Damn Ranma lemons! Once again I switched, this time to a Sailor Moon lemon. I seem to have quite a habit of switching lately...I guess I need to screen the lemons more carfully. Oh yeah, true to the tradition, I changed the doors! Heh...that's not exactly a real big thing, but hey, it's something! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- My Quick Disclaimer: This lemon was written by SaraJ. It's being used with permission, believe it or not. Complete disclaimer info is at my site, if you're at all curious. http://www.geocities.com/shadow_archive/ Mystery Science Theater is owned by Best Brains. Anyone want to help me with the rest of the copyright info? Minako, Sailor Venus, Zoicite, Artemis, and Sailor Moon are owned by Toei Animation. The respective characters and copyrights belong to them. Felicia and Darkstalkers are owned by Capcom, copyrights, same deal. Megabyte and Reboot are owned by ATFL, Mainframe Entertainment Inc., BLT Productions Ltd. and Alliance pictures. I'm not really sure about all that, but those are the company names in the end credits of Reboot. Tenchi Masaki and Tenchi Muyo!, Tenchi Universe, and the rest of the Tenchi franchise are owned by Pioneer. Ayla was created by Akira Toriyama. ALL HAIL!!! The Poetry Man is owned by me and my company, Ink Blot Inc. Much thanks to Greg Hawkins for the copyright info for Tenchi Muyo. A million thanks to Bryant (a.k.a. UltraZor8) for the theme song! Thanks to Ben Nunez for doing the fanart of the SoL crew. Thanks to every MiSTer out there for giving bad lemons the riffing they so richly deserve. *** In the not too distant future, Somewhere in outer space, Anime's favorite players, Are caught in a dire place. Trapped by a virus called Megabyte, An evil guy whose game is fright, He put our heroes in his verse, And now he wants to rule the entire universe! All: Let us go, you Bastard!! I'll send them cheesy lemons, The worst I can find! (La-la-la) They'll have to sit and read them all, As I monitor their minds! (La-la-la) Now keep in mind they can't control, When the lemons begin or end, (La-la-la) But they'll try to keep their sanity, (off-stage chorus: Hopefully!) With some help from their anime friends! Anime Roll Call! Zoicite! (Cursed censors!!) Mina! (Don't get me started!) Tenchi! (Why me!) Artemis! (She's Not A Virgin!!) Felicia! (Ahm, Yarn!) Ayla! (Me Sleepy Now!) The Poetry Man! (Sh___t!!!!!) Alex Trebeck! (PowerPuff Girls must Die!!) All: What THE?!! If you wonder how they eat and breath, and other science facts, (La-la-la) Just repeat to yourself it's just a show, So Shut the Fu__ UP! and Relax For Mystery Science Theater, 3000!!! {twang} MST vers. 1.000000015: Mission: Unlikely. Last time...whoo-boy, I think everyone knows what happened last time, but I'm gonna say it anyway, 'cause it's so damn ecchi! The Sol crew riffed a lemon, Fel and Aisha fucked, (yay catgirls!) and Zoicite... well, Zoicite's now in 12,000 B.C., and he's not very happy about it. Plus, me, Reef, and Alysa are finally at NOA headquarters! Time for some Mission Impossible/MGS-style sneaking! This is gonna be fun! Or incredibly stupid... Let's watch, shall we? *** The Scene: The living room (everyone's lined up military line-style in front of the communicator) Megabyte: I'm glad you could all make it. Tenchi: It's not like we have any choice... Megabyte: Did I say you could speak?! All: ... Megabyte: That's better. Now, it has come to my attention that a number of you have either disappeared from the satellite, or like the annoying little man over there... Poetry Man: That's me! Megabyte: ...you've somehow made your way here. To prevent such things, I've arranged for you all to wear special armbands which allow me to see where you are at all times. All: WHAT?!?!?! Tenchi: You gotta be kidding me! Not even Washu resorted to that! Mina: I won't do it! You can't make me! Megabyte: Actually, I very well can. But not at the moment, as the armbands haven't been manufactured yet... *sweatdrop* Megabyte: But rest assured, I will find out what's been going on! And if someone else disappears, I'll be sorely disappointed in you... *Megabyte leaves* Mina: I hate him. Artemis: We all do. Mina: I hate him more than you. Artemis: Stop it. Tenchi: So what do we do now? Aisha's gone, and we're down to five people. Poetry Man: Geez...I didn't even get to videotape her in the shower... Tenchi: O-kay... Mina: I'm gonna kill him... Artemis: Later. First let's raid the fridge before Shadow sends another super-strong super-hungry babe. Tenchi: Speaking of which, where do you think Aisha is? The Scene: Outside Starwind & Hawking Enterprises HQ) Aisha: Huh? Where am I? *looks* Oh...I'M BACK! YAY!!! Gene: (walks outside) What's all that shouting? Aisha? Aisha: Gene! I'm back! Gene: Where the hell have you been? We were just about to go back to Blue Heaven to see Fred! (Jim and Melphina walk out) Jim: Hey Gene, what's going on? Oh, hi Aisha. Melphina: Hello Aisha, welcome back. *silence* Jim: Uh, Aisha? Why aren't you wearing your uniform? Aisha: Huh? (looks down) Oops... Melphina: Oh my... Gene: Guh... Jim: Geez, Gene, drag your tongue back in your head... The Scene: Back to the SoL (Oh yeah, let's just assume everything goes on as normal for Aisha, I gotta give out happy endings where I can.) Tenchi: Okay, so where's Fel? Mina: She's been in her room for the last few days... Artemis: What the hell happened to her, anyway? Mina: I think I know...I'll go talk to her. The Scene: Outside Felicia's room Mina: Felicia? Are you in there? *silence* Mina: Come on, Fel, you can't hole yourself up in there forever. *more silence* Mina: Felicia! Come on, we need to talk! *yep, you guessed it, it's silence!* Mina: Okay, fine, if you won't talk, then I'm coming in! (Mina tries the door and finds that it's unlocked, so she bursts in the room and finds...!) Felicia: ZzzzzzZZZzzzzZZzzzzz... *facefault!