Hello! Welcome once again to another Anime Lemon Theater 50001/2! It's about time I got off my damn ass and made epasode 9. Oh well, nothing much else to report....WANKING MONKYES! On to the Disclamer! Disclamer: Todays lemon is Yuffie's Chocobo, writen by EvilRichu AKA: Crunchie. Though not as bad (or as long) as Shadow's "Lust Virus" seires, but's it's up their. And I'm doing this without Mr. Crunchie pants permission. I could have asked him, but...I just don't care. Pyron is owned by Capcom. Batch and Glucose is owned by...the people who own them. Vash and the Small Black Cat is owned by Yasuhiro Nightow/Shonen Gaho-ahs, Tokuma Shoten, jvc. Long copyright, ain't it? Aisha Clan-clan is owned by Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, INC. Worship these people!! "MST3K", the nanites, and anything else related to "MST3K" belong to Best Brains INC. YAY! Harle belongs to Square Co. Lucky bastards. Tora belongs to Kazuhiro Fujita, Shonen Sunday, Shogunkukan. Akane and "Ranma1/2" is owned by Remiko Takahashi. I know a guy who knows her. REALLY! "Hand Maid May" and May is owned by Jyuzo Mutsuki. I don't know anyone who knows him. "Anime Lemon Theater 50001/2", "Satelite of Lemons", and Jace is owned by Wolfvain (yours truly) and Spanky Co. You know when you've been spanked right with Spanky Co! Now on to the backstory! Backstory: After being defeated in his own dimension, Pyron, being pure energy, reformed in this dimension after being sucked through a blackhole. On earth he found the remains of the SOL, some tapes of the experiments, and some nanites (the really, really, really small robots). He went to the moon where the nanites built him a base, a new ship that he named the Satellite of Lemons, and an anime/game character extractor. Pyron studied the surviving tapes and decided to take the idea as his own. So he kidnapped his first prisoner from earth using a ham and cheese sandwich on a string (yes, I know), then he gathered two anime characters from two different shows. Now others have been added. See below to find out who is MSTing and who isn’t. The captives who MST are: The video game and anime freak earthling, Jace. The feline powerhouse and garbage disposal unit, Aisha Clan-Clan, from Outlaw Star. The sexy harlequin and dragon god, Harle, from Chrono Cross. That five hundred year old demon, Tora, from Usieo and Tora. The man who has 60 BILLION double dollars on his head, Vash the Stampede, from Trigun. The non-MSTing captives are: The worst cook in the world, yet a strong fighter, Akane, from Ranma1/2. The mini-bot cyber doll and all around hard worker, May, Handy Maid May. And now on to the torture.... Err.... No, wait, I mean torture. Epasode 9: Say hello to my short Lemon friend! *We return to "Satelite of Lemons" after a...let's call it a vacation, but to the crew it's been a week since there last lemon. They're kinda wondering what the hell is going on.* {[Living Room]} *We look into the Living Room, and we see the crew. They're all alive too,...cool. We see Aisha, sitting upside down, on the couch. Tora is asleep behind the couch. Vash is just sitting in the E-Z Chair. Normal May is dusting the table. Jace is tied up, and mounted on the wall like a stuffed bass.* Vash: *Sighs* I'm bored. Aisha: We're all bored Vash. May: Without Master Pyron, there is nothing to do. Aisha: Jace could have told us where all the fun stuff was, But Akane just had to hang him on the wall. Vash: He's been out for most of the week. *Vash looks around the room. He notes that something is missing.* Vash: Aisha, where's Harle? Aisha: *Rolls her eyes* Why the hell ask me? May: Harle went to take a shower. Vash: *Raises his eyebrow* Shower you say? *The words "Harle" and "Shower" put togeather are powerfull enough to bring anyone out of the unconscious state. If your a horny, insane, anime/video game crazed, fan-boy it would. Luckily, that's exactly what Jace is. Jace's eye opens, knowing what he must do, unknown to the others. Aisha close's her eyes and sighs.