MST3K Digimon Lemonade! by don Jaime del Resfriado (James Reinbold) (jdreinbold@hotmail.com) Synopsis: When the Mads give Mike and the 'bots lemons -- terrible, terrible Digimon porn -- they make lemonade. Chapter 1: "Cody Expresses His Love For Izz!" by Spazoid Barney Chapter 2: "Veemon Gets Lucky" by Shadow Guyver 007 Chapter 3: "Lonely Brothers" by Eric Strife Chapter 4: "I Need A Woman!" by animefreak72 Chapter 5: "The Impossible Accident" by Taito's Child Chapter 6: "Camping Out" by Sailor Goo-Chan, Yaoi Senshi Chapter 7: "THE PRINCESS AND THE COMPUTER GENIUS" by KOJIRO ARIGATOU Chapter 8: "Getting a Charge Out of Elecmon" by Togashi Tsuke Chapter 9: "On Purpose" by Christine Chapter 10: "Nature" by Lilac This chapter: "The Princess and the Computer Genius" have only Digimon in common. And a poor sense of direction. And a prfound sense of loneliness. Oh, and a fan author who digs smutty stories. (Doors open into the theater, where the next fanfic is already downloading. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.) MIKE: Why couldn't Jun fall in love with me? TOM: You don't drive a New Beetle, Mike. >The Princess and The Computer Genius CROW: His wife, and her lover... TOM: And Ted and Alice... MIKE: And videotape. >by: >Kojiro Arigatou (naturally) TOM: Translated from the Japanese, that means "Alone Again." CROW: Naturally! >Ahem, alright everyone, MIKE: A-one and a-two and a-three and a-four! >since this IS a lemon TOM: It is? I thought it was a tangelo. >(no, you dink, CROW: Who you callin' a "dink," dink? >not those yellow, sour fruits that are often squeezed and spilt on a fresh, >open wound... MIKE: I'm talking about a Ford Pinto. >oh wait, that's just my form of torture...right?) TOM: Besides this, you mean? >I have to put up a disclaimer. *cough* MIKE: Please cover your mouth. Thanks! >This fanfiction contains acts of sexual fantasy, sexual desire, CROW: And sexual insanity, and sexual inanity.... >and all the wonderful stuff that we, the writers, have grown to love. TOM (Tony the Tiger): They're GR-R-R-R-R-EAT! >So, if you're not into that kinda thing, then why did you even come to this >cool site in the first place? CROW: Well, it's hot out, and the sign said you have air conditioning. >Weirdo. MIKE: Appeal to your audience. Call them names! >(oh, that crack about the fresh wound thing, just kidding...I use salt.) TOM: You touch salt? Aren't you afraid of shriveling up? >Alright, you drooling behemoths, here's your story! CROW: It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking. The captain said, "Tell me a story, my son," so I began: It was a dark.... >If you didn't read my disclaimer, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!! =P MIKE: If you didn't read this sentence, here are your instructions. TOM: One: Place head between legs. CROW: Two: Kiss ass good-bye. >(Note to reader: This timeline is before the defeat of Myotismon. MIKE: Which one? They've had to kill him about eight times now. >My last two were after the defeat of the Dark Masters. TOM: And we care about that because...? >Just wanted to point that out, as to prevent confusion. Enjoy!)-Kojiro CROW: Mike, is this story set after the Dark Masters were defeated? MIKE: I think so. TOM: So, Myotismon's been defeated already, right? MIKE: Yeah, sure! >Computer Entry No. 5018 CROW: No shirt, no shoes, no download. >Saturday, July 11th 1999 TOM: July 11th, 1999 was a Sunday. MIKE: How do you know these things?! CROW: We have Intel inside. >Greetings, Gennai. I haven't heard from you since we left Digiworld. TOM: Are you mad at me? >Things have progressed slowly since we returned, MIKE: They lost our luggage, the hotel cancelled our reservation.... >as we still have not found the identity of the Eighth child. I will inform >you of any recent information. >Sincerely, CROW: Um, you're ending kind of early. What about that recent information you promised? >Koushirou Tsukasa MIKE: Mi casa es Tsu- wait a minute! TOM: 'T the hell?! His name's Izumi, not Tsukasa! CROW: That's why they call him "Izzy" in the dub! Geez, pay attention next time! >PS: How are your fish?? I haven't seen them since I left digiworld. MIKE (Gennai): S'funny, my fish left digiworld about the same time you did. Could you please keep an eye open for 'em? They'll be the ones flopping around trying to breath air with their gills. >It was late afternoon. TOM: Grass was growing, birds were chirping.... >The streets were completely overwhelmed with tourists, shoppers, and >teenagers with weird hats. CROW: It's Weird Hat Days in Tokyo! I wonder who'll be crowned Miss Weird Hat. MIKE: I can't wait for the weird hat eating contest. >Koushirou paid no mind that they all stared at him, MIKE: Because he didn't know he had TP stuck to his heel. >even though it was a little weird seeing an 11 year-old boy walking down >the street, TOM: Hustling sailors. >his mind completely focused on the small laptop in his hands, and paying >absolutely no attention to his surroundings. CROW: And he accidentally stepped into traffic and was hit by a cab, the end. >It was time for the daily meeting with the other Digi Destined. MIKE: But since Koushirou wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, he was not aware of this. >They still had a lot of searching to do if they wanted to find the Eighth >Child before Myotismon. TOM: It's Hikari! That was screamingly obvious from the micromillisecond she showed up. >Koushirou quietly rounded the corner of the busy street, continuing on his >path to the park, which served as the Digi-Destined's meeting grounds. CROW: It's the 63rd Annual Digidestined Jamboree! >It was very peculiar as to how he was able to avoid being ran over by a >troop of boyscouts, or people on scooters. MIKE (Boy Scouts): Our jamboree's better! TOM: I understand Koushirou hacked the traffic signal computers so he can always change the lights in his favor. >Tokyo was always a crowded place, even since the day he was born. CROW: Tokyo was kind of sparse the day before he was born, though. >He always wondered what it would be like to live on a barren landscape, >possibly a farm, MIKE: Farms are barren? How do they grow food? >or something that didn't require you to use an oxygen mask downtown. TOM: So I guess scuba diving for pennies in fountains is out. >Koushirou stopped at the crosswalk, almost as if by clockwork. CROW: Look, Koushirou's key wound down! >It was like a never-ending job. MIKE: But the benefits were incredible: cheap insurance, a daycare program, stock options.... >Each day he would type up a message to Gennai, go to the park, search for >the Child, CROW: Politely suggest they look someplace other than the park, get shouted down.... >go home exhausted, eat, sleep, repeat. TOM: (Sniffs.) Smells a bit gamey. He should add "take a bath" to his routine. >He couldn't stand it, but he knew it had to be done... MIKE (Koushirou): Oh, the things I have to do to save the world! >Still, he couldn't help but feel that he was empty. CROW: So Koushirou stopped and ate a snowcone. >"Perhaps there IS something more than computers out there...?" He thought >silently, as hordes of cars passed by the crosswalk. MIKE (Koushirou): Checking...nope! Nothing but computers. >"...Highly doubtful." Koushirou trotted across the street, TOM: Cantered down the sidewalk, and stopped for oats and a currying-down. >and strolled over to their usual meeting place by the tree, laptop still in >hand, MIKE: Koushirou and his laptop, sitting by the tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! >and gawking at the monitor as if he