Usagi's Usual Morning WRITTEN BY: Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong MSTIED BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!! EDITED BY: Alicia Ashby a.k.a. Lynxara This is my fifty second MST, and it's a goofy one at that. Never in all my career as an MSTier have I riffed something that didn't try to have a plot nor contained ALL the bad lemon cliches out there. The thing that gets me the most about this, despite the massive amount of estrogen abundant in Usagi, is why no one bothered to MST this before I did. Hmmm... must be one of those cosmic mysteries or something... Oh yeah, one last thing, this MST is not meant as an insult. Think of it as a funnier form of C&C. LEGAL STUFF: All characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. Please don't sue me for I am merely borrowing your characters and not laying any claim on them. The following fanfic which is MSTied belongs to the author and not me... thank god... ^_^ Now, on to the show!!! _________________________________________________________________ Joel gasped as he wiped his forehead clean of the sheen of sweat that had grown there when he had entered the bridge. The heat had been turned up by someone to about thirty degrees Celsius, prompting the man to wonder who had done it and if he should change into a pair of swimming trunks before his entire jumpsuit was soaked in sweat. "Oh, hello, Joel!" Tom greeted him. The red robot was laying on top of the console before the three buttons, a pair of sunglasses on his head and blue swimming trunks on his lower body. He took a sniff as Joel came closer and coughed. "Geez, Joel, forget to shower?" "Yeah, you smell bad enough to down a herd of elephants," Crow commented, walking onto the bridge with a bottle of sunscreen in his net. "What are you two doing?" Joel asked, noting the summer attire. "Well, me and Crow here got bored and decided to watch Star Trek: TNG," Tom started. "After seeing Data go on about becoming more human, we decided to give it a go and see what happened." "And we thought about what humans went through in their short lives so that we could experience it ourselves and thus, become human one day," Crow finished. "So how do you explain the sunglasses and tan lotion?" Joel asked. "We figured that we experience the weather first, more specifically, summer, so we cranked up the heat, got out the glasses and lotion, and here we are," Tom said. "But you can't just have warm weather to experience summer and become human!" Joel exclaimed, running over to the controls and turning the temperature down. "You need to have bugs and dry heat and bad traffic on the way to the beach and broken air conditioning and..." "Okay, okay! We've got the idea, Joel." Tom sighed and tried getting up, but merely fell off the table and onto his side. "Uh, a little help here?" "There goes this afternoon," Crow complained. "And I was gonna spend it picking up chicks at the beach. With this beautiful golden tan, I would've been able to get any woman I wanted! Heh heh heh..." "But Crow, that's not a tan but your normal coloring," Joel pointed out. "DOH!" After setting Tom up, Joel noticed the light flashing and tapped it. "You two had better continue this later. Bad weather is calling." DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester sighed in relief as the automatic fan swiveled and brought cool air gushing his way. "Turn up the air conditioning a bit, Frank. We don't want to melt in here," he commanded his assistant before taking notice of the camera. "Hello there boobies! As you can see, the summer heat has finally arrived and we're doing what we can to endure it." "Too hot... water... need water..." Frank gasped as he crawled towards the fridge. "Oh, take it like a man, Frank!" Dr. Forrester shouted. "Now, I believe it's time for the invention exchange." looking over his shoulder, he sighed as he saw Frank pass out on the floor from heat exhaustion. "While I revive Frank, why don't you three go ahead with yours?" SATELLITE OF LOVE "Ph, but of course!" Tom said. "As you all know, kids everywhere love cookies, any kind at any time of the day!" Joel started. "But parents, in their ever loving care, prevent kids from having cookies at the time they want them the most..." Crow continued. "At breakfast," Joel and the bots said simultaneously. "What we have done," Tom took over as Joel knelt down and picked up a plain looking cookie bag and set it on the console. "... is make a cookie that kids can enjoy without their parents objecting." "And we know what you're thinking, but this isn't a fruity nutritional bar," Joel explained. "It's got all the fat and sugar of a regular cookie plus the one thing that separates it from others." "It's bacon flavored!" said Crow as Joel took out a cookie and bit into it. Almost immediately, his face turned green and he ran out off the bridge. "This is but the first in our new line of breakfast junk food. Soon, we'll have egg and toast flavored cookies," Tom continued, oblivious to Joel's absence. "We're also working on spreading making other kinds of breakfest flavored junkfood," Crow added. "Just think of it! Jam flavored potato chips, waffle flavored ice cream, and even coffee flavored pop!" Joel walked back onto the bridge, still looking a little green and