* Aisha: Men, all you think about is.... *Aisha opens her eyes to see that Vash and Jace have gone done disappeared.* Aisha: *Sweat Drop* ...naked girls. {[Outside the ship]} *Just outside the airlock is Vash, and has dawned a spacesuit. Attached to Vash's torso is a rope, which is attached to the airlock handle. The window, looks right into the shower which Harle is busy washing her naked body. Soaking h-her b...um...back to Vash.* Vash: *Breaths in deeply* Ah, what a great day in space! Jace: Sure is. *A surprised Vash spins around to see a conscious Jace, also in a space suit. Also with a rope around his torso.* Vash: What the hell are you doing up? Jace: To see naked girls, pacifically Harle. You, on the other hand, should feel ashamed though. Vash: What do you mean? Jace: About to look in on a naked teenage girl. You petafile, you. Vash: I'M NOT A PETAFILE! Besides, she's several thousand years over the age limit. Jace: Oh yeah, I forgot. Vash: *Big Smile* Ready? Jace: *Big smile* Hell yeah. Jace/Vash: Geraonamo!! *Closeing their eyes, they both jump at the same time. Of cource this was a mistake since space has no gravity, so they just keep going up.* Jace: Eat your heart out Dr. J! Vash: (sweat drop) Heh, I forgot the "no grativy in space" thing. *As Vash and Jace slowly float up wards they finally get a good look at the outside of the Satolite.* Vash: *Points to the satellite* Hey Jace, look! You see what what I see? Jace: *Giggles* Yeah! I can see Harle's window, but I can't see inside. Vash: That, and the satolite is shaped like a lemon! Jace: Really? That's good to know. Vash: And knowing is half the battle. Jace/Vash: G.I. Joe! *Now they know about the "No gravity" thing and made an "G.I. Joe" reference, they clime down the ropes. Now they slowly clime down the lemon shaped Satolite to Harle's window. Soon they reach the edge of the window. They're hearts pound with antisapation.* Jace: Finally, the truth shall be revealed! Vash: What? Jace: Fan-boys everywhere all wonder what Harle looks like under that tight costume, that jesters cap, and face paint. *Laughs* Vash: On three. Jace: Five! Vash: Three sir. Jace: Three! *So they peek over the edge of the window, into the shower. What they see though dosn't excite them in the way that they hoped it would. * Aisha: *Holds up a sign saying: Hi boys.* Akane: *Holds up a sign saying: Having fun?* *That's right, Aisha, Akane, Harle (in a robe, has a shower cap on, and has her facepaint on), and MayB are standing in the shower. This would have been extremly erotic, except for the fact that they where all wearing clothes and looked pissed. * Vash: The mystery is still unsolved. Jace: FUCK BUNNEYS! Harle: *Holds up a sign saying: Not zis time boys.* MayB: *Holds up a sign saying: Prepare yourselfs for and orgy of ass kicking. Jace, you're balls will be my personal punching bags. *Slowly, Vash and Jace crawl back the airlock.* Jace: You know, since it's such a nice day in space, let's stay out here for a few days. Vash: Yeah, too bad we only have twenty-seven seconds of air left. Jace: So we either die out here, or in here. *Suddenly, a hole opens up beneath them, and two robot tenticals wrap themself's around Jace and Vash.* Jace: MALE TENTICAL RAPE! Vash: NOOOO! * The tenticals pull them both back into the ship. * {[The Living Room]} Akane: So how did thoes two get out there? Harle: (Properly dressed now.)Ze airlock. Aisha: What airlock? *Harle points to the door marked "airlock" that's right next to the elevator. * Harle: Zat one. *Everyone facefalt's.* Aisha: What the fuck? Akane: Was that always there? Harle: *shrugs* *Just then, the ceiling opened up. Like bungy jumpers with robot tenticals wrapped around their legs, Jace and Vash drop out of the ceiling. So now the two are hanging by their ankles. Their clothes have been ripped to shreds, and tears are streming from their eyes.