Subject: [MST][OT] Secret Love Path: lobby!newstf02.news.aol.com!portc01.blue.aol.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!howland.erols.net!cyclone2.usenetserver.com!news-out.usenetserver.com!cyclone1.usenetserver.com!news-east.usenetserver.com.POSTED!not-for-mail From: "Shadow" ducktailsman@shitcity.com Newsgroups: alt.games.nintendo.pokemon.hentai Lines: 784 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600 Message-ID: X-Abuse-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Complaints-To: support@usenetserver.com NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 24 Oct 2000 03:58:23 EDT Organization: WebUseNet Corp http://www.usenetserver.com - Home of the fastest NNTP servers on the Net. Date: Tue, 24 Oct 2000 01:01:04 -0700 It's kind of in poor taste, what with Racso retiring, but I figure, you gotta laugh in the face of adversity. And to help you laugh, here's a shitty lemon, and the flaming that goes with it. ------------------------------------------------------------ My Quick Disclaimer: This lemon is the property of Sumire, and any copyrights belong to him/her (I'm not sure which). This MST is done without permission, if anyone cares. If I get sued, let it be known that I stole a space shuttle and flew off to another planet. I need a better disclaimer... Mystery Science Theater is owned by Best Brains. Minako, Sailor Venus, Zoicite, and Sailor Moon are owned by Toei Animation. The respective characters and copyrights belong to them. Felicia and Darkstalkers are owned by Capcom, copyrights, same deal. Megabyte and Reboot are owned by ATFL, Mainframe Entertainment Inc., BLT Productions Ltd. and Alliance pictures. I'm not really sure about all that, but those are the company names in the end credits of Reboot. Tenchi Masaki and Tenchi Muyo!, Tenchi Universe, and the rest of the Tenchi franchise is owned by Pioneer. Much thanks to Greg Hawkins for the copyright info. I seriously need to learn how to write better disclaimers. If anything, it'll help when I'm writing parody movies for a living. MST vers. 1.000000004: Adding Insult to Injury Prologue In the year of our Spooge, 2345, the virus known as Megabyte escaped from the Web into the real world and took over a space station in an attempt to conquer the Earth. Finding the work of the Forrester family, he has followed their attempts to drive a population insane by exposing them to bad lemons. Using the method he discovered to get to the real world, he extracted random test subjects from old anime series and placed them inside the space station in an attempt to drive them, and the rest of the world, insane. Among these subjects are Minako, also known as Sailor Venus. The original (male) Zoicite, though he has the breasts of his female counterpart. The catgirl Felicia, from Darkstalkers, and the Juraian descendent, Tenchi Masaki. Let's watch, shall we? *** In the wake of the Sonic lemon, everyone felt about as low as a manic-depressive. Everyone except Fel, who was high on catnip. That, and on the refrigerator. Zoicite: Come on, Fel, come down. Felicia: *crazed* NO! Not comin' down! Zoicite: Please? I've got tuna... Felicia: NOT COMIN' DOWN!!! Artemis: Forget it, that plastic mouse has her high as a crack addict on payday. Zoicite: How long does it take for that stuff to wear off? Artemis: The last time I got high on catnip, I woke up three weeks later in Mina's bathroom sink beside a vixen. Zoicite: *deadpan* I'm not even gonna ask how that happened. Artemis: Good, 'cause I don't know. Suddenly Felicia jumps down from the fridge, bolts out of the kitchen, bounces off of Mina's head and zooms downstairs. Zoicite: Damn it! Artemis: Good luck, buddy. Zoicite: Ohh no, you're coming with me! *grabs Artemis* Artemis: Hey! Why do I have to go?! Zoicite: You can talk to her, feline to feline. Artemis: Who do you think I am, Ghandi?! Put me down! Naturally, Zoi holds onto him, and runs down the stairs. Down there, Fel is pawing around the doors, especially doors #3 and #4. (For those of you who didn't read the last MST, [I'll find you, you bastards!] door #3 had