In honour of this comm being old and crusty, here's the first bit of a Cori MST I can't finish yet coz her site's done. Behold the horrible first few pages of Where Angels Fear To Tread! >Chapter 1 -- Omens Mike: (Damien) Hello, lawsuit. It was a clear, balmy evening in late summer. A cool breeze rustled the leaves of the trees, and a flock of Pidgeys soared through the liquid gold skies Servo: Only to be hideously roasted in their own flesh by the sheer heat of liquid gold. as a lone pokemon trainer made his way up the road, Servo: Vrooooom… SPLAT. Mike: And not the non-capitalisation of Pokemon. Poor, poor grammar. his only companion the jet-black Umbreon at his side. Crow: (Trainer) I’m so lonely… Gary Oak smiled wearily and shifted the weight of his backpack when he crested the hill and beheld a small town nestled in the valley below. "This must be Grove," Gary remarked as he consulted his map. Mike: (Gary) What a dump. "It's only ten more miles to Blackthorn City from here, Umbreon!" "Breon! Bree!" Umbreon said cheerfully. Crow: I dunno, he’s not speaking English and we’ve only got Cori’s word that Umbreon is being cheerful. Maybe he’s really grumpy, or bored, or practising his stand-up comic act. Mike: (Umbreon) All right, just ten miles away from proper toilets! Gary reached down and scratched behind Umbreon's ears. Servo: (Umbreon) You demean us both. "Come on, buddy. It's been a long day -- let's go get some dinner and take a rest." In the four days since Gary had earned his Glacier Badge at the Mahogany Gym, Mike: …he’d run out of food, so dinner consisted of grass. he'd been doing some of the most intense training of his life. Servo: You? It’s the Pokemon doing the actual legwork, bourgeoisie oppressor! Crow: Pokemon of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your free time! He'd sent Rhydon and Pidgeot back to his grandfather's lab Mike: Yeah, real intense training there. and exchanged them for Nidoking and Nidoqueen, hoping that the dragon and ice attacks he'd taught them would help him defeat Claire's dragon pokemon and win the Rising Badge... Crow: (Claire’s Dragon Pokemon) Bring it on, bitch. the last one he needed in order to compete in the Johto League finals. Gary's smile grew even wider than it already was as he and Umbreon made their way towards Grove. "I bet James would do really well at the Blackthorn Gym," he mused. Servo: Gary never did very well with bets. "He taught his Growlithe Dragon Rage last summer, and his Articuno is gonna have some really powerful ice attacks when he gets older! Crow: Miiiiike, I’m scared! When did James get these Pokemon and why doesn’t he ever use them against Ash? Mike: They showed up in Cori’s earlier fics and… I have no idea about the latter. Servo: James with an Articuno. They canon!Stued him. Poor bastard. He’s lost to us now. Jessie's Wobbuffet could take out pretty much anything with Counter and Mirror Coat, too!" Crow: This was proven wrong when Inland Revenue came along to ask Team Rocket about their unpaid taxes. Gary paused for a moment and sighed. "It's a shame so many gym leaders are so snotty about letting Team Rocket members compete for badges Servo: (Gym Leader) But they’re a dangerous criminal organisation and are likely to steal my Pokemon! And then hurt me! Mike: (Gary) Oh stop being so snotty. if anybody deserves the chance to earn badges and compete in league championships, it's Crow: Me! Jessie and James. They're good trainers...and good people...." "Bree!" Umbreon said, as if to agree. Mike: Actually, he was saying “bullshit”. Servo: See! They oppress the working Pokemon by rewriting his dialogue in the translation! It had been a couple of months since Gary had befriended Jessie, James, and Meowth, and during that time, a day rarely went by when he didn't think about them. Servo: Man, he’s clingy. Mike: (Gary) …I wonder when they’ll give me my wallet back. The last time he'd seen them had been two weeks ago at a fire pokemon tournament, where Jessie and James Mike: Refused to give him his wallet back. had won a pair of Fire Stones with the help of their Vulpix and Growlithe... Crow: And drugging the competitor’s Pokemon. and then, he'd helped them humiliate Ash in a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Servo: (Homer