wiping a rag over his mouth. "What do you think, sirs?" DEEP 13 After having splashed Frank with two buckets of cold water, the assistant had come around and was now preparing the mad doctor's invention for showing. "My invention delves deep into the human psychic, drawing on it's weaknesses to exploit! For I have a tank..." He paused for dramatic effect before continuing. "... being driven by a monkey!!!" Frank awwwed over how cute the money dressed in army clothes was as he drove the tank before being run over by it. "As Frank has just demonstrated, people everywhere like how cute monkeys look either doing human things or dressing up as humans. With this invention, people all around the world will be too occupied with talking about how cute the monkey looks before they're either blown up or ran over! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" Dr. Forrester stopped laughing as the monkey drove the tank out through the exit of Deep 13, smashing it down and creating a bigger one in the process. He arched an eyebrow at the destruction and his flattened, yet still living, assistant before turning back to Joel and the bots. "Of course, there are some kinks to work out.. but Frank will work those out later. And now, for today's expierement. It's a little something with little plot and lots of lemon: Usagi's Usual Morning, by Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong. Send them the hurt, Frank." When Dr. Forrester noted that his assistant wasn't moving, he pressed the button to send the fanfic up to Joel and the bots. SATELITE OF LOVE "Are you feeling okay there, Joel? You look sick..." Tom observed. Joel threw the bag of bacon flavored cookies into the garbage bin. "I think we need to rethink that invention..." Suddenly, the lights started to flash and the sirens sounded. "But in the meantime, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel and the bots ran crazily about before entering the theater, Crow feebly starting a Senshi panty chant, but failing miserably. [DOOR SQUENCE... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...] [Joel walks in, carrying Tom in his arms, and sets the red robot in the third seat before sitting down in the second one. Crow follows closely behind and sits in the first seat.] TOM: So we finally got it, the lemon that started the whole Senshi lesbian craze. JOEL: I highly doubted the internet needed a fanfic to start *that* particular craze... CROW: Whoo hoo! Sailor Moon lemon! Moon me, baby, moon me! >Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong JOEL: Fanfic writer or really bad Western gunfighter... *you* decide! >mjs@ascensionet.com (OneShot) >Sailor Moon: Usagi's usual morning CROW: Get up, freak out over being late for school, gobble down breakfast, and streak for school. TOM: You forgot getting dressed. CROW: Well, why else did I say streak? >Note:This is a lemon. TOM: It is small, oval shaped, yellow and sour tasting. It is also used to make lemonade. JOEL: Wrong kind of lemon, Tom. TOM: Damn... >Reading this over and over again in certain sections could cause >pain to come about on certain parts of your body. CROW: Especially if you're fondling those certain parts of your body over and over again. >I hope you enjoy..... reading this ;) TOM: Why is the author smiling? JOEL: Heh heh... I just remembered that really good episode of Seinfeld. Man, that Kramer really cracks me up. >The summer sun shone high above Usagi's house, JOEL: I would hope so! Can you imagine if it was shining *inside* her house? >so bright that it would obscure one's view of the lovely home. CROW: *THUD* Owww... JOEL: Who was that? CROW: The milkman. >The winds were calm and soothing, gently rustling the leaves on >the tress that dotted the city. It was a beautiful Saturday >morning, far to beautiful to have it spent indoors. JOEL: Thus, Usagi pawned it at the local pawn shop to buy several pounds of candy. >Usagi yawned out loud, CROW: Blargh! JOEL: Ewww! Morning breath! TOM: I hope part of her usual morning is rinsing her mouth with mouthwash. >stretching her arms away from her body, TOM: Luna, I dropped my arms on the floor again! CROW: That isn't Usagi, it's Mr Fantastic with a sex change and a dye job! >getting the kinks of sleep out of her system. She sat upright, >letting the blankets fall from her shoulders, and onto her legs. JOEL: The hell with hot passionate sex! *THIS* is how you grab the reader's attention in a lemon! >As see CROW: ... London, as see France, as gonna soon be seeing Usagi's underpants! >rubbed her eyes, ALL: >her vision slowly started to focus, TOM: The windex and paper towels didn't hurt either. >the images of her cat, Luna, who was sleeping peacefully on the >floor, and the rest of the room becoming crisp and clear. TOM: See? >She yawned again, [Everyone coughs and waves their hand in front of their faces again.] JOEL: For the love of god, please rinse your mouth out! >getting up out of bed, her bed sheets falling to the floor, >enveloping Luna completely. Luna immediately awoke and went into >a state of panic, clawing her way out. CROW: No, that's a bad kitty!!! >She thought someone was trying to kidnap her by throwing a bag >over her. JOEL: Luna's stupid like that. >"Now look at what you've done!" Usagi said, exasperation in her >voice. Her bedsheets