My fist MiSTing (that I'm letting people see)! Be afraid. Really though, this story is by bryon.fife@sympatico.ca, or "Pika-chan". I have his permission, and everything in this fanfic, with the exception of Jessie, James, Meowth, Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu and so on is his own work. You can find this original text at http://teamr.upnetwork.com/fanfiction.html, listed with Pika-Chan's work. My e-mail address is bean118@aol.com. Some of you might remember the HoloDeck series that was MiSTed. I spell checked this, I swear it. Now, dim the lights... [Insert theme song here] [SoL Bridge. Mike is looking into Cambot, as our faithful robot buddies stare into a jar of water] Mike: 'Morning there, Cambot! It's a beautiful day up on the ol' SoL, and... Tom: [interrupting] Are you SURE you stirred it for a minute and a half? Crow: Darnit, I stirred for a minute and a half six times already! Tom: Didja add the little packet labeled "1"? Crow: You sat here and watched me! Mike: We just got a new kit up here, and we're pretty excited. Tom: Then why aren't the Sea Monkeys hatching? Crow: Shy? Mike: That's right, we have Sea Monkeys. But, it appears we have some trouble here ... Gypsy: [enters] Boys, I have some soup on and I don't want you... [looks at jar] what is that? Crow: They're our Sea Monkeys. Tom: But they won't hatch. You're sure you stirred them? Crow: You stir them! Tom: You're the one with the pseudo-functioning arms, remember? Gypsy: [Looks beside jar] Uhm, boys? Crow: Then don't knock how I - Gypsy: Boys? Tom: I wasn't knocking how you - Gypsy: Boys! Tom & Crow: [Quite angry] WHAT?! Gypsy: [motions best she can to beside the jar. We see a small packet labeled "2"] You forgot to add the eggs. Tom: Whoopsie. Crow: [sheepishly adds in eggs and stirs as Tom watches intently] Hey! I see them! I see them! Mike: [Looks at jar] I think that's dust, boys. Sea Monkeys are generally too small to see at birth, or they're just plain hard to see. Sea Monkeys, or Brine shrimp, also move with little... Tom: You researched Sea Monkeys? Mike: Well... Tom: [Coughs, and adds "nerd" in-between a cough or six] Mike: [Glares at Tom as Mads Light goes off] Oh, great, it's the disgruntled ones. [Presses the light] What can we do for you, oh controller of our oxygen? [Castle Forrester] Pearl: Hello, my dear little lab rats! And how are we? [SoL] Crow: We're Monkified! [Castle Forrester] Pearl: [pause] Oookay. Anywho, I have a wonderful fanfic today. You boys know about Pokemon, right? [SoL] [M&TC nod] Mike: It's all over, how could you miss it? Tom: Ooo! Ooo! I have the Team Rocket Motto memorized! "To protect the world from devastation!" Crow: [repeating after him] "To unite all people in our nation!" Tom: "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" Crow: "To extend our reach to the stars above!" Tom: "Jess"- hey, wait! [Crow cracks up] [Castle Forrester] Dr. F: Bobo and Brain Guy know that too. [Bobo and Brain Guy enter, dressed in Team Rocket uniforms.] Bobo: Jessie! Brain Guy: James! Bobo: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light! Brain Guy: Surrender now, or prepare to fight! [We see a small talking Meowth toy chucked on stage, but it doesn't really say anything understandable.] Pearl: Brain Guy, do you have the fanfic ready for our faithful experiments? Brain Guy: Fanfic? Oh, right! Pearl: Good. Your fanfic today is "The Next Team Rocket", to keep pace with Bobo and Brain Guy's new hobby. Have fun with it. [SoL. Movie sign goes off] Mike: We've got fanfic sign! [Chaos as the door thingie goes on] [Theater. The SoL crew takes their usual seats] Tom: [whispers to Crow] I am NOT Jessie! Crow: Sure, sure. You have the wig in the room, right? Everything else is in there ... Mike: Stop it you two, the fanfic's starting! > The Next Team Rocket Tom: Dun dun duuuuun! > by Pika-chan Mike: Doesn't that mean "Electric Friend" in Japanese? Crow: Pika-chan, the Electric Friend! For only $29.95! Order now, most major credit cards are accepted. > Part One: The Meeting Tom: Jessie and James worked at BigCo.. Crow: Selling Pika-chan, the Electric Friend! Buy now, $29.95! Limited quantities available. > (Ash and his friends have met again with Team Rocket and are arguing with > them > on the Crow: Price of Pika-chan, your Electric Friend? Mike: Buddy, it only works so many times. >road just outside Seridan City) Mike: There is no Seridan City! A Saffron, or a Celadon... Tom: 'You play? Mike: [quickly] No! > "For the last time...."Jesse Crow: Hey, it's a new Team Rocket member! Tom: I think that's just a typo. Ignore it, and we'll go on. > said angrily, pointing to Ash. "Give us that > Pikachu." Tom: No wanna give Pikachu! Ash keep! > "Yeah." James complained. Crow: We're too lazy and whinny to just kick your scrawny butts and take him ourselves! >"We’ve been following you all over for ages. Mike: And whose fault is that? >If > you > give it to us we’ll stop bugging you." Tom: Pretty please with cute little sprinkles and sugar on top? > "I don’t want to give up Pikachu." Ash stated, hugging his little yellow > Pokemon. "Look at it this way. How would you like it if someone took Meowth > away > from you?" Mike: Want him? We can trade. > "Got any yarn on you?" James asked. > "I’ve got a ball of string in my backpack." > "It’ll do." Jesse said, and picked up Meowth. "Here you go. He’s all yours." Crow: Mike, do you have some sort of power we don't know about? Mike: [smug] Maybe. > "Hey!" Meowth yelled, struggling angrily in her grip. Tom: I thought we agreed, no more slave camps! > "Alright, how about if I traded you my Pikachu for your Ekans?" Ash asked. > "I know I’d miss Pikachu like crazy." Crow: We wouldn't! > "How about a week long trade? See if you miss Ekans or not." Brock prodded > from > where he stood beside Ash. Tom: To protect him from the radioactive rays given off by Jessie and James. Mike: There's a reason they glow! > "Ah, no. I’ve been through that." Jesse said, sweatdropping. "James and I > traded > Pokemon for three days last month. > Ekans bit him and I got smoke poisoning > from > Koffing. I trade for Pikachu and we’ll both be in ICU at the Pokemon center. > You, snake bite, me, severe electrocution burns. Nooo, thanks." Crow: Uh! Why not!? I like physical pain! > "But you missed Ekans when you traded with James right?" Misty asked from > behind > Ash. All: No! > "Well, geez, yeah. I mean, I’ve had him since I was two." Jesse mummbled, > shrugging. "I guess I missed him. Yeah." Tom: Yeah, uh huh, ho boy, oh buddy. > "So you wouldn’t want to trade him?" Crow: We're quick today, aren't we, Ash-ey boy? > "No." [Gasps from around the theater] > "Then you can see why I don’t want to give away Pikachu. He’s as special to > me > as Ekans is to you." Ash stated. Mike: I mean, skip the fact that Ash and Pikachu have known each other for a collective three months while Jessie had Ekans since she was two. Tom: And the snake still hasn't evolved, mind you. > "I think he’s got you nailed, Jesse." James said. [Mike clamps Crow's beak shut] > "I think you’re right." she muttered in reply. > Then Jesse, James, Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu all heard it. Tom: Ash's pants then lit fire after he cut the big one. > "Come battle.....Squirtle!" A red and white Pokeball Mike: Came out and did a snazzy dance! > sailed between Jesse > and > James, hit Mike: Jessie? James? Crow: The plot? >the ground and popped open. A Squirtle jumped out. It said, > "Squirtle, Squirtle." Tom: And who here is shocked? > Another voice chimed in. "I choose fighter.....Charazard!" another Pokeball > flew > over Ash’s head and landed, Mike: On Ash's head? Crow: On the plot? > popping open. A Charazard Tom: Hey, everyone, new Pokemon! >popped out. It growled > meancingly at the Squirtle. Crow: I know where you live! > From either side two teens ran into the space between Team Rocket and their > rivals. > "Sorry." apologized the girl who entered between Jesse and James. "Impromptu > match between siblings. Hope you don’t mind." Mike: 'Smatter a'fact, we do. Ekans, eat these people! > She had sharp blue eyes and > purplish hair, like James’. Crow: And she also had an odd purple triangle above her head, and enjoyed "Tubby Tustard." > It was styled in a middle part at front with a > little wisp falling between her eyes. Tom: What, does it deflect bullets? > But in back it was pulled up in a > ponytail. Her ears sported large round green studs. Mike: That dragged the ground? > Her red lipped mouth > curled > to one side in a pleased smile. Tom: Why is she smiling? Mike: She's the only one who knows where she planted the explosives. > "Of course we don’t mind. We’ll watch from the side of the road." Brock said > dreamily, face turning a glowing red. Crow: Oh, that's why she's smiling. > "Good idea. It’ll be safer that way." said the boy who had pushed his way > between Misty and Ash. > He was strikingly handsome, Mike: Unlike everyone else in the 'fic ... > with red hair swept back in a stylish middle > part, > one loose wisp hanging in his face. Tom: 'His deflects bullets, too? > His eyes were a shocking emerald. Mike: He shocked people when he looked at them? Tom: At least he didn't turn them to stone. I'm not up for a Mythology cross over. > The group strode over to the side of the road and watched as the two battled. > > "Charazard!" the boy called