You think Jessie is a highly aggressive and strong person? You obviously haven't read Seven Shades Of Red! > Seven Shades Of Red Mike: And not one looks good with yellow. > By Cori Falls All: ARRRRRRRRRG! Crow: FIRE IN THE HOLE! Servo: (Monty Python) RUN AWAY! It all began on a chilly winter afternoon, if my memory serves me right. Crow: (James) That was the day… we got cold and had to put jumpers on. The sun was low in the western sky, and the icy north wind whipped relentlessly at us. Servo: (North Wind) Faster slaves! [crack!] Crow: (Slaves) God damn it, how are we supposed to get any work done when you keep whipping us? Mike: And now you know how Burger King is run. The road was dusty, and the wind was blasting all of that dust into our faces Servo: (James) And then it beat us up and stole our lunch money. , making it difficult to breathe. Mike: And this is why God invented cars. Black thunderheads were forming in the east, illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning. Mike (singing): A bolt of fear shot through him as/He looked up in the sky/For he saw the riders comin' hard/And he heard their mournful cry: Bots: Yippee-yi-ya, yippee-yi-yo, All: Ghost riders in the sky! Jessie shivered, and I protectively wrapped an arm around her, giving her the warmth of my body. Servo: Sure James, that’s exactly what you were doing. Crow: He’s cold too, how much warmth is he able to give? Servo: (Jessie) Hmmmm, not much warmth from him. Maybe if I set him on fire… She'd recently recovered from a bout of pneumonia after being caught out in the snow, and I was still worried about her. Crow: Because whenever people think of weak figures to worry about, Jessie’s always top of the list. I'd be damned if I ever let her catch cold again! Mike: (Mel Gibson) They may take my life but they’ll never take her temperature! Crow: Jesus James, you could just buy her a jacket. Jessie smiled at me, and her shivering subsided. Servo: All hail James and his amazing instantly transferable body heat! I looked at the way her sapphire-blue eyes were glittering Crow: Can eyes glitter? Mike: Maybe if properly laminated. and returned the smile. Servo: (James) Look! I can do it too! Hur hur hur! "Will youse two hurry it up?!" Meowth snapped, Mike: I’m with Meowth. The quicker they are, the quicker we can leave. Crow: God bless Meowth, he always saves the day. seeing that we had slowed our pace a little. "We gotta find a place ta stay for the night Crow: (Meowth) And somewhere widda shower. We ain’t bathed in three weeks, and it’s startin’ ta show. , I don't wanna be outside when dat storm hits!" Mike: Their breath is being impaired and they’re freezing, and this is before the storm hits? How bad is the storm?! Servo: Three words- rain of frogs. "That makes three of us," I replied, pulling Jessie closer. Mike: (Jessie) Stop doing that or I’ll break your arm on principle. "I wouldn't worry about it," Jessie said calmly. Servo: (Jessie) They’re only frogs, how much mass can they have? "I think there's a town just over the next hill." Crow: (James) Ah, Royston Vasey! Sounds like a nice, safe place! "Den whadda we waitin' for?!" the cat demanded. Mike: (Jessie) For you to learn proper English. "Let's get goin'!" Servo: To the Batmobile! With that, Meowth began running up the road, Crow: And thus running into the blasted mass of dust and getting his eyes sandblasted. and Jessie and I quickened our pace again, so as not to lose him. Servo: He owed them money. @->->- Crow: Unfortunately, the attack of the malformed scene break ended Meowth’s life, and they never got their money. Once we'd crested the hill, we found ourselves looking down at a small town. The wind was blowing tumbleweeds through the dusty streets, and the setting sun was casting eerie shadows onto the decaying buildings. Mike: I give you four seconds before John Wayne shows up. The very sight of the crumbling city, set against the backdrop of the coming winter storm, made my blood run cold. Crow: (James) With the town in this state, the chances were remote that they’d have a good hair salon. "Are you sure this is the right place, Jess?" I asked in a quavering voice. Servo: Quavering voice? By jove, it seems he’s in character! Mike: Enjoy it while it lasts. "It looks like a ghost-town from one of those old-west movies." Crow: The episode’s called Showdown At Dark City, what the hell did you expect? "What does it matter?" said Meowth. Mike: (James) Well, have you ever seen what happens to the criminals in Westerns? We’re redshirts for sure! "Abandoned or not, we still need shelter for the night." "He's got a point," Jessie agreed. Mike: You have to wonder why they were walking around when a storm was forecasted anyways. Crow: They’d have stayed in the hotel back at the last town, but the manager wanted them to pay their bill. The wind picked up again, and Jessie's shivering began anew. As I held her to me once more, I Servo: (James) …got my arm broken like she’d promised. realized that she and Meowth were right -- we couldn't spend the night outside in this weather. Servo: He only realised that NOW? It didn't matter how scared I was of this place Mike: (James) And its ignorance of avant-garde architecture. Servo: Oh yes, those wooden buildings are real scary all right. - Jessie had to stay warm! Crow: Well, if you’re going to wear a belly-exposing outfit, you’re going to get cold. She knew the risks when she bought it. So, I offered no more protests as we made our way down the hill and towards the town. As we approached the gates, we saw the words "Dark City" painted on a rotting wooden sign. Mike: (James) Uh oh. I saw that movie- if I wake up in a bathtub with a dead prostitute, I’m getting the hell out of here. Rather fitting name, I said to myself. "Ya really think dis place is deserted?" Meowth asked. "It seems weird dat everybody'd just leave all of a sudden." Mike: They heard that Cori Falls was coming from the East. Flight was the only option. "Kind of makes you wonder what made them leave," I remarked. Mike: Pity Team Rocket, for they don’t know that Cori is coming. They’ll be hit before they even know it. I still had a bad feeling about this town...and that bad feeling was growing worse by the second! Servo: (James) It was all the graffiti stating “Pennywise Lives” and “Beware Of The Walkin Dude”. And one that stated “P-Rick iz a Wonker”. Jessie slowly shook her head. Crow: (Jessie) It doesn’t say wonker. That’s an A, not an O. "No. It's not deserted. We're being watched...I can feel it." Servo: (waves) "We are?!" I asked nervously. "By whom?!" Mike: Team Rocket have the power to sense hidden cameras for prank-the-public TV shows from up to fifty feet. "I think they're...over there," she replied, pointing to Mike: A group of people. Servo: (Meowth) Huh, musta missed ‘em. a large building further up the street. As the three of us went to investigate, however, I suddenly felt something whiz All: EWWWWWWWWWW! Mike: James, damn it, hold it in! past the side of my head. Then, I heard Jessie cry out in pain. Crow: (Jessie) Oh dear God, a fashionable clothes store and we just missed the half-price sale! I looked over at her and saw that she was doubled over and clutching her head. Crow: (James) Jess, be strong! There’ll be other sales! "Jess, are you okay?!" I cried. She looked up at me, and I saw that a large, purple bruise was forming on her forehead. "T-they just hit me with a rock!" she gasped in a voice that was half-frightened and half-outraged. Mike: Jessie, frightened of someone throwing rocks? She’s got a bazooka and a ravenous purple snake! She can kick their pansy asses! I took Jessie in my arms again and smoothed back her hair. Crow: (Jessie) Out of the way! I can’t get a good shot with you blocking my line of fire! "Why would they want to do such a terrible thing?!" I asked. Servo: (Rock thrower) It makes me feel like a big man! Mike: For a minute, I thought he was commentating on people who write fanfics like this. "Hey! Yer real goddamned brave, hittin' an unarmed woman like dat, aren't ya?! Mike: Jessie, unarmed? Jessie, who can whip firearms and mallets out of nowhere, is unarmed? AHAHAAHAHA Servo: AAHAHAAHAHAHAHA Crow: AHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAA! Mike: Whew. Servo: Maybe he’s trying to lull them into a false sense of security. Crow: (Meowth) Youse dirty rats! You threw rocks at my unarmed friend! [whispering] Nearly loaded the gun? OK… Why don't ya show yerselves, ya cowards?!" Meowth challenged them. Mike: Because they’re cowards. Duh. Jessie and I looked in the direction that the rocks had come from and saw three little boys emerge from a dark alley. Servo: (James) So, Busted! We meet again! They didn't look like they were any older than seven! "What do you kids think you're doing?!" I demanded. Mike: (Kid) Throwing rocks at people’s heads. Duh. Servo: That’s twice now you’ve ended a sentence with “duh”. You’re not going pseudo-cool 1990s teenager on us, are you? Mike: Perish the thought. "You just hurt my friend!" The boys scowled at us. Servo: Jessie’s head had ruined a perfectly good rock! "You and your friend are