MST3K Digimon Lemonade! by don Jaime del Resfriado (James Reinbold) (jdreinbold@hotmail.com) Synopsis: When the Mads give Mike and the 'bots lemons -- terrible, terrible Digimon porn -- they make lemonade. Chapter 1: "CODY EXPRESSES HIS LOVE FOR IZZ!" by SPAZOID BARNEY Chapter 2: "Veemon Gets Lucky" by Shadow Guyver 007 Chapter 3: "Lonely Brothers" by Eric Strife Chapter 4: "I Need A Woman!" by animefreak72 Chapter 5: "The Impossible Accident" by Taito's Child Chapter 6: "Camping Out" by Sailor Goo-Chan, Yaoi Senshi Chapter 7: "The Princess and the Computer Genius" by Kojiro Arigatou Chapter 8: "Getting a Charge Out of Elecmon" by Togashi Tsuke Chapter 9: "ON PURPOSE" by Christine Chapter 10: "Nature" by Lilac This chapter: Our saga begins with "Cody Expresses His Love For Izz!", an encounter between a 9-year-old and a 14-year-old, written by a 16-year-old with the mind of a 2-year-old. In the not-too-distant future, way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank were hatching an Evil Scheme. They hired a temp by the name of Mike, Just a regular joe they didn't like. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they conked him on the noggin and they shot him into space! MIKE NELSON: Get! Me! Do-o-o-o-o-own! TV'S FRANK: We'll send him cheesy movies, DR. FORRESTER: The worst we can find, FRANK and FORRESTER: La-la-la! He'll have to sit and watch them all, and we'll monitor his mind. La-la-la! Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the movies begin or end, (FRANK and FORRESTER: La-la-la!) He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his robot friends. Robot Roll Call! CAMBOT: Show yourself! GYPSY: I'm not ready! TOM SERVO: Hello there! CROOOOW: That's one "o"! If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, (FRANK and FORRESTER: La-la-la!) Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax For Mystery Science Theater 3000!" (The Satellite of Love. CROW and TOM SERVO have set up a lemonade stand.) CROW: LEMONADE! TOM SERVO: ICE COLD LEMONADE! CROW: DELICIOUS LEMONADE! TOM: LEMONADE! JUST A NICKEL! (MIKE NELSON enters.) MIKE: Mmm, lemonade! Don't mind if I do. Here's my five cents. CROW: Thank you, sir! TOM: And here's your refreshing lemonade! MIKE: Cheers! (Drinks.) CROW: It's sugar-free. (MIKE chokes and tries to speak. He can't; his lips have puckered too much.) TOM: C'mon, Mike! Sugar causes cavities. And the Mads are calling. CROW: Maybe we can sell them lemonade. (Onscreen: DR. CLAYTON FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK, the mad scientists running the experiment.) TV'S FRANK: I wouldn't mind a glass. DR. FORRESTER: You spent your allowance for this week. I'm not giving you any more. FRANK: Pleeeeeeeeeeease? Pretty pretty pretty please? MIKE: (Recovers.) Make sure you get sugar on top. FORRESTER: Oh, all right, Frank, here. Where was I? Oh, yes, where you are. Lemons. Nature's sourest fruit, and the sourest kind of fanfic. We've been having fun skimming the surface of Digifanfiction of late, and now it's time to plumb the depths. Today, Mike, a craptacular collection of Digimon porn. Consider this your ultimate test. What's the lead-off, Frank? FRANK: "Cody Express His Love For Izz!" by Spazoid Barney. You can peel paint with a fic this astringent. FORRESTER: Steel yourself, Nelson. This first one's rough! Send the fic, Frank. FRANK: I don't have my lemonade yet. FORRESTER: So? FRANK: When I send the fanfic, they'll all go in the theater, and I won't get my lemonade. CROW: If that'll stop you, we're sending your lemonade extra slow. (FORRESTER holds out his hand. FRANK sadly returns his money and pushes a button.) TOM: Nice, Crow! That was an easy Tom Jefferson you blew. (Lights flash and sirens blare.) MIKE: It's FANFIC SIGN! (Doors open into the theater, where a web browser is already downloading the fanfic. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.) >Cody Express His LOve For IZZ!! TOM: Damn sticky shift key! MIKE: And now, young Cody Hida of Odaiba will express his love with Shubert's "Sonata for Flute in E Minor." >Author: Spazoid Barney loves CODY!!!!! CROW: Almost as much as he loves: "excessive" punctuation!!!!! >I don’t own Digonm TOM: I can't even spell it, let alone own it. >CODY EXPRESSES HIS LOVE TOWARDS IZZY MIKE: Not to Izzy, just in his general direction. >Izzy walk in rooom and see naked Cody on bed that is his. CROW (Izzy): Hey! Get off bed that is mine! I just made it, and you're rumpling it! MIKE (Izzy): When I told you to lose the Nehru jacket, I didn't mean this. TOM (Motorcycle): Roooooooooom! Rooom rooom roooooooooooooooooooooooooom! >IZZY; Cody, why you here? I thought I was myself here tonight. TOM (Izzy): I thought I was myself here, but I'm really someplace else! MIKE (Cody): I want to talk to you about Amway. CROW: Izzy sounds like the fake Jamaican woman in the psychic hotline ads. >CODY; I here to say that I love you. I wanna fuck you like a DOG!*Cody jump >on Izzy* MIKE: HEY! No dogpiling on the computer nerd! CROW (Izzy): Well, that's real nice, but technically, you can't until you hit puberty at least. See you in about nine years. TOM: Or not. CROW: Definitely not! >IZZY: Wait, let me take my cloth off for you. Wait second. CROW (Izzy): I just have the one cloth. TOM (Cody): "Wait second?" Who's in line ahead of me? >CODY: Let me help, you big computer nerd that I love muchly. MIKE (Izzy): Shove off, creepy little deve who no speak'um Englishese goodly. >*Cody helps Izzy get naked* CROW: Yeah, Izzy can build a motherboard from scratch, but buttons easily defeat him. TOM: My God! That's a complete sentence! It's the only one so far with no spelling or grammatical errors! I'm scared, Mike! MIKE: Easy, Tom. He left off the period. TOM: Whew! Now I feel better. >Cody jump on Izzy and make love noise* MIKE: "Hee haw?" That's a love noise? CROW: No, that's a self-insertion on the author's part. >IZZY: OH YEA! I need lot of love after hard day. Let us get on bed! CROW: It's been a hard day's night...! >* Izzy carries naked Cody on bed* TOM (Izzy): Whew! The bed's heavy! Can I just carry you without the bed? >Two of thems start to lick body* CROW: Takes a lickin', makes you sicken! >CODY: You hot. MIKE (Izzy): You not. Shimmy-shimmy-ko-ko-bop! >IZZY: You hotter. TOM: Let me guess. "You hottest." >CODY: You HOTTEST! OOOH! MIKE (Izzy): Uh, you, uh, hottester! >*Cody grab Izzy throb cock and sqeeze hardly* TOM: Somebody remember that word. We can play it in Scrabble when we're down to the Q and all the U's are taken. >IZZY: OWW CROW (Izzy): That hurts. Stop! Never touch me again! >CODY; Sorry. I love my Izzy. Let get going now! TOM (Izzy): Uh, let's not. You're, like, HALF MY AGE and I'm only fourteen. >IZZY: No, I wanna lick you first now MIKE: The licking's happened. You can't be first anymore. Please be last.... >CODY: ‘Kay. Lick whever you want. CROW (Izzy): I'm going downstairs to lick a Dove bar. This is just too weird. >IZZY: I love ypou Cody, you have very big cock. I wanna get some inside my >ass. Please? TOM: On a kid Cody's age, "very big" is about an inch and a half tops. MIKE: Gross. TOM: Uh-huh. CROW (Izzy): I love Ypou. It's the greatest little village in Serbia. >CODY: Now you want some? MIKE (Cody): Right now? This instant? I'm sorry, I really didn't think you'd take me up on this. I was only fooling. >IZZY: Yea! YEA! Come, hurry, I needa get some from you sooooo badly. CROW: "Sooooo badly" covers this whole fic like snow covers Antarctica. >CODY: Don’t worry, patient Izzyy get more sperm from your love bug...ME! TOM: Hey, you leave Herbie out of this! >IZZY: Please hurry. I can not take wait. I neeed you NOW! CROW (Izzy): I always leave wait on my plate. MIKE: Use some articles, already! The whole thing sounds like Charlie Chan getting off on Tarzan. >*Izzy grab Cody’s cock and suck it hard* Cody moan wqith pleasureness* CROW: "Wqith pleasureness." I'm pretty sure this guy's spellcheck program committed suicide rather than try to fix this mess. >CODY: Little to the left, IZzy, baby. TOM (Cody): I'm into Marxist sex. >IZZY: Yes, I will love my Cody right way now MIKE (Izzy): I'm going to get you dressed and take you to the rubber room so they can straighten you out. >*Izzy suck Cody nuts with loud slurpy sound* Then go back to cock* CROW: Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Do not think this crap is worth reading. >CODY; Come now, stop, I think my penis is gonna explode! *Cody sets off in >Izzy mouth.