Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 (season 2) By RKoren "Spencer" 1030 (RKoren1030@aol.com) Legal stuff: MST3K is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains inc. Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev are property of SOFTX, Hajime Kanzaka, and Rui Araizumi, as well as Software Sculptors. Tenchi Masaki and Kamidake are property of Pioneer LCD and Masaki Kajishima. All references and special guests belong to their original owners. "The Discovery of 'Chibi-Usa's Lover'" is property of Jodie Lynne (jodielynne@hotmail.com) Experiment 15: "The Discovery of 'Chibi-Usa's Lover', by Florida Orange" Begin Theme song (Sung to the MST3K theme song) ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ In the far and distant future Way down in Deep Four-Two Worked an employee named Spencer Trace No different from me or you. Then along came a woman by the name of Bella A mean ol' gal. Yes, sir, An evil fella. She needed someone to be in her worst tests So she threw poor Spencer into space and ignored his protests. Spencer: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! Bella: We'll send him cheesy fanfics The worst, we can find! (La-la-la) He'll have to sit and read them all And we'll moniter his mind! (La-la-la) Now keep in mind he can't control When the fanfics begin or end (La-la-la) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his Anime friends! (Zwweeeeeooo!) ANIME ROLL CALL! KAMIDAKE! (Happy to be of service!) TENCHI! (Pleased to meetcha'!) LINA INVERSE! ('Bout time you got to me!) GOURRYYYYYYY! (Huh?) If you're wondering how he gets through it all Through all those crazy fics! (La-la-la) Just repeat to yourself that he has some guts And it's really just for kicks! Watch Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 (BWANNNGG) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [1...2...3...4...5...6... Bridge.] (The gang - Spencer Trace, Tenchi Masaki, Lina Inverse, and Gourry Gabriev - are sitting at the table, discussing among themselves.) Spencer: So guys... any new Haiku lately? (The lights dim and a spotlight shines above where Lina is sitting.) Lina: Fire blazes 'round/ The village - now a crater/ It's the Dragon Slave. (The light moves to Tenchi.) Tenchi: One girl to many/ For this humble Jurai Prince/ All I want is peace. (The others Applaud.) Tenchi: And it's the truth, too. (The spotlight is now centered on Gourry.) Gourry: ...First, a line of five/ Then, add seven syllables/ And then, add five more. (The others applaud.) Lina: Good one. Gourry: Heh, it was no simple task. (Finally, the spotlight is on Spencer. But before he can speak, Kamidake rolls in.) Kamidake: The light is flashing/ Madam Bella is calling/ I've done my part here. [DEEP 42] Bella: Hello, my lab rats/ Prepare yourselves for torture/ I got a new fic! Frank: The Florida Orange/ He wrote a sour Lemon/ That's just for starters... Bella: Because Jodie Lynne/ Despising it, through and through/ Made a revenge fic! Frank: "The Discovery/ Of 'Chibi-Usa's Lover'"/ It is... (pause) quite a fright! Bella: So get into that/ The-ater before I kill/ all of you right now! [SOL] (Klaxons blair.) Spencer: I GOT ONE! *Ahem* Klaxons are blairing/ The the-ater is open/ We got fanfic sign. (The others applaud as they all get up abd leave.) [6...5...4...3...2...1...Theater] ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ (The four enter and take their seats- From left to right: Gourry, Lina, Spencer, and Tenchi.) Tenchi: Well, I know Haiku is supposed to be used for descriptions and such. But, hey, who's complaining? >Ok Sailor Moon fans Lina: Hey, wait, I'M no fan. Spencer? Spencer: Five girls in short skirts... >I am writing this opinion with the scouts and myself in this to trash >the author of "Chibi-Usa's Lover" by Florida Orange. Gourry: Hey now, don't let good fruit go to waste. Lina: We all saw that one coming... >I was so upset after reading it that I had to write this... >So enjoy the trashing! ^_~ this is of course a hentai because of the >story as well as the foul language. Spencer: Well mother-@#$% it all to !