out. "Scorch!" Crow: No! > The dragon-like lizard jumped up and spewed a giant fireball at the little > Squirtle. Tom: Which unfortunately ignited the countryside and killed everyone. The end! > "Squirtle!" The girl cried. "Protect yourself!" Mike: What's he gonna do, go in his shell? > The Pokemon popped into it’s > shell to wait out the blast. Crow: Mike, you're scaring me here. Mike: Actually, that one was a guess. > When Charazard paused and opened it’s mouth to > dredge up another fireball Squirtle jumped out of it’s shell. Tom: Yee-haw! We gonna roast ourselves tonight! > "Squirtle! Give it your best aimed watergun!" the girl commanded. Crow: As opposed to your usually wussy-aimed one! > Without futher intstruction the Squirtle threw a wave of water down the > Charazard’s throat. The dragon pokemon drew back, with the oddest look on > it’s > face, and coughed out a cloud of black smoke. Tom: They been smokin'! Call the American Cancer Association! > The boy started. "Not bad sis." he said. "Charazard return! I choose > fighter.....Pikachu!" > He threw a second Pokeball and a Pikachu popped out. It was a brighter > yellow > than Mike: The pastel yellow everyone's been wearing >Ash’s Pikachu and had pink circles on it’s cheeks instead of red. Ash > felt Crow: ... that he *really* needed therapy. > Pikachu go limp in his arms and looked down to see the little Pokemon > drooling > over the other. Tom: Oh, crap, Pikachu, does it HAVE to be on my shoe? You're gonna pay. > "Oh sheesh. Don’t tell me you like her." Ash muttered. Mike: Good corn, you came out only three months ago... are we gay or not? > "You kidding?" Meowth said from beside him. "He’s head over heels for her." Mike: Soo, we're bi? Pikachu, I'm getting mixed signals here. > "On first sight?" Ash asked > "It happens." Meowth grinned, nodding to Brock who was still beet red and > staring at the girl. Crow: Mmm... woman... > "Hey I just noticed something." James said suddenly, pointing to the two > trainers. "They’re wearing Team Rocket Uniforms!" Tom: Are we a little bit dense, there? > "That’s weird." Jesse mused. "I thought we knew everyone at Headquarters." Mike: Or so she SAYS. > "What else is weird...." James said angrily. "Here we are chasing after that > Pikachu and he already has one!" Crow: He thought of beating up people first! > "Maybe the boss wants two?" > "Oh, good point." Mike: Yes, Lawgiver. Boss wants two. > "So you wanna play dirty do ya?" The girl said defiantly. Crow: Well, then, roll in that mud over there! > "Water versus > electricity is no fair! Squirtle return! Come battle......" Tom: Well, le'see... gee, I don't have anything else. Sorry! > lifting a > pokeball > she spun on her toes and twisted around, hurling the ball into the air, and > lifting one leg to pivot on her left foot. ".....Koffing!" [Everyone in the theater coughs] > The Pokemon bounced into the air. > "Pikachu against Koffing?" James asked. Tom: And then coughed. >"That’s a death sentence for that > poor > Pokemon!" [Everyone cheers] > "Actually no." the boy said turning briefly to James. "She handles that > Koffing > really well. It’s a great match." he turned back to the fight. "Pikachu! > Thundershock!" Tom: Hey, union rules say different. > The Pikachu released a huge blast of electric energy. > "Koffing! Refelction fog!" Mike: Hey, everyone, it's OmniKoffing! Crow: Reflection Fog - so shiny you can see yourself in it! We'll package it with Pika-chan, your electric friend, for only $34.95! > The Koffing relased a blast of shimmering smoke then shot up into the air > out of > the road of the Pikachu’s electric attack. Tom: "Road of the Pikachu" would be a butt-kicking CD title. > The lighting bolts bounced off the fog and shot back at the Pikachu. The > little > animal was chared a toasty brown. [Everyone cheers] > It coughed Mike: Koffing! >a puff of smoke Tom: Quick, where's the American Cancer Association? >and fell over. Crow: And died. The end! > "Wow!" James exclaimed. "I didn’t know a Koffing could do that!" Tom: Then again, you also don't know your numbers up to twelve. > Pikachu bolted out of Ash’s arms. Mike: Bolted? Tom: He *is* electric... Crow: Owwie! > He ran to the play field, between the boy > and > girl and stopped next to the fallen female Pikachu. > "Pika?" He asked, shaking the other. Tom: Shake that booty... > "Pikachu get up.." the boy groaned. "You know we don’t fall for that one." Mike: OK, so that dumb rat does. But I don't! Get up, or I'll come over there! > With a sigh of defeat the Pikachu got up. She had been faking the whole > thing! Crow: No, that's too easy. > "Koffing!" called the girl. [Everyone coughs] >"Crash/Posion Gas Attack!" Tom: One or the other, you pick, I don't really care. > The Pokemon swooped down and knocked into it’s opponent, at the same time > releasing a blast of gas into the Pikachu’s face. This happened several > times > before she finally fell over, hacking. Mike: No, *coughing*. It's not called a "Haking"... > "Looks like I win." the girl smirked. Her Koffing came to float beside her. > She > patted it. "Good work Koffing." Crow: Yesss, precious. We did goooood. > "Good game." the boy replied, and picked up his Pikachu. "Pretty good fake > out > but you need a new strategy for practice fights." he said. Tom: Not to mention a strategy for commas. > The Pokemon nodded. "Ka-chu." Mike: Aww, it caught a cold! > "That’s some very nice Pokemon handling." Brock said coming up to the two > trainers. He was staring directly at the girl, face a bright red. Crow: face a bright red brick wall? Tom: face a bright red balloon? Mike: I think the author forgot to say, "his" there. >"I’m Brock, All: Hi, Brock! > and this is Misty, Ash and Pikachu. All: Hi, Misty, Ash, and Pikachu! >Those three nuts over there are Jesse, > James > and Meowth. All: Hi, nuts over there known as "Jesse", James, and Meowth! >You can ignore them." Tom: Aww, but they're so much fun to riff! > "I’m Ruka and this is Ryer." said the girl pointing to herself, then the boy. Mike: This is Rom and Rrow. Tom: And this here is Rike. > "We're Team Rocket Two. Ambassdors from the Gemini Gym in Satrudo City." Crow: Team Rocket Two - Ambassadors from the Gemini Gym in Satrudo City. Coming to Theaters May 18th. Tom: Team Rocket Two, sponsored by THE AMAZING RANDO! Mike: This isn't the movie, Tommy-boy. > "The Gemini Gym?" Misty said. "I’ve never heard of that." Crow: What, you don't get our free newsletter? > "And where's Satrudo City?" Ash asked. Tom: Up your.. Mike: TOM! Tom: Whaat? > Jesse and James then pushed their way into the crowd. Crow: A crowd consisting of three people. Mike: Three's Company! > "What do you mean you’re Team Rocket two!?!" James yelled. "We’re Team > Rocket!! > The original Team Rocket!!!" Tom: Never duplicated, never disputed! We're the only sissies around here! > "The original Team Rocket runs the Gemini Gym." Ruka replied with a laugh. Crow: They gassed her, I bet. > "They’re our parents and you two....." she turned to look at them. Then she > froze and began to babble > hitting her brother on the shoudler until he > turned > around too. Tom: The ill effects of looking at Jessie and James. > "What is it?" he asked. Then... "Yaa!" Mike: For the love of... get those stupid masks off and show us who you REALLY are! > "What?" Jesse demanded. "Some sort of huge monster behind us or something?" > "No. It’s you." Ruka breathed. "You’re Tom: incredibly ugly... > our parents......except you’re > seventeen!" Crow: As opposed to sixteen or eighteen! > "Oh darn it WORKED! Meowth wasn’t kidding about it being a time machine." > Ryer > yelled. Mike: The large, bold-lettered sign should've been a clue. > "Gee. A tin can and a dead energizer battery. Who would have thought..." > Ruka > muttered. [Mike, Crow and Tom stare at screen] Crow: Hullo? I'm made of a lot more stuff then that, and I can't even hatch sea monkeys properly! Tom: Hey.. does anyone but me smell a way off the SoL? > "What year is this?" Ryer asked. > "1999." Jesse said. > "Aaugh! We’re not born for six years! " Ruka screamed. "I want to go home!!!" Tom: Quick, someone do the math. Mike: They were born innn... 2005, and Jessie and James were 23 each. Crow: Ladies and Gentlemen, useless information! > "Quit whining." Ryer snapped. Tom: I doh-wanna. > "Since when do you get to order me around!?!" Ruka screamed, picking up a > mallet > and whacking Ryer up the back of the head. Mike: And where'd she get the mallet? Crow: Mallet's-R-Us. Tom: Geez, pay attention. > "Since I’m older!" he yelled, grabbing a bigger mallet. Mike: That's from Mallet's-R-Us? Crow: No, that's M-Mart. Mike: Are you guys just doing this to annoy me? Tom: Maybe. > "By two minutes you idiot!" Tom: And when was this an issue? > A young Meowth jumped down in between the two siblings. "I’m youngest!" it > said > with a happy grin. Crow: Whoop-dee-doo. Let's all give a round of applause for the little Meowth. > "Boy. Don’t you just suck the fun right out of this." Ruka muttered, looking > at > the Pokemon, sweatdropping and discarding her mallet. All: You do suck the fun right out of this! > "Sheesh Mew. How come you gotta be so happy all the time?" Ryer grummbled Mike: It's the frog pills! > "Blame my mother." She replied sweetly. Crow: She was never there for me as a kitten. > "Hold it a minute." Brock interrupted. "Are you two trying to say that Jesse > and > James here are your parents in the future?" Tom: No, we're trying to tell you that we're from the IRS, and you owe three grand in back taxes. > He pointed to Ruka and Ryer. > "Um.... How do you say that again, oh right.... Duh!" Ruka said > sarcastically. Mike: If she's a valley girl, I'm just going to have to commit suicide right in the theater. Tom: Not before you rip out our circuits and chew them up. > "Well you do look quite a lot like us." James mused, eyeing Ryer. > "And I certainly can’t argue with your fabulous fashion sense." Jesse > commented > scanning over they're identical Team Rocket uniforms. Tom: Ryer and Ruka are articles of clothing? > James looked from himself to Jesse. "Which of you belongs to which of us?" > Ruka and Ryer looked at each other and started giggling. Mike: Confused people are so funny! > "We’re both yours." Ruka snickered. > "We’re twins." Ryer chimed in. Tom: Siamese, to be exact. > "Huh?" Jesse and James both sweatdropped. Crow: I bred with THAT?! > "Okay, we’ll spell it out for you." Ryer said. He walked over to Jesse. " > You’re > our Mom." he said. Ruka ran over to James and took his hand. "And you’re our > Dad." Mike: And Ash is our uncle. Crow: And President Clinton is our Brother. Tom: And Bobo is our pet. > James and Jesse looked at each other in shock. "You mean....?" Jesse began. > "W.. we....?" James stammered. Crow: Well, from the looks of it, yeah. > Ruka and Ryer nodded, "Like we said. You’re our parents." Mike: Take notes, we wouldn't want you to forget. > Part Two: Tell Us All Tom: Next time, on Riki Lake. > "This is Koffing. All: Hi, Koffing! > He was my very first Pokemon that a caught myself. Crow: Iah caught him a'down south in that thar bayou.. >Then > I > caught Mike: A cold? > this Rhydon." Ruka proudly held up her two Pokeballs. Crow: Then dropped them and they rolled away. The end! > "I caught my Pikachu on my own but Ekans is one of Arbok’s babies." Ryer > said, > looking at Jesse. "You let me keep him." Tom: After I won him in that lawsuit, what else were you gonna do? > Team Rocket, Team Rocket Two and their rivals sat in the shade of a large > tree, > comparing Pokemon. Crow: All our Pokemon are wusses. So, how have you been? > "You caught a Pikachu? Aw gee." James whined. "We need one of those." Tom: If I wasn't such a ninny, I'd kick your butts and take yours. > "Don’t worry. A little more than five years and you’ll get fired. Crow: Oh, happy *day*, our little bearers of good news. >Then you > get > to be Pokemon trainers on your own. You run the Gemini Gym remember?" Tom: But... they're in the past... they run it in the future.. [sob] > "Fired?!" Jesse shouted. Crow: No, work challenged. We're being politically correct now. > "Yeah but it won’t happen for five years and we can’t tell you why or we’d > really mess up the time line." Ruka agreed. Tom: I mean, hey, us appearing here and telling you the future isn't hurting a *thing*, buuut.. > "But you make nice money anyway. Crow: On Welfare. > You > see after your boss died he hadn’t changed his business will. > He’d claimed > you > dependents to the whole company Mike: Because you're just *so* dependable. [There's a pause, then everyone laughs very hard] > and forgot to find somebody else to do it > after > her fired you. Tom: I see Giovanni had a sex change. > You own it now but you don’t really work there. Mostly you > spend > your time Mike: Calling in bomb threats and working with the Trench coat Mafia? > training Pokemon at the Gym in Satrudo but you really switched > everything around when you took over. The company doesn’t kidnap Pokemon > now. Crow: They just take a stick and go "Woogie woogie woogie!" in their face. > It’s a shelter for lost or hurt Pokemon. Like a Pokemon center for the ones > with > no masters. Brock hooked you up with some girl in the woods. Mike: Brock can't get a date himself, though! Tom: Like someone else we know? Mike: [whimpers] Maybe... > The one who > gave > Ash, Blubasaur?" > "Oh yeah, her...." Brock said dreamily. Crow: Mmm... Bulbasaur... salad... > "Anyway. That’s how it works now." Ruka said, sweatdropping as Brock sighed > dreamily. Tom: He was in a dreamlike state. We've established this, fanfic! > "Fired and then we take over the company and run our own gym." James said. " > I > like it." Mike: Does Jessie run the gym? People scare me. > "That’s Dad alright." Ryer mumbled. Tom: Wussy and yellow-bellied as ever. > "Yeah just younger." Ruka muttered in reply. Crow: Seeing as how it's the past and all. > "So who are you exactly?" Meowth asked, looking right at the younger cat > Pokemon. Tom: Hey, brain surgeon, her name is MEW. > "We’ll, you’re my Dad." She replied. Crow: And my mom is ... well ... let's just say they perfected cloning in the future. > "And Ruk and Ry command me. Tom: [Hypnotized] Yes... master... > They call > me Mike: Minion? Tom: Slave? Crow: Bobo? > Mew so they don’t confuse me with you since I’m a Meowth too." Tom: Is the author anti-comma, or what? > "Um, okay. But are you like a member of the second Team Rocket?" > Mew nodded. Mike: Mew talks to herself! > "Do you have a Headquarters of your own?" Ash asked Ruka. Tom: Don't look in the Pentagon's broom closet. > "We have a card table in the basement." Crow: And now, we have to kill you. > she replied. "But we’re looking into > a Tom: Beach house? > club house in the backyard." > "Yeah, and we have all manner of access to the house." Ryer added holding up > a > ring of keys. Mike: Gee, seeing as to how they LIVE THERE... > He began to flick them over the ring, naming them off. "House > key, > house key, house key, Tom: Bedroom key, kitchen key... Mike: Bathroom window picklock, balcony door picklock... > bathroom window picklock, balcony door picklock, Crow: Really, Nelson, I mean it... > access > card to main building of the Original Team Rocket Head Quarters, Tom: They use that one on Halloween! > Gym key, > Gym > key, Gym key, Garden gate picklock, Gym poolroom skylight picklock and is > all > else fails....smash." He held up a mallet and grinned. Tom: He has learned the way of the Jessie! > "Wow. We have a house?" James asked. Mike: No, you're penniless bums who single-handedly turned around a crime ring and started a gym. > "Yeah." Ryer nodded. "You travel a lot now but you will have one very nice > penthouse apartment downtown in Sutrudo. Crow: Which is unfortunately robbed and plundered regularly. >And the Gym is on two levels. Tom: You train Pokemon on level one, and Dad is kept on level two, after that incident with the Pokeball. >You > train > grass, ground and air Pokemon mostly but Ruka and I have our own little > section > for our rock, electric, fire and water Pokemon." Mike: Not to mention our secret government project with - oop, said too much already. > "Wow. We sure have a cool future." James said. Crow: Am I still a sissy boy in the future? > Jesse nodded. "Mm-hm." Tom: Mm-huh. Oh boy. Yes Lawgiver, whatever you say. > "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Misty asked. Crow: Uh, each other... > "No we're only children. Tom: But... but... you're twins... only children have no siblings... > But we have lots of friends." Ruka replied. "There' > s > our neightbours, Mike: The Torkelsons, > the Quads Crow: As opposed to the Bis, Tris or Pents? > and then my pen pal Nina who lives in Pallet. Tom: She works in the Pokemon underground, smuggling Pokemon and all. > I > see > her every year at the Pokemon convention on Evolution Mountain. Mike: I bet her mom and dad come, too. > Her Mom and > Dad > and her always come. Crow: Darnit, Nelson.. Mike: And she brings her Pikachu and Hitmonchan, and they battle. > She brings her Pikachu and Hitmonchan and we do battle. Crow: MIKE! Stop it right now! Mike: So, I shouldn't mention that she brings her three badges? > She > has three badges. Crow: How are you doing this? Mike: It's a secret! > Rock, Wind and Rainbow." Tom: Please, God, do not make this a Captain Planet crossover... > "Who are her parents. Anyone we know?" Ash asked. [Mike opens his mouth, but Crow reaches over and gags him] Crow: That's enough of predicting the future for this section. > "You and Misty." Ryer said. [Everyone shouts "Ooooooh!" and elbows each other] Crow: Ash and Misty finally landed the stealth bomber! Tom: Take HER out to the ball game! Mike: [sings] If they don't win it's a shaaame... > Misty and Ash both looked at each other and screamed, scrambling as far away > from each other as possible. Tom: Wait, something occurred to me. Misty and Ash are 10 years old when this all happens, and it's implied that Nina, Ruka and Ryer are the same age. Mike, can you do the math? Mike: Misty and Ash had Nina when they were 16. That's disgusting! Crow: In the interest of good taste, I shall not comment. Mike: Thank you. > "I married HIM!?!" Misty screamed. Tom: No duh. > "I can't believe this! I wouldn't fall in love with that bug hating, bike > possesive, carrot top in ten million years!" Ash yelled. Crow: Ten million years, no. Six, no problem! > "Who are 'the Quads'?" Brock asked, ignoring his companions. Mike: The Quadrupeds, bucko. Get with it. > "The Quadruplets." Ryer explained. "They're your daughters. Katie, Kitty, > Kimmi > and Kat." Tom: Mike? Math? Mike: It's assumed that Brock is around 15 ... He was 21 when the Quads were born. That’s better. > "Do they have any