couldn't turn away. CROW: He just can't get enough of that Hampster Dance. TOM: That song is from Disney's "Robin Hood," you know. >He sat by the old Dogwood, and waited for the others. MIKE: Despite the snowcone, he was still peckish, so the old Dogwood made him a septuple-decker sandwich with everything in the fridge. TOM: You mean the old Dagwood. This is an old Dogwood. MIKE: I know. I don't care. >They were always late. Especially Mimi. With her shopping schedule, her >long walk from her house, her completely lame excuses, he wondered if she >would ever be of any REAL help. CROW (Mimi): Hey, look! I found "How to Find a Digidestined" at the bookstore on the way from my house! >He was just glad that he never had to group with her while searching for >the Eighth Child. MIKE: Yeah, it's so much better to spend all day with Taichi and his massive ego. >She would most likely drive him completely insane. CROW: And she probably won't stop at comfort stations along the way. >His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the snapping of a twig from >nearby. TOM: Charlie was close. Koushirou could feel it. >His eyes snapped open, and he peered at his surroundings, most likely >looking for a surprise attack from Myotismon. MIKE: The author THINKS he's looking for an ambush. Koushirou may just be looking for four-leaf clovers. >His eyes flew up even wider when he noticed what it really was. TOM: It was a surprise attack from Piemon, not Myotismon! >It was Mimi, and she was early. CROW: Mimi normally has her period at the end of the month. MIKE: CROW! >Koushirou was always the first to arrive, but there was Mimi. TOM: Then, Koushirou wasn't always the first to arrive. At least, not any more. >And she was early. MIKE: I'm getting the feeling Mimi was early. >Koushirou did a double take. CROW: And spit out his coffee like Danny Thomas. >It couldn't possibly be her! That's just not like Mimi to waltz right in >before everyone else! TOM: Normally she rumbas in. >He had no logical explanation for such an event, though he wished he had >brought a camera for future reference. MIKE: He had no logical explanation for wanting a camera, either. >There were no mountain of shopping bags by her side, no giggling friends >around her. CROW: Mimi has friends? >He was actually relieved when he saw Palmon. TOM: We need more Palmon! CROW: Ancient Japanese secret, huh? MIKE: Palmon, take me away. >For a brief moment, he had thought that this was actually a trick by >Myotismon. MIKE: Um, fanfic, if you're going to use the Japanese names, you really should call him Vamdemon, even if it is stupid and hard to pronounce. >Mimi quietly took a seat beside Koushirou, Palmon happily sitting next to >her. CROW (Mimi): What kept you? The meeting's over! I'm only here 'cause I'm late heading home. >Koushirou had no idea what to say. TOM (Koushirou): Ummmm...stucco? Nationalize? Eggplant? None of this sounds right.... >He was so dumb-founded that for once, he couldn't think. MIKE: Well, at least he has something in common with Mimi now. >The only thought that escaped his head was the fact that her dress matched >her long, pinkish hair. CROW: It's the pink dress she always wears, and he's just noticed it? >"Koushirou??" TOM (Mimi): Is there something on my head? >He blinked, and shook his head lightly when he heard Mimi's questioning >tone. MIKE (Koushirou): No, I'm not Koushirou! >He could feel a very light blush spread across his face, CROW (Koushirou): Mimi, please don't test your new make-up on me! >and he quickly sought shelter behind his laptop monitor. MIKE: But Mimi flushed him out with her flamethrower and captured him anyway. >"Yes?" Mimi had her eyebrow cocked slightly, her expression almost >priceless as to anything he had ever seen. TOM: But not priceless as to everything he had ever seen. I don't think I'd pay good money for that expression, either. >"Why were you staring at me like that??" CROW (Koushirou): Your hair is PINK, Mimi! It looks like you hot-glued cotton candy to your skull! >Once again, Koushirou couldn't think of a factual explanation. MIKE: Besides Mimi's hair being ugly. >He just sat there, the colors of the monitor reflected from his eyes, TOM: His retinas are 32 bit. >his mouth slightly drooped. MIKE (Droopy): Hello, all you happy people. >"Ur, nothing really. I was just..." CROW (Koushirou): Examining my hard, uh, drive and thinking about defragging you, er, I mean, it! MIKE: Knock it off. They're ten. CROW: Ick! I forgot. Sorry, Mike, I thought this was one of those "pretend they're eighteen" fics. >He quickly pieced together his thoughts. "I was just curious about the >absence of the others..." TOM (Mimi): Oh, them? I dumped the bodies in that ravine. >"Yes," he silently thought, "That sounded rational enough..." MIKE: Well, I think it was Immanuel Kant who said, "It is rational to worry when the Digidestined are late." >Mimi slightly nodded, the aforementioned expression dispersed. TOM: And Mimi returns to her normal blank stare. >"Oh," she began, "Well, maybe we're just early, and the others are on their >way??" CROW (Koushirou): Uh, no, I was thinking they were abducted by Martians. >Koushirou only nodded, a slight sigh escaping him, thankful that his quick >thinking paid off. TOM: Although Mimi is wondering why Captain Smarts couldn't figure out they were early on his own. >Things were silent for the next few minutes. MIKE: Let's stop and enjoy it, shall we? Aaaah.... TOM: Mmmmm.... CROW: Cool, man, real cool.... >It was rather peaceful, Koushirou thought, and he was quite impressed at >Mimi's maturity, which was very rare to see. CROW: Mimi's maturity is shy and nocturnal, but I coaxed it out once with Kitten Chow and bacon grease. >She made no efforts at conversation, there was no girl-talk between herself >and Palmon, and she didn't even ask stupid questions, like she usually did. MIKE: If she makes no effort at conversation, then she can't ask stupid questions, now can she? >However, once the rest of the Digi-Destined had arrived, things returned to >normal. CROW: The Digimon disappeared and they were ordinary kids again. >Mimi resumed her pointless chattering with Sora, Taichi and Yamato >constantly argued, MIKE: I think their arguing is even more pointless than the girls' chatter, but that's just me. >Takeru was quietly watching a caterpillar crawl across his arm, TOM: Until it bit him and he started bawling. >and Jyou just sat and acted innocent. CROW: But deep within Jyou's heart seethes the purest rage. >Once their discussions were over, MIKE: At about nine o'clock that night.... >they got down to business. "Okay," Taichi said aloud, TOM (Taichi): First, go home, Hikari. We need to find the Eighth Child and we don't want you tagging along getting in the way. CROW (Hikari): Awwww! >"Since we covered the East side of town yesterday, I say we check out the >South side today." MIKE: But that's the baddest part of town! CROW: And if we go down there, we better just beware of a man name of Leroy Brown! >Koushirou typed down all of the important facts, TOM: He got a custom Continental AND an Eldorado, too?! >and all of the unanswered questions that arose between them. He didn't have >any interest in their psychobabble, MIKE (German accent): Myotismon is zuffering from eine inferiority complex! >and he certainly didn't want anything to do with any social conversation. CROW: What exactly would asocial conversation consist of? >It was then, however, when Mimi asked the dumbest, most unintelligible >question on the face of the earth. "Same people group up?" TOM: Uh, I