GUNDAM SCIENCE THEATER: Episode 1.01 ORIGINAL TITLE: Journey Home AUTHOR: "Angel of Death" MSTed by Nadia Frey (nadiafrey@hotmail.com) CRAP: No harm or insult is intended by this MST - it's just for kicks. MORE CRAP: Anything that's not mine doesn't belong to me (circular logic) and is used without permission for exactly zero dollars. WARNINGS: Possible language. -------------------------- [It is simulated nighttime on Space Colony 002. The citizens sleep peacefully in the knowledge that the conflict between the colonies and the Earth is finally over. However, one of them stirs in his sleep.] DUO: Ah... wha time is it....? CLOCK: 12:01 DUO: Time for a midnight snack... [He stands up, hobbling down the hall in his PJ's. Suddenly two strong arms reach out and drag him into the shadows with a muffed urk.] [DUO wakes up a while later, and looks around. The other four Gundam Pilots are sitting with him in the dim light, dressed in various nighttime apparel.] DUO: What the--? What are you guys doing here? QUATRE: If only we knew where "here" was.... TROWA: It seems we Gundam Pilots have all been captured and locked up in some facility... WUFEI: Obviously. I can't believe we let our guard down... HEERO: ..... VOICE: I quite agree, Heero! [The lights suddenly turn on. The pilots find themselves in a small room with nothing but folding chairs, a projector, and a PA system.] WUFEI: Who is that?? VOICE: Who do you think? DUO: Grandma? VOICE: No, it is I, Zechs Marquise! GW BOYS: .... ZECHS: Welcome to my satellite, your new home. I have brought you all here to test out my newest plan! HEERO: And that would be? ZECHS: I believe I have discovered something that is more effective than the Zero System! DUO: Dun dun DUN! QUATRE: *More* effective?! ZECHS: Yes, 04, and you are my guinea pigs for the beta tests. Behold! This brand new, highly advanced beta technology is what I humbly call the FIC System! Ah ha ha ha! WUFEI: FIC system. TROWA: Despite all of your convincing technobabble, I still think it's a crappy old projector. DUO: Fic? You don't mean...? ZECHS: YES! In a major breech of both health standards and Fourth Wall regulations, I have devised a plan that shall force the most horrible torture upon you! You will now be forced to read... bad GW fanfiction!! DUO: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WUFEI: What? QUATRE: Um... TROWA: HEERO: ..... ZECHS: Sit down, kiddies, it's gonna be a hell of a ride! [As if by magic or possibly Narrative Casualty, the projector starts and the fic begins...] ((I forgot the Door Sequence! Grr.. maybe next MST... ~Nadia)) >> Journey Home >> Writen by Angel of Death TROWA: Looks like you have some job competition, Duo. DUO: What?? How dare they! HEERO: "Written." QUATRE: Come on, you guys, it hasn't even started yet. WUFEI: You know it's going to be bad when they make errors before it's even begun. >> Duo gave up trying to wake the Chinese pilot of Shenlong who was >> deep in sleep. DUO: Why would I want to wake him up? He's grumpy in the morning. WUFEI: Hmff. DUO: Heck, he's grumpy all the time. >> He had spent the past one-hour tickling WuFei's face QUATRE: Tickling? DUO: What??? Am I crazy?? He'd kill me! WUFEI: I'm not ticklish anyway. >> with the tip of his braid DUO: NO! Not my precious hair! TROWA: Would you be quiet? I'm trying to concentrate on not concentrating. >> but WuFei remained in dreamland, DUO: Dream Weaver, I believe we can make it though the night.... WUFEI: >> oblivious to his surroundings. Even after repeated attempts to make >> WuFei open up his eyes, Duo still received the same results... a >> snoring pig. WUFEI: What?! DUO: QUATRE: That's not very nice... >> "Boy, he must really be tired!" Duo thought to himself TROWA: *I'm* tired of this fanfic. >> as he grabbed his braid and whacked WuFei right in the face. ALL: O_o DUO: My hair is not a weapon!! >> Still, he didn't stir. At one point of time, Duo thought he had >> succeeded in waking WuFei when WuFei, with his eyes closed, frowned >> and let out moan. DUO: What ARE you dreaming about, Wufei? QUATRE: O_o Duo!! HEERO: Missing a particle such as "a"... >>He then yelled out one word of "Nataku!" TROWA: There's your answer, Duo. WUFEI: Believe it or not, I am NOT obsessed with Nataku... DUO: Sure. WUFEI: I'm not! DUO: Mmm hmm. Yup. >> before turning to his side and falling silent once again. >> "Oh well, I don't blame him for being so tired. He had spent the >> entire day rattling off about justice that he must be pretty beat >> by now" Duo shrugged. WUFEI: QUATRE: Um... it *does* seem to be your favorite topic of discussion... WUFEI: What is this? Pick on Wufei day? HEERO: There needs to be a comma after "now", and sentence structure was messy. TROWA: What? >> He sat down cross-legged next to WuFei, propped his TROWA: -elbows on his knees and began to meditate and chant "ohm"s. >> head on both hands and supported his elbows on his knees