MST3K Digimon Lemonade! by don Jaime del Resfriado (James Reinbold) (jdreinbold@hotmail.com) Synopsis: When the Mads give Mike and the 'bots lemons -- terrible, terrible Digimon porn -- they make lemonade. Chapter 1: "Cody Expresses His Love For Izz!" by Spazoid Barney Chapter 2: "Veemon Gets Lucky" by Shadow Guyver 007 Chapter 3: "Lonely Brothers" by Eric Strife Chapter 4: "I Need A Woman!" by animefreak72 Chapter 5: "The Impossible Accident" by Taito's Child Chapter 6: "CAMPING OUT" by SAILOR GOO-CHAN, YAOI SENSHI Chapter 7: "The Princess and the Computer Genius" by Kojiro Arigatou Chapter 8: "Getting a Charge Out of Elecmon" by Togashi Tsuke Chapter 9: "On Purpose" by Christine Chapter 10: "Nature" by Lilac This chapter: "Camping Out" has an unusual format. The action is "watched" by an audience character who makes obnoxious comments. Where do these ideas come from? (Doors open into the theater, where the next fanfic is downloading. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.) >Camping Out TOM and CROW: Kum-ba-yaaaa, my Lord! Kum-ba-yaaaa! >by Sailor Goo-chan, Yaoi Senshi CROW: Translated from the Japanese, "Yaoi Senshi" means "medicine woman." TOM: Rich milk chocolate with a gooey chan center! MIKE: Hiya, Sailor! New in town? >Goo’s Opening Note- MIKE: In C Minor. >This is a very short lemon I wrote simply to see if I can. TOM: Oh, you didn't have to prove anything to us. Really. >It has little to no story CROW: And no taste to speak of. >(well, it does have one, but it’s flimsy) MIKE: It's made of sheet aluminum. >and it takes place during 02 after the last episode when all of the older >kids are camping to provide a cover for the younger kids, and an unexpected >tag-along shows up... TOM: I though the last episode dealt with the death of Belial Vamdemon and the Chosen's lives in 2027. MIKE: New ep. Anything to shut up loudmouth Taira hounds. >*Runs away, sniggering.* CROW: Ladies and gentlemen, the first ever fanfic based on Ding Dong Ditch. >Disclaimer- I don’t own Digimon and after this I think FoxKids and Toei are >going to try to find a way of suing me for defamation... CROW: Who's telling us this? Didn't the author run away sniggering? >A/N- This is yaoi, Taito, and lemon. The summary said that it was this. MIKE: And she means all three summaries. >If you are still reading this then it is at your own risk. TOM: If your head implodes, that's your problem. >In other words, don’t start bitching in my reveiw section because, hell, >I’ve been warning you over and over. CROW: Confused? You won't be, after this episode of "Digimon"! (TOM and MIKE whistle the theme from "Soap.") >The Camping Trip TOM: Hey! She changed fics! >By A Girl Named Goo CROW: And it isn't even the same author! Look at that! MIKE: Geez! >Dedicated to anyone who is actually willing to read an NC-17 yaoi lemon >Taito fic. MIKE: Man. The prefaces, introductions, dedications, warnings and other what-not take up several hundred pages. Wanna bet the fic itself is a haiku? TOM: Wind blows through cedars Taichi blows Yamato-kun Lemons simply blow. >To each his own, I guess...(Note: I have a whole folder full of lemon Taito >fics, so we’re all sick together here!) CROW: This is making me sick right now. >Matt was sleeping peacefully when he felt a tap on his shoulder. TOM (Matt): I'm not a keg, you alky! Look for the shiny silvery thing over by the food. >He slowly opened his eyes and looked up. CROW (Matt): I can see the Big Dipper! >Tai was above him with a sly grin on his face. CROW (Matt): And there's the Big Dip! MIKE (Tai): C'mon! Second star on the right, then straight on till morning! >Matt yawned and started to fall back asleep. MIKE: Even Matt's bored with this Taito. >"Not tonight, Tai. TOM (Matt): I have a headache. >There are too many people around," he muttered. CROW (Matt): It's hard enough to breathe with four people in a pup tent. Sex is out of the question! >"They’re all sleeping. MIKE (Izzy): We WERE sleeping. Shut up! >And besides, it’s not like we are stupid enough to do anything right here." TOM (Matt): We're not doing anything here? Oh, yeah, that...that would be stupid. Ha, ha! Ahem. >"Someone might see us." CROW (Matt): Like an insomniac squirrel. >"Then again, maybe no one will." MIKE: That's right, Tai, think positive. MAYBE no one will. >"I’m tired." TOM (Matt): I still haven't recovered from our last session three years ago! >"You’re stalling." CROW (Tai): And you're going into a dive! Pull up! Pull up! >"I’m not ready!" MIKE (Matt): I have to put on my face and fix my hair. >"You will be once we get out