* Jace: *@.o* Oh...my...god. Vash: *O.o* I'm sure tenticals arn't ment to go up their. Jace: I wanted my frist time to be...non-tentical. Aisha: It seems the ship deflowered Jace. Akane: WHAT! Harle: Congrulatings on becomeing a man. MayB: Now get ready to become my bitch! *Cracks a whip* Jace: *sweat drop* Oh hell. *Just when Jace thought things coulden't get any worce, Pyron appeared on the moniter. Jace knew that he was totaly screwed.* Pyron: *Looks around the room* It looks like all of you have been keeping busy while I was away. Aisha: Where the hell have you guys been, and why did you bother coming back?! Batchs' voice: Technical problems. I could try to explain it to you, but it might make your brain shut down and your implants explode. Aisha: Why you flat chested bitch! Gluecoses' voice: *Gets excited (Verbaly!)* OH! OH! I can explane it! Vash/Jace: Hi Gluecose! Akane/Harle/Aisha: You can?! Batchs' voice: *¬.¬* This aught to be good. Gluecoses' voice: The nanites had a party on the motherboard thing. They had a wet t-shirt contest, and when the water made the board thingy make sparks. Then the computers exploded. *Everyone just stood there. A space crickit chirping in the distance.* Space Crickit: CHIRP, BITCH! CHIRP! Pyron: Dew to that explosion, we lost all the lemons we saved. Except one, and... Jace: *Ignores Pyron* Who won the wet t-shirt contest? Gluecoses' voice: *Giggles* I did. Ted came in second. Aisha: You came in first because I wasn't there. Pyron: ENOUGH! *Coughs* Now it's time for your lemon. Vash: It's not another lust lemon, is it? Pyron: No, but it's up there on the crap-o-meater. MSTing crew: Damnit! Pyron: Indeed. Vash, Harle, and Aisha will be injoying this bathroom tissue of satan. Harle: Hey, wait a second! Pyron: No. *As monitor turns off, the tentacle that is holding Vash releases him. Dropping Vash to the floor like a sack of wet...whatever the hell Vash's race is. He lands right on his ass. Which, after what he's been through, would really hurt.* Vash: *Get's up slowly, and rubs his backside.* Aisha: Nock it off you baby. *The Lemon sign goes off* Harle: *Sighs* Alright, lets go. *Walks into the theater* Aisha: Come on Vash. *Also walks into the theater* Vash: Coming. *Hobbles slowly into the theater* Akane: I'm going to go get a good workout in my room. *Walks to, and gets in, the elavator. She pushes a button and the doors close. * Jace: *Blood rushing toward his head.* Well, at least nothing else can happen. MayD: Heheh, except for me, MayD! Jace: Wh-wha? *Jace looks at MayD. Now MayD is dressed in a tight leather dominatrix outfit. Now she's equiped with a leather whip too.* Jace: *Sweat drops* MayD? MayD: *A wicked smile appers* May-Dominatrix, but you'll be calling me princess soon. *Cloud Strifes' Buster Sword* *6, Tracy being eaten alive by Tora.* *5, Hexadecimal and Dameon fighting.* *4, Gohan giving the final blast to cell with Goku's spirt behind him.* *3, Super Smash Bros.:Melee screen pic.* *2, All the girls from Chrono Trigger and Cross-sans clothing.* *1, A sign reading "Warning: Lemon can cause Blindness and Death.* *Harle and Aisha have sat down. Vash hobbles slowly to his seat.* Aisha: Speed it up Vash! Harle: Yeah, speed it up. Vash: Get you're asses get raped and then see how fast you move. *Vash finally reaches his seat. He carefully sits down, so as not to irritate his ass.