Yes, yet more from Cori Falls- this time, dealing with her timeline for her omgkawaii REAL canon!!1111one. Over to you, guys. Crow: I hate you. > This page is an appendix to my Library. Here you'll find a timeline, chronicling the dates when important events for our heroes take place. Crow: May 1st, 1987. James realises he's not like all the other boys after he tries on his mum's dress. > Before you continue, however, please take a moment to read these important notes: Mike: One- this timeline is a work of fiction. Any relation to the canonical timelines, and Team Rocket members living or dead, is purely coincidental. > The dates that I give in this timeline are NOT established in the canon of the show, the movies, the CD dramas, the manga, etc.! Servo: Say, Mike, when IS Pokemon taking place? Mike: After Ash is born. Servo: Deep, man. > The writers never really say when anything takes place, so I simply consulted my calendar, episode guides, and some other sources and picked my own dates, based on what seemed most logical. Crow: Yeah but Cori, you think James using maple syrup as a metaphor for Team Rocket's relationship is logical. > Many of the events in this timeline take place only in my story arc and have little (if any) correlation to what happens on the show. Servo: (Cori) Because I know better than the people who created these characters. > In fact, in September 2001, I start phasing out series canon, and October 2001 (the end of Johto League Champions/beginning of Master Quest) is when my timeline makes a complete break from series canon. Crow: (Series Canon) Thank God! I'M FREE! > All of the dates and events from then on are my own entirely, and I even incorporate a few "what really happened" scenarios. Mike: Surely what happened on the SHOW is what really happened. Servo: (Cori) Silence! The show didn't have enough kissing and talking about relationships! Clearly the creators of Team Rocket don't know the characters at ALL! Crow: (Cori) And they had all that icky "conflict" and "drama" going on! URG! Got in the way of the kissing! > So please don't complain that my timeline is "wrong" or "inaccurate" because it doesn't jive with "what's on the show" -- Mike: Well, if the shoe fits... > a big reason I made this timeline is to illustrate the divergence of my story arc and the show. Servo: Yer fanfics do a pretty good job of illustrating their complete divergence from the show all by themselves. > When I refer to things from the Ruby & Sapphire games and the Advance Generation arc of the anime in this timeline (and my stories), I use a lot of the original Japanese names and spellings for pokemon, places, and people (such as "Pochena" instead of "Poochyena," "Houen" instead of "Hoenn," "Haruka" instead of "May," etc.) Crow: (Cori) Because I'm pretentious and want to seem kewl. > This is because I like most of the Japanese names for the Ru/Sa pokemon better than the English names, Crow: Like I said... > and I don't feel like going back and changing the spelling of Houen in all of the stories where I've mentioned it. Mike: Making a massive and detailed timeline, that's easy, but going back and editing names? That's a feat for heroes and gods. > Also, since May is already the name of Gary's older sister (as anybody who's read the manga knows), I use the name Haruka when referring to the girl in Ruby & Sapphire to avoid confusion. Servo: Mike, does this mean we should get the pizza guy Mike to change his name to something else, so we don't confuse him with you? Mike: We look, sound and act completely different. Servo: Yeah, OK, there's all of that, but you've got the same first name! > While we're on the subject of names and avoiding confusion, please note that the Annie & Oakley in my timeline and story arc are NOT the villains from the 5th movie! Crow: Awwwww. > The Annie & Oakley that I write about are the TR agents who run the Rocket Game Corner in Celadon City (they're in the Red & Blue games -- I just gave 'em names and personalities and made 'em friends of our heroes). Mike: The Game Corner Rocket's competent and successful. What are they doing being friends with our boys? Crow: Ah, lest you forget, it's only in the blasphemous and smelly show that they're incompetent. Cori knows they're REALLY the greatest trainers of All Time And Space. > If I ever do refer to the villains from the 5th movie, I'll use their original Japanese names, Lion & Zanna. Crow: I think I've covered this. > (Why 4Kids had to name 2 female characters Annie & Oakley is beyond me -- Oakley is a GUY'S name, for crying out loud! X__x) Mike: So's Cassidy. Crow: And James. Mike: James IS a guy. Crow: Not to the Queershippers, he's not. > So, please don't e-mail me to ask why Annie & Oakley get married, have kids, and such in my timeline. Crow: (Cori) Because I don't know either. > I'm not doing a yuri pairing or violating any laws of nature, here -- Mike: Lesbians violate the laws of nature? Servo: Damn, that's going to surprise Professor Ivy and her assistants. Mike: ...you've been at Pokemopolis again, haven't you? > my Annie & Oakley are completely different characters from the ones in the 5th movie. Servo: You said that already and we didn't care then either. > (And my characters have been around a whole helluva lot longer than the 5th movie has, so I refuse to change their names just because of moronic dubbing. +P) Crow: (Cori) The dubbers are poopyheads! > The pokemon breedings that take place in the latter part of this timeline do NOT follow the breeding principles of the game or the anime! All: ... Crow: I've read some of her sex scenes. I don't want to see it done to Team Rocket's Pokemon. They've suffered enough. > I know that it's possible to do all sorts of pokemon cross-breedings in the game, but from a scientific and logical standpoint, that's totally whacked. While I do believe that pokemon of different species can fall in love and become couples (as is the case with Arbok & Weezing and Growly & Ninetales), Crow: (Cori) Which is totally NOT whacked because living creatures of completely different species and body structure SOOOO often fall in love and have sweet, luvvy sex! > I don't think it's possible for them to produce offspring together. Mike: So, um, why are they going to have sexual urges towards each other then? > So, as far as I'm concerned, pokemon can only be bred to members of their own species. These breedings are in no way anti-Dogashippy or anti-Fireshippy -- Servo: Pity. > they're just a realistic way for pokemon couples of different species to have offspring. Also, mammalian pokemon do NOT hatch from eggs in this timeline -- they're live-born, just like real non-monotreme mammals. Crow: Mike, how do Voltorb's birth when they're neither mammal or egg-laying creatures? Mike: Ssshhh, when you're older. > So once again, please don't complain that the pokemon breedings are "wrong," "anti-Dogashippy," etc. Mike: Instead, complain Dogashipping is wrong. PLEASE complain it's wrong. > I'm not following the rules of the game, here -- I'm following the rules of science. Crow: (narrative) And then, as Pikachu fired his Thundershock attack from his cheeks, the electricity not only severely injured Team Rocket but they damaged his brain to the point of vegetable state. > And there ya have it. As you read this timeline, keep in mind that this is by no means an episode guide or a section of information on the Pokemon anime -- Tom: (Cori) Because the anime is Satan. > it's simply a reference guide that I made to illustrate when my stories take place. (And since I'm always writing stuff and thinking of new things to add, this page promises to be updated often!) Mike: There is no God. > I'd also like to give a very special thanks to my friends, Shigeru1313 and Charlene, for helping me with some of the dates and for letting me incorporate their characters and stories into this timeline! ^__^ Servo: I don't know these people and I already hate them. > Now, without further ado, I present the timeline of Team Rocket milestones (my version of it, anyway)! Mike: BRACE FOR IMPACT! DUCK AND COVER! Crow: FIRE IN THE HOLE! > @->->- Servo: STRANGE MIS-SHAPEN LINE-BREAK AT 3 O'CLOCK! Mike: OPEN FIRE! > September 5, 1847 -- Frank James O'Bannon born (James's great-great-grandfather) Mike: ... My God. She can't be writing out a timeline THAT long, can she? Filling out loads of meaningless details before we even REACH Team Rocket? Crow: PERMISSION TO WITHDRAW, SIR! Mike: GRANTED SOLDIER! ALL UNITS, FALL BACK! [All exit the theatre] TO BE CONTINUED. MAYBE. Crow: But Mike, I don't wanna MST the timeline! It smells funny and is too long! Servo: Oh suck it up, wuss. > December 19, 1847 -- Arianwen Rees born (James's great-great-grandmother) Mike: She never did live that first name down. > December 21, 1869 -- Frank O'Bannon & Arianwen Rees get married. Crow: December 22, 1869 -- Frank and Arianwen get divorced. > July 18, 1882 -- Aislinn O'Bannon born (James's great-grandmother) Mike: There seems to be a tradition in this family of giving girl's horrible names so they'll be bullied at school. Servo: Builds character, y'know. > January 31, 1883 -- Vincent Patrick Morgan born (James's great-grandfather) February 14, 1905 -- Vincent Morgan & Aislinn O'Bannon get married. Crow: August 18, 2004 -- Crow gets goddamn bored of reading this stupid boring timeline. Mike: Don't give in to the Dark Side. > February 15, 1912 -- James Vincent Morgan born Servo: What, James is born already?! Crow: Accident with a condom and time-machine? > (James's maternal grandfather) Bots: Ohhhhh. > May 17, 1912 -- Rose Deirdre Fitzpatrick born (James's maternal grandmother) > July 4, 1920 -- Malcolm Parker born (Jessie's great-grandfather) Mike: Wait, James is up to his grandparents but Jessie has only reached her great-grandparents? Aren't they the same age? Servo: And I do NOT see Jessie's great-great-grandparents being mentioned anyway! Such sexism! Mike: Sexism? Cori's a woman herself. Servo: Have you SEEN Jessie's depicitation in this fics? > November 9, 1921 -- Rachael Moignahan born (Jessie's great-grandmother) Mike: Again, where did her great-great-grandparents go? If James' are getting mentioned- Crow: Mike, the less relatives we get, the shorter this thing is. Don't knock it. > November 9, 1930 Servo: Adolf, whilst feeling down, hears that you should never give up on your dreams. Whoops. Crow: Are you saying Ash and all the other cartoon heroes teaching us to always strive and never give up are going to be responsible for the next generation of villains and despots? Servo: Yes. Crow: Come on! That's baloney! Everyone knows Skeletor and Megatron are the REAL preachers of never giving up! [starry eyes] The way they never stopped using the same plan over and over, no matter the setbacks... Great men. Great men. > -- Eric Quentin Woodson born (James's paternal grandfather) Mike: Sixteen years later, he behinds the proud family tradition of crossdressing. > February 18, 1932 -- Miranda Elanor Richmond born (James's paternal grandmother) > December 31, 1932 -- Crow: Miranda, realising her grandchild will be subjected to Cori fics, heroically attempts to sterilise herself but fails. > Jim Morgan & Rose Fitzpatrick get married. Mike: And all they get as gifts is tupperware. > May 9, 1941 Mike: The Battle for Britain continues. The invasion of Asia by Japan continues. Overshadowing these brutal horrors, this damn timeline continues. > -- Ahearn Caleb Rochester born (Jessie's paternal grandfather) Crow: Tom? Why is Cori telling us all this unimportant stuff? Servo: Because she hates us, Crow. > November 1, 1941 -- Malcolm Parker & Rachael Moignahan get married. Servo: I can't remember, are these relatives of Jessie or James? Mike: I have no idea anymore. > July 25, 1942 -- Miriel Gwenllian Gilmore born (Jessie's paternal grandmother) Servo: Where's Meowth's grandparents and similar? Crow: He doesn't kiss anyone or have a twoo luv relationship. He's not important enough for one. > July 17, 1943 -- Jesse Declan Parker born (Jessie's maternal grandfather) December 2, 1944 -- Musashi Matsuki born (Jessie's maternal grandmother) Mike: Why does everyone in these families only have two children, one for each sex? Why not just one or more that two? Crow: Yeah, don't they know every sperm is sacred? > June 27, 1953 -- Eric Woodson & Miranda Richmond get married. Servo: Hey, we're skipping ahead! This is good! The end's in sight! Mike: It's not, the list is still HUGE. Servo: Crap! > August 14, 1956 -- Quentin Edgar Woodson born (James's dad) August 28, 1957 -- Judith Aislinn Morgan born (James's mom) Servo: Bah! James came from aristocracy! Clearly his parents are really brother and sister! > October 21 - 25, 1961 -- Crow: A young Professor Oak drops out of Pokemon Tech and experiments with pot. > Jim & Rose Morgan accompany Samuel & Vivien Oak Crow: But they're more LSD people, so they soon leave. > on an archaeological exploration of the ruins of Yew. Rose & Vivien encounter the spirit of Queen Ayesha and drive her back into the darkness. Mike: I do believe we've found our first bit of blatant canon divergence and total fanon, gentlement. Servo: Quick! Shoot it before it breeds! > March 3, 1962 Crow: Oak is into the third day of his legendary Mondo Trip. > -- Jesse Parker & Musashi Matsuki get married. Servo: Jesse soon starts seeing his secretary. > October 10, 1962 Crow: Oak finally comes out of his Mondo Trip and is surprised to find himself outside Vegas. > -- Ahearn Rochester & Miriel Gilmore get