pokemon trainers, aren't you?" one of them said in a venomous tone. Crow: Damn! PETA get everywhere these days! Mike: I’m getting odd images when I think of seven-year-olds talking venomously. Crow: (Venom) Pokemon trainers! We’ll eat your BRAINS! Mike: Yep, that’s the one. Servo: And Pokemon’s not capitalised either. Oh Cori. "So what if dey are?!" Meowth replied, coming to our defense. "Ya got some kinda problem with dat?!" "Yeah, we've got a problem with that!" Mike: Such wit and repartee! the boy shot back as he and his two friends drew closer. Crow: Seems they just noticed how much bigger Team Rocket are. Servo: (Jessie) Ah, sod the diplomatic approach. Let’s mug them. Before any of us could say something to defuse the situation, however, Servo: (James) Jessie mugged them. each of the boys brought out a large bamboo stick. Mike: (James) Which we had not noticed before, despite them being big sticks. The lead boy started beating Meowth with his stick, Crow: The lead boy’s guts separated from his body two seconds later. Mike: Ah, the youth of America. Doesn’t it make you feel proud? and the other two came for me and Jessie. Well, this was an interesting dilemma. Mike: Team Rocket had so many options when it came to beating up the snot-nosed punks, and they could only choose one! These kids meant business, and we had to defend ourselves, but how were we supposed to do that?! Servo: Physical violence. Duh. Mike: Hypocrite. Servo: Sorry. If they hated pokemon trainers so much, it was obvious that they didn't have any pokemon of their own, which meant that we Crow: (James) …had a tactical advantage. Heyyyy… GO WEEZING! Servo: (Weezing) Wheeze… wheeze… wheeze… Bah, silly health groups, saying smoking ruins your lungs… wheeze… couldn't challenge them to a match. And we couldn't very well fight them -- they were just children, after all, and we'd never use physical violence against children! Mike: Well, there was that time they shot a jet of flame at Ash at Indigo Stadium and dropped flash bombs on him… Servo: That’s using artillery! That’s different, and much more moral! Crow: Guys, the children are assaulting you. Quit with the morality and get on with the beatdown! (Hmmm...maybe that's why we always lose to the twerps. Crow: (James) That and because we’re incompetent. We've never once beaten them up or sicced our pokemon on them, yet they have absolutely no qualms about attacking us. Some heroes! Sheesh!) Crow: (James) …ARRRRRRRG! Where did THAT come from? It was almost like I was possessed and made to act as some mouthpiece for an author! Mike: (Jessie) Yeah, that does seem to happen a lot these days. "Pokemon trainers aren't welcome here!" one of the boys shouted as he took a swing at me. I quickly jumped backwards and dodged the attack. Crow: Oh just punch him already! Their parents will thank you! From the corner of my eye, I saw Jessie wrench the stick away from the boy that was attacking her, Crow: And shove it up his arse. and I knew that I had to do the same. Crow: (James) All right kiddie, prepare to grease up that- Mike: NO. When my assailant took another swing, I met the attack and Mike: Got whacked. caught the stick before it hit me. Then, I pulled it away from him and broke it over my knee. Now that he was disarmed, the boy backed off. I looked and saw that Jessie's attacker had backed off as well. Mike: (Boys) Fall back! Weapons have been compromised- get back to the rock pile, reload and prepare for Attack Plan 9505! Meowth, however, wasn't so lucky. The boys had taken him by surprise and knocked him upside the head at the beginning of the fight, and he looked like he was too disoriented to defend himself. In fact, he looked like he was ready to faint! Servo: Yes, that’s right. The Pokemon that survived and triumphed over the repeated strikes of an Onix… is being beaten up by a seven-year-old with a stick. Crow: (Meowth) All right already, I’ll hand over da lunch money! Well, I wasn't going to just stand there and let those little bastards hurt Meowth like that... Servo: (James) Only me and Jessie are allowed to give him concussions! or let them get away with what they'd done to Jessie, for that matter -- I had to do something! "You stop that right now!" I snapped. Mike: Yeah. Very decisive action there, James. As I grabbed Meowth and tried to pull him to safety, however, I felt my face explode in a white-hot burst of pain as the boy's stick smashed into me. Mike: Aren’t you glad you didn’t stoop to physical violence, Jimmy? I screamed in agony, and Meowth and I reeled backwards and collapsed in the dirt. Crow: …he’s seven and wielding a stick! You’ve survived HAMMERS! "We said you're not welcome here!" he growled. "Get out of Dark City, and don't ever come back!" Mike: (James) But you’re blocking the way out! "How dare you?!" I heard Jessie say a low, menacing snarl. Crow: Uh-oh. They’ve gone and insulted her hair. I opened my eyes, and through the tears that blurred my vision, I could see her throwing her poke ball and releasing Arbok. Mike: Oh, so NOW it’s OK to use Pokemon on them. "Chaaar-bok!" the cobra hissed as she positioned herself between the three of us and our assailants. Crow: (Jessie) Well, I wanted you to eat them, but this works. The boys' eyes widened in fear when they saw Jessie's pokemon. They wouldn't dare attack Arbok the way they'd attacked us Servo: (Boys) Look at the size of the stick it’s got! - she was at least five times bigger than they were, and she could easily crush them with one swipe of her tail. Mike: Why she doesn’t is a mystery to us all. "All right, listen up, you little brats!" Jessie snapped. "I've had enough of you and your stupid crap! Servo: Jessie VS the Rocketshippy writers! Crow: (Jessie) You DARE to present me as a wilting-flower wimp who needs James’ manly help? YOU DIE! So, either you leave us alone, or the big, bad pokemon trainer is going to get her big, bad pokemon to EAT YOU UP!!!" Servo: (Arbok) Eh, they look too stringy. Crow: (Jessie) OK, we’ll stab them with the extraneous exclamation marks. When she said this, Arbok hissed again and flared her hood, revealing the menacing markings on her underbelly. Mike: And by that, we mean the funny doodles on it. Then, she leaned closer to them and bared her fangs. All of the color drained from the boys' faces, and they turned tail and ran. "WAAAHHH!!! SHE'S GOT A POKEMON!!! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!!" they screamed. Mike: (Boy #1) I’m starting to think our plan of driving away Pokemon trainers with sticks has a fatal flaw. Crow: (Boy #2): Right, first thing tomorrow, we go get a bigger stick. "Good girl!" Jessie laughed as she returned Arbok to her poke ball. Servo: (Arbok) If I’m so good, why are you imprisoning me again?! Despite the intense pain both of us were in, Meowth and I laughed, too. Mike: (Meowth) It’s fun ta watch Pokemon who ain’t me get imprisoned! We knew that Jess wouldn't have really gotten Arbok to attack those kids – Crow: Sure. We believe you. she just wanted to scare them away...and it worked! "Are you guys okay?!" Jessie asked, kneeling next to us. "I...I think I'll be fine," Meowth replied. But we knew that he wasn't -- his voice was a little slurred, and he looked like he had vertigo when he tried to stand. Crow: (Meowth) ‘m fine, ‘m not pished… jus’ gimme the keys… We were going to have to carry him until we found a place to stay for the night. Servo: (James) And by “we”, I mean “me”. Cursed submissive placing within the relationship! Before I could do anything to comfort him, Crow: …wow. So many things I can say and not one of them isn’t wrong. however, Jessie gasped. "James! You're bleeding!" "I...I am?!" Mike: (Jessie) Wait, no, it’s just ketchup. My bad. I placed a hand to my nose and felt a warm, sticky stream of blood flowing from it. Servo: And that’s why cocaine is a bad habit. "Shit! They really nailed you!" she said. Crow: (Jessie) Nya-nya, you got beaten up by kids! Now that Meowth and Jessie weren't in danger anymore, I remembered just how much pain I was in, and I began to cry. Crow: (Jessie) Awwwww, is the baby gonna cry? Cry baby, cry! "Shhh...it's okay, James," Jessie said softly. Mike: Clearly she hasn’t seen the rest of this fic. She reached into her pocket and brought out a white handkerchief. "Lean your head back and relax," she told me as she gently pressed it to my nose. "Jessie, your handkerchief is going to be ruined!" I protested. Crow: (Jessie) Hey, you’re right! Sod your nose, go get your own hankie! Servo: Even in the midst of pain, James remembers to think of the apparel. How… in character. "That's not important," she replied. "Just keep your head back until the bleeding stops." For several minutes I sat there with my head back and Jessie's white silk handkerchief (which was no longer white...and probably never would be again) on my nose. Jessie, meanwhile, stayed by my side and alternated between patting me comfortingly on the shoulder and scratching behind Meowth's ears. Before long, both Meowth and I found that we felt better. All: (dull) Yay. Mike: How did Meowth get better from a concussion/skull injury so