In the far and distant future Downtown Midgar B.C There was a guy named Cloud Not too different from you or me He worked at the AVALANCHE H.Q. Just another face in an armored suit He did a good job protectin’ the place But the Turks didn’t like him so they shot him into spa-ace! (GET ME DOWN!) They’ll send him cheesy fanfics The worst, they can find He’ll have to sit and watch them all And they’ll monitor his mind! Now keep in mind Cloud can’t control Where the fanfics begin or end He’ll try to keep his sanity With the help of some of his friends! FF ROLL CALL! Aeris! (Here we go again. . .) Sephiroth! (Where’s my sword?!) Tifaaaaaaaa! (SWEET MOTHER MCCREE!) You’re probably wondering how they eat and breathe And other science facts So tell yourself, "This is just a spoof, I really should relax" For Final Fantasy Theatre 7000! *guitar twang* BEFORE THE STORY. . . Please note that the following fanfic has adult content in it and may cause discomfort to those who a)don't like this sort of thing, b)have a heart condition, or c)are sane. Thanks! Cloud Strife stuck the Buster Sword into the sand and lifted a hand. The sea in front of him parted, leaving a path of dry land (well, as dry as land can get in the ocean, anyway) for he and his comrades to cross. He turned to the others and said, "Quick! The ocean wil only stay parted for a certain amount of time!" "You better be right about the head start we got on the Turks," Sephiroth Jeter grumbled as he hurried after Cloud. "Oh, man, I can't swim," Tifa Lockheart fretted as she stepped onto the sorta-dry land between the large waves. "Guys, move it!" Aeris Gainsborough cried. "They're coming!" She pointed into the distance, where four figures could be vaguely seen. The four made haste through the water just as the Turks came clearly into view. "Get them!" Elena yelled. She urged on her horse and Rude, Reno, and Tseng rode after her. Just then. . . "Magic Voice, save and end Prince of Egypt program." The water disappeared, as did the Turks. "What'dja do that for?" Aeris asked. Sephiroth gestured towards the bridge. "Babe, the Mads are calling." The four congregated into the bridge and Tifa thwacked the Shiny Happy Button. Reno popped onscreen. "Hiya. . .*hic* Here's yer *hic* 'speriment. . ." He hit the button and fell from view with a thud. "Think they're partying up there?" Cloud asked dryly. Alarms and klaxons blared as the story went to script format. ALL: AAAAHHH! WE GOT MOVIE SIIIIGN! Door 6: "It's a bad fic, a bad fic. . ." Door 5: "How much longer will you keep sending us these bad fics?" Door 4: "The moment I started riffing. . ." Door 3: "Are you still mad that I starred in a bad lemon?" Door 2: "You were my very own riffing character. . ." Door 1: "That I would be good even if I riffed fanfics. . ." >>Here is a plain text version of the Final Fantasy 7 lemon I submitted earlier. AERIS: He submitted it twice? >>I would appreciate it if u posted it for me. Thanks for ur time. If u get a >>chance lemme know if the lemon has been posted so I can come and take a look >>at it. TIFA: *author* 'Cause, see, I'm the only one who's gonna read it. . . CLOUD: Excepting us. SEPHIROTH: Blame the Turks. >>Their First Time >>Disclaimer: The characters in this lemon are from squaresoft and Sony's Final Fantasy 7. AERIS: Sony doesn't own us! >>They own them, I don't, don't sue me. You fellows are all going to skip this section anyway >>so don't even worry about it. Read this, enjoy, and if you have any type of creative >>talent, TIFA:. . .then you'd be reading a Sailor Mac instead of this. Thank you! >>try writing one. It's fun. On to the story, enjoy!!!! ALL: We won't. >>Tifa decided that now was the perfect time for her to make the moves on Cloud. CLOUD: Checkmate! >>The two of them were the last two remaining people from their quest, >>everyone else had gone to visit and be with their loved ones. AERIS: Awww, Cid went to the tobacco store, idn't that sweet? >>Cloud and Tifa had no loved ones, except each other, but neither realized how the other felt. >>Tifa knew how she felt though... She loved Cloud. She really did, she had since he had >>dressed up at sector 6 to come