married. April 8, 1964 -- Dorian Ahearn Rochester born (Jessie's dad) Mike: Can't someone just ONCE have children out of wedlock? This IS the 60s, y'know. > December 9, 1964 Crow: Oak progresses to the harder stuff. > -- Miyamoto Melissa Parker born (Jessie's mom) Servo: Miyamoto, energetic and workoholic Rocket from the Japanese CD Drama's who farmed out Jessie to a foster-mother. Bet you a fiver she gets Sue-ised into a paragon of good parenting and sainthood. Crow: I don't throw my money away, Servo. > April 8, 1971 Crow: Oak's band finally hits the mainstream and drug abuse soon means he needs a third liver transplant. > -- Ahearn & Miriel give Dorian a Ponyta colt for his 7th birthday. Dorian names him Mike: Fred. > Diablo. Mike: Poseur. > September 14, 1971 Crow: Oak, while on European tour, encounters the future Sex Pistols who beat him up for spare change. > -- Bradley Duncan Rochester born (Jessie's uncle) Servo: One day, he'll teach a young Jessie how to use a gun and will then be robbed at gunpoint. > December 25, 1971 Crow: Oak forced into rehab by family. > -- Ahearn & Miriel give Dorian a Ponyta filly for Christmas. Dorian names her Mike: Jill. > Snowmane. Mike: I hate this guy already. > January 1975 Crow: Oak stuns scientific community with radical "Why Pichu Sucks" theory. > -- Miyamoto enrolls at Pokemon Tech Servo: She threw herself into the life of protests and political activism with abandon. Mike: After graduating, she became a Republican banker. > and receives a Dratini. Mike: It's never a normal Pokemon, is it? > December 1978 -- Miyamoto graduates as valedictorian from Pokemon Tech. Servo: My Canon!Sue-sense is tingling. > January 5, 1979 -- Dorian & Miyamoto meet at a school play of Romeo & Juliet. All: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRG! Mike: That is just so sappy, it makes me teeth hurt. Crow: It's a cover-up, they really met in a bar when sloshed. > June 1, 1979 -- Quentin Woodson & Judith Morgan get married. Servo: For his money. > June 1979 -- Dorian & Miyamoto set out on a pokemon journey together. Miyamoto registers for the Orange League. Crow: Dorian sadly eaten by wild Pokemon four days into the journey. > Early July 1979 -- Miyamoto catches a Magikarp and a Kabuto. Mike: She caught... an extinct Pokemon. Servo: Ah, hallmark of the canon character made Mary Sue. Mike: Her raising Jessie is going to be gushy and sweet, isn't it? Crow: Be strong, man. > Late July 1979 -- Miyamoto's Magikarp & Kabuto evolve into Gyarados & Kabutops. Snowmane & Diablo evolve into Rapidashes. Mike: Dorian and Miyamoto's elation collapses after they notice the rise in cost of Pokemon feeding. > September 13, 1979 -- Miyamoto wins an Orange League championship. All: OF COURSE. Servo: Not like anybody fails their first time out, is it? > October 1979 -- Dorian & Miyamoto resume their pokemon journey. Miyamoto registers for the Indigo League and receives a Charmander from Professor Oak. Crow: Along with 50 pounds of uncut cocaine. The feds were onto him, he needed to get rid of it. Servo: Pssst, Mike! The Mad's aren't watching us right now, here's our chance to sneak out of the theatre! Mike: To the beer! [All stampede out] Crow: Mike, how long are we going to be MSTing this timeline for? Mike: You don't want to know. Crow: ...dear God. > November 1979 -- Miyamoto catches an Ekans. Charmander evolves into Charmeleon. > March 1980 -- Miyamoto's Ekans evolves into Arbok. Charmeleon evolves into Charizard. Servo: How is this significant to Team Rocket? What POSSIBLE bearing does this have on their lives?! WHY IS THIS BEING WRI- Crow: Tom, buddy! Conserve your hate! You'll need it later! > May 1, 1980 -- Dorian & Miyamoto have a close encounter of the twerp kind with Ash Hull Ketchum (Ash's dad). Dorian defeats him in a pokemon battle. All: HOW CONVINIENT. Mike: Yes, we know Ash is crap. You don't have to rub it in like salt into wounds. > May 25, 1980 -- Miyamoto wins an Indigo League championship. Dorian & Miyamoto become lovers. Crow: Mike? Am I wrong to wish their life wasn't so sickeningly sweet and easy, and that they had terrible hardships to face? Mike: Not in this case. Servo: She won the League with HOW few Pokemon? Did all the serious candidates have the flue that year or something? > July 1980 -- Dorian & Miyamoto continue their pokemon journey. Crow: In between the preceeding events, they were on the run from the law after being framed for murder. After tracking down the One-Armed Man to the Village, they cleared their names but spent some time working out who Number One was. It turned out to be a man named Fred. > Miyamoto registers for the Johto League. Servo: (Johto League) Piss off. > August 1980 -- Miyamoto catches a Donphan and a Houndour. September 1980 -- Miyamoto's Dratini evolves into Dragonair. Houndour evolves into Houndoom. Crow: And then turn on their human slavemasters and eat them? Mike: No, Crow. Crow: Awwwww. > October 1980 -- Miyamoto wins the 1980 Whirl Cup and receives the title of Water Pokemon Alpha Omega. Mike: Doesn't this girl ever lose matches? Is she blessed by God or something? God: Hey, don't blame Me for Cori fics, bud! Mike: ...that was weird. > Early March 1982 -- Jessie conceived Crow: (Doctor) For some reason, sonograph is showing a mallet developing along with the fetus... > May 23, 1982 -- Miyamoto wins a Johto League championship. She tells Dorian she's pregnant that night. Servo: So she wouldn't have if she'd lost? Mike: (Miyamoto) This bulge in my stomach? It's... me getting fat. Yes. > @->->- Crow: On the same night, a hideous mutant mass of characters is born into the world, laying waste to all before it. > December 13, 1982 -- Jessica Rachael Parker born Servo: And starts bashing the midwife over the head with blunt objects. Mike: (Dorian) Awwww, she's got your tendency to violence, dear. > December 14, 1982 -- Dorian tries to come back to Miyamoto & Jessie, but he's scared away when he learns that Miyamoto joined Team Rocket. Mike: What. The. Hell. Servo: So all the above MASS OF CRAP was relevant to Team Rocket's past, but Miyamoto's actual _joining_ of Team Rocket isn't relevant? What made Cori think this?! Crow: So _that's_ where Oak's former stashes of drugs ended up... > January 29, 1983 -- James Eric Woodson born Mike: So no mention of him being concieved? Servo: Mike, the upper-classes don't do such vulgar things! They grew him in a tube instead. > January 31, 1983 -- Jim & Rose Morgan open a CD in James's name and deposit 1 million dollars in it. Mike: ...a WHAT? CD? Huh? > The CD is scheduled to mature on James's 21st birthday. Servo: (Baby James) Well, what are you doing for me NOW? > July 31, 1983 -- At the tender age of 6 months, James sabotages his Christening ceremony with a well-timed tantraum. Mike: He picked up anarchist principles at a young age. > March 17, 1987 -- Meowth born Servo: (Meowth) DAMN it's cold out here! Mike: Oh, so he doesn't merit a long timeline of ancestors, eh? > January 1988 -- Dorian breeds Snowmane & Diablo. Crow: ...with each other, right? Mike: YES, Crow. Crow: With... THOSE fanfics around, you can't be too sure these days. > March 19 - 26, 1988 -- James finds an injured Growlithe puppy while on a walk with his grand-mama on the afternoon of the 19th. He spends the week nursing the Growlithe back to health with the help of his grand-mama & grand-papa. Servo: Such disrespect for the natural order of things. What are the scavengers going to eat now, that's what I want to know! > March 27, 1988 -- Quentin & Judith let James keep the Growlithe after buying him from his owners and getting papers for him. James names the Growlithe Growly. Mike: Hey, our first non-pretentious Pokemon nickname! Crow: Still crap though. Mike: Well, at least he's trying. > July 17, 1988 -- After a disappointing day at church, Crow: (Young James) So I can't wear skirts in Heaven? Whatta rip! > James visits his grandparents and spends the afternoon meditating with them in their garden. Mike: Is there attempted religious favouritism going on here? Servo: Everyone know's Cthulhu worship is the best religion anyway... Crow: Cthulhu's a wuss. GO DAGON! Servo: BLASPHEMER! > October 30, 1988 -- Kajika Silverwolf (James's 3rd cousin) born Mike: Oh Jesus NO. Crow: Who, WHO, has the surname Silverwolf and why haven't they been shot? Servo: Kids, every time a Mary Sue is born, God kills a kitten. God: Damn straight. Mike: ...That is REALLY disturbing. > November 11, 1988 -- Snowmane gives birth to a shiny Ponyta filly. Dorian names her Mike: Eyesore. > Roheryn. Mike: Damn it. > April 15 - 22, 1989 -- While visiting his grandma & grandpa Woodson on the 15th, James finds a sick Bellsprout in the woods on their estate. He and his grandparents nurse the Bellsprout back to health. Servo: Damn it kid, stop messing with the ecosystem like this! Those carnivores gotta eat! Mike: It's herbivores for Bellsprout's, isn't it? Servo: Maybe the carnivores are taking up vegetarianism. > April 23, 1989 -- James's parents won't let him keep the Bellsprout and release it back into the wild. Servo: See? Those parents are smart. They know not to mess with nature like that. > December 4, 1989 -- Dorian receives a letter from Miyamoto and decides to return to her and Jessie for good. Mike: So, he completely forgot all about that whole 'Team Rocket' thing? Crow: (Dorian) Sure, it's an evil and dangerous group of terrorists & criminals, but damn it I want that sweet Miyamoto nookie! > December 6, 1989 -- En route to Viridian City, Dorian stops for the night in Pallet Town. Servo: (Delilah Ketchum) Thanks for the drugs Mr Dorian, but are you sure they won't effect my son in the womb? Crow: (Dorian) Just gimme the damn money for 'em, bitch. > He meets and befriends the Oaks, Jim & Rose Morgan, and James. Mike: Damn, everyone's related somehow in this timeline, aren't they? Crow: (singing) IIIIII'M my own grandpa! > December 7, 1989 -- Miyamoto leaves on her mission to find Mew. Mike: Did you check down the sofa? It's amazing what gets down there. > Dorian meets Jessie later that morning when she's skipping school. He buys breakfast and lunch for her and befriends her, Servo: Miyamoto, the saintly and perfect mother who never taught her daughter not to go off with strangers. Crow: This is Jessie. She's probably packing heat. > but she doesn't know that he's her father. Mike: (Miyamoto) So, her father's coming back in a few days. Should I tell her? Mmmmmmm, nah. > December 8, 1989 -- Dorian & Miyamoto are reunited in Saffron City. Servo: Yeah, great job you're doing looking for that Mew, girl. > December 9, 1989 -- Dorian gives Roheryn to Miyamoto as a 25th birthday present. Crow: (Miyamoto) I wanted shoes. > They get married that afternoon. > December 10, 1989 -- Dorian accompanies Miyamoto on her mission to the Andes. Mike: Can't he even PRETEND to still object to her being in Team Rocket? > December 14, 1989 -- Miyamoto, Dorian, and the other 2 agents are caught in an avalanche while searching for Mew. Mike: They've escaped Cori fics. Lucky bastards. Crow: Miyamoto shows up as a ghost. Mike: No peace even in death? Man. > December 21, 1989 -- Jessie learns that her mother died on the mission but still knows nothing about her father. She's kidnapped by Dan'in and forced to join Team Rocket. Servo: (Team Rocket Boss) We don't have enough small children in our organisation! How can we crack the genome or build war machines without them?! > December 24, 1989 -- Santa's Jynx steals Jessie's doll. Jessie loses her faith in Christmas spirit. Crow: You're well out of it kid, it's all a big con by The Man! > January 1990 -- Ahearn & Miriel and Jesse & Musashi learn of what happened to Dorian & Miyamoto and go to search for their granddaughter. Crow: Being old people, the cold at the Andes kills them pretty damn quick. > Arianna Razzo makes them believe that Jessie is dead. Mike: With no body, medical reports or witnesses? Servo: (Razzo) Look, just trust me on this. > April 12, 1990 -- James's parents engage him to Jessiebelle Ophelia Coldfield. Crow: (James's parents) Maybe this'll install some discipline in him! Mike: Engage their son at a young age to a psychotic? Let Jessie be parentless for 7 days and then kidnapped? Where are Social Services in Kanto?! > June 1990 -- Meowth goes to Hollywood. Crow: He started off with bit-parts in action movies before becoming a fully-fledged stuntman, until he decided to get interested in directing. His first film, Fear And Loathing In Neon City, won three Academy Awards. > July 28, 1990 -- James's dad threatens to send him to military school. Mike: Military school threatens to send him right back again. > James's grandma & grandpa Woodson intervene and protect him. Servo: (Woodson) Ah'm here to protect James by kicking ass and chew bubblegum. And mister, Ah'm running low on bubblegum... > August 22, 1990 Crow: Meowth involved in Hollywood prostitution scandel. > -- Meowth meets Meowsie. Crow: I was half right. > September 1990 - September 1991 -- Meowth teaches himself to walk and talk. Mike: Soon he's able to voice his true opinion on this timeline. > October 31, 1991 -- Meowth is rejected by Meowsie and leaves Hollywood. Crow: That's not the way Hollywood tells it... > January 5, 1992 -- Jessie enrolls at nursing school. > January 6, 1992 -- Jessie befriends Chansey on the first day of class. > June 12, 1992 -- Jessie flunks out of nursing school. Chansey gives Jessie part of her egg pendant as a gift after the graduation ceremony. Mike: (Cori) Well, that's