quickly? Crow: (Meowth) I feel so much better! In fact, I’m going to take a nap! There was just something about Jessie's touch. Servo: It was radioactive and induced rapid mutation. "How's your nose?" she asked when the bleeding finally stopped. Mike: (James) Broken. "It's better now, but it still hurts," I replied. "Thanks, Jess." Jessie smiled at me. "You know, James," she said, "when I was a little girl, there was something my momma would do whenever I got hurt. Something that made me feel better every time." I raised an eyebrow. "Really? What did she do?" Crow: (Jessie) Gave me booze. Her smile grew a little wider. "She'd give me a kiss." I felt my heart flutter when she said this. Did she really want to kiss me?! All: AAAAAAAARG. Mike: Is this meant to be romantic and funny? Is it? Crow: Apparently so. All: ARRRRRRRRRG! Jessie's lips parted a little, and she began to lean towards me. Her eyes were sparkling again. Now my mind was racing as quickly as my heart. Oh, my God! This is it! She really IS going to kiss me! Servo: Well, yes. You just figured that out? Her mouth was now only a couple of inches away from mine. My lips trembled in anticipation, and I felt my face turning red. Crow: Just imagine how he’ll react when it comes to sex! I didn't care if Meowth was watching! Crow: (James) And videotaping. I didn't care that the storm clouds had rolled in, and it was going to start raining any second now! Mike: You will in a second… All that mattered was that Jessie and I were about to kiss! As her lips continued to inch closer to mine, I started leaning in towards her. I'd been waiting for this moment for such a long time, and now it was finally here! Servo: Would Jessie really take this long to lean in and kiss someone? Mike: She’s struggling against the badfic but it’s slowly winning. Just as our lips were about to meet, however, Jessie lifted her head slightly and Crow: Screamed abuse at the gods for letting the badfic take her like this. kissed me on the nose. My lips ended up pressed against her chin. Damn! I said to myself. Just a kiss on my sore spot! All: (dully) Ha. Ha. Well, deep down, I knew that was what she'd really meant when she hinted that she was going to kiss me. Mike: Then what was all the above about?! But the way she'd been leaning towards me...the look in her eyes...a guy can dream, can't he? Even if it wasn't a mouth-to-mouth kiss, the feeling of her warm, soft lips on my nose was wonderful. Crow: (James) Well, except for the intense pain as her mouth pressed against broken nose-bone. It was certainly better than no kiss at all, and it felt so good that it really did make the pain go away! Crow: Huh. Pressing things against broken noses makes pain disappear. Hey Mike, mind if we test that on you? Mike: Yes. Suddenly, I realized that I was still kissing her chin. Servo: Did the pain in her chin go away too? I felt my face turn redder than ever as I quickly drew my lips away. Would she be angry with me if she knew what kind of kiss I'd really wanted? Mike: You haven’t paid much attention to Cori’s fanfics, have you? Servo: I always wondered about that. Even _Ash_ could notice they want to boink in Cori’s fics! How dumb are Team Rocket is they never get the hint? Wait a minute, she had to know -- there was no way my lips could have "accidentally" ended up on her, and it'd be kind of difficult not to notice something like that, after all. Crow: So if she is angry, you’re fucked. But, much to my surprise, she wasn't angry. When she finished kissing my nose, she drew away slightly and smiled again. Mike: And yet it takes them a few more months to realise that they love each other. Crow: (Sixth Sense) I see dumb people. Walking around like regular people. No, she definitely wasn't angry -- if she were, she'd have slapped me or yelled at me, or something. (And believe me, Jess isn't the kind of person who covers up her anger. Whenever something is bothering her, I'm usually the first to know about it!) Crow: Cori admits that Jessie is homicidally violent. Will wonders never cease? Servo: Enjoy it while it lasts, she ignores it later on. Crow: Crap. "Does that feel better?" she asked softly. "Yes, it does. Thanks, Jess," I replied. Mike: (James) I was, of course, lying in the hope of getting nookie. And it did -- my nose didn't hurt anymore, and instead, there was a warm, tingly sensation where her lips had been. It felt wonderful! Servo: Nothing like subtle romance! Crow: Yeah- nothing like it in this fic. "Good," she said. Then, her expression became serious again. "I can't believe how vicious those little brats were!" Mike: You think they’d be used to it by now. "Yeah!" Meowth groaned. "We was just mindin' our own business, and dey smashed youse guys in the face and tried ta kill me! What in hell is up with dat?!" Crow: (Meowth) Damn, could dey have been any more incompetent?! When I woz dat age, I’d started usin’ shivs an' broken bottles! Work far much better! When he said this, I suddenly remembered how those boys had hit Jessie in the head with a rock. The bruise on her forehead had darkened since I'd first noticed it, Mike: The bruise has gotten worse and you only just remembered it when it’s in full view? Servo: Too busy thinking about kisses, it seems. and she must have been in just as much pain as me and Meowth! Crow: Ah just kiss her. That cures all pain and disease in Cori-Land. "Come here, Jess. Now it's your turn," I said. Crow: See what I mean? She raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at me again. Mike: (Jessie) You’re not thinking of pulling that cliché crap on me, are you? Her quizzical expression became a smile when she saw me begin leaning closer, and she started to blush a little...just like I had! Servo: ATTACK OF THE CLONES! I wanted to keep going straight...straight for her lips, but I didn't have the nerve. Crow: Wimp. Instead, I just did the same thing she'd done and planted my kiss where she'd been hurt. "Thanks, James. Servo: (Jessie) Now the pain’s worse for me as well! Now I feel better, too!" she laughed when I finally released her. She was still blushing. Jessie and I gazed at each other for a moment. Mike: So, uh, what happened to all the need to find shelter from the rapidly approaching storm? Servo: Mother Nature waits for kissers. The way her sapphire eyes were shining told me that she'd enjoyed my kiss as much as I'd enjoyed hers. Had she felt something?! Did she want a real kiss as much as I did?! Crow: (James) And why did exclamation marks keep appearing by my question marks? There was only one way to find out.... "Hey! What about Me-owth?!" the cat piped up as Jessie and I started leaning towards each other again. "I got hurt, too, ya know! Where's MY kiss?!" All: …EWWWWW. Jessie smirked at me, and I chuckled. Crow: (James) The Pokemon fancies us and it’s funny! I could tell what she was thinking -- if it was a kiss he wanted, it was a kiss he'd get! All: …EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! With that, the two of us lifted Meowth into our arms and planted a big, wet, smacking kiss on either side of his face. "GAHHHH!!! YUCK!!!" he cried as he began to wipe himself off. "I wasn't bein' serious! Crazy humans!" Crow: Let this be a lesson- don’t jokingly ask for kisses in Cori-Land. People have died doing that. Jessie and I exchanged smiles again. Even though Meowth was complaining, he had a noticeably brighter expression on his face Servo: He’d stolen their wallets. - we really had made him feel better! Servo: No, trust me, it’s the wallets. Just as we were about to point this out to him and start making smart remarks, however, there was a loud clap of thunder, and I felt an icy raindrop sting my face. Mike: Hey guys! It’s the storm we were promised! It’s shown up to drive the plot forwards! Bots: Yayyyyy! "Alright, enough playin' kissy-face!" All: HURRAH! Meowth snapped as he climbed onto my head. "Let's find a place ta stay before it starts rainin' any harder! I HATE gettin' wet!" "You're right!" I said Mike: The plot! It's come to us! And we all thought it was just a myth! , pulling Jessie into another embrace in order to shield her from the rain. Crow: James apparently has yet to realise that water goes downwards. With that, the three of us continued making our way Crow: Towards more plot-halting kissing Mike: Now c'mon, keep the faith. up the street. After a couple of minutes, we saw a dim light coming from the windows of a nearby building. Servo: (James) See! I told you somewhere else would have a sale! Looking up at the sign, we saw that it was an inn...and that it had a restaurant! "Heh! Just what we need -- hot meals Crow: Pity it's a sushi bar then. and warm beds!" Meowth remarked. "Whatta the odds of dat?!" Mike: A million to one, and chances of those odds succeeding in fiction is 50/50. "Looks like our luck is finally changing!" said Jessie. "Yeah! It's about time we caught a break!" I agreed. Oh, how wrong we were.... Crow: Hey, cool- the characters have been reading Cori's later fanfics! Servo: (James) THE KISSING! THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE KISSING! IT WILL SWEEP DOWN ON US