--------------------------------------------------------------------- My Fifth MSTing, an incomplete, incoherent, and interesting little Pokefic for your enjoyment. C&C welcome as always Enjoy! --------------------------------------------------------------------- [Fade In] [A small but well decorated apartment room, with various small pot plants. A TV is stacked against the back wall. A shiny black holotable is sitting in front of an ordinary plush couch, with a matching set of cushions. There is a large force-shield window that takes up almost the entire left wall, looking into a futuristic sprawling post-apocalyptic city with thousand storey buildings and starships the size of small cities. Pictures of Fanfic Authours adorn the walls. Several of them have bulletholes in them. A camera is hovering in the corner. There is a door behind the couch.] [Cid is seated on the couch, staring at the ceiling] Cid: I hate this place. [The door clicks open. Kiran and Dana enter. Kiran is wearing a "born to be wild" shirt] Kiran: Don't ask. Cid: I don't think I want to know. Dana: I did tell you not to accept that bet with Kyza... Kiran: Well, unlike some ladies, I didn't lose *all* my clothes after three rounds of martinis and a game of poker. Dana: [glows deep orange] No comment! Kiran: [takes a seat] Alright, let's it over with. Cid: Forrester! What particular form of torture will we be enjoying today? [Forrester flicks his viewscreen on, hastily grabbing a pile of papers] Dr. F: Uh... yeah... um... Cid: You don't know, do you? Dr. F: Nonsense! It's... uh... [Kyza enters, flipping his blaster. There is a blue blast of energy as it suddenly goes off, blowing a large hole in the roof] Dana: I'm not paying for that. Dr. F: [composing himself] Ahem. Yes, today, you get a nice short fanfic. Kiran: Short being the keyword here. Dr. F: Lucky you. Well, enjoy! [Dr. F pushes the button, and switches off] >GO, MR.FUZZUMS!! Cid: Uh... what? Dana: This is not a promising start. >Kitty threw out a Wigglytuff, Kiran: Who could blame her? Damn thing's about as useful as a solar powered torch. >her second best Pokemon. She had never lost against Stinky, Cid: Wasn't he one of the seven dwarves? >and she wasn’t about to this time. Stinky was so stubborn...he >wouldn’t join Team Rocket, and Kitty couldn’t understand why. Kiran: Maybe because they're complete morons? What, you want a diagram or something? >Team Rocket were, of course, a bunch of losers, but with her help, >they could achieve their goal! Cid: The ultimate bottlecap collection! Dana: Not quite. >What a great idea, to conquor the world using Pokemon! Cid: As opposed to actually "Conquering" it. Kyza: Sounds like something the Brain would come up with. Kiran: Sir, didn't Napoleon ever run out of Conkers? >"Squirtle, WATER GUN attack now!!" Stinky’s squirtle shot a stream >of water at Mr. Fuzzums. Kyza: Hey! The toilet's just over there! Cid: Kyza, that was pathetic. >"That’s considered an *attack*?" thought Kitty. Kiran: Being blasted by a high-pressure jet of water, as opposed to... being sung at! >"SING, Mr. Fuzzums!" Cid: Sing your little heart out! > she shouted. >The Wigglytuff brushed a drop of water off of its left ear before >singing a frightningly soothing Kiran: Scary... yet not scary. >melody which put Stinky’s Squirtle to sleep. Cid: Sure it's not just the fic? >"HA-HA! MEGA PUNCH, Mr. Fuzzums!" Kyza: [hands over ears] You'd think her pokemon would be deaf by now, wouldn't you? >Mr. Fuzzums ran up and punched Squirtle in the jaw. Squirtle >fainted! Dana: Wimp. >"Great job, Mr. Fuzzums! The Wigglytuff never went inside of a >pokeball, because Kitty liked for him to follow her around. Cid: Mr. Fuzzums didn't agree, but that was besides the point. Kyza: Would *you* want to be seen following her around? Cid: Good point. >Stinky ran to his beloved water pokemon. "Squirtle! Squirtle, Kiran: Where for art thou? Dana: [groans] > are you ok?? Kitty, you’re gonna pay for this!!!" Kyza: and I am *not* taking American Express! >"Pay for WHAT?" Kitty