Hello and welcome to ANIME LEMON THEATER 5000 ½! This is number four of my MST series. I never thought I’d last this long. This is a good sign, or a bad sign depending on your viewpoint. Also, I would like to thank all the people who read and like this MST. Those people give me a reason to write. Now, on to the disclaimer! Disclaimer: This lemon was MSTed without the Authors permission. This lemon and the author (AAA-PhuckNut) deserve every flame in this MST. That fucked up bastered. Pyron is owned by Capcom. All copyrights to him go to them. Vash and the small black cat is owned by yasuhiro nightow / shonen gaho-ahs, tokuma shoten, jvc. That’s a hell of a long name even for a Japanese company. Aisha Clan-clan is owned by SOTSU AGENCY, SUNRISE, INC. and I’m so glad they made her. MST3K, the nanites, and anything else related to MST3K belong to creator Joel Robinson and to Best Brains inc. Harle belongs to Square Co. Lucky Basterds. My company of Spanky Co. owns Jace, and the name “Anime Lemon Theater 5000 ½”. I couldn’t think of any other company names at the time, all right! Backstory: After being defeated in his own dimension, Pyron, being pure energy, reformed in this dimension after being sucked through a wormhole. On earth he found the remains of the SOL, some tapes of the experiments, and some nanites (the really, really, really small robots). He went to the moon where the nanites built him a base, a new ship that he named the Satellite of Lemons, and an anime/game character extractor. Pyron studied the surviving tapes and decided to take the idea as his own. So he kidnapped his first prisoner from earth using a ham and cheese sandwich on a string (yes, I know), then he gathered two anime characters from two different shows. Now he has a new captive from the Chrono Cross game. The captives are: The video game and anime freak earthling, Jace. The feline powerhouse and garbage disposal unit, Aisha Clan-Clan, from Outlaw Star. The sexy harlequin and dragon god, Harle, from Chrono Cross. The man who has 60 BILLION double dollars on his head, Vash the Stampede, from Trigun. And now on to the torture.... Err…. No, wait, I mean torture. Episode 4: The Lemon and the Demon. When we last left out crew of the Satellite of Lemons (SOL for short), they where again plummeting to certain death, but this time it’s in an elevator. So now they’re going so fast that they are stuck on the ceiling of the evaluator. The lesson they have learned? Always Duct tape Jace before going anywhere with him. Aisha: Where going duct tape Jace before going anywhere with him. Vash: Sure. Harle: Ok. Jace: Hey! It’s not my fault that where’re plummeting to our certain death, AISHA! Aisha: You’re saying it’s my fault! Jace: Yea! Aisha: If I could move I would kill you. *Suddenly, the elevator comes to a quick stop. Slamming the crew into the floor in a jumbled mess* All: Ouch! Vash: Oh god, my spine. Harle: Oh! Who’s zouching me zare?! Jace: Mmm. So soft and warm. Harle: *blushes * JACE! Jace: Sorry. Aisha: Now I got you Jace! *Tries to grab Jace* Vash: AHHHH! AISHA LET GO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET GO! Aisha: You ok? Vash: *in a higher pitch voice * I’ll never have children. Jace: At least we stopped. Harle: *still blushing* Jace, didn’t I say let go? Jace: But it’s soft and warm. *Suddenly (yes I know I used it before, but I really like the word “suddenly”) the elevator going left at the same speed it was before. So now the crew are slammed up on the wall. * Aisha: *Right next to Jace* Now I got ya! *Starts to strangle Jace* Jace: Ack! Vash: Aisha, stop killing Jace. Aisha: Why? Harle: You’ll have zime to kill him after we get out of here. Aisha: *In a disappointed tone* Oh all right. * Let’s go of Jace.* *The doors open to the elevator.* Harle: Zat can’t be good. *The crew sees a light up ahead. * Jace: Heaven? Aisha: If it is your going first. *Aisha pulls Jace on top of her and uses him like a shield. * Vash: Everyone, brace yourself. *The elevator came to yet another sudden stop, Vash and Harle flies out into the room landing on various crates. Except for Aisha, who is riding Jace like a surfboard down an empty walkway. * Aisha: Whhhooo! Jace: Thank god for my teenage oily skin. *Vash and Harle get up and chase down Aisha.* Vash: Damn, I didn’t think Aisha could ride him this long. Harle: Ewww, you make it zound like zhere having sex. Vash: Ewww. You’re right. *Jace starts to slow down to a stop. Aisha looks around as Vash and Harle come running up from behind. Aisha sniffs the air.* Aisha: *excitedly* We’re here! Vash: This is the food storage place? *Everyone takes a careful look around. It’s a typical oversized storage facility for storing food supplies. Nothing special about it.* Aisha: *Runs over to a nearby create.* Mmmm. Harle: What’s in it? Aisha: Smells like steaks. *So Aisha, in starved madness, rips of the side of the crate. There they where, in all there glory. Big, juicy, mouthwatering, succulent, vary raw steaks. Aisha looked like she was about to cry. * Aisha: I’ve waited so long for this moment. Vash: It’s been a day. Aisha: Don’t ruin the moment Vash! *Aisha grabs a steak and takes a big bite out of it. * Vash: Sorry. *Looks to where Jace was.* Hey where did Jace go? Aisha: *With a mouth full of steak.* Don’t know. Harle: Aisha, zhat’s raw you know. Aisha: *With a mouth full of steak.* I don’t care! Vash: I’m gonna go look for him (and for my donuts) over there. Harle: Ok. * With each bite Aisha starts to notice something about the steaks taste.* Aisha: You know this tastes a little different. Harle: Du’h, zt’s raw. Aisha: Not that. It’s well….lemony. *Harle walks over to the container and reads the side.* Harle: Lemon Pepper Steak? Aisha: What? *Walks over to Harle.* Harle: See. Aisha: *Takes a bite of raw steak.* So ? Harle: I zink zere’s a connection and stop eating zat raw. Aisha: No! *They can hear a voice screaming out.