were tattered and torn, ripped to shreds. TOM: Uh, heh heh... sorry. Know how to sew? >The remnants of her blanket were all over the place, some on the >bed, some on the table, most of them on the floor. JOEL: Methinks it's time to have Luna declawed. >"I'm sorry" Luna said, feeling embarrassed, crimping down into a >little ball CROW: Kick the kitty! *THUMP* JOEL: ROWL! >"I thought I was being kidnapped" "Kidnap? Why would someone >want to do that, Luna?" Usagi said with a sweet smile. TOM: Oh? You didn't see Oscar the night he and Artemis broke up, did you?! >She was kneeling down beside the cat. Luna regarded her for a >second, JOEL: Hmmm... if I scratch her eyes out now, I can make my dash for freedom... >noticing how more mature Usagi had grown. CROW: How *VERY* mature... eh? Eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge? KnowwhatImean? >Usagi was now 18, and had fully blossomed into woman hood. TOM: The long years of watering and giving her plenty of sunlight had finally paid off. >Her figure was more curvy, definitely noticable amoung the boys. >Her childlike facial qualities had changed, JOEL: Of course, now she looked like a member of KISS. >changed for the better. She was absolutely beautiful, so >beautiful that students in her school had trouble concentrating >on their work because they were within such close proximity to >her. CROW: The fact that she wore that tight leather dominatrix outfit didn't hurt either. TOM: Call me the Queen! OHO HO HO HO HO HO!!! JOEL: They'll be doing that in the future, remember? >She still kept her hair in the same fashion as when she was >little, two long tails that extended out from the side of her >pushed back golden hair, extending down towards to ground in >wide arcs. JOEL: And it also doubles as a handy whip weapon in case she's attacked. >Her bangs were a little bit longer these days, TOM: Now she was able to get three orgasms in one night. CROW: Watching those pornos and using the KY Jelly certainly helped. JOEL: But she still couldn't keep up in the gang bangs like her friends could. >covering over her beautiful crystal blue eyes. Not only had she >changed in appearance, but in personality also. She lost her >sense of irresponsiblity, JOEL: Can you imagine being scolded for that? TOM: Now if you hadn't been so irresponsible then you wouldn't have- wait a minute... >substituted with reliability and trustworthiness. She was much >more caring, helping out anyone she knew or didn't know. CROW: Cause we all know what an unselfish SOB she was before, eh guys? >She no longer pigged-out on sweets, TOM: Just pop, chips, and other junk food. >or pigged-out for that matter. Usagi realized that if she kept >eating sweets, her teeth would rot and fall out. Fortunately, >she had quit at a young age. JOEL: Of course, the intervention group helped. >And to show for it, she had the most beautiful sparkling white >teeth, CROW: ... that money could buy. >which made her look gorgeous when she smiled. Her high pitched >exasperating giggle was now replaced by a sensuous laugh, TOM: OHO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!!! OTHERS: GYAH! JOEL: You do that too well, Tom. TOM: What can I say? It's a gift. >a laugh all guys would die for to hear. She still kept those >long slim legs that seemed to stretch all the way to the >heavens. CROW: She's HUGE! JOEL: No, she's TALL! There's a difference. >All in all, Usagi was definitely a pleasing sight for sore eyes. > "Hey Luna, what do plan on doing on this beautiful morning?" >Usagi asked, TOM: First off, I'm going to get you to stop talking like Shampoo. >gently scooping Luna up JOEL: I'd like a double scoop of luna with a bowl of chocolate chip mint, please? >in her slender arms, scratching her ontop of her head, right >where she liked it. CROW: Usagi's got magic fingers. TOM: And we're going to find out just how magical they're gonna get later on. >"I don't know" Luna said, feeling sad when Usagi stopped >scratching her head. JOEL: Keep scratching... keep scratching, damn you, or else I'll tear your eyes out! >"Well...Ami, Minako, Makoto, Rei, and I all planned on TOM: ... having that huge orgy later on. You want to join? JOEL: I swear, if you're right about that... >going to the beach together so we could get a nice tan. You >wanna come along?" Usagi asked, CROW: Oh yeah, there's nothing I enjoy more then licking sand and salt water out of my hair. >raisng the blinds of her window, letting in a barrage of warm >sunlight enter the room. JOEL: Ratatatatatata- CROW: Ahh... a beautiful day... the sun is shining, the sky is clear... TOM: ... the youma of the day is rampaging through the neighborhood... JOEL: ... the local Self-Insertion is seducing Ami with his Aura of Smooth... CROW: Just another typical day. >"Usagi, I think you should pull the blinds back down" Luna said,>her eyes hurting slightly as they adjusted to the light. TOM: My eyes! I'm blind... BLIND!!! >"How come?" Usagi asked, already opening up the window itself. CROW: The fact that you're topless might have something to do with it. >"Because...you're only wearing your nightgown" Luna said. A >gust of wind entered through the window, causing Usagi's >nightgown tofly upward, over her head, revealing her pink silk >panties and nothing else. JOEL: How convenieeeeeent! CROW: Thank you, nature! TOM: Crow, put that camera away. >Anyone who happened to have been walking by would've had a >gorgeousview of her firm breasts and her panties. TOM: [looking close] Hey, Calvin Kline brand. JOEL: Shameless product plug number one. >And anyone with really great vision CROW: Or a camera with telescopic lenses... >would've seen the little wisps of golden pubic hair that peek >out from the side. Fortunately for Usagi, no one happened to >have been walking by. After Usagi pulled her nightgown back >down to her slim waist, her face was blushing a deep shade of >red. JOEL: She's almost as red as you are, Tom. TOM: No, she's blushing more of a fire engine red. I'm a crimson red. >She quickly took a glance out the window to see if there were >anybody nearby. "Good, no one saw what happened" Usagi said in >relief, CROW: This dialogue brought to you by the Department of Redundancy department. Their motto: Repetition can never be repeated enough. >taking a step backand flopping back onto the bed. TOM: Crushing it beneath her weight. JOEL: And here I thought you gave up on the junk food, Usagi. >Luna sat there, trying to keep her urge oflaughing at bay. JOEL: With a whip and chair, no less. CROW: Back laughing, back! >Usagi looked at her clock, which was ontop of a nearby dresser >draw. TOM: Ohmigod, I'm late! Miss Haruna's gonna kill me! CROW: But it's a Saturday, Usagi! JOEL: >"Okay, it's ten right now" Usagi said, taking to herself "That >gives mehalf an hour to get ready and another half an hour to >get on over to Rei'stemple" CROW: Oh yeah, Rei told me to tell you to pick up some cucumbers at the supermarket. OTHERS: Ugh... >Usagi sat back upright and stretched one more time, JOEL: She stretches anymore and she'll be taller then Paul Wight. >feeling the delicatemuscles in her arms loosen. TOM: >She then got back onto her feet and removed her nightgown, CROW: Oh darn, the zippers stuck. You wanna lend me a hand here, Luna? JOEL: But I don't *have* hands... >making sure see was far enough away from the window so nobody >could get an eyeful of what she just revealed a second ago. TOM: But of course, that's what the hidden cameras are for. >Wearing nothing else but her pink silk panties, Usagi opened her >door and went out into the hallway, JOEL: ... totally freaking her mom and dad out and disgusting Shingo to no end. >heading for the bathroom for a bath. By now, Luna would've >scolded Usagi for her lack of modesty. But it wouldn't help. CROW: I'm a big girl now and I can show off my breasts *whereever* I want! >Usagi's little brother and parents weren't around, and they >wouldn't be back for several weeks. TOM: Several weeks?! Where the heck did they go to? Mars? CROW: But the Cherry Hill Temple isn't THAT far away. TOM: Oh, very funny, smart mouth. >Usagi's parents would've felt reluctant about leaving their only >daughter home alone, CROW: That is, till they discovered their new found sense of irresponsibility. >scared they they would come home and find their house in >shambles, JOEL: Fortunately, they had hired out a small team of mercenaries to solve any potential problems. TOM: But honey, the nice men with guns are here to *help* you look after the house, not to babysit you. >which would be a result of a party Usagi probably decided to >throw. CROW: Yup, leave those Inner Senshi alone for a moment and they all turn into crazed party animals! >But that's how they would've felt severalyears ago, when Usagi >was irresponsible and untrustworthy. But now, several years >later, JOEL: A few blackmails, death threats, and a mind control potion in the cereal... >she had grown up and learned to be responsible and considerate. >She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, TOM: Take *VERY* good care of herself. Eh? Eh? CROW: As we are all about to see in a few minutes here. >and was trusted in not getting into any trouble while her >parents were gone on a much needed vacation. JOEL: And when they say vacation, they mean moving away. >Usagi's brother was stuck going along with them TOM: But I don't wanna go! CROW: You're coming with us! TOM: But I don't wanna! CROW: I insist... >because they felt that he would do nothing but bother Usagi, >leaving the house to no one else but Usagi for several weeks. JOEL: As was stated the last few times. CROW: Man, the Redundancy department is sure getting allot of money out of this fic for the Redundancy department. >Usagi sat down on the side of the bathtub, gingerly placing her >hand in the water to test its tempertaure. TOM: KYAAA!!!! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!! >"Perfect" she said to herself, reaching over and closing the >running faucet. CROW: Damn, caught again. >The water was warm, just the way she liked it. Once satisfied >that her bath was ready, she stood back up, JOEL: This fic is nothing but panty shots and standing action! >looking at her reflection inthe full-length mirror, admiring her >perfectly formed breasts, CROW: And when she says perfectly formed, she means artificially enhanced. TOM: Thousands of dollars of plastic surgery at it's best, ladies and gentlemen! >which wereperfectly round and as firm as it could get, JOEL: Now we know that this is fan*fiction*. No woman's breasts are perfectly round. TOM: Yes, there's this little thing call gravity, I believe. >so firm that she wouldn'tneed a bra to keep it from boucing all >around whenever she jogged. TOM: SEE Usagi's BREASTS OF STEEL!!! CROW: No bouncy bouncy? JOEL: This is Usagi here, Crow, not Mai Shuranui. >Usagi could see her great breasts glistening with the JOEL: Fresh coat of Turtle Wax she had just used. TOM: Shameless product plug number two. >condensation that clung to her delicate skin. TOM: Oil of Olay: It really works. CROW: Shameless product plug number three. >Slowly, she took her gaze from her luscious mounds, CROW: I'm hungry for melons, yet I don't know why. >andonto her gorgeous face. Usagi noticed how pout and full her >lips were, a definite turn-on amoung the boys. CROW: Hey guys! You got your priorities messed up! It's chest, butt, THEN face, okay? JOEL: Anyone ever tell you that you're a real Romeo, Crow? CROW: Hey, I know what I like. >But for some reason, she couldn't quite tell why. TOM: You've got "Call me!" and your phone number tattooed on your lips. >Her beautiful liquid blue eyes just oozed sensuality, ALL: Eww... JOEL: Spill in aisle three... repeat, spill in aisle three. >able to putboys into trances with just a single wink. Moving her >gaze south, TOM: And just *why* did they cancel 'Due South' anyhow? That was a good show, darn it! >Usagi gazed down over on her flat, firm stomach, JOEL: So she gazed down on her stomach... yet over it... uhh... TOM: Don't think about it, your head will explode and we don't have any replacements for you. >resting her eyes on her silkenpink panties. She noticed the >slight bulge in the front, CROW: AHHH!!! JOEL: Calm down! That's just the pubic hair, Crow! >which cover overher golden pubic hair, CROW: AHHH!!! JOEL: Look, she's not Oscar, it's just... CROW: Just what?!?! JOEL: They're just like that! Calm down. >some of it peeking out from the sides, TOM: Peek-a-boo! I *see* you! >brushing upagainst her long, slender thighs. The panties were >slightly damp, wet with her love juices. JOEL: New from the makers of Snapple... >Emanating from them CROW: She's wearing more then one set of panties? No wonder she's got that bulge! >was a musky smell which seemed to turn Usagi on, for her nipples >were starting to harden. TOM: It was also Winter and she had left the bathroom window open, making it quite cold in there. >The silken fabric ofher panties seemed to turn her on even more, JOEL: It was talking like Barry White. CROW: I'm gonna lay down by the fire... gonna caress your hot body... >for it gently rubbed againsther now swollen clitoris whenever >she walked. ALL: Walk this way, and talk this way. I want you to *WALK* this way... CROW: Man, if she's this easily turned on, she won't even NEED Mamoru on the night of their honeymoon! TOM: Where *is* Tux boy, anyhow? JOEL: He's over in the lemon next door, getting it on with Queen Beryl. >But she wasn't walking around, which meant she wasn't getting as >must stimuli as usual. CROW: *sigh* Oh well, better call up Rei before the moment passes. >The onlysimulus she got was from that TOM: ... corner drugstore down the street. JOEL: huh? TOM: I don't know what simulus is. It could be a woman's version of viagra for all I know. >womanly scent that radiated from her love box. CROW: It's amazing what scents they'll come out for potpourri these days. >The underside of her panties were wet, red from the juices >having seeped in, slightly bulging downward from the swollen >lips of her vagina. As Usagi continued to stare at her private >area, TOM: That anything like her private dressing room? >she could feel herself getting hotter and hotter, JOEL: Look out, she's burning up! CROW: Quick! Someone get a fire extinguisher! >her breathing starting to come in small gasps of air. She felt >herself slowly releasing her juices TOM: Here at Snapple we always get our love juices fresh from the source, with no preservatives or artificial ingredients. >into those damp panties, making the stain grow bigger and >bigger. CROW: If those get anymore damp, they're going to fall off from the weight. >Reluctantly taking her gaze from her only undergarment, Usagi's >gaze went further south. JOEL: To Mexico! ALL: ORALE!!! >As her gaze wentdown, CROW: It went down, down, down the hole... down, down... >she regarded her legs with pride. Her legs were absolutely >beautiful, long, slender, and tight. TOM: Is it just me, or is every part of Usagi beautiful, long, slender, and tight? CROW: No, it's not just you. >Her legs were so beautiful not one boy would ever be able to >focus on whatever they were doing whenever they saw Usagi in >shorts or a skirt. JOEL: Say! Check out the blonde in the skirt! CROW: Dear god, man! Keep your eyes on the road! ALL: AHHH!!! >Her legs were what all boys pictured wrapped around their hips >as they TOM: Performed calisthenics. >gently pushed their member deep inside of her wheneverthey >fantasized about her. But that was all they could do, fantasize >about making love to her. CROW: What with Mamoru following her about, a crazed look on his face and a loaded gun in his hands... >She was untouchable, her beauty so sensuous that no one had the >guts to walk up and ask her out, not even Mamoru. JOEL: The heck... hello? Long lasting love and all that? Hello? TOM: You're thinking about a lemon, Joel. Naughty. >Till