asked, Kyza: "Services rendered". Dana: Ego inflation, probably. Kyza: Stop ruining my hentai riffs. >"There’s a Pokemon Center right over there." She pointed to a center >about three feet right behind Stinky. Kiran: Comic relief! Ha! Ha ha ha! Cid: I worry about you. >"Oh," replied Stinky, "I didn’t see that there... Dana: It's not nice to make fun of blind people. Cid: Hey, he's already deaf... >Squirtle, return." Squirtle returned to its pokeball, and Stinky >walked into the pokemon center. Kyza: Ouch! Kiran: Overdone to a crisp, that one. >As Kitty walked along with Mr. Fuzzums close behind, she thought >about the challenges that awaited her. Cid: Knowing her? Kindergarten. >Who would be next to challenge the great Kitty? Just then she heard >a squeaking noise. It was a clifairy! Kyza: That's "Clefairy"! Dana: Point? Kyza: Because Clifairy sounds rather perverted. Dana: [sigh] >"Those things are ANNOYING," Kiran: Random shouting! Joy. Dana: Maybe she's going through puberty. >she said to herself, "but they’re cool after they evolve. GO, >MR.FUZZUMS!!" Her Wigglytuff stepped forward to battle with the >little Clifairy. Kiran: He wasn't *huge*, then? >"Mr. Fuzzums, SING!" Mr. Fuzzums sang, and the Clifairy fell asleep. >"POKEBALL, GO!0" Kitty threw a pokeball and caught the Clifairy. Cid: The combat scenes in this fic are exceptional! Kyza: Exceptionally short. >"I’ll call you....POOKIE-POO!" Kitty laughed insanely at the name. Cid: She and she alone. >She acted like a psycho sometimes. Dana: Only sometimes? Kyza: Even psychos have to sleep. >Oh, well. There was her excitement for the day. She hoped not, >anyway. Kiran: Coherency is not this guy's strong point. >She put her hands in her pockets and continued to walk, looking for >someone...ANYONE to fight with. >After walking around for a VERY long time and not finding anyone, >Kitty decided to walk into a nearby restaurant. Kyza: That's Stinky's gimmick! Dana: Are you going to be like this all fic? >"Yum," she thought, "Burger King...now THAT’s class." Cid: Shameless plug #1. >She walked up to the counter to order. "I’ll have a...number three Kyza: The toilet? Right over there. >with lettuce and mayo and a sprite to drink." ((that’s what I always order.)) >She paid. And waited. And waited. And waited. And finally >got her meal. Happy as she could be, Kitty sat down to eat her >beautiful hamburger. Kiran: Beautiful hamburgers... Oh-kay. Kyza: Maybe they're worth drooling over. >As she shoved the first half of her burger into her mouth, Cid: Which would give her a rather large mouth... Kyza: Maybe it *is* Naga. >she realized that the thing was freezing cold! "AHH! CHARMIE, GO!" >She threw a pokeball, and out popped her best pokemon, a Charizard. Cid: Stupid question, but wouldn't a Charizard be *bigger* than the Burger King building? Kyza: It's the Charizard *pocket*. >"Charmie," she whined, Dana: Fine, so she's Serena now. Kyza: Same brain power, I see. Kiran: [moans] Now we'll be lynched by all the Moonies, *as well* as Eva freaks! >"my burger’s cold! Go fry those guys that made it." Cid: That's... imaginative. Kyza: This is what passes for a plot twist in this story. >Kitty followed Charmie as it walked over to the counter. "Hello!" >said the lady at the register, "Welcome to Burger King! How may I >he--" Charmie used its FLAMETHROWER attack on the lady, and Kitty >started to laugh again. Cid: Heh. Yeah. Fire. Cool. Heh. Heh. >"That was COOL, Charmie! I love you!" then she gave her Charizard a >great, big hug. > >"Ok, Charmie, now fix my burger. It’s still kinda cold, ya know." >Charmie used EMBER on the hamburger, and burned it to ashes. Kitty >frowned. Kyza: No Scooby Snacks for you! >"Oh, well. I wasn’t all that hungry, anyway." Dana: Just bloodthirsty. Mwahahahahaha! >Kitty walked along a path in the forest, still searching for someone >to fight with. Cid: Don't worry. The Pokemon fans with chainsaws should be along any minute. >Suddenly, she heard a voice. >"Got pokemon?" Kitty whirled around to see a figure approaching from >the