MST3K: Joe and Izzy in "Good Morning Sunshine"

By James D. Reinbold (don Jaime del Resfriado)
(jdreinbold@hotmail.com)

Synopsis: Mike and the 'bots sifts a "Digimon" fanfic in which Joe confesses 
his
undying love for Izzy, and then takes poison.  Some people ALWAYS have to 
have
the last word....




(The Satellite of Love. CROW, TOM SERVO, and GYPSY are poring over 
newspapers.
MIKE NELSON enters.)

GYPSY: Come here, Mike, you have to see this!

MIKE: "The Family Circus" is funny for a change?

CROW: That'll never happen. Look, the horoscopes are accurate!

MIKE: No, they're not. Astrology is bunk, and horoscopes are written so 
vaguely
that they could apply to anyone.

TOM: Not these, Mike. Today's horoscopes have accurately predicted a 
specific
event that's happened to us today.

CROW: Listen to this. (Reads.) "Gemini: You will wake up and get out of 
bed."
It's true, it really happened!

TOM: This is mine. (Reads.) "Capricorn: You will engage others in 
conversation."
And I have!

GYPSY: Mine is (Reads.) "Aries: You will read this horoscope." Oh, my, I did
that!

MIKE: Meaningless. Everybody does that. It's like a weather report that 
reads,
"Today, either it will rain or it won't rain."

CROW: That's pretty much every weather report ever written, Mike.

TOM: Let's check yours, Mike. (Reads.) "Virgo: Today you will be forced to 
read
a terrible fan fiction in a mad scientist's experiment." Man, that's spooky.

MIKE: Wait. Is that the "Forrester Times-Dispatch-Herald-Post-Chronicle?"

GYPSY: It's the only newspaper we get.

MIKE: Then I think I can explain this. Sirs, has Frank been writing the
horoscope lately?


(Onscreen: the Mads, DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK, who is holding a piece of
green marbled soap.)

FORRESTER: Is it that blatant, Nelson? I thought I could give him the 
dumbest
part of the paper and it wouldn't be so obvious Frank was responsible. 
(FRANK
takes out his knife and starts to carve slices out of his soap.) Then
again...why are you cutting up the soap, Frank?

FRANK: So I can smell it! (Sniffs the soap.) Mmmmm, just like an Irish 
Spring
day!

FORRESTER: Ireland smells like mold, Frank. Nelson, I'd appreciate it if in 
the
future you remind me not to buy Irish Spring soap. I'm sure you'd appreciate 
me
not sending today's fanfic, but that will never happen. Sit back and prepare
yourself for "Good Morning Sunshine." Send the fic, Frank.

(FRANK spins a wheel.)

MIKE: Hey, Cambot, yours is (Reads.) "Libra: You will take pictures of
wise-cracking robots." Wonder why it doesn't mention me. (Lights flash and
sirens blare.) Oops, FANFIC SIGN!


(Doors open into the theater, where a web browser is already downloading the
fanfic. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.)

>Good Morning Sunshine

MIKE: The Earth says, "Hello!"


>A Digimon yaoi songfic by the Silver Ranger.

CROW: Hiyo, Lone, away!

TOM: That's what Mike says every morning when he walks into the doorframe: 
ya-oi!

MIKE: Well, it hurts.

>Greetings everyone.

TOM: How y'all doin'?

>The Silver Ranger, has had to repost this fanfic since there was a bit of a 
>mistake during FFN's apparent reformating.

MIKE: He's talking about himself in the third person.

TOM: Tom Servo says, "What's wrong with that?"

>I was at first planning on making another Taito,

CROW: They make great video games.

>but I was thinking of branching out my abilities and making a Jyoushiro. 
>Considering I have never written a Jyoushiro, or a Mira, I have declared 
>that a challenge.

MIKE: What do Mira stories have to do with this?

>By the way folks, I would appreciate a bit of help for writing the Mira 
>fics.

TOM: Do it yourself. What am I, your ghostwriter?

>Now for the disclaimer: Digimon belongs to each and one of its respective 
>companies and its creator(s).

MIKE: "Each and one?"

>I do not own Digimon in any way, shape, or form, so please do not sue me 
>for if you do, all you will get are old wrestling and war movies.

TOM: Oh, I LOVE wrestling and war movies! Let's sue him!

>In short, I am the brokest man alive.

CROW: If you don't count that guy who invested in every Nigerian "company" 
that
came his way.

>All this fic is, is a social commentary, and was not used in any way for 
>profit, only entertainment.

MIKE: Good. I could really go for some entertaining social commentary right 
now.

>These characters aint mine I’m just borrowing them for a while, I promise I 
>will return them unharmed.

TOM: Hey, this Palmon didn't have these scuff marks when I lent it to you!

>And do NOT, I repeat, do NOT judge it for its grammar or context for its 
>not exactly keeping up with parts of the shows continuity. And feel free to 
>MST any of my fics if you think they suck that much.

CROW: Hey, he's talking about us! That's us up there!

TOM: Goody!

MIKE: Don't judge this fanfic by its style or content, and if you do, feel 
free
to ridicule it. Wish I could say that clears my conscience.



>Koushiro was lying in bed asleep as the morning sunrise began to peer in 
>through his bedroom window blinds.

TOM: I had no idea the Sun is a Peeping Tom.

CROW (Koushiro): Oh, man, I am so hung over!

>Small rays of sunlight began to shine on his face causing him to stir. He 
>smiled as he awoke from his dream.

