MYSTERY SAILOR THEATER 3000: "SAILOR MOON: FANTASY!" MSTed by Sailor Mac (AmberSesht@aol.com) and Mark Berger (mberger8837@VAX2.WINONA.MSUS.EDU) Warning: Reading this fic over and over can cause discomfort in certain areas of your body. Your head and your stomach. Best Brains, Inc. and Toei Productions present. . . A Moon and Rose MSTing. . . Mystery Sailor Theater 3,000! MSTing by Sailor Mac and Mark Berger. Love Theme from Mystery Sailor Theater 3,000 (obviously to the tune of "Love Theme from Mystery Science Theater 3000") In the not-too-distant future Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Were hatching an Evil Scheme. They caught a girl called Sailor Moon Just a teenage girl who likes to sleep till noon Their experiment needed a good test case, So they signed up with the NegaVerse And shot her into space. (Get me down!) We'll send her cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find (la-la-la), She'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor her mind (la-la-la). Now keep in mind Serena can't control Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la), She'll try to keep her sanity With the help of her Sailor friends. Sailor Roll Call: Venus! Jupiter! Mercury! Maaars! If you're wondering how she eats and breathes and other science facts (la la la), Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax For Mystery Sailor Theater 3000!" --- Serena woke up. It was just like any other morning after a romantic night, with Darien, until she realized that she had woken up on a double bed, in a room strewn with underwear. She did the only thing that she could think of: She screamed. Next to her, Darien woke up, wincing in pain. DARIEN: Calm down, Meatb. . . What the heck happened to my bedroom!? SERENA (hugs Darien tightly): Darien, I have a feeling we're not in Tokyo anymore. . . (Elsewhere, Amy and Mina wake up in the same bed, in much the same position that Serena and Reenie often take up when they're sleeping in the same bed. Mina takes one look at Amy and starts screaming) MINA: AAAUUGGHH! It's finally happened! I'm actually *in* a Hentai Otaku fanfic! A Negacreep is going to come in any second and start tearing our clothes off. . . AMY: Mina! Mina! Get ahold of yourself! There's no Negacreeps and no Generals! And you're not in a lesbian lemon! MINA: No tentacles either? AMY: No. MINA: Then where the hell are we? AMY: I wish I knew. Finally, all of the Sailor Scouts and Darien assembled in what they figured was the main room of. . . wherever they were. Suddenly, the TV screen in front of them lit up and they saw a slightly-crazed-looking man appear in front of them. DR. FORRESTER: Good morning, my new specimens. I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, and I'm your host for however long I choose to keep you here. Thanks to the powers that Queen Beryl gave me, I can nullify your fun little 'Sailor Teleport' power and keep you on the Satellite of Love for as long as I want. SERENA: You'll never get away with this! DR. FORRESTER: I think I already have, Ms. Tsukino. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. . . physically. You are going to be subjected to the worst Sailor Moon fanfiction ever written. . . MINA: I don't suppose we can convince you to show us old sci-fi "B" movies instead. DR. FORRESTER: No, I'm doing that to another set of twits in the *other* Satellite of Love. Your fate shall be different. FRANK: You. . .are all. . .going. . .to die! Hee hee hee. . . FORRESTER: Frank! Shut up, or it will be painful. The clamps, Frank. The clamps. . .Anyway, my little Moonie loonie, you are not ONLY going to be subjected to the worst Sailor Moon fanfics ever written, you will be subjected to one of the worst Sailor Moon lemons ever written. . ." SERENA: If he shows us "Oceanus," I'm going to punish him. . . DARIEN: *You're* going to punish him? SERENA: WE'RE going to punish him. Remember - you weren't the only one who got horrendously abused in that one. MINA: I'd say you can count us all in. And then we're going to take out our remaining frustrations on the *author* of that wormy apple. DR. FORRESTER: Interesting though that might be, I think I'll skip on it for now. Perhaps later. No, this little pile of putrescent filth is written by the "Crystal Knight," and entitled, "Sailor Moon:Fantasy!" I'm a naughty boy, naughty naughty naughty!!! Now I'm going to send it to you, and, oh, before I do, have