>through the hallway, then up the stairs, one by one, step by step, inch by inch, then >Ranma Vash: Became Jewish. Aisha: (Ranma) My fighting style IS kosher! Jace: I'm sorry, but I'll never join a religion that signifies your 'becoming a man' by cutting your penis off. >walked out of her room and slammed the door into Aisha: Commissioner Gordon. >Akane's face. The last thing she remembered before blacking out was Jace: The Cunt Fairy shoving a twenty in her vagina. Vash: Didn't you call her the Pussy Fairy two or one lemons ago? Jace: Their sisters. >seeing a beautiful pig-tailed girl shaking her, then the pig-tailed girl was licking her >breasts... Vash: (Pig tailed girl) Wait a sec! You're not pudding! >then her stomach...then her... Aisha: Collection of dead bodies. >Then Akane woke up. Jace: To her horror, she was still in the lemon. >And the pig-tailed girl--er, Ranma, was standing over her, looking very concerned. >"Akane, are you alright?" Ranma asked. "You got hit pretty hard." Vash: By a rabid door. > "I'm...fine," Akane mumbled. Actually, she was more than fine. Jace: Not Catgirl or J-Low fine, but damn close. >Now she had Ranma right where she wanted her...split into three people, translucent >and blurry. Aisha: And Moe. >Wait a minute, that wasn't right... "You sure?" Ranma asked again, Jace: (Author) No, so I'll just throw in a horny elephant. > checking the bump on her head. Vash: She found a lost civilization. > Akane's eyes refocused, and now there was only one Ranma...with a penguin on her >head...giving her the finger. Jace: Raping itself with a furbie, while throwing rabid space socks at random people. *WHAM* Jace: *Rubs head* OW! When did you get Vashs' hand? Aisha: Before. > This is getting stupid, Vash: *sarcastically * Really? >so let's hurry it along, shall we? Jace: By all means, do. >Akane suddenly noticed Ranma was all wet. "Ranma, you're all wet," she said, easily >stealing from the narrative. Aisha: She'll get the death penalty for that! Vash: She's in a lemon. That's penalty far worse then death. >"Let me dry you off." "Uh, that's okay, AkanEEEEEEEEE!!!" Jace: Her mom should have never named her while giving birth. Vash: (Tendo) So, what shall we name the baby? Jace: (Mom) GIVE ME DRUGS!! Vash: (Tendo) How about we use that as a second choice. >Right at that moment, Akane bear-hugged Ranma and began Aisha: To execute a German suplex. >rubbing her whole body up and down Ranma's. Akane quickly stifled Ranma's protests with >a hard kiss on the lips. Vash: And a hard, hard headbutt to Ranmas' forehead. >Several things ran through Ranma's mind, including "this is wrong!" and "what the heck >is the matter with her?!" and "what is she doing with her tongue?!" Jace:(Ranma) And is this kosher?! >Then the Lust Virus took over, over, and the only thought running through her mind was >"fuck the bitch," "fuck the bitch," and her personal favorite, "fuck the bitch!" Vash: And now the lemon becomes a gangsta rap song. > Akane grasped Ranma's rather large breasts and squeezed them vigorously. Aisha: *Sings* Really love your peaches, wa'na shake your tree. >Ranma let out an involuntary moan, feeling an unfamiliar pleasure from her chest. Jace: Vicks Slut-o-rub really does the trick! > She'd never touched herself as a girl (believe it or not) Vash/Jace: NOT! > and now Akane was bringing out new feelings and um...emotions, and... all that >touchy-feely girly shit, I don't know. Aisha: (Author) Like I've ever been with a girl. >Ranma felt herself rubbing against Akane, wanting to kiss her and fondle her and feel >her all over...then common sense prevailed. Vash: DUH! He's really a guy! >Actually, Common Sense burst into the room laughing maniacally, picked up Akane, chucked >her out the window, bopped Ranma on the head with a ballpeen hammer, and ran right back >out again. Jace: See Aisha, this is what happens when you mix anime with American animation. >Now Ranma was very putout. Vash: (Saotome) You'll stay outside till you stop saying 'Kosher'. >Not so much as Akane, who was now floating in the pond out front. Aisha: Now very dead. > Ranma quickly straightened her outfit and composed herself, >then got the hell out of there. Aisha: (Ranma) I'm gonna get the hell out of this lemon! > She figured a good long walk would help cool her down and repress the memories. Vash: What memories? >"Where are you headed off to?" Nabiki asked as Ranma walked past her. "N-n-nowhere >special," Ranma sputtered. "Well, Kasumi's making tempura and rice, Aisha: Rice? RICE!? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE THINKING?! Jace: Uh? Is there a problem? Aisha: You can't use rice with tempura! It's noodles, NOODLES! YOU BASTARED! > so I'd advise you come back in time for dinner, or you'll be making ramen for one >again." With that, Nabiki stood up and went to her room. Ranma started to go outside and >got one foot out the door when suddenly! Jace: WHAT!? What happened 'suddenly'?! I MUST KNOW! >Yep, you guessed it, Vash: The answer is C? Aisha: Jean really is keeping the secret of the Layline from me!? Jace: There is a rabbit on the moon that makes pills of everlasting life? >the Lust Virus took hold. Ranma tried to fight it, using all his martial arts training >to bash down the hormonal urges she was feeling. She ran to the kitchen and dumped cold >water on herself, poured ice cream down her pants, and lots of other stupid ideas! Aisha: Let alligators nibble on her arm pits. Vash: Shoving herself into the freezer. Jace: Watching "Freddie got fingered". >Finally, after smacking herself repeatedly in the head with the ice tray, Vash: She turned into Drew Carry. > the lemon gods got sick and tired of this shit and smacked me one, Aisha: About damn time. >then the virus suddenly took over. Gee, what a coincidence... Now Ranma wanted Akane. >Her hormones drove her to madness, then drove her back after picking up a souvenir hat >and a churro. Jace: They picked up a big-breasted singer? Vash: That's Charo, not churro. >Ranma began formulating a plan...a plan for sex! First, she needed girls...slutty girls. >Then she needed Viagra...no, wait, Vash: (Author) This is my plan for sex. >Ranma's a girl, so she doesn't need Viagra Aisha: Girls in Lemons are horny twenty-four seven. Jace: I wish I lived in a lemon. *looks at Aisha* Aisha: Not a chance in hell, Jace. >(I'm not writing a hermaphrodite scene...just yet.) All: Fuck bunnies! >Then it hit her! Aisha: (Announcer) And Mike Tyson lands a fatal blow on Ranma. Mike wins by T.K.O three seconds into the first round. >A baseball! Damn neighborhood kids. Jace: (Ranma) I'll get you for that Lum! > Then an idea came to her. Vash: Then she got discouraged because you could be arrested for doing that in a tree with a elephant, and in a peanut costume. > Who was home right now? Nabiki! That was it! Ranma quickly ran up the stairs and burst >into Nabiki's room, finding the middle Tendo sister sitting at her desk, balancing her >accounts. Jace: Balances! Accounts! Numbers! * Tears roll down his eyes* I can't take it anymore! Make it stop! Aisha: Are you saying your just now beginning to crack!? Jace: *Trying to hold back tears* I-I-I can't! * Jace quickly gets up, throws his arms around Aisha's waist, and places his face into Aisha's cleavage. Jace sobs while her breasts snugly hug his head. Aisha, of course, wasn't too pleased with his new arrangement. * Aisha: *blushes* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, JACE?! Vash: Aw, come on Aisha. Give him a break. He's just trying to find comfort. Aisha: Well it's not in my cleavage! Jace: *Sniffs * I'm sorry Aisha. I'm feeling better. Aisha: Then get back in your seat before you feel your bones break. *Jace quickly scrambles back into his seat.* >She was wearing her shoulderless shirt Aisha: What a slut. >(who cares what it's called, it's cute), and the sight of her bare shoulders was making >Ranma even hotter (she's easy, huh?) Jace: Seeing a naked leg would probably give her a orgasm. >"Nabiki!" Ranma shouted. "What is it, Ranma?" Nabiki muttered, not looking up from her >work. Aisha: Funneling money from the school is hard work. >Ranma immediately threw her arms around Nabiki and kissed her neck. "I need you!" Vash: (Ranma) To beat Lu Buu for me. Jace: Took off her mask, and became Kuno! >took Ranma by the hand and led her to the bed. "Sit down,Ranma." All: Slut! >Ranma complied, and sat down cross-legged on the bed. Nabiki quickly closed and locked >her door, then went to her desk and pulled out a small Aisha: Nuclear device. >pamphlet from a lower drawer and handed it to Ranma. "Now, I always thought this day >would come, Vash: (Nabiki) Just me, you , and Martha Stuart. Jace: (Martha Stuert) Bring it on bitch! >so I prepared a little something for you, just in case." "What's this?" Aisha: (Ranma) Hmm, 'Bad Lemons for dummies'? > Ranma asked, reading it over. "A list of services," Nabiki told her. "Oral sex, >3000 yen," Ranma read aloud, Jace: (Ranma) Said a surprised Winnie the Poo. Winnie the Poo, although saddened by the raised prices, he went ahead and paid Pimp Piglet. The end. >"Nipple teasing, 1000 