siblings?" Crow: Yeah, see, we spliced two of the Quads with a tin can and a battery ... > "They have a baby brother, but Jordan's to little to play with much yet. > He' > s > not that much of a playmate but is he ever cute!" Ruka sighed. Tom: Mmm ... and dreamy ... I have this poster of him.. Mike: Crow! No, Tom! > "The quads > all > look exactly alike. Crow: [sings] When Quads ... are four of a kiiind! > Pink hair tied back in loops, blue eyes, and they all > have a Tom: Paranoid complex? > Vulpix. They can't even tell each other apart. Mike: Let alone the Teletubbies. > Almost the only way to tell > them > apart is either how they laugh, Crow: We poke them in the belly a lot. > or their badges. Katie has a Marsh Badge for > defeating an Alakazam Phsycic Pokemon, Tom: That phrase hurt. > Kitty beat a Gloom and got a Grass > Badge, Mike: Yuhp, just smacked 'em around a little. > Kimmi earned a Water Badge for defeating a Squirtle, and Kat won an Ice > Badge > battling a Hitmonchan." Tom: Back up ... Hitmonchan is a fighting pokemon! And there is no Ice Badge! > "Pink hair?" Brock asked. "Who's their mother?" Crow: Mimi? > "Oh she works as a nurse at the Pokemon center. Everyone calls her Joy." Crow: Probably because that's her name. > "Nurse Joy!?!" Brock yelled. "YEEEESSS!" Tom: I get a loser wife, loser kids, and live in the valley of LOSERS! > "What else is different in the future? Are there robot slaves?" James asked, > his > eyes wide with the thought. Crow: Yes, no thanks to *you*. Tom: Wait, robot slaves? [Crow and Tom scream] > "They've invented the three day work week." Ryer shrugged. Mike: Hey, would I only have to be up here three days a week? > "And suits and > ties > are practically antique. Everything is casual and comfortable." Tom: Everyone is ruled by Pearl Forrester, and jumpsuits are quite fashionable. This is all thanks to a temp and his robot friends who participated in an experiment on the Satellite of Love. Mike: I feel so significant. > "Anything else?" Jesse asked, "What's in style in your era?" Crow: Were we not paying attention? Jumpsuits, fool! > "Fur is making a comeback." Ruka mused. Tom: Especially mole and muskrat fur. And hey, the animals *are* good eatin', so it all works out. > "But the really big thing with the > girls > is short skirts. Mike: I think I'm gonna like the future! > Everybody at the mall really loves my Team R outfit. I just > leave off the jacket and put on my sandals and I'm set." Tom: In stone. > "Everyone at the mall? Don't you go to school?" Jesse asked. Crow: That's another thing ... arson is *really* popular. > "We used to go to The Pokemon Academy...." Ryer said forlornly. "That brain > school you and Dad tried to get in to when you were younger? Tom: But were kicked out of because of that incident with the rubber cement and the teacher's chair? > But all the > kids > there were obessesed with facts, battle ranks and satistics." > "They made both of us feel really dumb," Ruka broke in. Mike: And I'm sure that's really hard to do. [There's a pause, then everyone laughs their heads off] > "And we were always > afraid of saying something wrong, because punishments were really harsh. Crow: Thirty lashes, then they sent us up in a satellite and made us watch bad movies with some "Nelson" guy. > When we > graduated the kindergarten class you and Dad pulled us out with a letter of > complaint to the school board on their discipline policy. Tom: Dear Board, you are very not nice and are just plain big meanies. >We've been home > schooled almost all our lives." > "You taught us pretty much everything we know." Ryer shrugged. Mike: You made us the morons we are today. > "I just have to ask this." James sighed, looking to Jesse with a look > idicating > that his curiosity ahd gotten the better of him again. Crow: Do they have those snow cones in the future? > "Which of us is your favorite parent?" he said. Tom: To be honest, we like Misty way better than any of you. > Ruka and Ryer looked at each other. > "Geez. I don't know. We like you both." Ruka said. [Everyone groans] > "We don't have a favorite." Ryer agreed. [Everyone groans again] > "That's all I needed to know." James smiled. Mike: At least you don't like that ninny, "Jesse" better. [Mike picks up Tom, and everyone exits.] [Door sequence] [SoL Bridge. Crow and Tom seem to have two Gameboys hooked up, and are playing them intensely] Tom: OK, Gyrados! I choose you! Crow: Graveler! Go! Mike: [enters] What are you two doing? Tom: Not now! We're playing Pokemon. Mike: Oh. [peeks on Crow's Gameboy] Crow: Graveler, rock throw! Tom: Gyrados, surf! [We hear a small, digital roar coming from Crow's Gameboy, as his jaw drops open] Crow: You killed my Graveler in one shot! Tom: Water is stronger against rock. You didn't have a prayer. Mike: Isn't that unfair? Tom: Crow could've pulled out his Pikachu and knocked the snot outta me, but he didn't. Crow: Yeah... well... I let you win! That's it! Mike: So, in today's fic, that's why Koffing beat Pikachu? Tom: Actually, no. Poison has an advantage over Grass and Bug, but not Electric. Mike: Fanboy. Tom: Hey! Crow: By the way, where did you get a Gyrados? I've looked all over. Tom: They evolve from Magikarp. It's amazing how the littlest, wussiest things evolve into big.. buttkickingly cool... [voice trails off as he looks toward the mason jar with the Sea Monkeys in it] Crow: What? Oh, the sea ... monkeys ... uh oh. Tom: Mike? Break's over. Mike: What? Why? Tom: The monkeys are evolving. Very slowly, now, back in the theater. Mike: But- Crow: No buts! Just do it! [We see the door sequence, but none of the usual fuss] [The boys take their seats in the theater] Mike: What, do you think the sea monkeys are going to evolve into some ... thing and kill us all? Tom: Nothing gets by you, does it? > The Next Team Rocket - Part Two > > by Pika-chan Crow: Your electric friend! How much would YOU pay? > Chapter Three - Believeablitiy Tom: Do you believe in magic? In a young girl's heart? > Misty stood up from under the tree Crow: And got hit in the head with an apple. > where she Ash and Brock had been > sitting with Team Rocket and the supposed Team Rocket Two from the future. Tom: Hey, electric friend, see this mark - "," ? It's a comma, learn it, use it, thank you, and goodnight. > "Well this has all been very interesting but I do not believe that I married > Ash, Crow: I've been talking to my therapist, and medication sounds like an interesting alternative. > that Brock got Nurse Joy and I defintely don't believe you guys are > from > the future." She said, looking right at Ruka and Ryer. Mike: What, as opposed to ranting at the ground? > "It's been a great charade but you can stop pretending to be Jesse and James > kids now. How about you go wash the dye out of your hair and leave us alone." Tom: Go away, young peasants. Do not anger the gym leader. > Ruka gaped at her. "You don't believe us?" she asked, her lower lip > quivering. Crow: [sarcasm] Noo! > "I can prove we're from the future." Ryer said angrily, standing up to face > Misty with one fist clenched. Mike: And the other fist behind his back, with his fingers crossed. > "Sorry, I wouldn't believe anything you showed me." Misty said and turned > away. "Ash? Brock? Are you coming or what?" Tom: What? Who? Where? > "Sorry but I agree with her." Ash said, getting up and carrying Pikachu with > him. "I think I must've gone nuts if I married her." Crow: In the future, you ARE on medication... > Brock groaned. "I'm afraid I don't believe you really either." Brock said. > "It's nice to imagine I married Nurse Joy but realistically I doubt it." Tom: She'd never go for a loser like me. > He got up and began to walk off with the other two. Crow: But, unfortunately, fell and broke his neck. The end! > James sat up straighter and shouted indignantly. "Fine! Don't believe them! > We believe them!" Tom: We're infinitely dense! > "I knew you'd agree Dad!" Ruka cried, throwing her arms around his chest. Crow: Please, pleeease let Ruka hit a nerve and cause James to pass out... > James turned red. "Um...You're welcome." > "Actually." Jesse said. Tom: Well. Huh. >"Misty brings up a good point. How can you prove > you really are our kids from the future?" Mike: With our AMAZING POWERS of ... uh ... uh oh. > Ryer pulled a collection of laminated pictures out of his back pocket. "I > have these pictures. Uh....lemme just find the right ones... Me and Katie, Tom: Watergate scandal ... > Softball Playoffs, Mike: Ruka getting mad and ruining dad's car with a bat... >Ruka and the Quads swimming, Crow: Ruka and the Quads getting called out of the water by lifeguard >Dad buried in pile of sand, Tom: Dad's shorts being eaten by a shark ... > Mom in odd outfit, Crow: She made the best chicken that one year. >Evolution Mountain Pokemon Convention..Ah ha! Here it is!" Mike: That MiSTing I was working on! Oops, wrong one. > Ryer passed the picture to Jesse. Crow: Jessie saw herself in the chicken outfit, and passed out. > "Hey! That's me and James!" She cried. Tom: What on earth are we doing dressed as Sonny and Cher? > The picture featured her and James > grinning and hugging each other. [Assorted whistles rise among the theater] > They were standing in front of a large blue > building with Mike: "Ladies Room" written on it? Crow: If you're right, I'm going to scream. > 'Gemini Gym' > printed over