* >Yuffie's Chocobo By: EvlRaichu aka: Harle: Maha Vailo? Vash: Slutbum Walha? Aisha: Ass Wipe? >Crunchie, Goescrunch Aisha: In milk. "Bad Lemon Author Cereal", because horny lemon writers will eat anything with suger or caffeine in it. >Email: CrunchieChan@yahoo.com >The disclaimer: Harle: Zis lemon sucks and ze author sucks >I do not own Vash: (Author) My own brain. I rent one from blockbuster. >the characters in any fashion. This is a perverted parody of Final Fantay 7, a cool RPG >game for the PSX by Square. They kick butt. Buy their games! :) Harle: Zen why defile their names by writing zis shit?! >Also, look at hentai Vash: That I shall....as soon as I find Jace's stash. >**Hentai is japanese for pervert, or things of a perverted/erotic nature... ie: Aisha: *Looks at Vash* Jace and Vash. Harle: *Also looks at Vash* Vash: *Sweat drop* >nudes and sexual pics... Jaces' voice: Where?! Vash: Was that Jace? Aisha: *Sighs* MayD must not be whipping him hard enough. Vash: (Gary Coalman) What you talking about Aisha? Harle: Let's just say he's crying "Princess" about now. *Harle and Aisha laugh as Vash shutters a little.* >Yuffie was hopping up and down excitedly Vash: If it was Tifa, she'd nock herself out with her breasts by now. Aisha: Tifa has nothing compaired to these. *Lifts her breasts up* Vash: *Drools* >as Cloud and Tifa brought forth the Harle: Kracken. >pretty new chocobo that was to be hers. Aisha: When she steals it. >"Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, "This is so nice after all that I've..." Vash: What? WHAT DID SHE DO?! Aisha: She got drunk, started to hump the couch, puked on the TV, and then passed out on the kitchen table. Harle: Actualy, zat was you. Aisha: *Angerly* When did I do that?! Harle: Almost a month ago, on that girls night out we had. Aisha: *Blinks* I...can't remember. >Cloud held up a hand and frowned. Vash: (Cloud) You can only have it IF give it food, water, and give it head everyday. >She hung her head, knowing full well he was still a bit pissed from all those times she >had ripped them off. She glanced over at the pretty green chocobo that was standing >by the Highwind. Harle: (Yuffie) I'm going to ride it all night long. >He looked very regale, calm, and like he could outrun anything that would ever >try to harm him. Vash: I don't like the way the author foreshadowed just now. Aisha: I just don't like the Author. >She ran over Aisha: Tom Green. All: YAY! >and began to lead him inside. Vash: And who is she leading again? Harle: Her pimp. >"C'mon DrahEm Kcuf, Aisha: What?! Vash: That's not a name. That's what you say when slam your testacles in the door, then >time to go to your new room!" she exclaimed. Harle: (Yuffie) The oven. >Tifa shook her head and said, "She certainly is infatuated with it isn't she?" Vash: (Cloud) Now she's gonna fuck it, instead of me now. *Whap!* Aisha: Sick bastard. >Cloud smirked, "Face it, Aisha: (Cloud) Justin Temberlake sucks. >she's been a thief most her life. Exactly how many friends do you >suppose she has that would give her something valuable?" Harle: How many friends dose she have period? >Tifa smiled and nodded, her breasts bouncing jovially all the while. Aisha: (Tifa) They wont stop bouncing! They have minds of their own! Vash: (Cloud) Thank you god. >They then followed her into the Highwind. Harle: (Tifa) My breasts are kidnapping me, help! >Later, after a good meal and some drinks, the adults decided to kick back for some rest. Vash: Adults? Arn't they all like 18? Aisha: Nope, Yuffie is the only teen. The others are 21-40. Harle: Why do you know this? Aisha: I found Jace's strategy guides. >Tifa snatched Clouds hand Aisha: (Tifa) Yoink! > and drug him away to some dark corner of the ship, Harle: To suck out ze marrow in his hair. >Yuffie vanished off with several crew members and Barrett, Vash: To sell them on the black market. >Vincent departed to his room to "meditate" alone, Aisha: By meditate, the author means he's putting pipe bombs togeather. >and Cid was left by himself at the table. Aisha: What the fuck do you mean alone? What about Aeris, Red XIII, and the best one of all, Cait Sith?! Harle: Zey must hidding under ze table or