some kind of wild person inside, and #4 had the Poetry Man.) Zoicite: Felicia! Get away from there! Suddenly a train goes by from door #1, blocking Zoicite. Artemis: Damn, this place is dangerous! Wait a minute, how'd a train get in here? Zoicite: The same way that fox got in Mina's sink. Artemis: *silence* Zoicite: (watching the train) Come on, come on...damn it, we need to find a schedule for this fucking thing. The train goes by, and Zoi sees Fel scratching on door #3, while someone on the other side is trying to break it down. Zoicite: Fel! Get away from there! Felicia: *whine* I wanna go out! Zoicite: What are you, a puppy?! Felicia: Puppy?!?!?! Where?!?!? I'll kill it!!! Zoicite: Urgh... Suddenly, door #3 splinters, and Zoicite runs up and pushes Fel out of the way, then the door breaks, and Zoi gets tackled by the person on the other end. Zoicite: Help! I'm under attack! ????: Who attacking? Zoicite: Eh?? (he looks up, seeing a blond woman with a fur wrapped around her neck) Uh... who are you? ????: Who you? Artemis: We asked first. ????: *looks down* You woman? Zoicite: What? No! ????: You got big chest. Zoicite: Don't remind me...damn censors... ????: You woman? Zoicite: No! ????: Hm? *reaches down and grabs Zoi's happy place* You man? Zoicite: *high voice* Aack! Yes! I'm a guy! For the love of all that's holy, let me go!!! ????: *moves her hand to Zoi's tits* But you got chest... Artemis: Can we please discuss this later? Now who are you? ????: Me Ayla, chief of Ioka village. Zoicite: Umm....heya. Artemis: Hello there. Everyone hears quiet scratching noises and turns to see Fel scratching on door 4. Suddenly, the door bursts open and the Poetry Man runs out. Announcer: It's the Poetry Ma- Poetry Man: Shut up, you jackass! *looks around* I'm free! Free! And not nobody's gonna put me back in that room!!! Felicia: *groaning* Errr...uhh.... Artemis: Uh-oh... Zoicite: What is it? Artemis: When catnip wears off, the person is usually very irritable... Zoicite: So are we...? Artemis: Yep, we're in deep shit. *Meanwhile, upstairs...* Megabyte: Where is everyone?! Mina: Don't look at me, I don't know jack. Megabyte: I don't care about Jack, I want to know where the others are! Tenchi: Uh, they went after Felicia... Megabyte: Well, they had better get up here, because I have another lemon for you, and if they don't get in the theater soon... Mina: Yeah, yeah, major pain, we know... *Back downstairs...* Zoicite: (to Ayla) Uh, could you get off me? Ayla: I sorry. *gets up* You hurt? Zoicite: No, but I'm gonna be. *points to Fel* Ayla: She look mad. Artemis: No shit, lady. *Lemon Sign blares* Artemis: Uh-oh... Zoicite: Artemis, you keep an eye on Fel, I gotta go before Megabyte activates that weird red light. Artemis: What?! Why?! He doesn't know you're down here! Zoicite: Because I don't trust Mina to be alone with Tenchi. She's still a kid, ya know. Artemis: Grr... I'll get you for this. I'm gonna bite your ears off in your sleep! Zoicite: Yeah, yeah... Felicia: Hmm? *watches Zoi leave* Where the fuck are you going?! Artemis: Oh shit... Felicia: Get back here! *runs after Zoicite, but Ayla steps in her way* Get out of my way! *takes a swing at her* Ayla: Yow! *dodges* You wanna fight? Felicia: Grr... Hell yes! Ayla: Ayla like fighting! *Upstairs* Mina: Hey, where were you? Zoicite: Uh, I had to take a quick shower... Mina: . . . *entre* *dog bone* *6, a picture of Tracey in a bonfire with Oompa-Loompas pissing on him* *5, slow-motion replay of the GameCube Metroid FMV* *4, Gatomon and Kari doin' the nasty* *3, Goku and Trunks going SSJ ala Toonami intro* *2, picture of Indianapolis Charmander with an erection* *1, a big wheel of parmesan cheese* Zoicite: Somebody's been making some alterations to the doors. Mina: Yeah, they made them weirder. Zoicite: Trunks is pretty cute, though. Mina: I'm not even gonna ask about that weirdo with the hard-on. >Ok here it is! Tenchi: (author) My appendix! >My first lousy attempt at a hentai/lemon fanfic! Mina: What is it with us and these first-time authors?! Zoicite: And why do they have to write lemons? Why