@#$%$# hell! > The Discovery of the hentai "Chibi-Usa's >Lover" by FloridaOrange. > Trash talk by - the Senshi and Mamoru along >with Author, Jodie Lynne =0) Tenchi: Yep, we got Self-Insertion! Spencer: YYYAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! (Jumps up and releases a blaze of chi-energy. After a few seconds, he cools off and takes his seat.) Tenchi: Y'just had to get that outta your system? Spencer: Yep. >Chiba Mamoru was working away on his computer on his English III >homework when he decided to take a break.. Spencer (Singing): Gimme a break! Gimme a- OWWW! LINA! Lina: Want me to REALLY give you a "break"? Gourry and Tenchi (singing): Have you had your break today!? >He thought to himself *hmmm I think I will read some of the new hentai >on the Moon Romance Web sight =0) Gourry: Dang, Mamoru's got a big nose. Spencer: Big nose... in anime? I'll believe when I see it! >So I could get some more ideas on how to please my Usako. Not that I >need the help though but the homework is worth it! =0) Spencer (Mamoru, stupid): Duhh, huh huh. I make funny. Huh huh. Lina: That's TOO much like resorting to stupid love manuals a la Yota Moteuchi. >He laughed to himself as he clicked to the web sight and scanned down >the page to the five hentai stories that were on that week. He read >"If a Picture's worth a thousand words.." Gourry: Then a word is worth a thousand pictures! >by Sailor Mac first, she always comes up with some of the most >romantic and interesting stories, then he looked and saw the title.. > >Chibi-Usa's Lover by Florida Orange. Lina: And who in their right mind would love her? Tenchi: Exactly. >*Hmmmmm its probably a story with Elios and my future daughter. Its >nice that people are so interested in my daughter, Spencer: Though most aren't in a positive way... Tenchi: Heck, even if it was good; if anyone did a lemon featuring my daughter and some half-bit guy, I'd lop 'em vertically with the Tenchi-Ken! >even though she isn't even born yet, I might as well read it. * >(Ok folks here is the first part of the sick story.) Spencer: Break out the vernors! Others: ... >Ok, this is my first hentai story. Lina: ARGH! How many times do people say that line?! "It's my first story. I'm new at this!". WELL THAT AIN'T GONNA SAVE YOU FROM A DRAGON SLAVE STRAIGHT UP THE- Spencer: DUDE!! >Sorry if you think it's sick, but hey, if you were opposed to this >sort of stuff you should not be on a hentai page. > >Email me at FloridaOrange_99@yahoo.com and tell me what you think. >Hope ya like it! All: Doubtable. Spencer: And for the revenge fic to come after... All: Ditto. Spencer: It's been settled then. >Mamoru thinks to himself * Lina (Mamoru): I gotta get a blood test, there's no way she can be my daughter. Look at her for cripes' sake! >And he is giving me a warning but it can't be that bad! I mean… I >have found ones with all the Senshi doing it with Shingo (err >Sammy hehe) now that was sick! So this can't be that bad!* > >(Little did poor Mamo-chan know.. ) Spencer: Believe us, Mr. Chiba. There's always something even more bad. >Chibi-usa's Lover > By Florida Orange Gourry: So... a fruit from the southern part of the United States wrote this? Spencer: I would expect a lemon or a peach... >Mamoru smiled as his fifteen year old daughter walked into the living >room. Lina: Pretty soon, she'll fall into the pit of mutant allagators! Tenchi: I take it these dark riffs are gonna be thrown around during most of the viewing of the *viewing* of this lemon? Spencer: I would follow suit. But, hey, since she's older... WHOOHOO! BLACK LADY! Lina: Don't start, Spencer... >She returned his grin, thinking it nothing more than fatherly >affection. > How wrong she was. Lina (darkly): Her ol' man was a full fledged member of LAKACUA! Gourry: "LAQUACKQUACK"? Izzat supposed to be a club for ducks or something? Lina: Why do I bother? >Usagi was away on a business trip, so Mamoru was free to do what he >had been hugering to do for a so long. Just thinking about it he felt >himself get aroused. Tenchi (Mamoru): I-I'm gonna buy the biggest stuff-crust pizza I can get! > Not yet, he told himself. Soon, but not yet. > "Chibi-usa, come in here." Spencer (Mamoru): What's this I hear about you and the horse? > She skipped into his room and he restrained a gasp. Tenchi (Mamoru): What the hell are you doing with all that leather!? You march straight up to your room and wear something decent for a change!! >His daughter was so beautiful. She wore a pale pink blouse that was >pulled taut by her full breasts. They were almost as large as her >mother's and not yet done growing. She was wearing shorts, exposing >her long, shapely legs. Tenchi: See what I mean? (Mamoru) UPSTAIRS! NOW! >He beckoned her to come closer. Tenchi (Mamoru): C'mere, my dear. > Rising, he pulled her hard against him and kissed her, hard >and passionately. >His forced his tongue through her lush reds lips into her mouth. > "Papa!" Chibi-usa spuealed, Lina: How does one "spueal"? Tenchi: It's