something. >He looked around at the empty seats and realized just how lonely he was. Vash: (Cid) Lonelyness is lonely. >He stood and walked over to a window Aisha: And TPed the entire city of Midgar. >to watch the great expanse of land below them flying by. Harle: (Cid) Note to self: Do not screw with the planets gravity...again. >The world, he thought, Aisha: Will kiss my ass! >the entire world was just flying by, and he was alone.... Vash: (sniffels) I know just how he feels. >He sighed and concentrated on the world below him, trying to become one with it. Harle: Jumping out ze window will help. >Movement caught his eye. Aisha: It's the Ultma Wepons. >Below was a small group of chocobos running. Vash: Right into a window. >He then felt this Aisha: My fist in his groing. >strange feeling course through him. Harle: It was the start of his heart attack. >He felt suddenly a sort of kinship to these beasts of burden. Vash: So he must find and fuck them. >He then remembered Yuffie's Harle: She's a Chocobo too, right? >chocobo, DrahEm Kcuf. Aisha: Now thats a name that will get you beaten...well everywhere. Especially by me. >He turned and left for the stable. He entered the Vash: The Lemon Zone. A place not of sight or sound, but of hornyness. >stable and stared long and hard at the pretty green chocobo. Harle: Suddenly, it exploded. >It was curled up and sleeping, a sweet and innocent expression on it's feathered face. Vash: But it was dreaming of rapeing children, eating the hearts of puppys, pimping younger chocobos to Cloud, and triping blind people. >Cid quietly stepped nearer it so as to get a better view of it. Aisha: So he stepped inside it. >He then felt a stirring within, and warmth spreading through him. His face was beginning >to burn, Vash: Suddenly he exploded in flames. Harle: Horray spontainous combustion. >and he couldn't resist the urge to step over and touch it lightly on it's head. Aisha: Sounds like Jace on a Saterday night. Vash/Harle: *Shutters* >DrahEm Kcuf's head jerked up and he Vash: Went right through his chest. Killing them both. >and he chirped softly. Cid jumped ever so slightly, he hadn't meant to wake it >He then stroked it's head once more. Vash: I hope it's the one you talk with. >It nuzzled his hand and Aisha: Bit off his testacals. >warbled neath it's breath. All: What? Harle: Warbled neath? Vash: Did Pyron's computer screw up the words? Aisha: I bet the author is just making shit up again. >Ever so slightly Cid's breathing increased, and his heart rate rose. Vash: The speed was kicking in. >"Such a pretty chocobo," he muttered quietly. Harle: (Cid) You'll look even prettier wiz stuffing and gravy. >He stood up and moved over to where the supplies were on the wall. He took down a muzzle, Vash: Oh hell, Chocobo S&M! >one that was normally reserved for wild and noisy chocobo, and gently placed it on DrahEm >Kcuf's beak. Aisha: (Cid) Now you play the naughty, captured, Santa, and I'll play the horny Red M&M. >He fastened it tightly behind the chocobo's head. A lil too tight, for the poor things >eyes Harle: Popped out of it's head. >misted with tears for a moment. Vash: The Chocobo finaly understood. He was in a lemon, and he was about to take it in the ass. >It stood and looked to Cid. Aisha: Then kicked Cid in the balls. >He stared back at the chocobo for a moment, Harle: (Cid) Maybe it will turn into a big brested slut-girl if I stare at it long enough. >rubbing his abdomen and thinking to himself, Vash: (Cid) Why the hell is my leg shaking? >his thoughts all jumbled into nothing but noise now. Aisha: (Cid's Thought) Shouldn't Yuffie be here? Harle: (Cid's Thought) I zink I'll have steak for dinner. Vash: (Cid's Thought) Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow. Aisha: (Cid's Thought) Am I fat? Harle: (Cid's Thought) Mega Man CAN kick the Termanator's ass. Vash: (Cid's