Mixed Personalities WRITTEN BY: Tray "Colley" Tackett MSTIED BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!! EDITED BY: Blazej Szpakowicz a.k.a. B My 46th MSTied fanfic and I've been doing allot of pokemon fanfics as of late... kind of ironic considering I know almost next to nothing about the show. I guess I must be doing *something* right if people such as Colley and Dr. Thinker keep on sending them to me. The next few will be Christmas oriented and this MST, continuity wise, takes place after Nightbreak's MSTing of "I want a Squid Enema" and "Sleepover." LEGAL STUFF: All the Anime characters in the following MST belong to the talented and creative people who made them. Please don't sue me for I am merely borrowing your characters and not making any claim on them. The Club Anipike belongs to Nightbreak, whom I am grateful to for allowing me to use it. Alexander Misamoto & Samantha Jones are characters of my own making and belong to me, Jamie Jeans, and can be used with permission. Special thanks goes to B for editing my MST. Thanks! Now, on to the story!!! ________________________________________________________________________ Haruka climbed the shaky step ladder while Samantha held onto it, making sure that it would not fall over. Reaching up, the Outer Senshi attached the end of the bright red garland to the ceiling with a thumb tack, then climbed back down. "One down... several more to go," Samantha said as she kept a firm hold on the ladder until Haruka had stepped off it. "Who would have thought that decorating the Anipike would take so long?" Haruka asked as Samantha moved the ladder over. "Well, it is a pretty big place," Samantha said as she held onto the ladder. Haruka, with thumb tacks in hand, climbed up to repeat the process of hanging garland. Even with the ladder and her own height, the Outer Senshi still had to reach precariously to stick the garland and tack into the ceiling. Casting her gaze about the club, Samantha saw the other patrons of the club helping the staff to decorate. Ami and several other Senshi were busy with the Christmas tree on the kareoke stage, except for Usagi and Mamoru, who were kissing under the mistletoe Mamoru was holding up. Rally Vincent, along with Minnie May, was stringing lights across the edge of the bar, much to Jotaru's dislike. And, in a rare state of unselfish behavior, Ken and Ryu, from the Street Fighter V Anime, were helping the cast of El Hazard decorate the walls with garlin and lights. Ryoko, easily hovering close to the ceiling, held a big bundle of lights on one arm and a pack of tacks in the other, easily sticking the lights into place. "It's times like this I wish I could use my inner soul to fly, like my brother..." Samantha stopped and felt a small stab of pain at the mention of Alexander, so casually said that it hurt all the more. "Hang in there Sam," Haruka said, her voice full of strenght and kindness. "Alex will come back to us. You've just got to have faaaa..." Having overstretched herself, Haruka wobbled on the top step of the ladder and waved her arms, trying to regain her balance. Samantha gripped the ladder tighter then forgot about it altogether as Haruka fell off, pulling the string of garland with her. Moving quickly, the vigilante caught her and both tumbled to the floor, the garland falling gently on them. "Cripes Haruka... you gotta be careful," Samantha said, her smile as shaky as her voice. "We lost one Outer Senshi already, we don't need to lose another." "Ahh, I took worst hits than that during filming," Haruka said as she got off Samantha. "But thanks for the concern." Samantha smiled and stood then looked up. "The hell..." Above the two, danging from the end of a line attached to a fishing pole was a mistletoe. Following it, Samantha saw the North American Sailor Venus, Mina, holding the fishing pole out and giggling. "Come on!" she said in a voice far louder then Samantha liked. "You two know what you gotta do now!" Samantha turned slightly red in a mix of anger and embarrassment while the others in the club laughed good heartedly. Haruka, chuckling, batted the mistletoe away and lead Samantha over to the Review Council's table. "Come on, we've been at this all morning. Let's take a break." Samantha nodded. Haruka would get no argument from her. Over at the Review Council's table, Washu was fixated on a small box opened before her. The complex circuitry, some of which was a disturbing black, was spread out on the table and under intense scrutiny from a device that Washu waved over them. "Any luck with the fanfic switcher?" Samantha asked as she sat down across from Washu, Haruka sitting down beside her. Samantha winced as Washu looked up and shook her head. Yet another source of worry for the redhead that she didn't need. "I'm gonna have to replace the main circuit boards and clean out the base," Washu said. Seeing the curiousity on their faces, she explained. "Since this was designed to submit the fanfics Dr. Forrester sends up to the SOL with those we find, the materials used were both very sensitive and very powerful. But once one circuit blew, it took out the rest, thus necessitating the need for everything to be replaced." "Must have got knocked about too much," Haruka mused aloud. "Joel and the guys do a lot of stuff up there," Samantha said, smiling as she remembered the old days. "Heh... the stuff we did to fend off boredom and keep our sanity. Soi was really brave to volunteer for this." Samantha's smile faded as worry for the Seiryuu Senshi took over. "Alright... that's