*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And look at my nifty glow in the dark plushies! Waiwai!) MYSTERY CHALLENGE THEATRE 3*10^3 A MiST By Eslington. *** Standard disclaimer: Whatever belongs to someone else is the property of someone else. Don't sue, I'm poor. The other disclaimer: WARNING! This story contains badly written scenes of sex and may be offensive to some people. So, if you are under eighteen and/or easily offended stop reading. NOW! I will not take any responsibility if you either become offended or grow up to be a sex-crazed lunatic. If you are still reading, then you may also want to be warned that this story features uncharacteristic homoeroticism. If you are offended by such things, stop reading. NOW! *** Nodoka Saotome looked down the youth before her. The teenage lad had yet to fulfill a vow made long ago, and she had her katana ready in case he proved to be unworthy of her trust. "So..." she began. "Have you fulfilled the promise you made so many years ago?" The young lad blinked. "What do you mean, 'years'? It was less than a month ago." Nodoka Saotome, the MiST writer, scowled. "You're ruining my dramatic effect! Anyway, you promised to MiST Mike Rhea's 'Take Me Out To The Bathhouse.' How is it coming along?" "Well one of my MiSTers refused to MiST a lemon, so I'm going to have to do it myself," said Eslington. "Of course, I shall need some assistance, so allow me to present the rest of my team." Eslington threw a small object to the ground producing a cloud of smoke, which obscured Nodaka's view of the writer and the surrounding area. Footsteps could be heard and the smoke dissipated to reveal Eslington's grinning face. "Presenting..." said Eslington as two more figures became visible. The first was a young 20-something woman with long black hair and grey eyes. She wore a white lab coat, black trousers and a large round pair of glasses that flashed with green light from technical-looking computer readouts projected on them from a small device attached to the frame. "Angela Incubus!" declared Eslington, "From the (thankfully) abandoned fic 'Planned Site Of Witty Title,' an exciting Sci-fi story with a plot that made no sense whatsoever." "Greetings," said Angela. The second was a tall man who looked to be in his late teens with forest green hair, pointed ears and brown eyes. He wore a suit of chain mail with a green tabard over the front. "Makoto!" said Eslington. "A character from an as yet unnamed fantasy story, which shall probably never be finished either." "Hi," said Makoto. "So, we're MiSTing a lemon then? Great." "A bad lemon," noted Angela. "It's by Mike Rhea, remember?" "Anyway," said Eslington. "No time like the present, let's start!" * Makoto: Hey, we're in script format. Angela: Goodbye fourth wall... > AUTHOR'S FOREWORD TO THIS REVISION(May 29,2000):This final revision of > my longest fic to date supersedes the previous version posted to RAAC > in October 1999.All of the kinks in the previous version have been > worked out,so enjoy! Makoto: So there's no kinky stuff? Damn. > > DISCLAIMER/LEMON WARNING:None of these characters are mine,and no > copyright infringement is intended. Eslington: Except for the stuff on lines three, twenty-eight and sixty-two. Those were intended to annoy Viz's lawyers. Nyah. > Never mind the fact that there are > consensual sex scenes.Some of them,particularly in the first part,are > same-sex.If you are offended by "slash" lemons,please hit the "back" > button on your web browser(you have been warned). Angela: Yes, by thousands of other fanfic readers. >Otherwise,especially > if you think that Tsubasa Kurenai and Konatsu Kenzan Eslington: Ah, a common error. "Kenzan" is a word used by ninja when introducing themselves, not Konatsu's surname. > deserve each > other,please feel free to continue reading.No,I'm NOT Makoto: -talented. > gay,I'm just Angela: -Totally ignorant of their characterisation. > severely pro-Ukyou biased. Eslington: Understatement of the year. >Yes,this yaoi lemon is post-volume 38;and > since this takes place a couple of years after the end of the manga > storyline,all parties depicted in the lemon scenes are at least 18. > Sorry,pedophiles. Makoto: This fic also features no Neko-Shampoo lemon scenes. Sorry Oscar. > > "Take Me Out To The Bathhouse"(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon Fanfic),by Mike Rhea > > *********************************************************** Eslington: It would be seven more years before Shampoo got her star on the walk of fame... > > Tsubasa and Konatsu walked through the streets of Nerima,heading for > the public bathhouse. > > "Konatsu-kun,aren't we glad that we're both men?,"inquired