yen, french kissing, Vash: Now boycotted by the U.S. >500 yen, rokujuukyu (69 in Japanese [so sue me, I'm trying to >learn my numbers]), Aisha: Don't involve us in your pathetic search for a life! >7500 yen, strap-on, 10,000 yen, anal play, Vash: "Anal play"? What does that mean? Jace: I guess Nabiki has jungle gym stored up there. >15--" "Or," Nabiki interrupted, "you could pick the special Anything-Goes Martial Arts >Sex package." "Um...what's that?" Ranma asked, feeling her arousal not quite what it was. >By now Aisha: Her arousal turned into nausea. > "I'll do whatever you want and give you one orgasm for 10,000 yen, plus 5000 yen for >each additional orgasm." Vash: So the total will be ¥10,000, maybe ¥15,000. >Ranma thought about it for a minute, Jace: (Ranma) Cousin "It" is kind of cute. > then the Lust Virus decided a flat rate was better than adding up the various charges. >Ranma tried not to think about it, since it was a damn weird thing to be considering. Aisha: Considering what? Thinking of fucking your future wife's sister, paying her for sex, or having sex as a girl? >"I'll take the special," Ranma mumbled under her breath, suddenly feeling very >self-conscious Vash: Yes Saotome, fight the lemon! Then run away while screaming like a scared little girl! Wait, he is a scared little girl, isn't he? >the Lust Virus was still trying to add together the french-kissing and anal play >packages). Jace: Anal french-kissing? Aisha: That was wrong on so many levels! Jace: *Rubbing head * I expected this punishment from you Aisha, but sure as hell not from you Vash. Vash: Like Aisha said. Jace: But did you have to hit me with your severed hand?! Also, I thought Aisha had it. Vash: Don't sweat the little stuff Jace. Jace: ...I keeping my eyes on you two. > "Oh, feeling a little shy now?" Nabiki teased. "I'll fix that." Aisha: (Nabiki) You get undressed, and I'll go a jackhammer. > She slowly pulled up her shirt, showing off her navel. Ranma watched, mesmerized, Vash: It's like he's never seen a talking navel. >as Nabiki started doing a little dance, then moved over to her stereo and put on a good >Jpop song. As Nabiki's breasts finally came into view, Ranma had to use all her >strength to Jace: Open the pickle jar. >restrain herself from jumping the Tendo sister. Aisha: (Ranma) I know her breasts looks like rubber, but I mustn't. >Finally Nabiki pulled the shirt off over her head and tossed it to the floor, >She slowly pulled up her shirt, showing off her navel. Ranma watched, mesmerized, Vash: It's like he's never seen a talking navel. >as Nabiki started doing a little dance, then moved over to her stereo and put on a >good Jpop song. As Nabiki's breasts finally came into view, Ranma had to use all >her strength to Jace: Open the pickle jar. >restrain herself from jumping the Tendo sister. Aisha: (Ranma) I know her breasts looks like rubber, but I mustn't. >Finally Nabiki pulled the shirt off over her head and tossed it to the floor, Vash: Along with her head. > leaving only her bra. Turning her back to Ranma, Jace: Revealing Voldamort! Aisha: (Voldamort) So Ranma Potter, we finally meet. > she unbuckled the strap and pulled it off, holding the bra over her head tantalizingly >before dropping it to the floor. Nabiki put her hands on her hips and shook her ass to >the beat of the song, wiggling her butt in Ranma's face. Jace: To bad it was going 40 beats per second. Vash: (Ranma) You know it would be sexier if you slowed down just a little. Aisha: (Nabiki) Then change the song before I throw my hip out! >At last she began pulling off her very form-fitting pants, revealing a black thong >underneath. All: Thong, t-t-t-thong. >She kicked off her pants and stood before Ranma, wearing nothing but a thong and a smile Aisha: And a small midget. > (and those dollar signs in her eyes). Jace: (Nabiki) I'm blind! > Okay! I'm finally past all that weird stuff and I'm ready for the bad sex! Hurray for >traditional lesbianism! Vash: Wait a second, 'Traditional lesbianism'? Isn't Ranma really a guy. Jace: Yeah, so? Vash: *Has a confused look on his face * Since she is really a he, it wouldn't really be traditional lesbianism. Jace: Well, deep down, men are lesbians too. >Um...where was I? Aisha: You where about to end the lemon, and your life. >Oh yeah, Nabiki was standing in front of Ranma in a black thong, her hands on her hips. >She had a sly grin on her face, then noticed Ranma had frozen up. Vash: See what happens if you don't oil in your Ramna. >"Ranma?" Nabiki stepped in front of her. "Ranma, are you >okay?" Jace: (Nabiki) Ranma, are you on another bad acid trip again? >In case you were wondering, Ranma was still sitting cross-legged >on the bed, perfectly >still. Except she was buzzing. Really. Aisha: Apparently Ranma has turned into a bee. >"Ranma?" Nabiki said again. She put her hand on her shoulder and oddly enough, Ranma was >vibrating. Seriously. "Oh, my," Jace: Nabiki began to rent Ranma out as the first human vibrator to both men and women everywhere. >Nabiki muttered. "Ranma, are you sure you want to do this?" Vash: JUST SAY NO! >Ranma answered her by leaping from the bed and Aisha: Pushing her out the window. > tackling the almost- naked Nabiki. Eager little bitch, ain't she? Jace: Can't say I blame her. >They both landed on the carpet with a Vash: Splash. Aisha: Whap. Jace: Shading. >*thud*, with Nabiki breaking Ranma's fall somewhat. Jace: (Ranma) Thank god for your airbags, Nabiki. Aisha: (Nabiki) They are also used as flotation devices. >The fall didn't deter Vash: The lemon writer. > Ranma from attaching herself to Aisha: A giant robot. Vash: (Ranma) Now to concur the world! Aisha: (Bot) Screw that, we're getting waffles. >Nabiki's exposed breast and sucking like an adjective! Jace: *A confused look appears on his face* Uh, Aisha, what's an adjective? Aisha: They modify nouns. Jace: Oh. Um... Aisha: *Sighs in a annoyed way * Nouns are either people, places, or things. Jace: Ok. Um... Aisha: * Now annoyed * Didn't they teach you anything at school? Jace: School? OH! That building where 200 kids and 10 adults stayed for about eight hours? Vash: Yeah. Jace: I remember drugs, beer, girls with tight shirts on, and the letter Z. Also the many, many beatings given to me by 12 year-old girls and the teachers. >Nabiki gasped out loud at the sudden sensation, Vash: Like slamming a mans testicle in a drawer. >then quickly pulled Ranma off her tit. Aisha: So she started to suck on his own. > "I guess that answers my question," Nabiki muttered. Jace: I wish a girl would ask me that question. Aisha: *Puts her hand on his shoulder* Jace, It's never going to happen. Jace: *Lowers his head* I know. >Nabiki tried her damnedest to keep Ranma off her, which was a feat in itself since Ranma >was stronger than her. Vash: Our good old friend rape has come to visit us I see. >She eventually managed to get Ranma back onto the bed with a few soothing words and >a shiny object. Jace: Hooray for shiny objects! > With a good deal Aisha: Two for a dollar. >of effort, Nabiki got Ranma to lie down on her back and hold still, except for the >vibrating. Vash: He might want to go to a doctor for that. >Nabiki straddled Ranma and Jace: Rode into the sunset. > pulled off her shirt, unveiling Ranma's exceptionally large breasts (not a bad curse, >huh?) Aisha: If you where originally a flat chested girl. >Nabiki dipped her head down and licked Ranma's right nipple, smiling at the moans Ranma >was emitting. If she was going to be that easy, there was serious cash to be made! Vash: To bad Ranma doesn't have any. >Nabiki licked all over Ranma's breast, getting the nipple good and hard before Aisha: Breaking it off. >switching to the other side. Ranma started bucking her hips and Nabiki felt a wet spot Jace: Please let it be a sexual fluid. >hit her on each pelvic thrust. 'So much for foreplay,' Nabiki thought to herself. Nabiki >pulled off Ranma's pants, revealing a great big dick! [{In the living room}] *Screams of horror emanates from the theater. Tora and the rest of the crew, doing whatever the hell they do when they do, hear this.* May: Oh my. Do you think they are ok, Tora? Tora: *Uncaringly* Yeah. Akane: How do you know? Tora: I'm over 500 years old and a demon. As a demon, little girl, you learn what torture is being done by the screams. Akane: *Thinking to herself* Little girl?! Harle: Tora, weren't you imprisoned for most of that 500 years? Tora: ... May: What kind of scream are they making? Tora: A pre-dickgirl sex scene scream. Everyone sans Tora: *Sweatdrop* [{Back to the theater}] >Heh, just kidding! *The MST'ers breath a sigh of relief. * > OR AM I?!?! ............. Vash: ... Aisha: ... Jace: Dot dot dot. >........Yeah, I'm kidding. Jace: The author is a cruel, cruel man. > Anyway, Ranma was naked now, and Nabiki was still in that thong, which was riding up on >her something fierce. Vash: (Homer) Wherever it went I hope it's someplace good. >She tore it off, Aisha: Becoming Super Whore! >making a mental note to charge Ranma for it later. Vash: ¥1000 yen for a ¥5 pair of candy panties. >Now that everyone's good and naked, let's Jace: Play twister! > get to the sex! Aisha: Don't start on our account. >Ranma finally took the initiative and sat up and Jace: Spanked the wanking monkey of love. > kissed Nabiki, then dragged her down to the bed. >The two kissed each other deeply, rubbing their tits together as their nipples stiffened >from excitement. Jace: Their nipples exploded into flames from the friction. >Nabiki slid up and placed her chest in Ranma's face, Aisha: (Ranma) Nabiki...I...can't...breath! Vash: (Nabiki) I know. >letting out a gasp of surprise as Ranma took one of Nabiki's nipples in her mouth and >almost sucked it down her throat. Jace: Unfortunately Ranma sucked a little too hard and swallowed Nabiki. >Ranma opened her mouth wide and Aisha: Her skeleton jumped right out of her. Vash: (Ranma's skeleton) Freedom! Now to dry fuck Betty. > took in as much of Nabiki's breast as she could, sliding her tongue all over the >delicious tit. Jace: Tastes of marmalade. >Nabiki let out a loud moan at the feeling of that tongue on her tit, >realizing she was >getting wet from this. Vash: (Reporter) Thousands died today in Pussyville in a massive flood in today dew to Nabiki being horny. >She let Ranma suck on her for a minute, then wrestled her breast away and stuck the other >one in Ranma's face, who happily started sucking on it. by the way, in case you're >wondering, the Lust Virus is still trying to figure out the total cost of all the sex >packages available, so it's too busy to infect Nabiki. Trust me, there's a reason for >this. Really, there is. I swear. A lot.) Aisha: Not like Ranma is going to pay for any of this crap. Jace: Kinda like us. We pay nothing to be in here. Vash: Yeah, but I feel that's still too much. >Anyway, Nabiki pulled her tit away before Ranma suffocated, Vash: So, the curse removes his nose AND turns him into a girl?! >letting her suck on the other one. She alternated between tits for a few minutes, letting >Ranma bring her to a few mini-orgasms. Finally Aisha: The end! > she slid down the bed, All: DO'H! >letting her hands slide over Ranma's body till they reached her pussy. She got a devilish >grin on her face, remembering that Ranma had never been eaten out in her life, and decided >to go for broke. Jace: A word that the Tendo house hold knows all to well, as do we. Aisha: Speak for yourself. > She attacked Ranma's pussy with her tongue, licking all over and inside, and was >quickly rewarded with a Vash: 3 Musketeers bar. > flood of pussy juice. Ranma bucked her hips as the pleasure filled her and her >inexperienced pussy convulsed in orgasm. Ranma let out a scream of pleasure as Nabiki >kept licking, driving her Aisha: Out the window. >to orgasm yet again. Finally Nabiki stopped licking, both to rest and to figure out how >much to charge. As Ranma came down from bliss, Vash: He saw Jimmy Hendrix. >she heard Nabiki typing up numbers on her calculator. At this point Ranma remembered she >didn't have Aisha: A penis. >any money and jumped out the window! All: YAY! >"Cheapskate!" Nabiki shouted, throwing her shoe at Ranma's fleeing form. Nabiki turned >away from the window and sat down at her desk, still naked and slightly pissed at being >stiffed...and sorta upset that she wasn't stiffed (bad, bad joke, I apologize). Jace: Bad author! VERY bad author! You sit in the corner till you learned you lesson. >What she didn't see was her shoe hitting Ranma and knocking her out. All: Yay! > Ranma fell to the ground, totally naked, and slept the sleep of a thousand snores. I >swear I'm gonna explain all this eventually. Aisha: Don't bother, the explanation will obviously be crapper than the lemon itself. Vash: Hey! The doors are opening! Aisha: About damn time. Jace: Carry me Aisha. Aisha: No. [{Living Room}] Jace: Hi guys! May: How are you guys feeling? Vash: Like we just ate Akane's cooking. Jace: *Sweat drop* By the by, where is chef? Harle: Luckily for Vash, Akane is in ze kitchen. Tora: We could get her in here so you could repeat what you said. Vash: *Big sweat drop * No, no. No need to disturb her. May: By the way, why where you in there for so long? Aisha: In what where for so long? May: You three where in there longer than usual. Jace: Only Mojo Jojo could be responsible for this! *Just then, the evil face of Pyron appears on the monitor.* Harle: Or maybe it is him? Pyron: Mojo isn't bad enough to rule. Aisha: Whatever, but why the hell where we in the theater for so fucking long? Pyron: I don't give explanations to curs. *This, as you might expect, dose not go over with Aisha too well.