this day, Usagi was still a virgin, something she was quite >proud about. TOM: Of course, her sexual frustration was so high, she felt like she was going to pop. >Wanting to see herself totally naked, Usagi CROW: ... picked up the latest issue of playboy. TOM: Or looked up one of many hentai sites on the net. >took hold of the silken laces that hugged her panties to her >slim waist, and pulled them down. JOEL: Now that's someone I wouldn't mind being *mooned* by! TOM: Boo! Bad pun, Joel! >Her panties gently slid down the length of her long legs, all >the way down to her ankles. JOEL: Whoa, slow it down there, Jeffery. I don't think we could take such fast paced stripping action. BOTS: ZZZZzzzz... >She gently stepped out of them, kicking them into the hamper >full of soiled panties from prior days. ALL: TOM: Geez Usagi, shouldn't you have done the laundry by now? CROW: Yeah, my eyes are watering from the smell. JOEL: But you're a robot. Your eyes don't do that. CROW: Goes to show how bad it is, don't it? >As she kicked one of her slender legs out, ALL: SUPER FUJISAWA... KICK!!! >she saw her labia slightly part, exposing her swollen clit. CROW: Better put some ice on that. It looks pretty bad. >Thatsight turned Usagi on considerably. Her nipples became rock >hard, so hard that it TOM: ... could pierce two inch armor plating! >would easily be seen through her shirt, TOM: Oh... well that's no fun! So to speak... >that's if she were wearing one. Her womanly scent was >overwhelming her, flooding the entire tinybathroom. TOM: Then she drowned and died... the end. JOEL: Why so dark, Tom? TOM: Why not? >Usagi started feeling lightheaded from smelling that musky >scent. CROW: Whoa man... groovy party man... got any DOORS? >Wishing to proceed on, Usagi raised her leg and slowly placed >her footin the warm water, CROW: Careful, it's slippery. JOEL: Ahh! *THUD* >feeling tingling sensations envelope her, TOM: Oh man, who dropped the toaster into the bathtub again? >running all the way up the entire leg, and into her clit. The >sensation felt divine toUsagi. JOEL: Well of course, look! She's using Herbal Essence! TOM: Shameless product plug number four. >Once her entire foot was in the tub, ALL: >she rasied her other foot in anexaggerated fashion, raisng it as >if she were doing a standing slip CROW: Now really, is this the best place to be practicing your Tai Chi? >so she could see those lips of hers part once again. TOM: That's an aweful complicated procedure just to open your mouth. >Placing her other foot into the water, she felt the same >sensations run up her leg like it did the otherone. JOEL: Man, how easily turned on *IS* this girl? CROW: Two hours later, and she had finally managed to sit down in the tub. >As she stood in her tub, she gave the mirror one more look, JOEL: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the blondest of them all? Who's golden curls most excite the fanboys for wet dream delight? >smiling sensuously at the sight of her magnificent body. Usagi >then knelt down and gently slid her entire body into the water, TOM: By this time, the ice age had gone by and the Dark Moon was invading... >letting raise all the way up to her neck. She sighed as she felt >the warmth seep into her, especially herlove button. CROW: You know, I *was* going to make a comment on how easily she gets turned on and the story takes it from me. JOEL: Oh, you'll get another chance sometime soon. >After several heavenly moments, she reached over a grabbedthe >soap from the soap dish. TOM: Watch as Usagi's GRABS the SOAP!!! ALL: EXTREME SOAP GRABBING!!! WHOAA!!! JOEL: She's gonna be grabbing something else, at this rate. CROW: Believe me, at this point, it would be certainly welcomed. Heck, *anything* would be welcomed as long as something *exciting* happened! >She then slowly started to rub her body with it, starting off at >breasts. ALL: >The bar of soap gently rubbed up against theunderside of Usagi's >mounds, JOEL: That reminds me, do we have any watermelons in the fridge? I'm feeling kind of hungry. >slowly working its way up to her erect nipples. CROW: Oh my god! The soap's alive! [pause] Luckey thing... >As the soap touched her delicate nipples, TOM: They snapped off. [Joel and Crow look at him] What? He said they were delicate! JOEL: Well, you got us there. >Usagi felt a jolt of electricity shoot right down to her clit, CROW: And she wasn't talking about the MSTier either. >which brought her great pleasure. JOEL: Hi, I got a package for a Miss Usagi Tsukino. Can you sign please? >Rubbing tiny circles around each individual nipple, CROW: Adjusting the volume! TOM: Tuning to a new station! JOEL: Changing the channel! >she felt her self slowly starting to lose control, which was >exactly what she wanted. After several intense minutes, TOM: So she's just laying there in the tub, circling her nipples with a bar of soap. JOEL: That's about right, yeah. CROW: It *is* fairly hard to keep control when you're doing that to yourself. >she slowly started to slide the bar of soap south. CROW: That girl certainly loves her soap, doesn't she? >The soap traveled down underwater over her ribcage, over her >flat stomach, and stopped just as it touched the top of her >pubic mound. JOEL: Here, in the warm waters of the Pacific, we see the