Mystery Self-Insertion Theater 3000 or The Satellite of Ai By: Jaimielée Rocket Disclaimer I: To whom this concerns, it belongs to you! Disclaimer II: The other characters, however, belong to me. Jaimielée Jr. is mine, the concept of Sailor Maelstrom is mine, Hudson is so mine, you can't touch her! So is Yusa-chan! The new idea of RS is mine, but Raven Nightshade is She-wolf's creation, and the person that Maelstrom is based on belongs to, well, Maelstrom. "The Destruction of the Pervect Demons" belongs to, get this, my cousin Angie! Otherwise known as She-wolf, Raven Nightshade or RS! Wild, huh? Violence and smut: Exactly as much as you'd expect on a MSTing, maybe a titch more smut than violence. NOTE ABOUT THE 'FIC: Any fans of the DragonLance series? I'm a huge fan, and apparently Angie was at one point. She wrote this, she said, in about eighth grade, and now she's a Freshman in college, and she found it on her computer. She thought it'd make good riffing material, so she gave it to me! It doesn't deal with any of the characters from DragonLance, but it has descriptions of the dragons from that world, the reds, blues, whites, greens and the blacks. It was quite humorous, in the "What the hell was she thinking?" sorda way. Episode Two: A New Female SI! FANFIC: The Destruction of the Pervect Demons ~*~*~*~*~*~ "Okay, y'all!" Jaimie-J shouted as she hopped about on one foot, flinging her arms like a mad-woman. She switched to the other foot and counted, "Eight, seven, six, five, four-- good, keep it up! One! Now, arm swings while hopping." She began to bounce and she swung her arms in lazy circles, one after the other. Behind her were three panting robots, all wearing aerobic attire, as well as Jaimie-J. (Plus, there was Chatte, dressed like Jaimie-J, but she was doing much better than the 'Bots were.) They were wearing sweat head bands, Crow had leg warmers, and Gypsy had one leg warmer. All of them wore spandex halter tops, (Gypsy miraculously gaining a chest somehow to wear one on), and minus the purple 'Bot, they all wore bloomers. (Those things Japanese school girls wear to PE, y'know.) Servo panted loudly, and he complained equally so, "Do you KNOW how hard this is for me to do?" He had to hover/hop, and that apparently isn't a simple thing for him to do. "Speak for yourself!" Gypsy shouted, she not being able to hop at all, or swing her arms, so she just sort-of swayed to the fast-paced New Age music that was blaring out of a boom box. "How do you expect to be good Team Rocket members if you don't get SOME exercise! I swear, all of ya are the one of the laziest bunch I've ever seen! Now, lunges!" She began to do so, but the 'Bots all groaned, and they all decided just to take a quick break. Over the music, they heard a door open and close. "Hey-ya, Mike!" Servo called, seeing the man walk in, yawning and rubbing under an eye. "How was the date, Mike?" Crow asked in a lewd manner. Mike merely ignored him, and stood in front of the springing Team Rocket member. "Morning . . . why didn't you wake me up when you got up?" She did a few hamstring stretches, while replying, "Aw, poor dear. You looked so worn out that I let you sleep in." "Oooo!" all the 'Bots chorused. "Mike got lu~ucky!" He blushed and shouted in protest, "I did not!" Doing a few kicks now, Jaimie-J gave him a Victory sign. "Good for you, Mike! Tell 'em it's none of their business!" He leaned forward and whispered solely to Crow and Servo, "Actually, I DID!" "Oooo, we're proud of you!" Before Mike could thoroughly enjoy the praise, a tennis shoe smacked into the side of his head. "Ouch! Hey!" Mike rubbed his left temple. "Why'd you do that for, Jaimie-J!" She hobbled over and took up her shoe. "You're lying! He was telling the truth if he meant he got lucky at playing Scrabble!" "Scrabble?" Servo and Crow repeated blandly. "Yes, we were playing a Scrabble championship all night long, and it took it all out of Mike. He was exhausted. He won all the games, so he did get 