"The Impossible Fic" By: Tamahome no Fujo and Jojo Stix (No email) MSTed by: Ketsurui (Ketsurui_Makura@hotmail.com) DISCLAIMER: MST3K belongs to Best Brains. Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Watashi Yuu. This story belongs to Tamahome no Fujo and Jojo Stix. I hope they're not mad at me, but I couldn't find an e-mail address to ask their permisson. Santana, Kyoukumei, Kitsune, and Lucien all belong to me. Please do not take them--I can't write without my muses! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "We want a recall," Satana said boldly. Eighteen eyes blinked at her. "What?" Nine voices asked in unison. "I said, 'we want a recall'. We don't want to work with Ketsurui anymore." Satana tucked her long red hair back behind the twin horns protruding from the top of her head. She looked at the 9 Muses, the origonal goddesses of ancient Greece who had spawned all other muses, expectantly. Clio, the muse of history, was first to recover. "Why is that?" She asked calmly, glancing at her sisters. "Many reasons," a voice said smoothly. The speaker, Kyoukumei, was wearing a long white tunic and holding a lyre under one arm. "Please be more specific," urged Polyhymnia, the muse of sacred poetry. "We're overworked and underpayed." A shadow replied. It had the vauge shape of a woman with fox ears. "That's a poor reason, Miss Kage-Kitsune," Clio said, rolling her eyes. "It's more than that," Kyoukumei assure the nine. "Ketsurui's work is too dark-" "Too yaoiful," Satana cut it, lashing her spear-headed tail. "Too bloody," Kitsune suppilied. "And too angsty. We want a break. No, more than that. We want a new writer," Kyoukumei finished, brushing her curly black hair out of her face. "A better writer," The only male of the group, an angel named Lucien, murmured. Melpomene frowned. "You could do worse than Ketsurui." She was the muse of tragidy, and rather liked the angsty work Ketsurui turned out. "We could do much better," Lucien replied, crossing his arms over his chest. The nine muses drew together, murmuring among themseleves. After a moment, Calliope, the muse of music and epic poetry, stood. "The only reason we would do a recall is if the muse and the writer did no good for eachother. You four are just being selfish." "But!" Satana tried to protest. "No buts," Calliope silenced her firmly. "For this, you will be punished." She smiled when all four stiffened. "Since you have such a problem with your own charge, we think you should read the work of others." "Wait-" Satana started towards the goddesses, but disappeared in a flash of light before she could reach them. * * * "Ow, ow, ow," Satana whined. The Muses had sent them some place that was completely dark, and by the muttering around her, she guessed her companions were with her. "Get off my wing," Lucien complained, shoving Satana. The demon girl hit the floor with a resounding *thud*. Rubbing her rear, she got to her feet, feeling along the wall. "There has to be a lightswitch around here somewhere," she muttered. "Get your pointy tail out of my eye," Kitsune growled, slapping the appendage away. With an offended yelp, Satana flicked the switch. All four groaned as the room was flooded in sudden light. Kyoukumei wriggled her way out from under Kitsune. Looking around at the room, she saw a desk, a television, and the bed they had all landed on. Other than that, the room was empty. "What in the world...?" She murmured aloud. Suddenly, the TV switched on. Erato, the muse of love poetry, popped on screen, smiling. "Hello, everyone." "Ahh!" The four screamed in reply. Erato seemed to not hear them. "Well, this is where your punishment begins. Just reach into one of those desk drawers and pull out a disk-" "Wait a damned minute," Satana interrupted. She picked her pitchfork up off the floor, and pointed it at the screen. "I never agreed to anything like this when I signed up to be a muse!" "You didn't sign up. You were drafted," Kyoukumei pointed out, disk in hand. "In any case," Erato said cheerfully "you're not going anywhere. Just put the disk in the player. Don't worry, you won't be punished forever." The screen went blank. "Just who's stupid idea was it to ask for a recall?" Satana snarled. "Yours," the other three replied in unison. Kyoukumei, who had finally found the slot in the TV for the disk, sat on the bed. "We might as