Tsubasa. Angela: I'm a man? > > "Definitely,Tsubasa-kun.When we go to the public bath,we won't ever > have to worry about being separated,"replied the transvestite kunoichi > who was raised as a girl. Eslington: In case you don't know. After all it would be pretty hard for me to rationalise their homosexuality if you weren't aware of that. > > Less than a minute later,the 2 transvestites arrived at the bathhouse. > The kunoichi and the most-of-the-time living inanimate Angela: How self-contradictory... > object(who was > only dressed as a girl)then proceeded to the men's side,and first > entered the dressing/undressing room. Makoto: Now where did I put my shirt... > > "May I,Konatsu-kun?,"inquired Tsubasa. > > "If you let me do the same,help yourself,Tsubasa-kun,"replied the > transvestite Eslington: Just making sure you don't forget. > ninja as he and his partner took turns undressing each > other until they were both entirely nude; Angela: Unfortunately Tsubasa forgot to stop. Makoto: Wow. Tsubasa sure has some sexy upper muscular flesh. >at that point in which they > accompanied each other to the bathing area. > > There,in front of other bathhouse patrons,they doused each other with > warm water,then lathered themselves with soap.They then began rubbing > their nude bodies against one another,arousing both of their sexes. Makoto: So they've suddenly become transgenderal too? > Then,as other men stared in shock(including a certain ancient pervert > who then snuck to the women's side),the two transvestites applied > shampoo to each other's heads. Eslington: *GASP!* They're washing their hair! Makoto: How shocking! A man washing someone else's hair! I won't forget THIS in a hurry. Angela: Aiyah! How Shampoo get in lame fanfic? > As they took turns shampooing each other, > Konatsu thanked Tsubasa for convincing him that he was truly a guy and > not a woman.Then,as they started rising themselves off Makoto: -The floor, Tsubasa thanked Konatsu for showing him this nifty ninja flying technique. > ,Konatsu asked > Tsubasa "Shall we begin?" > > "Why not?,"inquired Tsubasa Eslington: Because it'd be out of character. > as he and his lover continued rinsing > themselves off.When they finished,Konatsu laid down on the floor of > the bathing area,back-side down;then Tsubasa lowered his mouth onto > Konatsu's erect member and his own erect member into Konatsu's mouth > so that they were laying on top of each other in the 69 position. Angela: Well, this is exciting. >They > then began sucking on each other's throbbing members to see who would > orgasm first.As they did so,they felt the pleasure build up slowly,but > surely.The pleasure continued to build up; Eslington: -Then it built up some more. And more. Then a bit more. And some more. Angela: This scene lacks detail. Any twit can describe the mechanics of gay oral sex and it's not that interesting to read. Makoto: Not to mention the fact they're doing it in a public bathhouse. There's probably laws against that. >and eventually the 2 felt > the shockwave of Eslington: -A major earthquake. The bathhouse collapsed, killing our two protagonists. > an orgasm wrench their bodies,and they continued to > suck on each other's erect members as to muffle each other's moans of > ecstasy as they climaxed in each others mouths.They quickly lapped up > each other's cum. Makoto: This isn't exactly detailed and exciting enough to be a lemon. It's more like a- Angela: Lime? Makoto: -Potato. > By doing so,however,they began pleasuring each other > again;and they continuously brought each other orgasm over and over > until the both suddenly lost count, Angela: What? People never suddenly lose count. It's a gradual process of confusion. >at about the same time the sweet > aroma of their love juices began permeating the men's side of the > bathhouse.Then,as angry women Eslington: -Stormed Mike Rhea's house for crimes against fangirlism. > catapulted Happousai back into the men's > side,Tsubasa and Konatsu felt each other's softening members leave > each other's mouths.Almost immediately afterward,the 2 got up off the > floor,and began kissing passionately as they resumed rubbing Makoto: -the magic lantern. Eslington: I wish I was properly characterised! > their > naked bodies against one another.They continued kissing as they felt > Konatsu's hardening member slide into that of Tsubasa. Makoto: Sounds painful. >At that point, > the kissing began muffling each other's moans of pleasure. Makoto: I wonder if kissing would muffle our cries of pain. Wanna try? Angela: Don't even think about it. >They would > not last long,however:Within minutes,the 2 climaxed and shouted each > other's names as they felt each other's love