MIKE (Koushiro): Yeah, Wozniak, you're fired! Now let's see you beg for 
mercy!

>He was dreaming that he was with someone. A person. Not just any person, 
>but someone he was in love with.

CROW: I get the feeling we'll be here all day waiting for specifics.

>He opened his eyes, and put his arm over on the other side of the bed 
>expecting for his arm to be on the waist of his lover.

TOM: What a waist!

MIKE: Oh, Tom, it's too early in the morning for puns that bad.

>Unfortunately, that side was empty. He sat up on his bed with a jolt and 
>quickly looked around his room.

CROW (Koushiro): Somebody snatched my lover! Call the lover police!

>His belongings and treasures as well as his laptop and computer were 
>sitting undisturbed.

MIKE: He has a laptop AND a computer? Even Bill Gates thinks that's 
overdoing it.

>He quickly looked again and then plopped down back on his bed disappointed.

CROW (Koushiro): I was looking forward to a break-in!

>A single tear escaped one of his brown eyes. It was followed by another, 
>and another.

TOM: Then it's not a single tear.

>The water works then burst open as Koushiro put his face on his pillow and 
>softly cried to himself.

MIKE: Run for your life, the dam is broken!


>"Why is this so hard for me? Why aren’t you here with me? Do you even love 
>me at all?" He asked himself.

CROW (Koushiro): Let's see. I'm here with myself and I do love me. Glad I
straightened myself out.

>In his thoughts were his old friend from his times in the Digiworld a while 
>ago. He was in love with him for quite sometime.

MIKE: Since last Thursday.

>He had let his emotions for him out at the times of peril, or rather the 
>times when almost all was lost.

TOM: That qualifies as perilous to me.

>He thought about the love of his life yet again. The person wore glasses, 
>khaki shorts, plain old sneakers, a sweater with shirt underneath, and his 
>hair was a slight bluish color.

MIKE: Sounds like he's dating my grandma.

>The person that Koushiro Izumi loved so much, was Jyou Kido.

CROW: What?! Smegging WHAT?! Jyou Kido?!

TOM: Guess he just couldn't get enough complaining.

MIKE: Yeah, and I understand some people find allergies attractive.






>"When the sun is up,
>On a clear blue sky.

MIKE: The humidity will fall.

CROW: The wind will come out of the northwest at ten miles per hour.

>You will act like a lover.

TOM: And leave hair in the drain.

>When the sky is grey,
>And the rain comes down.

MIKE: The greater metropoltian area will be under a tornado watch until 
10:00 tonight.

>You will run for cover.

CROW: 'Cause you forgot your umbrella AGAIN!

>Feel the heat come out of cold,

TOM: And go forward to the past and backward to the future.

>And the ground is touching me.

MIKE (The ground): Does this bug you? Does this bug you?

>Good morning sunshine,
>You’re my only light.

CROW: I forgot to pay the electric bill again.

>Lie here with me by my side.
>You keep me warm all day,

MIKE: And raise really big blisters!

>Just stay with me.
>Good morning sunshine,

TOM (Paul McCartney): I need to laugh, and when the Sun is out, I've got
something I can laugh about!

>be with me all day,
>Just don’t let the rain pass you by.

CROW: This is a no passing zone.

>When it’s cloudy and windy, and the snowflakes arrive,

MIKE: They will overstay their welcome and you will dream of melting them 
with a
hair dryer!

>you somehow just make me, make me feel I’m alive."

TOM: 'Cause I am.






>Jyou had just left from school that afternoon. He was not himself the 
>entire day.

TOM: He was Benicio del Toro. All next week he's going to be Warren Harding.

>He was going through a rather confused time in his life even though he was 
>18 years old.

MIKE: Boy, I remember how clear-headed I was at eighteen. I think.

>This being his second year of high school was not helping any either.

CROW: He's eighteen and only a sophomore?! What, is he majoring in 
confusion?

>His parents as well as his older brother Shin were starting to notice that 
>his grades were falling.

TOM: It only took them two years.

CROW: His younger brothers Thigh and Kneecap hadn't caught on yet.

>He was even starting to become depressed, practically locking himself in 
>his room most of the time.

MIKE: He locks the door, but he doesn't close it.

>They wanted to help him but all Jyou did was shun and push them away.

MIKE: Shades of Matt in "Instrument of Love."

TOM: Kersplat! Right in the mud!

>Little did his family know that he was in love with someone and he was 
>ashamed to admit his feelings toward that person. He had made the 
>realization that he was gay, but could he admit it to his family and 
>friends?

CROW: Unless his lips were sewn shut and his fingers were broken so he 
couldn't
write, then, yes, he could. Doesn't mean he will....

>He was afraid that if he did, not only would his friends hate him, his 
>parents might disown him.

TOM: And with his prospects, he was very dependent on a large inheritance to
survive.

>Maybe he was just being too paranoid. But he had damn good reason to be.

MIKE: People really were hiding in the walls, tracking his every move.

>He was not sure how the rest of his friends, let alone his parents would 
>react. He remembered soft brown hair and eyes, and him always typing away 
>at that laptop of his.

CROW (Parents): You're in love with the computer freak?! Please, son, tell 
us
you prefer Goggle Boy or Mood Swing Matt!

>He had enough and decided to turn on his computer and go online.

TOM (Computer): You've got angst!

>On his keyboard and typed away like crazy.

MIKE: Oh, I just love this sentence fragment. It's my favorite sentence 
fragment
of all time.

>He started an e-mail message and once he was through, he signed off and 
>shut off his computer,

CROW: Without sending the e-mail.

