Mystery Pokemon Theater 3000 Previous Episodes----1. A Very Dragonball Z Christmas 2. Always And Forever (Please read maximized) ----------------------------------- Disclaimer: Not one of these is owned by me. None. Zilch. Zippo. Not a drop. Like one fanfic author says: "I'm just borrowing them for awhile." ----------------------------------- Original stories by Joker, Tracy Garnett and Heather McNully MSTed by Pika163 The stories being riffed are, "Where Babies Come From (The Pokemon Way)" and "The New World Ranma Style" You can reach me at pika163@hotmail.com Theme Song ----------------------------------- In the not-to-distant future, Giovanni was getting tired, Of having lamebrains failing, So he went up and he tried, He caught a guy named Ash Ketchum, And all his cohorts, too, He shot them all up into space, Where the sky is always blue, (More like navvvvvvvvvvvvyyyy!) We'll send him crappy anime, The worst that we can see, (La-la-la) And we'll have fun watching him go, Into pure insanity, (La-la-la) Now keep in mind they'll have to watch English dubbed shows, They'll have to keep their mind in check, Before they go and blow, TRAINER ROLL CALL! Brock! (Huh...huh...huh) Misty! (Hello!) Ash! (Says nothing, stands in peace sign) Pikachuuuuuuuu! (Pika!) If you're wondering why nobody, Ever wants to get out, (La-la-la) Beware, he cut off oxygen, So just sit down and watch, For Mystery Pokemon Theater 3000! (TWANGGGG) (1...2...3...4...5...Bridge) (On the bridge, All of the crew is sitting on the couch watching TV. Misty's eyes are tearing) Misty: Oh, I just love A Baby Story! (dabs at her eyes with an kleenex) Brock: Misty, we've watched 6 of the 18-show marathon. Can we watch The Real World? Misty: One...more...show... Brock: Can we please? Misty: I said one more show! Jessie: (over the intercom) You'll get to watch both here, pretty soon! (All sit and stare) Ash: I guess that's a Rocket sign then. (Ash presses a button) [Rocket HQ] James: Quick, Jessie! He's coming! Jessie: Yes, I know. Anyway, like I was saying- James: Hurry! Jessie: Yes, James, I get the picture! Anyway- James: Quick! Hurry up already! Jessie: Shut up or I'll kick your arse!! Now, like I was saying, I have found two horrible fanfics for you. One is called, "Where Babies Come From (The Pokemon Way)" and the other is called, "The Real World Ranma Style". [SOL] All: TWO!? [Rocket HQ] Jessie: Yes. The Boss is coming to see our project and we need you guys extra-busy. In you go. [SOL] Brock: It's movie time! Misty, get the popcorn and soda! Ash, get the Nintendo 64! We may be in here for a while!!! (Bridge...5...4...3...2...1) (All enter theater) Brock: Great! What flavor are these sodas anyway, Misty? Misty: Left over root beer, with the "root" crossed out. Ash, were you trying to act grown-up again? Ash: No! I'm way past that! Brock: Be quiet, the movie's starting. Where do babies come from "The Pokémon way" Brock: Do I want to know where babies come from "The Pokemon Way"? By Joker Ash: (as Joker) Now Batman, I will teach you about the Birds and the Bees! Grovel at my feet! Brock: (as Batman) Noooo! I surrender! "Ash, my water broke, Ash: (as himself) We're married? Misty: (as herself) No, I broke my water bottle! Get me another one! your gonna have to get up..." Misty was now in her early twenties and her stomach was bulging as she shook the sleeping Ash beside her. Brock: Ash!! Ash: I'm not asking.... He opened his eyes quickly and pulled up his pants, not noticing that they were Misty's panny hose in the confusion. Ash: Gah! I have *got* to take a shower! Misty: (to Brock) This was rated G? Brock: (to Misty) At least he doesn't drink beer and eat potato chips. Leave it at that. Ash: (looking at the screen) Panny hose? He then ran out of the room leaving Misty behind, Misty: (as herself) Ash!...Oh Ash, you forgot to take me to Pizza Planet with you. he then ran down the stairs and pushed the garage door on the side of the door, he opened the door violently and then ran to the car, Brock: (as the garage door) Ow! That's