shadows. "FINALLY," Kitty thought, "Someone to fight with!" Kiran: Doesn't anyone in Pokemon have a good ol' fashioned gun? How would you mug someone with Pokemon? Kyza: Cute them to death. >The shadowy figure approached, and, standing a few feet from Kitty, >asked, "Wanna battle?" >"YEA!" shouted, Kitty. Kyza: Or Nay, even. Kiran: See? This *is* a shakespearean play! >"I choose...CHARMIE!" Kitty threw out the pokeball contianing her >Charizard. >"Ok, then," answered the stranger, "I choose Normie." She threw out >a pokeball contianing an Alakazam. Kyza: Normie? Cid: Mr. Fuzzums? Kyza: Point. >"CHARMIE! SLASH ATTACK NOW!" Charmie began to run towards the >Alakazam. > >"NORMIE! SUBMISSION ATTACK!" Normie began to run towards the >Charizard. Kyza: Hey! I said Submission Attack! Cid: You didn't say when! >The moment grew tense as the two very high-level pokemon ran towards >each other. They came closer and closer and closer...when suddenly, >BONK!!! Kyza: Oh, yuck. Poke-lemon. Dana: That's enough innuendo out of you this week. >They ran into eachother and passed out. Cid: Totally ignoring the fact that the Charizard would have crushed the Alakazam into pulp. Kiran: This isn't a fight. This is a conflict. >Sweat drops formed over the heads of both Kitty and the strange >girl. Kiran: It's... it's... Sailor Moon/Shakespeare/Slayers! >Neither of whom had ever been beaten. Kyza: [dryly] I find that very, very hard to believe. >"Well," commented Kitty, "It seems we’re evenly matched." Dana: What? Where are her other Pokemon? Kiran: Well, since she didn't end up eating that burger, Mr. Fuzzums- Dana: That's sickening. >"Yea," said the other trainer, still completely astonished. A few >moments passed. "The name’s Pyra." Pyra stuck out her hand to shake >Kitty’s. Kitty shook it. "Mine’s Kitty. Cid: Hello Kitty! Dana: Don't make me greviously injure you. >Nice to meet you. Who’s that?" Kitty pointed to the Persian that sat >by Pyra’s feet. Kiran: That's a rug, you idiot. >"Oh," answered Pyra, "That’s Dr. Claw." Cid: The new Marvel supervillain! Kiran: A giant cat? Too intimidating to be from Marvel. >Dr. Claw stuck it’s nose up Dana: Don't even think about it. >in the air and said, quite matter-of-factly, "PURRRRSIAN!" > >"And who’s that?" asked Pyra, looking at Mr. Fuzzums. > >"That’s my pal, Mr. Fuzzums." > >"Mr. FUZZUMS?" Pyra began to laugh out loud. "What kind of name is that for a Pokemon?" Kyza: A very, very bad one. >"Well, what kind of name is Dr. Claw? It sounds like a character >from a really lame 80’s cartoon!" Cid: What did I tell you? Dana: Nothing we wanted to know. >They both glared at eachother evily for a few seconds, and then both >burst out laughing. Kiran: Ah, I see the medication's kicked in... >"Hey," said Kitty. "You wanna join Team Rocket?" "Um...why?" asked >Pyra. > >"’Cause it’s cool." > >"Oh, ok. Sure." Dana: Beachside property. Sahara. Need I say more? >Then as the two friends walked off in search of other stuff to do, >Pyro Cid: No, that's Kitty. >nudged Kitty and asked, with a hint of insanity in her voice, >"hey...got a Tauros?" Kyza: No, but I do have a *Taurus*. Kiran: Don't have a cow, man! >"No...Tauros is really rare," Kitty answered Pyra’s question. "Why >do you ask?" > >"Well," replied Pyra, "I own 149 pokemon... Dana: And you lost to vacuum brain here? What kinda lame pokemon master are you? >I’m almost a pokemon master, and Tauros is the only thing standing >in my way!!" Kiran: Can't you just tell it to move? Cid: That's so... in character. >"Oh." The two friends continued to walk and talk untill they came to >another pokemon trainer...at least, he SEEMED like a pokemon >trainer...kind of... Cid: Well, actually, he was a one-legged leperous dog juggling three tables and a packet of chips. It's just that Kitty couldn't tell the difference. Kiran: I see they've raised the standard of trainers since Kitty joined. >"HEY! Stop right there..." The trainer gave them both a sly look. Cid: It's a mormon! Run! >"You can’t pass by this way untill you battle ME! The