well make the best of this." "I guess you're right," Satana admitted. She sat next to Kyoukumei, Kitsune sitting on the musician's other side, and Lucien next to the fox-shadow. The four looked at the screen, waiting for the story to begin ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KITSUNE: This is all your fault, Satana. SATANA: Hey, you didn't *have* to go along with it! LUCIEN: Remind me to smite you later. >The Impossible Fic (a.k.a. Tamahome/Suboshi) KYOU: That's impossible? KITSUNE: Nothing's impossibly for fanfiction. SATANA: I can think of a few ways to put Tamahome and Suboshi together. For example- KYOU: Don't give anyone ideas! SATANA: But...that's my job... >By Tamahome no Fujo and Jojo Stix (a.k.a. the absolutely insane duo of >hyper fangirls) KITSUNE: You and about a billion other fangirls.... >Disclaimers: The characters in this story don't belong to us. They belong >to Watase Yuu. We're students = no money. So if you sue us, you won't get >anything. We have no money. SATANA: (sarcastically) I didn't catch that. Did they say they had no money? >Oh and this story will be a yaoi one. SATANA: YES! KYOU: I thought you were complaining about yaoi a minute ago. SATANA: Well, you see, sometimes...when it's not... oh, just bite me. >So if male/male situations bother you... KITSUNE: You would have already hit the back button by now. >don't read this.. LUCIEN: Had we the choice.... >it is after all a Tamahome/Suboshi fic) SATANA: (Author) For you slow people who didn't get that from the title. >Note: Tamahome's real name is Sou Kishuku, Suboshi's real name is Bu >Shunkaku, and Amiboshi's real name is Bu Koutoku. SATANA: As any good Fushigi Yuugi fan would know... KYOU: *You* didn't know that! SATANA: Neither did you! LUCIEN: Knock it off, you two. >The day was bright and sunny, well somewhere anyway. KYOU: (Clearly confused) Uh...that's usually the case. SATANA: ...it's a bad thing when the opening sentance makes no sense, right? >But in Konan the rain was coming down as if the very ocean had evaporated. KITSUNE: Salty rain soaked into the Earth, killing all the crops. With nothing growing, the people of Konan were forced to kill eachother for food! OTHERS: . >Kishuku's shirt, and everywhere else I might add, was soaking wet as he >tended the fields. KYOU: (Kishuku, Redneck twang) Ah gotta pick this here corn afore mah sister-wife a'comes home. SATANA: You're weird, you know that? >All the other workers had left long ago, when the rain had started. LUCIEN: From here on, we'll refer to them as the "Smart ones". >But Kishuku worked on, ignoring the rain, with thoughts of okane running >through his head. SATANA: (Soft, singsong voice) Visions of okane danced in his head. >Picking up the spade SATANA: Diamond KITSUNE Club KYOU: Heart LUCIEN: Comma OTHERS: LUCIEN: ...it's...missing a comma. >he knelt down and tried to dig a hole in the soft, wet ground. KITSUNE: (Kishuku) Must dig deeper hole for the bodies.... >Tried, that is, because well it was no longer dirt... LUCIEN: (Announcer) We've secretly replaced the dirt with Folger's Crystals... >it was mud. SATANA: Let's see...rain+dirt= mud. Makes sense. KITSUNE: Satana+comment= moron SATANA: Kitsune+insult= Pitchfork up the ass... >After a few moments Kishuku finally gave up, he could just feel the okane >slipping from his grasp. But that wasn't the only thing that was slipping. LUCIEN: So was his sanity KYOU: And his pants SATANA: heeey... >He soon discovered that the mud wasn't very stable. KITSUNE: Just as he had become. SATANA: Anyone ever tell you that you have a laugh like Jinnai? >Blinking, Kishuku looked up from where he had fallen. LUCIEN: From grace. SATANA&KYOU: Did it hurt...when you fell from heaven? >Looking around he realized he was sitting elbow deep in the wet, cold, and >sticky mud. SATANA: The Konan Mud Wrestling Championship! KITSUNE: If Ashitare enters, I'm leaving. >Cursing under his breath, Kishuku struggled to wade out of the mud pit he's >fallen into. 'This has just been not my day. Things couldn't get >worse." LUCIEN: Cue things getting worse. >As if to spite Kishuku the rain stopped, leaving him caked in mud. KYOU: (Rain) Biii! >Shunkaku and his brother, Koutoku, trudged through the rain. Shunkaku >tried to peer through the curtain of rain looking for any sings of shelter. KYOU: And he sings...the song...of shelter! ALL: Shelter! >Spotting the vague outline of a tree up ahead, Shunkaku urged his brother >forward. KITSUNE: With a cattle prod. LUCIEN: *Zap!