garage door abuse! I'm suing! he leaped into the open window and peeled out of the gravel drive way, Ash: Therefore peeling out into the neighbors' dumpster. after driving half way to the hospital, he soon relized that Misty wasn't in the car. Ash: (as himself) Crap. He did a wild sharp U-turn over the median and drove back to his house immidiatly, he found her achingly holding her belly and trying to support herself as he quickly got out of the car and helped her frail yet bulking belly into the car. Brock: Gratuitous use of the word "belly"! (All shield their eyes) He then sped off to the hospital, only to have to turn back because he was going the wronge way. Brock: (in Old English) Hath gone Le Wronge Way. He and Misty had been trying for a baby for three years and it was finally on the way, he was so excited. Ash: (as himself, flatly) Yay. I'm excited. Diapers to clean. When they got to the hospital parking lot he slammed on his brakes, Misty did everything but fly out the window. Brock: Drat! (gets a stare from Misty) I mean...er...nevermind. He opened his door and climbed out only to be dragged back by a seat belt that Misty had put on him in the rush. Ash: (as himself) Oh thank you, Misty, taking care of me everyday! Misty: (as herself) Pssh. Whatever. He untangled himself from it and then went around to Misty where he helped her out of the car and into the hospital. Brock: (as Ash) I hope you don't fall, Mis- (makes a splat noise) Oops. Sorry! Ash was hysterical as they got put into the list and they had to give him a shot to settle down. Ash: (as himself) Mmmm...cocaine... Brock: Watch the list on VH-1 every Saturday night! This week's list: Best Hysterical Performance! Then they took Misty to a room in back. Ash: And the pheasants rejoice. All: (flatly) Yay... Ash waited silently (and drooling from the lack of feeling below his body from the shot) Misty: (as a nurse) You're cleaning that up...right? as Misty gave birth to a Pokéball, Ash: Wouldn't that hurt? it was pink, it was a girl, Brock: And it was Misty's worst nightmare! the doctor had to clean the throw up off the ball and then he gave the Pokéball to Misty who held it in her caring arms and gently rocked it. Misty: (as herself, singing) Rock-a-bye, Pokeball, in the tree top... Then a drugged Ash walked in with about three differant security men dragging at his ankles. Ash: (as himself, drugged) Heyyy...Mistyyyy...You get a free strip-o-grammmmm.... "How is my baby?" Ash asked happily. Misty: (as herself) It's a Pokeball, Ash. Something went wrong... "Why don't you come here and find out?" Misty held the baby to her chest as not to get it cold. Brock: Baby as an inanimate object? Ash came near and seen that it was pink, Brock: He whined and whailed for a green one. "I got me a baby girl." Then Misty threw down the Pokéball and out popped a baby, Ash: Baby, go! Brock: Baby, use slobber attack! Misty: Baby, counter with Stinky Diaper attack! the doctor scooped her up and measured her, 9 inches and 5 pounds, blue eyes, and light brown hair, Brock: ...it was really descriptive.... it was a healthy girl. Ash and Misty hugged eachother at the new arrival of the new baby. "Maria," All: (singing) Hello, Mariaaa.... Misty said for the name, Ash only nodded his head and kissed her on the fore head. Now you kids know where you came from, now quit buggin us grown ups... Misty: Ok, we will! Ash: (as a parent) You see, son, we need to talk to you about the Beedrills and the Pidgeys. Brock: (as a child) Is that a band? Misty: Boy, that fic was gawd-awful. I hope the next one is better. Brock: Misty, it's Team Rocket. You think it's going to be better? Genjitsu no Sekai Ranma Sutairu Brock: Roughly translated, "I Want To Kill Ranma". A Ranma ½ Fan Fic written by Tracy Garnett AKA Crikit and Heather McNully AKA Ran-chan AKA Sakuya Masaki PROLOGUE MTV headquarters, NYC, New York: Ash: All the bigwig executives jam down to Ozzy Osbourne before the meeting. "Okay guys and gals, settle down. It’s time for our daily meeting to start and today