and stared >> into space. WUFEI: I wonder how they get them peanuts into them shells... QUATRE: O_o >> "I'm booooored... bored, bored, bored bored, booooooooored...!" he >> mumbled under his breath TROWA: Hey Duo, are you bored? DUO: Nah. HEERO: I'm bored with this fic. >> and let out a long, deep sigh. He scanned the area furtively and >> spotted Quatre in a corner leaning on Trowa, both fast asleep. ALL: O_o DUO: Aww, isn't that cute. QUATRE: W-what?? >> It made no difference whether Trowa was asleep or awake. He didn't >> make much of a sound in either way. DUO: QUATRE: Oh, come on, he has more of a personality than that. TROWA: ..... >>The same goes for his hair DUO: WUFEI: QUATRE: TROWA: It's not like I *want* it to be like that. I was drawn that way. [Without warning, the entire room begins to shake] ZECHS: Hey!! What are you doing?? Leave the Fourth Wall alone! QUATRE: Fourth Wall? DUO: >> which remains unchanged no matter what he did. He could perform 360 >> -degree flips, get himself drenched or blown up and the hair >> doesn't change one bit. QUATRE: That *is* true, Trowa... TROWA: >> Forelock falling over the side, obscuring one eye, displaying an >> era of mystery and gentle elegance about him. DUO: Ooooooooh.... WUFEI: I wonder if the author likes you, Trowa? ZECHS: Leave the author out of this, 05. WUFEI: Hmph. HEERO: "Era"? I didn't think Trowa was that old. QUATRE: I think they mean "aura"... >> No one seems to know much about hime - about his past and all, >> except for the fact that he pilots Heavyarms and that he works as a >> Pierre at a circus in L3. DUO: Pierre? I thought he was a clown. TROWA: I've heard the word "Pierrot", but... I'm not sure that's me. WUFEI: *You're* a clown, Duo. HEERO: Since when is Trowa a princess? It's "him", not "hime." QUATRE: >>His origins are unknown; his name's not even real. [The room shakes violently] DUO: Agrh! Stupid fic! QUATRE: I feel a little dizzy... HEERO: I wonder what the fic is talking about, Mr. Bloom. TROWA: I have no idea.... WUFEI: Blatantly using author knowledge! >> A silencer - DUO: You're a son of a gun, Trowa. >> distant and reserved. Great care is taken not to reveal too much. WUFEI: And no one appreciates it more than we do. QUATRE: What's *that* supposed to mean?! >> This green-eyed latter is no doubt a mystery - and so's the hair. TROWA: Okay, the hair jokes are getting old. >> Quatre Raberba Winner is the only son of the Winner family, one of >> the richest and most aristocratic families in the Neo-Arab Colony, >> with 29 sisters DUO: Your parents must've been busy, eh, Quatre? QUATRE: Th-they're all test-tube babies except me, Duo... WUFEI: Thirty kids. Kami-sama... >> and 40 Maganacs under him. He could very well remain the wealthy >> and pampered heir to the Winners living a good life; but he chose DUO: -To be a moron and go out and fight instead! QUATRE: Duo!! >> to go against the wishes of his father and help Professor H WUFEI: Don't even start on the Scientists.... DUO: No kidding. I mean, I've heard of weird science, but this is pushing it. >> pilot Sandrock and fight to protect the colonies. It seems that >> after his encounter with the other four, he has taken a liking to >> Heavyarms' pilot, Trowa Barton. DUO: OooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooh! QUATRE: He's just a good friend! TROWA: >> Duo turned his attention back to the log beside him. WUFEI: What, they're in a forest now? HEERO: I think the fic means you, Wufei. >> A dangerous grin worked its way across his face. [ALL stare at Duo] DUO: What?! I don't know what that guy up there is thinking! >> He shot up quickly and disappeared, returning a few seconds later >> with a bottle of black paint in one hand and a paintbrush in the >> other. He smiled devilishly TROWA: Devil is disguise... yes you are... QUATRE: O_o >> as he sat down once again next to WuFei and dipped the tip of the >> brush into the bottle. HEERO: Run-on sentence. DUO: You're a perfectionist. HEERO: No, I have good grammar. >> The brush soaked up the contents rapidly and was enveloped by a >> thick coating of blackness. TROWA: I'm guessing it's the paint... >> "Good luck and good bye, WuFei" Duo declared aloud QUATRE: Goodbye?? What, is he going to stab him with the paintbrush?! TROWA: Lead poisoning from the paint, maybe? WUFEI: Why is Duo trying to kill me?!?! HEERO: Comma after "Wufei". >> as he destroyed WuFei's pride by drawing 2 dark circles on his >> eyes. [Long pause] ALL: QUATRE: I can almost see Duo doing that... TROWA: I think the fic-Duo just signed his compact with the Devil. WUFEI: You'd better hope I'm more tolerant in real life, Duo. DUO: O_o I didn't do anything! >> Duo broke into a wide triumphant grin. Just as he proceeded to >> continue with his masterpiece, he heard, somewhere from the back, >> the sound of a laptop being snapped shut. DUO: Oh, I wonder who that could be? HEERO: ..... >> Duos