not traffic reports? >I tried >to use details and stuff. Tenchi: I wish you wouldn't... >I think it's pretty good for a first try =^-^=. Zoicite: We'll be the judge of that. Mina: The penalty for bad lemons is death. Keep that in mind, buddy-boy! >Please send any comments/constructive criticisms to litldedgrl@hotmail.com. >By the way if you are under 18 you shouldn't be reading this!! Tenchi: Then why am I being subjected to his? Mina: Yeah, we're all underage! Zoicite: Maybe we can get Megabyte arrested for corruption of minors. Mina: Nah, they'd never believe we weren't always like this. >If your >mom catches you it isn't my fault! Mina: I miss my mom... >Also please do not take my story and >say it is yours, give me some credit ok? Zoicite: Sure! And when the FBI comes, we'll tell them to be extra rough with you. >Please? Another thing, if the >idea of two attractive teenaged girls having "fun" on the beach is >appalling to you then go no further! Tenchi: That's our cue to exit. Zoicite: My kingdom for a chainsaw! >That is the plot of this story... >(hehe, a plot now that is funny!). All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! >One last thing, I do not own Sailor >Moon and the characters contained within the story of Sailor Moon, they >were created by Naoko Takeuchi Mina: You are not worthy to speak the Great One's name! >(whom I admire greatly!!) and belong to >her and Toei Animation and Kodansha I think. I am not trying to steal >them, I am just borrowing them for this bit of typing space..so PLEASE >DON'T SUE ME! I AM POOR! Zoicite: Poor in spirit, poor in intelligence, poor in phallic size... >Thanks for wanting to read this! Mina: Who said we *wanted* to read this? >--Sumire > >--------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------- Tenchi: Looks like the bread lines in Russia are clearing up. >Secret Love Zoicite: *glances at Mina and Tenchi* Nah, too easy. > >Princess Serenity looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. Mina: (Serenity) Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Zoicite: (Mirror) Not you! Mina: (Serenity) What?!?! Who is it, then?! Zoicite: (Mirror) Uh...that ferret in the corner! >She had >finally grown up a little and now had the beautiful body of a 16 year old. Tenchi: Suddenly she received a call from her plastic surgeon demanding payment. >She enjoyed the stares she got from boys and men, the same stares her mother got. She >was just as lovely as her mother had been when she was 16..only Small Lady was >closer to her 950th birthday. Zoicite: Time flies when you're writing bad lemons. >Today Small lady was wearing a white peasant Mina: (peasant) We prefer to be called royalty-challenged! >blouse >and jean shorts over a bikini, she and her best friend Hotaru were going to >the beach for a swim and some sun. Zoicite: That kid needs it, too. Destroying planets doesn't help you get a nice summer tan. > >Small Lady heard a light Mina: And saw a sonic boom. >knocking on her door and knew it was Hotaru. Zoicite: The dark clouds and the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse was a great clue. Mina: Give her a break, that only happened once. >She >walked over and after opening the door greeted her friend. Hotaru smiled >and adjusted the pack on her shoulder. Tenchi: Trying to hide the hump back there. >"What's in there?" Small Lady asked. >"Oh, just some sun tan lotion, a few towels and a bag of cookies that >Setsuna made this morning," Mina: Pluto can bake? That's news to me... >she almost giggled as her friends eyes lit up at >the mention of cookies. >"Well let's get going then!" > >A short drive later and the two were on the "Royal Private Beach" that all >of the scouts had access to. Small Lady laid out the towels and took off >her shirt. Tenchi: Geez, whatever happened to foreplay? >She grabbed the sunblock Mina: (sunblock) EEEEKK!! PERVERT!!! >and handed it to Hotaru. Zoicite: (Hotaru) I already have a dildo, thanks. >"Hota-chan, could you get my back Tenchi: (Army private) I got your back, lieutenant! Mina: (Army lieutenant) Alright, bring in the big guns! We're gonna recapture that barbeque-flavored lubricant, or die trying! >please?" >"Of course," she replied with a grin. She squeezed out a generous amount >of lotion and began to rub it on the other girl's pale skin, making sure to get >under the thin straps that held her friends bikini top in place. Zoicite: It also allowed her to grope Chibi-usa repeatedly. Mina: *whap!