the door in silver letters [Crow heaves a sigh of relief] > "Meowth took that for you when you opened the gym." Ryer said. Tom: Despite the fact that he only has three fingers. > "You have yet > to be defeated on hometown ground. Dad's Growlie is legendary." Crow: ... for being beaten up the most times. > "Growlie's back!?!" James exclaimed excitedly. Mike: Hot dog, someone who's on the same intellectual level as me! > "He ate the petals of your old fiance Jessebell's Vileplume and then ran > away > from home." Ruka laughed. Tom: Then Jessiebell sued the tar out of you! Ha ha! > "He found you and he's been battling with Arbok, > Wheezing and Likitung at the gym since." > "Yay! I get my Growlie back!" James cheered. Crow: Then he danced. Then he sang. Then he cheered again. > "I don't know why you didn't bring it with you when you left home the second > time." Jesse grumbled. Tom: That was an option? > "He's too used to civilized life. He wouldn't like tromping around in the > woods with us." James stated. Mike: I mean, hey, forget the fact that he's a *dog*. > "You know this is kinda boring sitting here talking. Wanna do something?" > Ruka asked. Tom: Wanna burn a building? > "I have an idea!" James said. Crow: Hey! There really *are* miracles! > Chapter Four - Balloon Ride All: [singing] Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon? > > "It's been a while since I've seen to ol' Rocket balloon." Ryer said, > stroking his hand along the edge of the basket. Tom: Wow ... it was just about ... eight years from now. > "Yeah." Ruka grinned. "You stopped using it when Dad punched a hole in the > floor trying to step on a bug." Crow: Unfortunately, he fell through. That's the last we ever saw of him, but we heard he has a wonderful life on a farm now, cleaning stables. > Jesse laughed. Mike: That sounds just like my wussy, ill-begotten excuse of a man! > "This is a really terrific view." Ryer breathed leaning out of the basket. Crow: Quick, someone push him! > "Oh isn't it?" Mew agreed seating herself next to him. Crow: Push her too, fools! Two for one special! > "I never liked it much." Meowth stated. "It's all the same. Fields, fields, > fields." Tom: However, if you'd like a closer look... > "And cities!" Ruka cried. "Check it out! It's Satrudo!" > All the Rockets rushed to the side of the balloon basket. All: Push, push, push, push! > "Wow! Is that ever beautiful!" Jesse exclaimed. > "Look at all the water!" James said. Mike: That reminds me ... is there a tree anywhere near? > "HOME!" Ruka and Ryer wailed and began crying unconrtolably. Crow: One of the signs of depression! Tom: If you can't get help at Charter, please get help somewhere. > "You really miss your home don't you?" Jesse said, turning to the sobbing > teenagers. Tom: No, it's just allergies. Really! > Ruka and Ryer both nodded and sniffed deeply. [Assorted "snork" noises raise up over the theater] > "It's great being here, and no > offense, but we really Crow: ... *really* hate you people. > do need to find a way to get home." Ruka said. Mike: 'Have any tin cans and dead batteries? > Jesse and James nodded at each other. "We do need to send you back to the > future. You belong there." Tom: Besides, we don't like you. > Ryer began crying again. Mike: We don't like you either! > With and instinct she couldn't explain Jesse pulled > him Crow: No, Jessie, *push*, as in out of the balloon. > into a hug and stroked his back till he calmed down. "We'll get you back. > > Don't worry." she crooned. Mike: If they were on the job, I would be *very* worried. > Meowth called out from the controls. "Guys. We need to touch down. The > balloon's running out a fuel." Tom: Iah do declare, we'za gonna crash! > "Come on. Let's look around Satrudo a bit before you have to go." James > pleaded. > Ruka sighed. "Okay Dad." Mike: If you insist, but I really wouldn't want to spend one more moment with a ninny like you. Tom: You know, it feels like break time to me. Let's roll. [Everyone exits the theater] [SoL Bridge. No one is to be seen anywhere, and the lights are dimmed. On a table sits the Sea Monkey jar, surrounded with barb wire and a sign that has "DO NOT TUCH" scrawled on it.] Mike: [offstage] Hey, boys? Where are you? [enters, with a soda can, and trips. He picks up some wire, which is what we assume he tripped on. He turns on the lights, and notices the jar and a sundry all over the table] What in the name of ... Crow? Tom? Tom: [offstage] Over here, Mike! Turn those lights off, the monkeys will get us! Crow: [offstage] Do not anger the monkey! Mike: [looks offstage] Good golly ... get out from under that clothes hamper! Tom: [offstage] No! It's safe under here! Mike: [rolls his eyes] If I lock the monkeys in the bathroom, will you come out? Crow: [offstage] Bathroom? Tom: [offstage] Hey! Mike's the only one who goes in there, anyway! Crow: [offstage] OK, then! We'll come! Mike: [sets his soda down, and exits with the jar. He comes back, jarless.] They're locked, you're safe now. [Watches as Crow and Tom scurry back, and then picks up sign] While we're on the subject, it's t-o-u-c-h, not t-u-c-h. Tom: Details. Hey - is that a soda can? Mike: Yeah, I was sort of drinking that, and - Crow: [Grabs the can and dumps the contents on the floor. We see Mike look down in horror.] Mike: Hey, my shoe! And besides, Gypsy just mopped.. Crow: [ignoring him] Servo, get me a dead battery! Tom: On it! [Rushes off stage and returns with one (1) dead battery. Crow dumps the battery in the can] Crow: Ready to go back in time? Mike: Wait! My shoe! And, besides, some dumb tin can isn't going to - Tom: Ready! Mike: I get this feeling that you two are ignor- Crow: Then let's go! [shakes the can] [SoL Bridge. No one is to be seen anywhere, and the lights are dimmed. On a table sits the Sea Monkey jar, surrounded with barb wire and a sign that has "DO NOT TUCH" scrawled on it.] Mike: [offstage] Hey, boys? Where are you? [enters, with a soda can, and trips. He picks up some wire, which is what we assume he tripped on. He turns on the lights, and notices the jar and a sundry all over the table] What in the name of ... Crow? Tom? Tom: [offstage] Over here, Mike! Turn those lights off, the monkeys will get us! Crow: [offstage] Do not anger the monkey! Mike: [looks offstage] Good golly ... get out from under that clothes hamper! Tom: [offstage] No! It's safe under here! Mike: [rolls his eyes] If I lock the monkeys in the bathroom, will you come out? Crow: [offstage] Bathroom? Tom: [offstage] Hey! Mike's the only one who goes in there, anyway! Crow: [offstage] OK, then! We'll come! Mike: [sets his soda down, and exits with the jar. He comes back, jarless.] They're locked, you're safe now. [Watches as Crow and Tom scurry back, and then picks up sign] While we're on the subject, it's t-o-u-c-h, not t-u-c-h. Tom: Details. Hey - is that a soda can? Mike: Yeah, I was sort of drinking that, and - Crow: [Grabs the can and dumps the contents on the floor. We see Mike look down in horror.] Mike: Hey, my shoe! And besides, Gypsy just moped.. Crow: [ignoring him] Servo, get me a dead battery! Tom: On it! [Rushes off stage and returns with one (1) dead battery. Crow dumps the battery in the can] Crow: Ready to go back in time? Mike: Wait! My shoe! And, besides, some dumb tin can isn't going to - Tom: Ready! Mike: I get this feeling that you people are ignor- Crow: Then let's go! Tom: Wait ... does anyone get this feeling of deja vu? Crow: The feeling that we've been through this before? Mike: Crud, no time for that, we've got fanfic sign! [Usual chaos. Our faithful cosmonauts take their usual seats in the SoL theater.] Tom: Really, I felt a definite deja vu out there. Crow: Shh - fanfic's starting. > Chapter Five - Adventure [Everyone hums the Indiana Jones theme.] > "There's an arcade there in the future." Ryer said pointing to a > vacant lot. Crow: But, like we said, arson is the fastest growing assault craze ... > "It's got the coolest game." Ruka said. Mike: One game in an arcade? Ouch. The future will hurt. > "Oh yeah!" Ryer grinned. > "Shadow Ninja." Ruka said. > "Radiers of the Doom Shrine." Ryer said. Tom: Sounds like future video game designers are just as unoriginal as today. > They both looked at each other and glared, about to argue over which was > cooler, when a voice interrupted them. Crow: Morons, it's "Legend of Time's Saxophone"! Tom: Wow, how'd you twist around "Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time" so fast? Crow: 'Gift. > "Excuse me?" The four humans and two pokemon looked up to see a young woman > standing across the road from them. She wore purple jeans, a baseball cap > and > a T-shirt with a purple denim vest. Mike: Insert your favorite Tinky Winky reference here. > "I'm Mora. All: Hi, Mora! > Looks like you have some Pokemon there." Tom: She's as quick as everyone else in the fanfic! Crow: She'll fit riiight in. > she said, grinding a > stone under one sneakered toe. "What are the chances you'd like to battle?" Crow: 9-1, and we're taking bets now. Come on, 2, 3 hundred? > "I'd love to." Ruka said. "Me too. If you'd mind double teaming." Mike: Hey, everyone, Ruka's schizophrenic! > "Sure. Yo! Jusso!". A boy much older than Ryer clamped his hand down on his > shoulder. He gave a deep grunting laugh from underneath the baseball cap > perched on his thick head. "Hey." he said. Crow: Yo. Back