looked with growing curiosity QUATRE: Just how many Duos *are* there? WUFEI: One is more than enough. >> as Heero jumped down from the cockpit of his Wing Gundam and >> solemnly QUATRE: Is he ever *not* solemn? DUO: Yeah, when he's being suicidal. >> make his way out of the cavern where the boys had hidden their >> Gundams. Heero seemed to have forgotten the presence of Duo and had >> walked past without noticing him or the mess he had created on TROWA: -the floor. Bad Duo! Bad! OTHERS: O_o >> WuFei. Duo's hand paused in mid-air and he stopped defacing WuFei. HEERO: I hate puns. [The others back away slightly.] >> His cobalt blue eyes followed Heero across the cavern and he >> watched silently as Heero's back melted WUFEI: Is Heero jumping into pools of acid now? DUO: Eeeew! >> into the black, inky darkness outside. Even when Heero was out of >> sight, Duo's gaze remained fixed on the exit of the cavern, where >> Heero was last seen. He nonchalantly tossed his braid over his >> shoulder, TROWA: There he goes, probably to kill himself again. >> threw down the brush and placed >> the bottle of paint on WuFei's chest, where it bobbed up and down >> with timing to his breathing. HEERO: That sentence needs a rewrite like an otaku needs an anime. >> He scrambled to his feet and headed out the cavern in pursuit of >> the perfect soldier. HEERO: DUO: I saw that!!!!! >> Heero stopped at the edge of the cliff and peered down. WUFEI: ...and promptly jumped off it. >> It looked much higher here than it did from Wing. Below, the >> turbulent waves crashed against the rocks, its edges protruding >> like sharp knives. QUATRE: That's rather pleasant imagery. HEERO: Singular possessive is incorrect. DUO: You're a walking textbook. >> The sea breeze whipped across his DUO: If a problem comes along, you must whip it... WUFEI: Or blow it up, in his case. >> face and played with his hair, messing it up. Heero shivered >> slightly. Scenes of Odin's last moments flashed in him, racing >> through his mind and mesmerizing him. TROWA: No one will be seated during Heero's thrilling flashback scene. >> Heero: "Odin!" >> Odin: "I should have listened to u...I am getting old" HEERO: Y-O-U. Two more key strokes. QUATRE: ...and lack of punctuation... and switching from prose to script form.... >> Heero: "Hold on, I'll go secure an escape route" >> Odin: "...It's too late" >> "You got it?...Never forget what I said...when we >> parted..." >> "This is...the last thing...the last thing...this big >> fool...will tell you..." >> Heero: "......" DUO: Ever the talkative one... >> Odin: "A-All...these years...with you......" >> "W-weren't...so...bad......" >> "......" WUFEI: Yui? Did all this really fall into continuity? HEERO: Does it matter? QUATRE: There's no such thing as continuity in these fanfictions. DUO: "Time? What's Time?" >> After Odin's death, Heero encounters Doctor J for the first time. >> J: "I like the look in your eyes" DUO: Eeew! Sick old freak! QUATRE: O_o HEERO: Missing a period. >> "Wanna pilot a Gundam?" >> Heero thinks of Odin's words. >> Heero: "Sure." HEERO: Half of the time I can't tell if they mean *me*, Heero, Odin Sr. or Jr....- ZECHS: Try not to give away too much plot, will you? WUFEI: What did "Odin's words" have to do with piloting the Wing anyway? Or this story at all? >> Live according to your emotions...that's the proper way for a >> person to live... >> Heero shut his eyes immediately. His body stiffened and his >> breathing was hard and loud. ALL: O_o DUO: Is he having a seizure? A heart attack? >>His eyes reopened. He spun around and whipped out his gun. DUO: Where *does* he keep that thing, anyway? >>"Dare da?" DUO: Wait, no, "Truth". QUATRE: We're speaking Japanese now, Duo.... DUO: Stupid fic, make up your mind! >> He kept his eyes focused on the dark, his finger gently squeezing >> the trigger. An image emerged slowly from the shadows and stepped >> into the moonlight. >>"Chill, man...it's only me, Duo" HEERO: Missing period *again*. >>Heero lowered his gun and eased a little. TROWA: -But only a little. He didn't trust this... American... DUO: Shut up!! Heero trusts me, don't you Heero?? HEERO: ....... >> "Stargazing? You should have called me along with ya. I was getting >> really bored in there, ya know?" Duo stole a glance at Heero. WUFEI: Ha ha, got your glance, Heero! Finders keepers! OTHERS: O_o >> No response. There was a long pause between them. WUFEI: Only because the author forgot what they were doing and couldn't write... [Suddenly Wufei's seat spring-launches him straight into the front wall. The seat resumes its former position.] ZECHS: *Leave the author alone!!