that icky canon out of the way- now let's go make shit up! > June 20, 1992 -- While trying to flee from one of Jessiebelle's "ettiquette lessons," James is attacked by her Oddish and falls ill when he inhales Stun Spores. James's grand-mama & grand-papa rescue him from Jessiebelle and cure him with a tea made from boiled Salvea Weed. > June 21 - 27, 1992 -- James stays with his grandparents and recovers from his illness. Servo: Never occurs to them to go to social services or the cops over the abuse of James, does it? Lousy bastards. > June 28, 1992 -- Jim & Rose try to break off James's engagement to Jessiebelle. James's parents forbid the Morgans from seeing their grandson anymore. > July - October 1992 -- Jim & Rose try to bring child abuse charges against Quentin & Judith so that they can receive custody of James. Mike: Took you damn long enough! > September 20, 1992 -- James takes a Danzig album to church and listens to it instead of the preacher and Sunday school teacher. Mike: That doesn't seem James' taste. A bit too... pretentious. OK, a lot pretentious. And not in the way James likes his pretentiousness. Crow: Isn't it strange how Team Rocket's taste are JUST like Cori Falls... Servo: Maybe it was Kevin Danzig, Modern Folk and Acoustic Guitar man. Mike: That would make more sense. > When the teacher finds the CD and hears James listening to the song, Godless, Mike: She tells him off for listening to crap. Crow: (Teacher) Here, try the Sex Pistols instead. > it causes a riot in Sunday school. Servo: Crap music offends God. > October 18, 1992 -- Rose Morgan passes away. > November 1, 1992 -- Jim Morgan passes away. Mike: Old people normally die years apart. But that would wouldn't be romantic now would it? Crow: ROMANCE KILLS THE ELDERLY! NO ONE IS SAFE! > December 6, 1992 -- James takes the inheritance his grandparents left him and runs away from home. > January 3, 1993 -- James uses his inheritance to enroll at Pokemon Tech. Crow: Between these dates, he moonlighted as an understudy in a Rocky Horror tour. > Arianna enrolls Jessie at Pokemon Tech. > January 4, 1993 -- Jessie & James meet on the first day of class. They become friends that afternoon. Servo: (Jessie) You mean you like crossdressing too? Mike: Why do they keep enrolling in schools after the first term's already been and gone? No wonder they keep flunking! > June 11, 1993 -- Jessie & James flunk out of Pokemon Tech and run away together. Mike: Quickly they realise that life in a cardboard box sucks ass. > January 18, 1995 -- Meowth's travels bring him to Viridian City. Crow: He leaves behind a legacy of daring deeds, raided tombs, many liasons and the best MI6 track record since Bond. > January 19, 1995 -- Meowth meets Giovanni and joins Team Rocket. Mike: (Giovanni) Our only vacancy is Toilet Cleaner, will that be a problem? > July 20, 1996 -- Jessie & James arrive in Sunny Town and join the bike gang. Crow: This was to hide from pursuing Federal agents, who were after them for their year as hackers & saboteurs for the notorious anarchist group Let's Smash Some Windows. Mike: Those Sex Pistols CDs made a big impression on James, it seems. > December 19, 1997 -- Jessie & James go to a Christmas party with the bike gang. James gets drunk. > December 20, 1997 -- Jessie takes care of James while he recovers from his hangover. Servo: By which we mean she hit him and yelled 'Get over it, wuss!'. > James gives Jessie a pair of emerald earrings as an early Christmas present, and Jessie gives James a set of leather Crow: Corsets. > -bound Tolkien books. Servo: (James) Thanks, but I was expecting corsets. > January 1998 -- Arianna Razzo passes away. Giovanni takes over as leader of Team Rocket. > March 15, 1998 -- Jessie & James join Team Rocket. Mike: Final, clinching proof that Giovanni didn't get the job because of his brains. Servo: C'mon Mike, they weren't incompetent YET! Mike: We've only get their word for it. > April - June 1998 -- Jessie & James's trainee period (This is when they met Meowth, Annie Pacotto & Oakley Hall. Mike: And the poor bastards were doomed to an eternity of Cori fics because of it. > Jessie also dated Antonio Siciliano during the month of June and broke up with him on the 29th.) Servo: He suggested she cut her hair. He had to go. Crow: And they never found the body. Mike: And now, ALL FLEE! [All make a break for the exits] Servo: Don't look at this. Believe me, I wish I hadn't. > July 5, 1998 -- Jessie & James are promoted from trainees to Dan'in. Servo: July 6 -- kicked out of Dan'in for nudity. > December 13, 1998 -- James gives Ekans to Jessie as a 16th birthday present. Mike: (James) I saw this poisonous killing machine and thought of you! > December 25, 1998 -- Jessie gives Koffing to James as a Christmas present. Servo: (James) And I was only expecting a tie. > January 1, 1999 -- Jessie & James are promoted from Dan'in to field-agents. > January - Early March 1999 -- Jessie & James train new Team Rocket members as their first assignment before being sent into the field. Servo: Those two were tasked to train new members when they had no experience of their own? Mike: And now you can see the strategic greatness that got Team Rocket where it is today. > (This is when they met Mondo Cole, Crow: RUN, CANON CHARACTER! RUN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! Cairdea Underhill, Emanuela D'Andrea & Simone Prata.) Mike: That's it, Cori's not allowed to come up with character names anymore. Crow: (Egon) Those last three names have driven the Mary Sue readings off the scale. We could be dealing with a Class-7 localised-canon Secondary Character of the Saintly-And-Dull Mate genus. I suggest upgrading weaponry. > March 17, 1999 -- Annie, Oakley, Mondo, Cairdea, Emanuela & Simone Mike: Kryten, Rimmer, Holly, Lister, Kochanski, The Cat... Servo: Tai, Sora, Izzy, Agumon, TK, Gatomon... Crow: Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles, Anya, Cordelia... > give our heroes the Meowth balloon so that they can travel and do their field-work in style. Mike: (Mary Sues) We could've got you an actual car, but we're tightwads. > Meowth takes up piloting with the help of Jessie & James. Crow: Meowth IS the Red Baron. > March 24, 1999 -- Gary, Ash, and some other beginning trainers leave Pallet Town to begin their pokemon journey. (Pokemon series begins.) > March 25, 1999 -- Our heroes have their first encounter with the scourge that is Ash Noober Ketchum at the Viridian City Pokemon Center. Mike: Alright! Canon! I've missed it! Servo: Noober? His middle name is a bastardisation of newbie and sounds like booger? Crow: Gotta love the subtlety with which she paints Ash's character! > May 19, 1999 -- Jessie, James & Meowth return to headquarters to celebrate Mondo's birthday. Mike: (Mondo) A tie! Just what I've always wanted! > May 31, 1999 -- Jessie & James revisit Pokemon Tech. Crow: With bulldozers. Servo: Isn't it fun how previously we had huge amounts of unnecessary fanon detail, but actual canon stuff is brushed over? Crow: If by fun, you mean "inducing rage", then yes. > August 15 - 16, 1999 -- Jessie, James & Meowth are caught in the St. Anne shipwreck. (To Protect the World From Devastation takes place on the 16th.) Crow: (Cori) Screw the actual episode- my fanfic that inserts shit around the ep is THE TRUTH! > August 17 - 18, 1999 -- After a Gyarados attack, Meowth, Ekans & Koffing are separated from Jessie & James. Humans and pokemon are reunited at Giovanni's theme park. > August 19, 1999 -- After recovering from the shipwreck, Cairdea goes home to her family and retires from Team Rocket. Mike: Wait, SHE wasn't on the St Anne! Servo: Shush Mike, we're getting rid a Sue! Don't know it! > September 2 - 4, 1999 -- To Denounce the Evils of Truth and Love (Jessie, James & Meowth arrive in Maiden's Peak on the 2nd, Jessie rescues James from the ghost on the night of the 3rd, and they celebrate the End of Summer Festival on the evening of the 4th.) Crow: That would be the fanfic where Jessie says she stands against the EVILS of truth and love, as in the bad things about it. I read the bit of the fic on it. And then I sporked my eyes out. Mike: I remember that. I was very bad of you Crow, we couldn't get any spares until the next week. > September 9, 1999 -- Cairdea learns that Jessie, James & Meowth survived the shipwreck. She spends all night talking on the phone with them. Servo: They talk on the phone to a Sue. Such a useful thing to know about Team Rocket's history. I hope Cairdea got a damn large phone bill. > September 30, 1999 -- En route to Celadon City, our heroes are attacked by a horde of wild Mankeys & Primeapes. Crow: (James) No! They've heard about Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes film and they're out for BLOOD! > Ekans & Koffing defeat most of them and drive off the rest. Jessie, James & Meowth capture the defeated pokemon and send them to Giovanni. Mike: OK, yes, Poison Pokemon do have an advantage over Fighting Pokemon, but against THAT MANY? I call bullshit. Servo: Jessie has a bazooka. By "sent captured Pokemon to Giovanni", Cori means "sent bloody & mangled corpses to Giovanni". > October 13 - 31, 1999 -- Jessie, James & Meowth run Salon Roquet in Celadon City. Mike: And it was very cool. Even Cori has sussed it's too cool for her to bastardise and she's left it well alone. Maybe there's hope yet. > November 9, 1999 -- Ekans & Koffing evolve into Arbok & Weezing with Jessie & James's tears of love. Crow: And then get the love-evolved butts kicked. > November 27, 1999 -- After our heroes challenge the twerps to a pokemon-catching contest in the Safari Zone, James finds a Weepinbell. Weepinbell recognizes James as the person who saved his life when he was a Bellsprout and allows James to catch him. Mike: Well, wasn't THAT convinient? Servo: How did it get all the way to Safari Zone? Crow: In the years between its two encounters with James, Weepinbell nee Bellsprout was a nomad bohemian, dropping out of society & its hypocrisy and going where the wind took it. He finally settled down in Safari to be closer to Gaia, and because of the many, many wild-growing cannabis plants. > December 1, 1999 -- Jessie & James revisit Sunny Town. Mike: Not Cori keeps missing out the "and get their asses kicked" bits of this tales. > December 13, 1999 -- James & Meowth throw a birthday party for Jessie. Servo: (Jessie) A tie? You bastards. > December 22 - 24, 1999 -- James & Meowth help Jessie get her stolen doll back from Santa Claus and his Jynx. Mike: And try to steal all the other presents, which is at odds with the portrayal of them as saints in the rest of Cori's site- gee, I wonder why Cori neglects to mention they did THAT? > December 26 - 31, 1999 -- To Unite All Peoples Within Our Nation Mike: And the motto-themed fics are OUT OF ORDER. > ("Snow Way Out" is on the 26th and 27th, James keeps Jessie warm when she comes down with pneumonia on the night of the 27th, and Mondo rescues them on the morning of the 28th. Jessie spends the 28th - 30th recovering from pneumonia, and she wakes up on New Year's Eve.) Crow: I think I know how he kept her warm... Servo: They don't screw until later on. Crow: Oh. Then how DID he manage it? Servo: I have no clue and I READ the damn fic. > January 5, 2000 -- Jessie & James borrow Mondo's Ditto in exchange for Meowth. Meowth comes back and rescues Jessie, James & Mondo when they're attacked by Beedrills. Servo: God bless canon events, coming in to try and save us. > January 11 - 14, 2000 -- Seven Shades of Red (Jessie, James & Meowth arrive in Dark City and get hired as bodyguards for the Kas Gym on the night of the 11th. "Showdown at Dark City" is on the 14th, and Jessie & James's hot spring bath is the night of the 14th.) Mike: They got their asses kicked there as well. Servo: At the springs? Mike: Even there. > January 22, 2000 -- Meowth helps Cassandra's Paras evolve into Parasect with the assistance of Jessie & James. Crow: With the help of _Arbok and Weezing_! Remember these two guys? The ones who do the legwork?! Some day the proletariat will rise, beeyatch! > January 29, 2000 -- Jessie & Meowth throw a birthday party for James. Mike: (James) Awwww, this tie has a smilie face on! > February 5 - 6, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth meet Miyamoto's old Kabutops when they're trapped in a cavern beneath Grandpa Canyon. Mike: How did it get there and again, why does she have a dead Pokemon? > Kabutops protects our heroes from the rest of the prehistoric pokemon and helps them get back to the surface. Servo: One Kabutops VS two Kabutops, two Kabuto's, two Omanytes, two Omastars and one Aerodactyl, all of which are very touch. Yeah, I bet he was GREAT at protecting them from all that lot. > February 13, 2000 -- Jessie & Meowth learn that James's family is rich and take him home to collect his inheritance. James breaks off his engagement to Jessiebelle and returns to Jessie & Meowth that night. Servo: Oh look, Ash's involvement in helping James is completely whited-out. How much like Stalin's Russia. Crow: (Cori) He was bourgoise, he had to go. > February 14, 2000 -- Jessie & Meowth throw a "welcome back" party for James. Jessie writes a letter to James, where she admits that she's in love with him, but she doesn't give it to him. Mike: Waste of paper, that. > February 20 - 21, 2000 -- "Maternal" Instincts (Meowth mothers Togepi's egg on the 20th. He loses Togepi to Ash in a tournament on the 21st but lets Misty keep him when he sees that Togepi