* (Shunkaku) Hehehe. >Reaching the tree, they stopped to rest under the branches. KYOU: As opposed to above the branches? LUCIEN: Aren't you supposed to stay *away* from trees during a storm? >"Daijobu, aniki?" Shunkaku asked. SATANA: (Koutoku) Do I look daijoubu to you?! >Koutoku tried to smile but was unable to due to a sudden coughing fit. >Rushing over, Shunkaku >eased his sick brother down onto the damp ground. KITSUNE: *SPLAT* LUCIEN: Or dropped him, whichever you prefer.... >Pulling off his shirt, Shunkaku draped it over Amboshi. KITSUNE: But since it was soaking wet, it didn't do a damn bit of good. SATANA: (Impatient) Is it Amiboshi or Koutoku? Pick and name and stick with it! >Sitting down next to him, Shunkaku hugged his brother in an attempt to keep >him warm. SATANA: I thought this was TamahomexSuboshi? KYOU: Maybe it's a bonus? SATANA: Mm, bonus yaoi... >(NO not like that you hentai. This is a Tamahome/Suboshi fic!) SATANA: I hate you. >Sitting there, Shunkaku thought back over the last couple of years. He and >his brother had spent most of their time wandering from village to village. KYOU: They were plauged by the dreaded Ryouga syndrome. >Occasionally, they would fin some compassionate soul who would take them in >for a while. SATANA: Fin? LUCIEN: They turned some compassionate soul into...a fish? >But invariably, they would move on. Many times they left not by choice but >rather because their presence brought fear to some of the villagers. SATANA: The fact that Koutoku rode his brother naked in the moonlight scared a lot of people. OTHERS: SATANA: Not like that! You know, like Lady Godiva...oh, skip it. >Their strange powers were not welcomed by others and the few people who >weren't afraid of them were outnumbered by those who were. LUCIEN: (Koutoku) I play the flute! KYOU: (Shunkaku) I have a yo-yo! SATANA&KITSUNE: (Townspeople) AHH! Run away! >Shunkaku's thoughts were interrupted by another coughing fit from Koutoku. >This time the coughing didn't stop. Koutoku coughed one last time and >passed out. KITSUNE: (Shunkaku) Uh, aniki, I found a piece of your lung. Do you want it back, or... >Shunkaku felt his link with his brother weakening. Panicking, Shunkaku >grabbed his brother and prayed that he could find help in time. SATANA: >As Kishuku trudged home, he used every curse word he could think of. LUCIEN: Such as #$%^& and @#$%%# and *&^&&^. Oh, don't forget: @!@$%**&^^%! >He was wet and covered in mud. After he had pulled himself out of the mud, >the mud had started to dry and crack off. But the gods were not smiling on >Kishuku, KITSUNE: They were lobbing thunderbolts at him. >for just as the mud faunal dried, it began to rain yet again. ALL: SATANA: Faunal?...the hell? KYOU: Funnel? LUCIEN: Fennal? >Lost in his thoughts and bemoaning his condition, SATANA: It's "bemoaning his fate"! How dare you ruin a cliche! >Kishuku failed to notice the oddly shaped figure running towards him. SATANA: Hey look, it's Miaka! KYOU: Shut up, you're gonna get us flamed! >Shunkaku struggled to keep the unconscious Koutoku balanced over his >shoulders. One of Koutoku's arms wound itself around his head, making it >quite difficult to see. SATANA: So they both fell to the mud. The twins staired into eachothers' eyes before engaging in a hot, passionate- KYOU: Nice try. Koutoku's unconcious. SATANA: Damn. >Just as he was faunal able to get Koutoku's arm out of his face he ran into >a large blob of mud. KITSUNE: It sucked him in, then proceeded to devour all of ancient China. The end. >But it couldn't be mud because it was swearing. LUCIEN: Attack of the Swearing Mud Monster! ALL: AHHHH!!! >The mud covered thing tripped, sending Shunkaku and Koutoku tumbling to the >ground. SATANA: (Happily) *THUMP!