it," Haruka said, suddenly standing up. "Samantha Jones, you have been worrying over one too many things and I need to take your mind off it. Washu? We got something to review?" "Actually, yes I do... and it just came in," Washu said as she summoned her subspace and began to type on it. "It's a pokemon fanfic from a writer named Colley... and he also sent in this e-mail." A second later, a hologram with the e-mail appeared in midair for all to read. >To the gang at Club Anipike, >Hiya! Seasons greetings! Lately an idea came to my mind "Never a good thing when it comes to fanfic writers," Haruka said. Samantha chuckled even as Washu glared at her. >about writing a >Pokemon fanfic, so I decided to wrote one. Since you all seem to be the >fore-runners in riffing Pokemon stories, I though you might want to take a >stab at this one. "Sorry, left my katana at home," Samantha joked. >The basic plot of it is: While trying to catch a new >Pokemon, Ash and Pikachu are zapped inside a defective pokeball at the same >time. They are then zapped back out, but their minds have been switched. >Ash is in Pikachu's body, and Pikachu's in Ash's body. "American plot device used in an Anime show... no good can come of this," Haruka said. >I did my best to >keep the cast in character. The story is written in script format, as if it >was going to be an ACTUAL episode. "So he's a disciple of Adam Chris Leigh," Washu said. Samantha shuddered at that. >Well, that's just about it. Samantha, good luck in the tag tournament in >the 3A! You and Alex stand a good chance of winning. Just watch out for >Colley and Scarlet. ;) Samantha sighed sadly and her shoulders slumped. "Hang in there, kid. He'll return to us," Haruka said, patting her shoulder. >Washu, Shampoo (God, I hope that's the right name or >I'm in for alot of pain....), good luck in trying to keep Samantha in line >during the riffing. "Hey! I'm not *that* bad!" Samantha protested. >And Ami, you just keep being your sweet, adorable self. "How many Sailor Mercury fans *are* there?" Washu asked. "I don't think I can count that high," Haruka replied. >One last thing, could you check if Vagita from Dragon Ball Z would want to >join in the riffing? He's my fav character from the show and it would be >cool to have him MSTing my work. Thanks! And enjoy the fan fic! >~Trey "Colley" Tackett Washu turned the hologram of the letter off. "Too bad we couldn't get Vegita in on this," she said. "But he's still on security detail." "Come on Samantha... let's go riff a fanfic," Haruka said, as she stood and practically dragged Samantha into the theater, ignoring her protests. ***** [Samantha and Haruka walk into the theater and take a seat in the first row, Samantha in the first seat and Haruka in the second. A few seconds later, Ami runs into the theater and takes a seat beside Haruka.] AMI: I hope you don't mind me joining. SAMANTHA: No, not at all. HARUKA: The more the merrier. AMI: Thank you. As soon as I had heard you were riffing a fanfic, I came right on in. SAMANTHA: It's not an obligation you have to fulfill. AMI: I know, but we were almost done with the tree anyhow. "MIXED PERSONALITIES" SAMANTHA: Frankly, I wouldn't care if a person had a personality or not. AMI: That said Mixed, not missing. SAMANTHA: Oh, my bad. a Pokemon fic by Trey "Colley" Tackett HARUKA: Remind me to ask Shampoo to buy some more tacks. We were running out last time I checked. nightws@apex.net AMI: At the apex of night does the barn owl fly out to hunt for it's prey... http://members.tripod.com/~WolfColley/main.htm ALL: Pokemon, Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Brock, Team Rocket, and all related characters are property of their respected creator. This is in no way intended to infringe on any copyrights. HARUKA: Please! Please don't sue me! ---- SAMANTHA: Four dashes... AMI: This has to be the shortest line I've ever seen... HARUKA: And we've seen a lot. SAMANTHA: Well, it could be like that scene change from that California Dreams fanfic. [Everyone shudders.] KEY HARUKA: What's she doing in here? I thought this was a pokemon fanfic, not a crossover. SAMANTHA: Can't say it... too easy... [Sound Effects] AMI: *POW* *BAP* *ZOWIE* SAMANTHA: You *watched* that old show?! AMI: Amazing what one will do to pass the time. {Translations} (Actions) HARUKA: Speak louder then words. Character(Other Character)-1st name represents who the character normally is. The name in parenthesis represent who's mind is in the body. AMI: The party of the first party... EXAMPLE: Ash(Pikachu) means Ash's mind is in Pikachu's body. SAMANTHA: Uhh... okay... HARUKA: *This* is gonna go down good. ---- HARUKA: You know, I never could understand Morse code. AMI: Perhaps that's a secret waiting to be discovered. SAMANTHA: Lost secret of the fanfic... the next Indiana Jones movie. Setting:Forrest. SAMANTHA: On fire? Shame on you, Colley! We see Ash, Pikachu, Brock, and Misty walking along. ALL : Doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-do! Snapping our fingers an' shuffling our feet, singing doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-do! NARRATOR We join our hero Ash Catchem HARUKA: The only thing he's gonna catch is a cold if he doesn't put anything warmer on. and his friends Pikachu, Misty, and Brock as they make their way toward the next city. SAMANTHA: This sounds like an RPG... AMI: Actually, they *did* make an RPG out of the game. SAMANTHA: You have got to be kidding me... AMI: [shakes her head] There they hope to further there AMI: That should be 'their'. quest to become