>and slammed his head on the keyboard, while sobbing.

TOM: There has got to be an easier way to learn to touch-type.

>"Koushiro-chan, please don't hate me for this."

MIKE (Jyou): I sent you the Alex Chiu spam again.

>He had sent an e-mail message to Koushiro admitting his feelings toward 
>him. His face was so wet with tears, he had had enough.

MIKE: Jyou got a towel to dry himself.

>He walked over to his bathroom and began looking for something in his 
>medicine cabinet.

TOM (Jyou): The Blistex has to be in here somewhere.

>He opened up what appeared to be a bottle of X-14.

CROW (Jyou): Who keeps peeling off the labels? Yesterday I mistook peroxide 
for
Listerine and stained my teeth yellow!

>Staring at the bottle for a few seconds, he began to bring the opening 
>slowly to his lips. A bang was then heard at the door.

MIKE (Cher): Bang, bang, I shot you down!


>"Jyou-san, it’s me your brother. Mom has dinner ready on the table, she 
>wants you to come out."

TOM (Jyou): I'M NOT GAY! Oh, you mean for dinner.


>"Sure Shin, I will be out in a second."

CROW (Jyou): As soon as Koushiro reads his mail.


>"Jyou, is everything ok?"

MIKE (Jyou): Yep, I'm homosexual, I mean, hunky-dory!


>"Everything’s fine, go away!" Jyou yelled.

TOM (Jyou): I don't have conversations with you when you're on the toilet!

>He made up his mind and drank some of the contents of the bottle. He 
>dropped the bottle due to the bad taste.

CROW (Jyou): Ahhh! Licorice-flavor cleaning solvent!

>Shin heard the commotion and went into the room.

MIKE (Jyou): Jeez, Shin, don't you ever knock?!

>He saw Jyou kneeling forward on the toilet, his glasses were on the floor 
>and the cleanser was spilled all over the floor.

TOM (Shin): Good thing it's just the Lysol you knocked over. That'll clean
itself up.


>"What the hell are you doing Jyou?"

MIKE (Shin): I thought I was kidding when I said you couldn't sit the right 
way
'round on a toilet seat!

>Jyou was completely speechless, he then started throwing up.

CROW: He's one hell of a bad orator.

>Shin then realized what his brother had just tried to do. "Mother, call an 
>ambulance, Jyou is in serious danger!"

MIKE (Mother): I thought he was in the bathroom!


>A few moments later, he started having seizures as he was being loaded onto 
>the ambulance.

TOM: Most people would ride inside the ambulance, but Jyou insists on the 
roof.

>The EMT’s had quickly giving him first aid treatments and injected an IV 
>into his arm as he began to vomit again.

MIKE: They injected a whole IV at once? Normally they let it drip.

CROW (Jyou): Well, I was feeling better after I yammied the Scrubbing 
Bubbles,
but now my arm's all swollen.

>Sora unfortunately was nearby and saw Jyou being put into the ambulance and 
>was taken to the nearest hospital.

TOM (Gladys Kravitz): Hey, Abner! They just put the Kido boy in an 
ambulance!

CROW: And why exactly is it unfortunate that Sora saw this?

MIKE: This sentence leaves me with the impression Sora was taken to the
hospital, and I know that can't be right.

>She had to tell the others.

CROW: She's the Japanese Rona Barrett.

>She ran back to her mother’s flower shop and grabbed the phone and called 
>her friend Taichi immediately.

MIKE (Mother): No personal calls!


>"Moshi moshi?" Said a girl’s voice.

CROW (Jack Soo): See, you dunk 'em, and they get all mooshy! Mooshy, mooshy,
mooshy!


>"Hikari-chan, is that you?"

TOM (Sora): Or am I talking to a Sanryo character?


>"Hai, it’s me.

MIKE (Hikari): Sorry. Lapsed into Japanese for a second there.

>Is everything ok Sora? You sound like you witnessed the end of the world."

CROW (Sora): It's the end of the world as we know it, and you wouldn't 
believe
what everyone was wearing!


>"I think I might have. I need you to get Taichi now, stay on the line with 
>me though ok?"

MIKE (Sora): I'm sure you'll be interested in Tupperware, too.


>"Sure, lemme just get Tai."

TOM (Hikari): I'm sorry, I mean, Taichi! Yeah, I'll get Taichi. I don't know 
who
Tai is.


>Tai picked up on the phone in his room. "Sora, what’s going on?" Asked Tai.

CROW (Taichi): I told you never to call me here!


>"Taichi, something is terribly wrong with Jyou. I saw him shaking and 
>convulsing.

MIKE (Sora): I think he joined the Shakers.

>He was loaded into an ambulance earlier today."

CROW (Sora): Well, five minutes ago really, but it was today!


>"Oh no." Said Kari.

TOM (Hikari): Someone left the cake out in the rain!


>"What the hell?! What happened to Jyou?!" Asked Tai.

MIKE (Sora): He had a convulsion and was taken to the hospital. Weren't you
listening?


>"I don’t know yet.

CROW: (Laughs.) Man, even Sora wasn't paying attention!

>I was going to go back to his house to see if his parents or his brother 
>could tell me anything.

MIKE (Sora): But they can't add two and two, so that was a bum idea.

>Try to round up the others and meet at my mother’s flower shop."

TOM (Sora): We've got a shipment of Beanie Babies in and need help unloading 
it.

CROW (Taichi): Yep, gonna have us a Digidestined rodeo!


