MST3K Digimon Lemonade Too! By James Reinbold Chapter 1: A Tale of a Sister's Bitterness by Jade Diamond Chapter 2: Anti-Me: Sound and Sweat by Pretty Pretty Princess Chapter 3: Our Rainfall by DigistarDBZ Chapter 4: It's All My Fault by Goldstar44 Chapter 5: Through Sickness and Health by Angeteen Chapter 6: Terriermon's Unusual Day by Gabumatic Chapter 7: by Chapter 8: by Chapter 9: by Chapter 10: by (Doors open into the theater, where the next fanfic is already downloading. MIKE, TOM, and CROW enter and sit down.) >This story is for adults, enough said. MIKE: Stan "The Man" Lee wrote a Digimon lemon?! >The events take place in season 2 - Goldstar44. TOM: Teacher's pet. CROW: I don't care how neat your penmanship is, no one deserves forty-four gold stars. MIKE: I bet he always volunteers to clean the blackboards, too. >It’s All My Fault: MIKE: Well, then you have to clean it up! >The new digi destined team has had enough of Ken’s evil rule. TOM: So they're moving to Jersey. >He needs to be stopped and fast. CROW: Have they tried Alka-Seltzer for FAST FAST FAST relief? >A team effort was set up to locate his base. MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Yay team! >The first groups came up empty handed, MIKE: They did find some really neat picnic spots, though. >Izzy and Cody however located it among hundreds of control spires. TOM: It was like looking for a needle in a control spire stack. >They barely managed to escape too. CROW: They had trouble getting away from a bunch of obelisks? >This is it; CROW (Huey Lewis): Please let me know! >it’s time for D-Day. MIKE: Grab your K-rations, kids, we're invading Normandy today! CROW: Hooray! TOM: Goodie, goodie! >The new team were going to the digital world and not coming back until his base was destroyed. CROW: They're going to set Ken up the bomb! >The older ones covered up for them by going on a camping trip. MIKE: Some of the older kids did. Joe and the girls laid around. >Everyone could only wonder why Yolei was acting strange that day. TOM: Relative to her normal strangeness. This is the girl who wears half a basketball for a hat. >They set off and headed for the canyon. MIKE, TOM, and CROW (The Mamas and the Papas): Young girls are coming to the canyon! >Yolei was still acting crazy, like she was indomitable. MIKE: She's probably just mad about losing the spelling bee. >She even slid down a whole mountain. TOM: That'll leave sand in the undies. CROW (Beck): I'm a luger, baby, so why don't you kill me? >When the team got there the base was gone. CROW: It had a pH of seven. >Cody: ‘’I don’t get it, his base was right here.’’ MIKE: Check it out, guys, we got the funkiest quotation marks EVER! TOM: Yeah! CROW: Whoo! >Davis: ‘‘were you drunk or something when you were here before? TOM (Cody): Well, Izzy did bring his hip flask, but I only had a drop! >You can’t move something that heavy within one day!’’ CROW: Unless you're Lance Burton. >Cody: ‘’I know what I saw, and so did Izzy!’’ MIKE (Cody): Izzy'll tell ya! He was the designated driver! >Yolei automatically assumed it floated in the air, and blamed Tentomon for not watching. TOM (Tentomon): I'm sorry. Izzy knows Jagermeister's my favorite, so I was pretty blitzed myself.... >Kari: ‘’Yolei what’s gotten into you? Tentomon did his best and all you can do is yell at him?’’ CROW (Kari): Yell at him for yodeling all the time, like the rest of us. >Yolei: ‘‘well if anything he should have tried HARDER!’’ MIKE (Tentomon): Hey, don't give me any grief. I've got eight times as many eyes as you. >Davis: ‘’That does it, she finally went insane.’’ CROW (Davis): I win the pool! >T.K.: ‘‘forget insane, she’s more of some deranged psycho if you ask me.’’ TOM: Technically, that's still insane. Piling on adjectives makes no difference. >Cody: ‘’Girls can be girls, can’t live with them, can’t stand them.’’ MIKE: Cody reads a lot of Mother Goose and Grimm. >As if it wasn’t bad enough, she started to enter the underground. CROW (Yolei): Hey, look! Ken's base is on the subway line! >Hawkmon tried to get her to be more focused on what was at hand. TOM (Hawkmon): I'm going to try an f-stop of 8. >Then out of nowhere, a spider digimon appeared. MIKE: Spider-mon! Spider-mon! Crazy villain Dokugomon! Spins her web In the way She's the Monster of the Day! Look out! This is Dokugomon! >Hawkmon pushed Yolei out of the way, and took a direct hit from poison thread. TOM: That'll teach him to cut in line. >Yolei was hysterical; Hawkmon wasn’t moving or talking. MIKE: I'd be laughing, too, if I didn't have to listen to his phony Brit accent anymore. >Veemon armor digivolved to Flamedramon and destroyed the black spiral on it. CROW (Flamedramon): Didn't your mommy teach you how to wipe? >Without saying a word the creature ran off, some gratitude! TOM: That, or Dokugomon doesn't have insurance. >The team did their best to help Hawkmon too bad Joe wasn’t there. MIKE: But as previously mentioned, Joe was useless this trip. CROW: Wow. Sounds like Hawkmon bought the farm. TOM: Not that it matters much. Davis and V-mon were the only ones who got to do anything this season. >Yolei was a nervous wreck. She and Kari stayed behind and the others went ahead. MIKE (Kari): Why do I always have to babysit the crazies? >Gatomon ran off to find something to help Hawkmon. TOM: Like a funeral parlor. >Kari: ‘’Yolei relax, it’s not your fault.’’ MIKE (Kari): You only ran towards danger and got your Digimon killed. No biggie. >Yolei: ‘‘yes it is, I was acting so stubborn and now Hawkmon gets injured because of my actions.’’ CROW: Then why don't you perform CPR on him instead of standing there whining? >She continued to cry like it was the end of the world. MIKE: Listen, I can hear REM. And I feel fine! >Kari was doing her best to restore Yolei’s morale but it seemed ineffective. TOM: Much like anything Kari's ever attempted. >Yolei: ‘‘this is the worst moment of my entire life, I feel as if no one cares about me.’’ CROW (Yolei): The writers didn't even give me my own subplot! Waaah! >Kari: ‘’That’s not true, what about your family and the rest of our group, you’re not alone always remember that.’’ MIKE (Kari): And Hawkmon loves you and...oh, he died. Forget I brought that up. >Yolei: ‘’Thanks Kari, you care so much about me. How could I ever pay you back?’’ TOM (Kari): A hundred bucks ought to do it. >Kari: ‘‘well there is something I’d like, can you lick me?’’ TOM: WHOA! MIKE: Now that's what you call a slam. CROW (Yolei): Look, I've been an ass and I admit it. You don't have to be that harsh. >Yolei: ‘‘what?! I’m not a lesbian!’’ TOM (Yolei): But I play one on TV! >Kari: ‘’I know that, its just T.K. isn’t here and…’’ MIKE (Hawkmon): Excuse me, dead Digimon over here! Focus on my plight, people! >she then realized what she was saying and it was too late to take it back. CROW (Kari): I'm sorry, I have this thing for crybabies in stupid hats. >Yolei: ‘’Hold it, you had sex with him?!’’ MIKE (Kari): No, I said I'd like to, but T.K. has these funny things called "ethics." >Kari: ‘‘no! I was just focused on something else that’s all.’’ TOM (Hawkmon): Well, it sure as hell wasn't me and my tragic demise. Pay attention! >Yolei: ‘’Total bullshit, just admit it!’’ CROW: This fanfic is TOTAL.... MIKE: Thank you, Crow. We know. >Kari: ‘’O.K. we’ve been doing it for a while, are you happy now?’’ MIKE (Yolei): Yeah, I'm thrilled. My Digimon croaked and you want a tongue bath from me because Hat-boy's not available this minute. Wow. >Yolei: ‘‘in some way yes, I wish I had a boyfriend. I always wanted to be with Ken, then I find out he’s an inhumane bastard.’’ CROW (Yolei): But in a cute way. >Kari: ‘‘don’t forget YOU also wanted to marry him.’’ TOM: Didn't Yolei just say that? >Yolei: ‘‘yeah like that would ever happen. I’d choose Davis over Ken any day.’’ MIKE: Sounds like somebody's still bitter over episode 50. TOM and CROW: Mmm-hmmm. >Kari: ‘‘well now that’s done, can we start now?’’ MIKE (Kari): We're getting less pre-pubescent by the minute! We have an audience to disgust, y'know. >Yolei: ‘‘well all right, only because we’re friends.’’ CROW (Yolei): If we do this and you turn out to be an inhumane bastard, I'm going to be very upset. >Kari then slipped off her shorts and panties. TOM: Clumsy of her. Why was she standing on her shorts and panties, anyway? >Yolei was thinking this is wrong, but goes ahead with it anyway. MIKE: Yolei shows a sudden, depressing lack of initiative. >For Kari it felt like heaven is a place on earth. CROW (Belinda Carlisle): And, ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? >Kari: ‘’Wow! You do it even better then T.K.!’’ TOM: Apparently Kari went to the Saddam Hussein School of Tact. >Yolei: ‘’Is that a compliment, or an insult?!’’ MIKE (Kari): Oh, and how do YOU know how bad T.K. is at this? >Kari: ‘’Relax it doesn’t mean anything.’’ CROW: Like arena football or elections in Florida. >Yolei began to suck and lick again. TOM: Has Yolei really ever stopped sucking? MIKE: Tom.... >She had already tasted her own fluids when jacking off, but this stuff was ten times better. CROW: Plus it had half the calories. >Kari: ‘‘well it sure looks like you’re happy now.‘‘ MIKE (Yolei): It's an act, okay? >Yolei: ‘‘much, can we switch places now?’’ ‘‘sure ‘’she replied, after that they changed places. TOM: Now Yolei's the Wall Street tycoon and Kari's the streetwise con man. CROW: Wow, there was so much tension in those two sentences, I wasn't sure they were going to change places. But they did. Change places. >Yolei got a real kick out of Kari’s treatment, no one else has ever done this to her before. MIKE: Or is likely to again. >At this point, she didn’t even care she was engaged in lesbian sex. CROW: Join the club. I'm not impressed either. TOM: I was expecting so much more out of lesbianism, but this is just lame. >Yolei: ‘’Kari, you’re amazing!’’ MIKE (Yolei): You just used the death of my Digimon to take advantage of me! That's sick. >Kari: ‘‘thanks you weren’t so bad yourself.’’ TOM (Kari): You'll notice I'm not saying you were good.... >At this point Gatomon returned and saw a rather strange site. CROW: Gatomon just read a Seanbaby article. >Gatomon: ‘‘um, what are you two doing?’’ TOM: Oh, please. Like cats aren't licking their butts every chance they get. >Both: ‘‘nothing, nothing at all.’’ MIKE (Gatomon): Yeah, I noticed I was the one doing all the work. >Gatomon: ‘‘well if you say so anyway, I found something for Hawkmon.’’ CROW (Gatomon): Remember him? Your Digifriend turned Digifertilizer? >Yolei thought it was strange to use catnip on a bird but did it anyway. MIKE: But after 350 degrees in the oven, it made the stuffing come out superb! TOM: Yep. It's the catnip dressing that makes a roast Hawkmon. >Eventually he finally awoke, Kari and Gatomon let them have some privacy. CROW (Hawkmon): Okay, what the hell happened? Can't I die for five minutes without you kids doing something retarded? >Yolei: ‘’Hey Hawkmon are you all right?’’ MIKE (Yolei): You weren't breathing for a couple of hours. I was so concerned I got laid. >Hawkmon: ‘’I think so, it’s hard to recover for something like that.’’ CROW: Yeah, normally death is pretty permanent. >Yolei: ‘’Hawkmon, I’m really sorry, I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself. Can you forgive me?’’ TOM (Hawkmon): Hmmm. NO! MIKE (Yolei): Aw, c'mon! Please? TOM (Hawkmon): No! MIKE (Yolei): Pretty please? TOM (Hawkmon): I said "no!" MIKE (Yolei): Pretty, pretty please? >Hawkmon: ‘’Of course, that’s what real partners do.’’ CROW (Hawkmon): But if you croak, plan on me getting head while somebody else works to bring you back. >Yolei then hugged Hawkmon very tight. TOM: And killed him a second time. Hawkmon: ‘’Yolie, you can stop now, don’t turn this into a Full House moment.’’ MIKE: Ew! God, no! Listen to him, Yolei! TOM: Anything's exponentially worse with either Bob Saget or the Olson twins in it. CROW: The universe might explode if they appear in a Digimon lemon. >She then laughed and continued to hold him, not as tight though. TOM: And he slipped through her grasp and fell on his head. MIKE (Hawkmon): Okay, tighter. Tighter is fine. >Hawkmon used what Gatomon found at it somehow worked. CROW: Yeah. He's alive again. We covered this. >It’s a strange reaction but no one seemed to care since it was working. TOM: The last couple of sentences sound like they were written by Boomhauer from King of the Hill. >Kari: ‘’Hey, are you all right now Yolei?’’ CROW (Yolei): Well, except for the major psychological trauma you gave me, I'm fine! >Yolei: ‘’Much better, Hawkmon seems to be fine now and we settled about what happened.’’ MIKE (Yolei): I apologized for almost killing him and he said, "Sure, whatever." >Kari: ‘’It’s a team effort, were all in this together.’’ TOM (Kari): We'll tell the boys that when we run into them again. >Then the four saw a disturbing site, it was Ken’s base! CROW: Ironically, it's sliding into a baseball player. >It was floating in the air! MIKE: And it's not on fire! Oh, the humanity! >Hawkmon: ‘’Wow, I’m sorry Yolei we should’ve listened to you.’’ TOM (Hawkmon): Now let's go beat the whey out of Tentomon for falling asleep at the switch. >Yolei: ‘’I was just joking about that, I didn’t think he could do that sort of thing.’’ CROW (Yolei): I mean, I know he's full of hot air, but.... MIKE: So she chewed Tentomon out for the fun of it? >Gatomon: ‘’Evil ones always seem to be the most smart, this is no exception.’’ MIKE: What? Freaking what? Thanks a lot, Gatomon, my train of thought was still on the tracks up to this point. TOM: Oh, didn't you know? Einstein, Gandhi, M.L.K., they were all pure evil. CROW: Yeah, and Hitler and Stalin and Idi Amin were all geniuses. >Hawkmon: ‘‘shouldn’t we tell the others about this?’’ TOM: Nah, let 'em figure it out for themselves. >Both: ‘’Oh yeah…’’ MIKE: Suddenly, I'm thirsty for Kool-Aid. >They used their e-mailers and sent out the new discovery. CROW: "E-mailers?" All this technical jargon is confusing me! >They all agreed to spend the night together and assault Ken’s base in the morning. TOM: By which time it'll have floated away again. >Cody: ‘’Hey Yolei are you all right now?’’ MIKE: Morning already? How time flies! >Yolei: ‘’Yeah, sorry for my insanity before. It will never happen again.’’ CROW: This episode. >Davis: ‘’Well that’s the best news I’ve heard in a while.’’ TOM: The last good news he heard was that that penalty kick he blocked caused no permanent damage. >Kari: ‘’Hold that thought, we found his base, it’s floating in the air.’’ MIKE: With the greatest of ease! The middle-aged base on the flying trapeze! >Cody: ‘’Well that seems pretty odd, how could he do that all by himself?’’ MIKE: With a big drag of helium? TOM (Cody): Remember, if his voice is squeaky, we have no way of stopping him. >Davis: ‘‘enough talking, can we stop for the night!’’ CROW (Davis): I need my beauty sleep so I'll look my best for Ken! >All: ‘‘fine, all right already!’’ MIKE (All): We'll make our plan with charades, you big baby! >The next morning T.K. and Cody headed out towards the base, without telling anyone. CROW: So much for team effort. >Soon Yolei and Kari followed them when they realized they were gone. TOM: Let me guess: then they all find the base at dusk and go to bed, then get up the next day and chase the base till dark, and then the next day, and then the next.... >Davis was somewhat unlucky, he’s the only one with a digimon that can’t fly. CROW: Poor luckless Davis, there's no chance he'll get injured today. Wish I had that kind of luck. >Then of course, he’s always been unlucky. MIKE: Last time he was in Tahoe, Davis dropped five big ones. >Meanwhile Kari and Yolei were chatting while flying. TOM (Yolei): So if our Digimon crash, we can use their seat cushions as flotation devices? CROW (Kari): Uh-huh! And we can detach their slides and use them as rafts! >Yolei: ‘’About last night, it was just a one time thing right?’’ MIKE: No, you'll find that nighttime happens, well, nightly. >Kari: ‘’Yeah, I was just upset yesterday, I still love T.K.’’ CROW (Kari): He's surprisingly tolerant of my sleeping around every time I get up upset. >Yolei: ‘‘did you ever tell him that?’’ TOM (Kari): You mean I'm supposed to talk to him? >Kari: ‘‘does it really matter?’’ MIKE: The only girl on the planet who isn't fretting about a deeper relationship. >Yolei: ‘’I get it, you’re too afraid.’’ Kari: ‘’I am not!’’ MIKE, TOM, and CROW: Bawk! Bawk! Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-awk! >Yolei: ‘’I’m going to tell him right now.’’ CROW (Yolei): Let me just grab my e-mailer! >Kari: ‘‘don’t you fucking dare!’’ TOM: Oh, come on, fanfic! I can almost believe meek little Kari having sex at age 11, but not her cussing like a sailor! >Yolei then sent a message to T.K., he took it seriously. CROW (T.K.): Hey, my e-mailer is making an e-maily noise! Bet I have an e-mail thingy. MIKE: Okay, Crow, you can let the "e-mailer" thing go now. >He loved Kari and was too nervous as she is. TOM: That Boomhauer thing's happening again. MIKE: If he's nervous now, wait till he finds out she's bisexual. >Kari: ‘’How could you do that to me?! He’ll never want to speak to me again! You’ve ruined everything!’’ CROW (Kari): I'm really upset with you! Now, sleep with me to calm me down. >Yolei: ‘‘actually he responded with; I love you too, we need to talk, alone.’’ MIKE (Yolei): I think I just stole your boyfriend. Sorry about that. >Kari: ‘’I wasn’t expecting that sort of response.’’ TOM (Kari): I thought he loved me, not you. >Yolei: ‘’Well now you both know, you don’t have to hide it anymore.’’ CROW (Yolei): But could you keep it up anyway as a favor to me? >Kari: ‘’Thanks Yolei, you’re always so helpful.’’ MIKE (Yolei): Do you know how to get a mustard stain out of polyester? >Yolei: ‘’Well I try.’’ TOM: Or at least I'm trying. Very trying. >After that they continued to do what they came to do, take out Ken. CROW: They took him out for Chinese, then they took him out to a movie.... >They headed full speed to the others. MIKE: Which direction? Two are ahead of them and one's in the rear. >Meanwhile the older kids were still helping out as much as they could. TOM: Mimi took a nap, Joe and Sora went to the movies, and Tai, Matt, and Izzy roasted marshmallows. >Though you can’t really do a lot if you’re not even there. CROW: These kids are there, and they ain't doing much of anything, either. >Cody with Digmon and Tentomon were freeing some of Ken’s prisoners. CROW: Wait a minute! How did Cody and Digmon get into Ken's base? TOM: And when did Tentomon show up? Please, fanfic, show a little attention to detail! MIKE: It's showing as little as it can. Sorry, guys, old joke.... >T.K. was rather pissed when he saw Devimon on the screen. MIKE (T.K.): I hate Devimon's show. It's worse than Jerry Springer. >T.K.: ‘‘my god, why won’t these MF’s die already!’’ CROW: What's he saying? Marketing financiers? TOM: Mushy footwear? CROW: Midnight foreigners? TOM: Micronesian foxgloves? MIKE: I'll tell you guys later. >Patamon sacrificed himself to destroy him and now he just suddenly appears. MIKE: Well, Patamon came back to life again, why not Devimon? I mean, just because he's evil, the trick won't work for him? >He went off and had a physical fight with Ken. TOM (Ken): Take it easy! I just looked in a seagoing tornado, and there he was! >Even worse though was that he created some sort of hybrid like creature. CROW: Man, T.K. needs anger management therapy. MIKE: No, the monster was Ken's creation. CROW: You sure about that? MIKE: Yes, but only because I saw this episode. >Whatever it was, it got out and attacked anyone in site. TOM: And this distinguishes it from other Digimon because...? >Yolei and Kari were just arriving on the scene. CROW (Police dispatcher): We have a 182 in progress, giant Digimon on rampage at the corner of Reno and Air Depot Boulevards. >Yolei: ‘’Hey Kari, what the fuck is that?’’ TOM (Yolei): See, I can be a potty mouth, too! >Kari: ‘’I have no idea, I think we should high tail it out of here.’’ MIKE: And our heroines turn and run at the first sign of trouble. >After the two of them got away, T.K. and Cody were leaving too. CROW: Meanwhile, back at camp, Davis wakes up from his third nap of the day and tucks into a candy and soda pop lunch. >They ended up camping again, can’t beat a deranged lunatic without energy right? MIKE: So, power bars all around? >When everyone else was asleep, Kari and T.K. went into the nearby woods to talk. TOM (T.K.): Was there any particular reason why you abandoned Cody and me when we had our hands full fighting the bad guy? >Kari: ‘’T.K. please don’t get mad it was all Yolei’s idea I had nothing to do with it.’’ CROW: Jesus, use a comma. >T.K.: ‘’Don’t worry about it I’m not mad just a little tense.’’ MIKE: Past, present, or future? >Kari: ‘’So do you want to lose all that tension?’’ TOM (Kari): 'Cause I've got some junk bonds you can invest it in. >T.K.: ‘’I guess what do you have in mind?’’ CROW (Kari): What would you say to a rousing game of Parcheesi? >Kari didn’t answer, she simply tackled T.K. and started to suck on his dick. MIKE: Oh, but there's a flag! Penalty on the play! CROW: Talk about your unnecessary roughness. >T.K.: ‘‘are you sure about this, what if somebody sees us?’’ TOM (T.K.): And would you please quit licking my pants? They're wool! They'll shrink! >Kari: ‘’T.K. you are way too paranoid, loosen up.’’ MIKE (Kari): No tension, remember? Now, just relax while I force you to have sex with me. >After a few seconds all his stress went away. TOM: Boy, that was fast. CROW: Hooray for premature ejaculation, I say. MIKE: Mmm-hmmm. The fanfic should be over by now. >He was used to the feeling since they did this before. MIKE (T.K.): Oops, I'm sorry. I'm early again. Well, maybe we can chat instead, or see what's on TV.... >T.K.: ‘’This is what I really needed.’’ TOM (T.K.): But I've never had the nerve to include it in my letters to Santa. >Kari: ‘’I’m glad to see you’re happy.’’ CROW: Y'know, the bitter edge to this conversation makes them sound like they're already married. >He soon shot a load of semen and fell backwards. MIKE: Lot of recoil on his prostate. >T.K.: ‘’Well I can honestly say that’s a good way to relieve stress.’’ Kari: ‘’We should do it more often.’’ TOM: Well, I can honestly say this dialogue is lame. CROW: We should stop paying attention to it. >T.K.: ‘‘are you hiding something from me?’’ MIKE (Kari): Mmm-hmmm! Guess which hand it's in! >Kari: ‘‘what makes you think that?’’ CROW: There was that massive run-on sentence that prominently featured Yolei.... >T.K.: ‘‘you’re odd behavior for one.’’ MIKE: That is true. This is the first lemon ever where the oral sex wasn't reciprocated. >Kari: ‘’I’m telling you nothing happened, nothing.’’ TOM: She turned into John Banner! >T.K.: ‘‘now I’m sure you’re hiding something, just tell me I won’t get upset.’’ MIKE, TOM, and CROW: You won't get upset. >Kari: ‘‘if you must know, Yolei and I had an interesting experience.’’ TOM (Arte Johnson): But shtupid! >T.K.: ‘‘oh I get it, you’re cheating on me.’’ CROW (Kari): Actually, I was going to tell you about Hawkmon's death and resurrection, but, yeah, that too. >Kari: ‘‘that’s not it! I still love you as much as before. I only did it to calm Yolei I swear!’’ MIKE: Bull! You guilt-tripped her into an "apology" for messing up the mission! It was never Yolei's idea! >T.K.: ‘’So you still want to be with me?’’ TOM: C'mon, man, dump her! She two-timed you and used Yolei! Kari: ‘’Of course! I can’t change the past, I’m sorry about what happened.’’ CROW (Kari): I'm sorry my slutting around disturbs you. >She slowly shed a tear. MIKE (Kari): Geez, I gave you a blowjob. You're almost as abusive as I am, T.K. >‘’You probably hate me now right?’’ TOM: Not as much as we do. ENNND! >T.K.: ‘’Well if it was to help a friend out, then I guess it’s all right. I’m not mad just promise me this won’t happen again.’’ CROW (T.K.): If any other friends need help, screw 'em. I mean, don't screw 'em. Aw, you get the idea. >Kari: ‘’It won’t I’ll make sure of that.’’ MIKE (Kari): Starting with you. >The two then hugged each other close. TOM (Kari): Jerk. CROW (T.K.): Tramp. >Another one of my works finished after a long hard struggle [don’t ask] MIKE: Wasn't going to. Finish up. >I can tell you now, that I can’t make them as fast as before. CROW: He's still waiting for the Xerox repairman to show up. >I have no control over the issue, so I’m stuck. TOM: That flypaper we laid down really worked! (MIKE, TOM, and CROW exit the theater. Doors slam as we return to the living quarters. TOM and CROW are discussing the fanfic.) CROW: You know, between the unfulfilling sex and the backstabbing, this was the most realistic lemon ever. TOM: Nuh-uh. Hikari was way out of character. Everytime anybody was having a bad day, she was there to blow them, like some kind of genital-addicted leach. Overambition almost killed your Digimon, Miyako? Here's a little lesbianism to cure you! Flashing back to the day you watched Patamon die, Takeru? Have I got a deal for