* TOM (Cody): AAAH! IT DID EXPLODE! OH, GOD, I'M A EUNUCH NOW! AAAAAAH! >Izzy slurp up it all* MIKE (Izzy): Mmm, delicious shrapnel! >IZZY: You taste so delicious. I love it. Cody tastes good. TOM: Like a cigarette should. CROW: Cigarettes don't taste good. TOM: Bingo. >CODY: Your turn, Izz. *Cody grab Izzy penis and suck with much love sound* TOM: CH-CHING! CROW: BO-O-O-ONG! MIKE: OOGA-CHUKKA! OOGA-CHUKKA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA-CHUKKA! >Izzy moan and grunt. He happy and loads off in Cody mouth too* CROW: Remember when we went to the Altavista site and translated the Gettysburg Address from English to French to Italian to German to Spanish to English again? This reads just like that. >CODY: You are great, Izz mmmmmm.... tasty....ok, time now for big one Izz. MIKE (Redd Foxx): Look out! It's the big one! >IZZY: Yep, no problewm. Izzy take cock out of Cody mouth and stick in >asshole. *Cody scream* MIKE: Scream along with Cody! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Aaaaaaahhh! AAAAAAAAAAHHH! >CODY: OOOOOWWWWW.. YYYEEEEESSSS!!!!!! I never felt good stuff from anyone. >Izzy, you rock-hard. SexYYYY!!! CROW: Rock-hard in the head. >IZYY;*pumping hard* uh, uh, uh, UHHHH!! I am sweat filled from love to >Cody. TOM: Who's this "Izyy?" Did somebody new show up? CROW (Izyy): Really, no more sweat. I'm full. >CODY: OHHHH YYYEEEEAAAA HAW! That is sooo fine! MIKE: This deserves a fine. About ten million dollars, I'd say. >IZZY; *Thrusting in and out of Cody ass with all his strenght* I love you >man, you are da BOMB! CROW (Izzy): I mean, your genitals literally exploded a minute ago. TOM: Y'know,this fic is "da bomb." A fertilizer bomb.... >CODY: Oh, I feel the love! *Cody turn around and pleasure himslef with own >cock* Keep going man, !! TOM: Well, it's going to be a hell of a challenge to pleasure himself with someone else's. CROW (Cody): Keep going, on out of the room, a little more, that's right, down the hall, out into the street.... >IZZY: I try MIKE (Izzy): And fail. Time and again. >CODY: YES! My turn yet? CROW (Izzy): Wait, I have to draw a card first. >IZZY......almost *thrusts in onew more time real hard and pulls out his >throb cock. Cody stop pleasuing himself and grab Izzy butt cheek* CROW: Intense buttcheek grabbing action! TOM (Cody): Don't you EVER do that again, or so help me, I will rip your buttcheek off! MIKE: His "throb cock?" Is that kinda like the author's "sputter brain?" >CODY: Ready? CROW: Set. Go! And they're off! And it's my lunch in the lead, followed closely by my breakfast! >IZZY: HELL YEA! TOM: The origin of this fanfic revealed at last! >CODY: RIGHTY THEN! MIKE: Oh, goody. Jim Carrey shows up. >*Cody sticks cock in Izzy rectum and loads off again with sweet moaning >that come from Izzy* CROW: Okay, class, name 38 things the author did wrong in this ONE SENTENCE. >CODY: How do ya like that? MIKE (Izzy): I hate it. Quit! >IZYY: Like it? I love it! Massage me please, Cody, you so rocky body! TOM: It's the mysterious "Izyy" again! CROW (Rocky): YO ADRIAAAAAN! >CODy: ‘Kay *Cody grab Izzy’s buttcheek and massage with his fingers wuile >thrusting in and out of Izzy hole* Izzy scream* MIKE: Now, scream along with Izzy! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Aaaaaaahhh! AAAAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! TOM: Oh, God, this horrible! Will it never end? >IZZY: YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! MIKE: He's lying, Tom. It'll end, just not soon enough. TOM: As long as it ends sometime.... >CODY: I love you Izz... CROW (Izzy): You can't have my Bud Light. >IZZY: Stop call me that. MIKE: Call me "John Wayne Gacy." CROW: Uh-oh! >CODY: Why? It is my Cody’s love name to Izz, see IZZ>>>> you >rock-hard...uh, uh, uh, u,h *Cody thrust in 4 times and let out* TOM: Izzy or Izzn'ty? Only his hairdresser knows for sure. >IZZY: Oh that was best fucking in life! CROW (Izzy): Now that I know I can never have better, I must turn to necrophilia. It's not any grosser than what just happened. >CODY: I tired........ Izz, I love you much. MIKE (Cody): I guess. I was really acting out. >IZZY: What? CROW (Izzy): I can't hear you over the readers screaming! >CODY: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! TOM (Cody): What, are you deaf? Pay attention! >IZZY: That better, Izzy love codyy two! *Izzy grab Cody’s nipple and lick >and suckl MIKE: And the sentence peters out completely, which suits me just fine. CROW: Codyy two: Electric Boogaloo. >CODY; want more? MIKE: NO! TOM: NO! CROW: A thousand times, NO! >IZZY; Naw, I do not wanna tire out Cody that is mine. We can do again nexxt >time!!! TOM: Too late, you've already tired out Cody that is yours. Hopefully, soon he will be Cody that is not yours. He'll be Cody that is the ward of the state. >CODY! Oh, yea, lets just kissssaa! NOW! *Cody an Izzy make out till night >comes and sandman make them fall asleep. CROW: "Sandman" has a great comic. Why couldn't we have read that instead of this swill? >the end MIKE: Praise the Lord. >this was best digimon story ever written! (MIKE, TOM, and CROW laugh bitterly.) >Please review. CROW: Sure! IT BIT! TOM: You didn't mention rimming at all, and this fic still sucked ass from beginning to end. MIKE: Here's some perspective for you: right now, there's a guy in a group home in Louisiana making sculptures with his own earwax who could write better Digimon fan fiction than you. >Me thanks! MIKE: He THANKED himself! CROW: Must be one of his other personalities talking. >I AM SOOOO GOOD DIGIMON WRITER! TOM: Okay, who wants to swat him with a rolled-up newspaper? CROW: This twerp might like that. He definitely would like having his nose rubbed in it. MIKE: I think we should take him to the pound. To the animal shelter, gentlemen! (MIKE, TOM, and CROW exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living quarters. MIKE, TOM, and CROW huddle to console each other.) TOM: Oh, man! This was the worst story ever! I may never get the oily feel of this fanfic off of me! CROW: Now I fear death. My life will flash before my eyes and I will see this tale again. The horror.... MIKE: It was, without question, our worst ride in a long time. TOM: The only bright side is that the Mads may never find a story worse than "Cody Express His Love For Izz!" CROW: I thought it was called "Cody Expresses His Love Towards Izzy." MIKE: You know, you're both right. TOM and CROW: Huh? MIKE: That guy used two different names for the story. He called it "Cody Express His Love For Izz!" and then switched to "Cody Expresses His Love Towards Izzy." It's almost like he put this in disguise. CROW: It should be disguised. I recommend disguising it as a roll of toilet tissue. TOM: Not much of a disguise. More like, "Come as you are." MIKE: Maybe the author was confused about the title. I mean, he had confusion by the trainload. It'd be easy to forget he never settled on a definite title. CROW: Well, how about we help him out? I personally recommend "Slimy Wadge of Poo." TOM: Or he could call it "Nuclear Waste For the Soul." MIKE: I'm partial to "Brown Heroin Haze" myself. CROW: How about "The Day My Last Neuron Kicked It"? TOM: I've got it - "Straightjacket Blues"! MIKE: Anyone like "Point and Snicker, I Don't Mind"? CROW: Then there's "Shame: Don't Let It Rule Your Life." TOM: There's also "My Perversions and Other Animals." MIKE: No. I have it. "Just Wrong." Everyone who reads this must automatically say, "Well, that's just wrong!" And that clearly must be the title of this fic. CROW: "Just Wrong" by Spazoid Barney. That's the perfect title. TOM: It's almost poetic in its simplicity. Good job, Mike! (Onscreen: DR. CLAYTON FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK.) FORRESTER: I hate to spoil the fun, but you're up again. FRANK: The next fic will be Shadow Guyver 007's "Veemon Gets Lucky." Enjoy! (Lights flash and sirens blare.) MIKE: Once again, FANFIC SIGN!