at'cha. > "This is my big bro Jusso." The girl smirked. "You can battle with him." Tom: Wait ... she challenged ... I'm lost. > Ryer took a battle stance a few feet from Jusso. "Fine." > Ruka took her place back to back with her brother. "Fine." All: Fine. > Jesse and James retreated to the side of the court with Meowth. > "They're gonna get mashed." James whispered nervously. [Everyone cheers] > "Now James. We don't know that." Crow: Says who? > Jesse consolled, but clung to him tightly. Tom: So as not to fall through the giant, gaping continuity hole? > "I choose......Vulpix!" shouted Mora. A Vulpix appeared between her > and Ruka. > "Terrific!" Ruka cried. "Come battle.." she raised her pokeball into the air > > spinning on her toe and flinging the pokeball. "Squirtle!" Tom: OK, let's figure this one out. Mike: She raised it in the air on her toe? Crow: She raised it in the air with her hand, tossed it to her toe and spun it, then flung it back out? Tom: The author forgot the major physical laws? Mike: I like that best. > Squirtle appeared in stand off position facing Vulpix. > "Vulpix! Flame spinneret!" Tom: You know, I think the game calls that move "Fire Spin". > The little Pokemon threw a blast of fire at Squirtle. > "Squirtle! Ruka called. "Agility/Water Spout!" Mike: Boy, is she indecisive or *what*? > Squirtle jumped deftly away from the spirals of fire from Vulpix and threw > a blast of water right down it's throat. Crow: Now, gargle! > Vulpix coughed and staggered back. Tom: Darn you, Squirtle, when I rinse, I only use Scope! > "Go Ryhorn!" Jusso called. Ryer laughed defiantly as the Pokemon > appeared. "Ekans go!" he called. Mike: Go where? I'm confused. > The two pokemon took stand-off position. Tom: Stand off! One two! Bring it on down... Mike: That's "sound off", Servo. Tom: Wull... I was close. > "Ryhorn! Charge!" Jusso commanded. Crow: With Visa or Mastercard? > "Ekans! Acid!" Mike: So, this fanfic promotes the use of LSD? > As the Ryhorn came thundering toward him Ekans released a blast of acid from > it's mouth. Tom: It only suffered minor cheek burns. > The larger pokemon stopped and flopped onto his bottom, looking cross eyed > at > it's melted horn. > The creature's eyes welled up with tears. And it began to > scream. Tears poured from it's eyes like waterfalls. Mike: Mountain fresh rhyhorn? > "Ryyyyyyhooooorrrrrrrnnn!" it thundered. > "Don't cry Ryhorn, it's okay." Jusso stuttered, calling his Pokemon back. > Jesse and James jumped on the sidelines. "They won!" Jesse cheered. Crow: Hey, our kids aren't failures like we are! > "Alright! Our kids aren't faliures like us!" James shouted happily. Mike: Crow? Crow: Oh, so you're the only person who can predict what goes on in in the fanfic future? > "Vulpix!" Mora cried, she glared at Ruka. "I...I want a rematch!" she > shouted, angrily. Tom: Too bad, sucka. Mess with the best and go down like the rest. > "Okay, you choose second." Ruka said and called up her Raichu. Mike: Hello, hello? Raichu, can you come out and play? > "Um..." Mora sat frozen for a moment next to her. "I meant another time." > she > mumbled. "Vulpix is too weak." > "You only have one Pokemon?" Ruka asked. > Mora nodded. Jusso did too. "One each that's all." he rummbled. Tom: Geez, get something to eat. > "And I'm afraid we don't have any badges to trade you for winning, either." Crow: Seeing as how we're not gym leaders and all. > "Well that's okay you can consider it a training session." Ruka said waving > her hand and calling back her Raichu. "Everyone needs practice." Mike: Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect. So why practice? > Mora smiled at her a bit. "Thanks. Hey, what's wrong with your Squirtle!" Crow: Oh, crud, Squirtle, do NOT chew on that! What did I tell you about toxic waste? > Ruka spun to see Squirtle behind her glowing a bright white. As the light > engulfed his body his form changed. Tom: Come toward the light... > "He's evolving!" Ruka cried with glee. All: Glee! > As the Wartortle appeared in front of > her Jesse and James came out from the side of the road. "Wow!" James > exclaimed. "That's amazing!" Mike: Get me some of that toxic waste! > "Wartortle!" the little monster cried, jumping into Ruka's arms. Crow: Unfortunately, Wartortle knocked Ruka over, where she fell in the toxic waste and died. > "Oh, Squirt!" She smiled. Tom: Squirtle then took this as a command, and absolutely *ruined* Ruka's blouse. Mike: Are we in a dark, dark mood, boys? > "I knew you'd elvolve sooner or later!" She hugged > > her pokemon to her chest. "Yea! I've got a Wartortle!" Crow: What's a wart-ortle? Tom: That's WAR-Tortle. It's a play on words that the Nintendo people thought was clever. He's the evolved version of Squirtle. Crow: [beat] Oh. > Chapter Six - The Rocket Raft Mike: I smell Huckleberry Fin crossover. > "Well!" James exclaimed. "Of course we'd have to leave the balloon > for repairs in Satrudo and of course we'll run into a river while we walk > around waiting......" Crow: And, of course we'll be in a fanfic, and of course we'll wind up being MiSTed... > Jesse continued his speech. "And of course we'll want to cross that river > and > have a picnic on that great patch of grass on the other side and course we > can't......" Tom: Because of course you don't want to get in the way of the mosquitoes which are of course bloodthirsty. > "Cause I can't swim and Jesse and James don't wanna get wet and we don't > have > a boat!" Meowth wailed.Team Rocket let out a heavy sigh and hung their heads. [Everyone cheers] Mike: They killed themselves! Fanfic's over, let's go! [Mike picks up Tom and everyone heads for the door] Oh, crud, it's locked.. Tom: More fanfic? Crow: More fanfic. [Collective sigh as everyone sits down] > Behind them, with Ryer carrying the picnic basket, Team Rocket Two got a > bright idea. Mike: Let's ditch these losers and swim across ourselves! > "I had hoped I'd never have to use this." Ruka said, quietly pulling an Tom: ... obscenely large letter bomb out of his pocket. > orange oval from her skirt pocket. Tom: Was I close or what? > She held it up in the air and shouted. > "But for the sake of our picnic I will!" Crow: Blow everyone up? Cool! > "What's that?" James asked drolely. "A bar of soap for us to float across > the river on?" Mike: No, a letter bomb. Pay attention. > "No." Ryer said putting the picnic basket on Mew's head. She fell over. Tom: ...into the lake where she drowned. The end! > "Ruka is that what I think it is?"His sister nodded energetically. Mike: [Looks to the bots] We're going to have to quit pushing the Letter Bomb joke right now. Tom and Crow: Awww! > "THE ROCKET RAFT!" they shouted together high fiving one another. > "What's the rocket raft?" Jesse asked. > Ruka set the little oval in the water and pulled on a string. "It's a raft." Crow: Really? Coulda fooled me. > she said obviously as an eight foot inflatable boat grew in the water. Mike: Inflatable raft - Just add water! > It was white with a large red R on the side. > "We'll just paddle over to the far bank, eat and come back." Ryer grinned. Crow: Unless there's a mishap with with the alliga - Ruka, what's that steak for? > "A boat?" James said fearfully. "Um.. maybe we could just eat over here." > "What's wrong with a boat?" Jesse asked.' Tom: I don't have boo boo and blankie to protect me from the mean ol' water! > "The last three times I was on a boat were disastrous!" James wailed. Mike: The buffet didn't have kiwis! > "The St. Anne sunk and we just about died, then that kid rigged that boat > and > his Farfetche'd stole our Pokemon and the first time I ever took a boat I..." Crow: Got sucked up in the motor? Mike: My gosh, you two *are* dark. > He stopped short. "Oh I can't even talk about it!" Tom: Hasn't stopped you before. > "Does it involve Jessebell throwing away oars?" Jesse asked. > James screamed and collapsed, holding his head. "Aaaah! Don't say that name!" Crow: Jessebell, Jessebell, Jessebell! Tom: He can't hear you, Crow. > "Ooh, old-girlfriend-related anxiety." Ryer said. Mike: That's a nasty, nasty thing to get. Tom: You know all about it, don't you? Mike: Huh? Tom: Suure. Let's just talk about Georgia, then! Mike: [wails] Nooooo! > "Maybe we could blindfold him and take him across." Ruka suggested. "That's > what they do to a scared Rapidash." > "I'm not an animal!" James screamed indignantly. Crow: That's to be seen. > "Would you feel better if I held you?" Jesse asked. Tom: Well, you're not Booboo... > James blinked at her. A long moment of scilence passed. Mike: In which time, it became too dark and cold to picnic. The end! > "Would you cover my eyes for me?" he asked finally. Tom: That's what my blankie used to do. > Jesse nodded. Meowth looked at her as though she were insane. Crow: Which she was. [beat] That was too easy! > "Okay." James said quietly. "I guess thank might work." > "Are we in the boat yet?" James asked nervously, clinging to Jesse. > "Yes, James?" Tom: Hey, I was asking you! > Jesse said for the thousandth time as Ruka and Ryer slowly > rowed across the river, trying to shake the boat as little as possible. Mew > sat with Meowth on the front seat. Ruk and Ry in the middle, Jesse and the > terrified James in the back. Mike: And Bigfoot clinging to the rear. > "I can't see anything." James whined. Crow: Is that because I'm covering your eyes? > "I'm scared