>"Gotcha Sora, I’ll take Kari with me to Mimi’s house first since that’s the 
>closest to my house."

MIKE (Sora): Couldn't you just phone the others? It'd be a lot faster.


>"Fine, I will see you later."

TOM (Sora): A week later, after you bumble all over town collecting the 
others.


>Sora ran over to Jyou’s house and bumped into his older brother Shin.

CROW (Shin): Hey! Watch where you're going!

>"Oh gods, I’m so sorry. What happened to Jyou? Where is he?"

TOM (Shin): Jyou? The ambulance took him to the grocery store.


>"Come with me to my car, I shall tell you on the way to the hospital."

MIKE (Sora): Uh, I don't take rides from strangers.

>He opened the passenger side for Sora and she went in.

CROW: She went into the car.

>He started the engine and drove off in a bit of a hurry for the hospital.

TOM: Kind of a hurry, not a real big one, you know. This was like a baby 
hurry.

>He then continued his conversation with Sora.


>"Jyou just tried to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of cleanser. My 
>parents are already at the hospital.

TOM: That was quick. Did they beam in?

>They told me to come later after I had cleaned up the house a bit.

CROW: So, Jyou could be plant food and his folks are worried about whether 
the
house is tidy. I'd be suicidal, too.

>I had fixed Jyou’s room and I was on my way when I bumped into you.

MIKE (Shin): Couldn't do a thing with the john. Somebody used all the 
X-14....

>I’m sure you have already told your other friends about Jyou, but how did 
>you find out?"

MIKE (Sora): I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sources.


>"I saw him being loaded into the ambulance earlier. But why would he try to 
>commit suicide?"

TOM (Sora): I mean, besides the fact everyone treats him like dirt?


>"We don’t know yet. Use my carphone to call your friends.

CROW (Shin): I'm sure you've already told your friends, but call them again
anyway.

>Here is the address of the hospital were Jyou is now."

MIKE (Sora): 1313 Quack Avenue? Maybe you want to transfer him to a 
different
hospital.


>"Domo-arigatou." Said Sora.

TOM and CROW (Styx): Mister Robotto!

MIKE (Styx): Thank you very much-o, Mister Robotto!

>She dialed the number to her mother’s flower shop and briefly spoke to her 
>about what happened.

TOM (Mother): Oh, that's why all your friends are here. I was just 
explaining to
them what, "I break, I cry, you break, you buy," means.

>She told her to tell Tai and the others to come to the hospital.

MIKE (Mother): Sure. Hey, y'all, after you pay for those vases, go to
Cedars-Shikoku, okay?

>When Sora and Shin arrived in the lobby of the emergency room, the other 
>digidestined were there as well.

CROW: Man, Shin took the scenic route! Godot could get there ahead of Shin!

>Koushiro ran to Shin and Sora hoping to learn what happened.

TOM: But he beat them there! Why didn't he ask the nurse?

>When he learned that Jyou tried to kill himself, he began to cry. Tai and 
>Mimi began to console him. The others gathered around him.

MIKE: They didn't try to console him.


>"Dude, why are you crying?" Asked Yamato.

CROW (Yamato): Sure, he might croak, but it's no skin off our asses.

MIKE: Ah, yes, the patented Yamato bedside manner.


>"I had no idea that Jyou was suicidal.

TOM (Koushiro): I thought he was joking when he told me his hobby was ritual
seppuku!

>I love him so much, I don’t want to lose him." Koushiro said between sobs.

CROW (Koushiro): If I do, I won't get the deposit back!


>"We all love him too. He means a lot to us." Said Mimi.

MIKE (Mimi): Attempted suicide is no reason to get emotional, Koushiro!


>"No you don’t understand. I need to tell you all something right now." As 
>Koushiro was about to reveal himself,

CROW: Whoa! Keep your pants on, kid.

>Shin came into the lobby with the doctor. "This is the doctor that has been 
>treating Jyou.

MIKE (Doctor): Uh, I was doing CPR on Jyou. Can I go back and finish now?

>Doctor Souichi Tomoe is going to update us on my brothers condition." Said 
>Shin.

TOM: We take you now live to Dr. Tomoe.


>"Jyou’s condition is now stable and his vital signs are normal.

CROW (Dr. Tomoe): That's what his HMO says, but if I were you, I'd start
deciding where to put the ashes now.

>We were going to pump his stomach, but he saved us the trouble of doing 
>that by vomiting the contents of the cleanser.

TOM (Dr. Tomoe): Why can't my other patients be this considerate?

>We have already performed the necessary treatments

MIKE: They patted him on the back while he threw up.

>and he is now sleeping.

TOM: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

CROW: Whoa! Easy, Tom, you scared the hell out of me!

TOM: Sorry.

>It’s about nine in the evening so

CROW (Dr. Tomoe): I'm calling this suicide on account of darkness.

>he should wake up in the morning.

MIKE (Dr. Tomoe): I guess. This whole diagnosis thing is new to me.

>Visiting hours are now closed, I am afraid you will have to leave until the 
>morning. I would also like for Jyou to remain here at least another day so 
>that there are no long term effects from the cleanser."

CROW (Dr. Tomoe): I'd also like world peace. And a pony. Anybody got a pony 
for
me?


>"We understand doctor, and thank you." Said Shin.

TOM (Shin): We are fluent in doctor.


>"I know visiting hours are over, but I would like to remain with Jyou.

MIKE (Dr. Tomoe): What part of "closed" do you not understand?