we have some important stuff to talk about." Misty: (as person speaking) First off, where is my sock? Looking up from their private conversations and fancy coffees, Brock: (as a person) My coffee is fancier than yours! Ash: (as another person) Nuh-uh! the employees in charge of programming gave their boss their undivided attention. "Good, glad to see that your daily helpings of Sesame Street is helping...." Misty: (as an employee, singing to a rock song) Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street! Yaaaaaaa! (headbangs) Ducking she avoids a paper plane that was directed at her head. Ash: (as boss) I'm not saying any names, *Rich*! "It was a joke, people!.... Geez! Get a grip! Brock: (as employee) Ok! (chokes boss) Anyway, let’s start the meeting, shall we? First off, let me introduce a couple of people to you, Misty: (as boss) This is Silent Bob and this is Jay. Brock: (as Jay) Hello. Ash: (as Silent Bob) ... this is Kyasuto Kantoku and Sakuhin Shihainin, they’re from our station in Japan, which if those of you who read the monthly newsletter will know that it is having some ratings problems. Brock: (as employee) Well, I don't read the newsletter...does that still count? Ash: MTV sends out newsletters? Basically, they have none, but we hope to change that. Misty: (as boss) We'll give them .5 of a rating! That is the reason we are having this meeting today. It is your job people to come up with an idea that will bring ratings to MTVJapan." "Oh that shouldn’t be too hard!" One young man jokes. "Ah, Mr. Davis! So glad that you’re willing to volunteer!" Brock: (as Mr. Davis) Volunteer!? Do I get free donuts? "Volunteer, huh?!" "Folks, congratulate Chase he just volunteered to help Kyasuto and Sakuhin in whatever we come up with." All: Yay!...I...uh...think.... "Oh, just great! I can’t wait!" Chase states with just a hint of sarcasm evident in his voice. Ash: Yeah, just a small hint... "Anyone have any ideas?" The various people in the room exchanged glances unsure about what they should do, suddenly there comes a noise from the back of the room. Brock: (as employee, yelling) Sorry! That was me! Misty: That was too easy. Turning, they see one of the newer employees enthusiastically raising her hand in the air. "Yes Deedee?" Brock: (as boss) How many times do I have to tell you? Stay out of my laboratory! I'm kidding...just some newbie humor there.... "Well I was just like thinking, why not do like a Japanese version of Real World? Misty: (as Deedee) We'll call it some long Japanese name! It’s like such a hit here and, like, well, maybe it would become a hit in Japan too... Oh forget it....! It’s like just a stupid idea.... It would never work....." Ash: (as Deedee) Stupid idea...stupid, stupid idea....(hits himself in head) "Actually, that’s not a bad idea! I think it’s quite doable. What do you think, Kya?" Misty: (as Kyasuto) I think it's a candy-butt idea! Let's do it! Brock: (as employee) Someone must have given her those "How To Speak English" tapes. "Hmm? Oh yeah, it’s doable. After all we have occasionally shown various episodes of the Real World in Japan and we always got great ratings for it, so I can’t see why it isn’t doable." Brock: Doable? "Okay then it’s settled. We’ll do a version of Real World in Japan featuring an all Japanese cast. Ash: (as boss) Not exactly an all-*star* cast, but it will work! Deedee, you’ll accompany Kyasuto and Sakuhin to Japan and help get everything set up, after all it was your idea. Misty: (as Deedee) I didn't know I was going to get the dirty work! It's was Chase's idea all along, I mean it! Oh, and of course Mr. Davis will join you. Misty: (as Deedee) Thank you. Brock: (as Chase) It was *not* my idea! Now I suggest that you four get to work you have some things to decide, like what part of Japan you want to set it in." Brock: (as Chase) Duh....Tokyo? All: Good answer! Good answer! With that the meeting ends and everybody fans out to start working on various projects, leaving two very confused Americans with two very confident