'lucky', but I woulda won! He wouldn't let me use any Japanese words, of which I have a larger vocabulary in and know how to spell better, but he said NOOOOO 'coz he didn't know a speck of it." She smacked him upside the head with her shoe once more for good measure before returning to her exercise. "Heh," Mike breathed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "So, how was your night, guys?" "I got more lucky while watching TV, you dope!" Crow replied in a nasty tone. "I hope you're very ashamed," Servo said grimly. "Mmmmm-- Oh! Look! Pearl's calling!" He thankfully reached for the button and tapped it, moving away from everyone else. Castle Forrester: Pearl stood beside a kneeling Observer, who was pounding away at the same satellite that he was working on the last time they had called. Professor Bobo was behind her, still covered in many bandages and now he was trying to use a wrench, which he was having some difficulty with. "Hello, Mike, robots, girl whose-name-I-have-forgotten. How are you this morning? Starting off with some exercise? Good, you'll need it for today's fanfic. There won't be an experiment again today, for we are quite busy what with building the satellite, plus I am working on the dimensional transport, so-- we're busy. Just go read. It's a fanfic based on the DragonLance series. I'll assume you've read that. It's by a gal named She-wolf. 'The Destruction of the Pervect Demons'. Enjoy." She paused for a second as she heard Bobo slip the wrench and skin half his finger of fur. She sighed in shame, and pressed "enter" on her computer. "Just . . . be thankful you aren't here right now." The evolved ape came up to her and held out his right index finger. "Lawgiver! I got another booboo!" He sniffled, "Kiss it better?" She gave him a notably sour look. Satellite of Love: The movie/fanfic sign began to go off, and the 'Bots rushed off. "Hey, Jaimie-J, you coming?" Mike hollered at her, as she didn't make a move towards the theater entrance. "Huh? Uh, no! I'm gonna stay. I'm on a rush! I'm gonna see how long I can do aerobics. Soon I'm gonna pop in a Petra tape, she's fun!" She continued doing ballet stretches, Gypsy behind her, trying her best to imitate the moves with what limited capabilities she had, such as no arms or legs. Chatte was having more luck, which made Gypsy very jealous. "Okay, see you afterwards, then!" ~*~*~*~*~*~ (Mike and the 'Bots enter. They all sit in their usual seats, Mike sitting Servo down in his.) MIKE: You look cute in bloomers, Servo. SERVO: Why, thank you, Mike. You going to ask me out now and claim you got lucky, when you didn't? MIKE: Can't I live that down. CROW: Oh, let's leave the crybaby alone. We'll tell Pearl, and she can continue where we left off. SERVO: Sounds good to me. MIKE: Sigh~ >The Destruction of the Pervect Demons SERVO: Imagine how much of the Earth's population would disappear if you killed all of the perverts and demons. > > > In the time of the Dark Ages, CROW: . . . people ran into things a lot. >life was filled with many dangers such as dragons, demons, etc. MIKE: Flowers, Teddy bears, sanitation, et cetera. >During this time life was the battlefield. SERVO: (sings, to "Love is A Battlefield") Life was the battlefield! CROW: Now, we see eight dancers in raggy clothing shake their bosoms defiantly at us . . . > Dragons came in many colors. MIKE: Shapes AND flavors. SERVO: (like a little kid) Mine's cherry! CROW: (ditto) Mine's banana! >Red like its fiery breath, MIKE: Red, like the eyes of a dwarf when drunk. SERVO: Ah, fond memories of the Companions . . . >white like its icy breath. CROW: Dragons: With the minty cool flavor. >Green dragons have deadly chloroform breath that kills slowly as if you were in open space. ALL: . . . . SERVO: I didn't know that. CROW: You've been in open space before, Mike. Why didn't you die a slow death? MIKE: I think it has something to do with a force field. BOTS: . . . . MIKE: Okay, I don't know why I survived! >Dragons that are