Thought) I could end all hunger in the world, but that would cut into my crack smoking time. >He began swaying and humming. A moment passed, and he turned and pulled out straps meant >for restraining incredibly violent chocobo. Aisha: and Jace. >He then went to work restraining DrahEm Kcuf. Finally it stood there, unable to move or >cry out. Harle: Like Jace. >It looked over to Cid nervously. Vash: Like Jace. {[Living Room]} Jace: *sneeses three times* I guess someone is talking about me. MayD: That means three whippings with a cane of you. Jace: NO! MayD: Shut up! You know you want it. Jace: HELP ME! {[Back to the Theater]} >Cid was now drooling ever so slightly and rubbing his crotch. Vash: (Cid) The Victoria Catalog. >"Lonely," he mumbled, Harle: Was that you Vash? Vash: ...Maybe. >"I'm lonely pretty boy, Harle: When did he get pretty? >are you lonely too?" Aisha: Oh hell. >Cid unbuttoned his pants with his right hand while his left continued it's stroking. Harle: (Right Hand) Lefty? Where ze hell are you?! Vash: (Left Hand) Oh god, make it stop! >He then slid them off onto the floor. Aisha: (Right hand) We're free! Harle: (Left hand) Finally, we can work as hand models. >He stood behind the chocobo All: NOOOOOO! >and ran his fingers through it's lovely green feathers. Aisha: Mmmmm...chicken butt. Vash/Harle: *Sweat drop as they look over to Aisha. Aisha: ...I'm hungry. >He snatched a handful of feathers in his left hand and pulled a bit. Vash: (Cid) I shall pluck his butt bald, and teach him to walk backwards. >The chocobo tried to squawk, Aisha: But it rather rap instead. >and at that time his right hand lead his meaty cock into it's rear. * Vash winces* Harle: (Right hand) Please cut me off. Someone? Anyone?! >It's eyes widened in fear and it's face contorted in pain. Vash: Just like any other male who gets banged in the ass. >It shivered as Cid's shaft tore into it's rectum. In and out Cid went, slowly first, but >then faster, more violent. Harle: Like a cat that can't decided weazer it want's in or out of the house. >Cid paid no mind to the Aisha: Cheese >blood that was seeping out around his penis, he only cared for the moment. Vash: Too bad it had to be this moment. >He felt wonderful, he felt at one with nature Harle: By rapping it in the ass. >and the chocobo. "Yes..." he hissed quietly, his voice taking on a more hateful tone, >"Lonely damn bird!" He gripped it's feathers with both hands and pulled it toward him. Aisha: (Chocobo) Wait! I'm not lonely. I've got a wife, two kids, and several Choco-sluts out in the fields, my wife's sisters, and a 15 year-old slut named Coco at Midgar. Vash: (Cid) YOU'RE A LONELY BIRD DAMNIT! >Green feathers were floating on the air about him. He giggled to himself as he saw them >glimmering in the last rays of daylight. Harle: The last rays of hope fade away as well. >His head was spinning, he felt like he was becoming apart from himself. Vash: What? Aisha: At this point I don't fucking care. Harle: Go to to hell Shadow! Vash: That was last lemon's author, not this one. Harle: ...So? >He felt the warm trickle of the blood going down his legs, and smelled it's arousing scent. Vash: I never found the smell of blood arousing. Aisha: Then you've never been to a buffet on Ctral-Ctral. >"You love me bird..." he cooed evilly. Harle: (Chocobo) I love you like I love having STDs. >DrahEm Kcuf's head was drooping slightly, it was on the verge of passing out. Aisha: What a wussy Chocobo. Vash: Hey, being raped in the ass isn't easy on ANY male. *Rubs his butt* Harle: It's no treat for girls eather. >Cid saw this and grabbed the feathers of it's head and pulled it way back so that he could >whisper to it. Vash: (Cid) You know, I've been thinking about changing the color of the ship. The new color will mach my eyes. Aisha: (Cid) Also, I'm going to stop using a spear. It makes me look gay.