understood it. Didn't seem that dumb to me, either. >Koushirou sighed. MIKE: Kid's gonna hyperventilate at this rate. >They had been searching with the same people for the past week. CROW: It was getting really boring. >What made her think that Taichi would make things different? TOM: Well, Taichi might be getting sick of your know-it-all attitude, Koushirou.... >Taichi thought for a brief moment. CROW: That was as long as he could sustain it. >"Naw, we'll pick different teams today!" MIKE (Taichi): I'm picking the Tampa Bay Buccaneers! >Koushirou nearly dropped his laptop. TOM: Good thing he's wearing the tether. >This was definitely a switch in the schedule. Taichi scanned everyone over >briefly, and nodded. MIKE (Taichi): Chicks on my team! >"Alright. Sora, you and I will cover the ship docks, CROW: Yeah, good place to look. Kids are always hanging around the waterfront. >Yamato, you and Takeru can go over the other parks around town, and..." TOM (Yamato): I thought we were getting new groups! I'm tired of dragging Takeru everywhere. >Koushirou sighed. MIKE: Keep it up, you'll need your inhaler! >He knew that he'd probably be pairing with Jyou. He was a fairly decent >person, anyway. CROW: If you don't mind him goosing your butt every ten minutes. >"Jyou, you stay here and cover the restaurants, and..." MIKE (Jyou): Anybody got any Mylanta? I bet I'm going to need it. >Koushirou's face went blank. If Jyou was to remain alone, that would >mean... TOM: Jyou had to work alone AGAIN! CROW: Why doesn't anyone want to go with Jyou?! He's like the Digidestined Maytag repairman. >"Mimi, you and Koushirou..." Koushirou nearly collapsed. MIKE: He nearly collapses, he nearly dropped his computer, this kid can't accomplish anything! >He had the terrible misfortune of searching with Mimi. TOM (Taichi): Mimi, you and Koushirou split up and work opposite sides of the main road. CROW (Koushirou): Oops! I made an ass out of U and me that time! >Could it possibly get any worse? "You and Koushirou check out the Mall." It >got worse. MIKE: Answering the rhetorical question, I like that in a fanfic! >Koushirou wanted to scream. Not only did he have to pair with the snobbiest >girl on the face of the earth, TOM: Martha Stewart? >but they had to explore the most crowded, tourist-packed area of the city. CROW: The Tokyo Museum of Chamber Pots attracts fewer tourists? >The Tokyo Mall was renounced as the largest in the entire country. TOM: We renounce this mall! We hate it! It's horrible! >He was doomed to a day of shopping sprees and giddy laughter from Mimi and >Palmon. CROW: Look on the bright side. Palmon always springs for Cinnabons. >Also, since Tentomon wasn't able to tag along, he had to go it alone, which >was even worse. MIKE: I guess Tentomon had to get his teeth cleaned. >"Surely there must be a mistake!" Koushirou blurted out right after Tai's >decision. CROW (Koushirou): Takeru should go with Jyou! >Mimi turned to Koushirou, a strange look of her face. "What do you mean???" TOM (Mimi): Don't you like my constant whining? >Koushirou didn't exactly know how to reply, since he knew his response >would probably get her either depressed, or angry. CROW: To be fair, that's about all the emotional range Mimi has. >He quietly sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple. TOM: Damn it, Koushirou, stop sighing! You've already expelled enough COČ to raise the Earth's temperature another degree Fahrenheit. >"Nothing...I thought I made a mistake in er...typing the report..." MIKE (Koushirou): And if I don't turn these in in triplicate by tonight, Taichi's going to dock my pay. >He couldn't believe his situation. Taichi happily smiled. "Okay gang, you >know where to go, so go to it!!" TOM: Sounds like the slogan for a toilet manufacturer. >With that, the Digi-Destined set off towards their destinations, Mimi >almost skipping off, and Koushirou quietly sloshing behind. MIKE: Koushirou loves playing in mud puddles. >It wasn't as long of a walk as Koushirou had hoped for. After a few blocks, >they had reached the entrance to the Tokyo Mall. CROW: One of the biggest cities on Earth has just one mall. >Mimi happily burst through the outer doors, and proceeded inside, Koushirou >clutching his laptop like a lifeline. TOM: His laptop is his final answer. >As he expected, there were overwhelming amounts of people inside, MIKE: They're having a sale on bean-filled products. TOM: Mmm, nummy! >and he could barely keep track of Mimi as she dashed off, Palmon in her >arms like a teddy bear. CROW: So he "accidentally" lost track of them, spent the day playing video games, and went home alone and perfectly happy, the end. >They "searched" through every department store, outlet, and food court they >saw, until Koushirou was exhausted. CROW (Palmon): No, the Eighth Child's not in this power socket, let's try the next one! MIKE: Multiple food courts? How many Sbarros does one mall need? TOM: Well, they are serving all of Tokyo through this one mall. I'm betting there's at least twelve Starbuck's. >"Mimi, can we PLEASE take a break?!" TOM (Koushirou): I deserve a break today! >Mimi sighed, setting her mounds of new clothing on a nearby table. CROW (Mimi): Damn you and your sighing! Now I'm doing it! >"Oh, alright. But not long, okay??" MIKE (Mimi): As a matter of fact, it's over ri-i-i-i-ight now! >Koushirou took the opportunity to cross out all of the major areas they had >visited inside. TOM: He figured they could try the minor areas again. >Palmon munched on a hamburger Mimi bought while categorizing her new >outfits. MIKE: Does the rhododendron want fries with that? CROW (Palmon): Let's see how it feels for me to chew on you for a change, Bossy! >It was always the same: Cute, Really Cute, and Drop-Dead Gorgeous. TOM (Mimi): Let's see. Cute, cute, drop-dead gorgeous, really cute, really cute, cute, really cute, drop-dead gorgeous.... >Koushirou detested the thoughts that crept into his head from watching Mimi >in her shopping mood. MIKE: Yeah, you shouldn't enjoy those homicidal urges. >He could just imagine being dragged into some women's clothing boutique, >get tossed next to the room full of mirrors, CROW: The "fitting room"? Is that it? >and watch forcefully as Mimi walked out in thousands of different outfits, >and asking him all the time "Does this look nice??" TOM: You mean, he HASN'T been doing that yet? What's taking Mimi so long? >His eyes flashed open as he regained some sense of reality. Mimi had >finished categorizing, and had now gone to the "trying out" phase. CROW: They're not in a clothing store, yet Mimi is trying on clothes. Guess she went for the five-finger discount. >She grabbed each article of clothing, ran to the restroom, changed, and >walked back out, awaiting the reactions from Palmon. TOM (Palmon): Uh, there's a fitting room right over there, Mimi. You don't have to use the john. >He paid no attention to the first few times she did this, but something >caught his eye around the seventh time around. MIKE (Koushirou): Hey, that dress was inspected by Number 18! That's my favorite inspector! >He heard Palmon saying all these things about "How wonderful she looked in >that outfit" and "How could any guy resist?" CROW: And, "How come nobody in this mall's noticed I'm a talking ficus?" >He slightly turned his eyes in her direction, and he caught sight of a >full-scale magenta dress, MIKE (Magenta): He's lucky. I'm lucky. You're lucky. We're all lucky! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! >designed almost like a wedding gown, complete with pinkish ribbons and >bowties, even magenta dress shoes. TOM: The magenta sneakers are optional. >"Amazing," he thought, "That outfit is... CROW (Koushirou): Really, really pink. >spectacular..." MIKE: Hey, Mimi! You're making a spectacle of yourself! The whole mall's staring at you! >Palmon noticed that Koushirou was looking on, and she couldn't help but >laugh. CROW (Palmon): Ha, ha! Boys have no taste in clothes. >"See?? Even the computer genius can't resist your dress!!" Koushirou >blushed heavily. TOM: Now that he matches the color of her dress, Mimi can use him as an accessory. >"Ur, that isn't what I was looking at, for your information!!" MIKE (Koushirou): I was checking out her bosoms! CROW: "Ur"? Are we in Mesopotamia all of a sudden? >Mimi politely crossed her arms, letting out a slight "Hmph." TOM: I thought it was impolite to "hmph." CROW: Not if you cross your arms first. >"Then what WERE you staring at?" Koushirou had to think fast, or else he >could end up highly embarrassed. MIKE: He's blushing, but he's not embarrassed yet. >"Er...I was staring at...That sign on the wall! It's a computer sale over >at Radio Shack." Palmon sweat-dropped. TOM: Action sweat! CROW: She knows he's lying. Who in this day and age buys a Tandy? >Mimi politely "hmphed" again. "I guess so. C'mon Palmon, let's keep going." >Palmon raised a leafy eyebrow. TOM: Must be a real pain having bald eyes in the fall and winter. >"But what about the other clothes??" Mimi didn't respond, just shrugged. >"Let's go!" MIKE (Salesclerk): Excuse me, young woman, but are you going to pay for the magenta wedding gown? >Everything went slowly for the rest of the day. Koushirou continued to >ponder at what had gotten over him earlier on. TOM (Koushirou): What was I worried about? She only complained half as much as Jyou would have. >He had never looked at her that way before, and he was starting to question >his abilities. MIKE (Koushirou): How do I walk again? Is it one foot in front of the other, or one foot beside the other? >"Maybe she has finally driven me out of my mind...??" He quietly muttered >as he followed them outside. CROW (Koushirou): No, looks like she's driven me out of the mall. >Mimi and Palmon were finished with their investigation, TOM: They think the butler did it. >and decided to take a short-cut through the park again. It was getting dark >out, and the lights that were normally supposed to be on weren't. MIKE: Somebody at Odaiba City Hall forgot to pay the electric bill again. >Mimi and Palmon started to worry. CROW: But not enough to go back to the well-lit road and play it safe. >Koushirou just tagged along, paying no real attention to the emanating >darkness. "Mimi, I'm scared!" TOM: I thought Koushirou wasn't paying attention. >Mimi looked down at her green friend. "Me too..." TOM: Oh, it's Palmon. Sorry! >Koushirou rolled his eyes, throwing his arms skyward. MIKE (Koushirou): Field goal! >"It's just the dark! Don't tell me you're afraid of the dark!" CROW (Koushirou): Help me out here. I can't remember the name of that horror show on Nickelodeon. >Mimi turned back at Koushirou, an evil look on her face. "And you're saying >you aren't?!" TOM (Mimi): And you'll notice I did like you asked and didn't say I'm afraid of the dark.... >Koushirou crossed his arms. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. CROW (Koushirou): I haven't decided yet. >There's nothing to worry about in the dark! MIKE (Mimi): Really? What about that mugger over there? >It doesn't hide anything, and there's nothing to be afraid of! TOM (Mimi): So, you're not afraid of the dark, is that it? >There is a highly improbable chance of--" CROW: Enjoying this fanfic. >Koushirou tripped suddenly over a tree root, and began to tumble. MIKE: This is a bad time to work on your floor routine, Koushirou. >"In-ju-ry!!" TOM (Mimi): You don't have to talk that slowly. I know what "injury" means. >He toppled down a long, sloping ledge, unable to see where he was because >of the aforementioned darkness. CROW (Koushirou): I AM NOT KIROK! >He felt his body grow weightless, which must have meant that he was >falling. MIKE: That, or he had just been shot into orbit. >His sock caught ahold of a tree branch, and he hung, upside down, unable to >see where he was, or how far it was to the bottom. CROW: Wow, he's wearing Socks of Steel! TOM: Bet they don't disappear in the wash. MIKE: Why couldn't he see anything? Was it because of the aforementioned darkness? >Mimi slid down, and stopped close to the edge, panic-stricken. TOM: Tobogganing scares Mimi. >"Koushirou!!! Are you okay?!!" Koushirou could feel pain all over his body. >He had taken quite a tumble. TOM: And the Russian judge was docking points right and left. >"Yes...I think nothing is broken..." MIKE (Koushirou): I can't see, and I'm in intense pain, and I don't know where I am, and I'm hanging by one of my Socks of Steel, but otherwise I'm fine! CROW: Good thing he didn't catch his Underpants of Steel. There's no wedgie like an 18/10 stainless wedgie. >Mimi's night-vision gave her faint outlines of her surroundings. CROW: Her infrared sensors quickly pinpointed Koushirou's location and she picked him up with her built-in winch. >From the sounds, she judged that they were at the top of a waterfall. TOM: Man, where'd they find a waterfall in the middle of town? >Palmon could barely see Koushirou because of the distance down. MIKE: And the aforementioned darkness. TOM: Yes, we mustn't forget the aforementioned darkness. Thank you, Mike. >"I can't see you, Koushirou! I can't pull you up! MIKE (Palmon): I can't ride a bike or tie my shoes, either! >I need a flashlight!" CROW (Koushirou): Forget the flashlight, just give me your tendrils! I'm the near vicinity of my voice! TOM: You got to explain everything to Palmon. >Koushirou numbly felt around his backpack. MIKE: Upside down? Wouldn't all the stuff inside fall out? >"I...I think I have one." TOM (Koushirou): No...no, I don't. Will a used Kleenex work? >Mimi grabbed a sturdy tree root, and started to climb down. CROW: Sturdy tree roots stick out of the ground? >"I'll get him Palmon!" Palmon barely had time to protest when the >supposedly sturdy tree root gave way, CROW: Wow, the fanfic agreed with me! TOM: Palmon's cranky 'cause she wanted to be the one to fall on her duff. >causing Mimi to fall over the edge, screaming like a banshee. MIKE, TOM, and CROW (The Knack): M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my Llorona! >She crashed into Koushirou, MIKE: Who faked whiplash to collect from her insurance. >and the weight of both of these Digi-Destined broke the grip Koushirou's >sock had on the branch. TOM: I would have thought the tensile strength of a Sock of Steel could accommodate all eight Digidestined. >"Mimi!!!!!!! Koushirou!!!!!!!!!" Palmon screamed as they plummeted out of >sight. CROW (Palmon): Oh, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can only talk if I add a ton of exclamation points to the end of my sentences!