you! Does she do this all the time? CROW: We could call her up and ask her. TOM: Oh, sure. "Hi, little twelve-year-old girl that doesn't know us! Do you enjoy providing all your little friends with sexual favors?" Cops would be lining up to make that bust. CROW: Only because they'd get to take a trip into low Earth orbit off as a business expense. TOM: Yeah, but still. Way too risky. CROW: So let's do what we do whenever we're too chicken to do it ourselves. TOM: Right. TOM and CROW: Gypsy! (GYPSY enters.) GYPSY: Hi, guys. This doesn't involve dismemberment, does it? CROW: Nah. Just a phone call. Hook 'er up, Cambot. (A telephone receiver stretches into frame next to GYPSY's head.) GYPSY: The number? TOM: Dunno. 1-900-SLUT-ODAIBA? GYPSY: Hey, it's ringing! Hello! Hi there! Oh, moshi moshi to you, too! Are you in Japan? This is a Japanese telephone! Hi! Moshi moshi! TOM: Ask her if.... CROW: Not yet! We gotta build up to it first. Ask about the weather, Gyps'. GYPSY: Sure thing, Crow. Hi! Moshi moshi! Do you have weather there? Hey, guys, they have weather in Japan! CROW: What kind? GYPSY: Hi! Moshi moshi! What kind? Rain? I've never seen rain! I'd like to. Sure I can come over and look at rain, I just have to escape first. Tom, Crow, it's raining in Japan. TOM: This is taking forever. CROW: All right, Emperor Impatient. Gypsy, sensitive question. Ask if she really likes sucking on Takeru and Miyako's naughty bits, or if that's a rumor and a myth and a vicious lie. GYPSY: I can't ask that. It's impolite. CROW: Well, pretend you're me. GYPSY: Ummmm...okay! Hi! Moshi moshi! This isn't Gypsy, this is Crow T. Robot. Do you...oh, how can I say this? TOM: This is not your best Crow impression, Gyps'. GYPSY: Do you like to...(Whispers into reciever.) Oh, my! Really? CROW: What? TOM: What? GYPSY: She says yes. TOM and CROW: Nooooo! GYPSY: All the time, every chance she gets. She really likes it. Takeru and Miyako do, too. CROW: What about Daisuke? GYPSY: Oh, my! She says whenever possible. TOM: Not Iori! GYPSY: Oh, myyy! She says he's her favorite. CROW: Strange girl. GYPSY: I'll say. She has a really deep voice. CROW: Hikari doesn't have a...ah, man, gimme that phone! TOM: Rats, that's her brother. Taichi's prankin' us back! GYPSY: There's another girl now. It sounds like her name's Hikari, also. TOM: Gypsy, you were talking to a boy named Taichi. This girl is who you're supposed to be talking to. GYPSY: It sounds like the two Hikaris are arguing! CROW: TAICHI, GET OFF THE LINE! WE WANNA TALK TO YOUR SISTER! GYPSY: The Hikari with the deep voice says my Crow impression is a lot better now. TOM: Oooh, Mike's coming! Hang up, hang up! GYPSY: Bye, Hikaris! Moshi moshi! (The telephone receiver is pulled away. MIKE enters. TOM and CROW whistle tunelessly.) MIKE: Okay. I'm happy not knowing. Let me just check what the next fanfic is. (Onscreen: OBSERVER, sipping a juice box.) OBSERVER: Oh, hello, Mike. Nothing special happening here, Bobo caught his finger in a rat trap and Pearl is touching him up with a styptic pencil. The next lemon is Through Sickness and Health by Angeteen. Cheers! MIKE: Thanks for the news. (Telephone rings.) TOM and CROW: Hide! Hide! Hide! Hide! MIKE: (Answers telephone.) Satellite of Love, good morning. Moshi moshi to you too, Ms. Yagami. TOM and CROW: HIIIDE! (Exit.) MIKE: Obscene call? Caller ID? Your brother? Crow impression? GYPSY: Sorry. I'm afraid mine isn't very good. (Lights flash and sirens blare.) MIKE: Fanfic sign? I'm sorry, I have to go. Talk to you later. Bye. (Hangs up.) FANFIC SIGN! (To abort, open Hamdingers.)