Japanese. Brock: Various projects including which music video to show next. Ash: Or who to interview. Misty: Hey, it sounds like they slack a lot. You could work there, Brock! Brock: Why don't you pick on Ash? Misty: Cause he's not old enough. "So,... um... like... what do you suppose we do first?" Deedee asks the lack of confidence that she is feeling evident in her voice. Brock: Put in Ranma and Akane because that's the whole reason this fic was made!! Misty: (as Deedee) Oh, I know this *chic* burger place! Wanna go? Ash: (as Kyasuto) What's it called? Misty: (as Deedee) McDonald's! Ash & Brock: (as Kyasuto & Sakuhin) Ooooooo! "Well we could pick the place where the show will be set... That’s always a good place to start....," Chase offers. Brock: (as Chase) Heh...eh... "No need. Kyasuto and I already know the perfect place for the show to be set, don’t we?" Brock: (as Kyasuto) What place was that again? Ash: (as Sakuhin, whispering) The dumpster. Sakuhin said looking at his partner who returned the look with a raised eyebrow. "You don’t mean.....," Kyasuto asks with a hint of mischief in her voice. Misty: (as Sakuhin) Yep. I farted. "Mm-hmmm..." "Could we do that?!" "I don’t see why not...." Brock: (as Kyasuto) Yeah, we *could* do a lemon, couldn't we? Finally Chase has had enough of being left out of the loop and interrupts their conversation. "Hey look, Deedee and I are part of this too, Misty: (as Kyasuto) So? so we would sort of like to be let in on what you have planned. Now where are you planning on setting the show?" Ash: (as Sakuhin) In that one place called Studio 54 right over there.... "Well, there’s a district of Tokyo called Nerima that would be just perfect." All: (singing) Nerima Park is frightening in the dark... Looking at Deedee, Chase raises a questioning eyebrow. "What do you think?" Ash: (as Deedee) I think that the whole world *is* flat, and I have proof.. Brock: (as Chase) I meant about the place. Ash: (as Deedee) Ohhhh. "Well, like, they are the ones who like live in Japan so they do know like the best places and if they like think that Nerima is perfect we should like go with it." Misty: (as Chase) Whatever she said! Chase nods his head in agreement then turns to the other two members of their group. "Okay then, it’s settled. We’ll do the show in Nerima....." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Brock: Man, and I thought *I* had some hard math problems when I was in school! PART 1 "Bye! I’ll see you tomorrow!" Akane waves to her friends. Brock: Finally! The awaited comes! Another school day has come to an end at Furinkan High. Ash: (as Akane) I hate that Furinkan school! The students quickly flee the building, eager to get home. Misty: (as a student, yelling) We're not that eager, there's a fire at the school.... Ranma and Akane walk together in silence down the path back to the Tendo dojo. Brock: (as Austin Powers) Move your dojo! Ash: (as Austin Powers) Yeah, baby, yeah! "Ranma!" a voice comes from above. Misty: (as God) This is God. Do not go on "The Real World", no matter what anyone says! Suddenly, Ranma finds himself trapped underneath the front wheel of a bike. Brock: (as Ranma, Austin Powers-ish voice) Ow! That hurt! That really hurt! Who runs over the main character! I mean really, you fight like a girl! "Nihao!" Ash: That must be a Japanese swear word. Brock: (as Ranma) Nihao! Shampoo says, "Ranma! Get out from under Shampoo’s bike! Shampoo have news for Ranma! Very important!" Misty: (as Shampoo) Shampoo divorce Ranma! "Ranma-honey!" another voice calls out. Ranma turns to see Ukyo charging towards him. Brock: (as Ranma) Gah! I got more women than I know what to do with them! Ash: I bet you wish you were Ranma, eh, Brock? Brock: What's this "I'm too young" business, eh? "I’m so glad I found you! Ranma, I’ve got some great news for you!" Ukyo exclaims. Misty: (as Ukyo) *I* divorced you too! Isn't that nice? "Spatula girl wait turn! Shampoo see Ranma first!" Shampoo says. "Not if I have anything to say about it!" Ukyo says. Shampoo and Ukyo glare