rather easy. >shocked, against his lips. > "My baby girl," Mamoru smiled. "I've always wanted to do >this. And now that you're finally old enough.. Spencer (Mamoru): I'm renting out your room and selling your car. >(end of the first part of the sick story.) > >"Oh my God!!! Lina (Mamoru as Kyle): THEY KILLED KENNY! >Florida Orange is gonna DIE!" Spencer (Mamoru as Mr. Garrison): HE'LL GO TO HELL AND HE'LL DIE! Gourry: Just how? With a name like that he probably get's alot of vitamin C in his diet. >screamed Mamoru as the whole apartment shook to his booming voice. Tenchi: Special voice over by James Earl Jones. >At that moment the phone rang. Mamoru still shaking with anger and he >answered the phone. Gourry (on the other line of the phone): HEY! Will ya keep it down in there!? Stupid young punks, always yelling 'n' screaming 'bout oranges... >"Hello ?!? *&%#$!" snapped Mamoru. > >"Mamoru Kun? Is that you?" asked Jodie Lynne Spencer (Mamoru): *&%#$!! Yes! >"Huh? oh sorry Jodie-Chan I didn't mean to snap at you. Tenchi (Mamoru): And bite your hands off. >I am just upset about the hentai I just found. Spencer (Mamoru): The proportions are all wrong, the anatomy is poor, and the pose and situation presented just doesn't float! >Its do disgusting! Tenchi (Mamoru): A herm... a cat... MADNESS! SICK, SICK, MANIACAL MADNESS! Gourry (Mamoru): It's icky and slimy and all that gooky stuff! >Its called Chibi-Usa's Lover… and it has me raping my own daughter! I >want to bash the author's head in!" Lina (Mamoru): And eat the sweet, orangey goodness inside! >said Mamoru still full of hatred towards Florida Orange. Gourry: Especially with pulp! Spencer: Hear, hear. >"Really… I remember that one.. I mean I am all for art and for people >to express themselves but that story is the sickest! Tenchi: Methinks Miss Lynne is exaggerating a bit here. Spencer: Nah. She's just an innocent... lucky. >Other authors write there hentai's with some class.. showing how >beautiful Sex is but this guy Ewwwww! All: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! >I want to hurt him! I still kick myself for reading the whole thing! > It was like * I can't believe I just read that!*" cried Jodie Lynne. Lina "I just can't believe you wrote this!" cried Lina Inverse. >"I couldn't even read it all! That Florida Orange must be one of >those sick fathers who rape there 7 year old daughters! Gourry: Here 7 year old daughters? >Or he is a 12 year old sicko who needs some professional help! Right >now." Said Mamoru. > >"Lets get the girls together so we can come up with a plan to get the >Fucking Pervert!" said Jodie Lynne. >"Yes.. we could all meet at the temple and you can come along too >Jodie… I mean you write fan fiction and you are just as angry about >this as I am. Lina (Mamoru): You could use your SI powers and we'll end up worshiping the ground you shi- Spencer: Uh-uh. >We can all pull our powers together and find a way to kick his sorry >ass!" laughed Mamoru. Spencer: Let our powers combine!! >"Yea! I'm game!" laughed Jodie Lynne. Lina: You are!? (Grabs a rifle and loads it.) Spencer: Hey, now. >"Alright I will meet you at the temple at 4 o'clock this afternoon.. Gourry: How about 10 O'clock? You could get Shinji the Assassin involved. >I will call the girls to have a meeting at the temple and I will tell >them what the sicko wrote about. Then we will all come up with the >perfect plan." Said Mamoru. > >"Ok Mamoru, thanks and I will see you later…. Sayonara." Said Jodie >Lynne. > >"Sayonara Jodie-Chan." Said Mamoru. All (Singing): Sayonara... Muyo... Iranaiii... >After Mamoru got off the phone with Jodie he called Rei. Spencer (Mamoru): Hello, I'm looking for a Ms. Hogg, first name: Ima. Gourry: Ima Hogg? (Everyone except Gourry starts giggling.) Gourry: Huh? >"Hello? This is the Hikawa JinJa Temple.." sighed Rei. > >"Hey Rei it's me Mamoru I need you to call all the girls, well except >for Usagi, I will call her…. Spencer (Mamoru): The rest I don't give a rat's ass for, anyway. >But I need you to get the others to come over to your temple at four >in the afternoon… we have to have a meeting." Said Mamoru. > >"A meeting? About what Mamoru kun?" asked Rei. Gourry (Mamoru): Oranges. Lina (Rei): Say what? >"I can't explain it over the phone…. Just get the girls over there….. Spencer: Yeah! Nuttin' like a good ol' orgy! Lina: Don't start... >and Jodie Lynne will be coming as well… you do know her don't you?" >asked Mamoru. Tenchi (Rei): Self-Insertion Girl? Sure! >"Yea I know her… she comes to the Temple a lot to pray, Spencer (Rei): Strangely, it involves a pentagram and beheading a chicken. >and she loves to read the Sailor Moon Mega's that I have.. she is so >much like Usagi." Laughed Rei. Lina: Just what we need... >"Come on Rei be nice.." Gourry: Like ice! Spencer: That'll suffice. >sighed Mamoru. > >"Alright but she and Usagi better not spend the whole time reading my >Megas! (comics)" Tenchi: "Megasu"? No, comics is "Manga" in japanese. >snapped Rei. Lina: And disconnected the phoneline. > * some things never change * thought Mamoru. > >"Just call everyone for the meeting… ok Rei." Said Mamoru (getting a >little annoyed) Lina: Well we are MORE than a little annoyed. >"Ok Mamoru Ok, thanks for calling.. good bye." Said Rei. > >"See yea later." Gourry: Alligator. >Said Mamoru. > >"Now to call my Usako." Said Mamoru. > >The phone rings at the Tsukino house and Shingo answers it. Tenchi (Shingo): Narosaka's roadkill jerky emporium! You make 'em fly, we'll make 'em fry! >"Hello what do you want?!" snapped Shingo (angry from being torn away >from his video game.) Spencer (Mamoru): Yes, I'm looking for a Mr. G. Rection, first name Hugh. Gourry: Hugh G. Rection? (Everyone except Gourry snickers.) Gourry: I don't get it... >"Yes this Chiba Mamoru… can I please speak with Tsukino Usagi? >Please?" asked Mamoru. Gourry (Mamoru): Pwetty pwease? Wit' Sugar on top? >"Yea sure, USAGI!!!!! PHONE!!!" yelled Shingo. > >Mamoru had to pull the phone away from his ear to try to stop Shingo's >voice from ringing in his ear. > >"I'm coming Shingo! Gourry: Dat's nasty... Spencer (Shingo): Well, make sure ya clean up!! >You don't have to yell…" sighed Usagi. > >"Here.. its your BoYfRiEnD =0P" Gourry: Whoa, Shingo's gettin' a little high there... >laughed Shingo as Usagi grabbed the phone away from him. > >"Mamo-chan…. Whats up?" giggled Usagi. Spencer (Mamoru): Me... *TWACK!* OWW! Lina: Bad boy... >"Oh Usako… we are having a meeting at the temple at 4 o'clock this >afternoon… I will pick you up at 3:45 ok." Said Mamoru. > >"Ok Mamo-chan, but why are we having a meeting my love?" asked Usagi. Gourry (Mamoru): Oranges. Lina (Usagi): Wha? >"I will explain on the way there my Usako." Laughed Mamoru. > >"Alright, I can't wait to see you at 3:45.. oh my gosh its 2 o'clock >already!! Spencer: It's 2 O'Clock! Others: WHUP! WHUP! Spencer: It's 2 O'clock and it don't stop! >I had better start getting ready! Good bye love… I will see you >later." Giggled Usagi. > >"Good bye Usako" laughed Mamoru. > >Now that everyone was coming Mamoru printed out copies of the whole >story for the others to read. That way they would all know how >terrible it was and so he didn't have to explain it to them all. Tenchi: Yep, the WHOLE paragraph! That's enough evidence... >And when he picked Usagi up at 3:45pm she read the whole story and was >quite upset. > >"I can't believe someone would write something like this!! Lina: The Lemon or the revengefic which contains it? Spencer: Yes. >You would never do such a thing! What kind of sick piece of trailer >trash wrote this! I want to knock him upside the head with my cutie >moon rod!" yelled Usagi. Spencer: Her WHAT!? Lina: Moon scepter, Spencer, Moon scepter. Spencer: Either way, with all those wands and canes, ANYTHING can be used as a... Lina: Stop right there. >"Well don't you worry Usako, the Senshi and I are gonna give him a >piece of our minds!" laughed Mamoru. Tenchi (Orange): DUDE! A fraction of your brains! Thanks! >Usagi giggled and that's when they reached the temple and everyone >were just walking in for the meeting. > >"Ok Mamoru what is this all about anyway!" snapped Rei. Lina: Yeesh, snap, snap, snap. I guess we know who the author doesn't like here. >"Well girls, I was reading some stories on the Moon Romance Web page * >he blushes a little and Usagi giggles * Lina: DAMMIT! If I have to hear that ditz giggle ONE MORE TIME I'LL... Spencer: WHOA! Lina, stay frosty! >and I came upon a nasty story! Gourry: EE! ECKY FOOMP! Lina: ... >* he >started to pass out the copies of the story to everyone and they all >started to read it…. And everyone started to gasp and cringe as they >read it.