there." TOM (Matt): Look, Tai, I just don't want chigger bites on my willie. >Matt knew that Tai would heckle him until he at least got up, MIKE: And would jeckle him until dawn. >so he opened his sleeping bag and stood up. CROW: And with Tai's heckling stopped by getting up, Matt crawled back in and went back to sleep. >Tai looked around to make sure everyone was still asleep TOM: Not a sure bet, after all that yapping. >and then put his arm around Matt’s shoulders, kissing him gently on the >cheek. MIKE: Please, God, the facial cheek! The facial cheek! >"I knew you’d come around." CROW (Matt): It's all about coming with you, isn't it? >"Horny bastard." MIKE: Gabumon's here? >"Why, thank you!" Tai said as if he had just been complemented. CROW: No, "complimented." "Complement" means a whole or to make complete. TOM: Thank you, Grammar Patrol. >"Anyway, I found the perfect place. TOM (Tai): One bedroom, one bath, on-site security, and it's right off the bus line! >It’s about a ten minute walk from here so no one should hear us MIKE (Tai): Unless we're eaten by bears. >and we’ll be able to get back to camp before anyone notices we’re gone. TOM (Izzy): Hey, Tai and Matt are gone! CROW (Mr. Ishida): Quick! Call the park rangers and have them form search parties! >I found this place when we were out collecting firewood earlier and Sora >was shamelessly flirting with me." CROW: Wait - Sora wasn't in this episode! MIKE: True, but Mr. Ishida does one hell of a Sora impression. Tai might mean him. TOM: Ick, Mr. Ishida was flirting with Tai! I feel dirty now. >"If you were in the mood you should have just woken her up. MIKE (Matt): She loves Glenn Miller. >She would have been happy to comply." CROW: If she had made the trip out here. >"Because I am in love with you, and not her," Tai answered. MIKE: What was the question? >This shut Matt up for a few minutes. TOM: Big deal. Matt never has anything to say. >Then Tai added something as if he had forgotten to. CROW (Tai): I'm not in love with Izzy or your dad, either. >"Besides, she’s missing something important that I need to do what I want >to do..." he whispered, running his hand between Matt’s legs. MIKE: Sora never remembers the condoms. CROW (Tai): And I want to do what I need to do, so do you want to do what I need to do, because I want to do what I want to do sooo bad! TOM (Matt): Uh, you want to do me, is that what you want to do? >This caused the blonde to swallow hard and his boyfriend to chuckle. MIKE (Tai): The autonomic nervous system always cracks me up! >"Sometimes I think you are only dating me for my body," Matt muttered, >blushing. CROW: Well, he sure ain't dating you for your mind, Mr. D Average. >"What body, stick-man?" Tai asked him. TOM: Stick Man! Faster than a speeding Labrador retriever! CROW: More powerful than a blade of grass! MIKE: Able to leave nasty splinters with the slightest touch! TOM: Yes, Stick Man, defender of justice, enemy of evil! Also good for propping open windows. >He knew he shouldn’t have added that part because it would only make the >blonde angry, MIKE: But Matt's always angry, so it hardly mattered. >but Matt evidentally had more important things to worry about. CROW: Like, were they ever going to get around to roasting marshmallows? TOM (Homer Simpson): Mmmm, roasted marshmallows! >Jun looked at the clearing where the boys had just entered. CROW (Jun): All right! Ten hours staring at an empty field finally pays off! >She had followed them to the campground shortly after they took off >ubruptly. MIKE (Jun): Hey, guys! You left your ubruptly behind! You might want to put it back on! >She had bummed a ride with a friend who happened to be passing through, TOM: We should all have friends who just happen to be passing through a remote national forest. >and had been secretly watching them all day, CROW (The Kinks): And all of the night! Dun-dun-dun-DUN! All day, and all of the night! >trying to find a moment when Matt was alone so that she could get her >chance with him. MIKE: Jun's the most likable stalker. I get a warm fuzzy feeling every time she fixates on some boy and haunts him relentlessly. >Unfortunately, even after three dates and several phone calls he still >didn’t seem to be coming around. TOM: Three dates and several phone calls on the first day of a camping trip?! Pack it in, girl! You're trying to hard! >She hid in the bushes, hoping that Tai would go away soon. MIKE: And discovered the rest of the Digidestined hiding from Tai and hoping he would go away, too. >but much to her surprise instead of leaving he only got closer