at each other. Brock: Uh-oh! Jerry Springer time! Ash: (as announcer) What happens when two women want to tell a guy the same thing, and he's under a bike? On the next Jerry Springer! Misty: (as crowd) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Quickly, both pull out a flier, shoving them in Ranma’s face. "Real World auditions....?" Ranma reads aloud. Brock: (as Ranma) Dang, India *still* hasn't been discovered? "What’s ‘Real World’?" Akane asks. "You’ve never heard of The Real World?!" Ukyo gasps. "Akane live under rock past years?!" Shampoo says just as shocked. Misty: (as Akane, mocking Shampoo) No, Akane just listen to Classical music! "The Real World is a show where they take regular people, put them in a house together, and film their everyday lives!" Ash: (as Ranma) Dude, I hope stay in a house with Jessie.... Misty: (makes a siren noise) Brock: Crossover alert! Crossover alert! Ukyo explains, "Look at this!" Ukyo hands her a flier, "They’ve decided to do a special edition in Nerima! They’re holding auditions today! Isn’t that so cool? Brock: (as Ranma) Well...not really... Ranma, we have to go to these auditions!" Ukyo says grabbing Ranma’s arm. "Ranma go with Shampoo, not Spatula girl!" Shampoo says grabbing his other arm. Suddenly, Ranma finds himself being dragged down the street by Ukyo and Shampoo. Brock: That is, until he gets ran over. Ash: Ah. Classic cartoon fodder. "Ranma," Akane scoffs, "That jerk!! Misty: (as Akane) He took my flyer! Running off with Ukyo and Shampoo like that!" Akane lets out a growl of frustration. She looks over the flier in her hand, "The Real World, huh....." Misty: (as Akane) Hmmm, sounds like good cannon fodder.... *** Ranma, Shampoo, and Ukyo stand in a long line of Real World hopefuls, both of them clinging to Ranma. Brock: So is Ranma clinging to himself too? Ash: (as Ranma) I'm so happy, I want to hug myself! Misty: (as Shampoo) Ick. Me back away from Ranma. Brock: You see, Ranma, there's this place where you can hug yourself allll day! And they give you this nice white jacket... "If Ranma and I were to both get picked, then we would be in the house alone together," Ukyo thinks, "I’d have Ranma all to myself and I wouldn’t have to worry about Shampoo and Akane butting in.... this is perfect!!" Misty: (as Ukyo) But then the whole world is butting in...Crap! "Spatula girl hopeless," Shampoo thinks, "Shampoo and Ranma be in house together for whole world to see! No more stupid Akane and Spatula girl butt into Shampoo’s business! Aiya!" Brock: (as Shampoo) Sorry. Got set on fire. Misty: (as Shampoo) Me have to worry about icky lemon. "Why me, why me, why me...," All: 'Cause you're the main character! Ranma thinks, "First I get cursed then I get a fiancée and another one and another one, and now this... I’ve never even heard of The Real World!! Why can’t they leave me out of their stupid plans? I like living with the Tendos! Brock: (as Ranma) I was half-asleep when they were saying "Get with the Jones's" and thought they said Tendos! I like eating Kasumi’s cooking, sparring with pop in the morning... Ash: (as Ranma) Maybe *that's* why we run out of paper cups... Why would I want to go live in some house with a bunch of strangers?! Ash: (as author) 'Cause it's a good idea for a fanfic. Brock: (as Ranma) Oh. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad if Akane were here instead of Ukyo and Shampoo... Well, if I were to be with one of them I’d sure eat better than I would with Akane, but still......" Ash: (as Ranma) Gah! Where's that handgun I put!?!? Misty: (as Shampoo) Used it on Akane. Sorry. "This must be the place," Akane thinks, seeing the long line of people, Ranma, Ukyo, and Shampoo included, "I’ll show Ranma! I’ll spoil his plans and try out for this myself! That jerk!!" Akane joins the line. "Where the hell am I now?!" Ryoga enters the scene, Misty: (as author) In the wrong fanfic! Yours is a mile down! Ash: (as Ryoga) Oops. Sorry. "Why does all this look so familiar?" Ryoga thinks as he looks around, "What are all those