local BUG >CATCHER!" Dana: [sarcastic] I'm soiling myself already. >Kitty and Pyra looked at him in amazement. Bug catcher? Who did this >guy think he was? Kiran: Just your generic six-pack Bug Catcher. >"Don’t worry ‘bout it," said Kitty, "I’ll take care of this loser." Cid: She's going to commit suicide? Dana: Not *that* loser. >"Go, Weedle!" Bug Catcher sent out Weedle. Kiran: No, really? >"Go, Charmie!" Kitty LOVED to overdo it. Kyza: Just like the authour, then. Cid: Please don't let this be a self-insertation. >Charmie turned around, looking for his enemy, Dana: Target Aquired! >when, "CRUNCH!" Charmie had to clean the Weedle off the bottom of >his foot. > >"WEEDLE!!" Bug catcher seemed quite attatched to his little insect, >though Kitty and Pyra couldn’t see WHY. The Bug Catcher collected >the little pieces of Weedle off the ground, and held them in his >arms as he ran for the nearest pokemon center. Kiran: Uh-huh. Right. Cid: [British] It's just a flesh wound! Dana: [sigh] At least he didn't run 'into' it. >"That was...pretty lame," commented Pyra. Cid: I'm glad we're not the only ones reading this fic. >As they continued their conversation, Dr. Claw and Mr. Fuzzums were >having their own. > >"Wiggly! Wigglytuff!" "Purrrrrrsian!" Both of the pokemon began to >laugh. Dana: You're kidding! She failed english too? >"I wonder what they’re talking about?" asked Pyra. > >"They’re probably talking about us." the two humans laughed. > >"So," Kitty tried to carry on the conversation, Cid: And was promptly crushed under it's immense weight! Kiran: Getting dark today, are we? Dana: Stupid is more like it. >"What are your favourite pokemon types?" Kiran: Dead! Mwahahahaha! >"You’ve probably already guessed that I like psychic pokemon, but I >also like electric. How about you?" > >"Fire’s my thing!" Kitty winked at Pyra. "Charizard and Ninetails >are awesome." At this, Mr. Fuzzums puffed up and made a kind of >honking sound. Kitty started laughing. "but Wigglytuff is cool, >too. It can put other pokemon to sleep any time it wants to!" [The TV suddenly skips, and the last part begins playing over and over again. Kiran pulls out her blaster and empties it into the TV. Dana points, and an arc of lightning incinerates the set. Kyza jumps up, flips over the couch, and slashes the VCR into pieces. It crackles slightly as it falls apart. Cid throws his powerbook through what remains of the screen] [VO] Dr. F: Hey! You're going to have to pay for that! Cid: Dammit, it was worth it! [VO] Dr. F: I was just going to tell you that it was over, actually. The fic was never finished. Kyza: I guess the PokeManiacs finally found the authour. [VO] Dr. F: Well, I suppose I'll be needing your reviews. Cid: You have got to be joking! Charizard shrinks and grows, everyone acts like fugitives from Betty Ford, and the whole cast has about two brain cells between them! Pokemon fights are two lines long, and the plot just plain sucks. What did you want us to say? [VO] Dr. F: Anyone else? Dana: Short fic, shorter review. [VO] Dr. F: Very well. You can go. Kiran: What've we got next week? [VO] Dr. F: How does "The Apperance: Scouts Help Fellow Scouts" sound? Dana: Decidedly... lemony. [Dr. Forrester begins to laugh to himself as he pushes the button and switches off] Kyza: [innocently] So, anyone for a game of poker? [Zoom out to a view of the large apartment building. Freeze and fade out as the apartment explodes in a blaze of white] ********************************************************************* MSTed by T. Chen jedi_knight_@hotmail.com. The archive can be found at http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/5239/ C&C welcome! Original work, "Kitty" was written by Xoron. No copyright infringement or offense was intended by this MSTing, which is for amusement purposes only. Pokemon and all related characters belong to Nintendo. MST3K is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Dana, Cid, and Kyza belong to T. Chen, 1999. *********************************************************************