* Aisha: Cur? CUR?! You son-of-a bitch! *Aisha rushes toward the screen, with every intention of smashing it to bits. Everyone grabs her and try their best to hold her back. * Harle: You said zat just to piss her off, didn't you? Pyron: Actually, it was Batch's idea. *Snickering is herd in the background on the monitor, in particular, Batch's.* Aisha: I'm gonna tear you into pieces! Vash: Anyway, back to the question. Pyron: Yes... *It becomes very quite as the crew waits for Pyron's answer. A space cricket breaks the silence.* Space Cricket: You better answer mother fucker before I throw your bitch ass down! Jace: Hush Locthar, and go back to watching 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back '. Locthar: Snoogins. *Locthar exits the room via the elevator. Everyone stares at Jace. * Vash: Where the hell did he come from? Jace: He's a space cricket, they're everywhere. Harle: What do you mean? Moi hasn't seen anyzing like him, and he was four feet tall. Jace: Well, they're usually watching Kevin Smith movies down below somewhere. Tora: I really hate to interrupt really crappy conversation, but I think it would be good idea to stop her. *Tora points over to Aisha, who escaped their grasp, and is now wailing on the monitor. * Pyron: *Chuckling * Stop wasting your strength. This glass is made... *A crack appears on the monitor, and with every punch it gets bigger.* Pyron: *Sighs * You'd better stop her. *Jace is the first to jump on Aisha. The others jump on her to actually stop her. * Aisha: Get the fuck off! *Gasps* Who's touching my breasts! Tora: Are you going to explain, or not! Pyron: Ok, ok. The lemon is longer than expected, so I decided to extend the viewing period. I shouldn't have to explane because YOU BELONG TO ME! So prepare to return to the theater. *The monitor turns off * Jace: Aw fuck bunnies. Vash: How long could this lemon be? Aisha: I don't give a damn, just get the hell off of me! Tora: What a whiney cat. *So after the undog-piling, and the slapping of Jace's face, everyone waited for the lemon to start up again.* Jace: *Rubbing face * Man, I didn't to touch your breast, Aisha. Aisha: Yeah right. Tora:*Sniffs the air.* Hey, what's that smell? *Akane walks into the room, carrying plate chalk full of demon shaped cookies. * Akane: Hi everyone. I just finished making cookies. *Big smile* Aren't they cute? Tora: *Picks up a cookie* I know this demon, its Tim. You killed Tim! Akane: I didn't kill anything. I shaped these cookies to look like us. *Everyone took his or her respective cookie. * Akane: Now eat up. *Everyone is sweating bullets now, but once again the day is saved by the lemon sign! * Jace: Oh damn, lemon sign, time to go. Harle: Wait for moi! Tora: Uh...shit. I'm coming too! *The three enter the theater, leaving Vash and Aisha to their cookie fate. * Akane: Well, you going to eat or what? Aisha/Vash: Damnit. [{Theater}] Harle: You zink zis was a good idea? Jace: I've shown you the food disaster highlights from the Ranma 1/2 DVD, haven't I? Not to mention what happened to Aisha a while back. Tora: Yeah, and I'd rather have psychological damage than have Akane's sludge melt it's way threw my body. Harle: I must agree, but Aisha and Vash won't be happy zat we abandoned zem. >*** Meanwhile! Tora: Eh, I think where even. > I love that word. I think I'll say it again. MEANWHILE!!! Jace: It's not at good as the word 'suddenly'. SUDDENLY!! >Getting on with it, Harle: Bad sex happened. > while Ranma was sleeping off her sex package, Tora: Damnit. Aisha/Jace: What? Tora: FUCK YOU! Jace: *Sweat drop*...oook. Aisha: Ass. >and Akane was wandering around town, Harle: Zank god, a breath of sanity. > kissing random people. Jace: Well, It seems that sanity just threw up it's arms and said "This just isn't worth saving". >Unfortunately, one of those people happened to be Tatewaki Kuno, so there was some >screaming about marriage and whatnot. Tora: Damn Puritan. >Naturally Akane had to put a stop to this, and did so in the most violent way possible. All: Yay! > I'm not gonna get into the bloody details, because they're...well, bloody. Tora: That was my favorite part in the whole lemon. > Anyway! Akane was headed in no particular direction, Jace: Threw playgrounds, busy highways, buildings, mountains, quicksand, the Atlantic Ocean, and the center of the earth. >but by some miracle, Harle: A vegetarian ate ze lemon author. >she ended up at the Cat Cafe, Harle: Damn. Tora: Theirs always next time Harle. >which just happened to be where Shampoo was working right now. Naturally Akane walked in, >devoid of clothes