AND LEAVE NONE STANDING! @->->- Mike: When scene-breaks attack. > "May I help you?" the innkeeper asked Crow: (Jessie) Ah, a sex-toy shop! > as the three of us walked through the door. There was a hint of suspicion in his voice, as if he didn't trust us. Mike: This was because he didn’t. You live in a town where two rival Gyms regularly smash every building in sight, you learn to be very distrustful of strange people coming in with Pokemon. > "Yes. We'd like a room for the night, please," I told him. > "WAAAAAHHH!!!!! THAT'S THEM!!!!!" I heard somebody scream. Crow: The Ashley & Mary-Kate porn-fic writers had been spotted off the starboard bow. > We looked and saw the three boys who'd attacked us earlier. Servo: (Jessie) Who’s yo daddy?! Eh?! SAY IT! > They were all seated at a table in the far corner of the room. > "Those are the bad people we told you about!" the first boy whimpered to the innkeeper. Mike: (First boy) They broke all our rocks and sticks with their thick heads! > "Yeah! We were just minding our own business, and they tried to get their pokemon to kill us!" the second one informed him. Servo: Didn’t the innkeeper know those little brats throw rocks at people in the actual episode? Why is he falling for this wank? Mike: Because Team Rocket attack him later on and they must have a good reason to do so. Crow: Believing someone else is a good reason to attack them? All right! [whacks Mike] That’s for not believing that I didn’t spit my gum all over the floor! Mike: Wha-?! I SAW you doing it Crow: It’s the principle of the thing! Servo: Anyway, this is nothing. Later on in the fic, when it gets to the bit in the episode when Team Rocket set their Pokemon on the innkeeper, Cori has it that the Pokemon were just glaring at him. Crow: …but we clearly saw them roughing him up in the episode! Servo: Clearly she watched it in Cori-Vision! Where you shut your eyes and say ‘lalala’ really loudly if anything not fitting your world view shows up! > Jessie scowled, and that little vein she always gets when she's angry popped out on her forehead. Servo: Causing massive blood loss. > "WHAT?! That's a lie!" she shouted. > The innkeeper looked at us again and frowned. It was obvious whose side he was on. Crow: Goddamn Green Party voters. > "Look, I know we frightened them, and we're sorry about that," I said calmly. Mike: (Meowth) No we ain’t! > "But we were only acting in self-defense. Those boys threw rocks at us and beat us with sticks just because we're pokemon trainers!" > "So you admit it!" the innkeeper snapped. Crow: (James) …ALL RIGHT! YES! I ADMIT IT! I TRIED ON JESSIE’S SILK UNDERWEAR WITHOUT ASKING! Servo: The things Jessie did to him in response are too horrible to describe. > "Hey! Whadda you people got against pokemon trainers anyhow?!" Meowth demanded. Crow: (Innkeeper) You smell. > "Our city wasn't always like this," the innkeeper explained. Servo: The buses used to run on time and everything. > "It was once beautiful and prosperous, but it was destroyed by the greed and ambition of pokemon trainers." > "But why give us such a hard time?" I asked. Mike: …were you LISTENING? Trainers destroyed his hometown! And you are one! > "We weren't responsible for what happened. We just want a place to stay for the night, that's all." Crow: (James) Granted, we plan to skip out on paying the bill… > "Yeah! If we were here to cause trouble, believe me, you'd know it!" Jessie chimed in. > "I'm afraid your mere presence causes trouble," said the innkeeper. "I can tell from those uniforms you're wearing that you're with Team Rocket. You're not just pokemon trainers...you're evil pokemon trainers. Mike: Wow. This guy’s smart. Servo: I wish everyone the trio ran into in Cori fic’s was as smart as him. > Please leave my inn at once. We don't serve your kind here." Crow: This is a local inn for local people! There’s nothing for you here! > The three boys snickered. > A fire sparked in Jessie's eyes when he said this, Mike: (Jessie) ARG! THE PAIN! MY EYE IS MELTING! > and she reached for Arbok's poke ball again. "Well, of all the nerve!" > "No, Jessie," I said, placing my hand over hers before she could throw the ball. "If we attack, it only makes them right!" Mike: (Meowth) But we’re da bad guys! Servo: (James) Good point. GO GET ‘EM, ARBOK! Crow: I think the whole intending to attack them in the first place has already proved ‘em right, Jimmy. > Her expression softened a little as she looked up at me. "Good point," she muttered. Then, she turned back to the innkeeper and said, "Hmmmph! I wouldn't spend the night in a seedy dive like this anyway! Mike: What were you planning to do halfway up the page then? > Come on, James! Meowth! Let's go!" With that, Jessie turned her nose up at the innkeeper and the three boys and walked out the door in a huff. Crow: (Innkeeper) Ha! That’ll show ‘em, trying to come in here and pay for lodgings! > "Yeah!" said Meowth, who was still perched on my head. "I've lived in dumpsters with more class den dis joint!" Servo: And they offered free bread and breakfast too! > "I wonder which is more evil," I said over my shoulder as I followed Jessie. "Pokemon training, or turning out paying customers on a cold, stormy night just because you don't like the way they look." Mike: James, you commit crimes all over the country and he knows this. That really sinks your whole moral high ground thing. > The innkeeper frowned at me again. He knew I had a point. Servo: (Innkeeper) No I don’t. mood: bitchybitchy 1 decided | i can't decide ( 1 decided — i can't decide ) your entitled savage bitch :D: Nurikosarajayechan on October 1st, 2004 02:34 pm (local) Wow, I didn't expect this to pop up on my friends page! :D Crow: (Meowth) Youse dirty rats! You threw rocks at my unarmed friend! [whispering] Nearly loaded the gun? OK… XD "*BLAM!*" Before any of us could say something to defuse the situation, however, Servo: (James) Jessie mugged them. XD The lead boy started beating Meowth with his stick, Crow: The lead boy’s guts separated from his body two seconds later. Mike: Ah, the youth of America. Doesn’t it make you feel proud? Owie. XD If they hated pokemon trainers so much, it was obvious that they didn't have any pokemon of their own, which meant that we Crow: (James) …had a tactical advantage. Heyyyy… GO WEEZING! Servo: (Weezing) Wheeze… wheeze… wheeze… Bah, silly health groups, saying smoking ruins your lungs… wheeze… XD We've never once beaten them up or sicced our pokemon on them, yet they have absolutely no qualms about attacking us. Some heroes! Sheesh!) Crow: (James) …ARRRRRRRG! Where did THAT come from? It was almost like I was possessed and made to act as some mouthpiece for an author! Mike: (Jessie) Yeah, that does seem to happen a lot these days. James: What are we going to do about it? Jessie: Slap tape over the author's mouth and tie her hands together! From the corner of my eye, I saw Jessie wrench the stick away from the boy that was attacking her, Crow: And shove it up his arse. and I knew that I had to do the same. Crow: (James) All right kiddie, prepare to grease up that- Mike: NO. XD XD Servo: Jessie VS the Rocketshippy writers! Crow: (Jessie) You DARE to present me as a wilting-flower wimp who needs James’ manly help? YOU DIE! Yay, Jessie! XD So, either you leave us alone, or the big, bad pokemon trainer is going to get her big, bad pokemon to EAT YOU UP!!!" Servo: (Arbok) Eh, they look too stringy. Crow: (Jessie) OK, we’ll stab them with the extraneous exclamation marks. XD Then, she leaned closer to them and bared her fangs. All of the color drained from the boys' faces, and they turned tail and ran. "WAAAHHH!!! SHE'S GOT A POKEMON!!! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!!" they screamed. Mike: (Boy #1) I’m starting to think our plan of driving away Pokemon trainers with sticks has a fatal flaw. Crow: (Boy #2): Right, first thing tomorrow, we go get a bigger stick. Boy 3: Yeah, and a mushroom! Boy 1: Dingdong, how is a mushroom gonna work? Boy 3: ...Umm...spores? Boy 2: You suck! "GAHHHH!!! YUCK!!!" he cried as he began to wipe himself off. "I wasn't bein' serious! Crazy humans!" Crow: Let this be a lesson- don’t jokingly ask for kisses in Cori-Land. People have died doing that. Yep... *moment of silence* *snicker* Servo: Clearly she watched it in Cori-Vision! Where you shut your eyes and say ‘lalala’ really loudly if anything not fitting your world view shows up! Yep. XD (Reply) (Thread) (Link) -- > @->->- Mike: The scene-break is attacking Tokyo! > "I can't believe this!" Jessie snapped as we continued up the street. "He just threw us out because of our uniforms! Crow: Uniforms of a well-known evil organisation! Geez, when did Jessie get so dumb?! Mike: (KKK) I can’t believe all these people hate us just because of our uniforms! > It's not like we were going to rob the place, or anything!" Servo: (Jessie) Well, granted, we WERE going to… > "Yeah! What kinda screwed-up city is dis, anyway?! Didn't anybody ever teach dese people manners?!" said Meowth. > "Apparently not," I replied. > Before long, the wind picked up, and it began to rain even harder. Mike: Mother