Simpson) NEEEEEEEEERRRRRRDS! And even when he didn't get to see them in person, he exchanged e-mails with them whenever he had the chance to get online. Servo: (Meowth) We got more spam! Jessie with her beauty and kindness, James with his wisdom and sensitivity, Meowth with his sarcastic wit – whenever Gary thought about the three of them, it lifted his spirits and put a smile on his face. Crow: Whenever I think about Cori’s versions of Team Rocket, I throw up and want to kill myself. Suddenly, however, the happy image of his friends shifted to one of horror – Servo: (Gary) Dear God, not mpreg! AAAAAAARG! Jessie was lying on the ground, writhing in agony, and James and Meowth were kneeling at her side and crying. Gary squeezed his eyes shut and brushed away the cold sweat that was forming on his brow as he tried to shake the image from his mind. Mike: It was a wrong and sick image, for in it… Team Rocket weren’t wearing matching fashionable clothes at all! Whenever he thought about the difficult pasts they'd had and the cruel and degrading treatment they often suffered at the hands of Ash and his friends, Servo: He laughed. Just like me! AHAHAHAHA! Crow: (Ash) All of you are going to work in the fast food industry! Bwa ha ha! it made Gary sad, but nothing he'd ever seen before in his mind's eye was as vivid or intense... Crow: Well, except for some of those dreams he had involving women. or disturbing as the vision he'd just had. Crow: Ditto. Umbreon flattened his ears and pawed at Gary's leg. "Breon, bree?" Mike: (Umbreon) Where’s the dinner, ya lazy bum?! Gary shook his head and opened his eyes again. "It's...it's nothing," he said at length. "Probably just my nerves -- we do have some difficult battles ahead of us, after all." Servo: Bah! You young’ns have it great! Why, in my day, we didn’t even have POKEMON in our Pokemon training! And the distance between Pokemon Centres was like that of a small nation! And- Satisfied with his master's answer, Umbreon nodded and continued on his way. "Just my nerves...just my nerves...." Gary whispered again. But as he cast a look over his shoulder and saw black storm clouds gathering in the western sky, he couldn't help but wonder if that was really all it was. Mike: Gee, being really subtle with your foreshadowing, aren’t you Cori? @->->- Crow: ATTACK OF THE ASCII ROSE- PART 3! Meanwhile, in a Team Rocket cabin a few miles from a town called Rowandale, Servo: This is a Lord Of The Rings reference, isn’t it? AGAIN. Gary's three friends were settling in for the night. "It's a shame we couldn't keep dat staff and mask," Meowth sighed Crow: (James) Yeah… but I guess they just weren’t up to mine and Jessie’s bedroom antics. as he watched James open a package of chicken-flavored ramen noodles and add them to the pot of boiling water on the stove. Mike: What if Meowth doesn’t like chicken? Ever thought about that, Jimmy boy? "Even if dey was a royal pain in the ass, we coulda sold 'em." "Yes. I'm sure an art collector or a museum would've paid a fortune for artifacts like those," James agreed. Crow: (Art Museum) Pbbt. You seen how much money we have lately? "At the very least, we could've gotten enough money for groceries." Servo: …but you’re eating right now! Meowth scowled. "Goddamned fuckin' twerps! It ain't like we was stealin' -- dose things was up for grabs, and we found 'em first!" Mike: Well, since it was part of a historical site with a designated archaeological dig going on, yes you WERE stealing. Or at least tomb raiding. Crow: (Cori) Stop it with your evil logic! The cat paused for a moment and looked over at the bedroom door. Servo: Where untold horrors lurk. "Besides, it ain't like Queen Jessie coulda taken over the world, or anything. Crow: (Jessie) Damn it. Why is it any skin off dere ass if we wanna earn an honest buck so we can stay alive?!" Mike: Looting historical sites isn’t making an honest- Crow: (Cori) SILENCE SCUM! Team Rocket are earthbound angels and their farts smell like roses! James ran a hand through his blue-violet hair and sighed. Servo: Wow, he’s bored with this scene too! "Beats me. All I know is that I'm at my wit's end with those brats. I guess I can see why they get pissy when we try to catch their pokemon, but they've really been crossing the line lately. Mike: They cheated at Poker Night, the dogs! I don't know how much more of their bullshit I can take." "I hear ya, Jimbo," said Meowth. After a couple of minutes, James removed the pot from the stove and began spooning the ramen noodles into bowls. Servo: (James) These noodles are bland and tasteless! Damn it, those twerps must be behind this too! "Meowth, will you tell Jessie that dinner is ready, please?" he asked. "Tell her yerself," Meowth grumbled. James raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" Meowth's expression softened when he saw the look of shock on James's face. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it ta sound like dat." Crow: (Meowth) Wait. Yes I did. Mike: A polite and apologetic Meowth. Will horrors never cease? "Then what did you mean?" "I'm just sayin', if ya want Jessie ta know dat dinner's ready, you'll hafta tell her yerself -- I ain't talkin' ta her," he clarified. Servo: He still hasn’t got over her making fun of his folk-singer ambitions. James buried his face in his hands. Mike: It was later found in a fossilised form and used as the basis for all paleaontological theories on 21st Century humanity. "Meowth, don't tell me you're still upset about Jessie using that staff to make you dance!" Mike: Duh. "Well, how the hell do ya expect me ta feel?!" Meowth demanded. "She humiliated me, James!" Crow: Yeah, like you’re not used to it by now… "You think I don't know that?" James retorted. "Do you think I enjoyed it when she took control of Victreebel and sicced him on me?!" Servo: (Victreebel) I know I enjoyed it! "No...I know," he conceded. "But it ain't really the dancin' dat upset me, even if it was embarrassin' as all get out! Crow: (Meowth) It wos when she made me give her a sponge bath dat did that. ICK! It's dat power-trip she went on. Mike: MY GOD! Jessie went on a power trip! Crow: MY GOD! The Pope is Catholic! Servo: MY GOD! Santa isn’t real! Crow: …wait, what? Mike: We’ll tell you later. James, ya can't tell me it didn't hurt when Jessie declared herself queen and acted like we wasn't any better den a couple a slaves!" Crow: (James) I was quite turned on, actually. "You're right, Meowth. It did hurt...and I was mad at her about that," James admitted. "Den why ain't dis buggin' you the way it's buggin' me?" Servo: Because James has already drunk his sorrows away with hard liquor. "Because I know that wasn't the real Jessie doing all of that stuff today." Mike: It was… THE JESSIE FROM EARTH-2! Crow: At least it wasn’t Earth-3. Those opposite versions of everyone are jerks. Meowth's eyes widened. "Ya mean she was possessed?!" Servo: Now guys, just because Jessie voted Conservative… James chuckled. "No. I'm just saying that she had a momentary lapse in judgement and did some crazy things that she wouldn't normally have done. Mike: (Jessie) Ye gods, I bought tartan! What was I thinking?! That's something we've all been guilty of -- like the time you had those islanders banish me and Jessie so that we wouldn't ruin your chance to be a god...or the time I thought I was a Moltres-type and tried to usurp control of the team. Crow: I dunno. I’d vote in the Flaming Moltres. Today it was Jessie's turn to let a bit of power go to her head Servo: This is different to every other day HOW? , and that's why it's not a big deal to me anymore," he explained. "Besides, Jess had a choice today. She could've stayed in those ruins forever and kept all of those amazing powers, but she didn't -- she gave them up in a heartbeat so that she could stay with us!" Mike: I think the lack of food in those ruins had a part to play too. And the getting blasted off. "Kinda like how you chose me and Jess over yer inheritance, and I gave up the chance ta be a god so I could stay with youse guys?" Meowth ventured. Crow: (James) Well, no, since Jessie didn’t have the threat of hideous violence above her head. James nodded. "Precisely!" "Good point," he said, breathing a sigh of relief. Mike: (Meowth) The scene’s nearly over, the scene’s nearly over… "Ya know, for a moment dere, I thought ya meant dat dere was some sorta evil spirit in the mask and dat it took control of Jessie, or somethin'. Servo: (Cori) MARVEL AT MY FORESHADOWING! Crow: Luckily, the spirit of the mask was Ghandi. I guess dat's kinda ridiculous when ya