* Mina: WAAAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! Felicia: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! (wakes up and jumps straight up to the ceiling and holds herself there with her claws) Mina: Um...sorry. (Fel drops down and lands on her feet on her bed) Mina: Wow, catgirls really do land on their feet. Felicia: Damn right. Mina: So what have you been doing in here? Felicia: Uh...what? Mina: You haven't come out of your room for a while now. Felicia: Uhh...I've been sleeping. Why, what day is it? Mina: Huh? It's Saturday. Felicia: Oh...I think I went to sleep at...ten o'clock Wednesday. Mina: YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR THREE DAYS?!?!?! Felicia: Well, yeah. I go into heat, have sex, and sleep for a few days. Mina: ...I'm not even gonna ask how you survived without water for so long... Felicia: Which reminds me, I'm thirsty! Mina: Riiiight...anyway, you ready to come out? Felicia: *Yaaaww-rrrn, big cat stretch* Yep, let's go! The Scene: The living room Felicia: Hi everybody! *smiles* So, what's been going on? Artemis: Geez, you're chipper all of a sudden. Felicia: Yep! I'm back to normal for another year! Tenchi: Huh? Normal? Felicia: Uh...nothing! Never mind! The Scene: Outside NOA Headquarters Reef: So are we finally going in? Shadow: I think so. I just gotta send somebody up to the SoL, then we can steal that prototype Gamecube! Alysa: Does this mean I have to stop playing Pikmin? Shadow: Yes. Alysa: NOOOOO!!! I love my little babies, and you can't take them away from me!!! Shadow & Reef: O_O Reef: I told you we shouldn't have bought her that game... Shadow: It was better than watching her kick our asses in Tony Hawk. Reef: I guess so... Alysa: Uh, Shadow? Shadow: Ye-huh? Alysa: How are we supposed to get inside? (suddenly...) Guy: Everybody line up for the NOA tour! *sweatdrop* Alysa: How convenient... Reef: Saw that coming a mile away... Shadow: Like I'm supposed to think up a plan to break in...it's NOA, not Fort Knox... The Scene: 12,000 B.C. Commons village (By the way, I'll get back to NOA later, I think you all want to know what's going on with Zoicite) Zoicite: Give me back my pants! (what the hell??) Girl: (runs!) I need to patch them up! Zoicite: (chases her!) I can't go running around in my underwear! It's fucking freezing here! Girl: Your girlfriend doesn't seem to mind! Zoicite: SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!! Ayla: Ayla hungry... Lunatic: I wonder if Magus is around... Zoicite: (catches up with the girl) Look! I'm having a bad day, so I'd appreciate it if you would just give me my damn pants! Girl: You could at least let me sew up the holes! Zoicite: Grr...fine! (Zoicite walks over and sits next to Ayla by the fire, still only half-dressed) Lunatic: Dude, you look like you're having a bad day. Zoicite: Bad DAY?!?! I've been having a bad MONTH! Over the past few weeks, I've had my ass bitten by a dinosaur, a saber-toothed tiger, and a girl! A GIRL, do you hear me?!?!?! Lunatic: Uh, which girl was that? Zoicite: We're not going back, so forget about it. Lunatic: Dammit! Ayla: Zoicite have bad time in Ioka village? Zoicite: You mean besides the lack of hair conditioner, the horrible food, and the heterosexual intercourse? Noooo, it was fine... Ayla: Ioka not Zoicite home. Zoicite home with friends and blue strange man. Zoicite: Except for Megabyte, that makes sense. Speaking of home, where's the next time portal? Lunatic: Hmm...according to the strategy guide...there isn't one. Zoicite: WHAT?!?!?! HOW CAN THERE BE NO TIME PORTAL?!?! Lunatic: Don't blame me, blame Squaresoft! Ayla: Zoicite need Epoch! Girl: Eh? You mean that flying machine? Zoicite: You know about it? Girl: Yeah, this weird guy was asking about it a week ago. He said he was gonna build another one, or something like that. Zoicite: This seems almost TOO convenient... Girl: His lab's about fifty miles east through the snowfields. Zoicite: GODDAMMIT!!! The Scene: The living room of the SoL (Felicia and Mina are sitting at the couch, and Mina's playing Rogue Leader) Felicia: *yawwwwwn* Mina: Grr...argh! Take that! And that! Felicia: Haven't you punished enough innocent polygons yet? Mina: No way! I still have to take down that Star Destroyer! *BOOM!!! Mina: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! HOW COULD I LOSE?!?!?!?!?!?! Felicia: You should've come at the Star Destroyer from behind. Mina: Are you suggesting I ass-rape a Star Destroyer? Felicia: O_o;;; *other communicator beeps* Felicia: This better good news... Shadow: I'll be going away for a few hours-- Felicia: Figures. Shadow: O_o Felicia: Sorry, go ahead... Shadow: Anyway, I won't be available for a few hours, as I'll be...busy. Mina: You're in a strip club, aren't you? Shadow: No! Well...not yet, anyway. Mina: *sweatdrop* Shadow: Regardless, I know Aisha's gone, so I figured you guys could use a temp up there. Mina: Ohhh, no, no more temps! The last 'temp' you sent ended up eating all our food and boffing Fel! Shadow: Yeah, and I have the videotape to prove it...er, I mean, those are all very good points, but this temp doesn't eat. Felicia: ...videotape? Shadow: Er...yeah...the Poetry Man put one in the fridge to keep you guys from...eating the chocolate cake! Yeah, that's it! Mina: Aisha ate all the cake. Shadow: Too bad for him. Anyway, like I said, this guy doesn't eat. And he's pretty strong, so he can take a lemon with the best of 'em. Mina: He better, we still need to recover from Aisha's visit. Shadow: Well, I'll be sending him up in a little while. (quick scene change to Redmond, WA) Reef: What videotape? Alysa: Are you making porn without me? Shadow: No! I just filmed a little amateur catgirl lesbian action! *silence, some drooling* Reef: I wanna see. Alysa: Me too! Shadow: Not now! Well...maybe.........NO! First we get the prototype, then we watch porn. Reef & Alysa: Awww... (quick scene change back to the SoL) Mina: So where's this new guy? Felicia: And is he cute? Shadow: Um...let's just say don't get your hopes up. Mina: It's the Poetry Man's evil brother, isn't it? Shadow: Ew, no! Just wait there, okay? *waiting* *more waiting* *still more waiting* Mina: COME ON ALREADY!!! Shadow: Okay, okay! (suddenly, there's a bright flash, and that whole "character appears thing" happens, and a big blue guy in a shroud appears, and...!) Mina: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Felicia: HOLY SHIT, IT'S THE UNDEAD!!! Shadow: Actually, he already died twice, I think. Raziel: Where has this strange majick taken me? Shadow: Uh, I'll field that question. Mr. Decomposure here is from my Soul Reaver game. Felicia: Wait a sec, doesn't that game feature an undead guy who steals people's souls? Mina: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Shadow: Stop that! And this Raziel is from a game where I didn't attack any humans, so he shouldn't hurt you. (suddenly, everyone comes running into the living room. Raziel gets startled, pulls out the Soul Reaver, and stabs the wall right above the Poetry Man's head) Poetry Man: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *faint* Shadow: The Poetry Man doesn't count. Mina: If you come back and we're all soulless husks of flesh, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! Raziel: This metal domicile houses creatures that are of very strange dispositions... Shadow: You said it, undead buddy. Anyway, I'll let you guys get acquainted. I have a Gamecube to steal! *leaves* *silence* Raziel: Hast Kain passed through this region? Mina: No. Get away from me. *communicator beeps* Tenchi: Now what? Megabyte: I think you know, boy. It's time for your-- *silence* Megabyte: (pointing at Raziel) Who...or *what* the hell is that thing? Raziel: Doth this be one of Kain's followers? Megabyte: Who the bloody hell is Kain? Mina: That's what we'd like to know. Raziel: Thou art the voice of the Elder! (did anyone else notice that?) Megabyte: What are you talking about? Raziel: The temporal portal has led me to this strange place...where hast Kain gone? Megabyte: ...I'm not going to ask how he got here. I just want him gone by the time the lemon is over. Is that clear? Mina: Whatever. Megabyte: Enjoy your lemon, dear subjects. *leaves* Raziel: I require no sustanence from mere fruit. Felicia: This ain't citris, zombie-boy. *Lemon Sign blares* Artemis: My god, that guy is relentless! Mina: Tenchi and me can sit this one out now that the scary guy's here. Felicia: Yeah, right. *grabs Tenchi* Let's go, buddy. Mina: Damn! Wait for me!!! *follows* Tenchi: Why me... Raziel: The Elder wishes us to go inside this 'theater'? Poetry Man: Uh...yeah, whatever gets you away from me faster. Raziel: Then I shall enter, and resume my search for Kain. Poetry Man: (to Artemis) I guess it's just you and me, buddy. Artemis: Not a chance, asshole. *grabs a mallet, and...* *BAM!* Poetry Man: (flies into the theater) NOOOOOOOO!!! *entre* *dog bone* *6, a picture of Tracey being eaten by a pack of wolves* *5, video loop of the Death Star Trench Run scene* *4, screenshot of Nabiki and the female Ranma 69ing* *3, Goku going SSJ3* *2, picture of Indianapolis Charmander with an erection* *1, a big wheel of monterey jack cheese* All: O_O;;; Tenchi: He just can't let go of that Tracey guy... Mina: Use the Force, Luke! Poetry Man: Damn, the boss has some nice lesbo porn! Felicia: Wow, who's the buff guy with the cool hair? Artemis: Mmm...cheese... (by the way, Raziel, Felicia, Tenchi, and the Poetry Man are going in, I just wanted everyone to see the doors in this episode.) >"Revelations: True love at last" > by Sara Jaye > > > Okay, first off, I know what you're thinking. Felicia: "Why can't Shadow send any cute guys?" >If the title of this >lemon is that cheesy, the lemon must be horrible. And you're right. This is a >badly written, cheesy, cliché-ridden, sappy lemon. And...I wrote it this way >on purpose! All: WHAT?!?!?!?!? > > Yes, I wrote an intentionally bad lemon. Felicia: Good for you, now go away and leave us alone! >Why, you ask? Well, like any >hentai, Raziel: What is this 'hentai'? Tenchi: Death incarnate. Poetry Man: Wuss. >I've read my share of poorly-written lemons, Felicia: Then why would you *write* one?! >and written a few of them >myself. Felicia: My question still stands. >Well, I wouldn't say that my lemons were bad, All sans Raziel: We'll be the judge of that. >exactly (Except for the >2-minute orgies, but those don't count. :P), Poetry Man: Two minutes? It takes me longer than two minutes to lube up! *WHAM!!!* Mina: We did not need to know that!!! >but when I look back at some of >my earlier works, such as "Ash and Misty get it on" or "One night in a forest", Poetry Man: Didn't I read one of those earlier? >I realize just what a novice I was...*shrugs* Ah, well. I'm straying here. ^^; > > Anyway, this lemon was actually inspired by an untitled Tenchi lemon. Tenchi: Untitled means Megabyte won't be able to find it, right? Right? Felicia: Um...suuurrrre...whatever you say, kid. Raziel: Thy fear of mere fruit is unfounded, boy. Tenchi: You haven't seen the fruit I've seen... >I only read the MSTed version, but the lemon itself was sappy, full of typos >and grammatical errors, and just...well, bad! All sans Raziel: No shit?! >This lemon won't have countless >typos and grammatical errors, Tenchi: I somehow doubt that. >though. I can't bring myself to sink that low. :P Felicia: Thank god, we'll only have the badly-written sex to deal with. >However, it does have one other thing that's common in bad lemons-a mismatched >romance. In this case, it happens to be Zoicite and Jedite. Poetry Man: Who the hell's Jedite? Felicia: Some pussy general who got put into eternal sleep, according to Zoicite. >Now, I'm not a fan >of Z&J romance, mind you. Mina: Then why'd you write the lemon?! >I merely came up with an only-in-fanfiction theory >that Jedite is in love with Zoicite, but since Zoicite and Malachite belong >together, he never tries to win her. All sans Raziel: Her?!?! >And of course, this is a dub-only theory, >unless one believes Jadeite to be bisexual in the original. Raziel: One does not know what you are speaking of, miss. Felicia: Um...when a man and a woman and another man really love each other... >^^;; *blinks* Damn, >I strayed again. Raziel: Stray from the path, and you may be consumed by darkness. Tenchi: How poetic... Mina: Keep him away from me. >Well, before I forget what I'm writing here, I will leave you >with one final note: Yes, I used the dub names. Felicia: She better not be using the dub voices... >And unlike in my other dub >fanfic/lemon ideas, I base this thing from the actual DiC dub-no 'fandubbing' >for me this time. (You can tell I'm really going for broke here. :P) > > Well, that's it for this intro/disclaimer. Now, on with the show! > >[Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is not mine, it is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, >and DiC. This story is written for entertainment purposes only, Tenchi: Then why is my head throbbing? >please do not sue >me. This story contains Felicia: Bad sex. Tenchi: Horrible dialogue. Poetry Man: Titties!!! Raziel: This is a tale of horror? Mina: It's horrifying alright. >strong language and adult content. It should not be read >by those under 18 and/or those who are offended by such things. Felicia: What about a dead guy? >If you do not like >this kind of thing, do not read this and then bitch that you were offended, or >there will be hell to pay. But if you do enjoy this stuff and/or are 18 and older, >enjoy!] > > > ~ > > It was a dark, quiet night in the Negaverse. > Felicia: (Beryl) Yodel-a-yodel-a-yodel-a-hee-hoo! >Everyone was asleep except for Zoicite. Poetry Man: (Zoicite) I don't care if she is our queen, if she yodels one more time...!!! >She was lying awake in bed thinking >about something. Felicia: (Zoicite) I'm gonna smother those damn censors with my tits... >Or rather, someone. Sighing, she looked over at Malachite, >who was Poetry Man: Drawing a happy face on his belly button. Mina: (Zoicite) Dammit, I told you to stop doing that! Tenchi: (Malachite) But it's so happy! >out like a light next to her, and began to wonder Poetry Man: (Zoicite, thinking) If I smothered him, would that stop his GODDAMN SNORING?!?!?! Mina: Quiet, or I'll sic the dead guy on you. >about their love. Raziel: Love for humans is fleeting, much like their own brief lives. Mina: Get the hell away from me. >She knew that they cared deeply for each other and had always been close. >But at times, like right now, she wondered if it was true love. Raziel: True love is most volatile, but most precious. Mina: ........WHY WON'T YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME?!?! Felicia: Geez, what crawled up your dress? Mina: There's a fucking DEAD GUY sitting next to me!!! Felicia: And the Poetry Man's sitting next to me, but you don't see me bitching. Poetry Man: Hey, wanna show this author some real lovin', catbabe? *WHAM!!!