Pokemon Masters. [Leaves rustling] HARUKA: Wrestling? Must be some pretty strong leaves. SAMANTHA: That's rustling, as in shaking about. HARUKA: Oh. Ah, young lovers locked in passion, no doubt. AMI: [blushing] Haruka! HARUKA: What? It was tasteful. SAMANTHA: (Misty looks around) MISTY (Nervous) What was that? HARUKA: Didn't you hear me the first time? (The others look around) SAMANTHA: Non stop looking action! AMI: Yes! When you need intense looking action, Colley is your author! ASH I didn't hear anything. AMI: His hearing must have started to go after listening to the pokemon rap one two many times. PIKACHU Pika? ALL: Awww... HARUKA: It's cute... ALL: Awww... (Team Rocket watches the group from a hiding spot in some bushes.) SAMANTHA: Masters of hiding they aren't. HARUKA: Subtlety? We don't need no stinking subtlety. JESSIE Is the trap set? AMI: But what good is a propped up box going to be, Jessie? JAMES Yes, Meowth is in position. SAMANTHA: Darn that shakespearian cat! I knew he was evil all along! HARUKA: Let me guess, he was on the grassy knoll, right? JESSIE Good. Let's hope he doesn't screw this up. AMI: Why do the villians always say things like that? You just know they're gonna fail once they say that. HARUKA: I think it's a contractual obligation. SAMANTHA: Yeah, all villains must give an opening for fate to come down and show them up. JAMES Rlax, HARUKA: The new, soothing, laxative. Jessie. Just sit back and watch. That Pikachu us as good as ours. SAMANTHA: They pikachued themselves? How is that possible? AMI: I don't know, but at least they'll be cuter this way. (Ash and the others continue walking along the path.) HARUAKA: Dum de dum de dum... no, don't feel like I'm in danger or nothing... not walking into a trap or anything... dum de dum de dum... [Leaves Rustling] HARUKA: Hmmm... must be Usagi and Mamoru. SAMANTHA: Again? HARUKA: Yeah, those two go at it like rabbits. ASH Ok, I definately heard something that time. AMI: That Ash sure is quick on the uptake. SAMANTHA: Oh, go easy on him, Ami. After all, he is pretty deaf. HARUKA: And dumb by the looks of this. (Evee, a pokemon, walks out of the bushes.) SAMANTHA: Eva? Which Unit is it? AMI: No, it's Evee, a pokemon. SAMANTHA: Oh... HARUKA: Now wouldn't *that* be an interesting pokemon. AMI: Eva Unit one... GO!!! EVEE Evee? HARUKA: Sorry little guy, we just work here. MISTY Look! A Pokemon! HARUKA: [points at Samantha] Look! A vigilante! SAMANTHA: [points at Ami] Look! A Senshi! AMI: [points at the theater screen] Look! A theater screen! ASH Huh? Wonder what kind it is. SAMANTHA: I think Ash needs a vacation. He's not putting the passion into his work that he used to. (Ash pulls out his Pokedex HARUKA: The new line of watches from Rolodex. and activates it) AMI: You've got mail... SAMANTHA & HARUKA: AHH!! EVIL!!! POKEDEX AMI: You've got mail... HARUKA: Now stop that... AMI: Evee. SAMANTHA: A several hundred foot high mecha piloted by a select chosen few of children that... HARUKA: That's Evee, not Eva. SAMANTHA: Whoops... my bad. An odd pokemon SAMANTHA: So why isn't it in the Oddities? that can evolve into one of three different forms. No further information available. HARUKA: Please insert twenty five cents for the next five minutes. ASH Three ways to evolve huh? AMI: Yes, three ways to evolve. I do believe the Pokedex said that. (He pulls out a Pokeball) HARUKA: So *that's* what the kids are calling it these days. AMI: [blushing] Haruka! ASH This should be easy. Pikachu! Go! SAMANTHA: FEEL THE ROAR OF YOUR BLOOD AS ASH *THROWS* A POKEBALL!!! ENJOY THE TASTE OF *ADRENALINE* COURSING THROUGH YOUR VEINS!!! AMI: Oww... Even though Pikachu was already out before Ash threw the pokeball. HARUKA: So Ash threw a pokeball for no reason. AMI: That's about it. PIKACHU Pikachu! ALL: Awww... (Pikachu runs towards Evee. He stops a few feet away) SAMANTHA: WATCH PIKACHU RUN AND THEN STOP! INTENSE ACTION!!! *bap* Owww... what was that for? HARUKA: It was either that or lose our hearing. AMI: [hands over ears] What? ASH Pikachu! Thundershock! AMI: Samantha! Big Ass Blast! SAMANTHA: Eh... I'm too tired. (Pikachu's cheeks crackle with electricity) HARUKA: Cheeks you *never* pinch. AMI: Ohh, it's so cute... AIEEE!!! PIKACHU PIKAAAAAACHUUUUUUUU!!!!! ALL: Awww... AMI: It's cute and shoots lightning bolts. SAMANTHA: What more could a girl ask for? HARUKA: Can it clean the house? (Pikachu zaps Evee with a powerful burst of electricity. SAMANTHA: [grinning] Oh my... how... HARUKA: Don't say it! SAMANTHA: ... shocking! AMI: Bad cliched dialogue... bad cliched riffs. A stray thunderbolt zaps the Pokeball Ash is holding. HARUKA: Stray lightning bolt? AMI: Didn't you know? They travel in groups and occasionally one gets lost from the pack. He drops it) SAMANTHA: I heard about dropping the ball in a fight but this is ridiculous. ASH HEY! AMI: Is what horses eat. (The Pokeball glows briefly HARUKA: Looks like someone dropped a dragon ball on the set. AMI: Hey, I need one more of those. Go get it. and then returns to normal. Evee falls to the ground, stunned. SAMANTHA: But then it suddenly arose and went berserk, smashing half of Tokyo-3 in the process! Oh the humanity! AMI: You're not gonna give up on those Eva jokes, are you? SAMANTHA: Nope. Ash picks up the Pokeball) HARUKA: Description please. AMI: It is round. It is painted red and black. HARUKA: Anything wrong with it? AMI: Roll your twenty sided dice and get a one to find out. HARUKA: [rolls the dice] Darn... I got a twenty. AMI: The pokeball explodes and you suffer ten points of