to Matt. CROW (Jun): Look out, Matt! He's after your wallet! >Matt leaned against a tree and Tai pressed his body against the other >boy’s, whispering something into his ear. TOM (Tai): Did you ever have the feeling you were being watched? >He backed away and little giving him a questioning look, and Matt nodded. MIKE (Matt): Yeah, Daisuke's big sister is always right on my butt. Just ignore her. >Tai smiled and pressed himself against him again, this time kissing him >deeply. CROW: Tai's kisses are waterproof to fifty meters. >He wrapped his arms around the dark-clad boy, and Jun gasped. TOM (Jun): What's wrong with Matt? He knows dark colors don't suit him! He's a winter! >‘C’mon! Get this pervert off of you!’ she ordered him mentally, CROW: Uh-oh! She's gone mental! TOM: To go mental, don't you have to have a mind first? >but not only did he not fight it, he kissed back with equal force. MIKE: I had no idea kissing was covered by Newton's Third Law of Motion. >They were now officially making out, CROW: They had the permits and everything. >their hands running over each other. TOM: Their hands have no-fault insurance. >Jun’s mind was telling her to look away, MIKE (Jun): Look away, look away, Dixieland. >but her body wasn’t obeying. CROW (Jun): Heel, body, heel! Bad body! No! >She knew how disgusting what she was watching was, but she watched with the >same morbid fastination someone had when they were watching a car accident >or execution. TOM: Um...it's not that disgusting. I mean, nobody's going to drop dead from a BJ. CROW: I'm scared. This author talks like she's watched several executions to know that. >Tai began to unbutton Matt’s shirt, and Matt dropped his arms so that it >would drop to the ground. MIKE: There's a lot of dropping in that sentence. In fact, I'd say the whole fic is solid with droppings. >Jun gasped when she saw how skinny he was without the shirt to make him >look more full figured. TOM: Matt looks scrawny fully dressed! What, does he look like Kate Moss nude? >In fact, he had little to no build. CROW: If he has no build, doesn't that mean he's 2-D? MIKE: Well, this is Z-grade anime.... >But Tai didn’t seem to care as he felt him all over. TOM (Tai): Is that a wart, or your gall bladder? >Next he began to work his pants, unbuttoning them and unzipping them. MIKE: Wow, aerobics for your pants! Work those pants! Zip up! Zip down! Zip up! Zip down! >He quickly realized that Matt was wearing a belt and had to undo that >before his pants fell down a bit. CROW: All the way to his hip. TOM: Really, fanfic, how much brainpower does it take to realize somebody's wearing a belt? >Tai pulled himself out of the kiss and began to run his lips down Matt’s >body. MIKE (Tai): Vroooom, vrooooooooom! >He stopped just above his waist, glanced up at him with a smile, TOM: And blew a raspberry on his stomach. CROW (Tai): PBLBLTPBLPTPBLLTPTBLPT! MIKE (Matt): Stop, that tickles! >and then pulled down his boxer shorts, exposing him. MIKE: Aaah! Matt's not a natural blonde! TOM and CROW: AAAAAAAHHHH! >Jun noticed with grim satisfaction that Matt looked panicked, MIKE: But she stood by uselessly and didn't offer him any help. >but she averted her gaze to where Tai was now staring at him. TOM: I'm confused. Does that mean Jun averted her gaze to Matt's area, or away from it? CROW: Does it matter? She probably has every square inch of his batch memorized from the webcam she hid in his bathroom. >Tai ran his hand along his erection, and Matt gasped. MIKE (Matt): Hey! Run your hands along my erection, not yours! >Tai smiled and continued to caress him for a moment before he lowered his >lips onto it, running his tongue along it. CROW: Y'know, I thought the term "wienie roast" meant something entirely different. TOM: Yeah, I expected something involving frankfurters. This is not what I anticipated at all. >Jun was now utterly repulsed, MIKE: And utterly repulsive. >but again she was also filled with that dark urge to see what was going to >happen next. TOM: She doesn't know?! Man, she IS dumb. >Tai finally reached the tip, and he kissed it. CROW: Tai always appreciates his fifteen percent. >Matt was holding onto the tree to keep his knees from buckling. TOM: Buckle up, Matt. It's the law! >Tai reposistioned his head so that Jun could no longer see what he was >doing, CROW: How exactly do you hide your head? TOM: Maybe Tai's a turtle. >but that became obvious when the clearing filled with light sucking noises. MIKE: Listen, you can actually hear the fanfic. >Matt was using one hand to keep from falling and the other to