>I will do everything I can to help but I will not get in the way of any of 
>the doctors or nurses.

CROW (Dr. Tomoe): Unless you have an advanced degree in pharmacology, that's 
the
only way you can help, kid.

>The last thing I want to do is worsen his condition by not being there for 
>him." Said Koushiro. The others looked at him bewildered

MIKE (Taichi): You said you were going to treat us to tea-flavored ice 
cream,
Koushiro!

>as the doctor looked very thoughtful. He then gave in.

CROW (Dr. Tomoe): I am soooo spineless.


>"Very well. You may remain here.

TOM (Dr. Tomoe): Anybody else want to ignore me?

>If an emergency occurs we need you to keep out of the way. We would also 
>like for you to keep the noise level down.

MIKE (Dr. Tomoe): So would you mind turning your Rage Against the Machine 
tape down?

>I’m sure Jyou would like his rest."

CROW: His eternal rest.


>"Thank you Doctor Tomoe." Said Koushiro with tears in his eyes.

TOM: And snot running out his nose and into his mouth.

MIKE: Ick.

>Fifteen minutes later he entered the room where Jyou was asleep in the 
>hospital bed.

CROW: It took him fifteen minutes to walk through a door.

TOM: Yeah, Tokyo seems to be stuck in a time warp today.

>He walked over to him and put his hand on his face and gently stroked his 
>cheek.

MIKE (Koushiro): You need a shave.

>His clothes were over on a cart.

CROW (Flight attendant): Coffee, tea, Jyou's clothes? Coffee, tea, Jyou's 
clothes?

>"Jyou, why would you want to kill yourself?

TOM (Koushiro): It's the blue hair, isn't it?

>I love you too much to loose you. But I don’t know if you can return these 
>feelings,

MIKE (Koushiro): I never gave you the receipt.

>I don’t even know if you would want to see my face again if you told me 
>what happened. Koushiro sat down on a chair next to him and turned on his 
>laptop and checked his e-mail with his wireless internet access.

TOM (Koushiro): Don't mind me. I'm just checking how my chess by mail is 
coming along.

>There was a message for him sent by Jyou before his suicide attempt. He 
>read through the message.

CROW: "Little Tanaka Hideo needs an appendix transplant. If you send this 
letter
to your 10 closest friends...."


>Dearest Koushiro,


>I hope this message reaches you in time.

CROW (Jyou): You're always changing your ISP.

>There is something I very much need to tell you.

TOM (Jyou): Your breath reeks.

>Since we landed in the Digiworld I had started to have rather unusual 
>feelings toward you.

MIKE (Jyou): I can actually stand your presence.

>After we left the Digiworld these feelings started to become greater. I 
>realized, that I am in love with you. But how could you love me back.

TOM (Jyou): Or me front.

>It’s so hard to be gay in a world like this.

CROW (Jyou): I'm hard thinking about it right now.

MIKE: Crow....

>I was so afraid to tell my folks about my homosexuality that I thought they 
>would hate me or something.

MIKE (Jyou): They might hate me, they might accept it, they might do bird 
calls
and run around flapping their arms. My folks are pretty unpredictable.

>So to keep these feelings from eating at me, I have decided to take my own 
>life.

MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Take my life - please!

>I’m sure you would hate me for being gay as well.

TOM (Jyou): I know how you have your heart set on being the token gay
Digidestined.

>And not to mention telling you that you are the one I love. I just hope 
>that the gods have something else planned for me.

CROW (The gods): No, sorry, we prefer you gay.


>Love forever,

TOM (Jyou): Or at least until the X-14 kicks in.


>Jyou Kido.

MIKE: Hopeless Spaz.


>Koushiro sat in shock as he read the message. Tears fell on the keyboard as 
>he looked up at him.

CROW: Current ran from his laptop through his tears into his body, frying
Koushiro like an egg.

TOM: No wonder he was shocked. You have to be careful with electricity and
water.

MIKE: Good thing he's in a hospital.

>He turned off his laptop and he cried himself to sleep. At last, he could 
>be able to tell Jyou that he was in love with him too.

TOM: Let's hope Jyou has a better follow-through than a Tilex daiquiri.
Romantically, he lacks something.






>"Every dream I feel,

MIKE: Sues me for sexual harassment....

>That you’re like the stars,

CROW: Distant. Unreachable.

>Fading away in the horizon.
>There’s a ,million streets,

TOM: And a poor little lost comma.

>Leading off the night,
>Waiting for the sun to rise up.

MIKE: The Sun has been oppressed for too long.

>Feel the heat come out of cold,
>And the ground is touching me.

TOM: The ground has its hand on my ass.

>Good morning sunshine,

CROW: But it's three in the afternoon!

>You’re my only light,
>Lie here with my by my side.

MIKE: "My by my side?" Since when does N'Sync write their own material?

>You keep me warm all day,

TOM: But at night, I freeze when you put your icy feet on me.

>Just stay with me.
>Good morning sunshine,
>be with me all day,

CROW: It's hard for sunshine to come out at night.

>Just don't let the rain pass you by,

MIKE: Insist it take the brochure.

>When it's cloudy and windy,and the snowflakes arrive,
>You somehow just make me, make me feel I'm alive.
>Make me feel I'm alive..."

TOM: So, who feels alive right now?

MIKE: I don't. I feel very dead.

CROW: Well, I feel like I may be hibernating. Once this is over, I can start
moving again.







>The sun began to glow through the window causing Jyou to stir. He opened 
>his eyes to see Koushiro sleeping like a sweet little baby next to him.