Jesse!" > "You asked me to cover your eyes." she wheezed as he tightened his grip > around her waist. Tom: Maybe if I just choke her ... wait, do you do that with the waist or neck? > "Can I look?" He whimpered. "Just to see how far across we are?" > "Do you promise not to panic?" she asked. All: No! Mike: You know, these are getting a bit easy. > James nodded."Okay." > The instant Jesse let go of his eyes James took one look at the tiny ripples > on the calm water, screamed and began jumping around in the boat. > "We're sinking! We're sinking!" he shrieked. Tom: Hooray! Hooray! > "Mom! Distract him or we really will be sinking!" Crow: Like you're complaining? > Ruka yelled, tipping > sideways on her section of the shaking raft. Meowth and Mew were both > yowling > like Airodactyls in the front of the boat. Tom: Since they're Meowths, wouldn't they yowl like Meowths? Mike: Don't worry, it's almost over anyway. > Jesse then angrily grabbed James by the chin and kissed him hard. Mike: No! Fanfic, do not go lemon on us! Tom: Crow would go nuts! Crow: Hey! > His body > went slack and he sunk into the seat next to Jesse. > Ruk, Ry, Mew and Meowth all stared for a moment at the two of them, locked > together at the mouth. Crow: Group kissing - the new sensation that's sweeping the nation! > "Works for me." Ruka said finally and she and Ryer paddled as fast as > possible to the opposite shore. > As the two Team Rockets climbed onto the shore Jesse let go of James. > "Sorry." James mummbled, curling into a nervous ball. Mike: Insert rolling joke of your choice. > "It's okay." Jesse sighed, seating herself in the grass. Tom: Aisle 9, row 4, blade 6, watch your step. > "I shouldn't have > let you look.""Well we're across at least." Ryer said. > "I told you we should have blindfolded him." Ruka growled Crow: Why? I enjoyed that. > "Guys?" Mew asked, softly. Mike: Is there a Port-a-john anywhere around here? > "Would now be a good time to tell you that you > left the picnic basket on the other side." Tom: Oh, sure, it's an *excellent* time! Ekans, eat him. > Jesse, James, Ruka and Ryer looked across at their picnic, sitting quietly > on the opposite shore. Crow: As opposed to screaming and dancing. >A unanimous cry went up through the trees. > Chapter Seven - Dinner with Team R Mike: Mom, Dad, why are we at the 7-11 sandwich shop? > "I'm starving." Ruka complained, hugging her stomach Crow: I love you, stomach! > as the two Team > R's walked along the road. Mike: Abbey Road, to be exact. > "I'm sure I can figure out how to get Ry and me > home but I don't think well on an empty stomach." > "Well the mechanic said he'd be a few more hours fixing the balloon." James > sighed, looking at his watch. "Let's get something to eat." Tom: You kids like 'possum? > "I am sort of hungry myself." Jesse said. "Hey what's that sign say?" Mike: International ... House ... of ... Road Pizza? > "Free all you can eat buffet if you can show the cook his favorite Pokemon." Crow: Too bad his favorite Pokemon just so happens to be extinct. > Ryer read. "I wonder what his favorite Pokemon is?" Ruka said. Tom: Whatever it is, it must be good eatin'! > "Well how about you show me what you've got." said a cheerful voice from > behind them. Crow: I've goooot ... nothing. Mike: We really slammed James hard today, didn't we? > The two Team R's spun to see a chubby man with a bushy red mustache. > "My brother's a Psyduck fan but I've got a diffrent favorite. We both run a > deal like this at our resturants." he grinned from under his chefs hat. Tom: Wull, now he just ruined his *brother's* business... > "Oh yeah. I heard about that deal. Pretty neat." Ryer said. > "I bet your favorite Pokemon likes food." Ruka mused. "And I bet it's cute > and small."Yup." the man nodded."And I bet it's full of surprises." Ruka > said. Crow: In fact, I bet it even left a stain on your carpet. > "Yes." Said the man. "So what is it?" > "My Ditto!" Ruka cried, holding up her pink blob proudly. "Nope." said the > man. > Ruka sweatdropped. "Yes it is. See. Ditto. Mike: Run. Run, Ditto. Run. >Duplicate an Eevee." > The Ditto ducplicated the Pokemon perfectly. Tom: Except for the temperament. Ditto then preceded to eat everyone. The end! > "Wow! Hey that is my favorite Pokemon!" the chef cried. Crow: [sobbing noise] It's just so beautiful! > "Smart girl. Come on in!""Wahoo!" James cheered. "Free food!" > "Why don't you two guys find a table." Jesse said, taking Ruka by the > arm as the two Team R's entered the resturant. "Ladies rules, we must > freshen > up. You understand." Mike: My dates always do this to me. Crow: But, oddly enough, they never come back? Mike: How did you know that? Crow: How could I *not* know that? > She pulled Ruka along with her toward the washrooms. > "You find us." James called and nodded for Ryer to follow him. They picked > out a secluded table for four on the resturant's upper level and sat down, > ordering water for everyone from the waiter. Tom: Water from the waiter? Do I even need to twist that? > As he leafed through the menu and sipped at his water James looked up at > Ryer. > "So..." he asked akwardly. "Any girlfriends in the future?" Mike: Do you do better then me? Crow: Do you do better then Mike? Mike: Now, stop that! > "I go steady with one of the quads." he replied, shrugging. "Do you like Mom > yet?" Crow: He says that like it's natural. Like, "So, any male pattern baldness yet?" > "Well I've always liked her." James said slowly. "She's a great friend." Tom: She's my only friend, save Booboo and Blankie. > Ryer raised his eyebrows knowingly from across the table. > "Hell All: CENSORS! > I love her." James groaned. "I'm just trying to think how to say it so > > that she won't hit me with her mallet." Mike: "I love you" might be a start. > "I'm just trying to think how to say it so that he won't go crazy > and pass out on me." Jesse sighed in reply to Ruka's question, twisting up > her tube of lipstick. Tom: Scene switch! Mike: Hey, are we in the Ladies' room? Crow: I've never been in there before! Tom: Me neither. [Pause] Crow: Miiike? Mike: I didn't mean it! It was a total accident! > "Well I bet if you just told him that you love him he'd understand totally." > Ruka said, hoping up on the edge of the sink counter as she dabbed some > concealer powder over the bridge of her nose. Mike: I never understood why women try to conceal their noses. It's not like it works. > She smiled at her mother. > "Trust me. He'll understand." Tom: Or, he'll totaly freak out and you'll have to bleach his briefs. Either way, it works. > "You think?" James asked, leaning hopefully on the table. Tom: Scene switch! > "I know." Ryer said, leaning nonchalantly back in his chair and sipping his > water. "Listen. If you never told Mom that you loved her...?" Crow: Would you be in therapy in the future? [Beat] Ooops. > "...Would I be here?" Ruka asked, pointing to herself with one hand. > "I think not." Tom: I think so, it's called insemination. > "You know, I really can't picture myself as a married mother of two." Jesse > said, putting away her makeup bag. > "It'll come." Ruka grinned. "And sides'wich Dad probably feels the same way." Mike: Waiter? Waiter, I'd like a sides'wich! > Jesse and Ruka slid into the seats next to James and Ryer. > "We ordered water." James said quietly, pointing out the glasses. > "Thanks." Ruka said, taking a sip from her glass. She picked up a menu. Tom: Let's see ... 'possum, raccoon, deer... > "Man, nothing with chicken. Oh well I guess I could have a steak." she said Crow: Steak of the 'possum kind! > immediately, her eyes scanning irrationally over the menu. Mike: Does she have an irrational love for 'possum? > Jesse looked through her own menu. "Hmmm." she placed her finger on an item. > "I guess I'l have that." she said quietly and put it down. Crow: Soup of the day ... 'Coon Chowder? > Ryer and Ruka glanced from their mother to their father with a knowing > expression. Tom: So, they know this restaurant serves roadkill. > "We'll be right back." They said in unison and quickly distanced themselves > from the table, leaving Jesse and James sitting together alone. Mike: The B.O. made them do it. > "I wonder where they're going." Jesse said. > "I think I know." James mummbled, looking at his hands. Tom: They wouldn't take me, they said I wasn't old enough. > Jesse looked at him. "You and Ryer weren't ..uh.. talking while we were gone > were you?" she asked. Crow: No, they sat there in awkward silence. > "Umm...yeah." James mumbled beginning to blush. > "What about?" Jesse asked. > "Just stuff." James replied. "Water, the future....you." Mike: Broad topics, isn't it? > "Oh. Ruka and I talked a bit too. You know, water, the future....you." Tom: I missed the water in the Ladies' room. > James met her eyes. They were quiet for a long moment. Then both of them in > unison said. "So...me, huh?"James and Jesse both laughed. Crow: Ha ha! Jinx! > Jesse settled her hand on the table, looking at the wall until she felt the > gentle warmth James' hand lying over hers. Mike: It was warm thanks to those little heaty things. > She looked back at him, meeting his eyes again. Crow: Hi, James' eyes, how are you? > Neither realized how close they were until they kissed... [Collective cheer arises from the theater] Crow: Were we suppose to do that? Tom: Who cares? It was fun. > A few feet away underneath a table Ruka, Ryer, Mew and Meowth Mike: Got stuck in gum. > let out > a collective, quiet cheer. Tom: Bronx cheer, that is! > Part Eight - Homeward Bound Mike: Doesn't Disney have rights to that? > The stars twinkled overhead as Jesse and James climbed, hand in hand, > into the repaired Rocket Balloon. Ruka and Ryer stood on the ground next to > the balloon with Mew and Ruka's Ditto."So you're going home?" James whined. Tom: Jeez, you're the ones in the balloon... > "I figured it out over dinner." Ruka said. "Ditto... duplicate Meowth's time > machine." > "Ditto!" The pokemon cried transforming into the time machine which really > was a dead energizer battery and tin can. Crow: You know, those really work. Tom and Mike: We know! >"Smart Ruk-chan." Jesse said > quietly. Tom: She sure didn't get that from Dad. > "I'll miss you too." Ruka said, flinging her arms around her mother's neck. > "You only have to wait six years." Ryer smiled, hugging James. Tom: Oh, *only*. > "I don't wanna..." James sniffed. > Jesse stroked Ruka's hair and kissed her cheek. "Be good for us." She said. Crow: And don't go off marketing the tin can thing, OK? > "We'll try." Ruka said. "But you have to keep in mind. We are Rockets. It's > in out blood to be naughty." Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, the Rocket Gene! > James laughed, and patted Ryer on the shoulder. "Promise you'll never let me > force you to marry someone like Jessebelle, okay?" > "Dad you wouldn't do that." he replied. Tom: Actually, you *would*, but let me humor you. > The twins backed away from the balloon waving to their now crying parents. > Mew purred something in Pokemon to Meowth Crow: Psst - Here's the derby winners for the next 6 years. Have fun betting. > just before the three futures > touched the tin can and Mike: Cut themselves? > disappeared in a colourful shower of light. > Meowth sat down sadly on the floor of the balloon. "I'm gonna miss Mew." he > said, pressing his paws together. Tom: On the plus side.. who's up for Church Hill Downs? > James hugged Jesse around the waist. "I know what you mean." he said. > "Hey cheer up guys." Jesse encouraged. "Six years will fly by if we try not > to think about it." Crow: Let's forget all about a visit from our kids in the future! >"In other words this is gonna take forever." Meowth said. Mike: That's the jist of this, yes. > "Okay fine, I'm sad too." Jesse confessed, putting her arms around James' > neck and resting her head on his shoulder. Tom: [singing] Put your head on my shoulder! Crow: [singing, backup] Ba ba ba bum... Tom: [singing] Whisper in my ear, Crow: [singing, backup] Buum... Tom: [singing] Bay-bee! Crow: [singing, backup]: Ba ba ba bum.. > She sighed. "We could always > pretend they're here." Tom: Yes, let's just develop deep mental problems! > "Or we could just look through the pictures they left." James said. > "Pictures?" Jesse asked. James pulled a thick photo album into view. > "Ryer told me to keep this for when we were missing them." he said. Crow: But I'm sure we can use it now. > So as the rocket balloon drifted off into the star scattered sky the > three members of (the first) Team Rocket sat down and leafed through a book > of photos from the future."What a weird picture of you Jesse." > "What do you mean weird!?!?! Tom: Well, with the chicken suit and all. >"Epliouge - (six years later) Mike: OK, who wants to guess what this is about? > Jesse blinked tiredly at the ceiling, then looked back to the side of > the bed. James lay in a bed next to Jesse, his left foot strung up in a > tangle of suspension equipment."Feel okay?" He asked softly. Crow: I'm in a hospital, moron. Take a guess. > "My arms are frozen in one position." She replied. "Not that I mind." Mike: That's what I get for asking for ice. > James reached over and stroked a finger along Ruka's cheek where she lay in > Jesse's arms. The newborn blinked at him, yawning a bit. Tom: I'm bored! Can't we do quadratic equations now? > "How's your foot doing?" Jesse asked. Crow: Why not ask it? > "I wish I'd known I was going to break my ankle before now." he groaned. " > But > hey. What were the chances that I would get my foot caught between the > elevator doors?" Mike: This from the most accident prone anime star alive? > "Very many chances considering that we're talking about you." Meowth laughed. > The cat Pokemon was sitting next to Jesse on the bed, holding Ryer. Tom: Ah, so the dumb Pokemon is holding a newborn, and dad is not allowed to touch them? Crow: Come on, it's *James*. Tom: Oh! Right, forgot. > "I bet you're the only new father in this hospital who's stuck in traction!" > he snickered. Mike: I must agree, there. > "It's my foot, not my arms." James said. "Can't I hold him yet?" He whined, > holding out his arms toward Meowth and Ryer. Tom: No! My baby! > Meowth got a sad look on his face. "But he's so cute..." he whined. > "Here." Jesse passed Ruka to James. "Hold your daughter awhile." > James cuddled Ruka in his arms. "We have something in common you know." he > said to her. Crow: Both of us have the IQs of pudding! > "We're both nearly immobile and helpless." Jesse laughed. > "Her more than you." she said. > "Just don't sing any lullabyes and I think these kids will survive you." > Meowth said. Mike: Actually, sing away ... after we leave. > "Well they have to live till they're at least sixteen." James > said. > "Yeah." Jesse said. "Or they'll never meet us." Tom: Annoyingly sweet. I feel the need to leave. Crow: Wait, there's more! Tom: [groans] >THE ENDAuthour's Rant- Mike: The author's ranting about her own story? Crow: If this gets in the hand of robots... > I hope you all like my story. Tom: I hope you like our MiSTing. > It's the first fic witten in chapters that I > have which is finished and on the net. Mike: This suggests that there's others not on the 'net? >I'm happy to recieve any feedback > from > readers Crow: How's this? >but please don't flame me, even if you hated it. Tom: Oops. Mike: You guys! A MiSTing isn't a flame, it's criticism of a piece of work that just so happens to be funny, and a little rude at times. Just because something's MiSTed doesn't mean it's *bad*, it just means that it had the potential to ... make a really good MiSTing. Even Stephen Ratliff said that any author not able to laugh at himself is ... lame, or something to that effect. Besides, we didn't *really* hate this fic, did we? [beat] OK, let's move on. > And special thanks to Acro who was the first person to post my fic on his > site. Thanx Acro! Crow: Coincidentally, Pizzicato was the second. > I hope you enjoyed it. Tom: [evil laugh] Oh, we enjoyed it! >I'll probably be doing another Team R story soon, Mike: Uh oh. I smell MiSTing, boys. > maybe using the Japanese version (Musashi/Kojiro/Nyase etc.) but don't get > your hopes up. Crow: Hey, won't do. >I usually write a lot slower than I did this time. > Ja ne! Laters! Luv ~*~Pika-Chan~*~ Email Address: bryon.fife@sympatico.ca Mike: That sounds like a cue to leave to me, boys. [All exit the theater] [Door sequence] [SoL Bridge. We see Crow, Tom and Gypsy talking.] Gypsy: So, Team Rocket has two kids? Tom: Ryer and Ruka. Ruka's the smart one, and Ryer's ... well ... so, what did you do while we were in the theater? Gypsy: There was some soda on the floor, and I had to mop again. Do you know how that got there? [Crow and Top look at each other] Crow: Not a clue. [The Mads Light goes off, and Crow pushes it.] [Castle Forrester. Pearl is standing in the foreground, with Bobo and Brain Guy, still in their festive costumes, in the back playing with the toy Meowth that was tossed on stage earlier.] Bobo: Do you know what it's saying? Brain Guy: Press it again. [They press the Meowth again.] Meowth Toy: Nanitten da nya... Urusai nya! Obaka nya! Brain Guy: I think that means, "Whaat? Annoying idiot!" Bobo: Oh ... hey, wait! Pearl: [rolls her eyes] Is Nelson there? [SoL] Tom: He ran off after the fanfic was over. Crow: He wouldn't tell us why, something about "dietary fiber". [We hear a scream from offstage, as Mike comes running in] Mike: SEA MONKEY! Crow: What? Mike: The Sea Monkeys ... evolved ... [Castle Forrester] Pearl: What? Nelson, that's nuts. You can't have sea monkeys evolve in ... [pause] Oh, cheese! [SoL. There's now a large sea monkey on the set. In tradition with the high standard of special effects, it's constructed out of foam.] Crow: Didn't we tell you? Mike: [takes off his shoe and begins to hit the sea monkey] You told me! You told me! And that's a wrap. [Insert Love Theme here] Mystery Science Theater 3000 is Copyrighted by Best Brains Incorporated. Crow, Tom, Mike, Gypsy, Cambot, Pearl, Bobo, Brain Guy, the SoL and its theater, The Love Theme, and Castle Forrester are not my creations, and I had nothing to do with them. The fanfic isn't mine either, and Ruka, Ryer, the Cook, the Quads, and any other character that I'm missing is the sole work of Pika-chan, and Jessie, James, Meowth, Brock, Ash, Misty, and any Pokemon in this fic is copyrighted by Nintendo. No disrespect is meant to Pika-chan and her work (Hey, it was actually a pretty cool idea), and none to BBI. Holy cow, what a disclaimer. If you're not one for legal mumbo jumbo, I'll put it like this: Don't sue me. > Misty and Ash both looked at each other and screamed, scrambling as far away > from each other as possible.