keep Tai’s >head pressed against him. TOM (Matt): Tai hid his head so well, that if I don't hang onto it, I may not be able to find it again. >He occasionally let out a moan or murmer. MIKE (Matt): Moan. Murmer. Um, murmer, moan, I guess. Moan. Murmer again. CROW: Murmur, Mike, murmur. MIKE: Hey, the fic says "murmer," I'm going to run with that. >Jun couldn’t hear his exact words, or if he was even forming words. CROW: She's going to be so embarassed when she finds out Matt's farting. >Suddenly the sucking noises picked up speed and became louder. TOM: And the fanfic circles the drain at last. >Matt placed both of his hands on either side of Tai’s head as he did this. MIKE (Mark McKinney): I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head! I crushed your head! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! >"Oh...oh God..." he cried out suddenly. CROW (Matt): Don't bite, Tai! Cripes! >Tai continued sucking. TOM: Tai always...nah. Too easy. I'll give this sentence the bye. >Sweat poured down his face and bare chest. MIKE: Yet his back stayed dry. >His body went rigid, and he grasped handfuls of Tai’s wild chestnut hair. >"Tai!" he called out in warning, MIKE (Matt): My hands are stuck in your giant hair! Help me! >and a moment later his knees buckled and he fell to the ground, panting >hard. CROW: If he had hung on to his tree, his knees wouldn't have buckled. Very careless of Matt. >Tai licked his lips and smiled at him. TOM (Tai): I was going to suggest anal sex, too, but since you just rubbed your butt in that poison oak.... >"I’m glad you enjoyed it," he said, almost in a teasing tone. CROW (Tai): Man, this stuff's worse than peanut butter for sticking to the roof of your mouth! MIKE: Crow.... >"G-get my c-c-clothes," Matt gasped, pulling up his boxers and his pants. TOM: Matt turned into Katherine Hepburn. CROW (Tai): How can I get your clothes if you put them back on? C'mon, Matt, strip for baby! >Tai grabbed his shirt and belt and handed them to him. MIKE (Tai): Want me to brush the lint off you while I'm at it? >Matt’s hands were shaking as he deperately tried to thread the belt through >the loops on his black jeans. TOM (Matt): Must...master...basic motor skills! >He put on his shirt but was having great difficulty buttoning it up. CROW (Matt): Maybe I should have gotten naked and exerted myself on a night when the temperature was above freezing. >Tai reached over and began to help him, grasping his hands after his shirt >was on. MIKE, TOM, and CROW (Tai): Oh, I thought you were Dale! CROW: I never get tired of that joke! TOM: Me neither! >Matt looked into his eyes, and they kissed again. They didn’t make out like >the last time, but they simply kissed each other. MIKE: But, did they kiss again? >Tai put his hand on Matt’s cheek and stared into his blue eyes. TOM: Staring contest! >"You’re so beautiful," he told him. CROW (Tai): When you're angry. MIKE (Tai): So you're always beautiful. >Matt smiled, and Tai put his arm around his shoulders again as they walked >away. TOM (Tai): Um...so it's my turn now, right? Matt? My turn! Hello! Nookie for the Goggle Boy! >Jun blinked, half trying to process what she had just seen and half trying >to forget it. CROW (Jun): Let's see, I was watching two guys have sex...no, I wasn't! I was watching Matt, and Tai was there...wait, Matt was alone! No, Matt wasn't here! >Should she tell someone what she had seen? That would be rude. MIKE: And staring at people having an intimate moment isn't?! >But then, didn’t people deserve to know that these two were an item? TOM: And don't people also deserve not to be badgered by an insane fangirl? >She turned around to walk back toward to the road and hitch a ride home. CROW: She's going to hitchhike in the middle of the night in a remote rural area. Well, that's the last we'll see of her. TOM: Good-bye, strange voyeur lady, it was nice knowing you! >Oh well. She’d figure it out when the shock had worn off. MIKE (Jun): Well, the shock's worn off and I still don't understand, but that's okay with me! >The End >Goo’s Final Thought- CROW: God, she wants to be Jerry Springer. >There you have it. MIKE: Can I give it back? >My first true lemon. TOM: And as sexy as a ten car pile-up. >I doubt there will be a sequel, CROW: But if you really want it, I'll start on "Teenage Japanese Girl Stands With Thumb Extended On An Empty Backroad Until Dawn" immediately. >though if you really want to know what happened then tell me in the review >section. MIKE: Anyone feel like reviewing? TOM: Nope! CROW: Uh-uh! >I don’t think there’ll be a