* Felicia: (to Mina) Wanna switch seats? Mina: A dead guy...the Poetry Man. A dead guy...the Poetry Man. Some choice... >'Of course >it is,' she reminded herself, almost scoldingly. Sure, Malachite was rather >cold to her at times, Poetry Man: A little tit action will warm him up! Mina: Don't make me kill you... >and flirted with other girls, Tenchi: Isn't Malachite gay? Mina: Remember, this is the dub. Tenchi: So all it takes to be straight is an American voice? Mina: And a lot of editing. >but even so, she knew he >loved her...or at least cared for her. But still...she felt as if there was >something missing. Then her mind shifted to someone else...Jedite. Felicia: Does that sound like a mini Jedi to anyone else? All sans Raziel: Yes. Felicia: Good, then I'm not going crazy yet. >Ever since >3 days ago, when he had come out of his eternal sleep, Tenchi: If it's called "eternal sleep," why'd he come out of it? Felicia: Stupid plot point. Tenchi: Ohhh. >she couldn't help >noticing him looking at her a bit strangely Tenchi: (Jedite) You have a duck on your head. Felicia: (Zoicite) You don't say... >...almost longingly. Tenchi: (Jedite) That duck looks delicious... >Suddenly, she >flashed Felicia: And was promptly arrested and killed. >back to earlier that day, after the latest battle against the Sailor >Scouts. Tenchi: Let me guess, they lost? Mina: Damn right they did. >When she had sensed someone watching her and Malachite kissing under >the cherry trees. Mina: We're fighting monsters and those two are kissing?!?! Felicia: Maybe we can get the dead guy to knock some sense into them. Raziel: Murder of the innocent would make me a monster of Kain's type. Felicia: Uh...whatever. >'It WAS him,' she thought. She mentally kicked herself Felicia: Oh no, don't do that! Mina: Yeah, let us do it for you! >as she remembered the look on his face... Felicia: (Jedite) I wish I had breasts like that... Poetry Man: One guy with tits is confusing enough! >the loneliness in his eyes. How could >she have done that? Mina: What, kiss her boyfriend? Tenchi: How dare she?! >'Oh well,' she thought. No use dwelling on it. After all, >Malachite was her boyfriend, Jedite should be able to accept that by now. Felicia: Sure, considering they were never involved before, or never even met in the series. >She >sighed again, and tried to get some sleep. Poetry Man: (Malachite) *HONK!* Felicia: (Zoicite) AAAAHHH!!! >Half an hour later, though, she was >still awake. Poetry Man: (Malachite) *HONKHONKHONKHONKHONK!!!* Felicia: (Zoicite) I don't care if he is my boyfriend, that's gotta stop!!! >"Well, looks like I'm not sleeping tonight," she mumbled. Poetry Man: (Zoicite) Unless...I took this pillow, and-- Mina: NO! *whap!* >Quietly, >she got out of bed, Poetry Man: Grabbed a pillow--! *WHAM!* Mina: Knock it off! Raziel: The violence of your species rivals that of the vampires. Mina: Yeah, well, he deserved it. >slipped her robe on, and walked outside onto the balcony >to look at the stars in the night sky. Mina: What night sky? The Negaverse is just a big black space. There aren't even any buildings. >Thinking again about Jedite...suddenly, >she found herself longing for him. Longing for him to touch her, longing to be >held in his strong arms... Tenchi: Longing for him to fix that leaky sink in the kitchen... >"Bad Zoicite!" Felicia: Quit humping that man's leg! >she hissed under her breath. What was >she thinking? She already had a lover, why was she fantasizing about Jedite? >"Damn, love is so confusing sometimes," she muttered. Raziel: The oddities of love mean nothing beyond the grave... Mina: Get away from me. > > Jedite, meanwhile, was lying awake in bed as well. He appeared to be >asleep, Felicia: But he was really cataloging his bottlecap collection. >as his eyes were closed, but he was unable to stop thinking. Tenchi: (Jedite) If the sun burns out in twenty billion years, then I won't be able to get a date to the prom! Wait...what prom? Aw, crap, I have to get Queen Beryl to start a prom before the sun explodes! >About >earlier, when he had spied the love of his life kissing another under the >cherry trees. Felicia: So he's in love with Malachite too? Mina: Very funny. >"I knew from the beginning she had a boyfriend, so why do I still >feel this way?" Felicia: Because you're a big gay bastard. Poetry Man: Another one? >he wondered aloud. Suddenly he felt like a jerk. Malachite was >Zoicite's lover, she had every right to kiss him. All sans Raziel: That's what we're saying! >So there was no use being >upset about it. Raziel: The matters of the living will become unimportant if I do not stop Kain... Mina: Would you shut the hell up already?! >He repeated this to himself, and tried to go back to sleep. >But the more he tried, the harder it was. Felicia: If you stop touching it, it won't be so hard. Mina: Errrrghh... >He couldn't get Zoicite out of his >mind. She Felicia: He. >was the most beautiful woman Tenchi: Man. >he'd ever known (aside from a raven-haired >girl he'd once courted)...those pretty green eyes, that long, shiny golden hair, >that smile... Felicia: That big cock... *everyone sans Raziel stares at Fel* Felicia: Oh, knock it off. >"Gods, I love her," All sans Raziel: HIM!!! Raziel: Are all mortals as confused with their gender as him? Mina: This is a special case. >he sighed. He felt so frustrated. He knew she >already had a love, and that he could never have her. Yet he still felt this way. Poetry Man: Hit yourself in the head with a hammer, that feeling will go away in no time. >Sighing, he slipped Poetry Man: Cracked his head on the toilet and bled to death on the floor. *BAM!* Mina: Ew, no! >out of bed. Maybe a walk would clear his mind. He grabbed >his jacket and put it on as he headed outside, shivering slightly in the cold >night air. Felicia: I'm outta here, I gotta pee. Tenchi: I need to eat... Mina: I need a shower... Poetry Man: I think I'll join you! Mina: Hey dead guy, it's Kain in disguise! *points at the Poetry Man* Raziel: Thou shalt not survive, monster!!! *soul reaver pops out, and there's chasing!