* OTHERS: O_O >> He searched his brain to think of what to say next, something that >> wouldn't sound too stupid. HEERO: The unusual amount of thought caused Duo's brain to short out, and he died. The end. DUO: Hey! TROWA: Not really dark, but certainly good. [WUFEI, groaning, returns to his seat] QUATRE: Are you okay?? >> [Are u hungry? HEERO: "You." Y. O. U. TROWA: This fic's hungry for a spell-check. >>Wanna join me and deface WuFei? You like >>stargazing?] Finally, he broke the silence. TROWA: Crash! >> "Today's mission was a breeze, huh? I don't think anybody survived >> the bombing at the OZ base." QUATRE: Well, that was... dark... >> "That's because nobody lives after setting his eyes on a Gundam..." TROWA: If I had a nickel.... WUFEI: It's not his fault. It's in the script. [The room swerves violently, causing the G-Boys to cling to their seats.] ZECHS: You're going to bring down the Multiverse with any more comments like that, 05!! WUFEI: La dee da. >> Surprisingly, Heero spoke. ALL: *Gasp!* >> Duo stared at Heero in surprise. He never thought >> that the guy could actually open his mouth and say something else >> besides "Omae wa korosu". WUFEI: I repeat, for reasons I won't mention this time; it's not his fault. ZECHS: Good boy. HEERO: Omae *o* korosu. To both the fic, *and* Zechs. >> Heero took a few steps and halted next to Duo. >> "Including you and the others." He turned his head slightly and >> looked into Duo's eyes. "Watch out, I might kill u." [Swiftly HEERO stands up, and at the same time pulls out of nowhere a rather large gun, aiming it at the screen. The other boys, realizing what he's doing, jump to stop him.] DUO: Heero! No!! QUATRE: It's just a fic! Just a *fic*! >> "And I love you too, Heero!" Duo replied, his smile stretched from >> ear to ear. DUO: I'm just glad he threatened me. He never kills the ones he threatens. I'm safe. >> The pilot of the Wing Gundam disappeared into the dark. Duo lifted >> his hands and placed them behind his head. TROWA: Traditional Anime Slacker Pose. ZECHS: 03. Fourth. Wall. [HEERO has finally calmed down and is sitting silently in his seat.] >> Tilting his head back, he gazed at the night sky >> that was dimly lit by the stars. WUFEI: The End. ZECHS: Sit down. >> "YOU BASTARD!!" [The Gundam pilots all cover their ears from the blast of sound.] TROWA: Volume, people.... >> "C-Chotto matte, WuFei! It, it was just a..." WUFEI: -pathetic attempt at being funny? Or perhaps just plot contrivance? ZECHS: Remember that thing called the Fourth Wall? Or shall I remind you again? HEERO: That Japanese says, "Wait just a minute," more or less. DUO: You would know best. >> "OMAE WA KOROSU!!!!!" WuFei spat. QUATRE: Please, story, stick with one language. Not everyone speaks Japanese. TROWA: Or pretends to speak it. ZECHS: Do you recall what happened the *last* time someone insulted the author, 03? >> Duo's eyes widened in horror at the sight of HEERO: -The size of the capital letters. >> the object in the Chinese's right hand and ran for his life. ALL: O_o QUATRE: ...."object?" WUFEI: This whole fic's objectionable. >> "COWARD!! STAY AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!!" WuFei screamed out. His eyes >> burned with fury, like two red coals engulfed by blazing flames. DUO: Like a bad simile on a balmy summer's day... >> He gritted his teeth and snarled. TROWA: The others were forced to get him a leash and muzzle. WUFEI: It's not like I'm some wild animal. >> His anger raged in him. WuFei has really lost his head this time. WUFEI: He- I'm angry! Anybody would be angry! That doesn't make me a raving lunatic. TROWA: I believe you're thinking about the fic too much. Please stop before I am forced take drastic measures. WUFEI: Sorry. >> Quatre QUATRE: No! Leave me alone... DUO: Welcome to hell, Quatre. >> awoke to the commotion. The first thing he saw was WuFei; two black >> rings around the eyes, black paint smeared on his shirt and pants, WUFEI: That was my best outfit, too. DUO: You can tell them apart? HEERO: Unless you want to wear your Barton Foundation one, Wufei. [WUFEI growls, the others snigger.] >> running after a hysterical and frantic Duo with his sword in his >> hand. TROWA: That *would* be a sight... DUO: Hey! >> Turning his head to the >> side, Quatre found himself face to face with a pair of familiar >> green eyes and brown, spiky bangs. DUO: Hair! Flow it, show it.... TROWA: ......... >> "Gomen. Did I wake u?" Trowa apologized. WUFEI: He should be sorry for the *spelling*. >> His face was calm and gentle, a contrast to the other two who were >> running around like raving lunatics. [Silence.] WUFEI: Didn't I already make that comparison? HEERO: Don't think about it. It'll hurt less. >> Quatre sat up with a jerk. "I-Iie." He nearly shouted out his >> reply. His face flushed with embarrassment and he felt his face go >> hot. He was wondering how he had fallen asleep on Trowa. DUO: OooooooOOOOOOoooooooh! QUATRE: >> He clearly remembered that he had fallen asleep leaning on the leg >> of Sandrock, or that was what he thought he had remembered. DUO: Trowa! For shame! TROWA: ...maybe he sleepwalks...? DUO: Nice try, buddy. >> "I...er..think