damage. HARUKA: [consults a sheet of paper] But I'm dead! SAMANTHA: The D & D sketch, ladies and gentlemen. ASH POKEBALL! GO! HARUKA: Autobots, move out. (Ash throws the Pokeball. SAMANTHA: And it's a solid hit by Evee out to center field. It hits Evee, AMI: Wouldn't it have bounced off the AT field first? SAMANTHA: *Who* was telling us about Eva jokes? AMI: If you can't beat them, join them. but doesn't open like it should) ALL: Dun dun dun... ASH (Confused) What the? It didn't open..... HARUKA: Stupid zipper... it always gets stuck at times like this. BROCK Maybe the thunderbolt shorted out it's circuits. SAMANTHA: Stupid crappy made in Taiwan... (Evee gets back up to it's feet and runs off as Ash pull sout another Pokeball.) AMI: Where did he pull that pokeball out from? HARUKA: I don't know. Maybe Ash is secretly Houdini's son. ASH Darn it. Evee got away. I had it too..... SAMANTHA: Waahhh!!! I want my Evee!!! Wahhh!!! (Ash and Pikachu walk over to the pokeball. Pikachu climbs up on Ash's shoulders. Ash picks up the Pokeball.) HARUKA: What were you saying about nonstop action earlier, Samantha? ASH What do I do with a defective Pokeball? AMI: Sell it for credits. (Suddenly, it springs open and zaps both Ash and Pikachu.) SAMANTHA: SURGE!!! ASH WHAT THE?! AAAAAAAAAH!!!! HARUKA: And now a prayer for all the exclamation marks who died for this fanfic. PIKACHU PIKAAAAAAA!!! ALL: Aww... AMI: it's dying, but it's cute. (They disapear inside the Pokeball. It closes and drops to the ground. Brock and Misty "Sweat Drop") SAMANTHA: You know, if this action gets any more intense, someone is gonna get hurt. BROCK (Stunned) Did I just see Ash get zapped inside a Pokeball? AMI: No, that's just your eyesight going. Time to get some glasses, Brock. MISTY (Stunned) I think so....... HARUKA: She thinks? Oh, *there's* a new one. (The Pokeball begins to shake. ALL: Shake... rattle, and roll! We're gonna shake, rattle, and roll! It opens and zaps Pikachu and Ash back outside. Both look dazed and disoriented. SAMANTHA: Whoa man... this buzzing is making me trip... Brock and Misty run over to them.) AMI: Carefully avoiding all of the carefully placed traps set out for them. SAMANTHA: Why would anyone want to kill them off, anyhow? AMI: Gives more air time to Pikachu. MISTY ASH! PIKACHU! Are you two ok? HARUKA: Oh, I just got zapped into a pokeball along with my pokemon... no big deal... HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!?! PIKACHU(Ash) Pi Pikachu..... {I think so.....} AMI: [blinks then shakes her head] Okay... now this is where things are going to become extremely confusing in a short matter of time. BROCK Pikachu seems ok, Misty. SAMANTHA: He's only starring at your cleavage and drooling... nothing odd there... (Misty helps Ash(Pikachu) back to his feet.) HARUKA: Wonder where he dropped them to? MISTY (Concerned) You ok, Ash? SAMANTHA: Naw... I don't see any romantic tension here, do you? PIKACHU(Ash) Pikachu. Pi Pika Pi? {I just said I was. Why you over there?} AMI: @_@ HARUKA: Okayyyy... SAMANTHA: Oww, my head. AMI: So, uh... this is Ash in Pikachu's body speaking, right? And not Ash the body with Pikachu's mind answering, is it? HARUKA: Ami... dear... stop it before you hurt all of us. ASH(Pikachu) (Dazed) Ugh..... what happened? HARUKA: A crappy American cartoon plot device just hit you. Next. [A hail of clown hammers rain down on Haruka.] HARUKA: Huh? SAMANTHA: Knew there was something I forgot to tell you about. BROCK You and Pikachu got sucked into the Pokeball. SAMANTHA: Oh man, that sucks. ASH(Pikachu) (Confused) Me and Pikachu? You mean Me and Ash, right? [Everyone blinks.] HARUKA: I shall not comment... I shall not comment... AMI: [holding her head] This sort of thing *really* does not work well in text. SAMANTHA: Tell that to Colley.... MISTY (Confused) What are you talking about, Ash? SAMANTHA: I'm talking about the New York Stock exchange... WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT?! PIKACHU(Ash) Chu? CHU! Pi Pi Kachu Pika pika? {Huh? HEY! When'd you two get taller than me?} AMI: Okay... so this is Pikachu from Ash's body.. right? HARUKA: No, this is Pikachu's with Ash's mind replying. SAMANTHA: This is a fanfic... this is a vigilante reviewing a fanfic... this is a vigilante about to pound her head on the floor due *to* the fanfic... any questions? ASH(Pikachu) Why do you keep calling me 'Ash'? HAURKA: Probably because it's your name, you dimwit. SAMANTHA: Looks like they each lost a few IQ points when they got zapped. Hey wait... When'd I get as big as you two? AMI: I guess those black market growth steriods finally kicked in. BROCK Something's not right here..... SAMANTHA: And a light *slowly* glows in his mind... HARUKA: He's got a mind? AMI: Now Haruka, don't be harsh. PIKACHU(Ash) Pika?! Pika Pi Chu Kachu? Pi Pi Pikachu? HARUKA: That was cute at first, but now it's annoying. AMI: [holding up a cell phone] I got Rampage on speed dial... {What the?! How can I be over there when I'm right here? And why do I sound like Pikachu?