* Poetry Man: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *runs around the theater* Mina: Okay, it's safe, let's go. Felicia: That was mean. Mina: So? Felicia: Good point. *egress...except for Raziel and the Poetry Man* (You think I've left the plot stuff alone long enough? Yeah, I thought so.) The Scene: Inside NOA Headquarters Tour guide: And this hallway contains the rest of the offices for our junior vice presidents in charge of advertising. Alysa: Urge...to kill...RISING...! Reef: Oh, stop that! Shadow: Come on, let's get out of here before I die of boredom. (everyone drops behind the rest of the group and sneaks away while the tour guide drones on...) Tour guide: And here we have a water fountain! Isn't it a lovely water fountain? (meanwhile...) Shadow: Come on, you guys, hurry up! Reef: Quit talking so loud, you wanna get caught?! Alysa: I should've stayed in California... Reef: We could've stayed with the tour group, y'know! Shadow: Not if we want to get that Gamecube. Reef: But they had snacks! Shadow: I'll buy you some Pringles later. And aren't you supposed to be the lookout? Reef: Yeah, yeah... *peers around a corner* Shit, a guard! Shadow: I got this one. Reef: You better know what you're doing... Shadow: Don't worry, I've got a plan. (Shadow sneaks up to the guard, step by step, inch by inch, until suddenly...) Shadow: *takes a deep breath* MAYONNAISE!!! Guard: AAAAAHHHH!!! *BASH* *STOMP* *BAM* *PING* Alysa: Phew... Reef: (to Shadow) Uh...mayonnaise? Shadow: Sure, mayonnaise. Reef: Why mayonnaise? Shadow: Why not? Alysa: He's got a point. Reef: Sadly, yes... Shadow: Oh, don't be like that. Come on, we gotta get out of here before more show up. *walk walk walk* *walk walk walk* *walk walk--* Alysa: We are so lost. Shadow: Oh, shut up. The Scene: 12,000 B.C., the snowfields Zoicite: It's cold... Lunatic: It's really cold... Ayla: You too soft! Ayla strong! Ayla not cold! Zoicite: How can you not be cold?!?! You're wearing less than any of us! Lunatic: Yeah...hehehe... Zoicite: Don't make me hurt you. (to Ayla) Hey, how far have we walked? Ayla: We go 20 unga's. Zoicite: ...and how much is that in miles? Lunatic: You mean kilometers? Zoicite: Don't give me that metric shit! Lunatic: Here, check this! (whips out caveman/English dictionary) Zoicite: Where the hell were you keeping that? Lunatic: Right where you weren't looking. Zoicite: Of course... *thumbs through it* Let's see here... Lunatic: Well? How far have we gone? Zoicite: Um...I have no idea, it's written in caveman symbols. Lunatic: I knew I shouldn't have bought it really-really-really-really-really used! Zoicite: ~_~ Shit...I can't go on...I can't fly in this weather, and I certainly can't walk... Ayla: Ayla carry Zoicite? Zoicite: You can do that? Ayla: Zoicite relax, Ayla strong! *grabs Zoicite, hoists him up, and runs across the snowfields like a bat out of hell!* Lunatic: Wow, she *is* strong! ...............HEY, WAIT FOR ME!!! *runs!* The Scene: The living room of the SoL Mina: Wow... Felicia: What? Mina: Without Megabyte or that Poetry nut, this place is pretty peaceful. Felicia: Yeah...but you know what they say... Mina: What does who say? Felicia: Just when you don't expect it, that's when they strike! Mina: They who? (suddenly...) Megabyte: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?! Mina & Fel: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Felicia: Holy shit, I didn't think that would work! Megabyte: I repeat...what are you people doing?! Why aren't you in the theater?! Mina: Bathroom break. Megabyte: Grr...I don't appreciate these interruptions! And where is that strange decomposed person?! Mina: He's in the theater, trying to kill the Poetry Man. Megabyte: Excellent... Felicia: Don't get too excited, that guy's a fast runner. Megabyte: That is beside the point! All of you get back in the theater and finish reading that lemon! Mina: Okay, okay, don't get excited, you're turning fuschia. Megabyte: Just get in the bloody theater. *Lemon Sign blares!* Artemis: Yawn...huh? Oh, you got Lemon Sign! *muttering* And I don't! Hehe! Mina: You'll pay for this, slacker! *entre* *dog bone* *6, a picture of Tracey being eaten by a pack of wolves* *5, video loop of the Death Star Trench Run scene* *4, screenshot of Nabiki and the female Ranma 69ing* *3, Goku going SSJ3* *2, picture of Indianapolis Charmander with an erection* *1, a big wheel of monterey jack cheese* Raziel: You shall be extinguished, minion of Kain! Poetry Man: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Mina: Wow, he *does* run fast. Poetry Man: Wait, that's it! (stops, turns around, and then...) (suddenly...) Announcer: It's the Poetry Man! Poetry Man: Death comes but once, For some it comes but twice For some, death is quite nice For me, I prefer life With TITTIES!!! BIG TITTIES!!! Boingy, baby! (Raziel stops, lets out an eerie moan, then evaporates!) Mina: What...the hell? Felicia: Oh my god, the poem killed him! Shadow: No, he's in the Spectral Realm. See, when Raziel loses enough health, he gets transported to the Spectral Realm, and has to regenerate before coming back to the corporeal plane. *silence* Mina: Why are you here? Shadow: Huh? Whoop! *leaves!* *more silence* Felicia: Hmm...it seems like someone's missing... Mina: Huh? TENCHI!!! *bangs on the doors, but of course they're locked* Felicia: Down, girl! *drags Mina to her seat* Mina: Tenchiiiiiiiii!!! > > As he was walking, Poetry Man: He tripped and died. Felicia: Yay! >though, he noticed that he was not the only one awake >at this hour. Felicia: (Jedite) Hey, there's someone else awake! Must...kill... >As he got a better look, he saw Zoicite standing on the balcony >outside her window, only in her robe. She looked so beautiful. Jedite's heart >began to beat faster Poetry Man: Then it exploded out of his chest! Mina: *whap!* Don't start! >as he walked over. Just then, Zoicite noticed someone >standing outside her window. Mina: (Zoicite) Oh no, it's that perv again...maybe a vat of boiling oil will get rid of him! >Rubbing her eyes, she stepped forward a bit to get >a better look. Felicia: And promptly fell off the balcony. > > "Jedite?" She was very surprised to see him, Poetry Man: Especially as she was falling to the ground. >especially because she'd >just been thinking about him. "Zoicite..." he whispered. Felicia: (Jedite, whispering) Damn clumsy bitch... >They stood in silence >for a few moments. Finally, Zoicite said, Mina: (Zoicite) OWWWWWWWWWWW!!! SON OF A BITCH, THAT HURT!!!!!! >"Jedite, please come up here." Poetry Man: (Jedite) You mean down there on the ground? Mina: (Zoicite) Oh, shut up and get on the balcony. >Jedite >did as he was told, and reluctantly met her gaze. Poetry Man: (Jedite) Are you gonna come up here too? Mina: (Zoicite) Must...control...Fist of Death! >And again there was silence. >Zoicite looked at him. 