and looking for a good time. Jace: (Akane) Hooray! Naked Monopoly! >Inside the Cat Cafe, Shampoo was cleaning up since it was a slow day. Mousse had >gone...somewhere, Tora: The fifth dimension. >Cologne was out getting cooking stuff, so she was stuck >sweeping up. Harle: It's been six hours zough. >Through no big coincidence, Akane picked that moment to walk in, naked as could be. >How surprised do you think Shampoo was to see her rival walk in, completely naked? >Hmm...yeah, she was more or less that surprised. "Akane!" Shampoo exclaimed, "you lose Jace: (Shampoo) Weight? >bet?" Akane had to think a bit about that. "Uh...yeah! I *did* lose Harle: (Akane) My sanity, dignity, and my guns. >a bet! And...uh...I have to rub up against you! Yeah, that's the ticket!" Tora: (Akane) The golden ticket to get me into Willie Wanka's Japanese candy factory. >Shampoo didn't quite know what Akane was talking about, but >once Akane crossed the short >distance between them Jace: The speed at which she crossed the distance created a sonic boom, destroying the café and half a city block. >and started rubbing up against her, she got the idea. Harle: She was in a lemon, and zere wasn't a damn zing she could do about it. >She screamed "Holy shit!" in Chinese (like I know how to curse in Chinese) Tora: You don't know how to write, but that doesn't stop you from guessing. >and tried to get away, but Akane had her in a deathgrip. Well, more like a half-nelson, >but you get the idea. And boy, Jace: Oh goodie. Now its going to be a three way with the cliché boy with the twelve inch penis. Harle: I zink he meant it like "Oh boy, pie!". Jace: Oh. > did Shampoo ever get scared when Akane started to undress her! Tora: Scared? Wouldn't she get pissed, instead of scared? Jace: Logic would suggest that, but they threw out logic and replaced it with a large can of Tapioca pudding laced with Rohypnol. >Just to speed things up a bit, Harle: Ze end. >Akane managed to get all of Shampoo's clothes off, though the amazon fought her every >inch of the way. Right up till Akane kissed her (with tongue) and the Lust Virus found a >new home! Tora: (Lust Virus) Wow, oak floors and it's already fung swaed. >Since everything was in Chinese, Jace: The Lust Virus had a hard time finding a restroom. >it took a little while for it to take effect, but through a process of trial and error >(and kicking everything) Shampoo began feeling the effects of the virus. Harle: Sounds like the process a kid wiz ADD taking Adderall. >The effects, in this case, Tora: Was total damnation in hell, having your soul ripped apart, getting gangbanged by the Army of Darkness, and slight dryness of the throat. > were Shampoo planting a big wet one right on Akane's lips! Then Shampoo tossed Akane on >a nearby table and leapt on top of her! Harle: Table dancing gone horribly wrong. >Naturally the table broke, so they Jace: Exploded. > had sex on the floor. And here's how they did it! Tora: With cinder blocks and broccoli. >Shampoo kissed Akane's face all over, nibbling on her ears and neck. Tora: Akane had the great taste of bacon. Harle: (Shampoo) It BACON! >Akane responded in kind, kissing Shampoo long and hard. They kissed for many minutes, >stopped, rented an oxygen tank, and started up again. Jace: I guess their noses are just for show. > Finally Shampoo got up on her hands and knees, Tora: Hm, a cat doing it doggie style. How Ironic. *Whap* Harle: Yes, and painful to you. > pressing down on Akane's shoulders, pinning her to the floor. "You wait here," the >amazon Harle: .com. > said, "Shampoo get toy!" Jace: (Shampoo) Rubber ducky very important now. >She gave Akane a quick kiss, Tora: Of death. > then got up and ran to the back room. Akane, not knowing what else to do, simply lay >there, idly picking splinters out of her ass. Harle: Zank god he wrote zat. I would have gone crazy wondering what Akane did to occupy herself while she was waiting. >The ones in her crack were a bitch to get, too. Jace: No detail left untold I see. Continuity means a great deal to this author. >Soon Shampoo returned, carrying a big, fat double Tora: Barreled rifle. > dildo! Yeah, baby! Harle: Is Austin Powers in zis too. > "Oh, wow!" Akane exclaimed. "It's so...so...so..." (ran out of adjectives here). Tora: Try 'big' you dumass. > Shampoo was suddenly overtaken with lust (the virus got back >from its first language >class at the lungs). Jace: Lungs? Harle: It seems zat all her knowledge, and her voice box are stored in her lungs. >She fell on Akane and put one end of the dildo in her mouth and