} SAMANTHA: Is everyone rock stupid in this fanfic? Hasn't he even spotted his body walking about by now? HARUKA: He must be blind as well as deaf. MISTY (Annoyed) HARUKA: That's me alright... SAMANTHA: Ditto... AMI: I'm just confused. Pikachu? Could you please quiet down for a moment? Please? SAMANTHA: Pikachu's got to go to the bathroom *real* bad... ASH(Pikachu) But I'm not saying anything! Hey, why do i sound like Ash? HARUKA: And I don't mean Bruce Campbell, either... MISTY (Annoyed) Because you ARE Ash. Geez, what happened? You're brain get fried? AMI: Wow... great minds really *do* think alike. ASH(Pikachu) I'm not Ash. I'm Pikachu. SAMANTHA: I'm strangely reminded of Mick Foley for some reason. MISTY Pikachu? How can you be Pikachu? He's right over there. HARUKA: Which is the *real* Pikachu? You decide! (Ash(Pikachu) and Pikachu(Ash) look over at each other. Their eyes widen in shock.) SAMANTHA: And pop out of their skulls. AMI: Ewww... PIKACHU(Ash) PIKAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! HARUKA: And another moment of silence for all the A's who worked hard. ASH(Pikachu) AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! I'm in Ash's body and he's in mine!! AMI: Congradulations, you've just made it past the first plot point. You each get a cookie. PIKACHU(Ash) Pi Pika?! {How'd this happen?!} [Everyone looks at each and decides to pass on the tired and used riff.] MISTY Would someone PLEASE tell me what's going on!? SAMANTHA: [winces and holds her head] Damn... that girl sure can hit the high notes when she whines. HARUKA: You should have heard her on the set one day. Damn near drove the Director nuts. BROCK I think I know what happened. AMI: It all started when this author named Colley sat down at his computer and started to type up this story and... whoops... there goes the fourth wall. ASH(Pikachu) You do? BROCK Yes, when you and Pikachu... uh... I mean Ash... er... Oh you know what I mean.. ALL: @_@ Anyways, when both of you got sucked into the Pokeball it must've somehow switched your minds. Now Pikachu's in Ash's body and vice versa. HARUKA: And there's your story, folks. Enjoy! PIKACHU(Ash) (Sarcastic) Pika! Pi Pika! {Great! Just Great!} SAMANTHA: Grapes? Oh man I wouldn't mind going for some right about now. Especially the purple seedless ones... AMI: Samantha, great wasn't even spelled wrong. SAMANTHA: I know, but I'm hungry. I skipped breakfest. (Everyone looks down at Pikachu(Ash)) BROCK Ash? HARUKA: And this is the guy who figured out what was wrong? AMI: Maybe it's the shock setting in. PIKACHU Chu! Pi Pi! SAMANTHA: Not here you aren't! {Yup! it's me!} ASH(Pikachu) Oh man... this is so weird.... HARUKA: Your minds have been switched and all you can say is how weird this is? You think one would see a stronger reaction coming out of them. (Suddenly, a net drops, trapping Misty, Brock, and Ash(Pikachu). Meowth SAMANTHA: That evil Shakespearian cat. drops out of a tree and lands in front of them.) AMI: *THUD* HARUKA: Who says cats always land on their feet. MEOWTH They didn't come any weirder than you 3 though! Meowth! I'll be taking your Pokemon now. SAMANTHA: No! Not Pikachu! You bastard! HARUKA: Relax Sam, it's only a script. SAMANTHA: Sorry... (He hits Pikachu(Ash) upside the head with a large rock, knicking him unconcious.) AMI: Meowth has all the finese of the incredible Hulk. SAMANTHA: And just about as much subtlety. HARUKA: I personally think being knocked out with a rock will not endear me to my kidnappers. MISTY Leave him alone! He's ours! AMI: No! He's mine! He's just so cute... SAMANTHA: Have we done the cute joke to death yet? AMI: Not that I know of. MEOWTH Sorry! Meowth! But he's Team Rocket's now! Meowth! BYE! HARUKA: Meowth is reminding me of Snarfer from Thundercats for some reason. (He slings Pikachu(Ash) over his shoulder and runs off) SAMANTHA: Methinks Meowth has to work out more. I mean, tossing Pikachu over his shoulder in order to carry him away. MISTY He's taking Pikachu! AMI: No duh... HARUKA: Thank you Miss Obvious. BROCK No, he's taking Ash! Remember? Ash's min dis in Pikachu's body! SAMANTHA: When did Brock take up rap? MISTY Oh No! ASH! AMI: Insert your teary eyed moment here... ASH(Pikachu) We gotta get out from under this net! SAMANTHA: I've got to state the obvious some more. (As the three continue to get try HARUKA: I never heard of this Try guy. AMI: Must be new on the show. and escape the net, Meowth finds James and Jessie.) AMI: In about three hours... HARUKA: Ryouga must have been giving directions again. MEOWTH Come on! Let's Move! MEOWTH! SAMANTHA: You do realize Snarfer is on his way over here to sue your butt for stealing his schtick. JESSIE (Amazed) I don't believe it! We actually got him! AMI: Gendou Ikari these people aren't. JAMES Come on! Let's get back to the base! [Everyone face faults.] HARUKA: Back to the base... SAMANTHA: Why yes! Back to the base! Good idea! AMI: Should I point out that they don't *have* a base? (We see Ash(Pikachu), Misty, and Brock walking along the forest trail, searching) HARUKA: Here Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash... Here, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash... MISTY Oh man, we lost them. And Ash... SAMANTHA: Gotta love the concern she displays, don't yah? ASH(Pikachu) Poor Ash. No telling what Team Rocket's got instore for him. AMI: Crappy fanfic appearences... mall openings... the opening act for Aerosmith... They don't know that he's not me. BROCK We'll never find them. We don't even know if this is the direction they went in. HARUKA: Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road! (Misty's eyes widen in relization) MISTY We don't! SAMANTHA: But if we don't go along with the plot, we won't get paid... But I bet Vulpix could track them! BROCK Huh? Vulpix? How? AMI: Brock *is* the master of the English language. ASH(PIkachu) Hey! That's right! Vulpix is a canine pokemon right? HARUKA: Okay boy... track! SAMANTHA: HARUKA: No! I said track, not kill! BROCK Actually, she's a fire based fox pokemon. AMI: Red hot Vulpixes! Get your red