* Stop that! It's not like this asshole is gonna leave out the sex. >After a short >while Hotaru had reached the top of Small Lady's shorts. Zoicite: Suddenly her brain overloaded at the complexities of the 'shorts' factor and her head imploded. >"Um, Chibi-usa-chan...you >need to take off your pants too if you want me to get your lower back." Tenchi: So she has her pants hiked up to her chest? Mina: Either that or she has a really short spine. >"No problem!" Chibi-usa stood up and slowly removed her tiny jean shorts, Zoicite: She starts a striptease and I walk. >revealing even smaller string bikini bottoms. She sat back down in front of >her friend, whose eyes had almost popped out of her head. >"I didn't realize you wore a thong." Hotaru commented as she resumed >applying sunblock to her friends back. Tenchi: (Chibi-usa, crying) Waaaahh!!! You know I was born with a string welded into my ass! >She slowly made her way down to the >top of Chibi-usa's small round bottom, where she stopped. Tenchi: (Hotaru) Is this 'Property of Usagi' tattoo supposed to be here? Mina: (Chibi-usa) What?!?!?!? That bitch!!! >"Hotaru! Why are you stopping? I don't want a lobster-butt!" Mina: (Hotaru) Then I guess you shouldn't have used that transmogrifier. >"Don't you think it will look strange-" >"No one is here but us. Don't worry, just do it." Chibi-usa turned around >and smiled at her nervous friend, "Here, I'll bend over so you can get all >of it." Zoicite: Gah-ah-h.... Tenchi: Is anyone else getting this gnawing feeling of dread? > >As Chibi-usa got on all fours in front of her, Zoicite: If there was ever an incoming sign of bad sex scenes, this would be it. >Hotaru noticed that her >bathing suit didn't cover as much as it should have. Mina: My god, what a shocker. Tenchi: That's what happens when you shop in Le Royale Discount Binne. >She squeezed out more sunblock >on her hands and began to massage it into her best friends buttocks. Mina: Oh god...it's starting... Zoicite: Why can't we get fics with men in them, huh? We should complain to Megabyte about this shit. Mina: You go ahead, but if you mention my name, I'll strangle you in your sleep. >She gradually >moved her way down to the back of her legs and noticed a slight wetness Zoicite: That would be me peeing my pants in terror. >appear on >the tiny bit of pink fabric that covered Chibi-usa's most private part. She watched >the wetness increase as she massaged closer and closer to it. Tenchi: Warning: genitals in fic may be closer than they appear. >Hotaru's finger >slightly grazed the wet spot and Chibi-usa gasped. >"Gomenasai! I guess I just got.careless!" Mina: Okay, I'd really like to know how the author managed that typo. Zoicite: I guess he just got careless. >Hotaru apologized. >"Oh...I see...well, I think it's my turn to apply sunblock onto you anyhow," Zoicite: Suddenly, Chibi-usa realized the sunblock was acidic in nature, a fact that was very apparent when she melted. Mina: Stop that. This is your first warning...your second warning will come with multiple blows to the head. Zoicite: Does that include breadsticks? *WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP* Mina: Yes, year-old sourdough breadsticks. >Chibi-usa said with a big grin. She sat down on the towel in front of a blushing >Hotaru and took the sunblock from her. Tenchi: (Hotaru, whining) My sunblock! Mine, mine, mine!!! >Hotaru pulled her lavender sundress over her >head and laid it on her bag. Chibi-usa stared in surprise at Hotaru's bathing suit. >"I didn't know you had the same swimsuit I did!" >"Well, mine is purple.so Mina: Again with that weird typo. I'm gonna call Ripley's when we get out of here. >they are a little different," Hotaru