sucked Jace: 'Sucked' is the secret word for today. > on it, licking the head. Akane did the same, getting her end of the dildo good and wet. >After dozens of seconds, Tora: They suffocated to death. >Shampoo pulled the dildo away and Jace: Pulled out most of her teeth. > pushed it into Akane's pussy, making the girl moan. Harle: Ze girl was in math class in the U.S. zough. Jace: (Girl) Oh yes! Do it to me subtraction! >Shampoo grunted as she shoved the other head of the dildo into her own cunt, pushing it >in deep. She gripped it with her vaginal muscles, then moved back and forth, fucking >Akane with the other end. Tora: Wait a second! Harle: What is it? Tora: Is this the same Akane that's cooking for us right now? Jace: I wish it were. Harle: Yes, only not as horny. Tora: I didn't know she was such a slut. Jace: Again, I wish. >Both girls moaned aloud, the dildo moving in and out of the both of them. Jace: I wonder if this dildo goes up town? > Shampoo lay down on Akane's body, pressing her tits against >Akane's, rubbing them back >and forth as the double dildo fucked >them both. They continued for what seemed like >forever, Tora: Tell us about it. >(but what was actually a half-hour or so) until finally, Akane >shuddered and let out a >loud cry Jace: SPOON! > as she climaxed. Shampoo fucked back against the dildo even harder, Harle: Impaling herself. > quickly bringing herself to a raging orgasm herself, amplified by Akane's porn >movie-esque screams. Finally Shampoo collapsed on Akane, who was now breathing softly. Tora: (Akane) The scream lured the man-eating lobsters. Now all I have to do it sit back and watch the show. >After closer inspection, she discovered that Akane was Harle: Candy? Tora: A slut? Jace: Julius Caesar? > asleep! What a lightweight! After a little while, Tora: The lemon exploded, then imploded, then exploded again, >Shampoo got up and pulled the dildo out of her, Jace: Or tried to. Harle: (Shampoo) Shit. How I explain zis to gynecologist? > then started looking around for other sources of hardcore sex. Tora: I swear, if there is so much as a hint of sexual tension between Shampoo and Cologne, I will use the Author as my personal hand puppet! > All of a sudden, who should walk in the door, Harle: Let's see, could it be Mousse? > but Mousse! Jace: Nice call Harle. Harle: Eh, even a dead slug knew who was coming in. Jace: *Chuckles* Yeah. > Dear, sweet, moderately-hung Mousse. Sadly, he wasn't wearing his glasses, or he >would've seen the currently-naked Shampoo, along with the naked Akane, who was laying >unconscious on the floor with a dildo sticking out of her. Jace: This is the first time that I really feel sorry him. >Sucks for him, huh? Anyway, the virus was pushing for fucking Mousse, but Shampoo wanted >out of there, so they compromised. Tora: They killed the author. >Shampoo smashed Harle: Ze mirror ze cocaine was on. Realizing it had been cut over a hundred times, and zat it was really white gun powder. >Mousse over the head and splashed a nearby pot of water on him (cold, of course) then put >on a conveniently-placed trenchcoat, Jace: That's Neo's! Clearly, the Animatrix has them. >grabbed a butcher knife and started chasing him. Tora: Just like Jace, sans the turning into a duck. Jace: You're just jealous that the girls pay more attention to me. > And boy, did that freak Mousse out! Well, not that much, since >besides the knife, it >was pretty much normal for him. Sad, huh? Harle: Trying to kill someone just means you love zem. *Sighs* Just like moi and Serge. Jace: Wow that must mean my parents love me to the extremes. >Moving right along, Shampoo ended up chasing Mousse right past Ukyo's okonomiyaki >restaurant. Harle: Great, more lesbian sex. Jace: Yay! *Tora and Harle stare angrily at Jace. * Jace: *Sweat drop * Er...I mean...damn the luck. >Ukyo was sweeping up outside, Tora: Hordes of dust bunnies where storming her restaurant. Jace: *Ukyo* Come get some motherfuckers! >and seeing a somewhat naked Shampoo chasing Mousse was...well, it was pretty damn odd. >Shampoo thought it was odd as well, since Harle: She was trying to sweep with a rubber chicken. >Ukyo never swept up outside... Jace: Except when she's being anal raped. *Whap!* >So, she stopped to ask Ukyo about it. Jace: (Shampoo) Why you sweep? Tora: (Ukyo) Because I'm being anal raped. Jace: (Shampoo) Oh...me join you. *WHAP! WHAP! * Tora: Ow! Damn, I didn't know you could hit that hard. Harle: Aisha gave me Vashs' arm. >Can you guess where I'm going with this? Harle: Yes, and it better not involve any goats.