* Vash voice: They’re ALL lemon filled! NOOO! Harle: That’s Vash. Aisha: *Another bite of steak.* No shit. Harle: zrow zat away and come on. Aisha: Yea, yea. I’m coming. *Aisha prepares to throw the half-eaten Lemon Pepper Steak away, but takes a second to think. Then she quickly takes her last bite of the raw meat and throws it behind some creates. The steak lands on something sleeping that was also behind the creates instead of hitting the floor. This woke it up. * ????: *growing* What in the seven levels of hell hit me? *This beast opened up his eyes, yawned, and took the steak off of his head.* ????: *sniffs the steak and takes a bite out of it.* Yuck! Too lemony. *The creature stood up and stretched. Then he started to walk in the direction of the crew.* {[With Aisha, Vash, and Harle.]} Vash: Nooo! Harle: What’s ze matter Vash? Vash: All my donuts are lemon filled! Aisha: YOUR donuts?! Vash: (nervously laughing) I mean our donuts. Aisha: That’s better. Vash: Anyway most of this stuff is lemon, was a lemon, or covered in lemon stuff. Harle: Hey, what’s zat? *Harle pointed up to a stack of crates, which something was standing at the very top. * ????: Hehehe. *The hairy figure jumps down right in front of the trio.* ????: Tremble in fear humans! Vash: So what is it? ????:*Sweatdrop* Aisha: It must be some sort of hairy lemon. ????:*in anger and surprise* WHAT! HAIRY LEMON! I’m a demon you damn humans! Harle: Humans? Where? Vash: I think he’s talking about us. Aisha: What! Don’t EVER mistake me for a human ever again! Demon: So you all aren’t human? Then what in the seven levels of hell are you? Aisha: I’m a Carl-Carl! Harle: I’m the Dark Moon Dragon God. Vash: I’m a plant. Demon: No matter. You all still look good enough to eat. *The Demon slowly walked closer the trio, showing his sharp teeth and sharp claws.* Vash: Well nice knowing you all. Aisha: You’re giving up already?! Harle: If we only had our powers we might stand a chance, but we don’t. Aisha: Well it looks like Aisha Clan-Clan to the rescue. *Aisha and the demon rush toward each other, but before they reached each other a all too familiar person came between them. They both came to a sudden stop. * Jace: Hey, look at what I found! Vash: Not right now Jace. Harle: Get over here Jace. Aisha: Wait, I’ll let Jace handle the Demon. *Aisha moves back over to Vash and Harle. * Jace: Demon? What demon? *Jace turns around and sees what the others where talking about.* Jace: Oh, THAT demon. *The Demon gives a mighty roar, showing all of sharp pointy teeth.* Demon: RRRROOOAAARR! Jace: Eww, stinky breath. *With the others.* Vash: But Aisha, he’ll be killed. Aisha: *Smiling* I know, it’s almost too good to be true. *Back with Jace.* Jace: Wait a sec don’t I know you from some where? Demon: No, but you’ll get to know me well while your in my stomach. Jace: *Snaps his fingers* Now I remember, your Tora from Ushio and Tora! ([see www.advfilms.com to see a pic of Tora.]) Tora: (Surprised) How did you know that moron, Ushio? Jace: It’s long story, which involves a Ham and Cheese sandwich. You are now apart of the SOL crew. Tora: (Now pissed off) Shut up! I’m not apart of any crew and I’m not a Tiger! Now prepare to die. *Sparks of electricity began to fly from his forehead. Jace still standing in the same place. The others where now hiding behind a crate.* Harle: Why are you hiding here Aisha? Aisha: I’m not hiding, I’m protecting the food. Vash: Some Ctrl-Ctrl warrior you are. Aisha: *Grabs Vash by the collar.* What was that?! Vash: Nothing. *Back to Tora and Jace.* Tora: Now die!! *Tora shoots out a bolt of electricity form his forehead.* Harle: Jace! Vash: NO! Aisha: YES! Jace: Pretty. *The bolt flies a foot, sputters, then dies. Everyone sans Jace: O.O Tora: What in the seven levels of hell happened! Jace: My turn. *Jace walks over to one of the crates, opens it up and pulls out a big, heavy, yellow frying pan.* Jace: *walks right up to Tora* Now hold still while I hit you with this repeatedly on the head. Tora: *laughing* I’m a fucking demon and you’re going to assault me with a saucepan? Take your best shot! Jace: *raises the frying pan above his head* Hello Kitty! *With Tora standing still, Jace brought the frying pan down hard on Tora’s head* *CLANG!* Tora: O.O (in a whiny, pained voice) OOOUUCCCHHH! That fucking hurt! Everyone: *Sweatdrop* Jace: Whack the Mama! *Clang!* Tora: (still in a whiny, pained voice) Ouch! You did it again! Stop that! Jace: I’ve been working on the Tora! *Clang!* Tora: Stop! Please stop. Have mercy! Jace: 100 bottles of *Clang!* Jace: on the wall. 100 bottles of *Clang!* Vash, Harle, and Aisha: *Big sweat drop * *Vash and the others come out of hiding.* Aisha: Fuck. Harle: Zis is sad. Vash: You can say that again. Aisha: Ok Jace. You can stop now. Jace: But I still have 99 more clangs on the wall. Vash: Sorry Jace, Those clangs have been expired for a year now. Jace: Aww. I still get to hit him, right? Tora: No more! I-I-I won’t hurt or eat anyone. I’ll be good and I’ll do what you want. Jace: Ok, but here is one to grow on! *Clang!* Tora: *sniffles* OK! You have my word THIS time that I won’t hurt anyone just stop! Vash: o.o Aisha: Anyway, I wonder if Pyron figured out that where missing? Pyron’s voice: Of course I have you silly cat! Aisha: You don’t have to bite my fucking head off! Oh. *Suddenly, a crate box top flies open and a T.V. with Pyron on the screen, rises up. Vash: You’re everywhere aren’t you? Pyron: I do have to keep an eye on my ginnie pigs. Heheheh. Jace: Hey, weren’t you going to….. *The others cover Jace’s mouth.