Usagi in it's natural environment, performing it's singular mating rituals. >With one hand holding the soap, she used her free hand to caress >it over the golden patch of pubic hair. TOM: Better scrub hard, you've got that bad case of dandruff, remember? >One of her fingers gently brushed over her swollen clit, causing >her to thrash in sheer extasy. ALL: GAH! CROW: Oh, for a moment there, I thought her curling iron fell into the water. TOM: Why do I get this feeling that if you poke her in the right spot, she'll orgasm? >Slowly, she started to make little circles around her love >button, feeling her orgasm building. JOEL: If she's really that horny, why doesn't she just push it a few times and get it over with? CROW: She just likes having plenty of foreplay with herself before doing the deed. TOM: Is it even called foreplay if you're by yourself? >As she continued to do this, the soap gently flicked back and >forth over her clit, sending extreme pleasure signals surging to >her brain, ALL: SURGE!!! >telling her to continue on. TOM: Keep doing it or the cat gets it. >Usagi's breathing now came in gasps for air, JOEL: Uh-oh, she's having an asthma attack. >her chest rising a falling quickly. CROW: Damn you and your firm breasts! Now we can see no jiggling! >As the circles she made around her clit got smaller and smaller, >she felt her body getting hotter and hotter. TOM: The fact that the water was boiling and steam was rising was a good clue in. >Usagi released her grip of the soap and started rubbing her clit >with her finger JOEL: Dammit, I gotta get that itch! Argh! >whith one hand while a digit of her other hand slowly started to >enter her love tunnel. CROW: *thud* Oww... should have brought a flashlight. It's dark in here. >Slowly, her index finger made its way in, all the way up to the >first knuckle. She then placed her middle finger up against the >opening and pushed, letting it in also. TOM: Letting it in? What, did the fingers have to knock first or bring a written invitation or something? CROW: But of course. This is a BYOF party. JOEL: BYOF? CROW: Bring your own finger. >With two fingers in place, she JOEL: Pushed the button? >slowly started to slid it in and out, rocking her hips back and >forth with the motions. CROW: Meanwhile, Luna is wondering what the hell Usagi's doing and why water is leaking out through the bottom of the door. >She felt her orgasm build up towards its peak. As she continued >to thrust her fingers deep into herself, Usagi TOM: ... suddenly stopped. JOEL: Oh damn, I'm stuck again. I *knew* I should have brought the KY jelly with me. CROW: You'd think I would learn from the last time I'd used two fingers but noooooo... >raised one of her legs up and placed it over the side of the >bathtub, so her tight lips would part even further out. CROW: If they're that tight, why not just get the jaws of life out? It would probably make it easier in the long run. >As she did this, she arced her back up, JOEL: Oh, she is going to have such a crick in her spine later. >leaving her tigh ass no longer touching the bottom of the tub, TOM: I should really simplify my masturbation rituals. >her hole now exposed above the waterline. The sensations were >incredible, JOEL: The new Imax was simply amazing! It felt like she was really there! >overwhelming her. Within moments, her entire body went taut as >she had a CROW: Heart attack? JOEL: At her age? No way. >mindblowing orgasm. ALL: Ewww... TOM: Now we've got bits of blond hair, skull, and brain matter splattered all over the tiles. >Her vagina contracted, squeezing her two intruding digits with >hard intensity. JOEL: *CRUNCH* Oh, and those were her beating off fingers too. CROW: Just great! Now I'm gonna have to get someone else to finger me! >Her body shuttered as Usagi allowed the sensations to take total >control of her. Within moments, her orgasm subsided, TOM: But the shock that she had left the door open would not fade for several weeks... >leaving her wanting more. Usagi felt a light light-headed >after such an intense orgasm. JOEL: If she gets anymore light headed, she'll float away. >As it slowly sudsided, Usagi slowly became aware of where she >was. CROW: Cancun? What the hell am I doing here? >She looked down into the tub and noticed her love juices diluted >in it. TOM: Crap, now I gotta add more flavor crystals. >Pulling her two digits back out of her slit, JOEL: *SCHLUP* >she raised it out of the water and gently rubbed it with her >thumb. CROW: Hmmm, quart low... >The feeling of her love juice was slightly sticky, which turned >her on once again. TOM: At this point, you could pretty much well show Usagi *anything* and she would get horny. JOEL: What about a picture of Pauly Shore? TOM: That would make her swear celibacy. >But she could do that some other time. CROW: Orgasms are like jello, there's *always* room for one more! >One orgasm is good enough for now, Usagi though to herself, >reaching forward a pulling in the lever to let the water out. >Usagi got up and stepped out of the tub, JOEL: Hoo boy, here we go with the standing action, guys. Better brace yourselves. >wishing she could continue on with masturbating. TOM: When you wish upon a star... >She grabbed hold of a towel, which hung nearby, and started >toweling off. Slowly, she started rubbing