said with a >slight smile. She adored Chibi-usa and she wanted to be as strong as she was and >have just as many friends, Tenchi: Being a princess helps a bit in that area. >so sometimes she bought the same clothes...just to pretend. Zoicite: Thank god she didn't idolize Steve Case. >"Well, why don't you lay down so I can get from your shoulders all the way >down to your legs and you won't have to move?" Zoicite: Maybe if I close my eyes, I can pretend they're both men. >Hotaru did just that Mina: And nothing else. >making sure to set her legs slightly apart Mina: Slut. >so Chibi-usa >could sit between them. Soon Chibi-usa had massaged the sunblock into all of >Hotaru's back and bottom and was a bout Tenchi: (ref) Foreman's got him on the ropes, but Ali's not giving up! He! could! go! all! the! way! >to start on her legs. She started on the >inside of her thighs and slowly rubbed up instead of down. Zoicite: (down) You bitch! Rubbing that 'up' bastard instead of me! >She felt Hotaru gasp Mina: Anyone else noticing the author has no concept of any of the five senses? >as she began to massage the tiny bit of bathing suit material that covered her. Mina: Where the hell are the undercover Vice officers?! Why doesn't somebody give them the signal!? Zoicite: What *is* the signal? Mina: Hopefully something involving C-4. >Feeling her fingers dampen she grinned. Zoicite: Okay, my mental illusion was just shattered. Time for incoherent ranting! >This was just what she wanted. Zoicite: (ranting) Want?!?! You cannot want! Only I can want! For I am the king of Want, and if you want my want you will want fucking wanted shit! *SLAP!!!* Zoicite: Oof...thanks, I needed that. >Chibi-usa >slid one finger inside of the material Tenchi: Her finger is capable of passing into atomic structures? Mina: I think we oughta just forget all about the laws of physics from now on. >and began to rub Hotaru's clit. >"Chibi-usa-chan! What...are you doing?!" Hotaru gasped. She spread her legs >wider unconsciously as her friend rubbed a little more vigorously. >"Do you want me to stop?" Chibi-usa said sadly. Mina: (Hotaru) Yes! >"No! Mina: WRONG ANSWER!!! >I like it! Please don't stop!" Hotaru gasped out. Tenchi: Can't she do anything but gasp? Zoicite: Maybe she'll hyperventilate and pass out. >Chibi-usa stuck >one finger from her other hand inside of Hotaru as far as it would go. >"Oh!" Tenchi: (Hotaru) I left the oven on! >"Did I hurt you?" Zoicite: No, but you're hurting *us*!! >"No! No! More!" Hotaru began to writhe on the towel as her friend obliged >by placing another finger inside of her and pushing them in and out...in and out, Zoicite: Wow, twice. What endurance. >while her other finger flicked at her swollen clit almost cruelly. Mina: Who in the hell would flick somebody's clit with their finger? Tenchi: Somebody who's tired of the whole 'there's a spot on your shirt' thing. Zoicite: Mina, there's a- Mina: Don't even think it. >Chibi-usa's own >pussy was as wet as Hotaru's and she ached for something. But first she wanted to >finish with her friend. Zoicite: (Shang Tsung) Finish her!!! >"Hota-chan, do you want to feel something even better?" Chibi-usa leaned >up to her friends ear and whispered as she withdrew her hands. She let Hotaru watch >as she sucked her fingers to clean them. Hotaru whimpered for more. Mina: Damn, even Serena isn't this needy. >Chibi-usa >smiled. "I need you to get on all fours like I was when you put lotion on me." >Hotaru got up into the position and waited for Chibi-usa to start. Tenchi: Ten hours later, she realized Chibi-usa had left. >Chibi-usa >slid Hotaru's tiny bikini bottoms down to her bent knees. She stared lovingly at >her friend's freshly shaven pussy, revealed for her alone to see. Mina: Except for the camera crew and the paparazzi behind them. >She leaned close >to it and breathed on it. Hotaru moaned in anticipation...a trickle of wetness slid >down her leg. Chibi-usa breathed in the scent of woman and sunblock and grinned as >she licked up Hotaru's entire pussy. Zoicite: (Chibi-usa) Hm, could use a little salt. >"Oh! Do