* Harle: Shut up! Pyron: I was going to do what? Vash: Nothing! Tora: Now who the fuck is this little man in the box? Pyron: (Angry) Who told you that I was little! Others: (Sweat drop) Pyron: *coughs* Er…your lemon is ready, But only three will be viewing today. Everyone: Yea! Pyron: But the others will do backbreaking work. Everyone: Yea! Pyron: …Whatever. Harle, Vash, new cat, you are going in. Jace: Yes! Tora: That’s Tiger, I mean Tora, I mean…oh forget it! Vash: This always happens to me. Harle: Fuck. Aisha: What will Jace and I we be doing? Pyron: You’ll see. Hahahah. Now you three get ready to go! *The T.V. turns off.* Tora: What if I don’t want to go? Harle: Jace will hit you on the head again. Jace: *Sings with frying pan in hand* Whacky whack whack, I whack back. Tora: O.O (Screams like a girl) No! Not again. Keep it away! Harle: Some demon. *A hole opens up in the ceiling and out comes the big vacuum hose sucks up the Vash, Harle, and Tora. Then it went back into the ceiling, leaving Aisha and Jace behind.* Jace: So, what now Aisha? Aisha? *Aisha, finding some ready to eat meals, was piging out on them.* Jace: These look good. *Reaches out to grab one* Aisha: Take one and I’ll rip out your arm and beat you with it till your dead. Jace: *pulls his arm back* Fair enough. {[In the living room]} *Tora, Harle, Vash land in the middle of the living room.* Tora: Hey, nice place. Harle: It would be nicer if we could have an escape pod installed. *The lemon sign goes off* Vash: Time to go! Tora: What’s going on? Vash: Just follow us! *Cloud Strife’s Buster Sword* *6, A picture of Tracy getting raped by Godzilla* *5, Gundam Deathscythe Hell in a cool pose. * *4, A giant free-for-all between all the characters of Toonanumi * *3, A group pic of the girls from the FF series sans any clothing. * *2, Pyron getting his ass kicked by Donavon. * *1, A sign reading Warning: Lemon can cause Blindness and Death. * Tora: What’s with the doors? Vash: They where here when we got here. Tora: No, I mean the pictures on them. Harle: It’s better if you didn’t ask. >Tenchi the Thug >By AAA-PhuckNut (viperz00@winfire.com) Vash: We’ve only gotten to the title and it’s already sunk pretty low. > Disclaimer: Tora: So what do we do now? Harle: We read the lemon and make fun of it. Tora: That’s it?! Vash: (Vador) Don’t underestimate the power of the bad lemon. >This fic contains sex and stuff so you have to be 18+ to read it. Also, all characters >protrayed in this fic are Vash: Three times hornier than the horny limit. > owned by Pioneer and AIC so I make no claims to the characters. Harle: We have just crossed ze line from sanity to utter stupidity. >Washu had been in her lab for a week straight, working on her newest, greatest >invention she had made yet! Of course, no one else knew what she was working on >though...... Vash: Big fucking surprise! >"At last! My latest invention is now complete!" yelled a very happy Washu. Vash: Then it exploded. Harle: (Washu) A complete success! >"My invention is so perfect! It can totally alter the personalty of a person in seconds!! >I can't wait to test it out!" Washu chimed very happily, yet devilishly. Tora: So she is the “Mad Genius” of the group I see. >Everyone else in the household had been going on with their lives like normal, Harle: Dodging explosions, destroying cities, crashing spaceships. Yep, pretty normal day. >except they had been wondering Tora: More like dreading. >what Washu was up to all that time she was in her lab. >All of the girls and Tenchi, minus Washu, Vash: Equals an orgy now with a rampaging slime monster later on. >were just sitting around in the living room, when Tenchi asked, Harle: (Tenchi) Is Washu making a giant hell beast again? Tora: Say what you want about the Hell Beasts, but they make great casseroles. >"Does anyone have any clue as to what Washu is working on now??" Vash: A Blackhole maker? Harle: A cure for world hunger? Tora: A VCR that does not flash 12:00, but shows the correct time on it. >"Its funny you ask that Tenchi." said Washu, which to everyones suprise had snuck up Vash: And killed the spellchecker. >on them just before Tenchi asked his question. >."Well, actually, Tora: (Washu) I was sacrificing a human soul to the dark demons of the underworld. Vash/Harle: O.O Tora: What? Don’t knock it till you tried it. > I haven't created anything new, I was just cleaning up my entire lab a bit." said >Washu. Vash: Just another way of saying that she was masturbating the whole time. >"You took a whole week to just clean your lab?!" said Tenchi. Tora: No dildos on hand I guess. >"Well my lab does expand over the size of multiple planets!" said Washu proudly. Vash: I bet reaching the top shelf in her lab must be a real bitch. >"Oh, I see your point." said Tenchi. Tora: (Tenchi) As you stab me repeatedly with it. *Whap!* Tora: What the hell was that for! Harle: For being an idiot. Tora: That really doesn’t answer my question. >Everyone else just didnt really give a damn at all Vash: Neither do we. > anyways and had already left to just finish the rest of their day. Harle: Zose explosions weren’t going zo create zemselves. >Washu returned to her lab to admire her creation. Vash: A man who could fuck from 0 to 60 mph in about a second, and lasts hours on end. >"Well, Tora: (Washu) Planets aren’t going to destroy themselves. >Tenchi will be the perfect subject for my experiment! And the best part is I can do it >to him while he sleeps! Harle: Don’t zey call zat rape? > That way I wont have to Tora: (Washu) administer sedatives to anal probe him during the day. > lure him down here and into a trap." said Washu quietly to herself. Harle: Zotally forgetting zat she has a zelaporting device. >Later that night, Ayeka and Sasami were already sleeping, Yosho was at his shrine, >Ryo-okie was sleeping on the living room floor, Washu was in her lab, Kiyone and >Mihoshi were out on patrol and weren't due back for at least a week, Noboyuki was >busy watching his porno flicks inside his bedroom, and the only people still moving >about were Ryoko and Tenchi. Vash: That’s not a run-on sentence; that’s a marathon sentence. >"Tenchiiiiii!" said