* Spencer (random scout): Jeez, Mamoru, get a better printer! I can barely read this! >Ami yelled " THAT MOTHER FUCKING BASTERED! How dare he write a story >like this about Chibi-Usa and Mamoru!" (Tears start to form in Spencer's eyes.) Spencer: M-my dear Ami-chan... what have they done to you...? (Breaks down in sobs.) >Everybody's eyes bugged out and they all looked at Ami in shock that >such language came from her! > >"Woo Ami, I didn't know you had it in yea!" laughed Minako. Lina: "Yea"? Hm, I guess that english accent sprouted out.. >* They all have sweat drops on there heads when they hear Minako's >remark * Tenchi: Hey, she's pulling a Gonterman! She's switched to script mode now! >"We've got to do something about this!" yelled Rei. Spencer (Random scout): Well, we can project it onto a theater screen and riff the whole thing... >"Yea I want to electrocute Florida Orange with my thunderclap!" said >Makoto with a evil glint in her eyes. > >"If only we could get our hands on the sick pervert! I wish I had >Powers like you guys, then I would make him suffer!" laughed Jodie >Lynne. > >"Yes lets make him suffer!" cried Usagi. *as she cuddled closer to >Mamoru * Gourry (Mamoru): Nyah, nyah! I'm gonna get sum' nookie! I'm gonna get sum' nookie! So you just take that cookie, and cram it up your- Lina: ELEMEKIA FLAME! <*FWOOMPH!!*> Gourry: Ouww... >"Ami, why don't you find him on your computer? I think if we find him >we can use our powers to bring him to us, then we will have our fun!" >laughed Mamoru evilly Spencer: Coo', he laughed evily, now he can explode and die in a puddle of his own gore! Tenchi: This ain't Hellstorm.. Thank Kami. >"I'm already on it Mamoru." Said Ami. As she typed away at her mini >computer. And she came upon his screen name =0) Tenchi: Y'know. I'm suprised she didn't type it down so she can encourage other people to flame him. Lina: Count thy blessings, O Prince Tenchi. Tenchi: And y'know I don't like being called that. >"Hey you guys lets transform! I found the little cock sucker!" >yelled Ami. Spencer (rapper): WHO DOWN WIT' O-O-C!? All: IT'S MER-CU-RY! Spencer: @#$% Yeah! >Moon Prism Power MAKE-UP! >Mars Power MAKE-UP! >Mercury Power MAKE-UP! >Venus Power MAKE-UP! >Jupiter Power MAKE-UP! Gourry: Wonder twin powers...* (Lina socks Gourry in the face before he can finish.) >And Mamoru pulls out a rose and turns into Tuxedo Kamen! Spencer: Y'know, it's a good thing they don't show a nude outline of his body. Lina: ARGH! BAD... MENTAL... IMAGE... Spencer... you... shall... pay... Gourry: Good Shatner impression. >"Wait! What about poor Jodie-chan!" cried Sailor Moon. > >"Yea what about her?" snapped Sailor Mars. Lina: And bit Usagi's head off. >"Why don't we make her a senshi for the day!" said Sailor Moon >happily. (Everyone groans.) Lina: Okay, I'll bet ten silver pieces she becomes Sailor Earth. Gourry: Sun, at 50 bronze pieces. Spencer: I'll say Sailor Earth, at 40 bucks. Tenchi: I'm betting 2'000 yen on the sun. >"Yea that would be cool! Lina (Venus): Nothing like another Sailor to steal the spotlight and ruin our image! >But how are we going to do that!" giggled Sailor >Venus. > >"We don't have to make her into a senshi she already is one." Said >Luna. All: Oy... >"Hey Luna when you get here? And How can Jodie be a senshi?" asked >Sailor Moon. Tenchi (Luna): Plot contrivance. "A long time ago there once was a warrior that protected the Earth >along side of Mamoru's Generals back in the silver millennium. She >never got to meet any of you because the Earth was not part of the >silver alliance. So that is why you don't remember her." Said >Artamis. Gourry: Okay, Artamis. You are you, and what did you do with Artemis? >Everyone said all together "Jodie Lynne is Sailor Earth!" Spencer and Lina: AHA! Spencer: Okay, guys. Hock it up! (Tenchi and Gourry grumble as they shell out thier losings.) >"Jodie say Earth Power make-up" said Luna. > >Earth Power MAKE-UP! > >And in a flash of purple light appeared Sailor Earth in a light violet >skirt and dark purple bows on her, her purple boots were laced up to >just a few inches above her knees. Lina: Arrg! Too much purple... Spencer: Omygod! It's Sailor Barney! (Everyone except Gourry starts screaming.) Gourry: I perfer Teletubbies myself. >And her long black hair was up in a ponytail trimmed with white, >purple and violet ribbons. Gourry: Hey, ain't purple and violet the same color? Lina: Good observation, you get a cookie. Gourry: WHOO-HOO! Spencer: And might I add, that Sailor Saturn wears the purple. 