juices touch their > softening members. > > "I love you,Konatsu-kun,"said Tsubasa. > > "I love you too,Tsubasa-kun,"replied Konatsu as he and Tsubasa > continued to kiss very passionately to the shock of other bathhouse > patrons,including Happousai who promptly passed out horrified by the Angela: -Length of this sentence. > yaoi public display of affection. > > "Unfortunately,Mike Rhea's fics aren't phony after all,"thought defwood > to himself as he regurgitated,revolted by the yaoi sight in front of > him. Eslington: "Unfortunately, Mike Rhea's fics aren't just a story made up to scare newbies," thought Eslington as he retched at the bad writing in front of him. Makoto: Who's defwood? And why isn't his name capitalised? Angela: Presumably one of Rhea's critics, and probably bad grammar. Makoto: I guess this makes this a S.E.I. fic. Angela: What's that? Makoto: A Someone Else Insertion fic. > > ******************************************************************* Angela: And here we see the bullet holes in the wall where the cast's personalities were lined up and shot. > > Meanwhile,in western Kyoto,a typical day of business was winding down > for Ranma and Ukyou Saotome at their Makoto: -Burlesque House. > okonomiyaki restaurant which has > operated at its current location for just over 2 years,which is almost > not only as long as they've been married,but it's also been as long > since the lifelong friends became business partners as well. Eslington: That line, not to mention the rest of the fic, smacks of bad grammar. >Their last > customer for the day,Shuutarou Mendou,had just entered the > okonomiyaki-ya after landing one of his heavy bombers just half a > block away and was starving. Angela: What would Mendou be doing in a peasant establishment like Ucchan's? Eslington: Maybe Ucchan upgraded the place to a first-class restaurant. Makoto: Ah, Monsieur. Table pour deux, non? > > "Good day,Saotome-san,"greeted Mendou. Eslington: Since when did Mendou regard people like Ranma and Ukyou of being worthy of respect? > > "Good day,Mendou-kun,"replied Ukyou."How would you like your > okonomiyaki tonight?" Makoto: Flat. Angela: One Rhea dialogue special coming right up! > > "One seafood combo,please,"replied Mendou."How have things been, > Saotome-kun?,"he then asked Ranma. > > "Very well,Mendou-kun.It's a lot more peaceful here than in Nerima. > However,I did receive a letter from Ryouga Hibiki today:He and his 2 > concubines,Akane and Akari,are doing well. Makoto: As much as the prospect of having two concubines appeals to me, having Akari as one kinda spoils the effect. >In fact,Akane recently gave > birth to her second(and Ryouga's third)child,Shinnosuke,in which they > named after the guy from Ryugenzawa who saved her life many years ago. Angela: A minor point. Don't explain your refrences unless you have to. It's bad for the flow of the story. Makoto: Hey, anything that can dam this flow of crap is fine by me. > In addition,Akari is very pregnant with her second(and Ryouga's fourth) > child and is expecting any day.Meanwhile,Dr.Toufuu finally fessed up > to Kasumi;but not before Nabiki locked the 2 together in the same room. Eslington: Ah yes, the claustrophobia method of romance. Angela: It didn't work for Asoshima, why should it work for Nabiki? > Last,but not least,Tsubasa and Konatsu,as usual,are busy with each > other,"replied Ranma Eslington: That's nice, but I did ask about you, not your acquaintances. Makoto: Ah, well we're not interesting enough to mention. > as he was preparing 3 seafood okonomiyaki,two of > which were heart shaped,since they were to be consumed by by both > himself and his wife(In fact,on the okonomiyaki that he was cooking for > his wife,he naturally wrote "I love you,Ucchan" in sauce.)."And you, > Mendou-kun?." Makoto: I love Ucchan too. Why do you ask? > > "Unfortunately,(Ataru) Moroboshi Eslington: What's with the parentheses? Angela: Well some writers use brackets to emphasise words, like [this,] but normally they're square brackets. Eslington: But why bother emphasising Ataru? What other Moroboshi could it be? Makoto: His parents? Eslington: Somehow, I doubt it. > was recently involved in a wild orgy > that is known to have involved Lum,Benten,and Ryuunosuke. Eslington: Since when was Ataru that lucky? Makoto: Maybe it was an orgy of destruction or something. >I got a major > nosebleed when Lum Eslington: -Headbutted me. > told me the rather lurid details of how she and > Ryuunosuke had fun together as Moroboshi watched in pleasure. Angela: Let's be thankful that he didn't ruin that one for us. > Thankfully,my sister Ryouko was fortunate not to have been involved. > Ditto for my fiancee,Asuka Mizunokouji.In