Nature doesn’t look kindly upon whiners. > It looked like the storm was only going to get worse as the night progressed. I looked over at Jessie. She was trying to tough it out, but I could see her shivering, and I could hear the chattering of her teeth -- she was catching cold again! Crow: (Jessie) I’m going to really hurt the person who put a bare belly on this uniform! > Meowth jumped down from my head as I pulled off my jacket and wrapped it around her. I knew it wasn't much, but it would at least help keep her dry. Mike: Wait, he’s got a jacket and Jessie doesn’t? Servo: The attack of small rocks destroyed it. > Then, I picked up Meowth again and let him climb under my shirt so that he could stay dry, too. Crow: This seems disturbingly like how porn fics would start. Servo: (Meowth) Do youse EVER use deodorant?! > Once my friends were bundled up, I put my arm around Jessie again, and we continued on our way. Mike: To Mordor, where the shadows lie. > "Thanks, James," she said as she put her arm around me. "But won't you get cold?" > "I'll be fine," I told her. > Jessie looked at the bulge in my shirt and Crow: …screamed as the memories of a million mpreg fics came back to her. > smiled. > "Meowth's body heat must be keeping you nice and warm, huh?" > "Yeah, I'm a regular heatin' pad!" the cat replied in a muffled voice. > "Wish I could trade places," Jessie whispered. Mike: You want to be a heating pad? > "What was that?" I asked. > When Jess realized that I'd just heard her, she blushed and turned away from me. "Oh, nothing!" > But I knew it wasn't "nothing." It was pretty obvious that she was thinking about what we'd done on the night she came down with pneumonia. Mike: (Kryten) We got all our chores done early, and then we watched TV! We won’t see the like of those days again. > We'd been stranded in a mountain cave during a blizzard, and we'd kept each other warm by sharing our body heat. Crow: Or to put it another way- Mike: NO. > There had literally been nothing between us on that night...and even part of the next day! Mike: Still no, Crow. > You'd think it would have been an enjoyable experience for me, but that had to have been, without a doubt, the scariest night of my entire life! Servo: (James) The breasts! The horrible, horrible breasts! And that… that ungodly terror at her groin! It nearly drove me mad with fear! > Jessie didn't know just how sick she was at the time, but I did. Crow: (Jessie) Nothing sick with looking up Care Bears NC-17s! > And I'd been so afraid that she'd get worse Mike: - Crow: Lemme guess- “no”? Mike: Correct. > , or that we wouldn't be able to get her to a hospital in time. I was so worried she might die that the intimacy of the moment had been the last thing on my mind! Servo: (James) Oh, and that I would die, being in the same situation and all. > But don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't notice at all -- once Jessie had received treatment, and we knew she was going to be okay, I got to thinking about what we'd done...thinking about it a lot! Mike: (Jessie) Oh for god’s sake James, it was only a game of Scrabble! > I knew she didn't mind that I'd seen her naked, and I didn't mind that she saw me. Yet, I still couldn't help but wonder what she thought of me. Mike: (Jessie) You need to shave your armpits. > Had she liked looking at my body? Would she be angry with me if she knew that I'd liked looking at hers...that I thought she was beautiful? Servo: This is Jessie, so… nah. > As I looked at Jessie now, her face was turning as red as her hair, and I got the feeling that she was asking herself the same questions I was asking myself. Mike: (Brain) Jessie! Are you pondering what I’m pondering? > Maybe our relationship really had changed on that night! Crow: Wait, you don’t know?! Servo: Get this guy his Ritalin! > There had been a spark between us while Jessie was in the hospital, and her behavior towards me had been a little different since then. Mike: She only hit him six times a day instead of eight. > Maybe the fact that her life had been in my hands for awhile, that she'd had to rely on me completely...and that I hadn't let her down when she needed me, made her realize that she could trust me...that I'd never hurt her or betray her like so many others have. Crow: Alternatively, she just looked at your nekkid self and thought you were sexy. > Maybe now she realized just how much I love her...and maybe now I could finally find the courage to tell her so. > I held Jessie a little closer, and she smiled tenderly at me as we gazed into each other's eyes. I still wanted to kiss her...and she looked like she wanted to kiss me, too. My face began to turn as red as hers at the thought of it! Mike: Cue Humorous Interruption in 3, 2, 1… > Suddenly, Meowth poked his head out from the collar of my shirt. Mike: Told ya. > "Hey, Jimmy, are you okay?! Yer heart's goin' a mile a minute!" Crow: He’d heard flares were coming back into fashion, and a rush of fear had swept through him. > Then, he looked at me and Jessie and saw just how closely we were holding each other and that we were blushing. "Ohhh! Am I interruptin' somethin'?" he asked slyly. Servo: No shit, Sherlock. Mike: I’m confused… WHY did it take them so long to get together in Cori-Land when at this point in time, blobs under rocks in Venus could tell they loved each other? Servo: Badfics kill brain cells. > Jessie frowned at him and turned away. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" > Meowth smirked. "Aw, come on! I know youse two love-birds were gettin' ready ta play kissy-face again!" > "Shut up!" Jessie snapped as she shrugged my arm off of her shoulders. "We were not!" Crow: (Jessie) I’ll have you know we were planning to do the horizontal hoedown! > Meowth snickered and began to make kissing noises at us. > "Knock it off, Meowth!" I cried, shoving him back into my shirt. "And mind your own business!" Servo: Meowth, the voyeur. > Beneath my shirt, I heard him grumble something. Servo: (Meowth) My claws’re level wit yer guts, Jimmy. I’d advise treatin’ me wit respect. > "Just ignore him, Jess. He's being an idiot," I said. Servo: (Meowth) Dat’s it. Guts time! > But as I reached out to take Jessie in my arms again, she backed away from me. > "Jess?" > She folded her arms defensively across her chest. Mike: Folded arms- the newest word in missile defence systems. > "Jessie, don't tell me you're actually taking him seriously! You know Meowth always makes cracks about stuff like that!" > Jessie looked at me again and returned to my side, but she still wouldn't let me touch her. Crow: (Jessie) You keep poking me in the ribs. > I sighed. The moment had officially been ruined. All: Yayyyyyyyy! > And so, we continued on our way in silence, searching for an abandoned building or a sheltered alley where we could stay for the night. Crow: Or, look for another inn. Servo: They’d meet the same reception. Crow: Not if they go in with big guns visible. > After a few more minutes of walking, two young men emerged from a dark alley and approached us. Mike: Jehovah’s Witnesses get everywhere these days. > They were both wearing purple jumpsuits with a big red "K" emblazoned on the front and red boots and gloves to match. Very tacky style, but the colors were nice. Crow: When under possible attack, James still takes the time to appreciate the finer things in life. > "You're pokemon trainers, right?" one of them asked. Servo: (James) We have Pokeballs and a Meowth, what do you THINK? > "Yeah, yeah, we've heard the little song and dance -- we're not welcome here!" Jessie growled. "So spare us the crap, and we'll be on our way...." > "Wait! You don't understand!" said the second man. "We don't want to run you out of town! In fact, we want you to stay!" Mike: (Second man) We need someone to fix the plumbing, you see… Servo: (Meowth) All right, but we’re chargin’ standard rates. > Jessie and I gave them a quizzical look, and Meowth stuck his head out of my shirt again. Crow: And that’s how James got attacked for being a hideous mutant. Mike: (Meowth) Like my Alien impression? > "Hmmm?" we asked in unison. > "We've been watching you three since you arrived in town," the first one explained. Servo: (First man) You sure do whine a lot. > "We think it was really unfair how those kids were treating you, and we were really impressed with how you handled the situation. Crow: Yet… he didn’t step in to help them. Mike: Well, those kids did have sticks… > We believe you'd be valuable additions to our team." > Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?" she asked suspiciously. Mike: (First man) The Masons. > "We're the servants of the Kas Gym," they replied. Mike: Team Rocket aren’t important enough to get anyone higher than servants to recruit them, see. > "Gym? As in pokemon gym?" Meowth queried. > "Sort of," said the first one. "Technically we're only a fighting dojo right now, but the Pokemon League inspector is supposed to be here in a few days. Mike: (First man) Name’s Clouseau or something. Hopefully, he can solve who did that murder in the lounge with the candlestick. Personally, I say it was