blue breathed lightning that killed instantly. SERVO: This was the original concept for the character "Pikachu". CROW: Could you imagine that? Ash being followed by Skie, going "Pika! Pikachu!" all the time. MIKE: The battles certainly would have been more spectacular. >The black dragons' ability is a mysterious one SERVO: No one knew how he dun it, but every time he passed by, someone would be pantsed. >for his is the ability melt flesh away with its breath as if the flesh were wax while the internal >organs still beat. > Now demons were of a different sort. CROW: (author) For one, they are DEMONS. MIKE: Unlike dragons, demons often wore a sensible pair of slacks. >There were many kinds of them. There were short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones, ALL: (sing) . . . some as big as your head! SERVO: The tall ones discriminated against the small ones, and they often forced them to sit in the backs of buses. >but the ones that were best known were the Pervects. CROW: (dully) THAT'S why we heard so much about them in the DragonLance Series. >The Pervect is a greedy, short - tempered MIKE: The bridge between Short and Tempered doesn't quite reach, now does it? >demon with keen financial sense. SERVO: Ah, so it's Meowth with a different name. CROW: (Ash) What kind of Pokémon is THAT? MIKE: (makes various flesh-ripping sounds) CROW: (Ash) Arrrrrgh! > Corkelmashaw, ALL: -snicker- SERVO: Well, I found my new name. From now on, call me Thomas Servo Corkelmashaw. MIKE: Okay . . . Corkelmashaw . . . >a short, stocky dwarf, CROW: Like most dwarves. SERVO: So the long name "Corkelmashaw" is supposed to cover for his shortness? MIKE: Nah, a GNOME'S name would be long enough to cover for his shortness. CROW: (hums in deep thought) SERVO: Looks like Crow is plotting something. MIKE: Just as long as it doesn't hurt US, I don't mind. >lives in the center of a secluded forest. SERVO: (snickering) It's SO secluded, not even Corkelmashaw lives in it! (lol) MIKE & CROW: . . . . MIKE: No, it doesn't work. CROW: You almost had something there, Servo Corkelmashaw. >He is the dwarf who forged the Excalibur for the Lady of the Lake. CROW: Sure, if you believe in time paradoxes. >On this balmy day he is at work in his forge when someone enters. It is a Pervect and he has >come seeking the employment of Corkelmashaw. MIKE: (Pervect) It's the last thing on the list for the scavenger hunt. > " I want you to make me an impenetrable suit of armor. SERVO: (Pervect) I also want you to devise a machine that will bring the quotation mark and the first word of a sentence together in perfect harmony. CROW: (Corkelmashaw like Bones) Dammit, Pervect, I'm a dwarf, not a gnome! >I also want an unbreakable sword and shield. Have them ready when I return in two weeks," >said the Pervect with his nasally accent. MIKE: It's CARL! SERVO: (Carl, nasally) Hi, Johnny! CROW: I disagree, I think he sounds like Mandark. > " I don't forge weapons for Perverts," said Corkelmashaw, quietly. MIKE: (Corkelmashaw) Perverts always think I mean something else when I talk of their "swords". > " It's Pervect not Pervert, you little worm! PERVECT!!" > " Well, excuse me, Mr. Pervect." SERVO: (Corkelmashaw, overly sarcastic) Gee, thanks for making my ears bleed. G-uy! > " My name is Mause," he roared. CROW: And quite a roar that was, too, Mause. MIKE: Oooo, I'm so scared. > " I don't care who you are just get out of my forge!!" SERVO: Now that's a roar. Mause should take note. > Mause stormed out vowing to seek revenge. " You'll regret this decision, >Corkelmashaw!" CROW: (Mause) And your mother will dearly regret giving you such a stupid name! MIKE: Hey, I know what that name reminds me of! Crenshaw! SERVO: Oh, how disgusting! I now revert back to my original name, "Thomas Servo". > " LEAVE NOW!!!" > " I'll be back and you'll pay for your decision with your life!" CROW: Meaning that Mause WAS going to pay him enough money to see Corkelmashaw through retirement, but the dwarf totally