'Kay? Tenchi: Then what would be a good color for earth? Spencer: Well, concidering it's earth... I'd say a nice light brown. Or a earthly tree-green. >A white mask like tuxedo Kamen covered her dark brown eyes, making her >look mysterious, Spencer: Will the mystery avatar please sign in? Lina: Or out. >"Wow Sailor Earth!" said Sailor Moon happily. Lina (Sailor Moon): Pretty soon I'll be reduced to nothing more than a piss stain! I'm so happy! >"Totally Cool!" laughed Sailor Jupiter. Spencer (Serena): Wicked cool! Lina: Don't you dare say that again unless you want to be fire-balled into oblivion, Spencer Trace. >"But I thought I was Sailor Earth!" wined Tuxedo Kamen.. Tenchi (Tuxedo Kamen): I wanna wear the skirt and knee-high boots! >"You're the Earth Prince! Besides only girls can be a sailor Senshi!" >laughed Sailor Mars. Tenchi: Dunno, ever heard of Sailor Soulstone? Gourry: But I thought she was female! Spencer: She use to not be. >"Oh ,yea." mumbled Tuxedo Kamen in embarrassment. > >"Well what are we waiting for Sailors! Lets get the pervert!" laughed >Sailor Earth. Lina (Sailor Moon): Umm... y'know, I'm still the leader... I think. >Sailor Mercury typed some more on her mini computer and then she >said. Spencer (Sailor Mercury): Damn! 640K ISN'T enough! >"Ok you guys concentrate on Florida Orange... Gourry: But I've always heard that Florida Orange is NOT from concentrate... pure premium and stuff like that... >with your sailor powers and we will be able to suck him here through >our own portal! Hehe" giggled Sailor Mercury… Lina: AAAARRRRGHHH!! NOW SHE'S DOING IT! Spencer: Don't sweat, Lina. That's what Bella wants... >All the scouts and tuxedo Kamen had closed there eyes very tightly and >clenched there fists… they all started to glow white Tenchi: Hey, they're rippin' off DragonBall Z's trademark battle aura! Spencer: Hmm... the Suppa Senshi-jin... Lina: No, Spencer. >and that's when the >silver portal opened up above them…. > >~at Florida Orange's house~ Gourry (Florida Orange): BWA-HAHAHAHAHA! With my empire of Orange Juice, I shall rule the world!! >Florida Orange was busy masturbating.. while on the 10th porno sight >that day. Spencer: I don't think ANY of us wanted that. Tenchi: She's just releasing some pent-up fustrations towards Mr. Orange before the whole "revenge" thing picks up... >And then he was engulfed with the silver light so he quickly zipped up Lina: Unfortunately, the zipper didn't quite clear. Others: Ooooohhh.... >and the silver portal took hold of him. > >He then fell.. Fell.. Fell... Spencer (Professor from the beginning of "The Mole People"): Going down... down... down... >down a tunnel of silver light and then her hit the bottom…. Which was >the floor at the temple.. surrounded by six Sailor Scouts and one guy >in a tux! > >"What the fuck?! Where the hell am I?" yelled Florida Orange. Lina: You just said it, Mr. Orange. >"Your gonna be in hell quite soon… once we get through with you!" >laughed Sailor Moon. > >"Huh what I do?" said Florida Orange trying to look as innocent as >possible. Spencer: Compared to Hent-eye and Tsunai, he is. >Tuxedo Kamen stepped forward and picked Orange off the floor by the >front of is shirt and looked him strait in the eye.. and said. Tenchi (Tuxedo Kamen): Free O.J.! And where can I get some!? >"You wrote a story called Chibi-Usa's Lover... Spencer (Mamoru): And while I'm glad you hiked up her age as not to imply pedophillia; still, it involved me, my daughter, and engagements in incest which I do not take very well. Simply ask for it to be deleted from any websites you posted it on and we'll get on with our lives... capice? Tenchi (Orange): Capice! Gourry (Random scout): Let's all have ice cream! >We brought you here to pay for such a insult! You dare to write a >story like that! To have me rape my own daughter! Your one evil sick >piece of scum!! Spencer: Have you ever wondered if Mr. Orange and Miss Lynne ever got caught in a flame war? I mean, they're on the same server and such. Lina: Oh, that can be arranged... Spencer: No, Lina. >We shall rid the earth of you!" growled Tuxedo Kamen. Tenchi: Good luck... Gourry: Grrrr... grit those teeth! Spencer: Sure, a guy like Tux-boy is about as threatening as a retarded hamster on crack. >"There is no such thing as the Sailor Scouts! Its just a cartoon! >Get over it!" laughed Florida Orange. Spencer (singing): Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show", you should really just relax. Lina: Brought to you by Nav, Bane, Blizzard, and the rest of the Anti-Moonie crowd. Tenchi: Is it me, or ever since Nav stopped writing and Bane changed his website, the number of Anti-Moonies seemed to have dwindled. >"In your world its just a cartoon…. But in our world we exist!" >snapped Sailor Mars. Spencer: Well, there goes the fourth wall... Gourry: Bye-bye, fourth wall! Fourth Wall: Buh-bye, guys! (A small rumble shakes the theater.) Lina: And she still snaps. >"We fight for love and justice and live to dump trash like you!" >laughed