it again!" Hotaru begged and rocked back and forth a little to >encourage her friend. Chibi-usa reached up and grabbed Hotaru's small but pert >breasts. Her hands sliding up underneath of the bikini top, she squeezed them gently >and rubbed the nipples slowly to stimulate Hotaru further. Then she began to slowly >lick the swollen clit protruding from her wet pussy. Mina: Now she's licking her own clit? Tenchi: I can't tell, my eyes went out of focus two paragraphs ago. >Hotaru rocked slowly as she >was pleasured in ways she had only dreamed of. Mina: She must have some boring dreams, then. Zoicite: I think I'm starting to lose consciousness... *WHAP!!!* Mina: Oh, no you don't! You're gonna suffer just like the rest of us! >Chibi-usa continued to tease the clit Mina: (Chibi-usa) Nyah nyah nyah! Zoicite: (Hota's clit) WAAAAAAHH!! I'm telling on you! >by sucking on it and occasionally nipping at it with her teeth as Hotaru >wriggled in pleasure. Slowly she moved up to Hotaru's entrance and licked around it >gently. Tenchi: My mind is going numb....I can't think... Mina: Shhh...don't speak...just endure...it's almost over... >Her tongue slid inside of Hotaru and licked in and out in and out in and >out. Hotaru suddenly moaned Chibi-usa's name and came on her face. Zoicite: Oh god...it's my childhood nightmares all over again... >Chibi-usa >smiled and licked off as much as she could. Hotaru collapsed to the ground and >smiled up at her friend who leaned over her and kissed her on the mouth. She was >out of breathe and Chibi-usa began to French-kiss her. She tried to kiss back but >was very worn out. Chibi-usa pulled away and frowned. >"I do all of this for you and you can't even kiss me?!" Tenchi: (Hotaru) Well, that wart on your lip is making faces at me... >"I...later...I'm spending the night remember?" Hotaru smiled the biggest smile >Chibi-usa had ever seen on her face. Zoicite: (Hotaru) I'm my dentist's favorite patient! >"Oh yeah! Let's swim a bit to clean up and bring some of that energy >back." She helped Hotaru up and back into her bathing suit bottoms and they ran >(slowly) hand in hand into the waves. Mina: I think we've reached a new plateau for corniness. >"Besides," Chibi-usa giggled in Hotaru's ear, "I have toys at home!" All: PFFFFFT!!! Zoicite: Let's get out of here... Tenchi: Somebody carry me...I don't think I can move my legs... *exitta* Artemis: Hey, where the hell were you guys?! Mina: Where do you think?! Artemis: Forget that damn lemon, I need some help. Fel's unconscious. *Ayla enters, carrying Felicia over her shoulder* Ayla: Weird girl fall asleep. *drops Fel on the couch* Zoicite: Huh? Artemis: Felicia dropped dead five minutes after you left. She hasn't woken up since. Mina: Uh... *points to Ayla* Who's she? And how'd she get here? *the Poetry Man enters from the kitchen with a plate of food* Poetry Man: Don't look at me, I just eat here. Ayla: Food!! Share? Poetry Man: Yeah, sure, have a seat. I got enough to feed an army. *Ayla and PM sit down at the kitchen table* Tenchi: Uh... Mina: Er... Zoicite: It's a long story...no, it's just weird. ------------------------------------------------------------ Come Thursday, expect me to disappear, since Majora's Mask ships that day. At least I finally finished an MST, ne? Back to the yaoi fics, the fanfics, and the secret projects... Uh...did I just say secret projects? Ignore that. I didn't mean it. Really. ... STOP QUESTIONING ME!!! *runs away screaming* The Master of Eternal Darkness, Shadow -- Small Sig vers. 1.1.2 Kuragari no Hateshiganai no Sensei So, me and my penis talked for a while over coffee, and we both decided trying to not masturbate on purpose was bad. Then he spilled coffee on himself, and we both ran around screaming. -Falconeer "My nipples explode with delight!" -From a John Cleese sketch Links E-mail Address terisan_iii@hotmail.com My Personal Archive http://www.geocities.com/shadow_archive/ Current Obsessions (in no particular order) Breath of Fire 3 Chrono Cross (oh baby!) Legend of Mana Rayman 2: The Great Escape Ayla from Chrono Trigger (yes, still!)