screwed that deal. > Several months later Mause MIKE: . . . completely forgot about his vow and went on to pursue a Kender who had taken off with his commas. >returned with the rest of his kind, ninety in all, counting Mause as well. SERVO: (dully) Such frightening numbers . . . CROW: Gee, Pervects are an endangered species. MIKE: If these are the most widely known demons, then why are there so few of them? SERVO: Inbreeding. MIKE: Ohhhh . . . > "Corkelmashaw, CROW: (Mause) . . . thanks for bringing the quotation mark and the first word together, now we will only give you a slight beating. >come out and face your doom," screeched Mause. > Corkelmashaw would not come out for he SERVO: . . . was a puss. >was busy in the forge and could not hear over the clanging of his hammer and the roaring of the >forge. MIKE: Or maybe it was because Mause's screech wasn't much of one at all. CROW: More like a "fft". >When he paused a moment in his work he became aware of his danger. He immediately started >over heating his forge and he exited his forge through the back entrance. He saddled his horse >and vacated the vicinity. SERVO: Then he began to sneeze himself off the horse. MIKE: Noooo, that's FLINT. SERVO: Oh, yeah, duh, what was I thinking? CROW: (a Pervect) Isn't that Corkelmashaw escaping on horseback, there? MIKE: (another Pervect) Shhh, what Mause doesn't know won't hurt him. > Mause became impatient SERVO: (Mause) Corkelmashaw! We've been waiting here for a year now, PLEEZE come out? >and he made a foolish mistake. Mause roared, "CHARGE!!!" CROW: Aa! There you go, Mause! THAT'S a roar! ALL: (polite applause) MIKE: Mause's foolish mistake? He shouldn't have charged his credit card so many times. He maxed out and Corkelmashaw was forced to cut it. >The 89 Pervects obeyed him. 29 Pervects followed Mause into the forge. SERVO: (one of the 29 Pervects) Uh, Mause, sir? We're all stuck in the entrance . . . >The 60 others surrounded the forge just missing Corkelmashaw as he rode away. The ones >outside tightly surrounded the forge CROW: (a Pervect) Okay, whoever has their hand on my ass, take it off NOW! >while the ones inside thoroughly searched the forge in five minutes. They never realized what >grave danger they were in. MIKE: The ground was covered with asbestos! > The forge's heat had been building steadily for twenty minutes. >It had taken them 15 minutes to charge SERVO: I'm guessing that a Pervect's strong point ISN'T running if it took them THAT long to charge. >and five to search the building. CROW: As stated before. >When the forge exploded it obliterated everything within a 15 yard radius. ALL: (stunned silence) MIKE: Well, that was certainly . . . anticlimactic. SERVO: Cut the author a break, she wrote it in eighth grade. CROW: Well, in that case, this is one of the best stories I've read from that age group. (the others thoroughly agree) > Two days later Corkelmashaw returned to what had been his forge and saw that nothing >was left. Everything had been burned to the ground. He looked at the desolation one last time. MIKE: (Corkelmashaw) Damn, maybe I should have warned my assistants about my plan before I blew up the place. . . . Oh, well! > He turned back the way he came and headed toward a town called Sakansaw in the >Northwest. On his way he told those he met his story. When he arrived in the town of >Sakanesaw, he told his story to the townspeople. SERVO: They were, to say the least, duly unimpressed. >There he built a new forge and continued his work there. He lived the remainder of his 600 >years in peace. CROW: Until he met a Kender named Tasslehoff Burrfoot. The end! MIKE: I like these short fanfics. They're a breath of fresh air. SERVO: At least this gal knows how to spell. CROW: Let's go, I have an announcement to make. (all exeunt) ~*~*~*~*~*~ Mike and Servo stood in a section of the Satellite of Love that wasn't the bridge, so as not to disturb Jaimie-J, Chatte and Gypsy in their exercising. They waited somewhat patiently, Mike