people doing standing in line? Is that Akane?!" Brock: (as Ryoga) Is that a rice cake? Ooooooo! he gasps, "Hey! That looks like Ranma with Ukyo and Shampoo! Grrrr.... I don’t care what it is! Ash: (as Ryoga) I'm going to that terrorism class, period! If it involves dear Akane and that idiot Ranma I’m there!" Ryoga takes a place at the end of the line. *** Brock: Now a short commercial for all you three-star restaurants out there.... "Um, H-hi, Akane...." Akane turns from her spot in line to find herself looking at the familiar face of the eternal lost boy Ash: Dick Tracy! All: DUM-DUM-DUM! Brock: (as Dick Tracy) Where were you on the night of "The Real World" auditions? Misty: (as Akane) I swear I didn't do it! "Oh, hi, Ryoga! What are doing here?" Brock: (as Ryoga) Minding my own business until I got placed in *this* crap! "Uh..... well...." "Are you trying out, too?" "Yeah... of course I am...! I wouldn’t miss this for the world...! All: The *Real* World! Uh..., Akane,... what exactly are we trying out for anyway?" Misty: (as Akane) To be lap dancers...Ryoga, come back! I was kidding! Akane giggles and then answers Ryoga’s question, "We’re trying out for The Real World." Ryoga nods his head in understanding and then gets a confused look on his face. "Um, what’s ‘The Real World’? "The Real World is a show where they take a group of people, make them live together in one house, and film what happens in their daily lives... Misty: (as Akane) Didn't you hear Shampoo say that? Ash: (as Ryoga) No. I wasn't introduced then. Misty: (as Akane) Oh. or so I’ve heard... I’ve never actually seen the show before....." "That’s okay.... me neither....," Ryoga says. "Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one!" Akane smiles. Ryoga blushes. Ash: That's the shortest sentence I've ever saw. Brock: Nope. There's "Brock wept." Ash: Why? Brock: Because of this fanfic!! *** Misty: (as Roger Ebert) I give it three stars down for bad crossover material! "So Ranma, are you excited?" Ukyo asks looking at her fiancee. "Excited about what?!" Ranma asks, while looking down the long line of other prospects. "About us living together of course!" Ukyo replies taking a step closer to Ranma. Brock: (as Ranma, Dr. Evil-ish voice) No, not really. I can't account to that... "What Spatula girl talk about? Ranma no live with Spatula girl! Ranma live with Shampoo!" Shampoo argues. "Oh, yeah?! Over my dead body!" Ukyo says angrily. Misty: (as Shampoo) Me can arrange that! "Shampoo can arrange that!" Brock: Wow. Ash: That was weird...to say the least... "Uh..., girls.... Ash: (as Brock) Those phone numbers? (Brock suddenly jumps from his seat and pounds Ash into the ground) Misty: Why'd you do that? Brock: I warned him.... Ash: Ow. we aren’t the only people here you know, and besides even if we are chosen there would be other people living with us...." Misty: (as Shampoo) Me go out with cute guy there! Brock: (as Ranma) Yes! Suddenly Ranma looks toward the door and sees a familiar figure stepping out. "Hey isn’t that Kuno?" "Kuno? Where?" Brock: (as Ranma) Knock, knock... Ash: (As Akane) Who's there? Brock: (as Ranma) Kuno! Ash: (as Akane) Kuno who? Brock: (as Ranma) We play Kuno tonight! (Ash & Brock laugh mechanically) Misty: Scary. "There. He’s walking towards us. Hey Kuno, what are you doing here?" "What vile creature dare call out my name?" Kuno asks as he stops before the crowd. "Ah, Saotome ‘tis you. The vilest of the vile." Ash: (as Ranma) Saotome? He's over there... "Nice to see you, too. What were you doing in there?" Brock: (as Kuno) Taking a whiz. You? "Is it not obvious? I was but informing the people within of the honor that they shall feel when they allow me to enter their dwelling as one of their cast. And I assure you they have. My face shall grace the screens of hundreds of loyal television watchers all over Japan, and then, I, Tatewaki Kuno, age 17, Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, will win the heart of both Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl from you with