and rescue her. SEPHIROTH: With the bikini briefs, the silk dress, the blonde wig, and the diamond tiara? CLOUD: *hides his face in his hands and mumbles something about injustice in today's society* >>It was so romantic!!! All that was left was for her to >>crack his cool, ex-soldier exterior and let him realize how she felt. Let him see how much >>she loved him... >>Cloud felt his dick get harder each time he snuck a peak at Tifa TIFA: So he's sneaking mountains at me? AERIS: *cough cough that would explain a lot cough cough cough* >>from behind the steering wheel. >>The outfit she wore barely covered her ass, CLOUD: Oi! She must be cold. >>and the tight t-shirt did justice to her massive >>well-shaped breasts. Her body was something he had yearned for AERIS: *blinks* Uh, Cloud, I didn't know you wanted a woman's body, I thought you were happy as a man. >>since he saw her getting dressed that day long ago in Nibelhelm. It would be pointless for him >>to try and count the number of times he had masturbated to the sight of her changing, >>exercising, and once or twice masturbating TIFA: EXCUSE ME?! SO THAT'S WHO THAT PEEPING TOM WAS! YOU PERVERT! *slaps CLOUD* >>Unfotuanetly he had left the town before he had a good chance to get at her pussy. CLOUD: I don't want her cat, I've got a dog. Caesar would eat up Fluffkins. >>Now though, >>all Cloud could think of was how much he loved Tifa. He tried to compare it to the way he had >>had felt about Aerith, but all he could remember about her was the way she fondled his manhood >>at the Gold Saucer. ALL: O_o SEPHIROTH: Uh. . .Aeris? When did you do that? AERIS: Uh. . . ^.^;;; >>Aerith was a great friend, to all of them, and her last wish was that >>Cloud be with the one who truly loved him. TIFA: Awww, she wanted him to be with his Care Bears. . . >>Aerith had loved Cloud's resembalance to Zack, Tifa >>loved Cloud. SEPHIROTH: What? Are you nuts? Cloud doesn't run around in a black Spandex suit! AERIS: *dreamy* Wouldn't it be nice if he did, though? >>Period! SEPHIROTH: Exclamation point! AERIS: Comma! TIFA: Semicolon! CLOUD: Ampersand! >>He understood now, Tifa would die for him if he wanted it, CLOUD: Tifa, die for me. TIFA: Okay. >>she would give everything up simply so he wouldn't be sad or angry. CLOUD: Tifa, give up everything so I won't be sad or angry. TIFA: Okay. >>He loved her and now he just had to figure out how to let her know, without letting his cool >>exterior crack. >>" Hey Cloud!!!", where are we gonna dock the Highwind for the night?" AERIS: On Rufus's hair? SEPHIROTH: You could land the Titanic on his hair and not muss up a strand. >>Tifa's question jarred >>Cloud awake from his daydream and back into reality. " I don't know do u have any particular >>place in mind?" he asked her. CLOUD: Oh my God it's Oscar! TIFA: He he he! I'll frogn at Cloud and he'll be all mine! Just so long as he doesn't *hcase* my *tennis*! >>After thinking the couple decided to dock the ship on the Wutai >>Island, but far away from Wutai and Yuffie. AERIS: *squish* SEPHIROTH: Apparently not as far away from Yuffie as they thought. . . >>They sat inside and talked for a while about their past, Nibelheim, and their journey. Every >>topic seemed to lead back to the fact that they both loved each other. CLOUD: Say, Tifa, did you buy some milk yesterday? TIFA: Yes, I did because I love you. Did you take Yuffie to the amusement park yesterday and leave her tied upside down on Space Mountain? CLOUD: I did it because I love you. >>Eventually Tifa got frustrated that she couldn't voice her feelings. >>" Cloud I'm gonna go out and get some air ok" Cloud, not wanting to be away from Tifa for a >>second readily offered to go with her. So they both descended down to the ground, SEPHIROTH: Kewl! They were floating in the air! >>Tifa making >>sure she went first, AERIS: Why? So Cloud can stare at her backside or so she doesn't have to stare at his? >>once on the ground Cloud grabbed her and began to tickle her. She laughed >>and gazed up into his eyes... >>Both turned away with red faces and immediately tried to brush off the situation. >>For those of you who are wondering, the sex starts