fact,she and Ryouko have been Makoto: -Shagging each other rotten behind my back. > faring well.BTW,Saotome-kun,has your dad ever apologized to you,your > wife,or her dad for pulling that dirty trick that culminated in your > old man stealing the Kuonjis' yatai?" Eslington: Why would Mendou know so much about Ukyou's life? Angela: He read it in my best-selling autobiography, 'Love, Death, Revenge and Spatulas!' > > "He finally did when my mom threatened to make him commit seppuku in > front of me and Ucchan,both of us who have been wronged by his dirty > trick. Angela: How long has Ranma been speaking like that then? Makoto: Since the tragic death of his canon characterisation. >He had been unconvinced even when Akane-kun came clean and > admitted that she truly loved Eslington: -Shampoo and Ukyou. > both Ryouga and Akari and that she was > fully aware of the fact that Ryouga and P-chan were one and the same. Makoto: She hid that well, ne? >In > fact,Ryouga sent us pictures of his kids,some with them as piglets.The > pictures didn't convince my stubborn old man,but my mom's seppuku > threat did.BTW,Mendou-kun, Angela: ur a wu55, my GF b3at5 y0ur GF, IMHO. Makoto: Ph3ar my l33t sk33lz. >your okonomiyaki is ready now,"said Ranma > as he walked to the counter and placed a dish of freshly-cooked > okonomiyaki(the one that wasn't heart-shaped)in front of the scion of > the richest family on the planet. Makoto: *Sigh* Here I am. Richest scion on the plant and I'm stuck eating cheap fast food in a lame fanfic. I gotta talk with my agent. > > "Arigatou,Saotome-kun,"replied Mendou as he began devouring his > okonomiyaki. Eslington: Wouldn't Mendou have better table manners? Angela: Something tells me that Rhea's getting his verbs out of a thesaurus. Makoto: Yet still he manages to be repetitive, even with verbs. > > "You're welcome,Mendou-kun,"added Ukyou as she placed the other 2 > okonomiyaki,to be consumed by herself and her husband Ranma,onto > dishes. > > A few minutes later,Mendou had finished devouring his okonomiyaki;and > he then handed Ukyou some money and thanked her and Ranma for the meal > as he left the okonomiyaki-ya,returned to his heavy bomber,and flew > back home. Angela: Wow. It sure was smart of me to build my restaurant next to an airstrip. Makoto: Aircraft exhaust and loud noises are good for business! >It was closing time,and Ranma went outside to take down the > shop curtain for the day;and after taking the both the shop curtain > and the fold up sign inside(and locking the door) Angela: INTENSE... HOUSEKEEPING... ACTION! >,Ranma was welcomed > by the sweet aroma of fresh seafood okonomiyaki that he cooked himself. > He sat next to his wife(who wrote in sauce "Love,Ucchan" on the Eslington: -magic paper doll stuck to Ranma's back. > one > that he was going to eat),and as they were both starving,they Eslington: -Spared a moment to think about the starving children in Africa. Makoto: And the suffering fanfic readers across the world. > naturally began savoring their okonomiyaki.Within minutes,they had > cleared their plates. Angela: So they went from savouring to clearing plates without any actual eating? How, exactly? >As they washed a few last dishes,Ranma asked his > wife "Ucchan,aren't we the best okonomiyaki cooks in the world?" Angela: Your okonomiyaki technique is good... But mine is SUPERIOR! > > "Certainly,Ran-chan,"replied Ukyou."Anyway,Ryouga-kun and his two > wives have 3 children between them and are already expecting their > fourth.Ran-chan,is it about time that we thought about starting a > family of our own?" Eslington: Sorry Ucchan, but we can't let our bland characterisation to be passed onto future generations. Angela: Eh, that's okay. At the rate Ryouga's going we'll be facing an overpopulation crisis pretty soon. > > "Why not?,"replied Ranma as he accompanied his wife to their bedroom > where they began kissing very passionately. Makoto: Show, don't tell. >Once in the bedroom,they > wasted little time getting down to business: Makoto: Then they remembered that they should have focused on business while the restaurant was still actually open. >Ranma began kissing and > sucking on Ukyou's neck as the 2 untied the sashes of each other's > identical garments. Eslington: So Ranma's clothes are cut for a girl too? He must be Ranma-chan at the moment. Makoto: Woohoo! Hot girl-on-girl action! Angela: From this author? Makoto: Yay! Lukewarm girl-on-girl action! Eslington: That's still a little optimistic. Makoto: Hurrah. An entire Kelvin of girl-on-girl stuff. >As they took off each other's blue okonomiyaki > seller's shirts,Ranma felt Ukyou's breasts through her chestwrap and > was aroused by it. Makoto: So Ranma's got a chest wrap fetish? Angela: He must be into bondage. >Feeling her husband's manliness rub up against her, > Ukyou Eslington: -Frowned and poured a bucket of water on Ranma. > felt her love petals stir in arousal as Ranma helped her slip > out of her tights.In return,she helped her husband slip out of his > tights. Eslington & Makoto: o/~ We're men! We're men in tights! Always on guard defending the people's rights! o/~ >They then started kissing again as Ranma ripped off Ukyou's > breast bindings.Ukyou felt her aroused nipples harden as she took off > Ranma's undershirt. > > "Ran-chan,I'm discarding my chestwrap permanently,"said Ukyou."It > would be a lot easier for us if I wore a bra instead of going through > the pain of taping my chest." Eslington: So she realises this two years after the manga ends? How slow-witted can you get? > > "You're more beautiful then ever,my beloved Ucchan,"replied Ranma as > he traced his hands down to Ukyou's waist and carefully took off her > panties.After stepping out of her panties and tossing them out of the > way,Ukyou found herself entirely nude except for the bow in her hair. > They resumed kissing very passionately as they rubbed their bodies > against each other.Ukyou felt Ranma's hard groin through his briefs > and was further excited. Makoto: The audience however, remained extremely bored. >They continued kissing rather lustfully to > muffle each other's moans of pleasure until,suddenly,Ukyou got a bit > impatient. Angela: When is this damn fic going to end? >"Enough teasing,Ran-chan,"she said as she traced her hands > down to Ranma's waist and carefully began to take off his briefs. > "Let's wash up.I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine." > > **Music:"You Dropped The Bomb on Me,"by the Gap Band** Eslington: I've never heard that one. Angela: Me neither. But now I really want to drop a bomb on Rhea... > > "Anything for you,my beloved kawaii iroke otemba,"replied Ranma as he > stepped out of his briefs Makoto: Another continuity error. Ranma wears boxers. Angela: Maybe he changed preference when he changed characterisation. > and tossed them out of the way as he and his > lovely wife were both naked at last. > > Ukyou blushed profusely, Eslington: It's a bit late for that isn't it? >but unlike the times before Ranma finally > chose her,she didn't whack him with a spatula. Makoto: I'd hope not. It's bad manners to attack people when you're about to have sex with them. Angela: Not to mention illegal. >Though Ranma was hers > exclusively,Ukyou still Eslington: -Fantasised about sharing him with Kunou. > felt tomboyish at heart.In fact,Ranma had > always told her she was cute regardless of her wardrobe,unlike a > certain kawaiikunai otemba who wouldn't admit that Ryouga and P-chan > were one and the same. Makoto: Two guesses as to who that is... >Instead of hitting him with a spatula,she > accompanied him to the bathroom. > > ******************************************************************** Eslington: Ah, the scene breaks. The most entertaining part of this fic. > > As they arrived in the bathroom,Ranma and Ukyou wasted little time > getting down to business: Eslington: The business of repeating themselves over and over again. >After Ukyou placed some towels adjacent to > the bathing area,Ranma undid the bow in her hair as they stepped into > the shower together.After turning on the hot water to get wet, Makoto: If Ukyou needs a shower to get wet, Ranma can't be that sexy... >Ranma > and Ukyou each took a washcloth and began scrubbing soap all over each > other.As they began applying shampoo to each other's heads,Ukyou > asked Ranma "Ran-chan,aren't you glad we don't go to the public baths?" Eslington: Yeah. The place is crawling with S.E.I. characters. > > "Certainly,my darling Ucchan,"replied Ranma."Why get separated from > each other in public when we can bathe together in the privacy of our > own home?" Angela: Well, if we go to the bathhouse, we get to see live gay sex for free. > > As they shampooed each other,Ranma and Ukyou began moaning in pleasure > as they rubbed each other's naked bodies against one another. Eslington: This fic features a lot of shampooing as a form of foreplay. Makoto: I wonder if Rhea has a Shampoo fetish. Angela: Probably not. She's never in his fics. >Then,as > they were rinsing themselves off,Ukyou lifted a leg up and told Ranma > "Enough teasing,Ran-chan.Get in." > > Ranma quickly complied with Ukyou's wishes as he inserted his rock > hard member into her love tunnel. Makoto: Wasn't the love tunnel the occasion where Ukyou failed to get Ranma? >As the began caressing each other's > necks,they began kissing rather lustfully