her mounds dry, ALL: This is the way we dry out mounds, dry our mounds, dry our mounds... this is the way we dry our mounds, all through the morning! >taking extra time rubbing around the nipples. She then started >moving the towel down over her stomach, stopping right above her >pubic hair. Smiling at the thought of continuing on, Usagi >slowly started rubbing her clit with the towel, taking an extra >long time. JOEL: I really hate trying to dry those hard to reach places. >Who cares about the Minako, Makoto, Rei, and Ami, Usagi thought. >They could wait. CROW: Screw my friends! I'm beating off more! Wait, I'm screwing my friends later on, too... oh well! >Usagi rasied her one of her legs and placed it ontop of the >sink, TOM: Here we go with the aerobics again. JOEL: It's certainly more interesting then that Tai-Bo tape. CROW: Billy Blanks ain't got *nothing* on Usagi. >exposing her swelling clit. Smiling once again, she placed one >of her fingers up against the slit and pushed it in. TOM: Uhhh... man, this is taking allot out of me. Maybe I should work out more... > JOEL: And there was much cheering. ALL: Yay. >Well, I hope you liked it. TOM: Eh, not really. JOEL: Too much standing action for me. CROW: We barely got to see any full moons, dammit! >I hope this is a little bit different from theusual lemon you >read. CROW: Well considering that the other lemons assumed they had a plot while this one didn't... [pause] Wait a minute... >Please send comments if you have any. JOEL: Done. TOM: Done. CROW: Almost finished. >I would reallyappreciate it. First off, I'd like to say the >without Naoko Takeuchi, I wouldn't have written this fanfic. JOEL: I'll give Jeffery this. At least he didn't blame the making of the lemon on Naoka-sama. >Second, this is my only my second attempt at writing a lemon, TOM: The first attempt with the lemons really gummed up my keyboard. >please take that into consideration when flaming me. CROW: Sorry, but we don't do flames. TOM: Last time we tried it, we ended up with second degree burns. >I'm sorry for any >grammatical or spelling errors. JOEL: Oh, that's alright. CROW: This is a remarkably *nice* lemon author we've got here. TOM: Yeah, very polite, like he was Kasumi... CROW: Can you imagine Kasumi writing a lemon? JOEL: Oh my! I wrote them coming prematurely again! >I only spent onesitting writing and editing this.P.s.-If you >want TOM: ... to see the kid again, deliver one thousand dollars in unmarked bills in Tinsel City. JOEL: Ohhh... nice and obscure there, Tom. >any of my other fanfics, just ask.Please note that I'm online >seldomly. > Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong CROW: You know, there's probably a very good reason why he's called "One Shot" Wong... JOEL: Shhh.... naughty... TOM: How come there weren't more then one Senshi in this lemon? By Sailor Moon lemon standards, there's usually no more then two to three at any one time. JOEL: I guess the fanfic budget was low or something... CROW: Maybe we could help him with that. You know, buy him cans of jolt to stay up on and write a chapter with more then one Senshi going at it... [Joel picks Tom up and walks out of the theater, followed by Crow.] [DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...] Joel, Tom, and Crow all sat around at the console, waiting for the light to flash so that they could inform the Mads that they had survived the lemon with their sanity intact. "So," Joel started out slowly, drawing the word out to kill as much time as possible. "You two got anything to do?" "No, not really," Crow replied. "Nope. Nothing for me to do," Tom answered. They sat around the console, staring at the light. "You guys sure you two have nothing to do?" Joel asked again. "Uh-uh." "Yup." A few more seconds of waiting around. "You know, this is really kind of pointless," Tom commented. "Exactly my point," Joel replied. "That lemon *was* rather pointless, much like our standing around here." "So we just stood around here to add emphasis that the lemon was pointless *and* repetitive, right?" Crow asked. "Yup. It was pointless and repetitive." "You have nothing better to do either, do you Joel?" Tom asked. "..." The yellow light began to flash. "Oh, the Bored and Boring are calling," Joel commented as he tapped the button. DEEP 13 "No! Not my car!" *CRUNCH* The monkey cheered and slapped the controls of the tank as it turned it around for a second pass over Dr. Forrester's prized car: A light pink 1978 Ford Pinto. The mad doctor sighed in sorrow and walked through the bigger entrance to his lab and noticed that Joel and the bots were still sane. "I see that One Shot's stuff was not strong enough to break your wills. Perhaps next time. Push the button, Frank!" he said, absently wondering if his car insurance covered tanks. When he noticed that Frank still lay unconscious on the floor, he sighed yet again and pushed the button. *BLIP* \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ *FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHH!!!* "Next time, I'll get a robot to drive the tank," Dr. Forrester could be heard saying. _________________________________________________________________ STINGER: >Reading this over and over again in certain sections could cause >pain to come about on certain parts of your body.