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >The next thing that Koushirou heard was the sound of falling water, then a >powerful splash...Then silence. MIKE: Wow. I think Koushirou just died. >When he awoke, he found himself on the shore of a small stream. TOM: And a guy named Charon told him it would cost one drachma to cross the river. >He glanced to his side and saw Mimi, drenched, coughing up water, holding >her soaked shopping bags close to her. MIKE: Hey, it was too dark to see a moment ago! What happened to the aforementioned darkness? CROW: Would you shut up about the aforementioned darkness?! MIKE: Okay, okay! Geez.... >Koushirou felt for his backpack, but didn't find it. He was heavily >relieved when he saw it hanging from a tree branch, untouched. CROW: It's like a hall tree, only it's...not in a hall. >Someone was definitely watching over him, he thought. TOM: Yeah. Palmon. MIKE (Palmon): Don't fret, I'm on my way down to rescue you! >He slid to his knees, and checked for any broken bones, finding none. CROW: Ruptured organs, however.... MIKE (Palmon): Hang on, I'll be right there! >He glanced at Mimi, who was crying heavily. TOM (Koushirou): Well, Mimi's okay.... MIKE (Palmon): Palmon's comin'! Everything will be all right! >"Mimi...Are you alright??" Koushirou couldn't talk very well, since he was >very winded from such a fall. MIKE: He's so utterly discombobulated that he's unable to manifest any of his verbose declarations. >"Does it look like I'm alright?!!" Mimi screamed out through pouted lips. MIKE (Mimi): I landed on my mouth and it swelled up and now I look like Mick Jagger! >Koushirou examined her closely. CROW (Mimi): Very funny. Put away the electron microscope, technonerd! >The clothes she were wearing were torn slightly, and her other clothes were >drenched in river water and mud. TOM: Is it me, or does every Mimi fic we get involve her falling in the mud at some point? MIKE: That does seem to happen a lot to her. >She had no physical cuts or bruises, so she wasn't hurt. CROW: She had a lot of mental cuts and bruises, though. >"Yes, you look okay to me." Koushirou said after much thought. TOM (Koushirou): But we won't know until your ScanDisk finishes running. >Mimi turned her head slightly. "My clothes are ruined, I'm surrounded in >darkness, I'm lost, and I'm scared!!" MIKE (Koushirou): At least your Digimon came with you on this little jaunt! Mine took a raincheck. CROW (Mimi): Who, Palmon? You see her around here anywhere? >Mimi's wailing never ceased, even after Koushirou managed to pull his >backpack from the aforesaid tree branch. TOM: You'd think she'd be happy he found his backpack. >He couldn't take any more of it. MIKE: So he asked for a doggie bag. >"Could you stop crying, please?!" Koushirou was having a hard time >concentrating on an SOS message with Mimi's bawling. CROW (Koushirou): SSO? OSS? SSS? OOO? We're dead. >"No!!! I want out of this place!! I want to go home!!" MIKE: He SAID "please." Couldn't you humor him a little? >Koushirou sighed. TOM (Mimi): And stop sighing. It's getting on my nerves! >He was being way too harsh on her. CROW: His polite request for silence was soooo cruel. >Even though he physically felt like hell, he walked over to her, and with >his best intentions, hugged her gently. TOM (Mimi): Don't hug me, Koushirou. You're smearing your blood all over me and it's never going to come out of this dress. >Mimi was taken aback by his sudden show of affection, and slid away. "What >are you doing?!" MIKE (Mimi): You got to know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to.... TOM and CROW: MIKE! MIKE: Aah! Thanks. Sorry about that. >Koushirou raised a mudded eyebrow. "I am...I mean to say, I was trying to >comfort you..." CROW (Koushirou): But since you threw it back in my face, forget it! >Mimi laughed. "You...? Comforting somebody?? You must be joking!!" TOM (Koushirou): Well, you're laughing, aren't you? >Koushirou felt something in his chest start to crack, but he paid no >attention to it. Probably a rib. CROW (Koushirou): Yeah, I'm going to be in a full body cast by the time this is over, but enough about me! Let's hear about how put upon you are, Mimi. >"What do you mean??" Mimi wiped her eyes, laughing almost mockingly. MIKE (Robin Williams): We're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you. >"You don't have any emotions! You're too wrapped up in that computer junk!" CROW: What happened? When did we switch fics to a Bones/Spock slash? >Koushirou got angry at that remark. "It is not junk!!" TOM (Koushirou): It's useless, but it's not junk! >Mimi just stared. "Hmph. You don't have a social life, Koushirou, you just >spend all day staring at that monitor!! You didn't even look at my dress!!" MIKE: Mimi stares very loudly, don't you think? >Koushirou felt hurt. Nobody had ever put him down like that before. CROW: Sure, lots of people insinuated he hadn't looked at their clothes, but none had said it out loud before. >He felt that something in his chest crack more, almost to the point of >breaking. TOM: He has a fractured lung. >"You have no life, Koushirou!!" With that, Mimi turned in the other >direction, arms crossed. CROW (Mimi): You should spend every day looking at dresses, like I do! >It broke. MIKE: And the warrantee ran out yesterday, too. >Koushirou could feel his eyes burn from the hot tears that were rising >forth. MIKE: He has hot and cold running body fluids. >"I...I did look at your dress..." TOM (Koushirou): One dress. I kind of ignored the others. >Koushirou's voice began to sound queasy, as if he were badly sick. CROW (Mimi): If the dress was so bad it's going to make you cough up, we can talk about something else. >He had never felt this bad before. MIKE: Not even when he had chicken pox and the flu at the same time. >Mimi slightly looked back. TOM: But mostly looked forward. >"...You did??" Her tone was soft, almost sympathetic. CROW: Almost only counts in horseshoes. Forget the damn dress and stop hurting his feelings. >Koushirou quietly nodded, the tears running down his dirtied face. MIKE (Koushirou): It was horrible! That dress will give me nightmares for months! >"Yes...You looked...You looked like a princess." CROW (Koushirou): Princess Anne. TOM: Wow. Now that's a put-down! >Mimi's mouth hung open slightly. TOM: The trademark Mimi "duh." >She didn't know Koushirou had such a way with words. MIKE: "You looked like a princess" is that original? Well, move over, Tennyson! >"...I did??" He nodded again, trying to hide his face from hers. CROW: 'Cause if he looked her in the eye, this lie would make him burst out laughing. >"Yes...you looked beautiful..." TOM (Koushirou): But the dress was God-awful. Good thing you didn't buy it. >Mimi felt terrible for what she had said earlier. She was speechless, now. MIKE: But she's a good ex tempore speaker, so it's all right. >She listened to the gentle flow of the water, CROW: And fell asleep. >and she crawled to Koushirou, returning the hug he had given her earlier. TOM (Mimi): Thanks, but it doesn't fit. Got a hug in a larger size? >"I'm sorry, Koushirou..." MIKE (Mimi): If it makes you feel any better, I haven't looked at what you're wearing, either. >Koushirou slowly raised his head, turning to Mimi. CROW (Koushirou): Do you think I'd look good in that dress? >"It's alright...I knew that someone would tell me this straight out sooner >or later...That I'm heartless." TOM: That cracking earlier? It was his chest imploding into the vacuum. >Mimi hugged him tighter. "No you aren't. If you were heartless, you >wouldn't be crying..." MIKE (Mimi): You wouldn't be breathing, either. >Koushirou sighed. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Again. >"I...I'm glad you were the one to tell me..." CROW (Koushirou): I love it when you put me down. >Koushirou glanced quietly into Mimi's beautiful eyes, a smile slowly >crossing his face. TOM (Koushirou): I can't believe you're buying this load of horse-hockey! I don't care a whiz about your dress. >He could feel things clicking into place, as if it were meant to happen >this way for the two of them. CROW: They go shopping when they've got work to do, fall in Downtown Tokyo Gulch, lose track of Palmon, and argue pointlessly about a dress Mimi may or may not have bought. Now, that's kismet! >Powers beyond his control pushed him closer to her, until his lips pressed >firmly against hers for the first time. MIKE: The kiss is out there. TOM: Trust no one. >Mimi's arms, as if they had a mind of their own, slid around Koushirou, >pulling him into a powerful embrace. CROW: Now all kinds of things in his chest are cracking. >Surprisingly, Mimi was the first to pull away, but it took her quite a bit >of willpower to do so. TOM: And a lot of strength. For a nerd, Koushirou has a strong grip. CROW: She could probably have used a me-bar. >She found herself strangely attracted to Koushirou. The mysterious way he >smiled. MIKE: Uh, that's gas, Mimi.... >The surprisingly cute way he would get mad at someone. CROW: And the adorable way he could hold a vendetta. >The attractive curves of his lips... TOM: A previous fic had an anime character with a nose, now this one has an anime character with lips.... CROW: We're seeing a lot of unusual body parts for Japanimation today. MIKE: Yeah, there's a few other body parts I could have done without.... >"Koushirou...Should we be doing this...?" TOM (Koushirou): No, we shouldn't. Thanks for reminding me. I'll stop. >She didn't exactly want an answer, but she couldn't think of anything else >to say to him. MIKE: They had already covered her wardrobe, and that's about the only topic of conversation Mimi's well versed in. >"One should do what they believe is right..." he quietly whispered as he >kissed her again. CROW: Love poetry by Thomas Jefferson. TOM: No wonder he only got to do it with slaves. >She found that he was exactly right, and that she couldn't, and wouldn't >pull away this time. MIKE (Koushirou): Ease up, you're bruising my mouth! >Koushirou played his digits softly across her back, TOM: Play, magic fingers! >his probing tongue pressing past Mimi's lips, and tentatively exploring her >tender mouth. MIKE: Careful with that tongue. There's a tribe of hostile Ubangis living behind her tonsils. >Mimi sucked playfully on his tongue, pressing her body as close to him as >possible, her hands finding their way underneath his shirt. CROW: Her hands didn't have to stop for directions or anything. >Koushirou felt light shivers as Mimi's slightly cold, and wet gloves >explored his bare back. MIKE: She wants to feel his skin, but she keeps her gloves on? >He found it surprisingly arousing, CROW: That is surprising. Damp gloves are not a turn-on. >and felt a small moan escape from his throat. TOM: It couldn't get out earlier because all those sighs were in the way. >Koushirou pulled away slightly, and helped her in removing his damp shirt, >before he plundered the hollow of her neck. MIKE: He's clear-cutting her epiglottis. >He loved the sweet taste of her soft skin, CROW: Mud mixed with sweat. There's a gourmet experience. >and savored every touch felt, every word said, even though words were very >sparse. TOM: Okay, we've waited long enough. Where the hell is Palmon? CROW: Yeah, she could have rescued them, bandaged their scrapes, dried them off, taken them home, read them a story, got them a drink of water, kissed them good-night, and put them to bed by now. >Taking things one step further, Koushirou gently unbuttoned the back of >Mimi's blouse, CROW (Koushirou): Thanks for not wearing the magenta dress home. I wouldn't know which ribbon to pull first. >and, mustering all of the grace he had, removed it from her body, exposing >her wet chest, and her silky white bra. TOM: Then he dropped the blouse in the mud and got chewed out. >The body heat they were generating caused their clothes to dry rapidly, >even though sweat had begun to accumulate on their bodies. MIKE: So they're dry, but they're still wet. Thank you, fanfic. >Mimi felt her chest heave against Koushirou's, CROW (Koushirou): Careful! I felt something break in there earlier. >the scent of her arousal sifting into Koushirou's nostrils. He had never >smelt such a thing before, but it was very sweet, almost bitter sweet to >him. MIKE: Her scent needs salt, if you ask me. >The sound of the stream evaporated to nothingness before them. TOM: Which means we'll hear Palmon calling for them any minute now. >Koushirou slipped his hands, slowly, around her back, and undid her bra >with utmost expertise. CROW: Oh, so unclasping bras is what they teach in those Microsoft Certification classes! MIKE: It explains the price. >Mimi slowly smiled, her eyes closed, her mouth hanging open, TOM: She looks like she's waiting for him to pop a chocolate in her mouth. >emitting light sounds of pleasure as a light blush spread across her entire >body. MIKE: You're listening to K-MIMI, the Lite FM. >"Koushirou...You act like you have done this before..." CROW (Mimi): But you're so bad at it, I can tell you haven't. >Koushirou chuckled lowly, placing a firm kiss against Mimi's lips. "I have >not... TOM (Koushirou): The stomach for this. >but, it is something I could become used to..." MIKE (Koushirou): I get the feeling a sexual relationship with you would be very monotonous. >So said, Koushirou lowered his lips to her exposed breasts, and explored >with great patience. TOM: If Patience is so great, why is he mucking around with Mimi? MIKE: "Great patience" meaning he's really not interested in her breasts. >This was his first time, and he wanted to savor every moment, slowly... CROW: If he dawdles long enough, one of them might actually hit puberty before they have sex. >Each tender caress Koushirou made caused an equally powerful reaction from >Mimi. MIKE (Mimi): Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't! >The pitch in her voice was growing higher, TOM: And since Mimi speaks at three octaves above high C, only dogs can hear her now. >and she began to moan almost uncontrollably. CROW: But she can control it if she REALLY wants to. >Koushirou pressed his lips against her firm nipple, and suckled gently. MIKE: Ick, he's drinking breast milk! TOM and CROW: Eeeeeeeeeeewww! >Mimi's eyes squeezed shut, her body shrouded in a sea of pleasure, TOM: Her metaphors are mixed like a Tom Collins. >her hands pressing down on Koushirou's shoulders. CROW: Sliding down the slope to the ground. >He trailed his lips carefully down her tight stomach, making mental notes >of each reaction from Mimi as he crept lower and lower. MIKE: Guess there's going to be a test on this later. CROW: Did you think this sex scene was A) icky, B) nauseating, C) gross, D) disgusting, or E) all of the above? TOM (Horschach): Oh, oh! Mr. Kotter! >With delicate precision, Koushirou removed Mimi's skirt, along with her >pink, silken-laced panties. TOM: But her bra was white! Don't tell me Little Miss Fashion Conscious doesn't wear matching undergarments. >The scent he had smelt earlier was stronger here, and it seemed to be >focused on one area in particular. MIKE: But Koushirou lost interest when he saw Mimi had pink pubic hair. >Koushirou examined the mound of fur between Mimi's legs. CROW (Koushirou): Fur is dead, Mimi! >Of course, he had read up on the female anatomy before, but he had never >been this close before. TOM: And it looked nothing like the cutaways in "Gray's Anatomy." >He ran his fingertips along Mimi's slit, as gently as possible, as to >prevent pain, if any. The results were far from his conclusions. MIKE: This is actually pretty good writing. It's so incomprehensible you'd swear Koushirou himself wrote it. >Mimi gasped as she felt Koushirou's fingertips slip inside of her. >Koushirou was