'Gods, is he handsome...' Felicia: (Gods) No, you've been inhaling paint thinner all day. >she thought, then mentally >slapped herself. Poetry Man: Then a safe mentally fell on her. Mina: *glare* >'Remember Mina: (Zoicite, thinking) Don't fall off the balcony, don't fall off the balcony... >Malachite,' Poetry Man: Malachite's gonna push her off? Felicia: He will if he catches her with Jedite. >her mind scolded her. Jedite was wondering >why she called him up here. Mina: (Jedite) Why'd you call me up here? Felicia: (Zoicite) I need someone to keep me from falling off again. >In his dreams, she would call him up to Mina: Repair the railing on the balcony. >confess her >love for him. But only in his dreams. How he wished it was reality. But as long >as she was in love with Malachite, it could never be. Feeling himself begin to >get depressed, Poetry Man: He leapt off the balcony! Mina: I'd hit you, but that was too easy to let go. >Jedite looked away from her. Poetry Man: (Jedite) I'm gonna jump now. *pause* Aren't you going to stop me?!?! Felicia: (Zoicite) If it didn't kill me, it ain't killing you. >Then Zoicite spoke again. Felicia: (Zoicite) You want me to push you? Mina: You think we're overdoing these jokes? Felicia: Nah. They haven't gotten to the sex yet, anyway. >"Jedite, >I-" she began, but he stopped her. Even if it was too risky, he had to tell her. >"Wait...before you say anything, I must tell you this." Poetry Man: (Jedite) I'm the one that's been weakening your balcony. Mina: (Zoicite) You bastard! >Zoicite blinked. All: *blink* *blink* >His >heart pounding faster and his palms sweaty, he drew in a deep breath and stepped >closer, taking her hands in his. "I...love you, Zoicite. I have since the day we >met, Poetry Man: (Jedite) When you kicked me in the balls for staring at your crotch. Mina: (Zoicite) Why were you doing that, anyway? Poetry Man: (Jedite) I was wondering what was under there. Mina: (Zoicite) Cursed censors! >and since then you are always on my mind and in my heart," he said. Zoicite >nearly fell over, Poetry Man: *takes a deep breath* Mina: Don't, it's too easy. Poetry Man: *sighs* >she was so shocked. Jedite continued. "But...I know you already >have a lover, and I won't stand in your way. I just needed to tell you." That said, >he let go of her hands Poetry Man: And she plummeted to her doom. Mina: Still too easy. >and looked away. Zoicite felt as if her heart was going to >break through her chest. He LOVED her? She had been agonizing over her feelings >for him and her relationship with Malachite the whole night, and at that moment, >she realized it. Felicia: (Zoicite) I need to move into a single-story house! >She did care about Malachite, but only as a dear friend and a >teacher. It was Jedite she truly loved. How could she not have seen it all this >time? "Jedite..." she began, but this time, he cut her off by taking her hands Poetry Man: He cut off her hands?!?!? *pause* Wait, read that wrong, never mind. >in his again and drawing her closer. "Just...let me have this one moment to remember. >Please," he whispered. With that, he took her Felicia: Wallet. >in his arms and pressed his lips >against hers, giving her a long, deep, passionate kiss. To his shock, Zoicite >wrapped her arms around his neck and Mina: Choked him to death and took her wallet back. >kissed him back with the same passion. This >kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but was only about a minute. Felicia: Just enough time for Malachite to wake up and fry them both. >Right >then, Zoicite knew it was true love, and it felt wonderful. Finally, they pulled >back and looked deep into each other's eyes. "Jedite, I have longed for you to >touch me, to hold me in your strong arms for a long time now," she whispered. Felicia: (Jedite) What's that? Speak up! >"Zoicite...does this mean...?" Jedite looked at her, his eyes shiny. Felicia: (Zoicite) Did you get into my eye polish again? Mina: .......EWW! >"I love >you, Jedite. I have for a long time now, I just didn't realize it until tonight," >she whispered, her soft green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Jedite could not >believe this. Was he dreaming again? Zoicite smiled and pinched him on the arm, Poetry Man: Then threw him off the balcony! Mina: Okay, I think we're overusing that now... Poetry Man: Aww, don't take away my baby! >as if she knew what he was thinking. "Ow," Jedite winced. So this was really >happening. "What about Malachite?" he asked. Felicia: (Zoicite) He snores, so fuck him. >"I love him, but he is just a >friend. My love for you is much more than that," she said. Smiling, Jedite held >her closer. Felicia: Then felt the little soldier between her legs. Mina: (Zoicite) Suck on it, censors! Felicia: I really miss him... >"I've dreamed of this moment forever," he said. "As have I," Zoicite >said, her voice so soft she was almost like an angel at the moment. > > "Jedite..." Poetry Man: (Jedite) What? > "Zoicite..." Mina: (Zoicite) What? > > Blue eyes met green as they leaned in again, then closed as their lips >met in a soft, passionate kiss. Felicia: Oh no, here comes the mushy stuff... >Jedite slowly untied the green ribbon that held >back Zoicite's long hair, letting it flow gracefully down her back. Zoicite ran >her hand into Jedite's short yet thick, gorgeous blonde hair. Mina: What about MY hair?!?! Why can't it get some recognition? Felicia: Go have sex with Jedite, that'll do it. Mina: Meh... >They held each >other tightly, Jedite's hands running through her hair, and up and down her >sides. A shiver of excitement went through Zoicite upon feeling the warmth of >Jedite's strong hands through the thin silk of her robe. Felicia: (Zoicite) You tear my robe, and you're paying for it. >She moaned lightly and >hooking leg Poetry Man: Crouching Tiger, Hooking Leg. >onto his just a bit and running her hands through his hair. Jedite >slowly broke the mouth-to-mouth contact and began kissing her neck, his hand >reaching down and gently brushing against her chest. Poetry Man: (Jedite) I love you, censors! Felicia: (Zoicite) Do not...mention...the censors... >"Oh!" his lover gasped. >He blinked. "Something wrong?" he asked, a bit worried. Felicia: (Zoicite) Yes, I sound like a girl and I look like one, too. >"No...you just surprised >me, that's all," she said almost seductively. Jedite smiled. "Just a bit nervous, >I guess..." he said, then resumed his actions. Zoicite closed her eyes Felicia: (Zoicite) Wow, he doesn't look half bad like this! >and let >the sensations slowly take over, moaning as she felt Jedite's warm hands gently >cup her small breasts. All: SMALL?!?! >After a few