I better stop QUATRE: -this fanfic before it gets any worse. >> those two before they end up killing each other," he >> added quickly and got to his feet. >> >> "HAAAAAY-EEELLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" >> "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS GRAVE INSULT, DUO MAXWELL!! YOU'LL DIE FOR >> THIS!!!!" ALL: Stop yelling!!! >> "Yamette! Duo! WuFei! Tatakacha ikenainda! Bokutachi wa!" Quatre >> yelled out, DUO: I'm sure our average American friends understood not a word of that. TROWA: Nor did over half the rest of the world's population. HEERO: From what I see, it roughly translates as, "Stop! Duo! Wufei! Fighting's no good for us!" But more literally, it says "Having a fight won't do! Us!" QUATRE: In other words, it made little sense, overall. WUFEI: Were you expecting it to? Even "Omae o korosu" was spelled incorrectly. >> trying to make himself heard above the noise but his voice was >> drowned out by Duo's screaming. HEERO: Missing comma. >> "May-day!! May-day!! SOS! Back up! Whatever! Just >> HAAAAAAALLLLP!!!!!" ALL: Ha. Ha. Ha. >> As Duo ran, his braid fell to the back and swung wildly behind him. DUO: It's called wind. >> WuFei caught the bait and yanked on it hard. TROWA: Is Wufei a type of fish now? >> "EEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWCCCCCH!!!!" DUO: I agree. >> Duo fell to the floor with a thud. WuFei held on >> tight to the braid. >> "FEEL THE WRATH OF NATAKU!!!!!" [ALL laugh loudly] WUFEI: Even _I_ thought that was pathetic. TROWA: What a vicious revenge. HEERO: Since when do Wufei and Duo fight like preschoolers? QUATRE: You know, that really is a good analogy to this fic... DUO: Suddenly we're all zapped to Gundam Kindergarten where Lady Une's the teacher and- WUFEI: Try not to give the fic ideas, okay guys? >> Duo's heart skipped a beat. Just as WuFei was about to swing his >> sword and hack off the braid, ALL: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz........... >> he felt someone's hand go under his arms and over his shoulders, >> restricting him. WuFei looked back. >> "Hanase!! Hanaseyo!!!" WuFei hissed. >> "Hanseyo!!!! Hanaseyo!!!" Duo shouted out in pain. HEERO: "Speak, speak"? Are we all dogs now?! QUATRE: I'm thinking it's a mild spelling mistake..."Hanasu" is "let go".... >> Trowa took no notice of the two and continued to hold on tight to >> WuFei. DUO: Well then he certainly noticed Wufei, didn't he? TROWA: What? Wufei? How did you get into my restraining grip? I hadn't noticed. >> Quatre, on the other hand, tried desperately to pry WuFei's fingers >> off Duo's hair. He had held on to it stubbornly and had refused to >> let go. QUATRE: It just keeps going....and going.... DUO: Stay frosty, Quatre. Don't let it get to you. >> Then, all of a sudden, HEERO: -I hit the self-destruct button on Wing Zero, and blew up the cavern. Everyone within a five mile radius died a horribly bloody death. The End. TROWA: Dark. Nice. HEERO: I try. >> his grip loosened. Heero had struck WuFei so hard at the back of >> his neck that he lost consciousness. ALL: O_o DUO: Violent much? >> WuFei collapsed into the hands of Trowa and did not move. QUATRE: Unconscious people usually don't.... >> Trowa flung the motionless body over his shoulder DUO: That's probably the first time Wufei has been likened to a sack of potatoes. [TROWA starts laughing] >> and carried him off to Shenlong. Duo heaved a sigh of relief. He >> looked up gratefully to thank his tank-topped benefactor but Heero >> had returned back to Wing and started working on the laptop again. HEERO: I think there's a mild grammatical error in there, but my mind is so numbed by the idiocy of it all that I couldn't tell. DUO: I think that's the longest sentence you've said in your whole life, Heero. QUATRE: I think the story switched tense in the middle there. HEERO: Hn. >> He had only stopped his work to interfere, as he couldn't >> concentrate with the noise the others were creating. Duo climbed on >> onto the leg of Wing and sat down. >> "Heero! You're my hero!! [ALL groan] HEERO: I. Hate. Puns. >> Thank God for you! I thought I was a goner! I thought >> my hair was a goner! WUFEI: He only has one? DUO: I have a lovely, *full* head of hair, thank you! >> I'm like totally grateful to u HEERO: ........ TROWA: No, Heero. You can kill Zechs when we get out of here, but no self-destructing. >> for saving my butt, er, braid...whatever. DUO: Thank you for the theoretically humorous line, story. May I have another? >> But the thing is, I..." >> "Duo." Heero interrupted Duo in his rattling. [Pause] QUATRE: In his what? TROWA: I think it's a small grammar mistake. I hope. >> "Hmm??" >> "Shut up." >> Duo hung his head low and sighed. "Hai, hai. Doomo sumimasen." HEERO: "Yes, yes, excuse me sorry." One apology will be quite sufficient, thank you. >> "Duo!" It was Quatre. "We gotta leave soon!" TROWA: Since when does the head of the Winner family have such poor grammar? QUATRE: Since I got stuck in this fic. >> "I hear you!" >> He hopped off and raced to his God of Death. DUO: Actually, it's just a big hunk of metal. *I'm* usually referred to as the God of Death. >> Quatre was the first to speak after hours from leaving the cavern. >> He was piloting the shuttle along with Heero in the front while the >> rest were seated at the back comfortably, except for WuFei who was >> tied to his seat and gagged. TROWA: No one will be seated during the uselessly descriptive paragraph. HEERO: You already used that riff. TROWA: Sorry. The fic's giving me brain damage. >> He was still fuming mad from that incident back at the cavern and >> he wasn't going to let it go until justice has been done to atone >> for his insult. DUO: Blah blah-dee blah blah blah. WUFEI: I don't really sound like that, do I? HEERO: Rrgh. The story switch tense mid-sentence *again*. >> He did, however, stop fidgeting in his seat after 2 hours. His >> cursing and swearing also ceased, as he was aware that his efforts >> would only be in vain. Every sound he produced only came out as a >> muffled roar. TROWA: r0ar. HEERO: No one's going to get that, you know. Not even all the Light's End people. TROWA: Hey, if I get one, then it'll be worth it. ZECHS: I'm not sure if that's a breech or not. HEERO: ...It's not. Trust me. >> Duo napped. He was exhausted from all that excitement and he needed >> his beauty sleep. WUFEI: He'll be out a while... DUO: Hey! I resent that! WUFEI: Suck it up, funny boy. >> Trowa had his arms folded and eyes closed. He was growing lethargic >> from the long journey and felt that he needed to get some shut-eye. TROWA: Thank you for another pointless description, story. You're quite good at them. >> "Where are we heading?" Heero inquired. >> "L4." Quatre answered. "We'll make the preparations for the Gundams >> at my place." >>Heero didn't say a thing. DUO: How is this different from his normal behavior? Is it even necessary to write? HEERO: ......... >> Duo grimaced in his sleep. He was having nightmares of >> a panda with a sword in its hand chasing after him. WUFEI: How... stereotypical. >> He tossed and turned and mumbled a few words. WuFei, for obvious >> reasons, TROWA: Unless you've been ignoring the plot... HEERO: ...like I've been trying to do.... >> kept his mouth shut. >> [This is kid-nap.] He narrowed his eyes. Heero just stared into >> space and said nothing. Then, all of a sudden, long fringed pilot QUATRE: Who?? DUO: "Fringed?" What the hell? TROWA: Just smile and nod. WUFEI: Don't make me laugh. HEERO: Missing a particle such as "the". >> stood up and walked to the other compartment of the shuttle. >> "Doko iku? Trowa?" Quatre turned his head and asked. HEERO: "You're going where." It's not a question without the "ka". WUFEI: I could make some comments about that but I don't want to be thrown across the room again. >> Trowa paused a while before answering. "I just want to return to >> the circus and get my stuff. I'll see u at your place later." DUO: Not if ICU first. >> With that, he left. The rest of the journey was continued in >> silence. QUATRE: Wait, he "left"? What, did he just jump out of the plane or something? DUO: Sounds like something Heero would do. >> WuFei was released on the condition that he wouldn't attempt to >> hurl at Duo once he was untied. TROWA: I didn't think Wufei got air-sick. QUATRE: Eww... >> He had to abide by that or he would never be free of the wretched >> rope that bound him. DUO: Well, La-dee-da! WUFEI: I give up. Heero, about that self-destruct idea.... >> He never spoke to Duo after that. QUATRE: Never ever ever. >> Even at dinner, when they assembled in the dining room of the >> Winner's house, WuFei totally ignored Duo and acted as if he was >> invisible. >> "Aw, c'mon WuFei. I said I was sorry!" Duo heard himself say for >> the 324th. time HEERO: Can he really count that high? DUO: Hey!! [TROWA starts laughing again] WUFEI: And why would he bother counting? >> that evening. WuFei pretended not to hear andslurped up his bowl of >> soup. >> "WuFei!!" >> "SLURP!!" DUO: That's rather rude... QUATRE: Actually, it is considered polite in much of Japan to slurp your soup or noodles... DUO: No no, I meant him ignoring me. >> "Wu-" >> "SLUURRPPPP!!!!!" >> Heero took a bite out of his sandwich. His other hand dribbled >> across the keys of his laptop and his eyes stayed glued to the >> screen that was throwing light of his face. "Ninmu kanryo." HEERO: I don't even know what that says. And I don't particularly care anymore. (("Mission accomplished.")) >> The laptop shut tight. Another mission was >> accomplished. Distraction was written all over his face. TROWA: Has Duo been in the paint again? >> He took another bite out of his sandwich, not realizing that Duo >> was observing him. TROWA: I wonder when he'll notice the paint? [WUFEI, in