startled, and looked up at her. TOM (Koushirou): Hey, I do all the sighing in this fic! >"Am I hurting you...?" Mimi shook her head, her eyes almost welded shut. CROW (Koushirou): Do you want me to? >"No...K..Keep going." Koushirou nodded. MIKE (Koushirou): Mental note - don't hurt Mimi. >She would know more about herself than he did. What better way than to be >guided by her? TOM: Especially since he lost the owner's manual. >Koushirou went a little deeper each time, his fingertips exploring the >tightness of her virginity. TOM (Koushirou): What is this? You have tamper-evident genitals? >With each delicate stroke, he could feel Mimi's heart jump a little higher. CROW: Until it shot out the top of her head. >He kept going, until her virginity prevented him from going any deeper. MIKE (Koushirou): We hit bedrock! >Mimi whimpered at the wonderful pressure Koushirou was applying, in all the >right places. Strangely, however, Koushirou stopped completely. TOM: What's so strange? The only reaction he's getting is chipmunk noises. >Mimi's eyes flew open, and she stared down at him, a disappointed look on >her face. MIKE (Mimi): Was that it? I thought whoopie was a little more involved. >"Wha...?" She had no time to say anything else, for she lost all of her >breath with Koushirou slid his hot tongue into her delicate folds. CROW: "Her delicate folds?" MIKE: Hey, origami got worked into the fic! Now, that's the touch that makes it really Japanese sounding. >Koushirou pressed his lips firmly against her mound, CROW: And her almond joy. >and took his time in exploring every centimeter of Mimi's insides. TOM: Man, I hate trying to convert sex into metric. MIKE (Koushirou): Mmm, chitlins! >A questioning look appeared in his eyes when he felt a small, fleshy pearl >near her entrance. MIKE: Mimi on the half shell. CROW: It isn't cultured, that's for damn sure. TOM: Heh! Pearl before swine. >His question was answered when Mimi gasped, and moaned loudly, sifting her >hands through Koushirou's hair almost painfully. MIKE: "Almost" this, "nearly" that. Make a commitment, fanfic! >He kept up the stimulation, prodding her clit with the tip of his tongue, >each additional amount of friction driving Mimi completely crazy. TOM: She's completely crazy. CROW: Prod! TOM: No, wait, now she's completely crazy. CROW: Prod! TOM: Okay, NOW she's.... MIKE: You guys! >She screamed loudly, as if she were in great pain, catching Koushirou >completely off-guard. MIKE (Koushirou): Aaah! I'm deaf! >This was quite the opposite of pain, he had discovered, when he became >overwhelmed by her vaginal juices, flooding into his steaming mouth. CROW: Koushirou's boiling over. Better turn his mouth down to simmer. TOM: I've heard of flash flood warnings in canyons, but this is ridiculous! >He drank loyally, and slowly pulled away, traces of Mimi's love across his >lips. MIKE: Would somebody please give him a napkin? >Staring at her naked body, her wonderful breasts, the extreme look of >pleasure in her eyes as she attempted to regain her breath, CROW: Her vacant expression, her pink coif.... >gave him a very painful erection, and he grimaced as he felt the fabric of >his boxers press madly against his crotch. TOM: Good thing he didn't hamburglar. CROW: Silly me. I'd have thought his erection would be pressing against his boxers, not the other way around. >The next thing he felt were Mimi's hands, and he trembled as he felt her >fingers glide into his shorts, undoing the buckle, and sliding them down. CROW: The buckle is inside his shorts? MIKE: Man, Koushirou, I figured you were smart enough to put your clothes on right side out. >Mimi looked into Koushirou's eyes with such a look of want, need, and >desire, that he practically knew what she would say next. TOM (Mimi): I want, need, and desire you off of me! >She pulled him atop of her body as she undid the last button on his boxers. CROW: Girl can multitask. Most people can't do all that with just two hands. >No more barriers between them, now. MIKE: They had a free trade agreement. >"I want it all, Koushirou..." she whispered into his ear, TOM (Mimi): The money, the cars, the villa in the south of France.... >adding a slight flick with her tongue, causing him to shiver. CROW: He was afraid her tongue might touch him. >She guided him inside of her, and Koushirou lightly gasped as he felt her >vaginal walls tighten around the full length of his burning erection. MIKE: Funny way to break the fire triangle, sticking a burning object in your privates like that. >Instinctively, he began to slowly thrust, buck, and pump into her, CROW: Top off her tank, then check her oil and transmission fluid.... >their bodies continually colliding against one another. MIKE: Bumper car sex. TOM: Particle physics sex. >Koushirou could feel himself being pulled into a rampaging river of >emotions, a powerful wave of pleasure engulfing him repeatedly. CROW: Thinking about all that water made him need to go pee. >If he wasn't sweating earlier, he was definitely sweating now. TOM: We will return in a moment to tell you exactly when Koushirou started sweating. >Mimi's hands gripped around his waist, and lost her breath each time his >hips bucked against hers. CROW: Mimi's hands finally took a deep breath and held it. >Koushirou had never felt such a powerful feeling before. MIKE: At least, not since he saw "Hudson Hawk" and threw up for three days straight. >It was beyond explanation, beyond anything he could think of. TOM: It was beyond disturbing. MIKE: It was beyond revolting. >The increasing friction, the swelling pressure, the uncontrollable feeling >between them became so fierce, so pleasurable that Koushirou couldn't see >straight. CROW: If he can't see straight, does that mean sex with Mimi just turned him gay? >"M...Mimi...What is this...Fee-ling..." he said between grunts. MIKE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, feeeee-lings! TOM and CROW: Oh, God.... >Mimi could barely reply, herself. "Our bodies are...Becoming one... CROW: So this is what happens during pon farr. Fascinating. >Kou...Shi--" Her hips bucked against his, and she screamed loudly as she >reached orgasm, pulling Koushirou along for the ride. TOM (Mimi): -Rou! MIKE: Koushirou isn't tall enough to go on this ride. >Koushirou's entire body tightened as he was engulfed with tidal waves of >orgasmic pleasure. CROW: Then he capsized and Ernest Borgnine climbed his Christmas tree. >In the end, they were both nearly awake, MIKE: They slept through the sex? TOM: You didn't? CROW: Zzzzzzzz.... >their arms thrown around each other, sweat dripping from Koushirou's body >to Mimi's. TOM (Mimi): Get off, you're getting me all wet! >The sounds of chirping birds were the first thing that Koushirou heard the >next morning. CROW: I'm hoping those sounds are chirps and not squirts. MIKE (Koushirou): Oh, God. My parents must be worried sick! Better let them know I'm okay. >He was still unclothed, but Mimi was no longer there. TOM: But Palmon had finally dragged her sorry butt down the cliff and was standing there glaring at him. MIKE (Koushirou): "Dear Mom and Dad, last night I fell in a drainage ditch and had sex with a girl I met yesterday at summer camp." Maybe I should ease into it.... >Koushirou slowly looked about. "Mimi?" CROW (Koushirou): Thank God, I'm free! Now I just have to block my memory of last night. >He slipped on his clothes, and checked again. "Mimi? Where are you??" MIKE (Koushirou): I'm decent now, you can come out! >Koushirou walked to the stream, and splashed water onto his face. it was >then that he