CROW: Oh, God, he wet the bed!

MIKE: Ewwww, gross!

TOM (Jyou): Damn it, Koushiro, just because the bed is rubberized, you don't
have to test it!

>Koushiro woke up as well as the light began to get brighter.

MIKE (Koushiro): I'm sorry. I was in such a hurry that I forgot my Pull-Ups.


>"Good morning sunshine." Said Koushiro.

TOM (Koushiro): Good morning, hospital. Good morning, laptop. Good morning,
Jyou's clothes on a cart.


>"Huh? Koushiro, what are you doing here?"

CROW (Jyou): This is my hospital room. Get your own!


>"The doctor let me stay here.

MIKE (Koushiro): He said he wanted me to stay for observation, too.

>Sora and Shin told me what happened.

TOM (Koushiro): Your parents were no help at all.

>And now I think I know why you tried to kill yourself.

CROW (Koushiro): Of course, I cheated and looked at the letter you sent me.

>You are afraid what me, the others and even your family would think if you 
>knew that you were in love with me."

MIKE: "If you knew?" Wasn't Jyou aware who he was in love with?


>"Hai, it’s true. And now I wish I drank that whole bottle now."

CROW (Jyou): Now I REALLY need to throw up.


>"Why Jyou?

TOM: Why not Jyou?

>I love you too. I love you too much to loose you.

MIKE: I see too much of this. Someday I will right a ten thousand page 
manual on
the difference between "loose" and "lose."

>If you died I would kill myself to be with you after death.

CROW: Greetings from Codependency, Ohio.

>You have to tell the others about you. I know I’m going to tell them about 
>me.

TOM: Guys, it ain't necessary. The two of you are gayer than the 1890's. 
There
are undiscovered tribes in the Amazon that know your sexual preference.

>If they don’t like you for who you are, tell them that’s too bad. I’m sure 
>your own family will understand and support you every step of the way no 
>matter what."

MIKE (Koushiro): They took the whole "I disappeared into the computer and 
now I
own a walrus" deal in stride, so I'm sure nothing else can shock them.


>"I suppose I should do that.

CROW (Jyou): Of course, you've tipped my hand hangin' around here all night.

>As soon as my folks come in here I want them to know about us. Speaking of 
>us, there is a small square box in the pocket of my shorts.

MIKE: Even as he struggled to survive a botched suicide attempt, Jyou 
remembered
to grab the condoms on his way to the hospital.

TOM: Jyou is nothing if not prepared.

>I bought the contents of that box a while ago, and I have a feeling that it 
>was going to come in handy."

CROW: You put the condom on, and then next time you try to pee in my bed,
hopefully it'll collect in that and I won't get soaked.

>He got the small black box and put it in the palm of Jyou’s hand.

MIKE: Jyou has his own flight recorder?

>Jyou then got off the bed and knelt down on one knee in front of him.

TOM: He's going to sell him some shoes.


>"Koushiro, we have been there for each other in the Digiworld, and now back 
>home it feels so different.

CROW (Jyou): You NEVER come over, you NEVER call....

>But now hearing what you said has told me to now put what I have always 
>wanted to do into action. You are indeed right about other people think."

MIKE (Jyou): Other people DO think. Boy, am I surprised!


>"Thanks Jyou. After all, I love you and you love me."

TOM and CROW (Barney the dinosaur): We're a hap-py fam-i-ly....

MIKE: ARRRRRGH!


>"Now that I know that you love me as well, I would like to ask you this.

MIKE (Jyou): Which of my allergies attracted you first?

>Koushiro-chan, we are both old enough to take such a step as this.

CROW (Koushiro): I'm sixteen. I haven't reached majority yet.

>So...will you marry me?" Koushiro stood with his mouth slack-jawed and his 
>eyes wide open in shock. He was trying to keep from tears coming out of his 
>eyes.

TOM: Koushiro was trying to attempt to stop the tears from coming out as 
crying
was the action he was going to prevent.

>Jyou opened the box revealing a diamond ring.

MIKE (Jyou): I found this in my Cracker Jacks the other day....






>"Hold it right there lemme take a minute of your time,

MIKE: Would you be interested in a set of encyclopedias?

>To explain how I feel, through these rhymes.
>I do the best I can, and believe me if I could,
>That I’ll build you a paradise, with these, two hands.

CROW: "Hands" and "could" don't rhyme!

>The touch of your skin make my body go numb,

TOM: You're cold. Put on a sweater.

>I’m thinking to myself can my dream come true,

MIKE: Or am I doomed to work at Burger King forever?

>Or is it ‘cause you never give me a chance to tell you how I feel,

CROW: I can never get a word in edgewise.

>The moments we had were too precious to kill."

TOM: Precious and few are the moments we had to kill....






>"Oh Jyou! I thought you’d never ask me! YES I WILL!" Koushiro jumped into 
>his arms and they were close together in a tight embrace.

TOM (Jyou): Ow. Uh, honey, I'm weak from poisoning...please, don't squeeze!

>Suddenly his brother and the rest of the digidestined came through the 
>door.

MIKE: But not his parents. They had other stuff to attend to.

CROW: Let's see. Parents didn't come to pick Jyou up, they were more 
concerned
with Shin tidying up than being with his brother in case he died....

TOM: Shin's still living at home and barges into the bathroom on people....

CROW: Jyou's flunked two grades, attempted suicide, and just proposed to a
sixteen-year-old....

TOM: I think the Kidos qualify to be Japan's officially designated white 
trash
family.