the meantime, has rested his head on the seat in front of him, and doesn't appear to moving anytime soon. Quatre is also looking a bit drowsy.] >> "By the way, where's Trowa?" QUATRE: Right here, next to me... TROWA: That was the fic, Quatre. >> Quatre asked around and raised his cup to his lips. DUO: Tea, do doubt.... QUATRE: What's wrong with tea? >> As soon as he finished his sentence, Trowa walked in, accompanied >> by a companion. Everyone's eyes fell on the unexpected visitor. >> Quatre choked. HEERO: He died, leaving the Winner estate to his sisters. Seeing their wealth, each of the remaining Gundam Pilots married into the Winner family and became rich and powerful. The End. TROWA: That wasn't dark, it was demented. >> Duo inched near the exit and reached out for doorknob. Heero and >> WuFei looked at each other before diverting their attention back to >> their meal. DUO: Because nothing scares *them*, of course. HEERO: Were they sharing the meal? Pluralize, please. >> The visitor yawned, baring its pointy teeth. HEERO: It turned out that Trowa's friend was a vampire. He bit them all on the neck, and sucked out all of their blood, leaving nothing but hollow corpses. The End. TROWA: Now *that* was dark... >> Its mane was wild and unruly. Duo broke into a cold sweat. Quatre >> paled. >> "I hope you don't mind me bringing him here but I couldn't bear to >> leave him" Trowa stroked the head of his beloved lion. HEERO: The lion, frightened by the grammar mistakes, suddenly freaked out. It attacked Trowa, tearing him to bloody shreds. Then it turned on the others, making quick meals out of their juicy flesh. The End. TROWA: That wasn't dark. That was just plain scary. DUO: You really want out of here, don't you, Heero? >> "N-N-Not at a-all!" Quatre had no idea he was stammering. DUO: Looks like the grammar really is frightening, Trowa. >> Duo was out of the door already. >> "I just need to feed him now, that's all" TROWA: A lack of punctuation makes him hungry. >> "W-With?" >> "Meat. What else?" >> "MEAT?" [HUMAN MEAT??] HEERO: The government would shut down that circus in a heartbeat if that were true. >> Quatre passed out cold on the on the floor. >> "Quatre! Daijoubu ka? Quatre!" HEERO: "Quatre! Are you alright? Quatre!" TROWA: Speaking of whom... [They all glance over at Quatre, who has fallen asleep, leaning against his armrest.] DUO: Aww! You two look just like the fanfic! TROWA: ...... HEERO: Two down, three to go.... >> Trowa shook Quatre. No answer. He bent down, slipped his arms under >> the blond and picked him up gently. Facing his lion, he commanded >> softly in a gentle tone. DUO: You will eat this one first. >> "Come." The lion followed his master obediently. While walking back >> to the young master's room, Trowa glanced at the boy he carried in >> his arms. A slight smile curled on his lips. TROWA: As opposed to the look I'm making right now... >> [You never were meant for the battlefield... Quatre] ALL: Awwwwww! >> Heero opened the door and walked out of the house. DUO: Did the fic jump forward in time without telling us again? It does that a lot. >> 5 minutes later, he came back in and slammed the door behind him. >> The door swung open and Duo followed in after Heero, holding on to >> his nose. [ALL break out into loud, obnoxious, cynical laughter] DUO: Oh, that was a good one... WUFEI: Will you all shut up? Some of us are trying to sleep here. QUATRE: W-what? Did I fall asleep? >> Duo had gotten a fist in his face for trying to scare Heero. When >> Heero had walked under the tree Duo was sitting on, Duo appeared >> all of a sudden hanging upside down on a branch and went "BOO!!" HEERO: Yeah, I think I actually would have punched him. TROWA: Agreeing with the fic? I don't know if I can accept that... HEERO: Sorry. >> It was already bad enough to be punched by Heero in the face. Now, >> he had him closing the door in his face too. Not to mention that >> Duo himself fell off the tree when Heero punched him. Talk about >> bad luck. DUO: Intense Slapstick *Action!* >> "I guess he's pretty upset about the Gundams" Duo rubbed his nose >> and strapped a Band-Aid across it. QUATRE: More anime visual references. ZECHS: ...I'll give you that one.... >> WuFei couldn't help but overhear Duo talking to himself. He got up >> from the couch and switched off the TV. >> [Nataku...] WUFEI: Duo, least of all people, makes me think of Nataku, with the possible exception of wishing he was more like her... DUO: ...Her? >> Quatre regained consciousness a few hours later. He glanced at the >> clock in his room. "It's almost time" He summoned a servant. >> "Please gather the rest to the basement" The servant nodded and >> departed. TROWA: Doesn't he think it odd to wake up in his room, when he was having dinner before? HEERO: Plot contrivance. >> Everyone was present except Trowa. >> "Where's Trowa?" >> "Gomen-nasai. Quatre-sama, but there is none