a very Harle: Bitchy > horny Ryoko as she glomped onto Tenchi. Vash: What did she do, dump tapioca on him in bed? >"Please Ryoko, im really Tora: Ted Danson > not in the mood to screw around right now, I want to get some sleep." said an Harle: Stoned >angry Tenchi. Vash: Bullshit!! There is no male in the entire universe that would not fuck a girl if she were basically begging for it. Tora: You haven’t been laid in a while have you. Vash: Er…no. >Ryoko pouted a bit then said, Harle: (Ryoko) I’m really Allen Jackson. All: Gasp! >"Fine Tenchi, but just you wait till morning! I'll have you then!" Tora: (Wicked Witch of the West) And your little ponytail too! >Then Ryoko phased away, Vash: Thank god it was just a phase. Tora Now its time for Ryoko’s “Anal Rape” phase. >and Tenchi headed to his bedroom mumbling to himself, Harle: (Tenchi) If I where a little less gay, I would fuck all of zem. >"Gee, I wonder what Ryoko will try to do to me tomorrow morning" said Tenchi in a >sarcastic tone of voice. Tora: Probably tie you down to your bed and clothe you in leather. She have whips, chains, spikes, torture racks, an assortment of clamps, clips masks, dildos, creams, and chocolate sauce. Harle: 0.0 Vash: Is that what Demons use to have “special” sex. Tora: Oh no. Vash: Really? Good. Tora: That’s regular sex for us. Vash/Harle: *Facefalt* >After Tenchi retired to Vash: Happy Acres: where they under feed, ignore, abuse, and neglect you’re elders so you won’t have to. > his room, he had fallen asleep pretty quickly, Tora: After someone hit him in the head with a baseball bat. > the devilish little red haired Harle: Satan. >Washu Vash: At times she can be Satan. Tora: Where do you think red heads get all that energy? > stepped out of her lab Harle: And into a vat of acid. Vash: She should really label her doors to other demotions more clearly. >snickering to herself Tora: (Washu) I ate the rest of the cake. Heheheh. >as she head up the stairs towards Tenchi's bedroom. She stepped into his bedroom and >quitely approached his bed, Harle: (Washu) Tenchi, its time for the lemon. Vash: (Tenchi) Just five more minutes. >"Now lets see what type of Tora: Cock > personality I should give Tenchi." Washu whispered to herself. >"Hmmm... I need to give him one that would be very easy to notice, so I will know if >it worked or not.... I got it!" Washu whispered very enthusiastically this time. Vash: (Washu) I’ll give him the personality of Polly Shore! Tora: I don’t think she’s that crazy. >"The classic American Detroit Thug Personallity! All: *sweat drop* Vash: When the hell did that become a classic? Harle: When they started making movies about them. >aka: ADTP" Washu snickered under her breath. Harle: The author is a Stupid Uneducated Cocksucking Katfish. Aka: S.U.C.K Vash: Catfish with a K? Harle: Yea, or it wouldn’t have worked otherwise. Vash: Actually, it didn’t work at all. >And with a few clicks Washu's invention was ready to Tora: Rape her. > go, she aimed and fired, and then Vash: It hit her. Harle: She may be a genius, but her aim sucks dead monkey balls. > nothing happend, Washu was very puzzled, Harle: (Washu) Shouldn’t zere be a period in zat sentence? >"Wasnt it supposed to make a sound or something?" Washu asked herself. Vash: What she didn’t know that she changed the consent of the universe and now the earth was now inside out. >"I guess it didn't work... DAMN! Tora: (Washu) First the rabid winged vampire slugs escaped, now this! >and all that hard work too!!" Harle: What hard work? You just zrew it zoether in and hour, zen masturbated ze rest of the week to Science Monthly. >Washu said that so loud it almost woke Tenchi up. Vash: Then a werewolf jumps from the closet and kills her. >Quickly Washu left Tenchi's room and returned to her lab, very angry at what had happend. Harle: She forgot how to program the VCR. Tora: They just don’t make mad scientists like they used to. ______________________________________________________________________ Harle: Welcome zo ze Forbidden Zone. >The morning soon arrived and the sunlight shone in through Tenchi's window. Vash: That’s not the sun. That’s Kiyone and Mihoshi about to crash into the house again. >A groggy Tora: And hammered >Tenchi awoke only to be greeted a split second later by a naked Vash: Rush Limbaugh. > Ryoko landing on top of the blanket Harle: (Tower Control) Zero niner one niner, you are clear to land on blanket 03. Tora: (Ryoko) Roger that tower control. > he was under and locking into a deep kiss with him, Vash: Where they exploded. Harle: Ok, that’s enough. >"MMMMPPHHHH" moaned Tenchi. >"Im sorry, were you trying to say something?" asked Ryoko very seductively. Tora: (Tenchi) You’re knee is grinding my balls to a paste. >"DAMN BITCH! you is one fine ass hoe!" beamed Tenchi. Tora: Then Ryoko ripped off one of his arms. Harle: (Ryoko) Try again. Tora: (Tenchi) You’re hot? Harle: (Ryoko) Better. >Ryoko just sat there stunned Vash: One of Ayeka’s traps I see. >at what Tenchi just said, that is untill Tenchi ripped off >his Vash: Skin and turned into the flying nun. Tora: Ok, even I thought that was stupid. >blanket Tora: How in the seven levels of hell can he do that when she is on top of it? Harle: The author has no sense of realism, and he is a jackass. >showing Ryoko his Harle: Tan line. Tora: Washu must run a tanning salon on the side. Harle: (Washu) Get half price on your next tan if you get third degree burns. > naked body and his growing hard on. Tenchi just grabbed Vash: A grenade and tossed it at the author. >ahold of Ryoko and slammed his cock into her pussy, Tora: So he shoved his rooster into her cat? Vash: I wouldn’t put it past the author. >"Ooooh Tenchi, Im so suprised!" Ryoko managed to choke out. Harle: (Ryoko) That my sniper hasn’t hit you yet. >"Whose yo daddy! whose yo daddy!" said Tenchi as he rammed her harder and >harder. Tora: (Ryoko) Washu is! Vash: (Tenchi) No, who’s you’re daddy! Tora: (Ryoko) Washu is! Vash: (Tenchi) No, you’re DADDY! Daddy damit! Tora: (Ryoko) Washu is you moron! *Whap!