to muffle each other's moans > of pleasure.For Ukyou,it was just like her first time with Ranma,but > without the pain of his Makoto: -Leather whip lashing her buttocks. > hardness tearing through her virgin barriers. > While Ukyou was fantasizing about that first time,Ranma began kissing > and sucking on his wife's neck,and then began fondling her well- > developed breasts causing her to moan even louder.As they both moved > their hips in sync,Ranma lifted Ukyou off the ground as she wrapped > her legs around him.With her love button rubbing up against her > husband's manliness; Angela: Ukyou then accidentally slipped and rubbed Ranma's manliness against her self-destruct button >Ukyou climaxed,shouting out "RAN-CHAAAAAAANNNNN!" > as her love juices dribbled out of her sex onto Ranma's balls. Eslington: Ranma frowned. This was the last time he had sex on the pool table. >This,in > turn,caused Ranma to orgasm as well:"UCHAAAAAANNNN!,"he shouted out as > he held on to Ukyou tightly and ejaculated all the way inside of her. Makoto: So Angela, was that as good for you as it was for me? Angela: That depends. If you found read the manual for windows more exciting than this then yes. > A few moments later,after their pleasure had faded,Ranma lovingly > carried Ukyou out of the bath with him(as Ukyou's legs were a bit > weakened from that intense orgasm);and without washing off each > other's fluids,they used the bath towels to dry each other off Eslington: Let's hope those stains come off in the laundry... >,kissing > each other passionately as they did so.When they finished drying > themselves(and each other),Ranma lovingly gave Ukyou a piggyback ride > to the bedroom,as Makoto: -Ukyou still missed Katsunishiki. > they still weren't done with each other. > > ******************************************************************* Angela: And here we see the eye sockets of some of the people who chose to gouge their eyes out instead of read this. > > Once in the bedroom,Ranma gently put Ukyou down on their bed;and he > then lowered his once-again erect member into Ukyou's mouth and his > mouth onto Ukyou's crotch so that they were laying on top of each > other in the 69 position.While Ukyou was sucking on Ranma's throbbing > manliness,he in turn began licking on the outer petals of her delicate > flower. Eslington: Ukyou scowled. Ranma had promised to see a therapist about his orchid fetish. >As Ukyou's tongue was dancing all over Ranma's manhood,he > returned the favor as his tongue danced all over her womanhood. Makoto: This fic is awfully repetitive. >As > their mutual pleasure built up;Ukyou deep-throated Ranma's sex pole Angela: ... That is the worst slang term for penis I've ever seen. > while Ranma in return gently parted the petals of Ukyou's flower with > his thumbs while Eslington: Ukyou opened the phone book to look for psychiatrists. > his tongue washed over her exposed clit. > > Not too surprisingly,not only did they climax in each others faces;but > also when muffling each other's screams,they ended up lapping up a > combination of each other's love juices that were left over from their > quickie in the shower.As Ranma briefly dismounted Ukyou,she told him > "Enough teasing,Ran-chan.Get in." Makoto: This fic is awfully repetitive. > > "Anything for you,my beloved Ucchan,"replied Ranma as he remounted > Ukyou so that they were face-to-face(just as they like it). Angela: Oh, as if the author would know... >He then > inserted his once again erect sex pole Angela: There it is again... > into her delicate flower.The > two wasted little time making each other moan in pleasure,and they > soon began kissing rather lustfully to muffle each other's moans.Not > only have the 2 lovers been sexually intimate only with one another, > Ukyou has always felt both manly and womanly Angela: o/~ Man! I feel like a woman! o/~ > whenever she and Ranma > have made passionate love to each other.In fact,as he continued > thrusting in and out of her,Ranma began kissing Ukyou's neck and > eventually began fondling her breasts (as well as the cleavage > separating them)with both his fingers and his tongue as he rammed his > pelvis against her puffy clit, further arousing her.Soon after,their > breathing became more and more ragged as the 2 young lovers approached > orgasm.With one final thrust;Ranma and Ukyou both came at the same > time. > > "AAAAAAAHHH,RAN-CHAAAAANNN!,"shouted Ukyou as her love juices dribbled > out of her love tunnel and onto Ranma's balls. Makoto: AAAAAAAHHH, SHAMPOOOO! Angela: Shampoo? Makoto: Er, I mean, UCCHAAAAAAN! Angela: BAKA! *WHAM* > > "UCCHAAAAAANNNN!,"shouted Ranma as he ejaculated all the way inside of > Ukyou.However,as they