minutes, she loosened the sash of her robe >and pushed the sides of her robe slightly out of the way. Jedite just stared at >the smooth, pale skin of her bare chest and shoulders, feeling his member stiffen >in his pants. Mina: (Jedite's pants) Oh no!! The beast is loose! Run for your threads! >Zoicite shivered a bit, goosebumps appearing on her naked skin. >"Maybe we better go inside," she suggested. Poetry Man: (Jedite) Yeah, let's go inside, WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!!! >"Yeah, this balcony is no place >for..." Mina: Falling? It's perfect for that! >Jedite began, then blushed. "That is, if...you want to." Zoicite nodded. >"Yes," she whispered. Felicia: (Zoicite) But first, let's kill Malachite! >Jedite smiled, then lifted her into his arms. He then >teleported to the ground below and carried her to his room. All: Awww... Mina: Now we can't make fun of Malachite... > Once inside, he lay her down on the bed and kissed her again, sliding >his hand inside her robe and squeezing her breasts. Poetry Man: (Jedite) Honk, honk! Felicia: (Zoicite) Stop that... >Zoicite moaned, then after >a minute broke the kiss. "Let's even things out just a bit," she laughed as she >slowly began to remove his jacket. She pulled it off and tossed it onto a chair, >then gasped a bit as her eyes took in the sight of Jedite's bare-chested form. Felicia: (Zoicite) Geez, no wonder you're the only general Beryl hasn't fucked... Poetry Man: Ohh, harsh! >Gods, was he handsome! Mina: (gods) No, he isn't! We told you this already, dammit! >"Wow..." she breathed. Jedite blushed a little as the >golden-haired angel pulled him in for another kiss, her small hands massaging >his chest. Jedite's arms wrapped tightly around her, his heart feeling as if it >would burst. They still could not believe this was happening. Felicia: It isn't, you're hallucinating. >But it was. Jedite >reached down and slowly untied the sash of her robe, then pulled back and slid >the fabric off of her. Zoicite let it fall to the floor, then lay back on the >bed, only in her panties. "You're beautiful, Zoi...even more than in my dreams," Poetry Man: (Jedite) Except in my dreams, you're mud wrestling with Queen Beryl. >Jedite whispered. Zoicite blushed. "Thanks..." she said. Jedite lay down and >the 2 of them kissed yet again. Zoicite could feel the heat growing between her >legs Felicia: That's called an 'erection'. >as her lover's hands massaged her breasts. Jedite slid his hand down into >Zoicite's white cotton panties and felt Poetry Man: A great big dick! *WHAM!!!* Mina: Grrr... Felicia: You were thinking it too, huh? Mina: Shut up. >the lips of her now-moist pussy. Zoicite >shivered in pleasure and broke away from his lips. "Ohh Jedite..." she moaned. >He responded by slipping 2 fingers into her, probing at her inner walls, his >thumb rubbing her clit. He moved his head down and began sucking Mina: Anyone makes a gay reference, they get a mallet in the brain. Fel & Poetry Man: Awww... >lightly at one >of her breasts, causing Zoicite to moan louder. She moved her hand down and >began rubbing Jedite's erection through his pants. Jedite groaned and pushed >his fingers deep inside Zoicite's vagina. Finally, Zoicite couldn't stand it >any longer. She wanted Jedite inside her that very moment. > > "Jedite!" she cried out. Felicia: (Zoicite) I want you inside me this very moment! Mina: Stop stealing from the narrative. >Jedite looked up from her tits and slowly began >to remove his fingers from her. "Yes?" he asked. "Please...I need to feel you >inside me right now. I can't stand it any longer," Felicia: Hey, why does she get to steal from the narrative? >she whispered. Jedite himself >felt as if he wasn't going to last longer. He kissed her lightly on the forehead >and gently lay her back, pulling his pants and boxers off in one swift motion. >Zoicite gasped as the size of Jedite's cock. "I've never seen one that big!" she >commented. Mina: Let's see...he's seen Malachite's, and... Felicia: Well, there was that one website we found together... Mina: O_O ...I'm not gonna ask, I'm not gonna ask... >Jedite blushed. "Thanks," he said as he slowly slid off Zoicite's >panties. He positioned himself above her, a bit nervous, knowing she was a virgin. >"Now, this may hurt a little, Poetry Man: (Jedite) What am I saying, 'may'! Felicia: (Zoicite) OOWWWWW!!! Why didn't I let Malachite do that the last fifty times he tried... >Zoicite...but just relax. I'll try not to hurt you >too much," Mina: (Zoicite) You're not being very reassuring! >he reassured her. Mina: (Zoicite) I stand by my nervous statement. >Zoicite was also pretty nervous, Mina: Now that's scary... >knowing her first >time would be a bit painful, but she nodded. "Okay. But I know you won't hurt me >too much," she said, smiling. Slowly, Jedite eased his rock-hard penis Poetry Man: Hard as, say, an Onix? >into her. >Zoicite cried out a little Felicia: (Zoicite) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Poetry Man: (holding his ears) Owww! Shit, don't ever do that again! >in pain as he broke through her virginity, and a single >tear slid down her face, Mina: Aww, how sweet...I think I'll throw up now. >but she was okay. Jedite gently brushed it away. Mina: That's it, no more sugar in my tea. >"I'm >sorry. From now on there will only be pleasure, I promise," Mina: Does this sound familiar to anyone? Felicia: Love in the Forest? Mina: THAT'S IT!!! >he whispered. Zoicite >smiled. "I'm okay now," she said. Jedite slowly began to pump his cock in and out >of her pussy, loving how tight she felt to him. Zoicite moaned, Poetry Man: (Zoicite, thinking) I turned down Malachite for this guy?! >wrapping her arms >around him and lifting her hips slightly. Jedite began to pump more furiously, >already feeling himself about to cum. Felicia: Geez, already? Mina: Don't knock it, the faster he finishes, the sooner we're outta here. >Zoicite felt an orgasm building up as well, Mina: Oh, yeah right! Felicia: What about getting out sooner? Mina: Fuck that, this is just unbelievable! >and her hips began to move in time with his thrusts. Jedite pumped in and out >furiously, Felicia: He sure is furious, huh? >holding her tightly against him. Finally, it became too much and they >both Poetry Man: Exploded. >reached climax at the same time, yelling each other's name. Felicia: (Zoicite) Ohhh, Malachite! Poetry Man: (Jedite) Ohhh, Mr. Krispy Kreme! > > "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH JEDITE!" "ZOICITE!" Felicia: A preview of what sex will be like when they're 80 and deaf. Mina: (Beryl) We'll beat those Sailor Scouts...just as soon as I get my Bengay... > > When it was over, Poetry Man: They both consulted a sex counselor for premature