hot Vulpixes right here! MISTY Still, a fox is a relative of canines. And what is a trait canines are known for? SAMANTHA: Is this a fanfic or a lesson in wildlife? BROCK (Relizing) Their ability to pick up on scents! Of Course! HARUKA: Of course! If I breathe more, I won't die or become light headed! Brilliant! (Brock pulls out a pokeball.) AMI: After what happened the *last* time someone pulled out a pokeball, I wouldn't trust the things anymore. BROCK Vulpix! Come out! SAMANTHA: No! (The pokeball opens and Vulpix is zapped out onto the ground.) VULPIX Vulpix! AMI: These pokemon have as about a big a vocabulary as a rock. BROCK Vulpix, can you get Team Rocket's scent? HARUKA: The answer was most evident when Vulpix snuffed the air, turned green, and passed out. (Vulpix sniffs at the ground a few times. She then looks at Brock and nods) VULPIX Vul! SAMANTHA:-can is a planet that is a member of the Federation, but that's not important right now. BROCK Lead the way! (Vulpix sniffs at HARUKA: His crotch? AMI: Oh, thank you for that lovely image. HARUKA: Sorry, but things were getting too cutsey for me. the ground once more and then takes off running. ALL: Wait for us! Brock, Misty, and Ash(Pikachu)Run after her.) (Team Rocket, with Pikachu(Ash) hanging over Meowth's shoulder, make their way through the forest.) SAMANTHA: Tripping over rocks, getting smacked in the face with branches, stepping in bear sh- AMI: STOP! MEOWTH (annoyed) Could you have picked a denser path to go through?! MEOWTH! HARUKA: Snarfer and his lawyer are right on our tail! JAMES (Annoyed) be quiet, Meowth. SAMANTHA: Silence you uncouth peasant. JESSIE He has a point, James. This path is pretty dense with foilage. AMI: So there's a lot of airplane wings laying around, I take it. JAMES We're almost there, so hush up! SAMANTHA: Quiet you. (The exit the forest. HARUKA: The exit to the forest is *in* the forest... okay... A small warehouse-like building rests in the center of the clearing.) AMI: How convieeeeent ... JAMES There, we've arrived at the base. Safe and sound. Now let's get this Pikachu immobilized. SAMANTHA: It's a pokemon for crying out loud, not some alien, (They walk towards the building) (Pikachu(Ash)'s P.O.V.: He opens his eyes) HARUKA: And there was much rejoicing. AMI: I'll rejoice once Pikachu thundershocks the bad guys into next week. PIKACHU(Ash) AMI: I was in a wonderful white area *filled* with clouds and you were there.. and you... and you... (He looks around to find himself in a cage of some sorts) PIKACHU(Ash) SAMANTHA: You're just being stored away at your local Korean restaurant, Ash. Nothing to worry about. JESSIE Look! It's waking up! JAMES Good, now we can test it's powers. AMI: Jessie, take him down ot the Danger Room. PIKACHU(Ash) HARUKA: You *are* Pikachu you twit. So thundershock them and get out of there. (Meowth looks into the cage) MEOWTH Meowth. Wakie, wakie, you little rat! Time to give us a demonstration of your electric abilities! SAMANTHA: I'm sure they're bound to *light* up our lives... (The bottom of the cage opens and PIkachu(Ash) falls onto a small slide. HARUKA: Whee! Can I go again? He slides out into a large room. Pikachu(Ash) looks around to see a large pane of glass embedded in the wall high above him. Team Rocket looks on through the glass.) AMI: Wow, it *is* the Danger Room. SAMANTHA: Good call, Ami. JAMES Let's see how he does one on one. Ekkans! Go! HARUKA: But didn't he just say *one* on *one*? AMI: These are the bad guys talking. One on one usually mean one to fifty. (A hatch in the wall opens and Ekkens slithers out onto the floor.) PIKACHU(Ash) ALL: No duh. (Ekkans charges at him. Pikachu(Ash) dodges and begins to run from the snake pokemon.) SAMANTHA: Ash did so *bravely* run away. AMI: I did not! JESSIE Odd, it's not attacking back. HARUKA: Just waiting for a clear shot at you... MEOWTH Maybe he turned cowardly since we last encountered him. Meowth! AMI: So someone used a fear ray on him? SAMANTHA: It would fit right in with the plot. (Pikachu(Ash) continues running around the room, avoiding Ekkans. He looks to be tiring out, though.) HARUKA: Oh gods, I shouldn't have had all those donuts earlier.. PIKACHU(Ash) ALL: Pikachu is not a mouse! (Ekkans corners Pikachu(Ash). Pikachu(Ash) is out of breath, and is panicking.) SAMANTHA: I would say he pissed his pants, but he's not wearing any. EKKANS Ekkansssssss! PIKACHU(Ash) CHU CHU! {Go away!} AMI: I am really tempted to call in Rampage. SAMANTHA: Yeah! Stop ripping off his schtick! EKKANS Ekkanssss! (Pikachu(Ash) closes his eyes and braces for the attack.) PIKACHU(Ash) HARUKA: No, irony would be something along the lines of Ash being killed by Pikachu. (Ekkans leaps to attack, but is distracted as Onix SAMANTHA: [blinks] What the hell is Oni doing here? AMI: That's Onix, not Oni. crashs through the wall. Onix roars at Ekkans. Ekkans hisses in terror and slitehrs off. Pikachu(Ash) opens his eyes as he hears Misty's voice.) MISTY ASH! AMI: AHHHH!!! (Pikachu(Ash) looks up at Misty) HARUKA: I see London, I see France, I see Misty's underpants! SAMANTHA: That was cheap and tasteless... I liked it. PIKACHU(Ash) PIKA! {MISTY!