my fame. For when they see me in such a position of honor they will no longer be able to conceal the love that they feel for me, and then they will break the wretched curse that you have placed upon them and smite thee with a vengeance." (All clap) Brock: And the award for Best Speech For An Over-Inflated Ego goes to....Kuno! Ash: The 1st Annual Fanfic Awards. "The Only Award Show That Counts" "Yeah... sure... You know you’re dreaming, right Kuno?" Paying no attention to Ranma, Kuno examines the line, Brock: Another exciting episode of "Who's Examing That Line, Anyway?" "Absolutely pathetic.... They think they have a chance against Tatewaki Kuno, the magnificent Blue Thunder of Furinkan High? Ha! It is to laugh! All: Ha...ha....ha-ha...ha......ha. Now that they have seen the best, why do they need these others? They should put these poor souls out of their misery and send them home." Misty: Kuno quotes Shakespeare. Suddenly his eyes come across Akane, "Akane?! My love! She has come to compete with these other women for the chance to house with me! Brock: Chance to house? Ash: Translation: "She has come the clean the dirty dishes, do the laundry, and make dinner for me if I win!" ‘Tis truly a touching gesture! Now if only I could find the illusive pig-tailed girl.... No time for that now. Misty: (as Kuno) I must dip into my Cheesy Poofs! I must go home and wait for my acceptance letter or possibly telephone call." Quickly Kuno runs off toward home. Brock: (as a driver) Get out of the way! (All make "thump-thump" noises) *** "Oh, man....," Chase groans, "I had no idea so many people would try out for this! Brock: (as Chase) I thought only 10 would come! How are we ever going to pick just six of them?!" Misty: (as Deedee) Easy! We'll pick Ranma and Akane and Shampoo and... Ash: (as Chase) You're not supposed to say *that*! "I don’t know about you guys, but I’m beat...," Sakuhin says. "Like, me too!" Deedee replies, stretching. Misty: (as Deedee) Huh-huh! I'm, like, totally, a valley girl! Brock: (as Shaggy) Like, I'm beat, Scoob! "Why don’t we go back to our hotel and sleep on this? We don’t have to make our final decision until next week," Kyasuto says. "Good idea!" Ash: (as Chase) Deedee, let's only order *2* rooms to save money, k? Misty: (as Deedee) Well- Ash: (as Chase) Me and Deedee get dibs on a room! Chase gathers the hundreds of forms and pictures and packs them all into a briefcase as they all leave. The four of them stroll down the street. "You jerk!" Brock: (as Chase) What did I do?, oh, um, never mind... They hear a female voice yell from around the corner. "What’d I do now?!" a male voice responds. All: You were made! Peeking around the corner, they decide to investigate this. "You know very well what you did, Ranma!" "Ranma...," Deedee says thoughtfully, "Why does that name like sound so familiar....." Misty: (as Deedee) Maybe it's because I watch anime! Huh-huh! "Aha! Here it is!" Chase says pulling out one of the applications with a picture attached, "That’s Ranma Saotome. I remember him! He had two girls hanging on him the whole time! Brock: (as Chase) He's a womanizer! They were some of the last to audition." "Well, I guess that extra money for film and a camera wasn’t such a waste after all....," Kyasuto says. Ash: (as Sakuhin) Tell me you *did* record that slap fight, didn't you? Brock: (as Kyasuto) Yep, I did. Ash: (as Sakuhin) Yes!! "Who’s that girl with him?" Sakuhin asks. "Would you just come out and say why you’re so mad at me, Akane?!" "She must be Akane Tendo!" Chase pulls out another form and picture. Misty: Chase Holmes doing what he does best: detective work. All: Oooooo....ahhhhhhh. "You were all over Ukyo and Shampoo today!" "Ukyo Kuonji... and Shampoo...," Chase says pulling out two more forms, "They were those girls he was with!" Misty: More detective work! All: Oooooo....ahhhhhhh. "Me?! You were getting pretty cozy back there with Ryoga!" "Ryoga Hibiki! He was with that Akane girl!" Ash: Gah! Everyone back-stabbing each other! (Brock shudders) Misty: What's