* *Whap!* Harle: Shut up! >Ryoko was in total bliss Vash: No wonder she finds Tenchi attractive, she’s higher than a hippie on payday at Woodstock. >as Tenchi fucked her, sending her into orgasm after orgasm. Tora: Wait a second! They’re having sex! Vash: Well, yea. Harle: That’s what a Lemon is. Tora: Well shit! > Tenchi blew his load into her, then set her down in the bed next to him and got up to >get dressed, Ryoko just sat there dazed in mix of happy and puzzled emotions. Harle: Zis guy loves his Run-on sentences. Tora: Or just too fucking stupid to use a period. >Tenchi headed down the stairs and ran into Vash: The raging Hell Beast. Tora: (Hell Beast) I have a casserole. > Ayeka on the way, Tora: Use a fucking period you bastered! Vash: Hey the doors opened up! Harle: RUN! {[Exit to Living room]} *The three enter into the living room. Aisha is laying on the couch and Jace is talking to Ted the nanite on the monitor.* Vash: Hi guys. Aisha: (too exhausted to speak) @.@ Jace: Hey. Ted: Hi Mash. Vash: That’s Vash. Harle: What’s with Aisha? She looks exhausted. Tora: Will we eat her? Jace: Don’t make me get out the “Lemon Beast Pan”. Others: What? Aisha: (Still too exhausted to speak) Jace: Both are long stories, which will be blended into one and then edited to an hour and thirty minuets just so that they could put something in the DVD just so they can bring the prices up. Those sick ass rapers. Tora: Are you talking about Disney? Jace: Maybe. I think MGM is also plotting….. Harle: Just give us the story damnit! Jace: Oh, yea. Pyron wanted us to carry food to fill up the frige. Vash: Sounds easy. Jace: That’s what Aisha said, but Pyron had the nanites make it into a walk-in frige. A really BIG walk-in frige. Ted: So big that should call it a grocery store now. Jace: Anyway, the elevator was broke and so Aisha and I had to take the stairs. Vash: Stairs? Jace: Yea, next to the elevator. * Points to the stairs* Vash: *sweat drop* Harle: I’m not surprised. Really, I’m not. Tora: Why aren’t you tired then? Jace: I guess I’m way more conditioned than Aisha. Heheheh Harle: You sat on top of the crates that she was carrying, weren’t you? Jace: *Lowers his head in shame* Yea. Vash: So we have food now? Jace: *raises head* Yep! *Harle and Vash look at each other then at the hallway door. * Harle: Quick, lets get the good stuff before Aisha eats it all! Vash: Right! *They run off to the kitchen.* Jace: They didn’t even get to the really good news. Oh well. Ted: Hey, Pyron is calling you. I’ll talk to you about what you want later. *Ted’s face is replaced with Pyron’s face.* Pyron: So how is the….where are the other two? Jace: Eating before Aisha can. Pyron: Ok. Um, you didn’t tell them about you saw, did you? Jace: Nope, just keep your end of the bargain. Pyron: Fine! Tora: What are you talking about? Jace: *sinkers* Pyron: Stop that! Jace: *sinkers* I.. *sinkers* ..can’t. *sinkers* Tora: What’s so funny? Pyron: JUST GRAB AISHA AND GET YOUR ASSES INTO THE THERTER! *The monitor turn off and the lemon sign goes off* Jace: Come on, grab Aisha and let’s go. Tora: Why me, I’m… *Jace pulls out his “Lemon Beast Pan”.* Tora: Ok, ok. *Picks Aisha up.* Jace: Now lets go. *Cloud Strife’s Buster Sword* *6, Tracy being eaten alive by Tora. * *5, Hexadecimal and Dameon fighting. * *4, Gohan giving the final blast to cell with Goku’s sprit behind him.* *3, Super Smash Bros.: Melee screen pic. * *2, All the girls from Chrono Trigger and Cross-sans clothing. * *1, A sign reading “Warning: Lemon can cause Blindness and Death”. * *Tora puts Aisha down in her seat.* Tora: What’s with the doors? Jace: Them? They where here when we got here. Tora: *Sweat drop* I mean the pictures on the doors. Jace: Oh, I did that. Tora: Really? Jace: Yea. You don’t really think I did nothing, did you? Tora: Well, yes. >"Tenchi are you alright?? Tora: Speaking of, what about Aisha? Jace: I got that covered. *Jace pulls out a Hot Pocket from his pocket and waves it in front of Aisha’s face. * Tora: How long has that been in your pocket? Jace: I don’t know, but I don’t think Aisha will care. > I heard some loud noises and came up to check and see if >you were ok!" said a very worried Ayeka. *Aisha’s eyes open up, sees the food, grabs it, and eats it. * Tora: You ok? Aisha: Yea, but where are we? >"Damn girl! you is one white ass cracka!" said Tenchi. Aisha: *Sweat drop * Ooo-key, never mind. Jace: Tha hell? >"E...x..cuse me?" Ayeka stammered out. Jace: Of the window and rolled into the lake where she was eaten by minnows. >"All yo white folk be hatin up on ma skin color, damn crackas." Aisha: Let me guess, Detroit thug personality given to him by Washu. Tora: How did you know that? Aisha: Carl-Carl’s know everything. Jace: You didn’t know how to fix the elevator. Aisha: Shut up! >Tenchi murmured as he walked passed a dazed Ayeka. Tora: (Tenchi) Why the hell do I have to be in the Lemon? >Tenchi proceeded to Aisha: Kick the crap out of the author. >the kitchen where he was greeted by a wonderful smell, Tora: Freshly cooked cake of DEATH! >"What be cookin? it betta be KFC and biscuits and gravy or i gunna bust out ma nine >and blast someones ass." Aisha: What the hell did he just say? Jace: Something about a golf club and fucking someone’s ass if there was no KFC. > Tenchi said to Sasami Jace: Remember to be your slutlyest today. Aisha: Slutlyest? Jace: I don’t care if it’s not a word, I want to use it. >as he walked into the kitchen. >"Wwwhat?" Sasami asked. Aisha: I guess Sasami is eighty-eight years old in this lemon. Tora: Oh shit. Old woman sex. *Whap!