CROW: You said it.


>"Jyou, Koushiro, what’s going on? What’s with the screaming?" Asked Takeru.

MIKE (Takeru): I said my line. Can I go now?


>"There is something we need to tell all of you.

MIKE (Jyou): Don't eat the meat in the cafeteria here. It's greener than the 
Jell-O.

>But first of all, Shin, where are my parents?" Asked Jyou. "They are on 
>their way here now. What’s this all about?"

TOM (Michael Caine): What's it all about?

CROW: Jyou's in the habit of answering his own questions.


>"You see, Koushiro and I are gay,

MIKE: Yeah, they knew that.

>and we are in love with each other.

CROW: They knew that, too.

>In fact, I just proposed to him a moment ago.

TOM: Mmm-hmmm. They were listening at the door.

>We are engaged to be married."

MIKE (Jyou): And someday, when the government pulls its head of its butt, we 
can
make it legal.


>"Whoa there cowboy, that’s a pretty damn big step," Said Taichi.

CROW: Taichi suddenly thinks he's John Wayne.

>"But if you think that we are going to hate the two of you because you are 
>both gay, fat chance."

MIKE (Taichi): We're going to hate you for not trusting us.


>"Besides," began Kari. "There is nothing wrong with loving someone no 
>matter what the gender.

MIKE: "What the gender?" Just say, "of the same gender."

>If we hated you for this then we are not being your friends.

TOM: Well, nuh duh! Hate kinda negates friendship.

>We will stand by you no matter what."

CROW (Hikari): And that concludes today's sermon. If you'll open your 
hymnals to
page 327....


>"Jyou, as your brother I would never ever do something as vile as hate you 
>for this.

TOM (Shin): I will give you a purple nurple when we get home, though.

>Our parents would be very happy for you.

CROW: If they were here.

MIKE (Shin): You'll finally have a friend who isn't invisible.

>If everyone else is not down with my brother being gay and having a 
>husband, they can go suck it." Said Shin.

CROW: Why is Shin talking like Shaft?


>"Thanks Shin. Now I have no reason to kill myself anymore."

TOM (Jyou): I mean, just because I'm failing in school and I haven't seen 
Mom
and Dad in the whole fic and now I'm engaged to a minor and...say, is that 
409?


>"You better not, you’re supposed to marry me remember?" Said Koushiro.

MIKE (Koushiro): Do I need to tie a string around your finger?


>"Well what are you two waiting for?" Said Sora.

TOM (Jyou): Uh, the minister isn't here yet....

>"Seal the deal with a kiss."

CROW: Well, aren't we feeling voyeuristic today?


>Jyou and Koushiro came together in a french kiss as the others in the room 
>made hollering noises and everyone started laughing.

MIKE (Patient): Could you in the next bed keep it down? I'm trying to die in
peace here!

>Both boys were happy that they had the rest of their lives to live out with 
>one another. They came together again and began to make out in front of 
>them.

TOM (Koushiro): Mmmm! You taste like the new mountain-fresh X-14!

CROW (Jyou): That'll be our bathroom cleanser, dear!

>The others sweatdropped

MIKE, TOM, and CROW: ACTION SWEAT!

>and yelled at the both of them.


>"GET A ROOM!"

TOM (Jyou): This IS my room. Split!






>"When it’s cloudy and windy,
>Please turn your face to me.

CROW: This again.

MIKE: Tape's stuck in the machine. This is fourth time we've heard this.

>Good morning sunshine,
>You’re my only light,

TOM: I'm really looking forward to the instrumental remix, just so I don't 
have
to hear these dopey lyrics anymore.

>Lie here with my by my side.
>You keep me warm all day,
>Just stay with me.

CROW (Oliver): And my love as we si-i-ing, our early morning singin' song!

>Good morning sunshine,

MIKE (Oliver): Gliddy glop glooby, gliddy globby glooby, la la lo lo!

>be with me all day,

TOM (Oliver): Laugh a song, laughin' along, singin' a song!

>Just don't let the rain pass you by,

CROW (Oliver): Sing a song, song a sing....

>When it's cloudy and windy, and the snowflakes arrive,

MIKE, TOM, and CROW (Oliver): SONG SONG SONG SI-I-ING SING SING SING SONG!

>You somehow just make me, make me feel I'm alive."

MIKE, TOM, and CROW (Oliver): SONG SONG SONG SI-I-ING SING SING SING SONG!

MIKE: I love the musical "Hair!"





>The End




>Well that’s the end of my songfic. Sorry if I made this a bit of a dark fic 
>since I made Jyou try to commit suicide.

TOM (Oliver): Si-i-ing...

CROW (Darth Vader): Come to the Dark Side, Luke! (Metallic wheeze.)

>I wanted to have this fic have a bit of symbolic meaning.

TOM (Oliver): ...sing a song, sing along...

MIKE: But, I decided to go with spelling out "GAY IS OKAY" in intricate damn
detail for the chowderheads who just don't get it.

>Anyway, I hope you other yaoi/yuri fanfic writers read this and please send 
>your comments on this fic to me.

TOM (Oliver): You can, sing, sing a song...

>Anyway, I do not own digimon in anyway, and I would like to thank the music 
>group Aqua for making this song.

TOM (Oliver): ...sing a song!

CROW: Didn't they do "Barbie Girl?"

MIKE: Please, don't sing that!

>It was very motivational for this story and the lyrics fit the dialogue.

MIKE: No, it didn't, it distracted from the story!