Colonel Mustard. > If he finds our gym satisfactory, then he'll bestow us with official Pokemon League status!" > "That's wonderful! Congratulations!" I exclaimed. Crow: (James) But why do you think WE care? > "It's not that simple, I'm afraid," said the second. "You see, there's another gym in this town -- the Yas Gym...." Servo: The rivalry between them was caused when the Yas had the audacity to mock Kas’ uniforms for being tacky. > "So?" we asked. > "Only one gym in this city can have official Pokemon League status, and the Yas Gym seeks to obtain it, just as we do," they explained. > "Oh, I get it," said Meowth. "Youse guys are just lookin' for new recruits ta help ya get rid of dis other gym!" Mike: (First man) Yes. Servo: (Jessie) Sounds like fun! > "No! It's more than that!" the first Kas trainer interjected. Servo: (Jessie) Sod it then. > Jessie smirked. "Is that so? Then tell me. What makes you any different from that other gym? Why are you so much better than they are?" Crow: (Second man) Our dental plan. > "The trainers of the Yas Gym are cowards who have no honor!" they cried in unison. Mike: Are there ever cowards WITH honour? > "Do you know why this city is falling apart?! Do you know why the citizens hate and fear pokemon trainers so much?! Crow: Because you and Yas keep blowing up everyone’s houses, dum-dum. > It's because of them! They don't deserve to become an official Pokemon League gym!" > "Heh. I'll bet if we spoke to some trainers from the Yas Gym, they'd say the exact same things about these guys," I muttered to Jessie and Meowth. Servo: (Yas) Nah. We say it in German. Mike: Team Rocket, passing up the opportunity for violence? Oh Cori. > "No doubt," Jessie muttered back. "Meowth is right -- they're just spouting propaganda to get new recruits." All: EIN REICH! EIN VOLK! EIN GYM! > "Please. For the sake of Dark City...for the honor of Pokemon League, will you noble trainers help us?" they asked. Mike: (Noble trainers) No. You can try asking the Team Rocket members though. > Meowth frowned. "Forget it, buddy!" he snapped. Crow: (Meowth) Nobody accuses me-owth of havin’ nobility and get away wit it! > "Why don't ya find some other trainers ta scam? We ain't gonna become fodder in yer little gym war!" > "Yeah!" Jessie and I said. Servo: (James) I mean, god! Your outfits are atrocious! You can’t expect use to join when we have to wear that! > "Wait!" they cried as we turned to leave. "We'll make it worth your while! You'll be paid handsomely for your services, and you'll have warm beds and hot meals...." > This made us stop for a moment. Crow: The way to a Rocket’s heart is threw its stomach. > "....And when Kas becomes an official Pokemon League gym in a few days, the three of you will be rewarded with official gym badges!" they continued. > Those were the magic words. Mike: Expecta Patronum! > "Did ya hear dat?!" Meowth exclaimed. "Hot meals and warm beds! Dat's exactly what we was lookin' for!" > "And they said they'd pay us!" I added. "We could use the extra money!" Mike: (James) Or Big Tony will get us for not paying him back. > "Plus, we'll be helping them become an official gym!" said Jessie. "Maybe if there was a real gym in this town, the people would stop being so mean to pokemon trainers! Mike: Yet… the reason everyone hates trainers is because of the damage they do here. And a few paragraphs ago, you seemed to know Kas was responsible for it. Ye gods, they’re losing brain cells as we watch! Crow: They’ll be needing adult nappies soon. > And the best part of all -- we'd earn our first official gym badge!" > "You're right, Jess! Once we have one badge, earning others will be easy!" I told her. Servo: (Gym Leaders) Dream on, wimp. > Jessie got a sparkly, far-off look in her eyes. "Oh, I've always wanted my very own set of gym badges!" she sighed. "If we made it to Pokemon League, we could show the world what great trainers we really are... Crow: What, somehow they’ll sprout talent that they never had in all the other battles they’ve had? Servo: They’ll win by wishing upon a star, having faith and liberal use of Pokemon steroids. > and put that arrogant little twerp, Ash, in his place!" > I closed my eyes and pictured it -- the three of us on center-field in Indigo Stadium, Mike: …getting beaten. > doing a victory-dance while Ash walked away in disgrace. (And it's not such a ridiculous notion, either! Mike: (Meowth) It is! > If he had to fight us in a fair match instead of getting his Pikachu to electrocute us, like he always does, I'll bet we really could win!) Servo: He may have a point. The writer’s take on how well Team Rocket does in battles against non-Ash, and even Ash, is oddly schizophrenic. Crow: (writers) Arbok and Weezing have obliterated the competition at the Princess Day tournament! Now let’s have them lose to single hits! Servo: And their best match? When Ekans and Koffing were in Salon Roquet gear. ‘Fashion covers up Pokemon’s inner strength’, my ass. > Then, after the twerp gets booed off the field, I'd take Jessie in my arms and tell her that I love her...and she'd tell me Mike: (Jessie) I know! I’m not thick! > that she loves me, too. And then, we'd kiss, and the crowd would start Crow: Making vomit noises. > cheering again.... > *WHACK* > I felt Jessie's paper fan come down on top of my head. > "Stop day-dreaming!" she snapped. > Oh, well. Back to reality. Crow: (Meowth) Duane Dibley?! I don’t wanna be Duane Dibley! > "All right. Ya got yerselves a deal," Meowth told the Kas trainers. > "But we insist on getting the money up front," Jessie added. Mike: (First man) Crap. > "Of course, of course!" they replied. "You won't receive the badge until everything is official, though." > "Of course," she echoed. > They nodded. "Excellent! Please follow us." Mike: (Shaun of the Dead) We’re going to the Winchester. > @->->- Servo: That thing really creeps me out. It’s planning something. > The Kas Gym was a large fighting dojo on the south end of town. (And the Yas Gym was a large fighting dojo on the north end of town, we soon learned.) The two trainers led us through the alley from which they'd first approached us and down several streets until we arrived at our destination. Crow: (James) A strip club? > "You'll have to speak with our leader first," the trainers informed us as we entered the gym. Mike: Gotta fill in the job application forms and all. > "Before you join us, he needs to determine if you're worthy." > "How does he do that?" I asked. Mike: He does horrible and arcane things, like asking you about your people skills. > "You've gotta face him in a pokemon battle," came the reply. "You don't have to beat him, of course. Servo: (First man) If you do, he cries like a baby. Best all round if you don’t. > Nobody's beaten our leader's Electabuzz -- not even the Yas Gym's Scyther! Mike: Y’know, Scyther’s are weak against Electric attacks and yet it seems Electabuzz never beat Scyther either. Crow: So the Yas and the Kas have pansy Pokemon? Mike: That or they duck fights for betting purposes. > But if you do well against him, Crow: (TR) Crap. >or if he likes your style, you're in!" Servo: James immediately started rehearsing his ballet moves. > "Sounds fair enough," said Jessie. > The two trainers took us down a long corridor. When we reached the end of it, they pushed a door open and gestured for us to enter the room. "Our leader is in here," they told us. > When we went inside, we saw a short, stocky man sitting cross-legged on a straw mat. Mike: (Jessie) Danny DeVito? Crow: (Man) I’m nOt ThE LeAdEr. I lOoK aFtEr tHe GyM wHiLe He’S aWaY. > A large, muscular Electabuzz was seated across from him. Mike: (Charles Atlas) I can make you have a physique just like Electabuzz’s! > Both of them had their eyes closed, as if they were meditating. Crow: Or, as it turned out, sleeping. > "Dis had better be good!" the man growled as he opened his eyes and looked over at us. Crow: (Man) I was having that cool dream about the ducks again! > "Sir! We've brought these two trainers and their pokemon to join the ranks of the great Kas Gym!" the trainers who'd brought us there said. Servo: The great Kas Gym needed someone to clean the toilets, see. > The gym leader rose to his feet and studied us for a moment. "Trainers?! Dey look more like Servo: Sneakers? > a couple of drowned Rattattas ta me!" he remarked. He then frowned at me and began to jab at the big lump in my shirt. Crow: (Man) Hur hur. > "And dis one's really outta shape!" > "Hey! Quit pokin' Me-owth!" the cat cried as he crawled out of my shirt and onto my head once again. Crow: (Man) Ye gods! What sort of perverts are these! > "A t-t-talkin' c-c-cat?!" the gym leader stammered. "H-h-how did y-y-you train it ta...." Mike: TV, and lots of it. > "Hah! We're just that good!" Jessie laughed. She then winked at me and Meowth. > "Heh, heh. Yeah! Dey sure did a great job of trainin' me, all right!" said Meowth. > "Talk is cheap- Crow: But only if you buy in bulk > pokemon trainin' is all about power," he said as he regained his composure once again. "Care ta face my Electabuzz and find out just how powerful ya really are?" Mike: (TR) No. > "You bet we do!" Jessie replied. > "How are we going to do this, Jess?" I asked her. "Do we take turns fighting him, do we attack together, or...." Crow: (Jessie) We throw Meowth at him and while he’s distracted by that, we quickly dig a hole and hope he falls in. If that doesn’t work, we’re sunk. > "I want youse guys ta hit me with yer best shot!" the gym leader replied before she could answer. Mike: He regretted that when Jessie fired her bazooka. > "Electabuzz is used ta fightin' large groups of enemies -- go ahead and use everything ya got!" > Jessie grinned and took out her poke ball. Servo: (Jessie) Godzilla! I choose you! > "Bring it on!" > The gym leader nodded. "Go, Electabuzz!" > Suddenly, the pokemon's eyes flew open, and he began to roar and pound his chest. Servo: He took his role in the theatre group’s adaptation of King Kong very seriously. > Jessie and I held our ground and threw our poke balls. > "Go, Arbok!" > "Weezing, go!" > As our two pokemon emerged, I suddenly remembered something – Crow: (James) We suck and keep getting beaten by Thunderbolt attacks, and Electabuzz has such attacks in spades! Damn we’re screwed! > I'd captured a Weepinbell in the Safari Zone last November! > Jessie's face lit up when she saw me bring out my other poke ball. "Oh! I forgot all about that one!" Servo: …I really hope you remembered him after enough to let him out so he can eat. Mike: It’s heart-warming, seeing how much Team Rocket really CARE about their Pokemon. > I hadn't used Weepinbell much since I'd captured him, but I figured it was time to change all of that. Crow: (James) Weepinbell! Clean the floor! > It was time to work with my new pokemon and make him every bit as wonderful as my Weezing! Crow: ...But Weezing’s hideous and useless. Mike: James was crying on the inside when he said that line, y’know. > "Get in there, Weepinbell!" I laughed as I threw the second poke ball. > "You, too, Meowth!" Jessie said, grabbing the cat by the scruff of his neck and tossing him into the fray as well. Servo: (Meowth) But I’m a conscientious objector! > (I certainly hoped that Jessie would catch another pokemon soon. It didn't seem fair that I had two now, and she had only one.) Crow: Well, her one doesn’t suck. She’s got the ace, I think. > "Dis'll be too easy," said the gym leader. "Electabuzz! Thunder Punch!" > The electric pokemon roared and pounded his chest again. Servo: Neatly electrocuting his nipples, as he forgot he was using Thunder Punch at the time. > Then, his biceps began to glow with electricity as he powered-up. > "Meowth! Fury Swipes!" Meowth commanded himself Crow: First sign of madness. Mike: Second is arguing with yourself. And losing. > as he unsheathed his claws and charged forth. > But just as he was about to slash, Electabuzz swung his fist and sent him flying into the wall. Mike: (Jessie) I knew there was a reason we never use Meowth… > Meowth groaned and slid to the floor. "Ugh...first round knock-out...." > The gym leader laughed. "Now hit 'em with yer Thunderbolt!" > Jessie and I exchanged smiles. Mike: Oncoming defeat is fun, boys and girls! > We'd faced enough electric attacks to know how to handle this situation! Crow: Which is to say, run away and hope you don’t get zapped. > "Weezing! Sludge attack!" > "Arbok! Wrap attack!" > As Electabuzz prepared to electrocute our pokemon, Weezing ducked in and spit a river of black sludge into his eyes. Mike: (Electabuzz) MY EYES! MY EYES ARE DISSOLVING! ARG! Servo: And that’s how Team Rocket got arrested for killing Pokemon. > Unable to see, he forgot his Thunderbolt Mike: Even though he should have fired it when Team Rocket were talking. > and began to thrash wildly about. Taking advantage of his vulnerability, Arbok wound herself around him and Crow: Got electrocuted. > squeezed until he fell to the ground, unconscious. Servo: Because Wrap Attack is such a devastating attack! I know I always win with one hit when I use it in the games! > "N-no! Nobody's ever beaten my Electabuzz before -- he's the Kas Gym's most powerful pokemon!" the gym leader gasped. Mike: (Gym Leader) Why, it’s almost like he was hit by a plot contrivance! Crow: So… how did Team Rocket get so powerful and effective, and why aren’t they like that with Ash? > "Guess it's not always about raw power, after all," I muttered to Jessie. > "Yeah! It takes brains to win a match, too!" she muttered back. Servo: And since you always lose matches… > "Youse two are stronger den ya look," he said to us. "How'd ya like ta be the number one bodyguards of the Kas Gym?" > "Number one bodyguards?!" Jessie said in disbelief. > "We're that good?!" I exclaimed. Mike: Nah. He just needs number-one bodyguards after the original ones quit to join showbizness. > He nodded. "Yer the best damned trainers I've seen in a long time! Crow: (Gym Leader) Granted, I spend most of my time watching porn instead of looking for good trainers… > The Yas Gym better watch out now dat we've got youse guys on our side!" > The two of us exchanged smiles again. Servo: (Jessie) He thinks we’re competent. Sucker. > "Come on," the gym leader said, opening the door and motioning for us to follow him. "I'll show ya around." > Jessie and I thanked our pokemon for a job well done and called them back. Crow: (Team Rocket) Thanks for doing all the work for us guys! Now back in your cages! Mike: Sometimes, I get this feeling that the Pokemon world is going to see a Communist revolution. > Then, I picked up Meowth, who was still lying on the floor, Servo: (James) Hey! Free doormat! > and we followed the gym leader. > He led us back down the corridor and into a large common area. There were about thirty young men kneeling at three long Japanese-style tables, talking amongst themselves and eating bowls of steamed rice. Mike: (Young man) I wish we could eat something besides rice for a change. Crow: Wonder what happens if one of the men wants soup? Servo: Then they give him evil looks. > "Dis is the mess hall," he informed us. Then, he stepped into the room and shouted, > "Hey! Listen up!" > The trainers fell silent and looked up at their leader. > "We got a couple of new bodyguards," he announced. "Dere names are...." He turned to face us again. "Who are youse guys, anyway? Servo: INS, Division 6. > I never heard yer names." > Jessie, Meowth, and I grinned at each other and chuckled. It was time for a formal introduction! > "Prepare for trouble!" Jessie cried, stepping into the mess hall. Mike: (Gym Leader) ...I’m going to regret asking, aren’t I? > "And make it double!" I said, coming to her side. > "To protect the world from devastation!" > "To unite all peoples within our nation!" Mike: Let’s see how you like unity when Ash is united with you. > "To denounce the evils of truth Servo: The mantra Tony Blair cries out at Labour party conferences. > and love!" > "To extend our reach to the stars above!" > "Jessie!" > "James!" Crow: (singing) Just like Jesse James… > "Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" > "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" > "Meowth! Dat's right!" Meowth said, doing a back-flip from my arms and landing on my shoulder. > The members of the Kas Gym stared at us in wide-eyed shock for a moment. Mike: (Member) What are you ON? > Then, they began to applaud! Crow: (Member) All right! Clowns! > "Wow! Is dat how ya always introduce yerselves?!" the gym leader asked. > "Yep! We can't make an entrance without the motto!" came Meowth's reply. > He raised his eyebrows. Servo: Yeah, it’s weird, but what’re you gonna do. > "I'm impressed! Youse guys must be real professionals!" > "Heh. Dat's a new one," Meowth muttered to me and Jessie. > "Yeah! Professionals!" Jessie and I replied, grinning at the gym leader. Mike: (Mr Pink) C’mon guys! We’re supposed to be f-king professionals! > He nodded approvingly. "Well, you seem pretty capable. I'll just leave youse guys ta get some dinner and get acquainted with the other trainers," he told us as he headed back to his quarters. > At the mention of dinner, I remembered just how hungry I was. "Sounds good to me," I said. > "Come on! Let's get some grub!" Meowth exclaimed. All: (singing) Food, glorious food/hot sausage and mustard/while we’re in the mood/cold jelly and custard… > "Yeah!" Jessie and I said in unison. > As we made our way towards the kitchen, however, I heard somebody say, Mike: (Voice) I hope you really like rice! > "Hey, gorgeous! Why don't you recite a motto for me?" Crow: James was flattered, but had to turn them down. > Then, I heard Jessie cry out. When I looked, I saw one of the trainers pinching her on the butt. Mike: …You are so dead, buddy. > A fire began to burn in her eyes, and at least five veins popped out on her forehead. "HOW DARE YOU?!" she screamed. > The trainer chuckled. "Ooh! A little spit-fire! This'll be fun!" Crow: This is one of the worst sexual harassment scenes I’ve ever read in my life. There is no God. Mike: Now hold on little buddy. Just think to yourself how much Jessie’s going to cripple them. Servo: Maybe he means Spitfire as in the warplane that shoots down things. > When he said