Sailor Moon. All (singing): Fighting evil by the moonlight... dumping garbage by the daylight... >"Oh the blond chick says she's gonna hurt me… I'm so scared!" laughed >Florida Orange. > >And that's when Tuxedo Kamen punched him dead in the face! Gourry (customer): Hey! This orange is bruised! Tenchi (Kamen, lisping): I give you thuch a sthlap! >Florida Orange fell out of Tuxedo Kamen's grasp and fell to the floor >again holding his left eye and saying.. >"Dammm Man!" cried Florida Orange. Lina (Orange): Come fourth, Dammm Man! Save me!! >"Lets telaport out of the temple and go to the moon, that way nothing >on earth gets hurt. We will have lots of room to get him there." Said >Sailor Moon. Gourry: Words of wisdom to follow next time you cast a dragon slave, Lina. Lina: Erk... >SAILOR TELAPORT!! Yelled the scouts and they all landed on the moon Tenchi: That's one small step for man... one giant leap for revenge fics. >with Florida Orange in shock, Gourry: Jupiter was carrying him. >but he soon realized that his ass was gonna get kicked if he didn't >start moving soon. Lina: RUN, ORANGE, RUN! Spencer: But alas. Since the Moon had no atmosphere and thus no air- He soon died painfully from explosive decompression. >He started to get up… and ran for the nearest part of the ruins of the >moon castle when the second hit got him… Gourry (Second hit): Got'cha! >Sailor V Kick! Tenchi: ALL-MEN-BROTHERS-HAND-IN-HAND! Lina: LINA INVERSE SMASH! Spencer: GAINAX BOUNCE! Gourry: LIGHT COME FOURTH! >Yelled Sailor Venus as he kicked Florida Orange's ass Spencer: And got a sex change while she was at it... >and he went flying in the air for a good 10 feet! Gourry: Feh, Lina can hurl people farther that that. >He landed on his ass and he turned around and saw the scouts had lined >up so they could each get a fair turn at getting him.. Florida Orange >whimpered and got up and started to run again… Spencer (hick): WOO-WEE! Looka dat fruit fly! Tenchi (same): 'E mebbe a bad lemen 'riter! But he c'n run like d'wind!! >He got to run for about five feet and that's when Lina: The low gravity kicked in and he floated up and down helplessly. >Sailor Moon had come running up after him with her cutie moon rod! Spencer (Deadpan): Virgin Warrior flashback... >"If I use my powers I would kill you too quickly! I want you to >suffer for your crime!" yelled Sailor Moon. Tenchi: Now since when was she so sadistic towards any type of life? Ain't she supposed to be the sweetest and purest of 'em all? Spencer: Well, her choice on who gets to be healed and who gets to be dusted is pretty one-sided. Since, according to Miss Lynne, what Mr. Orange did was on the same level of wrongness as a Youma; he cannot repent and thus, gets dusted. Whereas Mistress Nine, who in fact was Sailor Saturn, seemed repentable and she tried to find a way to heal her instead of killing her. Tenchi: Mmmhmmm... >She then raised her cutie moon rod in the air happily and hit him hard >on the top of his head! Gourry (Moon as El-Kabong): El Kabong... awaaaaaaay! >He fell to the ground in a loud thud.. Sailor Moon laughed >triumphantly and yelled "NEXT!" Lina: Slayers Next. Spencer: Y'mean they're gonna take on ALL bad Sailor Moon Lemon writers? THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER!! >On hearing that Florida Orange got up again and started to run as fast >as your legs could carry him… Tenchi: Hey, leave us outta this! >he had made it behind a large piece of moon stone and he hid himself >behind it. Spencer: An intense game of Hide 'n' Seek! Gourry (Orange): Hey, a Clefairy! >JUPITER THUNDERBOLT CLAP! >MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE! Gourry: HIKARI O! Lina: DRAGON SLAVE! Tenchi: Uhmm... TENCHI-KEN! Spencer: HOOOOOOOO! >The scouts powers hit the moonstone and it was smashed to mere moon >dust! Florida Orange just stood there and yelled. >"Hey I thought you scouts didn't want to hurt a human!" Spencer: I mention my speech a while back. Gourry: Since when were fruits concidered human? Tenchi: Well it won't be long 'til this guy turns into a vegetable. >"Well we are making a exception for you! EARTH QUAKE!" Screamed >SailorEarth. Lina: Jeez, what an original attack name... >Purple shock waves flew to Florida Orange and hit him… he started to >shake like as if he was having a sesher! Gourry: Se... um, sesher? Isn't that some kind of cookie or whatever? Spencer: I think she meant "Seisure". Y'know, Florida Orange suffers from Epilepsy, so she just showed him an unaltered episode of Pokemon. >"Oh I love these powers!" giggled