CROW: Rule No. 1 of Fanfic: Stick with the horny teenagers! That's Rules No. 
2
through 47 as well.

TOM (Oliver): SING!

MIKE: Are you done?

TOM: Yes.

MIKE: Then let's go.


(MIKE, TOM, and CROW exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living
quarters. CROW is cooking spaghetti sauce. TOM SERVO fiddles with a bottle 
of wine.)

TOM: Mmm-mmmm! Smellin' good! I love Italian night.

CROW: Yep! Just got to get the garlic bread in the oven and we're ready to 
eat.
Coming, Gypsy?

GYPSY (Offstage): Just a minute, I have to check the mail!

CROW: I'll keep it warm for you!

(MIKE enters.)

MIKE: Boy, that spaghetti smells delicious!

CROW: Thanks! It's my secret recipe.

MIKE: Mind if I have a taste?

CROW: Sorry, Mike, but you can't have any.

MIKE: C'mon, it's just a nibble. (Picks up spoon.)

CROW: Mike, listen to me. (MIKE dips the spoon in the sauce.) MIKE, DON'T! 
HELP
ME, SERVO! (CROW and TOM struggle vainly to get the spoon away from MIKE.)

MIKE: Possessive today, aren't we?

CROW and TOM: GYPSY! HEEEELLLLP!

(GYPSY's tube body coils in, then her head swings in violently at MIKE,
headbutting him and knocking him to the floor.)

CROW: Grab some paper towels! Blot it all up! Sniff his fingers! Leave no
traces! (TOM and CROW disappear behind the counter with a roll of paper 
towels.
GYPSY gently takes MIKE's shoulder in her mouth and pulls him upright.)

GYPSY: Are you okay, Mike?

MIKE: I guess. Ouch. (Holds his head.) What's wrong with you guys?

(TOM and CROW return with the used paper towels.)

CROW: I'm sorry, Mike, but my spaghetti sauce is deadly poisonous to humans.

MIKE: It is?

CROW: Uh-huh. The secret ingredient is X-14. You don't want to end up 
splayed
out on the tile with an pine-fresh line of drool trickling from your lips 
like
Jyou did, do you?

MIKE: That's enough Jyou-bashing. He's got his life together. He just got
married to Koushiro and they're on their honeymoon now.

GYPSY: We got a letter from them.

MIKE: Oh, let me read it. There's some pictures here, too. Cambot, can you 
get
these on still-store? (Our view tilts up and down as CAMBOT nods yes. MIKE
reads.) "Dear Gypsy, Cambot, Tom, Crow, and Mike, we're having the time of 
our
lives! Married life is treating us well so far, ha ha. We've broken out of 
our
mold and are having a great sporting holiday here in Tokyo. Now we're two 
buff
boys, ha ha. See you real soon, Jyou and Koushiro." Well, that's nice.

TOM: A sports vacation - in Tokyo?!

MIKE: Sure! Show 'em the pics, Cambot!


(Onscreen: Jyou and Koushiro teeing off.)

CROW: See, this is one of those multi-story driving ranges. It's this huge 
net
facing lots of little cubicles stacked one on top of the other. You get a 
bucket
of balls, go to your floor, then knock all the balls into the net.

TOM: Why not build a regular driving range?

MIKE: Not enough land available. Here's the next one.


(Onscreen: Jyou and Koushiro skiing.)

TOM: That snow looks plastic.

MIKE: It is. They're still inside. It's a slope between floors of a 
skyscraper
with slippery plastic sheeting for snow. Here's one more....


(Onscreen: Jyou and Koushiro surfing.)

TOM: Now that's got to be outside.

CROW: I'm with Tom on this one.

MIKE: Wrong again. It's a huge indoor pool with a built-in wave machine. 
They
hauled in sand to make the beach and everything.

TOM: This makes my head hurt.

MIKE: You think your head hurts...! Owwww...you could have just told me your
sauce is poisonous, instead of having Gypsy conk me.

GYPSY: Sorry, Mike.

CROW: Me, too. I panicked. You were moving too fast. At least there's no
permanent damage.

TOM: Yeah, some good came out of this, too. Now I know Crow's secret recipe 
for
spaghetti sauce!

CROW: MIKE! Erase Tom's memory! I don't want him stealing my secret 
ingredients!

TOM: Well, if it makes you feel any better, my top secret BBQ sauce is equal
parts catsup, ammonia, and Preparation H with onions, garlic, red pepper, 
and
mothballs thrown in for seasoning.

MIKE: Just a minute, guys, the Mads are calling.


(Onscreen: FRANK and FORRESTER. FRANK is trying to whittle a piece of marble
with his knife.)

FRANK: This is dulling my knife!

FORRESTER: No more than your head. That's a rock, gormless, I hid the soap 
so
you'd stop chopping it up. Hello again, Nelson. How was the story?

MIKE: Not too bad, if you ignored the song. Just to say thank you for a 
halfway
decent script, how about some of Crow's spaghetti?

FORRESTER: Sounds delicious. Send it down. Press the button, Frank.


(FRANK pushes the button and the screen goes dark. Credits roll over:)

FORRESTER (VO): This tastes like pine trees. Ulp.... (Throws up.)

FRANK (VO): Tell me where you hid the soap, sir, so I clean this up.


>If everyone else is not down with my brother being gay and having a 
>husband, they can go suck it."


(Special thanks to Frank Molina for his permission to use his work in this
project. MST3K property of Best Brains Inc, Digimon property of Bandai Toys 
and
Toei Animation, used without permission.)