were both determined to give each other the > maximum amount of pleasure,Ranma and Ukyou Eslington: Got out of bed and set to work on the computer. Having determined the point where marginal pleasure reached zero, they returned to bed. Angela: You know you're reading a bad lemon when you find calculus more interesting. > weren't quite done with > each other yet:They continued pumping and it wasn't until they gave > each other 13 more orgasms a piece when they finally wore each other > out,in which about the same time the sweet aroma of their love juices > began permeating their bedroom. Makoto: Well that was exciting. Never before have I felt I might die from boredom. Quite a rush. > > **Music:"Best of my Love,"by The Emotions** > > "I love you,Ucchan,"said Ranma as he pulled over the sheets so that he > and Ukyou were covered by them. > > "I love you too,Ran-chan,"replied Ukyou as she turned Eslington: -Over, pulling all the sheets off Ranma. > out the lights. > Not yet aware that they finally conceived,the 2 lovers fell fast > asleep. > > ************************************************************* Eslington: o/~ Astronomy! A star! o/~ > > Meanwhile,in the next bedroom... Eslington: -The real Ukyou Kounji smirked. Her plan had gone perfectly. Angela: Sounds like Ranma's going to get a shock when he finds out I made Kodachi dress up as me and pretend to be his beloved Ucchan for two years. Makoto: Definitely, Ucchan. Your plan was just perfect. Just like the one where Ryuu Kumon pretended to be me and seduced Akane and Akari, leaving me free to pursue a relationship with you. Eslington: They then had lots of sex. I won't ruin it for you by trying to describe it. > > "Admit it,Genma,"said Nodoka. Angela: You've been writing bad fanfiction, haven't you? >"Ranma and Ukyou are a perfect couple.If > you only told your son in the first place that Ukyou was a girl,he > wouldn't have gone through the trouble of being engaged to a > kawaiikunai otemba that didn't love him.I was a fool for believing in > Akane-kun.Never have seen a lady so unskilled in domestic skills. Eslington: I have. She was a Rifts NPC. >At > least Ukyou was trying to defend her fiance when she crashed the Akane > wedding and is more domestically skilled,regardless of wardrobe." Eslington: But Nodaka-chan, isn't it correct to follow your heart and go for the one you love rather than whoever can cook the best? Angela: Shut up, Genma-kun. I'm having a moment of mischaracterisation and it's that time of the month, so stay out of my way. > > "Alright,darling,"replied Genma."You're right.I shouldn't have forced > the whole fiancee fiasco down his throat in the first place. Makoto: By the same logic, he shouldn't have engaged him to Ukyou either. >I just > hope he doesn't raise his children the way I raised him." > > "Don't worry,why would he want to? Eslington: Oh, I don't know. It's not as if Ranma cares about exceptional martial arts skill at all. Angela: And it's not as if I'm proud of my son. >Anyway,good night,Genma." > > "Good night,Nodoka." > > Meanwhile,in the third bedroom;Mr.Kuonji said to himself "Genma > Saotome,just over 2 years after your son woke up and reversed the > injustice you inflicted on both him and my daughter,you have finally > begun to see things my way." Makoto: No, he hasn't. Genma hasn't killed himself yet. > > THE END All: Hurrah! > > **************************************************************** Angela: And here we see the tracks of the Russian tightrope-walking cat... > > AUTHOR'S NOTES:Alright,you may think I misuse Konatsu in my fanfics, > but the truth is:not only is pairing him up with Tsubasa the Rite Way Eslington: As opposed to the right way. Makoto: Someone should read this fic it's last Rites. > to use either character in a Ranma fic, neither of Ukyou's 2 drag-queen > stalkers deserve her.Even Ryouga is far better than either of them.BTW, > would you rather see me pair Konatsu up with Happousai and/or kill him > off entirely? Eslington: I actually like Konatsu. He's one of the few Ranma 1/2 guys who isn't a jerk. So no. >If you were offended by that yaoi lemon scene,don't say > I didn't warn you in the disclaimer.Also,if that Ataru orgy reference > scared any "Ataru+Lum" purists,it was only intended as a joke to > preserve the fanfic's flavor Eslington: Flavour? What flavour? Makoto: I'm guessing cheese and onion. Angela: Whatever it is, it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth. > in between the Tsubasa/Konatsu bathhouse > scene and the Ranma/Ukyou lemon scenes.Besides,Ataru/Lum ranks among > the top anime couples overall.I have received a couple of rants about > how I often put Ryouga in a threesome with both Akane