imprinted on her.) Crow: Bollocks! What really happened is that Togepi had transfered his evil character-changing mind control from Meowth to Misty, and so Meowth suddenly lost all interest in the Egg-Fiend! Clearly Cori is part of Togepi's master plan! Togepi: Indeed! Crow: ... Mike: This is starting to get silly. > February 26, 2000 -- James takes his Weepinbell to a pokemon spa for a vacation. Servo: Because he's too cheap to afford Hawaii. > February 27, 2000 -- Jessie & James take a Pokemon League entrance exam to try and earn an equivalency badge, but they fail because Mike: They were crap. > of biased testing practices. Mike: That too. > Exam-Man tries to kidnap Meowth, but he escapes that evening. Servo: That didn't happen! Mike: Remember- if anyone ever stood against Team Rocket, they were really evil uber-criminals. > February 28, 2000 -- After Meowth is reunited with Jessie & James, they report Exam-Man to Pokemon League for attempted kidnapping and unethical conduct. Crow: Since the kidnapping never happened, the League does shit. Mike: TEAM ROCKET AGENTS took legal action against people who kidnapped and were unethical? This is the pot calling the kettle black after the pot was dumped in a vat of paint so black it destroys light. > Exam-Man is fired that afternoon, and our heroes take his Meowth to Giovanni. Crow: (Jessie): We've defeated a Pokemon kidnapper! Now let's kidnap his Pokemon! > February 29, 2000 -- James rescues his newly-evolved Victreebel from Butch & Cassidy's fake pokemon spa. Servo: He regrets rescuing it after the fourth attempt at head digestion. > March 3, 2000 -- Jessie catches Lickitung at the Princess Festival. She loses the tournament, and James dresses as a doll for her. Crow: As does Meowth and the other Pokemon! THEY DO EXIST, CORI! > March 5, 2000 -- Meowth is "hero for a day" to Timmy. Mike: He kicked the shit out of the Joker and everything. > He gives Jessie & James their last Kids' Day celebration that night. Servo: What did he do? Mike: Bought them Transformers stuff? I dunno. Crow: (Jessie) A tie of our idol Waspinator! Alright! > March 17, 2000 -- Jessie & James throw a birthday party for Meowth. Mike: (Meowth) We really need ta find other gifts than ties. > March 25, 2000 -- Giovanni makes Jessie, James & Meowth the leaders of the Viridian Gym for the day. Mike: And it gets blown to bits. Wonder why that was left out? Servo: (Giovanni) Ah, doesn't matter, I have a whole draw full of them. > March 29, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth come to Giovanni's aid when Mewtwo blows up Team Rocket Headquarters, outside Viridian City. Crow: If by "comes to aid" you mean "were walking there at the time it happened", then yes. Mike: I'll say one thing for Giovanni, he can be at ground zero of an explosion that destroys a building, and not even his suit gets destroyed. That takes skill. > April 1, 2000 -- In the wake of the destruction of the Viridian Gym and Team Rocket Headquarters, Jessie, James & Meowth accompany Giovanni to the Seafoam Islands for a much-needed vacation. Crow: (Giovanni) Sunblock. My back. Now. > April 7, 2000 -- Giovanni returns from the Seafoam Islands and sets up a temporary headquarters in Celadon City. Crow: Meaning he rented out a room above a porn shop. > April 16 - 18, 2000 -- Jessie & James accompany Meowth on his return to Hollywood. Mike: He needed extras in his contraversial musical interpretation of Citizen Kane. > (They help him rescue Meowsie from the Meowth gang on the night of the 17th/morning of the 18th.) Crow: With help from ARBOK AND WEEZING, THE DOWNTRODDEN WORKERS! > April 29 - 30, 2000 -- Out of Maple Syrup ("Bad to the Bone" is on the 29th. Jessie & James make up and become a couple on the morning of the 30th.) Mike: Which is an odd episode to become a couple after. Servo: And it took them THAT LONG to become a couple? These two are slower than the post office. > May 16, 2000 -- Meowth finds out that Jessie & James have become a couple. Servo: As is Meowth. Mike: (Meowth) So DAT'S what all the sex was about! > May 19, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth throw a birthday party for Mondo at Indigo Village. Servo: (Mondo) Still can't afford more then ties, can you? > Mondo finds out that Jessie & James have become a couple. Mike: (Mondo) ...and? > May 21, 2000 -- Indigo finals end. Jessie & James become lovers that night. Crow: I refuse to believe Team Rocket would wait THAT LONG after becoming a couple. This is TEAM ROCKET. They are decadent pervs. Just look at the Apoculo episode. > May 25 - 26, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth witness Mewtwo's battle with Mew and enjoy a beautiful day on New Island. Servo: Then crap themselve as they realise they have no idea how to get back home as there's no boats on New Island. > May 27, 2000 -- Jessie & James give Meowth and their pokemon a vacation at Pokemon Paradise. Arbok & Weezing become a couple. All: URK. Mike: Are they even biologically compatible? Crow: I don't wanna know. > May 29, 2000 -- Our heroes crash Ash's "victory party" in Pallet Town. Mike: I vaguely remember something about them dropping explosives on said party too... Maybe I'm mistaken... > May 30, 2000 -- Giovanni assigns Jessie, James & Meowth to the Blimp Brigade. Mike: As they're expendable. Crow: And then Togepi nearly kills so many people in that episode. Evil bastard. > June 10, 2000 -- Jessie & James help save Meowth and the pokemon of The Big Orange from Butch & Cassidy. Servo: Ash, that Jenny and Gastly and Togepi weren't there, of course. Crow: Do NOT give credit to Togepi. He just wanted to rid himself of his competition. > June 15, 2000 -- Blood on the Moon Mike: Huh. No synopsis of this event. THANK GOD. God: No problem. > June 20, 2000 -- Our heroes arrive in the Grapefruit Islands. James makes candied grapefruit peels for Jessie & Meowth that night. Servo: We care WHY? > June 23, 2000 -- Meowth washes up on Cat Island after being separated from Jessie & James during a blast-off. > June 24, 2000 -- Meowth chooses friendship with Jessie & James over being a god to the Cat Islanders. Servo: That was a cool episode. Crow: Made cooler by Cori not bastardising it and adding crap. Servo: Amen. > June 25 - 27, 2000 -- The Power That's Inside Crow: Pokemon! Gotta Catch- Mike: Stop. > (On the 25th, Jessie & James are attacked by Scythers, and Meowth battles the swarm to uphold Team Rocket's honor. His tears of love make Jessie & James's hair grow back. All: URK. Crow: I really can't see Meowth doing that and living. Scyther's are hard and he's... not. Mike: And tears can't stimulate organic growth. They can NOT affect living things structurally. Curse you, Mewtwo Strikes Back, for saying otherwise and getting this damn fic made! > Meowth also sees Miyamoto and learns that she's their guardian spirit. Mike: (Miyamoto) I thought death would get me out of Cori fics and Suedom. I was wrong. Clearly I sinned in life and am now in Hell. > On the 26th - 27th, our heroes take a couple days off to recuperate from the Scyther incident.) Crow: Wimps. > June 29 - 30, 2000 -- The Thorns of the Rose (On the 29th, Jessie has painful memories of her breakup with Antonio Mike: Oh come on! This is JESSIE. She's not the wangsty type. Crow: Anyway, this being Jessie, HE'D be the one with painful memories. As in, memories of pain. > and takes her mind off of it by formulating a Nidoran-napping plan. On the 30th, Jessie & James pose as a bride & groom to kidnap the Nidorans. Servo: (James) Does this bride dress make me look fat? > After their plan is foiled by the twerps, Mike: Wait, this is bad? Wasn't foiling kidnapping a GOOD thing and kidnapping itself a bad thing a few pages back? Crow: It's only bad when people who aren't Cori's favourite characters do it. Then, it's a directive from God. > Jessie tells James about her abusive ex Mike: Jessie is a powerhouse and carries blunt objects all the time. I pity anyone trying to abuse her. > , and James promises never to hurt her. Servo: (James) Hell, I don't want to be beaten up by you! > They become engaged to be engaged that night.) All: Whooo. > July 9 - 12, 2000 -- Quentin & Judith Woodson sue Ash, and "Dewey, Cheatum & Howe" defend him in court. Mike: For the innocent, this means Team Rocket defend him under aliases to spite James's parents. Crow: (Reporter) They appear to be using the infamous Chewbacca defence! > July 13 - 15, 2000 -- Our heroes enjoy a cruise after winning Ash's case. Mike: (TR) We helped our enemy! Let's celebrate! > (They spend the day at a campground on the 14th, and Meowth goes on a hike so that Jessie & James can have a romantic day to themselves.) Crow: Because if he didn't, Jessie would heart him. > July 17 - 18, 2000 -- Meowth & Pikachu are kidnapped by a giant Pidgeot. Jessie & James come to Meowth's rescue. Crow: ARBOK BATTLED THE DAMN PIDGEOT! SHOW HIM SOME RESPECT! > July 20 - 21, 2000 -- Our heroes help restore the balance of nature when Jirarudan tries to capture Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres & Lugia. Mike: And here, Cori's not misrepresenting events to portray Team Rocket in a great light, they actually did it by themselves. We won't see the likes of this again. > July 24 - 28, 2000 -- Family Matters ("The Pokemon Water War" is on the 24th. Jessie tells James she's pregnant on the 25th. The doctor's appointment where they find out she's not pregnant Servo: ...she couldn't have gone to the doctor BEFORE announcing it? Mike: There'd be no fic otherwise. Servo: All the more reason to have gone! > and the dinner party where Meowth plays baby for Jessie & James Mike: That sounds so wrong on many levels. > are on the 28th) > July 30 - August 5, 2000 -- Our heroes spend a week at a hotel on Kumquat Island. On the 1st of August, Jessie buys a Surf HM at the poke-mart and uses it on Lickitung. > August 9, 2000 -- Jessie inhales Vileplume Stun Spores and falls ill. She battles Jessiebelle while James & Meowth are out searching for the cure. Crow: Jessebelle's body is eventually recovered, though the many bullet wounds make it hard to identify. > August 23, 2000 -- Our heroes return from the Orange Islands. > August 26 - 28, 2000 -- At the Crossroads (On the 26th, Bonnie & Clyde's breeding center is shut down, and Jessie gets Vulpix. Bonnie & Clyde attack our heroes on the 27th, and Jessie defeats them and saves James on the evening of the 28th.) Servo: Who the hell are Bonnie and Clyde, and why should we care about them? Mike: Oh look, Vulpix, the kawaii Pokemon. How vomit-worthy. > September 17 - 20, 2000 -- To Wish, Perchance to Dream (Jessie, James & Meowth's collective omen-nightmare is on the 17th. James gets Growly back, our heroes meet Dr. Nakamura, and the real nightmare begins on the 18th. Our heroes wake up from the nightmare Crow: (James) Ye gods, I had this horrible dream we were all stuck in an excessively tedious series of fanfiction! > and return to headquarters in Celadon City on the 19th. On the 20th, they set out for Johto.) Servo: So again, the bulk of an important fic event is ignored. YES! > October 9, 2000 -- James befriends a young Donphan and finds a chip of amberite. > October 12 - 13, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth get a little "beach vacation" courtesy of some friendly ghost pokemon. Mike: Cori's warping events again, isn't she? Servo: That beach vacation was an illusion. They were stuck there for TWO DAYS?! MEIN GOTT! > October 19 - 28, 2000 -- Jessie, James & Meowth emulate the Black Arachnid in Katalia City. (James loses his bottle cap collection when the twerps interfere on the night of the 26th. Mike: Damn those twerps, stopping crimes and all. > On the night of the 27th, Jessie & Meowth get James's bottle cap collection back from Officer Jenny and donate their "stolen money" to an orphanage. Crow: So, not spending it on Broadway musical tickets like the real Team Rocket. Mike: Wouldn't said orphanage report the donation of dodgy money to the police anyway? What a waste of time. Servo: And didn't the Black Arachnid keep his stolen goods anyway? Mike: (Cori) Why, are you suggesting agents of Team Rocket would want to be like a criminal?! > While they're gone, James makes a promise ring for Jessie from the amberite chip he found and a golden band he got during their Black Arachnid adventure. And on the 28th, Jessie returns the bottle cap collection to James, and James gives the promise ring to Jessie.) Servo: (Jessie) A ring made from stuff you stole! I love it! Mike: And she would. > December 9 - 10, 2000 -- Jessie is reunited with her old friend, Blissey. Mike: I liked that episode. Now it's getting Cori all over it. > (Blissey laces Ash's food with Ex-Lax on the afternoon of the 10th. Ash has the screaming shits until the night of December 13.) Servo: Blissey is then fired from her job and ends up on the dole. Thanks a lot, Cori. Crow: Eh, you can't say he doesn't deserve it. Servo: Point. Mike: NOBODY deserves the screaming shits, with the exceptions of Snap and Richie. > December 13, 2000 -- James & Meowth throw a birthday party for Jessie. Servo: (Jessie) Socks. Well, at least we're past the tie phase. > December 17, 2000 -- Giovanni gives Jessie, James & Meowth a 2 week vacation for the holidays. Mike: (Giovanni) After the lack of success you've had and the damage you've done to many of my operations, I'm letting you have a vacation! And then I'm going to flush Team Rocket's finances down the bog! > December 21, 2000 -- A Warm Place Servo: Aha. So Cori admits this timeline is a punishment from Hell. > January 3, 2001 -- James gives the Arbo-Tank to Jessie. Mike: Which fails. > January 6 - 7, 2001 -- Our heroes help Ash's Charizard make it through the night and get themselves blasted off so that he can enter the Charicific Valley. Crow: Where he meets the shit out of Leeza and all her poseur Pokemon. > January 12 - 13, 2001 -- Meowth helps Sunrisa discover why her Sunflora is depressed. Mike: (Meowth) Ya shouldn't let it read Cori's timelines like dat! Dat borders on abuse! > Jessie & James disguise Meowth as a Sunflora and enter him in a contest the next day. Sunrisa wins the contest, but she shares some of her instant noodles with our heroes as thanks for helping her. Mike: They didn't consciously help her at all! It was all a big coincidence! Servo: (Cori) Stop mentioning stuff to do with... with THE C-WORD! > January 29, 2001 -- Jessie & Meowth throw a birthday party for James. Mike: (James) So, back to ties are we? > February 8 - 10, 2001 -- Heroic Hearts (Jessie saves Terra & Celes on the night of the 8th. Mike: You saved some Sues? Oh Jessie. > Jessie, James & Meowth discover W. Shrubb's election fraud Servo: Such subtle political satire. Mike: Shrubb left a long paper trail about his fraud in that fic. Call me cynical, but I think even Bush is smart enough not to do that! > and come up with a plan to stop him on the 9th, and The Black Rose gets W. Shrubb thrown out of office on the night of the 10th.) Crow: This would be the fic where Team Rocket became superheroes. Now, if they decided to take on a politician as superheroes, they'll fight him with forced crossdressing. And you know it. Servo: (Black Rose) Lex Luthor! Prepare to be forced into a tutu! Crow: (Luthor) ARG! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! > February 13 - 19, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth take second jobs to save money for their new mecha. > February 20, 2001 -- Our heroes get the Meowthinator Impersonator. > February 24, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth buy issue #1 of the Black Rose Manga and some Black Rose action figures. Mike: Then realise what cheap twonk it all us and chuck it. > March 10, 2001 -- Jessie gets Wobbuffet during an accidental trade at a swap-meet in Palmpona. All: WOB-BU-FETT! WOB-BU-FETT! WOB-BU-FETT! Crow: Our boy's here, yeah! > Lickitung escapes from Benny and comes back to her that night. Crow: And by "escape from", we mean "eats". Lickitung's need their protein. > March 16, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth capture a bunch of wild Onix for Giovanni. Servo: I bet those Poison Pokemon really helped against those Rock Pokemon with the Type advantage. > Meowth is Jessie & James's cute and cuddly pokemon that night. Mike: ...oh God. > March 17, 2001 -- Jessie & James throw a birthday party for Meowth. Servo: (Meowth) How da hell do youse guys expect me ta use a tie when I DON'T WEAR CLOTHES?! > April 13, 2001 -- To Extend Our Reach to the Stars Above Mike: Such detail. > April 17 - 19, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth's adventure with Unown, Entei, and the crystal tower Mike: And by that, we mean "walking around doing nothing important". > April 27 - 28, 2001 -- How James Got His Mojo Back Crow: [Austin Babies ]Shagadelic, baybee! Mike: You know James loves that film. > (James goes into Moltres-mode on the 27th. All: FLAAAAAAAAAAMING MOLTRES! > He and Jessie find out that their real signs are Articuno & Ninetales on the 28th.) Mike: How... sappy. And out of character. > April 30, 2001 -- Meowth moonlights as a window-washer in Goldenrod City Crow: For all of one day? Yeah, great paycheque YOU'LL be bringing in... > and gives Jessie & James a romantic day to themselves as a first anniversary present. Servo: (Jessie) He's gone! Now we can play Half-Life multiplayer games without him winning all the time! > May 5, 2001 -- Our heroes disguise themselves as the Dugtrio Trio ventriloquist troupe and do a radio interview with D.J. Mary after destroying some pop tapes. Mike: So, they got credit for their contribution to society. > They also read a live radio drama on the air with the twerps. > May 6 - 12, 2001 -- Jessie gets a temporary job as a weather girl for a TV station in Goldenrod City. Crow: Well, if that's what she wants to call it... > May 19, 2001 -- Mondo spends the day with Jessie, James & Meowth in Johto. Our heroes throw a birthday party for their friend. Servo: (Mondo) My... My present... It's Meowth's new tie! The one he really hates! Such an honour to hold it! > May 30, 2001 -- Exam-Man's former Meowth evolves into a Persian. Giovanni's 2 Persians become a couple. Crow: Mike, does this have any real importance to Team Rocket? Mike: I doubt it. Crow: So Cori just told us for no reason that two Persians are shagging? Mike: I know. I'm traumatised too. > June 1 - 2, 2001 -- Our heroes take a well-earned hot spring vacation. > June 6, 2001 -- Jessie & James enter a pokemon beauty contest in Bonitaville. Mike: Featuring that holy glory, the Wobbufett Beatles wig. > June 8 - 11, 2001 -- Team Rocket's adventure with Love Potion Number 69 (Our heroes drink purple Shuckle Crow: Shit. > juice Crow: No, shit. It came out of their rears, it's shit! > and become pokemon love-magnets on the afternoon of the 8th. They lead a swarm of love-struck pokemon to a nearby Team Rocket base on the 9th. Mike: And a million doujinshi's are born. > Jessie & James's sex-drives are kicked into high gear on the evening of the 9th and remain that way until the afternoon of the 11th.) Crow: Higher than normal? YE GODS, HOW DID THEIR GROINAL MUSCLES COPE?! > June 21 - 27, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth become friends with Gary Oak. (More Than Allies, by Shigeru1313) Mike: (Gary) Agents of an evil organisation that I've helped stop several times and have seen electrocute rivals at a Gym? Let's be buds! Servo: If you can spot what's wrong with the above, you're smarter than Cori. > June 29, 2001 -- After watching an old episode of Match Game PM on Game Show Network, Meowth has a dream that he, Jessie & James are panelists on Match Game PKMN. Gary is one of the contestants, and the twerps are there, too. Tracey gets blasted off. Crow: AND WHY DO YOU THINK I CARE? WHY IS THIS RELEVANT?! Mike: On the plus side, random Tracey cruelty. > July 1, 2001 -- Reconstruction of Team Rocket Headquarters is completed. Mike: Took THAT long to repair their main base, whilst our boys are given vacations? Giovanni has odd priorities. > Giovanni returns to Viridian City. > July 4 - 6, 2001 -- Our heroes visit Wobbuffet Village. (They save the local festival on the 4th, and the villagers have a party in their honor on the 5th.) Servo: Well, that is what SHOULD have happened at the end of that episode. Only not as sappy. > July 16, 2001 -- Jessie & James enter a grass pokemon tournament as "Eissej & Mr. Semaj." Crow: (Comic Book Guy) Worst codenames ever. > They have a little fun with their Arabian disguises that evening and spend the whole night rockin' the casbah. Servo: It's not an important event EVERY time they shag, Cori. > July 18 - 19, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth meet Mewtwo and the clones again and help rescue them from Domino. Servo: Ash, Brock and Misty helped too, Cori Stalin! Mike: Like Mewtwo would need help. He was probably hung over that day or something. > July 25, 2001 -- Our heroes arrive in Ecruteak City, and James finds a fortune in bottle caps with the help of a treasure detector. Servo: Which is boring and nobody cares, but it is important to James; > July 26, 2001 -- Ho-oh visits our heroes Crow: (Ho-oh) Hey buddy, spare some change? > when they make camp for the night in the Tin Tower, though only Wobbuffet is awake to see him. Mike: (Wobbufett) Come back in the morning and ask the humans. I got no change, I don't even have POCKETS for it. > July 27, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth go to an Ecruteak tea ceremony. Servo: And complain that it isn't done with traditional flare anymore. Mike: Oh of course. > July 29, 2001 -- James's bottle caps are stolen by Murkrow. Jessie & Meowth help him get them back. Crow: Murkrow never walked again. Mike: We, however, still can. [All walk out] Mike: Once more into the breech... Crow: I want my mummy! > August 8 - 9, 2001 -- Our heroes befriend an Ursaring. Ursaring helps them swipe the twerps' picnic lunch. Mike: He's smarter than the average bear alright. > August 11 - 12, 2001 -- Stories for Supper (Our heroes meet Sofia & Marcello Calvetti and swap stories with them at the Sunflora Lodge on the night of the 11th. Mike: (Marcello) 'Ere, weren't you those two who tried to steal our Pokemon? Servo: (Team Rocket) Yes. Mike: (Marcello) Well, come on in anyway! I'm sure you won't do it again! > On the 12th, Sofia & Marcello give them a Sunflora as a gift, and James gives the Sunflora to Jessie.) Servo: Awwww, he gave her something they already own. Crow: It's twoo luv! > August 15 - 17, 2001 -- A Bird in the Hand.... ("Freeze Frame" is on the 15th. Jessie, James, & Meowth ride out a blizzard in a hot spring cave on the 16th. They save Articuno's nest from Domino Crow: Mike, why are they disrupting the plans of another Team Rocket agent even though said agent is their superior in rank? Mike: I have no idea. , and one of the babies imprints on James on the 17th.) Servo: Hope you like foraging for worms, Jimmy. Crow: That was a sickeningly cute moment and I hope something horrible happens to the baby. Mike: We all do. > August 18 - 19, 2001 -- A Fair Fight (Our heroes accompany Gary to the town of Laurel Valley Mike: (Gary) But I didn't say you could come! > and subsequently meet their old friends, Mondo, Cairdea & Emanuela on the night of the 18th. All: HOW CONVINIENT. > On the 19th, Jessie & James enter Vulpix & Growly in a fire pokemon competition and win Crow: But many trainers are better than Team Rocket! Servo: They were scared away from Laurel by the Sues. > a set of Fire Stones. Then, the 7 friends kick Ash's ass in a game of Dungeons & Dragons.) Mike: Why... is ASH playing Dungeons and Dragons? Servo: Seven against one. Yup, that's A Fair Fight alright! Isn't it fun how Cori is making out our heroes to be elitist bastards who get off on beating an unbalanced and emotionally crippled kid? Mike: No. Crow: And they didn't try nicking his Pokemon during this? Do they EVER intend on doing their job? Mike: Now Crow, Cori has pointed all those Pokemon they caught that are oddly never mentioned by them or Giovanni ever... > August 20 - 21, 2001 -- Jessie, James, Meowth, Gary, Mondo & Emanuela hang out together at Cairdea's home in Alderbrook, Johto. Crow: Two Sues and five Sue-ised canon characters in one place... A pity nobody set off a bomb there. > August 22, 2001 -- With Jessie & Meowth's assistance, James begins teaching his baby Articuno how to fly and use basic attacks. Mike: It was only born a few days ago and already you're making it learnt to fly and battle, despite not being developed enough yet? Isn't that placing unrealistic unexpectations on him? Servo: Team Rocket have become Child Star Parents. Weep for them. Crow: (baby) Why am I getting flying lessons from you guys, anyway? How much flying have YOU done?! > August 24, 2001 -- Wobbuffet becomes separated from Jessie, James & Meowth. Our heroes spend the day trying to find him and get him back that evening. Servo: Well, that was... dull. > August 30 - 31, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth meet a man who can speak with pokemon. Mike: Unfortunately, he squandered this gift to try and convert them to Jehovah's Witnesses. > (Our heroes and their pokemon rescue Simon, Brementown Musicians-style on the night of the 30th, Servo: Why do they need to? What am I missing here? And why am I caring? > and Meowth speaks with him and restores his faith in his abilities on the morning of the 31st.) > September 1 - 4, 2001 -- Where Angels Dare to Tread Mike: Not even angels dare to look at THIS website. > (Jessie is possessed by the spirit of Queen Ayesha of Yew on the night of the 1st. Servo: Didn't she get "driven into the darkness" by James' grandparents furthur back in the timeline? Crow: These are the two who took ages to report James' parents to social services and then couldn't put up a good case for child abuse. FOR JAMES' PARENTS. They probably drove her back by asking her nicely. > James & Meowth save Jessie with Gary's help on the 2nd. Mike: (Gary) "Help" my ass, I did all the damn work for those lazy bums. > They recover from the ordeal on the 3rd and resume their journey on the 4th.) > September 7, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth visit Jack Pollockson's art gallery in Whitestone. Servo: Is this Cori or canon? Mike: With such a silly codename for Jackson Pollock, it could be either. > September 13 - 23, 2001 -- A Phony Matrimony?! (The 13th - 21st are spent making wedding plans, Mike: (Giovanni) Sure, you can spend time setting up a wedding instead of catching those Pokemon I need! I'll even finance the wedding with the money needed for new weaponry! I'm now going to drink Kool-Aid! > and there's a wild "bachelor party" on the night of the 21st Crow: For Jessie. > . On the 22nd, Jessie & James have a fake wedding which turns out to be mostly real. Servo: How can it be "fake" and "mostly real" at the same time? Crow: Cori has James being "flaming Moltres" and "manly" at the same time. She's