sequel mostly because I stuck this right into >the series. It just seemed perfect. TOM: But perceptions were misleading. >Anyway, in the off chance you are actually reading this, then thank you for >even bothering. MIKE: Geez, if you'd spent as much time on the fanfic as on the explantory notes, this fic might have improved to mediocre. TOM and CROW: Kum-ba-yaaaa, my Lord! Kum-ba-yaaaa! MIKE: And remember, Smokey says, "Only you can prevent voyeurism!" (MIKE, TOM, and CROW exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living quarters. MIKE, TOM, and CROW are in position.) TOM: I'm sorry, Crow. I see your points, but I still think this fanfic proves Taichi is the seme and Yamato is the uke in their relationship. CROW: Come on! The Taito before this one showed Yamato was the top, and he was the only one getting any here. You can't just dismiss that. TOM: Yes, but the last fic was an AU and in this one Taichi forced the issue. What do you think, Mike? MIKE: I think this whole top/bottom argument is a stereotype, myself. If you want a tiebreaker, try the Mads. CROW: It's worth a shot. Hey down there in Clown College, who's dominant and who's submissive in Taito? (Onscreen: DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK, both sweating bullets.) FRANK: Forget about your silly little arguments! Dr. F. is in danger. FORRESTER: We were at the mall, picking up the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine I put on layaway at J.C. Penney's, when I look up, and what do I see? MIKE, TOM, and CROW: What? FORRESTER: Her. MIKE: Her who? FRANK: Her. (Points behind him to the corridor leading to the front door of Deep Thirteen. A teenaged girl peers around the corner. It is MOTOMIYA JUN.) MIKE: A teenybopper? I'm sorry, but I don't see any great threat from Motomiya Jun. FORRESTER: I can't lose her. She followed us everywhere. We went to the arcade to get change for the laundromat, she was playing Tetris. We went to the food court for a pretzel, she was having an Orange Julius. We went to the fountain to throw pennies, she was cleaning the filter. We got in my station wagon to go home, she was hiding in the backity-back. And all those times, she never stopped staring at my pants! FRANK: Dr. F. has become her latest infatuation. Who knows what she'll do to him? MIKE: Talk to him? TOM: Ask him out for a soda? CROW: Kidnap him, gut him in her basement, and make a throw rug out of his skin? MIKE: That's not very helpful, Crow. CROW: I was being sarcastic! Have you ever known me to be serious? FORRESTER: But maybe she is plotting my doom! I mean, what girl in her right mind would be attracted to me? MIKE: Why don't we ask her? Miss, could you step up here, please? We'd like to know what you want. (JUN comes forward.) FORRESTER: Oh, no. Act natural, Frank. No, don't do that. Act like you've got some sense. MOTOMIYA JUN: Um, excuse me.... FORRESTER: (Gulps.) Yes? JUN: I don't know how to tell you this, but.... FORRESTER: Forget me. JUN: What? FORRESTER: Look for love with another. I'm taken. I'm married to my work. My wife is an ex-temp and his robots. CROW: Hey! TOM: Gross! MIKE: If you're going to talk like that, you're on your own, sir! FORRESTER: Don't leave me, Mike! (Looks at JUN.) Er...that's not what it sounded like. Look, I'm sorry. I know you're infatuated with my rugged good looks, but it will never work out. I'm devoted to my mad science experiments. At this stage in my life I can't commit myself to a cheap, tawdry relationship with a nubile teenaged girl who's madly in love with me. Wait a minute.... JUN: What?! I don't want to marry you. FORRESTER: Well, all right, we can try living together first - huh? But you were staring at my crotch in the store! JUN: Well, I didn't want to embarass you, and it's embarassing for me that I noticed, but I was just going to point out your pants aren't zipped. FORRESTER: WHAT?! Oh, geez! (Turns and zips up.) JUN: I can't say I'm surprised. Eeew! Like I'd leave Kido Shuu for a disgusting old man. I have to go. Disgusting! (Exits.) FRANK: Wait! I'm only a dirty middle-aged man! I drive a Rabbit, it's a much cooler VW than Shuu's New Beetle! Be right back, sir. (Exits.) FORRESTER: Frank! What about the next fic? (FRANK dashes back into the shot and slaps a button, then leaves again.) Tell them what it is! (A door slams offstage.) It's "The Princess and the Computer Genius" by Kojiro Arigatou, Mike. Strangely enough, Izzy is the princess and Mimi is the computer genius. Frank! Get back here! (Exits.) (Lights flash and sirens blare.) sMIKE: There it is, FANFIC SIGN!