and Akari.The > thing is,not only does he care for them both,he deserves them both. Eslington: He may deserve them, but neither of them would want to marry another girl. > Even when he saved Akari's picture instead of Akane's,he didn't stop > romantically loving Akane completely.And yes,certain Jusenkyou curses > can be passed on to offspring:in Nettouhen episode 45(in the U.S.,this > episode is titled "Ranma Returns to Jusenkyou,At Last" and it's the > second episode of the Ranma 1/2 Hard Battle:"Mirror,Mirror" video),not > only are Ryouga and Akane married with children Makoto: I really sympathise with Ryouga. A redhead is the bane of my life too. >,but in addition,their > three kids all fell into the fish pond and turned into P-chan's. Eslington: Oh I can't wait to see Ranma's kids... >Since > I've watched "An Akane to Remember" only once(and it was a long time > ago) Angela: -in a fanfic far, far away... >,I haven't used Shinnosuke in any of my fics.However,he does > appear in a future manga volume yet to be translated by Viz,and I may > consider writing an Akane/Shinnosuke fic one of these days.As you > may know,whenever I write a Ranma/Ukyou fanfic Eslington: I.E. Whenever I write a fanfic. > in which they are > married,I have a propensity for having them move out of Nerima and > operating out of a new home in western Kyoto.The reason is:not only > does the westernmost district of the city of Kyoto actually bear the > name Ukyou,but that's also how Ranma's kawaii iinazuke(cute fiancee) > got her given name. Makoto: Well, Ranma, I got into a little trouble with the government over a little tax evasion a few years ago so I had to engage you to a district of a large city... Eslington: BZZZZZT! WRONG! Ukyou got her name due to an intended pun. "Ukyou" means "Right of centre" and "Kounji" means "Eternal temple." This imples that her place is on the right side of a temple, standing by the groom as only a friend. >BTW,"kawaii iroke otemba" means "cute sexy tomboy" > and "kawaiikunai otemba" means "uncute tomboy"(BTW,thank you,Philip > Mak,for that tidbit about animanga and Japanese).In case you thought > this lemon got lurid in the second half,I just can't imagine Ukyou > with anyone other than Ranma. Angela: Lack of imagination... Noted. >Just because my ideas/viewpoints are > different from the majority,it doesn't mean that I'm a psychopath. Eslington: My obsessive desire to decapitate Akane fans and preserve their heads in formaldehyde does though... >The > fact that both Ranma and Ukyou use first names that aren't gender > specific(despite allegations that the latter uses a man's name)makes > them more perfect for each other. Eslington: ...How? Makoto: "What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Angela: By the same reasoning, that makes Tsubasa or Kasumi the ideal match for either. >BTW,IMHO,since no one marries at the > end of the final manga volume(and since nothing is guaranteed),pairing > Ranma with a lady/fiancee other than Akane SHOULD NOT be considered > interfering with Rumiko Takahashi's ideas. Eslington: Actually it should. But then that's the point of fanfiction. New ideas for stories we like to see. Angela: Or in the case of Rhea, the same idea. Over and over and over again. >As for why defwood was > inserted into this final revision,my revenge against the author of "The > Trial Of A Ranma Fanfic Writer" will never be complete. Angela: Which is absolutely meaningless if you haven't read it. >:/ Eslington: :( Angela: 8) Makoto: :P >Also,as for > why Akane is occasionally addressed as "-kun,"it AIN'T an error,since > she IS occasionally addressed to that way in Zen's "The Long And > Winding Road." Eslington: So it MUST be true. > > > As with any fanfic I write,comments concerning this lemon(no flames, > please)can be sent to yours truly at ranma_ukyou@xoommail.com, > michaelrhea@hotmail.com, RanmaandUkyou@excite.com, > Yahzu-Nii-Chuan@lycosmail.com,or sasukesarugakure@altavista.net.Minor > revisions made May 29,2000. Angela: I'm glad that's over. What now? Eslington: Well now would be a good time to switch back to prose format. * "Look! The north star!" said Makoto. "The fic's over," said Angela. "Sorry, habit." "Well, Nodoka," said Eslington, turning to the writer. "How was that?" "Good," said Nodoka. "But I think it'd be best to see other people's opinions on this." "Which they can tell me by e-mailing me at: Eslington@bigfoot.com" said Eslington. "I'd also like to thank my pre-readers, SD Ryukage, Maruchan, and of course, Nodoka Saotome." "Hey," said Makoto. "Are you going to apologise for writing such a lame ending as well?" "What ending?" asked Eslington. "I think he means this one," said Angela. THE END.