who wishes to enter >> his room to call for him. He has brought the beast in with him." DUO: Satsuki would be unhappy... ZECHS: 02, Shhhh!! >> "Cowards!" WuFei said before making his way to Trowa's room. >> Minutes later, the duo appeared. DUO: The one and only. [The others sweat-rain] QUATRE: I think they mean it as "the both of them", Duo... >> "It's time..." >> "Target lock on" DUO: Boom! Boom! TROWA: Dawnt! Dawnt! >> Quatre looked at the rest for support. Trowa nodded. Quatre >> pushed a button to open a gateway and release the shuttle. HEERO: >> Day was approaching. >> The sun rose slowly, colouring HEERO: "Color." Unless you're British. TROWA: Or are pretending to be. ZECHS: What did I was about author cracks? TROWA: Sorry. >> the sky. The five watched quietly as the shuttle >> holding their Gundams headed for the sun. DUO: There's a song in there, but I'm too damn tired... TROWA: I'll do it. I don't mind the sun sometimes... >> OZ had been defeated. Their mission was finally accomplished. There >> was no need for Gundams anymore now that peace has been restored to >> the colonies they had sworn to protect. It was time to let go... HEERO: This person obviously hasn't seen Endless Waltz yet, have they? [The room whips around faster than a squirrel in a blender.] WUFEI: Yui!!! TROWA: Either that or Narrative Casualty has taken over the fic... DUO: You just noticed? >> Justice has been served. Rest in peace, Nataku. >> Thank you, my Sandrock... >> Goodbye forever, Heavyarms... TROWA: No one will be seated during- HEERO: Nope, it's been done. >> Farewell, pal. Your spirit will live on in me as >> Shinigami...always... >> Wing... I'll never forget... HEERO: ...all the bad grammar in this fic.... >> They were finally free. ALL: Thank God! ZECHS: If only it were that simple, hmm, boys? >> "Let's go home" >> Their destination: Earth. QUATRE: Actually, our homes are in the Colonies, except for Trowa whose circus is on Earth, and Wufei whose colony was- WUFEI: Enough, Quatre. We know. >> This is my first attempt at a fanfic so it may not be that good. >> Please bear with me okay? DUO: How about not. TROWA: I think I can get a bear from the circus... HEERO: To eat this story? QUATRE: Maybe we should give the poor author a break, guys. They're new at this. WUFEI: That's no excuse for a lack of spell-check. >> If you have any comments or suggestions, please email me! DUO: Let's not and say we didn't. QUATRE: Oh my gosh, is it over? Can we leave? ZECHS: Well boys, have you gone insane yet? Or gained super-human abilities? HEERO: No. But we'll tell you what we think of it. ZECHS: Um........ w-well, alright.... DUO: I suppose it was meant to be funny, but it really wasn't. All of the humorous situations were either highly improbable or Three Stooges rip-offs. QUATRE: Well, the characterization was not very accurate. Most were exaggerated versions of our real selves.... Wufei overly tense, Duo childish.... also, the story made blatant use of author knowledge at times... HEERO: The spelling wasn't too terrible (for a first draft, at least), and was, at most, annoying. The biggest problems were the use of "u" and the lack of punctuation. TROWA: One of the more frustrating points was the use of Japanese phrases. While they were fairly simple, one should *not* expect the reader to know what they say. Not that it matters - half of the time the Japanese was incorrect, anyway. ZECHS: .......................I-I see. Well, what about you, 05? WUFEI: You will let me out. Right now. [To Be Continued!] -------------------------- SHAMELESS PLUGS ETCETRA! PURPOSE: There are a lot of bad Gundam Wing fics out there, but there are few MSTs of them. Just filling in the gap. GWMST SEASON 1: Zechs kidnaps the five Gundam pilots to use them as guinea-pigs in the hopes of gaining enhanced powers. Episode 1 - Journey Home [10-25-01] Episode 2 - People: Exposed [10-25-01] Episode 3 - Chibi Chang Wufei [In Progress] Episode 4 - Happy Pills [In Progress] Episode 5 - Gotch Ya [In Progress] Episode 6 - Truth or Dare [In Progress] Episode 7 - Happy Pills 2 [In Progress] OTHER WORKS BY NADIA & LYE: SATELLITE OF SHANGRI-LA - Laugh (and cry) along with the cast of Saiyuki, as they peruse a variety of anime fanfictions. THE MSTING OF X - The fate of the world can wait - we have a movie to riff! LINKAGE: This MST and more can be found on Nadia and Lye's anime fansite: Chuuburu no Anime - http://amaiotaku.net/chuuburu/ Nadia's Pointless Plug-4-The-MST: http://cherrycoma.net/ CONTACT: Nadia - nadiafrey@hotmail.com Lye - lye_thyme@hotmail.com BORING CRAP: All characters and creations are property of their creators and are used without permission for no profit. For entertainment only: no insult, injury, or infringement is intended. Always avoid annoying alliteration. Do not pass go, do not collect $100. All rights reversed. STINGER: >> "Heero! You're my hero!! I'm like totally grateful to u!"