* >"What the hell is it now?" Kishuku asked angrily. Looking down at the >people who had run into him. KYOU: Your participle's dangling. >One of them, a young man, SATANA: The other, a decrepit old geezer. >didn't move from where he'd fallen. LUCIEN: From grace? SATANA: You already used that riff. LUCIEN: (Darkly) The land of Konan is damned. Damned, I tell you! >The other, looking exactly like the first one, KITSUNE: Damn, clones are just popping up all over the place nowadays. >jumped up and crouched over him. For a second, Kishuku was afraid that >he'd hurt the unconscious boy. SATANA: But a second after that, he didn't give a rat's ass. >Shunkaku turned around after he checked his brother. And promptly screamed. KYOU: (Shunkaku) Ahh! It's Tamahome! >"Ahhhhhh!! Its an obake!!" LUCIEN: Close enough. >Shunkaku screamed. KITSUNE: Stop screaming, kid! My ears are ringing. >Suddenly the mud blob jumped foreword and grabbed him. SATANA: You know, you have to wonder where he was grabbed by OTHERS: SATANA: (Quickly) I mean, he doesn't have his shirt on right? >"Shut up! Who the hell do you think you're calling an obake?" Kishuku asked >angrily. LUCIEN: (Shunkaku) You, Mr. Yelling monster-blob-man, sir. >The rain, which had been only moderate before suddenly turned into a full >fledged downpour. The mud on Kishuku's face started to wash off and SATANA: He noticed his skin felt so young and smooth. LUCIEN: (Kinshuku) Wow, those mud pack treatments really work. Now, time to wrap myself in seaweed and put eggs in my hair! >Shunkaku realized that there was actually a guy underneath all that mud. SATANA: Maybe next he'll figure out how to tie his shoes. >"Gomen nasai! Please you must help my aniki! He's sick and needs to see a >doctor. If I don't get help right away he might die!" Shunkaku said. KYOU: (Shunkaku) Do you think you can get that mud monster to help? >Normally Kishuku would ask for money but the pleading looking in the boy's >eyes cut straight to Kishuku's heart. KITSUNE: ...killing him instantly. SATANA: Short, dark, and pointless, just how I like it. LUCIEN: Sit down, you weirdo. >Letting go Shunkaku, Kishuku picked up the other boy. Shunkaku's shirt >slid off and fell to the ground. Shunkaku hurried off after Kishuku, the >shirt forgotten. SATANA: The poor shirt! Left all alone when it tried so hard to keep Kishuku warm! I think I'm going to need a hug... >TnF: That was a pretty mean place to leave it at. >Jojo: I know *evil grin* they'll just have to wait for the next part. SATANA: Hey, why did they switch from prose to script? KYOU: I think this is like author's notes or something. KITSUNE: (Jojo) I'm eeeeeviiillll! Pwahahaha!! SATANA: We've left fics off at worse spots. KYOU: Like someone about to get shot, or buried in an earthquake, or- LUCIEN: Geez. Why did I sign on to work with you guys? >TnF: You mean we're writing another part? KITSUNE: (TnF) I was just gonna end it here.... >Jojo: Of course...you outlined the whole thing. Remember? KYOU: (Gilliam) I worry about my future prospects, Gene. >TnF: Oh, yeah. So when are we going to write it? >Jojo: After you get part 3 of "The Rebirth of Hope" (shameless plug) typed >up. KITSUNE: Hell, at least they admit they're shamelessly plugging their work >TnF: Yeah yeah yeah. SATANA: Ok, are we done? KYOU: Yep, let's go ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "That's wasn't so bad," Kyoukumei said. All four of them were sitting in the kitchen, and she was looking through the cupboards for a teakettle. "If it was spellchecked, and had a little fine-tuning, it could make an excellent fic," Satana agreed, leaning her pitchfork against the wall. Frowning, she scratched around the base of one of her horns. "I was afraid we were going to be forced to read about 13-year-old hermaphrodites that can't spell and has a kink for felines." Lucien turned away from the window he'd been gazing out of. "What the hell are you talking about?" He demanded. The demon girl shrugged. "It just came to me. If we have to spend the rest of eternity reading unedited yaoi fics, I think we're gonna be okay." As soon as Satana finished speaking, thunder rolled in the distance, and lightning flashed in the sky. Kage-Kitsune frowned. "Well...that can't be good." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ketsurui's Notes: Finally, my first MSTing! Please don't be too hard on me. I'm sorry the storyline behind my MSTers was so lame; I figured most of you would just skip it anyway, and I was mostly concerned about you getting a feel for who they are, rather than what they're doing here. Comments, questions, flames? Please send them to: Ketsurui_Makura@hotmail.com http://anrui.homestead.com/main.html is my personal page. I hope you enjoyed yourself! Sting: Shunkaku realized that there was actually a guy underneath all that mud.