stop and think about it, but...." Mike: Yes. So stop writing about it, Cori! "It is, isn't it?" James agreed. "But I can see where you're coming from -- everything that happened today was very...bizarre, to say the least." Servo: Those cats and dogs living together had been quite odd to say the least. "You can say dat again, Jimmy-boy!" James smiled and gave Meowth a playful nudge. "Come on. Let's go get Her Majesty -- I'd like to eat dinner before it gets cold." Crow: Too late! Meowth smiled back. "Yeah. And the sooner we talk ta her and get things straightened out, the better." When the two of them went into the bedroom, they Crow: …were chased out by an angry Jessie getting changed. Mike: …were shot at on principle for talking vaguely mutinously. Servo: …waved their hands in the air like they just didn’t care. found Jessie curled up beneath a layer of blankets on the bed. Her back was turned to them, and her breathing was slow and shallow, as if she were asleep. "Hey, Jess," James said softly. "Dinner is ready, sweetheart." Mike: (Jessie) I’m sleeping, bugger off. "I'm not hungry," Jessie muttered. "Whatsa matter? Smack Ramen ain't good enough for Yer Royal Highness?" Meowth asked. Servo: No. "Sorry ta burst yer bubble, queenie, but dat's all we've got!" "Knock it off, Meowth!" James reproached him. Crow: (James) We can always kill and eat that Articuno we recently got, and you know it! The cat smiled innocently. "I'm just kiddin'!" James frowned at him and turned his attention back to Jessie. "Honey, we're not mad at you anymore about what you did this afternoon," he told her. "You don't have to punish yourself like this." "It's...it's not just that," she replied. "I...I don't feel well." Mike: (Star Trek) Foreshadowing is at 9, cap’n! Servo: Can it be any less dull? Crow: (Bones) I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker! Slowly, Jessie rolled onto her back and looked up at James and Meowth. Her face was a pale grayish-white color, and her normally sparkling sapphire eyes had gone dull and had dark circles under them. Crow: (Jessie) Braaaaainssssss… "Holy crap! Ya look awful, Jess!" Meowth cried. "Gee, thanks," she said sarcastically. James sweatdropped as he knealt by her side. Servo: (James) You didn’t cripple Meowth for that remark? This must be serious! "Meowth is right. You haven't looked this bad since that time you inhaled Vileplume Stun Spores." Mike: (Jessie) I thought they were candy. The sweatdrop on his face doubled in size Servo: And engulfed his face, drowning him! when he touched her forehead and took one of her hands in his own. "And you feel like ice!" Crow: See? I’m right about this zombie thing. Meowth shuddered. "Dis ain't right, man!" Mike: (James) Look, stop talking about my thong at a time like this! James smoothed back Jessie's hair and kissed her fingers. "What's the matter, honey? What happened to you?" Crow: She wore a mask, went power-mad, got blasted off. You were there! "I...I don't know, James," she replied. "I felt fine this morning...." Mike: (Jessie) …when I drank that can marked Cyanide… Jumping onto the bed, Meowth took Jessie's other hand in his paws and brushed it against his furry cheek. Crow: Sick or not, Meowth wanted someone to scratch him, damn it! "I guess it happened this afternoon," Jessie continued. "When we found that underground temple...I don't know. I just started feeling weird." "How so?" James prompted. Jessie closed her eyes and furrowed her brow. Crow: (Bender) For the first time in my life… I felt like I’d stolen enough. Mike: (James) Ye gods man, get a grip! "I just...I didn't feel like I was in control of myself. It felt like something was making me grab that staff and put on that mask. Servo: It’s called greed, Jess. And when I did, it just got worse -- I...I felt like...I was being pushed to the side. I knew what was going on, but I was saying things I wouldn't normally say...doing things I wouldn't normally do Crow: (Possessed Jessie) Paisley stripes with apricot… that’s great! I want a dress of that now! Servo: (Possessed Jessie) I think I’ll work out my disagreements rationally instead of hitting people. Mike: (Possessed Jessie) Let’s go sing at the hospital! , and I couldn't stop myself...." James and Meowth exchanged nervous looks as they listened