} (Misty lifts him up and hugs him.) SAMANTHA: Whoo hoo! Ash sure is getting lucky now! AMI: [blushing] Samantha! MISTY Thank goodness you're ok! AMI: Thank goodness we're almost done! HARUKA: I just thought of something. SAMANTHA: What? HARUKA: Who here wants to bet that Team Rocket gets their minds switched around by the end of the fanfic. AMI: It's not a bet if we all agree on it. (Brock, Vulpix, and Ash(Pikachu) run in through the hole Onix made. Team Rocket is stunned.) SAMANTHA: So Team Rocket, who are constantly defeated by Ash, Misty, and Brock, are suddenly stunned beyond belief by this? HARUKA: Well, they must have gotten one of those failure proof plans from Dr. Claw or something. MEOWTH MEOWTH! HOW'D THEY FIND US?! ALL: [holds their ears and grimace] SAMANTHA: Cripes... can that cat shout any louder? JAMES Who cares?! Let's get them before they escape! HARUKA: Hey Sherlock, I got news for you. They just did. ASH(Pikachu) Is he ok? SAMANTHA: Well if you ignore the broken bones, massively bleeding cuts, and internal injuries, then he's just fine! PIKACHU(Ash) Chu chu Pika! {Thanks to you guys I am!} AMI: I swear, with dialogue this cheesy, I expect Captain Kangaroo to come out and start preaching about being good and such. BROCK Looks like we got here just in time! HARUKA: Is everyone hyped up on sugar in this fanfic? Why all the exclamation marks? (Suddenly, the whole room goes dark, except for the hole in the wall leading outside. AMI: And the Dark Sting music cues up... SAMANTHA: When a man's heart is full of deceit it burns up, dies, and a dark shadow falls over his soul. From the ashes of a once great man has risen a curse, a wrong that must be righted. We look to the skies for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black heart of the same man who created him. The battle between good and evil has begun. Against an army of shadows comes the Dark Warrior, the purveyor of good, with a voice of silence, and a mission of justice. This... is... Sting. [Haruka and Ami applaud as Samantha blushes slightly.] The Team Rocket speech sequence begins.) JESSIE Here comes trouble. HARUKA: With a capital R, right? JAMES And make it double! AMI: Sorry, I don't drink alcohol at all let alone a double of anything. JESSIE To unite all those within our nation! SAMANTHA: Break it down! JAMES To protect the world from devestation! AMI: I am Captain Planet! JESSIE To denounce the evils of truth and love! HARUKA: Oh yes... truth and love... how evil! Evil!!! JAMES To extend our reach to the stars above! SAMANTHA: You gotta admit... this is actually kinda catchy. JESSIE Jessie! JAMES James! AMI: One of the most notorious gun fighters in the old West. JESSIE Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light! HARUKA: Wonder what the heck *they've* been taking. AMI: And where can I get some? JAMES Surrender now or prepare to fight! SAMANTHA: And God Almighty it's an ugly sight. HARUKA: Especially when they flash, it's really bright. AMI: Are you two trying to give me a fright? HARUKA: Well we're sorry, that isn't right. SAMANTHA: Perhaps later we could go out and fly a kite. (Meowth flips over their heads and lands in front of them.) AMI: *THUD* SAMANTHA: Still can't land right. MEOWTH Meowth! That's right! HARUKA: Suddenly Snarfer jumps in with his Lawyer! Oh the humanity of it all. BROCK Onix! Attack! (Onix roars and charges at Team Rocket) AMI: Well, they're dead meat. What's on Raw? SAMANTHA: Mankind with DX. JESSIE/JAMES/MEOWTH RUN AWAAAAAAAY!!!!! [Everyone blinks.] SAMANTHA: You know, that has to be one of the shortest and stupidest fight scenes I have ever seen since... since... HARUKA: Koopa? (Team Rocket runs off as Onix gives chase.) BROCK Onix! Return! (Brock hold sup AMI: Yo, what's up ya all? a pokeball and Onix is zapped back inside it.) BROCK Come on! Before they come back! HARUKA: Of course, it's fairly easy to scare them off again. (Misty carries Pikachu(Ash) as they all run out the hole in the wall. AMI: Didn't they just do that? SAMANTHA: No, it's just the fanfic's distortion wave. They stop when they're a good distance away from the building. Brock returns Vulpix to her pokeball.) MISTY I think we lost them. HARUKA: All you did was run outside the building. SAMANTHA: Well, this *is* Team Rocket we're talking about here, after all. JAMES Think again! SAMANTHA: Maybe they're not so incompetent after all. AMI: Give them a minute. (Jessie shoves Misty, HARUKA: Oh... a cat fight. and grabs Pikachu(Ash). Ash(Pikachu) grabs onto him as well.) JESSIE Let go, kid! SAMANTHA: Hey! Don't grab me there! Only James does that. AMI: Samantha... SAMANTHA: Aww... come on... I'm having fun here. ASH(Pikachu) NEVER! (THe pulls Pikachu(Ash) back and forth between them.) AMI: And new event at the Anime Olympics: Pikachu Pulling. PIKACHU(Ash) PIKA! PIKA PIKA PI PIKACHUUUUU!!!!! {AAAAH! You're gonna pull me in half!!!} HARUKA: At least you'll be able to share him that way. (Misty tackles Jessie, SAMANTHA: At the twenty yard line... causing her to let go.) ASH(Pikachu) Ash, Thundershock them! ALL: Thunderstruck! Oh yeah e yeah e yeah e yeah, Thunderstruck! (Pikachu(Ash) shrugs his shoulders) PIKACHU(Ash) Pi Pikachu! {I don't know how!} SAMANTHA: You mean you never read Pikachu's best selling novel "How to Thundershock an opponet in three easy steps"? Shame on you! ASH(Pikachu) This is gonna hurt then! PIKACHU(Ash) Pi? {Huh?