soon, so be patient, its a good lemon. CLOUD: *arches eyebrow* This is a good lemon? >>Tifa strolled a little distance from where Cloud was standing. Almost as if on cue a soft >>breeze began to blow, whipping Tifa's hair up and about, and highlighting her entire figure. >>Her small skirt flickerd in the breeze, TIFA: Flickered and lickered? >>and it wasn't long until loud found himeslf staring >>at her ass agin. AERIS: Loud? Where'd Cloud go? CLOUD: Cloud got himself a one way ticket outta the fic. >>Suddenyl Cloud began to speak. " Tifa I love you" he began. He found it >>difficult to open himself up like this, SEPHIROTH: Silly Cloud! That's what scalpels are for! >>but he forced the words out. He told her about knowing >>she would rescue him from the lifestream trance, and about how he watched her back in the day, >>and about how he always loved her. He sat wishing that she would come to him at the Gold >>Saucer. AERIS: Oh, so you wasted our whole date at the Saucer yearning for Tifa? Hmph! >>Cloud finished spilling his heart and uttered the phrase " I love you Tifa". >>When Tifa heard him begin to speak her heart leapt up into her throat. When Cloud got to the >>part about watching her masturbate, she felt a warmness creep between her legs. *A small "meow" is heard and a little black and white striped kitten jumps onto Tifa's lap* TIFA: Fluffkins! SEPHIROTH: *melts into a gooey puddle on the floor* Awww. . . >>She remembered >>those days, cumming all over her hands and the bed, and sucking on her own breasts. CLOUD: Oh, wow, she is Tifa the Amazing Rubber Woman. >>Even then >>she knew she was going to save herself for someone special. As Cloud finished speaking Tifa >>spun around AERIS: Whee! It's fun on the Tifa-Go-Round! >>and leapt into his arms, longing for his embrace. They held each other for what >>seemed like an eternity TIFA: But was really only about three seconds, because Cloud's toothpick arms gave out and dropped her. >>then finally Tifa lifted her lips until they met his, and they shared >>their first kiss together. >>Cloud was caught by surprise when he felt Tifa's tounge slide into hios mouth and start >>probing. SEPHIROTH: Oh, is she going to probe his an--*THUNK* Owie! TIFA: *removes the hilt of the Masamune from his head* >>He had expected a hug and a soft kiss, but now he realized that they had to release the tension >>that they had held inside of themselves for years. They had waited for each other, >>like Locke >>for Celes, like Usagi for Mamoru, like Tenchi for Ryoko, like Lina for Gourry. AERIS: Like water for chocolate. CLOUD: Like water for Ranma. >>They continued to >>kiss each other as Cloud slid his hands down her back and under her skirt. He began to fondle >>her ass for a while, and finally he slid one finger into her pussy under her pantys. SEPHIROTH: Tifa, why are you keeping Fluffkins down there? >>Tifa moaned a soft, wordless sound of desire into Cloud's ear as he touched her. She wanted to >>feel him, but he had pinned her arms down with his in his hug. Her body began to shiver as they >>continued to kiss. TIFA: Brr. . .c-c-cold. . . >>Finally they both fell to the ground because of the force of Cloud's hug. >>Once her hands were free Tifa reached for CLoud's shirt and pulled it over his head. She >>rolled him on his back and began to lick at his hard chest and stomach. Working downwards, >>until she came to his fly. >>With her teeth, Tifa pulled down Cloud's zipper, AERIS: Well, I guess we had to bring in . . . *looks around* . . .teeth . . . sometime. CLOUD: My God, Gainsborough, that was the most obscure joke we've ever made! >>freeing his manhood slightly. >>She reached into his zipper with her hand and began to stroke Cloud's raging hard on, SEPHIROTH: *raging hard on* Me want woman and me want woman now! TIFA: With apologies to Mike Surbrook. >>while >>pulling his pants off. Once his pants were off Tifa continued to lick down his stomach until >>she came to the base of his shaft. Once there she took one of his nuts in her mouth AERIS: Mmm! Cashews! >>and then the other. She slowly licked her way up his shaft and then began to suck on and lick >>his head. CLOUD: Eeeerm . . .when did she go from my pants to my head? SEPHIROTH: I'd like to know how she can fit that hair-spike into her mouth anyway. >>Cloud shivered due to the attention he was receiving from his love. He begged her to stop >>toying with him and suck him hard. Tifa happily complied, taking all 7 inches of Cloud's shaft TIFA: Did CATS edit this? FLUFFKINS: Mew? TIFA: No, not you. >>into her throat then sliding his hard, virgin shaft in and out of her mouth. Cloud looked down >>and saw Tifa's head bouncing up and down ALL: Boingee boingee boingee! >>while he felt the warmth and wetness around his cock. Just the sight alone was almost enough >>to make him cum. >>Cloud knew he wasn't going to last very long, and he had another plan before he busted his >>first nut. AERIS: Ouch. That would be painful. >>Gently grabbing Tifa's head he pulled her off his dick and kissed her again. He flipped her >>over and began to lick her gently while getting plenty of her juice on his hands. SEPHIROTH: Apple juice! Yummy! ^_^ >>Cloud quickly >>undid Tifa's top and pulled her skirt off, making it easrier for him to play. CLOUD: I'd like to know who invented strip Parcheesi. . . >>Every drop of girl >>cum he got on his fingers he rubbed on her breasts. He lifted his head up and began to lick >>all of the girl juice of her breasts with his wet tounge. Once CLoud had her titties nice and >>wet he slid his dick between her two mountains. TIFA: And we are doing this in public? >>Tifa squezed her breasts together as hard has she could >>and took Cloud's head into her mouth everytime he pumped her breasts. Cloud moaned and kept >>whispering to Tifa that he wanted to spend his life with her. Tifa again felt herself float >>into heaven when he spoke to her. Her fingers worked quickly between her legs AERIS: Whoa whoa whoa. That could be taken a different way than the way it was supposed to be taken, you know. I mean, for God's sakes, she could be doing intricate shadow animals between her knees for all we know. >>and within moments she began to shudder with her first orgasm ever with Cloud Strife. Cloud >>felt her moving and spasming with her orgasm, and it was enough to get him off. CLOUD: And out of the fanfic. >>Cloud's dick swelled and he shot his load into Tifa's mouth partly, and onto her breasts. Tifa >>gulped dpwn every drop she cloud SEPHIROTH: Sooo. . .in other words, "Cloud famous on Tifa?" TIFA: Makes about as much sense. >>and rubbed the resst into her skin like lotion. She got a wicked glint in her eyes as she >>grabbed Cloud, and flipped him into a 69 position. AERIS: Why doesn't anyone ever get into a 42 position? CLOUD: What is a 42 position? AERIS: Heck if I know. >>Cloud's dick began to get hard again as he laid on his back with >>Tifa's pussy in his moth SEPHIROTH: Them moths always gravitate towards the light. . . >>and ass in his face. TIFA: Pause the fic! *Fic pauses.* TIFA: How can my . . .ahem . . .be in Cloud's mouth and my butt in his face? Anatomical impossibility here, folks! AERIS: Tifa, it's a bad lemon. TIFA: Oh. Okay. Resume. *Fic resumes.* >>He began to lick at her slit and tounge fuck her >>hard, then he slid up and began to lick her clitoris. Tifa cam on impact, when her clit was >>touched. She didn't even have time to get Cloud off, and he was up, eager to fuck her. She >>laughed at Cloud's messy, cum covered face, CLOUD: Tee hee hee! >>and dove into him licking her pussy juices off his >>face. SEPHIROTH: Where'd they get a diving board? TIFA: And we are doing this WHERE? >>Cloud got hard again, at the feeling of Tifa's tounge darting all over his face. She rubbed >>her thigh against his hard-on, and gave him an order. " Fuck me now baby" Tifa moaned in his >>ear. She lay on her back and spread her legs. CLOUD: Why are Spice Girls' coffins shaped like a 'Y'? AERIS: Why? CLOUD: 'Cause whenever they're put on their back, their legs spread! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AERIS: *blushing* CLOUD! >>Cloud told her that he would happily MAKE LOVE TO >>HER. Tifa again felt her heart leap TIFA: And hop and skip. . . >>as she realized that even if all they had done this evening >>was tell each other how they felt he would have been happy. She reached down and slid his dick >>to her cunt. SEPHIROTH: Have we used all the nasty terms for the female anatomy now? CLOUD: *checks a list* Nope. Still got a few to go. >>Cloud softly slid in, applying pressure only when he met resistance. Tifa yelped in >>pain when her hymen broke, and Cloud held her close to him when he heard this. They sat like >>that for a moment, Cloud's dick inside of her cunt. AERIS: So they're just sitting there? TIFA: Probably reading the newspaper, checking the time. . . >>Then Cloud slowly began to slide in and >>out of Tifa's sex. >>Tifa's initial pain turned into pleasure as she felt Cloud slide into her all the way >>up to the hilt. CLOUD: Uh. . ? >>She marveled at how perfect a fit he was inside of her, then a moment later she >>had no time for marveling as she came hard on his dick. Cloud's dick made wet sploshing noises SEPHIROTH: *singing* Splish splash I was takin' a bath. . . >>as he slid in and out of Tifa. Tifa began to tell Cloud how much she loved him, how she always >>loved him. They continued to fuck while telling each other how much their love meant to each >>other. Then Cloud told her he was going to cum. Tifa begged him to bust inside of her and >>cement their love. Cloud felt his ass twitch AERIS: That sounds like a good idea. *falls over twitching* >>then shot his load deep into Tifa's love. >>When Tifa felt layers and layers of hot sticky cum pouring inside of her she came again. As >>her third orgasm racked her body Tifa lay down. CLOUD: You mean we've been standing all this time? Oi! >>Cloud fell to the ground next to her TIFA: *THUD* SEPHIROTH: Puttin' on the pounds, eh, Strife? >>and took her >>into his arms. They lay on the ground happy, fulfilled, and secure. AERIS: And then someone walked by. . . >>They didn't care about >>Shinra, or Sephiroth, SEPHIROTH: *eyes filling with tears* Y-Y-you don't care about me? WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! TIFA: Awww, I'm sorry Sephy, why don't you hold Fluffkins for awhile? FLUFFKINS: Mew? SEPHIROTH: Oh. . .okay. *cuddles Fluffkins* >>or Meteor. They felt this was the pinnacle of life. Cloud for the first >>time felt that after their journey was over he could continue to live in this world, with Tifa. >>They were each others family and they would depend, love, and lean on each other forever..... >>MORE TO COME IN PART II ALL: AHH! >>by Al-I-Bus >>almo1432@aol.com CLOUD: C'mon, let's make like a banana and split! Sephiroth set Fluffkins down and let the little kitten scamper around as the story went back to story format. "I wonder what the author was smoking?" Aeris pondered. "Where can I get some?" Tifa wondered. Cloud ran a hand through his spiky hair. "Cripes, I can't even remember doing that one." "Maybe the author drugged you," Sephiroth suggested, all innocence and light. Tifa smirked. "Maybe he did it of his own free will." FIN. That's my fourth MSTing. For the sake of continuity, it comes after the third MSTing and before the fifth. Please send all C&C to jonnyquest2000@mailcity.com and rememnber, praise and comments will be accepted, flames, death threats and the like will be considered, and rabid vermin will be deleted. "Their First Time" belongs to Al-I-Bus and he's welcome to it. Clod, Aeris, Tifa, Sephiroth, and the Turks belong to Squaresoft and I don't own them, so (unfortunately) I'm not making any money off of this. Thanks to my Review/Spew Crew for giving me such great C&C! I would never finished "Cloud and Aeris" without you two! Oi! This lemon must be bad if three whole peeples have MSTed it! O_o Oh, yeah, one more thing, the door sequence is to the first six songs on Alanis Morissette's album "Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie." Just in case you were confuzzled. . . PREVIOUS EXPERIMENTS: "Cloud and Aeris", by Keops "Black Passion", by Xander3000 "Distant Love", By Aiko FUTURE EXPERIMENTS: "Revelation", by Jesus "Jesse" Zamora "Myst", by Freedom Fighter Keep circulating the fics! >>Cloud's dick began to get hard again as he laid on his back with >>Tifa's pussy in his moth and ass in his face.