to her. Crow: (James) You distract her, I’ll get the straightjacket. "....And even after I took the mask off, and we left the ruins, I just haven't felt right," she went on. "I feel tired...so tired...." "Maybe dat thing really was cuttin' off yer circulation," Meowth remarked. Servo: …how? James closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "I think I might know what's wrong," he said. Mike: (James) It’s all the fault of THE TWERPS! Servo: (Meowth) You say that whenever you lose a sock. "I think it was the magical powers in the staff and the mask." Jessie looked up at him. "What do you mean, James?" Mike: That’s a very good question… "Well, I'm not an expert on the subject, but my grand-mama was," he explained. "She had all kinds of books on magic and the old ways, Servo: Is that “old ways” as in pseudo-mystical crap or as in the Amish? Crow: C’mon, Amish! and sometimes I'd look through them when I went to visit her and grand-papa. Mike: (James) I really liked the one on tantric magic! I remember, in one of the books I read, it said that negative spells often have a negative effect on the person who casts them. Crow: (James) And in another, how technology was the tool of Satan and how we should all use the horse-and-cart! And if controlling others isn't negative, then I don't know what is!" Jessie frowned. Servo: (Jessie) So you want to stop our Mistress of Pain sessions? James placed his hand on her cheek. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I don't think the effects are permanent -- you were only exposed to the magic for a couple of hours, so it probably just drained some of your energy." "I hope you're right," she sighed. Mike: I hope he knows what he’s talking about. "I'm sure that's all it is," he assured her. "Just take it easy tonight, Jess. If you're still not feeling better in the morning, we'll take you to a doctor." Crow: Coz by then you’ll be good and sick so they can easily tell what’s wrong. Jessie closed her eyes again and nodded. "Yeah...." she muttered. "But right now, you should eat some dinner," James continued. "Whether you're hungry or not, you need to keep your strength up." "You're right," she said. "Why don't I bring the food in here?" Meowth suggested. "Dat way, we can all eat tagedda, and Jess won't hafta get outta bed." "That sounds like a good idea," James told him. "Thank you, Meowth," Jessie whispered. Servo: …Mike, did I just read Meowth willingly putting himself in a servant role? Mike: No. It was… a hallucination. Servo: Oh thank God. 2 decided | i can't decide ( 2 decided — i can't decide ) your entitled savage bitch :D: LOL Fanfictionsarajayechan on July 26th, 2006 06:13 pm (local) It had been a couple of months since Gary had befriended Jessie, James, and Meowth, and during that time, a day rarely went by when he didn't think about them. Servo: Man, he’s clingy. Mike: (Gary) …I wonder when they’ll give me my wallet back. Eh, they probably spent all your money on hair products and food. "It's a shame we couldn't keep dat staff and mask," Meowth sighed Crow: (James) Yeah… but I guess they just weren’t up to mine and Jessie’s bedroom antics. Mmmm, mental images! Why is it any skin off dere ass if we wanna earn an honest buck so we can stay alive?!" Mike: Looting historical sites isn’t making an honest- Crow: (Cori) SILENCE SCUM! Team Rocket are earthbound angels and their farts smell like roses! And their armpits like perfume even after three days without showering! Meowth shuddered. "Dis ain't right, man!" Mike: (James) Look, stop talking about my thong at a time like this! Meowth: But it's PINK! With GOLD POLKA DOTS! James closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "I think I might know what's wrong," he said. Mike: (James) It’s all the fault of THE TWERPS! Servo: (Meowth) You say that whenever you lose a sock. Meanwhile, Ash and Misty are putting on a sockpuppet show for Pikachu and Togepi, acting out scenes from shipwar. Awesome stuff. Good to see this place a little more active lately! (Reply) (Thread) (Link) Edit Delete Track This Disco citizenteamrodent on July 27th, 2006 04:13 am (local) Thanks, Rocketboy! Could we have the Twerps puppet show to soothe the mental scars Cori's fics give us? (Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)