MST3K Digimon Lemonade! by don Jaime del Resfriado (James Reinbold) (jdreinbold@hotmail.com) Synopsis: When the Mads give Mike and the 'bots lemons -- terrible, terrible Digimon porn -- they make lemonade. Chapter 1: "Cody Expresses His Love For Izz!" by Spazoid Barney Chapter 2: "Veemon Gets Lucky" by Shadow Guyver 007 Chapter 3: "Lonely Brothers" by Eric Strife Chapter 4: "I Need A Woman!" by animefreak72 Chapter 5: "The Impossible Accident" by Taito's Child Chapter 6: "Camping Out" by Sailor Goo-Chan, Yaoi Senshi Chapter 7: "The Princess and the Computer Genius" by Kojiro Arigatou Chapter 8: "Getting a Charge Out of Elecmon" by Togashi Tsuke Chapter 9: "On Purpose" by Christine Chapter 10: "NATURE" by LILAC This chapter: There's something missing from "Nature" that helps Mike and the 'bots bring the Mads' Digimarathon to an end. (Doors open into the theater, where the next fanfic is already downloading. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.) >Nature MIKE: Or Nurture? You be the judge! CROW: This fic was made possible by a grant from Exxon Mobil, polluting wildlife since Congress broke up Standard Oil. TOM: We don't have to listen to George Page, do we? He always puts me to sleep. >by Lilac MIKE: I think we can expect purple prose from this author. >O.K., here it is. TOM: Behold! "Nature!" CROW: Look out below, we got some "Nature" coming! >Rated NC-17 for lemony content. MIKE: I just discovered my real age is sixteen. Can I go? >It Was In The Tree TOM: Was "Nature!" CROW: Another author who can't keep a title straight. >Once upon a time, MIKE: In a faraway kingdom, there lived a little duck. TOM and CROW: Quack, quack! >two children were playing. >One said he had to go, MIKE: REAL bad, so he used a bush. >the other intent on staying. CROW (Wallace Shawn): Stop that rhyming now! I mean it! TOM (Andre the Giant): Does anybody want a peanut? >After he left, MIKE: A measly ten-cent tip.... >she kicked around the ball, MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Hello, Sora! CROW: The boy is Taichi, right? TOM: Could be Koushirou. He's in soccer club, too, though you'd never guess it. MIKE: Or Daisuke or Ken. We've seen some weird pairings. >when by her feet, >a fruit should happen to fall. TOM (Sora): Get out of the way, Yamato! >Sora inspected it closely, MIKE: And gave it the Takenouchi Seal of Approval. >saw that it had a skin. TOM: The original fruit leather. MIKE: She's staring at skin. It's a skin story, all right. CROW: Yes, but a skin story loaded with vitamins. >She looked up at the tree >and saw more of its kin. CROW: It's the persimmon family reunion! >The skin was a bright yellow, TOM: The fruit has jaundice. >it was rough to the touch. MIKE: So Sora filed her nails with it. >But she peeled it and tasted it. CROW (Sora): So this is the fruit Juicy Fruit tastes like! >She didn’t like it that much. MIKE: So she's not going bananas? >She stared up at the tree, >wondering why the fruit should fall. TOM: They haven't gotten to seed dispersal in her bio class yet. >When she suddenly saw, CROW: That the other kids are in the tree throwing fruit at her. >the top most one of all. MIKE (Jimmy Cagney): Top of the world, Ma! >She gaze it , TOM: She look it. She even smell it. >so high in the tree. MIKE, TOM, and CROW (Topmost fruit): Duuuude! The traaaails! >See look at it, CROW: See? See? Look at it! See?! Look at the topmost fruit, dammit! >and she wondered ‘Why can’t that be me?’ MIKE (Sora): Why can't I be loaded with sugar? >She wanted to soar high above the trees, >as high as that one. TOM: Fruit flies! Get it? Fruit flies! MIKE: She wants to soar over the trees as high as the fruit in the tree. Uh-huh. >If only she could do that, >then she’d have so much fun. CROW: Ah. But remember, the only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream. >But she held back, >she digressed. TOM: Good thing she brought a thesaurus with her. >The sun was getting low, MIKE: Aw, cheer up! You're a good sun! >she needed some rest. CROW: These eight stanzas exhausted her. >So as she looked up to the tree, TOM: Like the big sister she never had. >saying goodbye, MIKE (Sora): Good-bye, tree. CROW (Tree): Good-bye, Sora. Don't forget to write. >she promised herself tomorrow, TOM: That she'd steal it back from Shelbyville. >she’d come and say hi. MIKE (Sora): Hi, tree. CROW (Tree): Hi. >************************ TOM: That was it?! CROW: Did Sora hump the tree? What happened?! MIKE: Excuse me, fanfic, did we completely miss the sex scene? I mean, we were trying, but we didn't expect this kind of runaway success. >Sorry! I just had to do that! CROW: What was it?! Was this Zen porn? We don't understand! TOM: Give us the Cliff's Notes version, already! >In case you didn’t see it, that was a lemon tree. MIKE: Yes, and? >Lemon content. Get it? MIKE: Oh, yeah, now I get it! Ha, ha! This is GREAT! TOM: I am LOVIN' this! CROW: Best fanfic EVER! Man, TV's Frank really isn't paying attention anymore. >I’m not sure if lemons do grow on trees, but I think they do. TOM: They do, they do! That's okay! MIKE: Yes, we'd like the fic even if lemons grew underground. >If I’m wrong, sorry! CROW: Don't worry about it. We understand. >Should I leave it up, or take it down? MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Leave it, leave it! >I’ll let you decide. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: LEAVE IT! MIKE: You know what, guys? I think we have a wedge against the Mads. TOM: They flubbed bigtime, that's for sure. CROW: All we have to do now is turn this little gem against them. MIKE: Here's what we have to do.... (MIKE, TOM, and CROW continue talking as they exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living quarters. MIKE, TOM, and CROW, barely suppressing smiles, stand ready to face the Mads.) CROW: This is going to be great! TOM: I can taste victory already! MIKE: Shh, shh! Hello, sirs? (Onscreen: the Mads.) FORRESTER: Ah, hello again, Mike. What news to report? MIKE: We just wanted to tell you how much we liked this fanfic. CROW: Yeah, it was really good! I was impressed. TOM: I wish I could read more fan fiction like this. FORRESTER: Wait a minute. You liked it?! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Sure! Why not? FRANK: But I sent you a lemon. CROW: And it was the best lemon I ever read! The subtleties, the nuances, the careful attention to character.... TOM: This was a quality piece of writing. I wish you'd tell us where you found it. I could look forward to Digimon lemons like this. MIKE: Yes, sirs, please, send us another just like this one. FRANK: Well, I'll try, but you're really not supposed to like them. Let me see what I've got available.... FORRESTER: No, Frank. FRANK: No? FORRESTER: No. We've failed. Push the button, Frank. FRANK: But, I've got so many more lemons to send. FORRESTER: It doesn't matter, Frank. We've taught them to like Digimon lemons. There's no point to the experiment now. We'll try again in the morning with something fresh and and innocent and un-Digi. FRANK: I don't want to. FORRESTER: What? FRANK: I don't want to. This stuff is too evil. There is no way it won't drive them insane. Please, let me try one more. FORRESTER: Well.... FRANK: Just one more, please? FORRESTER: I'm listening, but it better be the ultimate in Digimon porn. FRANK: Let's see. (Thumbs through stacks of paper.) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... FORRESTER: I'm waiting. FRANK: Here we are! "Revived Hope" by Time Lady. Piemon rapes the hell out of Takeru.... FORRESTER: Can't use it. Too many people like it, and Nelson might be one of them. Besides that, yo-o-o-ou left a negative review and I had to answer to Time Lady about it. She almost did her patented Master Happosai battle aura at me. I don't want to go through that experience again. FRANK: Okay, no Time Lady. The Infamous Boss Reo has some stuff.... FORRESTER: We've already borrowed his "Patamon: Professional Cab Driver." I'm not going back to an author I've already requested a fic from once. It's embarassing enough the first time. FRANK: I got it! Lord Archive's "Red Digivice Diaries"! FORRESTER: It's already several chapters long and over 500 KB, and it's only about half finished. Nelson would die of old age before reaching the end. FRANK: I know! Gomamon Purewater! He's got an unbelievable fanfic.... FORRESTER: Gomamon Purewater hates your guts, Frank. He's never forgiven you for flipping off that cop on our way home from the barcrawl. The last time I suggested you two make up he ran over and kicked all our garbage cans into the street. Face it, Frank. It's over. We lost. Push the button, Frank. FRANK: (Breaking down.) It can't be over! This was the perfect plan! FORRESTER: I know, bubbie, I know. Cry on Daddum's shoulder. FRANK: (Crying.) No one can withstand the horror of Digimon porn, no one! There's no way! There's just no way! FORRESTER: Shh, shh. There, there. Push the button and you'll feel all better. (Still sobbing, FRANK pushes the button. The screen goes black and as the credits roll, we here the SoL crew singing softly.) MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >I am sweat filled from love to Cody. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >Look, I'll stop seeing your mom, everbody else's mom, give you fifty bucks >and we'll call it even. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >I heard TK screaming and....Oh..my...GOD! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >Look at how well the dress fits so closely to your thighs! It's almost >beautiful. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >Yeah, I felt completely fine after I was done feeling nauseous. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >C’mon! Get this pervert off of you! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >In-ju-ry!! MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >I was just wondering if you would be able to take care of all the babies. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >I heard someone scream our my name, and I though that you were in trouble >or something. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Lemon tree very pretty And the lemon flower is sweet But the fruit of the poor lemon Is impossible to eat. >and she wondered 'Why can't that be me?' (Special thanks to authors of these fics for their permission to use them in this project, and to you for reading. MST3K property of Best Brains Inc, Digimon property of Toei Animation and Bandai Toys, used without permission.) Mike Nelson Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot will return in "MST3K Digimon Lemonade Too!" MIKE, TOM, and CROW: We've got SEQUEL SIGN! Coming soon to a website near you.