} (Ash(Pikachu) holds PIkachu(Ash) out in front of him and squeezes him as hard as he can. [Everyone recoils in horror.] HARUKA: Oh my god! It's turned into a lemon!!! SAMANTHA: Squeezing Pikachu! You sick bastard! AMI: [leaning forward and is an interesting shade of green] Merry Christmas.. ulp... Pikachu(Ash) yells in pain and electricity begins to surge out from him. [Everyone breaths a sigh of relief.] SAMANTHA: Thank god it never went *that* way... AMI: [still green] Yeah... Ash(Pikachu) then rams Team Rocket and all 4 of them are electrocuted.) HARUKA: Don't say it, Sam. I know it's tempting but don't say it. SAMANTHA: Awww... MISTY NOW BROCK! (Brock throws the defective Pokeball at the group. AMI: [fully recovered] Strike one! It opens and zaps Ash(Pikachu), Pikachu(Ash), and Team Rocket inside. SAMANTHA: Oh... I don't see anything bad happening to Team Rocket. It closes and drops to the ground. It reopens a moment later and zaps everyone back out. Misty and Brock run over to Ash and Pikachu) HARUKA: All everyone has been doing in this fanfic is run. Hasn't anyone ever heard of slowing down and taking it easy. MISTY Ash, are you ok? (Ash nods) AMI: Well, as okay as a person can be after having an out of body experience. ASH Yeah. HEY! I'm back in my own body! PIKACHU PIKA! ALL: Awww... (Ash picks up Pikachu) ASH You ok, Pikachu? HARUKA: Pika! Pikachu... AMI: Translation: I'm leaving you for Misty. (Pikachu nods) PIKACHU Pika pi. SAMANTHA: Yuck! No! You do that on the ground, not on Ash. JESSIE(James) AAAAAH! WHAT HAPPENED?! MEOWTH(Jessie) Why am I in Meowth's body?! AMI: Whoa, slow down. Stop. Only four people were zapped by the Thundershock and then into the defective pokeball. Not five. HARUKA: This is Colley we're talking about, Ami. Continuity doesn't matter to him. JAMES(Meowth) Hey! I like this! I got opposable thumbs! BROCK Looks like Team Rocket got their minds switched in the process as well. HARUKA: Called it... SAMANTHA: Like it was that hard to do. MISTY Hmph, serves them SAMANTHA: Ice cream? I could really go for some right now. right. Come on, let's go. The next city shouldn't be to far away. AMI: After all, that boy with the umbrella and yellow bandana couldn't have been wrong. (Ash, Pikachu, Brock, and Misty walk off as Team Rocket continues arguing.) NARRATOR HARUKA: God this story sucks... I had better be getting paid good. Oh, is the mike on? Whoops... And so, Ash and his friends set off for the next city. But what about Team Rocket? AMI: What about them? Will they get back in their own bodies? SAMANTHA: They have to. They're the recurring villans of the show. This, and many more adventures await in the next episode of Pokemon! FADE OUT HARUKA: Ah! I'm going blind! AMI: That's just the fanfic. THE END ALL: SAMANTHA: The best part of the fanfic! AMI: The best *two words* of the fanfic! HARUKA: Grand reviews for 'The End'... [Everyone stands up and leaves.] ***** Samantha watched as Washu finished inserting the final component to the fanfic switcher and started to reassemble the box. Sighing in relief, Washu wiped her brow and started looking about for Mihoshi. "Now all I got to do is ask Mihoshi to send this up and Joel, Soi, and the bots won't have to worry about dealing with the really *horrible* fanfics." "I'm glad," Samantha commented. She sighed sadly and leaned her head on the table. "At least now, Joel and the others up there will be able to survive through this Christmas..." Haruka shook her head and placed an arm on her friend's shoulder. Everything was pressing in and Samantha needed some kind words and support. She was about to speak when she saw Ami's eyes widen and point at the door. Turning, she saw a famaliar figure, dressed all in black and holding a leather jacket in his hands. Alexander Misamoto smiled tiredly and motioned kindly for everyone in the club to not say anything about him. His body suit was torn in a few places, the mask was missing, and his usually short hair was now shoulder lenght and unkempt. Silently, he made his way over to the Review Council's table while Samantha drank the beer that Rei had just placed on the table. "It's not like I'm one to complain or anything, just that I wish..." Samantha stopped as Alexander draped the jacket over her shoulders. "Merry Christmas, big sister," Alexander said, smiling as Samantha turned to face him, eyes wide with surprise and disbelief. "Alex..." "That's my name. Don't wear it out," the young man said, a tear trickling down his cheek. "Oh gods... Alex!" Samantha stood, pushing the chair and engulfing her brother in a smothering bear hug. "Alex... I thought you were dead... oh gods..." Tears started to stream down her tears as she hugged her younger brother tighter. "Uh... Samantha?" Ami said, tapping her on the shoulder. "Your brother needs to breathe." Samantha blinked and, seeing how blue in the face he was turning, let Alexander go. "Alexander Misamoto... I swear... if you *ever* try anything like this again! I'll personally kill you..." The young man smiled and tapped the jacket. "Before you threaten to kill me, check out your Christmas present." Again Samantha blinked in surprise and pulled off the jacket. Fresh tears flowed as she saw the Hitman symbol on the back and she hugged it close. "I wasn't able to get Bret and the others off the SON like I promised I would so he gave me his jacket to give to you," Alexander explained. "And he told me to give you a message." Samantha waited, feeling glad, happy, and sad all at the same time. "Bret told me to tell you that he can't wait for when you give him that jacket back." Samantha smiled, a genuine smile full of hope and happiness that spread across her face and lit it brighter then the Christmas tree on the Kareoke bar. She hugged Alexander again and didn't let go. "Uh... Samantha?" "Yes Alexander?" "Are you a lesbian?" Samantha let go of her brother and stared at her friends, completely thrown off the question. Then it dawned on her. "I'm going to hurt Nash..." ________________________________________________________________________ Send any C & C to: xwing@uniserve.com