yawning, for Crow to enter and tell them his announcement. Finally, the golden 'Bot stepped in front of them, holding onto a portfolio. "Some of you have probably been wondering what the 'T.' in 'Crow T. Robot' stands for--" he began to announce. "I though it stood for 'The'," Servo interrupted rudely. "No, you simpleton. I looked up in the old records, and I discovered that I am part Krynnish gnome." He stood proudly, but deflated as Servo was quick to say: "You are not." "Silence, infidel," he ordered quietly. "Do you want to hear what the 'T' stands for?" Mike shrugged lazily, blinking slowly as if extremely tired. "I thought it was 'The', too, but, sure, yeah, whatever. What'd you come up with?" "Well," Crow cleared his throat and held up the portfolio higher, "My full name is Crow Thoshballionysarabarlishmarkeyashanububupudheshrajaraxipheforgonsoymotenhasyzoranettcokl ireejandleemaiomapiboacheirabalynnishduzufwohivisckgraibeeweosikiyonnhooidriilichrysturchi quemithvabgeryunaedthy . . ." Mike really did try to stay awake, but lack of sleep the night before, and having to read the fanfic, made him extremely sleepy. As Crow recited his middle name, Mike found his eyelids drooping more and more often, and finally the weight was too great, and he soon fell asleep. Some time later, he didn't know how much later, but when he was startled awake, he was refreshed and Crow was still speaking. ". . . peprashsnuflfistasofeixyore . . ." He paused and concluded, ". . . Robot. That's my name." Mike rubbed his eyes murmuring, "Wha?" Servo turned to him and he whispered, "Boy, did you miss a gem." As the man was about to respond when suddenly the lights began to flicker and went out, throwing everyone into pitch blackness. "Crow, Servo?!" Mike called. "We're here, Mike," they said in unison. One of the voices belonged to a pair of green eyes that eerily glowed. "EEEEEK!!!!" The owner of the eyes gasped. "Did you hear that, Mike!" The man replied, "No, that was me, Crow. I forgot that your eyes glow in the dark." "Oh." Then, there was another, "EEEEEK!!!!" "Geez, Mike!" Crow snapped. "Get used to it!" "That wasn't me that time!" he said irritably back. Next, there came a high pitched, "AAAUUG!!" Servo gasped. "That was Jaimie-J!" After he stated that, there was a muffled explosion and a "MROOEOWTH!!" "And that was Chatte!" Mike declared. "What's going on!?" After a split moment, the lights flickered back to life, and Mike and the 'Bots bolted off to where the girls were doing their aerobics. "Jaimie-J!" Mike called upon entering the bridge. "Are you all right!?" The girl, still dressed in her spandex clothing, was standing hunched up against the desk, sweat pouring down her face. Mike guessed it was perspiration from fear, since the look on her face was one of utmost terror, and she was muttering, "~ee . . . ~ee . . ." "Jaimie-J?" he repeated, standing beside her and giving her a small shove. She didn't respond. He glanced around and he couldn't find Gypsy, so he assumed that she had left to go see what was wrong with the satellite when the lights went off. Then he spotted Jaimie-J's Meowth, on the ground, pressed down flat with her claws gripping the floor and her tail frazzled. Her eyes were huge and staring at a medium-sized hole in front of her. The area around the hole was blackened, and it smoked. As he contemplated this mystery, he heard Servo ask, "Uh, Mike, how many girls are on the Satellite of Love?" Scratching his head, the man retorted, "Uhm, Jaimie-J, Gypsy, Chatte, Veronica, Hira-hira and . . . Magic Voice is kinda femalish." "Then, who's the chick with the tail?" "Huh?" Mike turned around, as did Crow, with the same puzzlement in his voice. "She's INSANE!" Jaimie-J shrieked, finally responding to something. Tears formed in her eyes and she pointed at the person. "She shot at C-chan!" "Who IS she?" Mike asked. Standing pressed against the dog bone was a woman of average height, with long mahogany hair and brown eyes, which were currently