orgasms. >they collapsed back onto the bed, panting heavily. >Zoicite rested her head on Jedite's strong chest, listening to his heartbeat. Poetry Man: (Zoicite) If your heart stopped when you came, I bet you'd have lasted longer... >Jedite held her in his arms, stroking her hair. "I love you, Zoicite, my darling" >he whispered. "And I love you too, Jedite. Now and forever," Poetry Man: (Zoicite) But if you don't start lasting longer than two minutes, I'm going back to the snorer. >Zoicite whispered, >pulling the bedsheet over them. They fell asleep in each other's arms, their love >for each other stronger than ever. > ~End~ > > > Wasn't that sweet? *gag* All: *GAG* >Okay, I know I sank pretty damn low with this thing. >But since I wrote it for the sake of writing a bad lemon, who cares? :P All: WE DO, DAMMIT! > > This is actually the first Sailor Moon lemon I ever wrote and finished. I >started on 2 of them, but one I almost completely forgot about, and the other I hit >a block with. ^^;; Too bad my first Sailor Moon lemon had to be such a lousy one, >huh? :P Felicia: Yep... > > Anyway, if you are going to MST or flame this lemon, go right ahead. Mina: Already did, thanks. >But...don't >be TOO hard on me. Remember, I'm just a simple otaku with a crazy mind. ^_^ Hopefully, >my next Sailor Moon lemon will be better than this thing. > > Ja ne! ^_^ All: Sayonara! *egress* The Scene: The living room Felicia: Damn, finally... Mina: TENCHI!!! *glomps him* Tenchi: Uh...hi there. ^_^;;;;; Artemis: So how was it? Poetry Man: I can't believe she didn't use her catch phrases! Artemis: You know what...never mind, I don't want to know. The Scene: Back in NOA headquarters *walk walk walk* Alysa: We're still lost! Shadow: Knock it off, I know where we are! Reef: Fuck this, I'm asking for directions. (Reef spots a janitor and walks over) Reef: Excuse me, can you tell me how to find the Gamecube prototype storage area? Janitor: Yes. Turn to the left. Reef: (turns to the left and sees a big door marked "Prototype Gamecube Storage") Oh. Thank you. Janitor: (muttering) Dumbass... (the janitor walks off, and Reef idly trips him) Shadow & Alysa: ~_~;;; Reef: What? Shadow: Forget it, we're going in! Alysa: Okay, first we just have to break through this giant vault-like door. Shadow: No problem! (whips out a RED BUTTON) Reef: NOOOOOOO!!! *click!* The Scene: The living room of the SoL (everyone's hanging around, waiting for Megabyte's inevitable call, when suddenly...) *flash!* Felicia: What the...? Prophecy: Huh? What the...? FELICIA!!! *runs at her!* Felicia: AAHHHH!!! *honk!* *WHAM!* *FLASH!* (in case you couldn't tell from the trashy sound effects, Fel got felt! And of course the feeler got his ass handed to him, but that's another sound effect.) *other communicator beeps* Felicia: Who the hell was that?! Shadow: Uh, my bad, apparently 'random events' are really random. Felicia: You're very close to getting on my Scratch List... Shadow: Would a Butterball turkey smooth things over? Felicia: Would it ever! *flash!* Felicia: Yummy! *begins snarfing* Poetry Man: What the hell's a Scratch List? Felicia: *extracts her claws* You want me to show you? Poetry Man: Uh...no thanks... Shadow: Riiiiight...anyway, I managed to find a good transmission spot in here, so I called to say I'm gonna be out of reach for a little while. Mina: Wait, in where? Where are you? Shadow: Uh, that's classified. But rest assured, you guys will like what I'm doing when I get done. Mina: O-kay...whatever, just don't launch a nuclear missile at us. Shadow: Hey, that only happened once! All: O_O Shadow: I mean...this isn't the nuke you're looking for... Artemis: Are you trying to Jedi mind-trick us? Shadow: Um...maybe... Mina: Just go, Megabyte will be back soon... Shadow: Alright, see ya! *leaves* *communicator beeps* Mina: Speak of the blue devil... Megabyte: Ah, my little subjects. How was the lemon? Felicia: Digusting. Poetry Man: Confusing. Mina: Romance is dead. That lemon killed it. Megabyte: Excellent...well, there shall be more, and much worse than that. Felicia: There better be. You've been saying that for months, and you've only given us a couple that've been worse than Love in the Forest. Megabyte: Er...be quiet! They shall be worse! I will see to it! *leaves* Mina: I don't care what he finds, as long as I can be with my Tenchi! *hugs* Tenchi: Ummm.... *major sweatdrop* Felicia: Ugh...there was enough of that in the lemon...I'm going downstairs... Artemis: Going to see the weirdos? Felicia: I gotta, I missed last night's show. Artemis: I didn't, I can fill you in on the way. Felicia: Did James really kill Cynthia? Artemis: Nah, there were blanks in the gun. Felicia: Wow! Wait, then why was she bleeding? Artemis: I scratched her before the show. Felicia: Good one! The Scene: NOA Headquarters, the prototype antechamber Reef: The prototype actually has an antechamber? Shadow: Yes, now help me open this vault. Alysa: Shouldn't we turn off the alarms first? Shadow: Oh, come on, that's amateur stuff! We're professionals, we don't have to worry about that shit. Alysa: But...since this is the first robbery we've ever done, doesn't this make us amateurs? *alarm blares* Shadow: You just *had* to say it, didn't you? Alysa: Sorry... Reef: Quick, into the vault! Shadow: Wouldn't we just be locking ourselves in? Reef: Um...I guess so...it just felt like something you'd say. Shadow: Hmm...you're right! Quick, into the vault! Reef: NOOOOOOO!!! To be continued!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Incredible! Aisha manages to go back (though perhaps not forever) while we actually reach our goal! The crew's in for even worse lemons, but how will any of them top Love in the Forest, and the Tenchi Triple-Header? What will Megabyte do with those armbands? Will the crew stand for it? And what exciting plot twists will occur in the SOB? (Soap Opera Basement) Felicia and Artemis watch the next episode of SOB! The Poetry Man finds a new method of making money! Zoicite discovers the secret laboratory in the snowfields!! Mina attempts to go on a date with Tenchi!!! A very special surprise guest star...um...guest-stars!!! Alysa: Wow, a special guest star? Who is it? Shadow: It's a surprise! Reef: No shit. Just tell us, we won't ruin it. Shadow: Well, it's... *whisper whisper* Alysa: WHAT!!! Reef: You're kidding me! That's fucking incredible! Shadow: Yeah, I know! Alysa: This is gonna be great! Yep, it will be! But of course, you'll have to wait till the next exciting episode of: Mystery Science Theater 3000! Alysa: I can't wait! Shadow: Well, you'll have to. Alysa: But it's just too good! Shadow: How 'bout we fuck till it's time for the next episode? Alysa: Okay! *jump!* Kuragari no Hateshiganai no Sensei, Shadow