noticed the marking on his forehead. CROW (Koushirou): Great. First I lose my virginity to a mallrat, now I'm the Anti-Christ. >The word "Backpack" was written backwards, so as to look right in the >reflection. MIKE: Imagine how embarassing it would be to skip washing your face and walk around all day with "Backpack" spelled backwards on your forehead. TOM: You'd get taken away in an ECNALUBMA if you did. >He grabbed his backpack, and noticed a small note left in the pocket. CROW: That was an easy scavenger hunt. >Koushirou, TOM: My parents usually ground me for two weeks when I sleep around, so I'll see you in a fortnight. >Thank you for such a wonderful night. MIKE: What a great idea, knocking us both off a cliff into a creek. >Let's keep this our little secret, okay? TOM: 'Cause my reputation won't survive losing it to the school geek. >I'll see you at the meeting spot, Mr. Computer Genius. CROW: And I'll fill you in on why I didn't wake you up so we could walk together. >Love, >Mimi Tachikawa MIKE: Um, "Tachikawa Mimi." Got that backwards. >PS: Who's late now? =P CROW: Oh, God, SHE'S PREGNANT! TOM: And she's only TEN YEARS OLD! Why did you do this to us, fanfic? >Koushirou sighed, and laughed to himself as he gathered his things. MIKE (Koushirou): Hey, Mimi ran off with my Socks of Steel! >He stared at his laptop for a brief moment, and zipped it inside his >backpack. "I think I'll put it away, today..." TOM (Red Hot Chili Peppers): Put it away, put it away, put it away, now! >End. CROW: Good. >Hurray! Lemon No. 3 is done! What'd you think?? MIKE: I thought long life was overrated if you don't have happiness. This, for instance, made me ready to die young. TOM: I thought how lucky I was not to have seen Lemon No. 1 or 2. CROW: I switched my CPU off to survive, so I didn't actually do any thinking during this fic. >Kojiro Arigatou!! MIKE: Michael J. Nelson!! TOM: Tom Servo!! CROW: Crow T. Robot!! (MIKE, TOM, and CROW exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living quarters. GYPSY is waiting as MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter.) GYPSY: How was the fanfic, guys? MIKE: Pretty odd. Palmon was in it right up until Mimi and Koushirou rolled down the hill into the aforementioned.... CROW: Mike! MIKE: Sorry. Anyway, it was like Palmon dropped off the face of the Earth at that point. TOM: Funny you should mention that. (Doorbell rings.) Oh, that'll be for me. C'mon in, it's open! (TACHIKAWA MIMI and TENTOMON enter.) TACHIKAWA MIMI: Hi! We're here about the lost plant? TOM: Yep, it's on the observation deck, photosynthesizing. I'll go fetch! (Exit.) MIKE: Palmon's here?! CROW: Sure, Mike. Didn't you see us putting up posters? MIKE: No. GYPSY: That's probably because we didn't. Tom phoned Mimi's house. MIMI: I'm so glad you found Palmon! Koushirou and Tentomon and I looked everywhere. TENTOMON: I can't wait to find out how she got here. MIKE: Me, too. CROW: Is Koushirou with you? TENTOMON: Of course, we go everywhere together! Except the day Palmon wandered off, that day I had to drive the Bookmobile. MIMI: Like Tentomon said, he's right with us. Or he was...excuse me a minute. (Moves out of the shot.) There you are! Come in and meet Palmon's rescuers. (Pause.) No, they won't bite you! Seriously. Come on. (MIMI re-enters leading IZUMI KOUSHIROU. He stares in horror at GYPSY and CROW.) MIMI: See? Nice robots. TENTOMON: What's the matter? MIMI: Koushirou-kun thinks the robots are going to bite him. IZUMI KOUSHIROU (Softly): Well, that's what I would program a robot to do. Especially ones with such big mouths.... MIKE: It'll be okay. These robots don't bite. CROW: Much. (Laughs wickedly. MIKE gives him a dirty look. TENTOMON beats his wings faster.) TENTOMON: How would you like to be electro-shocked? CROW: Um, I don't know. I wouldn't? TENTOMON: You will if you keep scaring Koushirou. GYPSY: I won't bite him, although he is so cute I could just eat him up! KOUSHIROU: (Whimpers.) MIKE: You'll be fine. Gypsy likes you and she wouldn't hurt you. Crow likes you and...maybe you should stand over here by me. (KOUSHIROU, with TENTOMON buzzing prtectively overhead, sidles past CROW and GYPSY to stand by MIKE. At this point PALMON enters, followed by TOM.) PALMON: Mimi, you're okay! MIMI: Palmon! Oh, I've missed you! (They hug.) PALMON: I missed you, too, Mimi. MIMI: Where have you been? PALMON: Here. I tried to rescue you, but I got lost. KOUSHIROU: Excuse my asking, but how did you get from Tokyo to low Earth orbit? PALMON: Remember those Socks of Steel Mimi got because you talked about how much you liked them? KOUSHIROU: Yes. They're good quality socks. It's the only kind I wear. MIMI: I'm wearing them now! (Shows off her socks. GYPSY is impressed and makes appreciative noises.) PALMON: I tied your new socks together, Mimi, and I used them as a bungee cord. I was going to bounce on them until I slowed down and could hop to the ground, but I accidentally let go on the first rebound and wound up here. GYPSY: At first, when I heard a voice from outside say, "Open the pod bay doors!" I thought Mike was joking around. Turned out we had a visitor. MIMI: Thank you for saving her! Oh, Palmon, I'm so glad you're safe. MIKE: I didn't think socks were strong enough to use as a launch vehicle. KOUSHIROU: The tensile strength of Socks of Steel is very high. Conceivably, whole trees could be lofted into orbit with a Socks of Steel slingshot, not just houseplants like Palmon. MIKE: Oh. Thanks, Koushirou. Is there anything else? KOUSHIROU (Noticing TOM): Can I have a gumball? TOM: Sorry, kid, fresh out. KOUSHIROU: AAAAH! IT'S ALIVE! HEEEEELP! TENTOMON: I'll save you! Electro-shocker! (Zaps TOM.) TOM: AAAAAAAHHH! Hey, that felt good. Do it again. TENTOMON: Eh? Electro-shocker! (Zaps TOM.) TOM: Man, that feels GREAT! My batteries are supercharged now. Crow, you try! CROW: Ummm.... GYPSY: I'm game! TENTOMON: Er, Koushirou? KOUSHIROU: Get them all! Keep them away from me! Wa-a-a-a-a-ah! (Starts to cry.) MIKE: I'll calm him down. The 'bots seem to want it, so go ahead, Tentomon. It's okay, Koushirou.... (MIKE, MIMI, and PALMON hug KOUSHIROU and pat his back.) TENTOMON: Okay. Electro-shocker! (Zaps GYPSY.) GYPSY: OOOOH! That tingles! MIMI: There, there.... CROW: Oh, all right, I'll try. TENTOMON: Electro-shocker! (Zaps CROW.) CROW: Wow, that does feel good! PALMON: Let it all out, Koushirou. KOUSHIROU: WA-A-A-A-AH! MIKE: Cambot, would you please throw to the Mads while Koushirou calms down? (Onscreen: DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK.) FRANK: That's mean. They made the little boy cry. FORRESTER: Yes, they should have given us a chance first. FRANK: No, that's uncalled for. He's a nice kid. It's cruel to make him cry. FORRESTER: So let's make them cry. Send "Getting a Charge Out of Elecmon" by Togashi Tsuke. FRANK: Yeah, this'll make 'em bawl like Oprah Winfrey! Take that, Little-Boy-Cry-Makers! FORRESTER: Frank, you're an idiot. FRANK: I know. (Back on the Satellite of Love, KOUSHIROU has stopped crying, and he, MIMI, PALMON, and TENTOMON are leaving.) MIMI: Good-bye! Thanks for taking care of Palmon! PALMON: Good-bye! Thanks for the lovely sunshine! TENTOMON: Good-bye! Thanks for the target practice! KOUSHIROU: Good-bye. GYPSY: Take care now! CROW: Don't do anything I wouldn't do! TOM: Thanks for the recharge! MIKE: Bye-bye! (KOUSHIROU, MIMI, PALMON, and TENTOMON exit. MIKE turns and glares at CROW.) "Much?" CROW: I hate it when company leaves. (Lights flash and horns blare.) And I hate that, too. MIKE: Oh, our little talk will have to wait. FANFIC SIGN!