the matter? Brock: I just thought of a Mission Impossible crossover with Ranma 1/2. "Don’t bring poor Ryoga into this! He’s not the one with three fiancées, you play-boy!" Brock: Wouldn't he be a Playgirl, then? Misty: Drop it, Brock. "Three fiancées?!?!" the four exclaim silently, giving their full attention to Ranma and Akane’s conversation. "You think I WANT three fiancées?! Misty: Brock would. Brock: I can't take it anymore! Gah!?!?!?!??! (Misty & Ash blink) Is that all you think of me?! Brock: (as Akane) Pretty much. Believe me, if I had a choice I sure wouldn’t choose an un-cute girl like you for a fiancée!" "This is like too good!" Deedee says. Misty: (as Deedee) It's like, Jerry Springer time! Huh-huh! Brock: Please, *stop* with the valley girl laugh. "Well, it’s not like I asked for this either, ya know, Ranma! A jerk like you isn’t exactly my idea of the ideal man either!" "Shut up already, Akane!" "You shut up!" (Brock slurps the rest of his soda) Brock: Oop. Sorry. "Hey! You started it!" "I did not, dummy!" "Tomboy!" "Pervert!" Ash: Pervert? Where did that come in? "I’ve got a great idea!" Chase exclaims as Ranma and Akane continue to bicker and make faces at each other, "Why don’t we put these five together?!" "That’s brilliant! People will tune in to watch all these love triangles unfold!" Kyasuto says. Brock: (as Kyasuto) But then, who's going to pay for the damages for the house? Misty: (as Chase) Not I. "Not only that, but like they’re all hip, good-looking teenagers, too!" Deedee adds, "Ratings will soar!" Ash: I can see the headlines now: MTVJapan Plummets Ratings: Network Flops. "These five," Sakuhin says examining the photos, "It’s settled then?" Everyone nods in agreement. "This is great! We’ve already got five out of our six cast members!" Chase says. Ash: Do we have any more popcorn yet? Misty: Nope. You can have some uncooked kernels, though! Ash: Oooo! Gimme! "Hold it a sec, Akane....," Ranma says ceasing the fight, "Do you have the feeling like we’re being watched or something?" Ranma says. Brock: (as Akane) Oh, you mean those MTV executives? I saw them all the time! "Now that you mention it.....," Akane says. The four MTV executives quickly duck into an alleyway as Ranma and Akane turn to look behind them. "I could’ve sworn somebody was following us....," Ranma says scratching his head. "Oh, forget it. Let’s just get home already! It’s been a long day and my feet hurt." Ash: Wimp. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Brock: Now playing "Math In C Minor". Misty: Come on, guys let's go already! (All leave theater) (1...2...3...4...5...Bridge) (All enter bridge) Brock: Man! Brock was robbed! Ash: I know! They didn't even *get* to be on The Real World! Misty: I guess that'll mean they’ll be a part 2, then. (Brock & Ash scream) Misty: Well, the first fanfic made me *almost* not made me want to watch A Baby Story. Ash: Hey, Misty, was our baby cute? (smacks his lips in front of Misty) (Misty whacks Ash upside the head) Misty: That fanfic doesn’t leave this ship. Brock: Oop, we've got Rocket sign. (Brock presses a button) [Rocket HQ] (Jessie holds up a piece of paper that has a big read A+ on it) Jessie: Yay! Our project succeeded! James: Woohoo! [SOL] Brock: So? [Rocket HQ] James: Don't you know what that means? Jessie: The Boss wants to keep you in longer! James: Yay! [SOL] (All back away from the screen) Misty: Brock, did you hear that? Brock: Can't....stop...imagining...bad...fanfics... All: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Cheesy Deep Announcer Voice: Will Brock & the crew be able to make it out of the ship alive? Will Jessie & James stop sending bad fanfics? Will we *ever* see Giovanni? All that and more on the next epi- Brock: That's quite fine. I'm ok now. Cheesy Deep Announcer Voice: Oh. Ok. (credits roll) Thank you to the authors for letting me riff these fanfics! ----------------------------------- (Stinger) He opened his eyes quickly and pulled up his pants, not noticing that they were Misty's panny hose in the confusion.