* Aisha: Thanks for the mental image. >"y'all herd what i be sayin hoe!" Tenchi snapped back. Jace: (Old Sasami) Paul’s bird brought pee to Joe? >Sasami started cry at the cruel things Tenchi had said, Tora: (Old Sasami) I don’t like pee. >"Shut yo fuckin mouth biatch!" screamed Tenchi. Aisha: If they could understand him maybe they would. >Then when Tenchi noticed there wasnt any Jace: Plot, so he killed the author. .>KFC or biscuits and gravy, he got very angry and pulled out his glock nine, Tora: I’m assuming that a gun. Jace: I still think it’s a golf club. >(no gangsta should ever be without it! I guess thats why he has one) Aisha: The only thing this author knows about gangs is being on the receiving end of a gang rape. >"THATS IT MUTHA FUCKA!!!! YOU GOIN DOWN BIATCH!" screamed Tenchi, Tora: Oh I get it. Gangsta’s don’t talk like that, the author just can’t spell worth a fuck. >as he proceeded to blast her ass into the next millenium, Jace: So, in fucking her ass he transported her to the year 3000? Aisha: (Sasami) Am I in the year 3000? Jace: (Future guy) Yes, where all men and women are perfect, pokemorphs and catgirls walk among us, we get super powers, and we have sex 20 hours a day. Aisha: (Sasami) Wo-hoo! >making a humping motion every time he fired a shot. Tora: Doing so he shot the lights, the plates, the couch, then himself. >"Straight up Detroit husslin!" beamed a proud Tenchi. Aisha: Then Warf beamed down and killed the author. >Then Tenchi proceeded to steal her shoes, Jace: I didn’t know Tenchi had size three feet. > and just as Tenchi was stuffing Sasami's body into Tora: His cheeks to save for later. > a cabinent, Aisha: Learn to spell you shit sucker. > Ayeka came running into the kitchen after hearing the loud bangs. Jace: (Ayeka) I want some loving too! *Whap* Aisha: Shut up. >Ayeka was totaly shocked at what she saw next, Jace: Well.. Aisha: Don’t you fucking say it. Tora: *open his mouth.* Aisha: You too. Not a fucking word. > a pool of blood on the floor, and Tenchi shoving Sasami's corpse into the cabinent. >"OH MY GOD! Aisha: You killed Sasami! Tora: You Bastered! >Tenchi what have you done!!!!!" yelled Ayeka. Jace: (Tenchi) It wasn’t me, it was the one-testicle man. >"Damn not yo cracka ass again! Aisha: Now she is a cracker? Tora: I guess so. Aisha: She at least should have some Easy Cheese on her. > well i cant be lettin yo go to da cops bout dis one..." said Tenchi. Jace: Wait, there where other times Washu turned Tenchi into a gangster? >Tenchi then loaded a new clip into his trusty gun, and before Ayeka even had the >chance to run, Tenchi pulled up his gun and held it sideways, in true ghetto fashion, >and pumped her white ass with a clip load of lead. Tora: (snickers) Aisha: Ok, let me get this straight. He unloads the clip, pulls out another clip from his pocket, lodes it back into the gun, and lodes the bullet into the chamber. Right? Jace: Yea. Aisha: And during all this she can’t run away, tackle him for the gun, or use her powers!? Jace: Delayed Reaction Syndrome strikes again! Aisha: Ayeka is so stupid. Jace: No, just the author. >"Aint no hoes gonna be sendin me to da slamma again!" said Tenchi as he repeatedly >shot her lifeless body. Tora: (starts laughing) Aisha: What the fuck are you laughing about! Jace: He’s a demon. They find this kind of stuff funny. >Tenchi then headed out of the house and up stairs towards the shrine. Tora: So, they are still inside a house? >"YO, anyone home?" Tenchi said as he approached the shrine. >Yosho stepped out of the shrine and saw Tenchi, Jace: Then hit him in the head with a sword splitting his skull in half. Aisha: (Yosho) Hmmm, we need another Tenchi over here! >"Ahh Tenchi you are here pretty early" said Yosho. Tora: (Yosho) You must be an impostor! >"Yo dawg wazzup?" asked Tenchi. >After hearing what Tenchi just said, Aisha: Yosho knew he was in a lemon and killed the author. > Yosho knew it was time to show his true form. Tora: He turned into a pug dog. >A bright light flashed over Yosho and when the light went away, all that remained was Aisha: Jell-O >a black thug. Aisha: Just when you think the author can’t get any stupider. >"Wutup mah nigga!" said Yosho. >"Ma brutha! long time no see dawg!" said Tenchi. Tora: Suddenly, they both pulled out Uzi’s and shot each other’ knees out, and then they where eaten alive by fire ants. Aisha: I love happy endings. >"Yo got yous a crack Jace: (Tenchi) Yea, It’s in my rear. Tora/Aisha: *Moans* > pipe? i gots sum crack rock Jace: That’s what happens when you don’t wipe after doing a number Two. *DOUBLE WHAP!!* Aisha: Don’t EVER say that again! Tora: GOT IT?! Jace: *.* Ahherr. Aisha: I’ll take that as a yes. >in here." said Yosho. >Tenchi then pulled out a crack pipe from his pocket and him and Yosho went into the >shrine and smoked some crack, like the crack heads they are. Aisha: I would really like to find out who wrote this shit and rip off his head; then shove it up his ass. >"Yo nigga, lets blow this joint." said Tenchi. Tora: Finally, something we all can enjoy. Senseless violence and big explosions. Aisha: They mean they are going to leave. Tora: So, no explosions? Aisha: Nope. Tora: Damnit! >"I hear ya dogg." said a wacked out Yosho. Aisha: (Yosho) But I can’t understand a fucking word you’re saying. Jace: *wakes up* Waoh, you guys hit way too hard. >Yosho then pressed a button on a statue, and a large garage door opened and a >lowered purple 1977 LTD Tora: LTD? Limited Teal Domino? >rolled out, it was one phat ride, sittin on gold spokes, hydraulics, and one phat ass >sound system to boot. Jace: Why spend hundreds of dollars on a sound system when it will just slow you down your escape from the cops? >"Check out ma pimpin ride, nigga." said Yosho. Tora: (Yosho) Made from real pimps too. >"Damn dawg, that bein one phat ride." said Tenchi. Aisha: A half dead drunk could make a better lemon then this asshole. >Tenchi hopped into the driver seat, Jace: And landed right on the gearshift. >and Yosho hopped in the back and Jace: The car exploded. Aisha: Oh, it was a really a pinto then. >proceeded to lock and load his guns to do some drive by's in Tokyo. Just as Tenchi >was about to drive away he said, Tora: (Tenchi) Why I put up with this shit for 650 yen an hour, I’ll never know. >"Shit dawg, fuck, i needs ta go pick up mah hoe" Jace: So that’s his secret! His hoe is why the girls are attracted to him. >Tenchi hopped out of the car and ran to his bedroom where a still stunned Ryoko lay >on his bed, All: Bullshit! >Tenchi grabbed Ryoko's arm, which startled Ryoko, and head for the door, Aisha: In her startled state, she killed Tenchi. >"Les go bitch, we be blowin dis joint!" blared Tenchi. Aisha: So this really isn’t a Lemon. Jace: Naw, it’s more of a mini lemon covered in crap that someone pulled out of men’s bathroom toilet at a Shell Gas Station. >Ryoko just nodded and followed along and they hopped into the car. Tora: So Tenchi ran all the way back to his house, dragged Ryoko out of bed, and ran all the way back to the shrine? Aisha: The Author thought that who ever was reading this would have killed themselves way back before now. >Washu came out of her lab Jace: (Washu) All the technical advancements in the universe and I can’t get a descent fridge. >and headed towards the kitchen, when she arrived she screamed in horror as she saw >Ayeka's bullet ridden corpse lying on the floor. Washu immediately Tora: Took Ayeka’s body and turned it into jerky. > headed out the front door only to be confronted by Kiyone and Mihoshi, Aisha: The Abbot and Costello of the universe >"Hi Washu! We are home a little early because Kiyone said we couldnt afford >anymore food!" said a very enthusiastic Mihoshi. Aisha: With the way their luck is, i’m surprised they haven’t killed themselves. >"Mihoshi, will you shutup!!" screamed Kiyone. Tora: Then a mudslide came and wiped out everything. >"Oh my god! We have terrible news..." Jace: (Washu) Our show is being moved to UPN! >Washu said, but was cut short by a strange rumbling. Aisha: (Mihoshi) We haven’t eaten any thing lately. Prostitute business is really slow this time of year. Jace: (Kiyone) Shut up Mihoshi! >"That rumbling is very strange... its too rythmic to be an explosion." Washu said, Tora: Well, she is an expert on explosions. >apparently forgetting about the news she was going to say to Kiyone and Mihoshi. Jace: Yea right. She forgot all about Tenchi: the guy who thinks he is a black gangster who is killing everyone in sight. >Kiyone was about to reply, when all of the sudden Aisha: They all turned into a cookie. >a purple Tora: people eater. > LTD came speeding around the corner, with the bass from its music rattling >everything around. Jace: Including the car itself, which rattled into pieces. >The LTD came speeding for them, and just as it was coming very close to them, Jace: Godzilla came out, grabbed the car, and threw them into space. Aisha: What the hell is your deal with Godzilla?! Jace: What’s wrong with Godzilla? >Washu screamed, Tora: (Washu) Barney’s driving! >"SHIT!! GET THE FUCK DOWN!!" Jace: (Shit) The Fuck can get down himself. >But it was too late, Tora: Slugs ate the author, ending this shit fest. >the LTD speed by and Yosho stuck hisAK-47 out the window and Jace: The door opened and he fell out. >loaded Washu, Kiyone, and Mihoshi with hot steaming Tora: Please say lead. >lead. Aisha: Where the hell is Sailor Moon when you need her? >As Tenchi drove away, Jace: He crashed into a tree because he can’t drive. > Ryoko gave him head while he was driving, Tora: Who’s head? I hope it’s the authors. Jace: The author means she’s sucking on his penis. Tora: Damnit! > and Yosho said, Aisha: (Yosho) Damnit, I missed the author. >"I smoked those cracka asses!!!" Jace: I hope a sparrow mistakes his cock for a worm and tears it right off. >Then the effects of the personality device on Tenchi wore off, Tora: Then his head exploded. >and he didn't know where the hell he was, Aisha: Lucky ignorant basterd. > and he felt something really moist rubbing up and down his penis, and he looked >down to see Jace: The Blob. >Ryoko giving him one sweet Tora: Jawbreaker. > blow Aisha: Pop > job, Tenchi couldn't hold himself any longer and he Jace: Turned into butter. > cummed into her mouth as he let out a sigh of relief, but with all this action going on, >Tenchi forgot that he was driving Jace: Ok everyone, time to bet how they die. Tora: What do we have to bet with? Aisha: The dinners for the next week. Jace: Yea…ok. I bet they ram into a tree. Aisha: They fall off a cliff. Tora: They fall into the vortex of hell. > and they drove off a cliff Jace/Tora: DAMNIT! Aisha: *Stands in a triumphant pose* YES! Carl-Carl’s never lose a bet. Tora/Jace: (In a disappointed tone) Yea yea. Aisha: *Sits back down.* > screaming all the way down untill they crashed onto the ground and their car >promptly exploded, incinerating all 3 of them. Jace: Except there isn’t any cliff anywhere near where there much less a road. Aisha: I not even going to discuss Ryoko’s power issue. _____________________________________________________________________ Tora: (Pall Harvey) And now, the rest of the story. >All that remained was Noboyuki and Ryo-okie. Aisha: Where they fell in love and had a litter of Hucabbits. >Without Sasami around to cook the food, Noboyuki became very hungry and ate Ryo->okie raw. Jace: Which is understandable since his cooking is bad. Tora: Although, cabbits are a little bland. Use a little paprika and cinnamon, and that should really perk up that cabbit. >Then Tora: The Army of darkness comes from hell, see what has happened, figure it’s just not worth the effort of taking over, and they go back home to play pong. > Noboyuki went to jackoff to some porn, he jacked off to Aisha: Hanson. > hard and his penis ripped off. Jace: 0.0 (to himself) Note to self: I much watch how hard up I pull when jacking