this, he and several other trainers began to crowd around Jessie, grabbing at her and using lame pick-up lines. The angrier she became and the more she threatened them and tried to fight them off, however, the more turned-on they became, and the more they kept hitting on her. Crow: Miiiiike, where’s the crippling? Why isn’t Jessie smashing faces in left, right and centre like she does all the time when inconsequential stuff happens? Mike: I don’t know, Crow. I just don’t know. > I was enraged! Crow: Me too. Servo: (James) Cori was making Jessie into a wuss and I WOULD NOT STAND FOR IT! > Who did these guys think they were, pawing at Jessie like she was some kind of object?! Why couldn't they take "no" for an answer?! Why couldn't they leave her alone?! Mike: (Guys) It’s not our fault. We’re puppets, dancing to the beat of the cruel puppet-master Cori. Crow: (eerie calm) If I don’t see some violence from Jessie soon… I will kill something. I swear I will kill something. This abuse of characterisation. I can’t take it much longer. Only blood will sate me. Mike: … isn’t this about the time of the month we debug you? > "Why, I oughtta...." Meowth growled, unsheathing his claws. He was just as angry as I was! > Now I realized something. Mike: (James) Hey, bears DO crap in the woods! > Jessie couldn't handle this on her own! Crow: … HRG. … Mike: Oh no. Little buddy, keep it together, keep it- Crow: Run Mike. Run before it’s too late. Servo: I think we better start edging away… Crow: …Jjjjsssseee… not hitting people… needing help… can’t take anymore of thssssssssssssssRRRRRRRRRGGGGG… Mike: Have you been hanging around that Protoform X fellow again? > Those guys didn't take her seriously, and they weren't going to listen to her protests – Crow: NggggggggggHIT THEM!sssssssss… > she needed help...and I had to be the one to help her.... > "THAT DOES IT!!!!!" I shouted, pushing the trainers away from Jessie and standing protectively in front of her. "GET YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS OFF OF JESSIE AND LEAVE HER THE HELL ALONE, YOU PERVERTS!!!!!" > All of the trainers stopped what they were doing and stared at me for a moment. Then, Mike: They laughed and shoved him away, outnumbering him and all. > they obediently backed away. Mike: …what? James isn’t that scary! Servo: I dunno… when he’s wearing those inflatable boobs… Crow: ssssssssss… Mike: Uh, you calmed down yet Crow? Crow: There Is No Crow, Only Zuul. > "Whoa! You tell 'em, Jimmy!" Meowth exclaimed. > "Hey, I'm sorry, man!" said the guy who had originally pinched her. "I didn't know she was your woman!" Servo: Well, it’s more like James is Jessie’s woman. > "Yeah." > "Sorry." > "We didn't know." > Jessie sweatdropped when they said this, Mike: As opposed to whacking them. [looks over at Crow] Uh, I shouldn’t have brought that up, should- Crow: The Black Goat Has Been Seen As Far North As Indigo Plateau. The Great Old Ones Awake From Their Sleep. The End Is Nigh. Mike: Say, Servo, do we have any sort of restraining equipment handy? Servo: There’s chewing gum under the seats that’s still sticky. Mike: Guess it’ll do in a pinch. Crow: The Wussification Of Jessie Is The First Sign. All Shall Perish. > and I felt a river of sweat rolling down my face, too. > Meowth snickered. "So, dey think youse guys are a couple, huh?" Servo: Well, duh. > "Hmmmph!" Jessie grumbled. Servo: (Jessie) Can’t believe I’m in the fic- I don’t need the money THIS bad, surely?! > My heart fluttered. Jessie and I as a couple? What a wonderful thought! Crow: Your Putrid, Pestilent Excuse For A Romance Shall Be The First To Die At My Hands, Canon!Gary-Stu Thing. > "We can use dat ta our advantage," the cat continued. "Think about it, James! Mike: (James) …mmm, sorry, all I’m getting in my mind’s eye are donuts. > You can demand anything ya want from dese guys because yer outraged about dem hittin' on yer woman!" > Jessie muttered something under her breath. Mike: And by that, we mean shouted vulgar obscenities. > "Just go along with it, Jess!" Meowth said, jumping from my shoulder to hers. "Dese guys are gonna keep harrassin' ya if dey think yer single! Mike: Coz, y’know, it’s not like Jessie can threaten them with weaponry or Pokemon. > I know it ain't fair, but ya gotta let me and James protect ya for awhile!" Servo: (Jessie) Oh really? Who’s the one you two cower behind all the time when the going gets tough? Mike: This would be more interesting and in-character if it was James getting hit on by all the guys, and Jessie had to protect him. Servo: (singing) Y-M-C-A… > She scowled and closed her eyes. "Fine. I'll do it," she grumbled after a moment of hesitation. Mike: Jessie. Accepting a submissive position and needing to be protected. That’s not OOC in any way… [glances at Crow] Crow: [vibrating and glowing faintly red] Hssssssssssssssssssss… Servo: Race ya to the doors? Mike: We wouldn’t make it. Servo: Sez you. Crow: AAAAAAARG! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THIS IT OUT OF CHARACTER! JESSIE HAS BECOME A PATHETIC WIMP! THAT DOES IT! NOW, THE WORLD SHALL FEEL THE PAIN THIS PIECE OF FANWANK MAKES _ME_ FEEL! Mike: Y’know, running to the doors sounds quite appealing right n- Crow: NYYYYYYYYGAAAAAAA! [There is a violent explosion and the entire SOL is consumed in flame. From the wreckage, the great tentacles of the terrible Old Ones emerge and descend on Earth- at their helm, Crow leads the way, laughing maniacally.} Mike: Ts. Can’t take him anywhere. Servo: Hey, he destroyed the fic! We’re free! So… now what? Mike: Scrabble? Servo: OK. mood: draineddrained 1 decided | i can't decide ( 1 decided — i can't decide ) your entitled savage bitch :D: Younger!Gateausarajayechan on October 1st, 2004 03:54 pm (local) > "Thanks, James," she said as she put her arm around me. "But won't you get cold?" > "I'll be fine," I told her. > Jessie looked at the bulge in my shirt and Crow: …screamed as the memories of a million mpreg fics came back to her. XD XD > Beneath my shirt, I heard him grumble something. Servo: (Meowth) My claws’re level wit yer guts, Jimmy. I’d advise treatin’ me wit respect. > "Just ignore him, Jess. He's being an idiot," I said. Servo: (Meowth) Dat’s it. Guts time! James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I TAKE IT BACK!! > "We think it was really unfair how those kids were treating you, and we were really impressed with how you handled the situation. Crow: Yet… he didn’t step in to help them. Mike: Well, those kids did have sticks… Forget guns, knives and ammo...THEY HAVE A STIIIIICK! XD > "Dis'll be too easy," said the gym leader. "Electabuzz! Thunder Punch!" > The electric pokemon roared and pounded his chest again. Servo: Neatly electrocuting his nipples, as he forgot he was using Thunder Punch at the time. Owie. XD *continues to abuse the XD smilie* > Then, his biceps began to glow with electricity as he powered-up. > "Meowth! Fury Swipes!" Meowth commanded himself Crow: First sign of madness. Mike: Second is arguing with yourself. And losing. Meowth: 1 plus 1 is 6! No, 1 plus 1 is 2! I'm right! You suck, me! > as he unsheathed his claws and charged forth. > But just as he was about to slash, Electabuzz swung his fist and sent him flying into the wall. Mike: (Jessie) I knew there was a reason we never use Meowth… And once again, I draw a parallel between Fire Emblem and Pokemon. XD;; > A fire began to burn in her eyes, and at least five veins popped out on her forehead. "HOW DARE YOU?!" she screamed. > The trainer chuckled. "Ooh! A little spit-fire! This'll be fun!" Crow: This is one of the worst sexual harassment scenes I’ve ever read in my life. There is no God. I expected Jessie to break down weeping and wailing over it. Either in front of everyone (resulting in her running from the room), or in the shower later. X_x > When he said this, he and several other trainers began to crowd around Jessie, grabbing at her and using lame pick-up lines. The angrier she became and the more she threatened them and tried to fight them off, however, the more turned-on they became, and the more they kept hitting on her. Crow: Miiiiike, where’s the crippling? Why isn’t Jessie smashing faces in left, right and centre like she does all the time when inconsequential stuff happens? Cori: NO, Jessie! You're a good girl, no being violent and enjoying it! James will protect you! Jessie: YOU DIE NOW! *runs after Cori with a stick* Cori: OH NOES, A STIIIIIICK!! > She scowled and closed her eyes. "Fine. I'll do it," she grumbled after a moment of hesitation. Mike: Jessie. Accepting a submissive position and needing to be protected. That’s not OOC in any way… [glances at Crow] Crow: [vibrating and glowing faintly red] Hssssssssssssssssssss… Servo: Race ya to the doors? Mike: We wouldn’t make it. Servo: Sez you. Crow: AAAAAAARG! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THIS IT OUT OF CHARACTER! JESSIE HAS BECOME A PATHETIC WIMP! THAT DOES IT! NOW, THE WORLD SHALL FEEL THE PAIN THIS PIECE OF FANWANK MAKES _ME_ FEEL! Mike: Y’know, running to the doors sounds quite appealing right n- Crow: NYYYYYYYYGAAAAAAA! I know how Crow feels. u.u;;