very unhinged like that. > A brunch and post-wedding party are held on the 23rd.) Mike: People _usually_ have the party and wedding at the same time, y'know. > September 24, 2001 -- Sofia & Marcello introduce Mondo to their granddaughter, Felicia Calvetti. Mondo & Felicia become a couple. Crow: Wait, Mondo the overly polite and submissive guy forms a couple with a girl within a day of meeting her, but JESSIE AND JAMES took YEARS? I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE! INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT PROTOCOL IN- Servo: You don't have a Self-Destruct anymore. You traded it in for Pokemon cards three years ago. Crow: I'm starting to regret that. > September 26, 2001 -- Meowth wants to enter a hot-air balloon race, but Jessie & James talk him out of it when they see that the twerps are there. Servo: Wimps. > September 28 - October 5, 2001 -- Never too Late All: ...EWWWW. > (Jessie, James & Meowth meet Jessie's paternal grandparents, Ahearn & Miriel Rochester, and her uncle, Brad Rochester, on the 28th. Mike: Who tell her she's a disgrace to the family name. Servo: We can but hope. > Jessie reads her father's journal on the night of the 28th/morning of the 29th. Mike: (Jessie) Damn, this is boring. > Our heroes spend the week with Jessie's family.) Servo: (Family) But we didn't say you could- Crow: (Jessie) Don't change the subject. > October 7 - 8, 2001 -- Our heroes travel to the Arbor forest and encounter an Elite Rocket named Vicious. (Vicious lets them accompany him on his quest to find Celebi on the 7th. On the morning of the 8th, Jessie gets separated from James & Meowth during a tornado caused by Celebi. Crow: A Celebi brainwashed and ordered to do so by VICIOUS! Vicious was the bad guy! VICIOUS! And he had Jessie tied up kinkily with vines too! VICIOUS DID THAT! Mike: > They rescue her that afternoon. Servo: Well, come across her floating in a lake, anyway. They didn't do jack-shit when she was captured. > James also beats the living shit out of Ash that night for not helping Jessie after she saved his life.) Crow: (James) Why didn't you help Jessie out of a lake instead of worrying about Celebi being dead?! Curse your unfeelingness! Mike: So what happened to Ash's Pokemon, his friends and his friend's Pokemon who'd intervene in said beating? Crow: More importantly, why's James doing the beating in Jessie's name and not Jessie? > October 9 - 12, 2001 -- Jessie, James & Meowth return to the Rochesters' for a few days to celebrate Ahearn & Miriel's 39th wedding anniversary and so that Jessie can recover from her ordeal with Vicious. Servo: And we don't care. > October 15 - November 23, 2001 -- New Directions Mike: This is where Cori starts to disregard canon in her fics. Servo: She's ALREADY disregarded canon in her fics! > (Our heroes enjoy a twerp-free day at the Cianwood Gym on the 15th. On the 16th, Jessie & James battle Chuck and win the Storm Badge. Jessie, James & Meowth stay in Inland City on the 17th & 18th. They meet Gary on the 19th and battle with him at the Bluefinland Gym, where they win the Vortex Badge. On the 20th, Meowth helps Orville the Pidgey. On the 21st, they go to Megi City on Yellow Rock Isle and stay there until the 25th. Our heroes travel to Red Rock Isle and stay in Scarlet City on the 25th - 31st to watch the Whirl Cup competition. Jessie, James, Meowth & Gary attend a Halloween party at the Scarlet City Pokemon Center after the Whirl Cup ends. On Nov. 2nd - 4th, our heroes help a village of old people and reunite them with their families in Transit Town. They visit Silver Rock Isle on the 5th - 7th, and return to Olivine City on the 8th. On the 9th, our heroes see a story on the news about Botch & Crappidy being arrested. On the 10th, Jessie & James win the Mineral Badge, and on the 11th, they compete in Olivine's Battle Tower with Gary. Gary heads back to Pallet on the 12th. On the 13th, Jessie, James & Meowth make a trip through Johto, and J & J win the Plain Badge and the Hive Badge. That night, they find an injured Donphan and take it to the Florando Pokemon Center. On the 17th, J, J & M make a day-trip to Violet City, and Jessie & James win the Zephyr Badge. On the 20th, Nurse Joy releases the Donphan from the pokemon center, and he becomes James's newest pokemon. They arrive in Pallet Town that night. On the 21st, Gary takes them shopping and sightseeing in Pallet, on the 22nd, our heroes celebrate Thanksgiving together, and on the 23rd, they celebrate Gary's 15th birthday.) Mike: So, she decides canon is wrong because Team Rocket weren't winning a load of Badges, capturing extra Pokemon and celebrating events? Servo: I sure now I've spent long nights thinking Team Rocket would be better if they had adventures just like Ash's only with lesser excitement! Crow: Why do they have Thanksgiving in the Pokeworld? Mike: Because in fanfiction, every fictional world is exactly like America, and every character is really just like an American high-school student. Crow: Is that what they're like in Hell too? Mike: Yes. > November 24 - December 5, 2001 -- Loyalties, by Shigeru1313 (Jessie, James, Meowth & Gary prepare for the big race in Exeter on the 24th. On the 25th, they leave Pallet Town and spend the night in the Cobalt Mountains. They arrive in Exeter on the 28th. The big race is on December 1. Ash is also competing, and he attacks J, J & M and crashes their balloon. Mike: Who let Ash use a balloon? Servo: Stupid people. Mike: And why is he attacking them for being Team Rocket? He never recognises them when they're not in full Rocket regalia! He wouldn't recognise them if they were wearing full Rocket regalia and just put hats on as a disguise! Servo: ...my God, Cori had them wear the uniforms of a dangerous criminal/terrorist/porn-peddling organisation AT A PUBLIC EVENT and nobody called the cops? Crow: Well, since no-one's dumb enough to do that, maybe they thought they were cosplayers. Which people are dumb enough to be. > Gary battles and defeats Ash so that his friends can escape. Mike: Team Rocket had to make their own arrangements though. > That evening, Gary confronts the twerps about being friends with J, J & M and is attacked by Ash. Mike: (Gary) Hey, stop attacking me just because I'm mates with the guys who've been causing problems for you and HALF THE PLANET ever since you started out! Crow: Damn you Cori! You're making us side with Ash! Now we'll never feel clean! > Jessie, James & Meowth arrive on the scene and beat the crap out of Ash for hurting Gary. Servo: Because Gary is incapable of self-defence, despite being stronger and a better trainer than El Twerpo. > They recover from the ordeal in Lake Woodruff All: Woodruff?! HA! > on the 2nd, and Gary sets out for Pallet once more on the 3rd. Arriving home the night of the 4th, he talks to his parents about J, J & M being TR members, being attacked by Ash, etc. Mike: His parents, not being fucking morons, call the cops about this whole TR business. > He talks to Prof. Oak about the situation on the morning of the 5th. Servo: (Oak) You're telling me you're friends with Team Rocket operatives who once tried to steal Pokemon from my lab? Why? Crow: (Gary) Because I've been infected with OOCness, and a beating is the only cure. Please help. > Tracey is fired from the lab around noon.) Mike: ...wait, what did Tracey do? He wasn't even there! Crow: Tracey's Union is gonna LOVE this. Servo: According to the fic, Tracey never did any work at Oak's and took a swing at Gary after he was goaded. Mike: Please tell me you're kidding. Servo: I'm not. Crow: It's a terrible thing when people can't manage to get TRACEY in character. All he does is sketch and lust over Professor Oak! > December 3 - 25, 2001 -- A White Today (On the 3rd, our heroes decide to quit the Pikachu assignment once and for all and resolve to ask Giovanni for reassignment after the new year. Servo: (Giovanni) Tough shit. When I give you an assignment, you goddamn do the assignment. > On their way to visit Jessie's grandma & grandpa Parker, Ash confronts them again...and gets his ass kicked again. Mike: Again? Team Rocket NEVER beat Ash. They hardly ever win anything. It's part of their charm! Crow: (Cori) Their charm is part of the dreaded Canon! It is evil! > That night, our heroes make plans to visit Blissey in Happy Town, but their visit is cut short when they meet a crazy old woman Crow: (Jessie) It's Ann Coulter! Defensive fire NOW! > who tells them that they're not in Team Rocket anymore. Servo: That _would_ explain why Giovanni's not bothered about their skiving off work to win Badges and fly balloons for the past month or so. > Jessie rescues a Delibird from the old woman, Crow: When Exam-Man does it, it's kidnapping. When Jessie does it, it's "rescues". Doubtless there's some sort of moral and ethical conundrum here. Mike: Nope. > but when they try to call Giovanni to bring the incident to his attention, they discover that their IDs are no longer valid. They drive all night to get to Viridian City and arrive at headquarters on the morning of the 4th. They spend all day in a meeting with Giovanni and get all of the problems straightened out, Mike: (Giovanni) So, to wit, you're fired. Clean out your desks. > and he gives them a raise, a de facto promotion, their own apartment at headquarters, and puts an end to the Pikachu assignment. Servo: ...why? Crow: (Giovanni) You've hardly netted Team Rocket any Pokemon or profit, you've failed multiple assignments, and you've lost us a great deal of equipment. I'm giving you a raise and promotion for this! Because I'm a gimp! > On the 5th, Jessie & James battle Giovanni for the Earth Badge and win. Mike: (Giovanni) I let them. No, really. > They leave for Opal Ridge, Kanto later that morning and spend the 5th - 18th with Jessie's grandma & grandpa Parker. On the 18th, they go to James's grandma & grandpa Woodson's vacation home in Cedar Creek, Johto. Mike: (Giovanni) No, don't bother doing any work or justifying your salary, that's fine... > On the 19th, they make plans to watch The Fellowship of the Ring, but they miss out on the movie and eat dinner at Fu King instead. They also meet Gary that night and invite him to stay with them for a couple of days. On the 20th, they go to see FOTR together, and James loans his copy of Lord of the Rings to Meowth. Servo: The dreaded "if I like, my fave characters must too!" syndrome has reached Meowth. The horror. Crow: Meowth is blatantly an old crime and gangster pulp fan anyway. Mike: (Meowth) Why doesn't Saruman just plug dat Gandalf rat and send him ta sleep wit the fishes? Wimp! > On the 21st, our heroes have a Yule party and help Lily with her spell. James's grandparents arrive in Cedar Creek that night. On the 22nd - 25th, our heroes celebrate Christmas with their families.) Crow: (James) Presents other than ties. That I should live to see such wonders. > January 2, 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth leave Cedar Creek and set out for Mahogany Town. Eric & Miranda Woodson return to Lilac Falls, Jesse & Musashi Parker return to Opal Ridge, and Ahearn, Miriel & Brad Rochester return to Redwood Heights. Mike: Do we really need to know the EXACT DETAILS of where secondary characters are living? Servo: (Cori) Yes. Oh yes. > January 4, 2002 -- Jessie & James win the Glacier Badge. Crow: And by "win", we mean "steal". > January 29 - 30, 2002 -- Poetic Justice (Gary takes Jessie, James & Meowth to dinner in Maroon Town on the 29th in celebration of James's birthday and afterwards takes them to meet Prof. Oak. On the 30th, Jessie, James & Meowth attend Prof. Oak's radio talk show as his special guests. Servo: (Oak) Today's topic is cross-dressing. I'm now joined by three experts in the field... > They taunt Ash with Haiku when he shows up to cause trouble.) Mike: Professor Oak is supposed to be an ally of theirs now, but he lets Ash in to beat them up? Servo: (Oak) Remember Ash, you get the other half of the cheque once they're dead. And do not fail me in this. > Early February 2002 -- James catches a Natu and names him Mike: Bob. > Thorondor. Mike: Bah. > February 9, 2002 -- Our heroes mourn the breakup of Stabbing Westward Crow: (Egon) I believe these three have been possessed by the spirit of the author, who is warping their minds towards liking everything she likes. I'm afraid death is the only answer. > by crashing a Britney and the Looney Balloons concert Servo: Which gets them arrested and makes all their non-TR fwiends realise they are indeed criminals. Mike: You're thinking of reality again. > and playing some REAL music All: (Team Rocket) LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN! > (some of their fave SW songs). Crow: Team Rocket go out to play some "REAL music" and it's not Rocky Horror or similar musical hits? I call bullshit. > Mid-February 2002 -- Jessie, James, Meowth & Gary visit the Slowpoke Temple and Mike: Get kicked out. Servo: (Priest) Get thee behind me, Canon-Sue! > do some challenge training. When the twerps visit the temple a couple weeks later and Priestess Madeline tells them what wonderful trainers and guests J, J, M & G were, Crow: They realise that she's on meth. > Ash spazzes out Mike: Or as we call it, "acts like he normally does". > and shows that his true essence is that of an incurable unenlightened shit-weasel. Crow: Well, to be fair, he is. > He ends up getting thrown out on his ass and subsequently has a sick daydream (the episode "Enlighten Up!") to console himself. Mike: The CANON EPISODES