Sailor Earth. Lina: GGGAAAAHHH!! NO MORE GIGGLING! FIREBALL! (Lina hurls the ball of inferno at the screen, but it ends up bouncing off harmlessly and hitting Spencer instead.) Spencer: Ya' could've warned me first. >Florida Orange fell to the ground again but he got up and was shaking >his head trying to get his mind back into focus. Tenchi (Orange): Dammit, Mind, you'll get into focus and you'll like it!! >MERCURY BUBBLES BLAST! Lina: Yeah, that's effective... Spencer: C'mon, she has better powers than that! >"Wha? I can't see!" cried Florida Orange. Tenchi: I spy, with my little eye... Lina: An Otaku-made Senshi and a lemon writer that's gonna be feeding the worms with his corpse... >"Now's your chance Tuxedo Kamen!" giggled Sailor Mercury. > >Tuxedo Kamen ran to where the bastered was and he morphed into the >Earth Prince! Spencer: MORPHIN' TIME! Tenchi (Tuxedo Kamen): EARTH PRINCE! >He drew his sword and said. Spencer (Tuxedo Kamen as He-Man): By the power of Greyskull... I HAVE THE POWER!! >"For the love of the Earth and the moon! Spencer: And for the love of pizza... Lina: ...and gold... Tenchi: ...and hate... Gourry: and oranges... >I sentence you to death! How do you plea?" laughed Prince Mamoru. Spencer: If the glove don't fit, then he must aquit. >Florida Orange still looking around trying to see said… "Not Guilty! >I just wrote a stupid story to get turned on! You mother fu.." Gourry: He's gonna use Mother-Fu! Tenchi: Gonna put the SMACK DOWN on yo' ASS, mutta-foo! Lina (Mr. T): I PIDDY 'DA FOO! Spencer (Praying): Please not dear Fuu, please not her... >But prince Mamoru didn't let him finish.. Gourry: For he too, use Mother-Foo! >he ran Florida Orange through with his sword and the man fell dead and >his blood gushed out and mixed with the moon dust on the ground.. Spencer: Whoa, that Mother-Fu thing is fast! Tenchi: I gotta get me some o' dat Foo! Gourry: Man, that Earth Prince is one mean mother- Others: FOO! >The End =0) > >*my notes to all of you about this fic * Spencer (Jodie): I admit that this was not meant for a sorce of entertainment, not even a cheap form of it. And instead of MSTing it or simply complain about it to the author in a *mature* way; I created this here piece of high-fiber doodoo for my own self-gratification. Truely sorry, Jodie "Sailor Earth" Lynne. Tenchi: Not bad. >I don't normally go after another writer but Florida Orange's story >really ticked me off… Spencer: I pray you never get within a parsec of "Chibi-Usa loses her virginity". Tenchi: Or "Chibi-usa's 7th birthday". (A slight pause) All: Then again.... >and I wanted to have the fun in getting the scouts and mamoru in on it >=0) for you other writers out there.. don't worry I won't be doing >this again. Tenchi: Thank Kami for that... > >:) Gourry: +_+ Lina: >.< Tenchi: 9_9 Spencer: (_|_) Others: SPENCER! Spencer: She was asking for it since the first sentence! >And my thanks to all my fans who have stayed by me and I would like to >thank Mary Elizabeth for her imput =0) Lina: Okay, now we have THREE people to blame for this... >Please email me with your comments at Jodie1977@aol.com. Lina: You'll get comments all right. Spencer: Lina... (The four get up and leave.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- (1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge) (The four are at the table, discussing today's fic.) Spencer: Well... that... Lina: Sucked raw eggs, plain and simple. Tenchi: It was highly remenicent of West Virginian's revenge fic against Dark Sonic... Otaku-made Senshi, Characters acting OOC to the will of the author/avatar, little if no care for the fourth wall... Gourry: Except WV didn't talk about oranges. Tenchi: Er... yeah. Spencer: Well, I checked Mr. Orange's lemon to see what Miss Lynne was so pissy about. Tenchi: And? Spencer: I guess she had a right... The level of wrongness scale was pretty high on it, if not straight to the top. Tenchi: So... which is worse? Lina: Shh, you'll give Bella ideas. [DEEP 42] (Bella is looking over a printout of "Chibi-Usa's Lover") Bella: Oh, you can go find that out for yourselves... BACK IN THE THEATER! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (The lights immedeatly go out.) DAMN! [SOL] (Klaxons blair) Spencer: Crap! We got fanfic sign! ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 by: Spencer Trace (RKoren1030@aol.com) "The Discovery of 'Chibi-Usa's Lover'" by: Jodie Lynne (jodielynne@hotmail.com) Mystery Science Theater 3000 by: Best Brains Inc. Stinger: Everyone said all together "Jodie Lynne is Sailor Earth!"