wide with the same horror as Jaimie-J's. She wore some sort of black armor with brown umber straps and abdomen, and she also wore dark brown pants with black boots tipped with green and light brown cuffs around her ankles, and the same color of gauntlets. Her right hand was held straight out in front of her, and it was smoking slightly. What was truly strange about her was that she had a long, dark brown tail swinging wildly behind like a cat's tail when it was frightened. "Wh-wh-wh-" she stuttered before getting out, "-where am I?" "What's your name?" Servo asked suspiciously before answering her question. "R-r-raven She-wolf . . ." she haltingly replied. Suddenly, something dawned on Crow, and he shouted, "She's a SAIYJIN!" Everyone but the new woman all gasped in shock. Mike faced the communication screen to yell, "Pearl! What's going on here?!" The End ______________________________________________________________________________ What IS going on there? Stay tuned to find out! There we are, the eighth grade essay done in eighth grade. It was interesting, maybe if there were more descriptions it would have been better. (Angie's budget must have ended when she wrote the explosion scene. ^_^) I like the DragonLance Series, I need to read "Chronicles" over again. That's about the only part that I like. Chronicles 1, 2, 3 and 4. I don't particularly like the ones written by others other than Margaret Weis and Tracey Hickman. Too bad Fizban wasn't here. ;p I love him! Also Zifnab from "Death Gate Series", but, then again, it *isn't* the same person! (ZIFNAB: "Hey! Don't sneeze on my hat! There's dog slobber and spit--" HAPLO: "And?" ZIFNAB: "And dog germs, I don't know!") Tas and Alfred are two of my fave literary characters! Kender are funny, clumsy old men are plain fun! And to add more to the fun and games, he can change into a DRAGON! And how'd you like Crow's name? I wrote that beforehand after studying up on my gnomish names. Cool, huh? That's how dedicated I am. ^_^ Anyway, Raven She-wolf was going to be the third person to come, but I decided to make her the second gal to show up. Why? I don't know. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I'm not quite sure how to spell Saiyjin right, but that way is the way that I remember seeing it on something or other, so no one chew me out on this. I've seen it spelled 15,000 different ways, and this one seems one of the most plausible. (Actually, I think I should be spelling it Saijin, 'coz you can spell that in Japanese, but, screw it, I'll do what I want.) Who is Raven She-wolf exactly? That will be told in the next episode, but just for fun, I'm going to list her ki attacks: (like it seems on DBZ, I gave her attacks to which I applied any ol' names I wanted to it ^_^) Topaz Centurion Servomechanism (you can tell Servo will like this one) Wolf's Claw (since the real She-wolf likes wolves) Seizure Blaster Those are her attacks! Neat, huh? They were fun to make up. That's all for now! Ja ne! No, wait! One more thing! THIS is the SHORTEST MSTing I've ever done! It's 13 pages on my pro-word! It even beat out "Basic MSTing 2, Aftermath", which was 15 pages! This is kinda cool, albeit sad. FEZ: (thoughts) Oh my god! There's a dead body in here! KITTY: (thoughts) Just be nicer to God. RED: (thoughts) Well, mom-- oh, for god's sake! FEZ: An APPLE? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch! Oh, and ADV films, I am deeply disgusted that you made Tananka on Metal Angel Marie say "ride the weasel with me". He said nothing like that on the Japanese one! That was disgusting! However, it made me and Angie laugh and laugh, and laugh some more and turn red in the face. But still, shame on you! ______________________________________________________________________________ Corkelmashaw, a short, stocky dwarf, lives in the center of a secluded forest. He is the dwarf who forged the Excalibur for the Lady of the Lake. © 1999, Jaimielée Rocket Next Fanfic: ??? (Don't have one yet ^_^;;)