off. Aisha: I guess the guy has a leprosy problem. > Seeing that he no longer had a penis, Noboyuki knew there was no more point to life, >so he promptly killed himself. Tora: The author should really do the same. ___________________________________________________________________ Jace: You are now exiting hell. Please keep all arms, legs, and other assorted body parts in the theater until the lemon has come to a complete stop. >THE END All: YAY! >Wasnt that a very happy story? Aisha: If you where a five hundred year old demon. Tora: If they took out the sex it would have been great. If the author got killed it would have been perfect. >Well I hope you had a good laugh, cause I sure did writing it. Jace: (Author) As I sat in my box, under the stares in the sanitarium. >Tell me what you think of my first FanFic Jace: It’s crap. Aisha: It sucks, and it’s a LEMON! Tora: You would be better off by cutting off your own testicles so you could never breed. > and email me at: >viperz00@winfire.com Aisha: His computer is so full of viruses by now. >Note: the 00 in viperz00 are zero's not o's All: *Gives the finger* Jace: Note: the fingers we showing you are not one’s. Tora: Yes! We can go! {[Exit to Living room]} *The three enter the room, and see Vash and Harle making lists. * Vash: Hi guys. How was the ending? Jace: Everyone died. Harle: Told you Vash. Vash: Yea. Aisha: *Stomach grows* Heh, I’m getting something to eat. *Go’s to the kitchen* Tora: *walks behind Vash and Harle* What are you writing? Harle: Zed said that Pyron is letting us decorate our room’s ze way we want. Vash: So we’re making lists of what we want. Aisha: (from the kitchen) Who the hell ate all the good stuff! Harle: Vash. Vash: Oh no. Don’t you blame all this on me! You helped too. Jace: Aisha, get in here for a sec. Aisha: *walks in living room* Did you find out who did it? Jace: No. Aisha: Then why... Vash: We’re getting to decorate our rooms the way you want by making lists. *Apon hearing this news, Aisha instantly pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Within a blink of an eye she had made her list.* Aisha: Done. All: *Sweat drop* Jace: Thinking about this for a wile, eh? Aisha: It’s just basic necessities for a Ctarl-Ctarl’s survival. Tora: Basic? The page is full on both sides. Aisha: This IS Basic. *While this is going on Ted appears on the monitor. * Ted: Alright guys, have you made you’re lists? Vash/ Harle/ Aisha: Yes. * In a flash their lists are gone.* Ted: Ok. Jace, what about you’re list? Jace: I don’t need one. Just grab the stuff from my room on earth. Ted: Ok . That’s it. I’ll get the stuff to as soon we can. Tora: Wait just a damn second! What about me? Ted: Oh, you don’t have one. Tora: WHAT! Then where the hell am I going to sleep? Ted: Not my problem pal. Take it up with your shipmates. *With that, the monitor tuns off. * Tora: Whom am I rooming with? Harle: Sorry. Aisha: No chance in hell. Jace: *Big smile* You can have my room if Harle in her room. Harle: *sweat drop* Tempting, but no. Jace: *big frown now* Awww. Aisha…. Aisha: Not a chance in hell! Jace: Well I guess you have to room with Vash. Vash: What? Now wait a…. Aisha: All agreed? *Aisha, Jace, Harle raised there hands.* Aisha: Against? *Needless to said Vash raised his hand* Aisha: The ayes have it. Vash: Damnit! Jace: This is great Vash. Now you can braid each other’s hair, eat popcorn, and share secrets. Vash: Shut up. *Pyron’s face appears on the monitor. * Pyron: Ah, Jackass and company. How was your lemon. *Everyone turns and faces Pyron.* Aisha: Pyron, I’m really disappointed in you. Pyron: What are you talking about? Harle: The lemon Pyron. It was hardly up to lemon code. Pyron: Lemon code? Vash: Oh sure there was senseless killing, but hardly any sex. Tora: Sex is what makes the lemon go around. Jace: And Tenchi was a gangster not a thug. Pyron: Hmm. Jace: You where doing well in the beginning. What happened? Pyron: This is your fault. Aisha: Hey, I didn’t do jack shit! Pyron: Not you, you fickle feline. My assistants fault. All on SOL: Assistant? ????: Sorry Boss. Jace: Oh, yea. I remember her from last time. Pyron: She is Batch from Mongoley Knights. *The picture becomes black for a second, then Batch comes in to view. * Batch: Hello, lab rats. Aisha: Hello, flat chested bitch. Batch: Grrrr. Jace: Batch, where is Glucose? Batch: She’s making snacks. Pyron voice: She is not allowed up here. Jace: Damn. Pyron: Batch, put the camera back on me. *The view becomes black, and then Pyron’s face appears. * Pyron: Next, you’re maid and cook will be in tomorrow. Aisha: Cook!? Vash: Maid!? Pyron: Yes. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Everyone: *sweat drop* Batch’s voice: Boss, it’s really not that funny. Pyron: *coughs* Yes, of course. Also you’re next lemon will be within the “lemon code”. Batch: An extra crappy one for that cat bitch. Pyron: Until then. *The monitor turns off. * Aisha: Wait just a goddamn second, you red headed piece of shit! Vash: Wow, a maid. I bet she’s really hot too. Wearing a tight, short skirt….*trails off and starts to drool a little.* Tora: Hey, Jace. Is Vash ok? Jace: Yea, just let him have his fantasy. Harle: Hey, wait a sec. Did we just HELP Pyron in torturing us? Vash: *snaps out of it. * O.O *A silence hangs heavy in the air. Everyone looks at each other. Then everyone realizes what has happened at the same time. * Everyone: OH SHIT! It looks like things are looking up for the crew. Will the things they asked for actuality get there? Will the maid be as hot as Vash thinks? Will the cook be able to cook? Will the lemon have more sex in it then this one? What exactly is in Jace’s room? Why is Pyron giving them this stuff. Why the hell can Wonder Woman fly in the new JUL, when in the old days everyone knew that she had an invisible jet? Maybe all that and a bag of chips on the next ANIME LEMON THEATER 5000 ½!