorded Ryoko "Duo! Duo, duo , du..., du... dude!"
*The dude gets a big shiteatin grin on his face and chugs from a bottle that was resting out of view*
recorded Ryoko "Dude! Duo! God yes! Ash!
*Ash beams for a second*
recorded Ryoko "Get Ash the hell out of here!"
*Duo and dude colapse to the ground, laughing insanely. Stewey is no different, except he simply falls out of view on the monitor*
Ash "Thats... thats not fair..."

We pull away from the burnt out hull of the deathstar as Duo, the Dude, and stewey all laugh uncontrollably. Ash can be heard sobbing every once in a while through the laughter.

Epilouge

Its the next night, Duo has already turned in for the night while the dude and ash have taken to the task of properly storing Sue so he cannot bother them anymore.

Ash "Where the hell should we put him, behind this wierd door marked "Sue Depository"?"
Duo "Dont ask me, Im supposed to "Get you the hell out of here!" *snickers*"
Ash "... fuck you man"

Switch to Duo laying half awake in his hammok, playing the video in his mind over and over.

Duo "She called out my name..."
Voice "Your right about that"

*Ryoko apears over Duo*

Duo "AH! NO! You were listening?"
Ryoko "Thats not all. I knew you were watching me last night too"
Duo "oh shit..."
*Ryoko Smiles and puts her hand through Duos pants*
Ryoko "I WAS geniunely calling out your name too... but I cant believe you spied on me like that"
Duo "What... what are you going to do?"
Ryoko "Watch"
*Ryoko Disapears and Duos pants unzipper, like in that scene from the ghostbusters movie. Duo goes crosseyed and after a few minutes of obvious action, Duo falls out of his hammock. Ryoko reapears, fixes her clothes, and beats Duo to within an inch of his life*
Ryoko "Next time, I'll be angry."
*goes to storm off, then walks back and whispers in Duos ear*
Ryoko "That is, next time you just sit there and watch. Havent you ever heard of helping a damsel in distress?"

An image of stewey takes over the whole field of view 

Stewey "Yes, well. Wasnt THAT an interesting bit of text? Im just here to tell you that I wont be so leiniet next time. If they EVER wake me up again, for ANY reason, Im going to replace them with people made out of tinker toys. Thats it. Its over. GO AWAY!"

*screen fuzzes out*