are the daydreams and fanfics are the reality. Sure Cori. > Late February 2002 -- While exploring the Dragon Cave near Blackthorn City, our heroes meet a Dragonite & Gyarados and Mike: Get eaten. > learn that they're Miyamoto's former pokemon. The pokemon have fond memories of Miyamoto & Jessie and are happy to see their old trainer's daughter again. Dragonite allows Jessie to catch one of her children (a Dratini, which Jessie names Mehen), and Gyarados allows James to catch one of her children (a shiny Magikarp). All: HOW CONVINIENT. > Miyamoto's pokemon blast Ash off when he spazzes and accuses TR of trying to "steal" them. Servo: And they never did fix his legs after that. > Early March 2002 -- Jessie & James win the Rising Badge. Crow: Blah, blah... Mike, are they ever gonna actually DO THEIR JOBS? Mike: Unlikely. > March 17, 2002 -- Jessie & James throw a birthday party for Meowth. Meowth learns Pay Day. Servo: Which he can't do. Crow: Maybe he can Pay Day himself enough money to buy his way out of these fics! > March 29 - 31, 2002 -- Jessie, James, Meowth & Wobbuffet find a lost Wynaut and Mike: Give it to Giovanni, making it the first actual TR-related thing they've done in five months. > reunite him with his trainer. Mike: ...WHAT? Crow: This is disturbing, Team Rocket have been possessed by the spirits of Team Twerp and the twerps aren't even dead yet! > Early April 2002 -- James catches a shiny Weepinbell. Professor Oak gives James a Leaf Stone, and when he uses it on his new Weepinbell, she evolves into a shiny Victreebel. When James's 2 Victreebels Servo: Start fighting each other over territory, the shining one is brutally killed. > fall in love, he sends them to Professor Oak's for a few weeks so that they can have some time to themselves. Servo: Rats. > Mid-April, 2002 -- Gary catches a Suicune while traveling with Jessie, James & Meowth. Mike: ... Servo: ... Crow: ... Mike: We can never save him from the Canon-Sue infection now. All we can do is grant a quick death. > Late April 2002 -- Jessie catches Roheryn. Mike: (dull) Wheee. > Early May 2002 -- After hearing more horror-stories about Ash, Cairdea & Emanuela play a trick on the twerp and "award" him with 9 GPPs. (Ash, the REAL Zero of "Pokemon!", by Charlene) Servo: Team Rocket and their friends are incredibly petty these days. Crow: Like I said, possessed by Ash. Servo: So... does that mean their spirits are inside Ash's form? Crow: OH DEAR LORD. > May 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth root All: EWWWW! > for Gary at the Johto League finals. All: Ohhhh. > (Gary beats Ash in round 4, and Ash throws a temper-tantraum and leaves Mt. Silver in disgrace. When Ash spazzes about Gary going on to win the Johto League championship, Brock & Misty finally realize that he's a hopeless case and part ways with him.) Mike: It says a lot about Cori-Verse's Misty and Brock that after all the horrors Ash caused, it took them this long to leave. > Late May 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth attend Gary's victory party in Pallet. Servo: (Pallet Town Residents) Hey, aren't you the bastards that dropped bombs on us a few years ago at that other party? Mike: (Team Rocket) Yes. Servo: (Pallet Town Residents) Well, no hard feelings, it was only a laugh and our legs grew back eventually! > James's 2 Victreebels rejoin the group. Mike: And James' head is finally vanquished. > Early June 2002 -- Knowing that Ash is never going to pay Misty back for the bike he trashed, Brock, Gary, Jessie, James & Meowth chip in and buy a new one for her. Mike: Which is very out of character for Team Rocket. Crow: What if they stole it from someone and gave it to her? Mike: Mmmm... more in character. > Our heroes bid good riddance to Ash Servo: Didn't they already do that? Did they forget they'd done that? > when he leaves Kanto to compete in Houen League. After Ash leaves all of his pokemon except Pikachu with Professor Oak, Brock & Misty find a new home for Bayleef since Gary doesn't want her at the lab. Crow: ...OH GOD! Did they just give one of Ash's Pokemon to someone else just because Gary didn't like her?! God: Yep. I think it's a load of shit too. > (They end up giving her to the old lady in Johto, who rescued her after she first evolved into a Bayleef.) Mike: (Old Lady) I thought someone already owned him? Servo: (Gary) Yeah, but she leaves the toilet seat up so we don't want her. > Mid-June 2002 -- James's shiny Magikarp evolves into a shiny Gyarados. Mike: And eats him. Please tell me it eats him. I don't want James to suffer anymore by being in these stories. > Late June 2002 -- Jessie & James challenge Brock & Misty to an official gym battle. Jessie & James Mike: Get their butts kicked. > emerge victorious and earn the Boulder Badge and the Cascade Badge. Mike: Awww. > Brock takes an equivalency exam to earn his high school diploma and makes plans to start attending college in the fall. Misty goes on a trip to Europe with Daisy, Violet & Lily and makes plans to go back to school when she returns in the fall. Servo: Mein Gott, Pokemon characters doing education stuff and not thinking about Pokemon?! This is... unheard of! Crow: And means those two are gonna get a better job and salary than most trainers out there. > Early July 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth bring a dangerous pokemon poacher to justice. They rescue some orphaned Ekans & Koffings from him Mike: They were orphaned as well? Damn, the sappy never stops around here! > and send them to Professor Oak. Arbok & Weezing volunteer to stay with the baby Ekans & Koffings at Oak's lab for awhile. Crow: Because there are no Arbok's or Weezing's at Oak's massive Pokemon-filled ranch! > Mid-July 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth stay with Gary in Pallet Town for awhile. While they're in town, they collect some embarrassing home videos of Crow: Mrs Ketchum and Oak getting it-. Mike: No. > Ash and submit them to Kanto's Funniest Home Videos. Mike: Because that'll make the girls think their dicks are big. Servo: What about Jessie? Mike: No comment. > Their video compilation (footage of Ash making an ass of himself in various ways, set to Weird Al Yankovic's song, Young, Dumb & Ugly) wins the $10,000 grand prize, and they use it to recoup some of the financial losses that Ash has caused Team Rocket over the years. Giovanni rewards our heroes for their brilliant scheme by giving them a raise. Crow: Team Rocket has lost a lot of money, so Giovanni gives people a raise for bringing in a small bit of that money. The same people who haven't caught any Pokemon for Giovanni in months. Here you can see the strategic mind that got Team Rocket where they are today in the Advanced Generation games! Mike: But they aren't in them. Crow: Exactly. > Late July 2002 -- Jessie & James use their Fire Stones to evolve Vulpix & Growly into Ninetales & Arcanine. > Early August 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth revisit Vermillion City. Jessie & James win the Thunder Badge. Gary catches a shiny Arcanine (which he names Hecate) while traveling with our heroes. Servo: I find myself wishing something bad will happen to them. I can't take this much... this much DULLNESS! Mike: Shiny dogs are not quite the thing that comes to mind when I hear the name Hecate. Crow: What does come to mind? Mike: Cheese. Crow: Huh. > Mid-August 2002 -- Jesse & Musashi Parker, Ahearn & Miriel Rochester, Eric & Miranda Woodson, Emanuela & Simone, and Cairdea Crow: Sue readings are off the scale! RETREAT! RETREAT! > adopt some of the baby Ekans & Koffings, and Professor Oak keeps a pair at the lab. Arbok & Weezing return to Jessie & James. All: (dull) Awwww. How sweet. > Late August 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth revisit Fuschia City. Jessie & James win the Soul Badge. Mike: They're never going to lose anything ever again, are they? I'm depressed. > Felicia catches an Eevee. Servo: Who? Is this one of the Sues that I can't keep track of? Crow: Who CARES? Servo: They all just blur together and I can't keep 'em seperate. > Early September 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth revisit Saffron City. Jessie & James win the Marsh Badge. Mondo catches an Eevee. Mike: Wheee. How riveting. > Late September 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth take a vacation on Cinnabar Island. Servo: They are doing their jobs when we aren't watching, right? RIGHT?! Mike: Seeing as Cori did at one point mention each time they caught Pokemon for Giovanni... no. > James catches a Moltres. Crow: ... Mike: ... Servo: ... Crow: Doesn't that cause ecological apocalypses in the anime? Mike: Only when people who aren't Team Rocket do it. Everything Team Rocket do is pure and God-sent and their farts smell of roses. > Jessie & James win the Volcano Badge. Servo: (Blaine) Hey, you two look oddly familiar to those guys who wrecked my Gym and nearly caused the destruction of a whole town a few years back... Ah, I'm sure it's nothing. > October 2, 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth attend the wedding of Annie Lizzina Pacotto & Oakley Maynard Hall. Crow: They get sat at Table 9, and have fun singing the Love Stinks song really loudly. > Early November 2002 -- Mehen evolves into a Dragonair. Thorondor evolves into a Xatu. Mike: And I went to the toilet, but I don't think anybody cares. > November 23, 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth go to Pallet for Gary's birthday. Servo: (Gary) Guys, I DON'T WANT YOUR OLD TIES. Get me a different present. > Early December 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth visit Annie & Oakley at the Rocket Game Corner in Celadon City. Mike: (Meowth) Hey, did youse know da fifth Pokemon movie's gonna have two new characters wit your names in it? Servo: (Annie) Actually, it is us. Oakley got a sex-change yesterday. > December 12, 2002 -- Jessie & James win the Rainbow Badge. James buys some perfume for Jessie's birthday. Mike: Actually, it was for himself. Jessie's birthday is just an excuse. > December 13, 2002 -- Jessie's 20th birthday. Gary gives her a Dragon Scale, which she uses to evolve Mehen into a Serpentite. Servo: (Jessie) Better than a tie, at any rate. Crow: Miiiiike, nothing interesting's happening to Team Rocket! Make the timeline stop! Mike: (HAL) I'm sorry. I cannot do that Crow. > December 18, 2002 -- Jessie, James, Meowth & Wobbuffet see The Two Towers with Gary. (Jessie & James dress as Eowyn & Faramir, Meowth & Wobbu dress as Merry & Pippin, and Gary goes as Frodo again.) Servo: All are mocked and pelted by the other cinema-goers. Crow: Hands up all those who can see MEOWTH being a Lord of the Rings fans, and who haven't got insanity as an excuse! > December 25, 2002 -- Our heroes celebrate Christmas. Meowth learns Faint attack. Mike: Because Meowth isn't interesting enough as he is, he's got to learn attacks for no reason when he's not supposed to be able to learn more of 'em. > Mondo gives a Fire Stone to Felicia, which she uses to evolve her Eevee into a Flareon. Servo: What if she wanted a Vaporeon? You ever think of THAT, Mondy? > December 31, 2002 -- Jessie, James & Meowth's Young, Dumb & Ugly Ash video wins the $100,000 prize for "Funniest Home Video of the Year" on Kanto's Funniest Home Videos. Mike: Which tells you a lot about general quality of the show. > Our heroes use the prize money to repay Erica & Blaine for the damage caused at their gyms Servo: Team Rocket- we'll cause mass destruction through carelessness, and then feel bad about it a few years later. > and recoup more of the losses that Team Rocket suffered at Ash's hands. Giovanni rewards them with another raise, in addition to an especially large holiday bonus. Mike: This despite never doing any work. Servo: Maybe he's giving them a raise because they haven't been working, and thus not losing him money through incompetence? Mike: I think that's a bit advanced for Cori's Giovanni. Like using the VCR. > January 2003 -- Jessie & James adopt a pair of orphaned Eevees. Mondo's Eevee evolves into Espeon. All: (dull) Wheee. > February - June 2003 -- Jessie, James, Meowth, Cairdea, Mondo, Felicia, Emanuela & Simone take a trip to Houen. While they're there, Jessie & James Crow: Attempt to kill the Sues while making it look like an accident. > enter the Houen League and win all eight badges. Crow: That too. Servo: They win again! WILL NO-ONE STOP THEM WINNING?! WILL NO-ONE CAUSE ANY DIFFICULTIES OR DRAMA?! Mike: No. > Jessie catches a Seviper and a shiny Wurmple (which evolves into a Silcoon, and then a shiny Beautifly), James catches a Cacnea, Cair catches an Eneko, a Seviper, and a Cacnea, Mondo catches a Houndoom, an Absol, and a Clamperl, Felicia catches a Subame, a Jiguzaguma, and a Clamperl, Manu catches a Plusle and a Pochena, and Sim catches a Minun and an Eneko. Servo: And Tom Servo catches nausea from reading this damn thing. > Our heroes meet and befriend Gary's cousin, Alwyn Devon, and James's cousin, Kajika Silverwolf. Mike: Hey, I remember hearing about Kajika earlier in the timeline. She was a horrible, fetid Mary Sue then and she still is now. Crow: (Kajika's Parents) We actually called her Jill, I don't know where she got the Kajika Silverwolf thing from. > They also learn that Ash was beaten up by a girl named Haruka when he trashed her bike after arriving in Houen Mike: He got beaten up by May? MAY?! AHAHAHAHAHA Crow: AHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA Servo: AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Mike: Heh... > and that he's now traveling with his cousin Noobie and Tracey. Crow: Someone... was actually called Noobie. NOOBIE. Servo: (Cori) What is this "subtlety" people keep talking about? > May 15, 2003 -- Jessie's Eevee evolves into Espeon. James's Eevee evolves into Umbreon. > Early June 2003 -- Houen League finals. Jessie wins a championship, and James wins runner-up. Mike: I think I'm going to vomit. Crow: Let's get the hell outta Dodge! (All run out) Crow: That's an ominous Subject header. Mike: Get in the Theatre, ya wuss. > Mid-June 2003 -- Our heroes return to Kanto. They bring back a Subame for Gary, a Pochena for Annie, and a Bagon for Oakley. Mike: Oh sure, leave out Mondo. Bastards. > June 22, 2003 -- Meowth is reunited with Meowsie and reconciles with her. Crow: Reconciles with HER? She was the one with the problem! She thought he was a hideous mutant freak thing who sucked! Mike: Well, seeing how sickeningly happy the timeline's been so far, it was only a matter of time before this happened. > July 18, 2003 -- Meowth proposes to Meowsie. Servo: (Meowsie) No. You suck. Mike: Certainly doesn't mention whether or not she said yes... > Late July 2003 -- While on assignment in Johto, James catches a Charizard and names her Mike: Peggy. > Tiamat. Mike: Damn. > Jessie catches a Suicune. Crow: Wow, I never knew near-mythological, mysterious and highly powerful Pokemon were so easy to catch! Heh heh... KILL ME NOW. Mike: Wait, "assignment"? They were doing work?! What were they doing? Crow: (Giovanni) Your current assignment is to go to the shops and pick up some milk. > Early August 2003 -- Jessie, James & Meowth cheer Gary on at a dark pokemon tournament in Nightshade Glen, Johto. Servo: And this is important why? Crow: (Cori) And on the same day, they breathed in oxygen! > August 9, 2003 -- Meowth consoles Gary after his girlfriend breaks up with him. Servo: He had one? Mike: MEOWTH consoles him? Yeah, I'd feel a lot better being consoled about losing my girlfriend by someone who got repeatedly screwed over trying to get girls. Crow: (Meowth) Well Gary... all women are bitches and yer better off without. > Meowth's advice leads Gary to meet Arwen at the Viridian City Museum the next day. Servo: (Aragon) She's mine, half-pint. > (A Little Luck, by Shigeru1313) Mike: And now we know who to beat over the head repeatedly for giving a Lord of the Rings name to a Pokemon Sue. Thank you, timeline! > August 22, 2003 -- Meowth & Meowsie get married. Crow: (Cori) Yes, I know she loathes him in the canon, but clearly the writer of that episode was wrong! > October 15 - 21, 2003 -- Jessie, James, Meowth & Meowsie accompany Gary & Arwen on an archaeological dig in Bluefield. (Patterns in Time, by Shigeru1313) Servo: (Gary) Jessie, bazooka rounds are NOT what you use in excavations. And Meowth, stop nicking the Ancient Roman valuables! JAMES PUT THAT ANCIENT DRESS DOWN! > October 31, 2003 -- James proposes to Jessie at a Halloween party at Gary's house. (Miya is conceived that night.) Crow: (James) Ah, what will it hurt not using a condom this once? > November 22, 2003 -- Jessie, James, Meowth & Meowsie meet Gary & Arwen for dinner. Mike: And make him foot the bill. > They give Gary a pair of tickets for an advance showing of Return of the King for his 17th birthday. Servo: (Gary) Well, it's better than a tie, but... actually, I don't like Lord Of The Rings, I only dressed as Frodo that one time to humour you. > November 23, 2003 -- Jessie, James & Meowth go to Gary's birthday party in Pallet. Mike: (Jessie) I told you we should've just got him a book token. > December 4, 2003 -- Giovanni breeds his 2 Persians. All: EWWWW. > December 14, 2003 -- Jessie finds out that she's pregnant. Crow: (Jessie) It won't hurt not to use a condom this once, eh? You bastard! > James moves their wedding date from next September to next week when she gives him the news. Mike: They want the baby to be born in wedlock? That doesn't sound like Team Rocket... Servo: Maybe they're hoping all the wedding gifts will be baby things, so they don't have to buy any. > December 21, 2003 -- Jessie & James get married in a private ceremony. > December 22, 2003 -- Jessie & James celebrate their wedding by going to see Return of the King. Crow: Yes, that's EXACTLY how I'd celebrate being married, going to see a movie instead of having sex. > December 23, 2003 -- Jessie & James go to the Seafoam Islands for a 2 week honeymoon. Mike: They couldn't have seen the film THERE? Servo: Seafoam has blockaded anything Cori likes from reaching them as a protest measure. > December 31, 2003 -- Charms conceived Mike: Which is Meowth's baby daughter. Crow: Why is she telling us about the CONCEPTION of the children instead of just saying about birth's and discovery of pregnancies? Mike: Because Cori is evil. > January 29, 2004 -- Jim & Rose Morgan's CD matures, and James inherits over 2 million dollars. Servo: I still don't get this "CD" thing. Crow: (James) Oh. Another great and happy event. Eh, they're kinda losing their edge these days. > January 31, 2004 -- Jessie, James & Meowth retire from Team Rocket. Mike: Based on their level of productivity in this timeline, Giovanni probably didn't notice until next year. > Gary & Arwen help them move to The Big Orange. Servo: It's called MANDARIN ISLAND. And how can they help when they don't live there?! > February 15, 2004 -- Jessie & James open a new Salon Roquet in The Big Orange. Mike: As opposed to Celadon City's Scissor Street, where the real market for such places is. Crow: Business sense?! Team Rocket dun need no steenking business sense! > March 13, 2004 -- Jessie, James & Meowth celebrate the birth of Annie & Oakley's son, Dante Christopher Hall. All: ... Mike: They called their son Dante. DANTE. Crow: He is so gonna get picked on at school. > April 3, 2004 -- 2 Meowth kittens born to Giovanni's Persians. All: AWWWWWWWW. Servo: What is it with everyone only ever having one or two children in this timeline? Is there an ovum deficiency in everyone? > April 23, 2004 -- Charms born All: AWWWWWWWWW. > April 30, 2004 -- Meowsie leaves. Mike: ...that was abrupt. Servo: Is it wrong for me to be glad a newly-born child's mother has just walked out on it? Crow: Not when it's Meowsie. > June 13, 2004 -- Jessie, James & Meowth have their family portrait done by a famous manga artist. Mike: (Jessie) I don't think it was such a good idea to get Hideshi Hino to do it, guys. > July 10, 2004 -- Miya Aingeal Woodson born Mike: Aingeal... ANGEL?! Oh Cori. Servo: (Badger) Oh Toad. > August 2004 -- Jessie & James have a belated wedding reception so that all of their family and friends can celebrate their marriage and the birth of their daughter. Crow: (James) We'd have done this earlier, but... well, you guys suck. > March - April 2005 Crow: Unicron sighted off of West Cybertron. > -- Woodson family takes a trip to Italy to attend the wedding of Emanuela D'Andrea & Simone Prata. (Uniti in Amore, by Charlene) Crow: Mike, do you think we should pay the Mafia to kill the Sues for us? Mike: It's tempting, I'll admit. > June 2005 -- While bumming around the Orange Islands, Tracey stumbles into Salon Roquet. Jessie & James give him a mullet. Mike: Yeah, that'll show him. > Late July - Late September 2005 -- Woodson family takes a trip through the Orange Islands for their summer vacation. Servo: So who's running the Salon for those two months? Where's their money coming from? Mike: The amazing money-spawning Compact Disk, of course! > (Jessie & James win the Coral Eye Badge when they visit Mikan Island in early August, the Sea Ruby Badge when they visit Navel Island in mid-August, the Jade Star Badge when they visit Kumquat Island in late August, and the Spike Shell Badge when they make a stop at Trovita Island in early September. All: (dull) Yay. > Jessie catches a shiny Articuno when they visit Shamouti Island in mid-September, Crow: ...she's completely ignoring the second movie's message about capturing the Legendary Birds, isn't she? Servo: And she couldn't have any old LEGENDARY POKEMON, it's got to be a SHINY one as well! Because Team Rocket are special. > and Jessie & James win Orange League championships before returning home in late September.) Mike: (Ash) AAAAAAAHHHH! Brock, Misty, Team Rocket are acting just like me! Make them stop! > May 2006 -- Jessie & James compete in the Indigo League finals. James wins a championship, and Jessie wins runner-up. Servo: (Officer Jenny) Say, those two look like those Team Rocket agents that caused so much damage and crime a few years ago... Ah, I'm sure it's nothing. > June 2006 -- Woodson family accompanies Gary & Arwen on a trip to northern Kanto. Mike: (Arwen) We have to find the One Ring! Servo: (Gary) She's always doing that. > July 2006 -- Woodson family attends the grand opening of Gary's gym in Pallet. Jessie & James compete in his gym and become the first trainers to Mike: Get their asses kicked. > earn the Dark Badge. Servo: (Gary) I let them win. > September 21, 2006 -- Woodson family attends the wedding of Mondo William Cole & Felicia Catherine Calvetti. Crow: (Mondo) I'm very pleased to be marrying this Mary Sue PLEASE GOD SOMEONE HELP ME today... > May 26, 2007 -- Woodson family attends the wedding of Gary Daniel Oak & Arwen Diana Grey. Mike: And swipe the Tupperware. > July 2007 -- Woodson family visits Lulu and attends the Wobbuffet Festival at Wobbuffet Village. Jessie & Rachel breed their Wobbuffets. Servo: (Wobbufett) I wish the humans would consult us before making us screw each other. > December 26, 2007 -- Woodson family celebrates the birth of Emanuela & Simone's twins, Patrizio & Nami Prata. Mike: (Twins) Yes, WE hate our names too. > January 2008 -- 2 Wynauts born to Jessie & Rachel's Wobbuffets. All: Awwwwww. Mike: It's never THREE kids, is it? > April 2008 -- Woodson family attends the wedding of Brock Harrison Tor & Misty Esther Waterflower. Mike: (Brock) But we didn't invite you. > Gary & Arwen come to Jessie, James & Meowth's defense when Brock & Misty's twerpy guests pick on them. Servo: (Misty) We didn't invite you either! What the hell are you guys doing here and why are you starting fights with our guests AT MY WEDDING?! > Mother's Day 2008 -- The Greatest Gifts of All Servo: An end to this timeline would be a nice gift. > July 2008 -- Woodson family celebrates another Wobbuffet Festival in Wobbuffet Village. Crow: We're going to hear about this every damn year, aren't we? Hold me. > Rachel gives one of the baby Wynauts to Jessie. Jessie & James give the Wynaut to Miya for her 4th birthday. > November 3, 2008 -- Servo: (Spike) The Wynaut's DEAD, Miya. You left it in a cage and you didn't feed it. > Woodson family celebrates the birth of Annie & Oakley's daughter, Kayla Marie Hall. Mike: (Dante) Hey, how come SHE gets a NORMAL name and I'm stuck with Dante?! > February 14, 2009 -- Eric conceived > August 2009 -- Woodson & Oak families take another trip to Houen. Jessie & Haruka breed their Beautiflies. Servo: There's too much breeding of characters here. It's damaging the gene pool. > September 2009 -- Jessie's Beautifly lays 5 eggs. Jessie gives one of the eggs to Haruka, one to James, and one to Kajika. Crow: (Beautifly) Those were MY eggs! Mike: (Haruka) Mmmm, breakfast! > Woodson & Oak families attend the wedding of Alwyn Edward Devon & Kajika Silverwolf in Rustboro City. Mike: And they take bombs with them. Lots of bombs. > Late September 2009 -- Woodson & Oak families return from Houen. Jessie & James give one of the remaining Beautifly eggs to Dante and the other to May's daughter, Molly. Crow: (Beautifly) STOP GETTING RID OF MY YOUNG! > November 18, 2009 -- Eric Parker Woodson born Mike: (Eric)I was born into THESE fics?! WAAAAAAAA! > January 2010 -- James & Kajika's shiny Wurmples evolve into Cascoons, and then shiny Dustoxes. Dante's Wurmple evolves into a Cascoon, and then a Dustox. Molly's Wurmple evolves into a Silcoon, and then a Beautifly. Servo: Tom Servo's boredom evolves into suicidal tendencies. > June 2010 -- James buys his late grandparents' estate near Lilac Falls, Crow: We have to hear about every damn evolution and Wobbufett festival, but Cori neglects to mention TWO CHARACTERS JUST DIED?! Mike: And it says a lot about this timline that we want to know characters from it are dying. > using the profits he and Jessie made from their salon. > July 2010 -- Jessie & James close their salon Servo: (Jessie) Who needs money? > and move to the old Morgan estate to begin construction on their new house. (They live in a trailer while they're building their house, and James uses most of the materials from the ruins of his grandparents' mansion in the construction of the new house.) Mike: ...they go to all the trouble and expense of buying James' grandparents house, and then demolish it to build a new one?! Crow: (James' dead grandparents) Thanks a goddamn bunch. > December 4, 2010 -- Woodson family celebrates the birth of Mondo & Felicia's daughter, Catherine (Cat) Sofia Cole. > February 21, 2011 -- Woodson family celebrates the birth of Gary & Arwen's son, Samuel Jacob Oak. Mike: Someone stop all this breeding. Crow: AAAAAAAARG! This future timeline is full of pointless sappy shit! Let's just give up and go home! Mike: Now we can't leave the readers hanging. They deserve to know what happens. We should at least summarise. Crow: 'Everyone lioved happily eva after & had lotsa cute babies!!!!11' Mike: That'll do. ALL FLEE! THE END