you all. . . ALL SCOUTS: Yeah, we have. DR. FORRESTER: Good. Send them the lemon, Frank. FRANK: Live to serve. SERENA: AAUGH!! WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIGNN!! <6><5><4><3><2> >Sailor Moon:Fantasy! [Hentai] SERENA: Do you think this will be anything like Fantasy Island? RAYE: Do you *really* want to see a lot of washed-up B-movie actors doing hentai scenes? LITA (as Mr. Roarke): Charo's fantasy is to get hot and heavy with William Shatner. . . ALL: EEEWWWW! >Episode:01 >"Serenity Get's Married!" >By the "Crystal Knight!" MINA: It can't be any worse than Costner's last flick. SERENA: Care to stake your life on that, Mina-chan? >Recommended for those 18 and over. SERENA: So why do we have to watch it? >Note: This Sailor Moon Fan Fiction Takes place >just after Sailor Moon:R! AMY: So why is Serena getting married in it? She's only 15 after Sailor Moon R. MINA: And what's with all the exclamation points? >All the Characters from the DIC version of Sailor >Moon will be used except Serena. DARIEN: Proving that this author is a DIC-weed. >Instead, Serenity will be used. This Fan >Fiction contain words RAYE (sarcastic): No! I thought it would be done as a rebus! SERENA: At least *that* would make some kind of sense. . . >and descriptions of nudity. AMY: I suppose it's too much to ask that this fanfic will contain any form of logic? >Read at your own Risk! LITA: Warning: Prolonged exposure to this fanfic may cause nausea, vomiting, and a nasty rash! MINA: Well, we already knew that - if it was good, would Forrester be sending it to us? Now >on to the >Story! > ~~~EPISODE:01 "Serenity Gets Married!"~~~ DARIEN: Author loses memory of all punctuation marks except exclamation points! > Serenity woke up at 8:30 am. I was saturday. MINA: It wasn't the first time I had thought I was a day of the week, and I knew it wouldn't be the last time. . . >When Serenity woke up, she was >not wearing anything. Her Panties were on the floor along with her Bra and >the other clothes. AMY: What's with the capitalization of Serena's clothes? > Serenity went to the dresser drawer and opened one of the >drawers. Inside were a bunch of panties. There was many to choose from. LITA: Unfortunately, there was one pair missing, because Sammy had stolen it... RAYE: Eeeww! *Please,* can we have *no more* "Virgin Warrior" flashbacks! She >saw a pair of satin panties that had Rabbits and Moons. She got the pair out >and slowly put them on. Then she put a bra on. She got one of her many bunny >tee shirts. Then she got several pairs of shorts out. Serenity put one pair >on. The others she put in her book bag. She also did the same >for several pairs of panties. Now she put on some socks and shoes on and went >down stairs. DARIEN: No one will be seated during the suspenseful dressing and packing scene! Her mother greeted her daughter. >Mrs. Tsukino: "Hello, Serenity good morning! happy birthday!" SERENA: So now, even my *mom's* calling me Serenity!? Geez. MINA: It's a bad lemon, Serena. Just go with it. >Serenity: Thanks mom. That reminds me. I have to go to the temple today. >Serenity grabs >a piece of toast and ran out the door with her book bag. RAYE: Pick a tense and stay with it, Crystal Knight! She ran to the >temple all the way. Once she got there the others was waiting. Raye >spoke up. RAYE: "This fic sucks like an Electrolux," Raye said. MINA: Yeah, and it does the Hoover hum. >Raye: Good morning Serenity! Happy birthday. >Amy: Happy birthday! >Lita: Happy birthday Serenity! >Mina: Happy birthday, Princess! >Serenity: Thanks guys. Were's Darien? DARIEN: I *were* trying to avoid appearing in this literary train wreck. >Raye: "He had to go out of town for a few days, but he wanted to tell you >happy birthday." Serenity looked down. Serenity just sat there on the steps >of the temple and looked depressed. LITA (as Serena): Oh, poop! Another lousy author! Sexylyon, wherefore art thou? >A couple of hours passed and Suddenly for no reason, Serenity stood up. Her >body tensed tightly. She felt him coming. LITA: Whoa! Lemon already? Didn't we skip over something? MINA: I sure hope he cleans it up. >Serenity: "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" Raye and the others were >surprised. >Serenity: "Shit! I pissed all over myself again!" MINA: You *swore,* Serena!? SERENA: Apparently, this Crystal Knight character is taking the 'Sailor' part of 'Sailor Moon' seriously. >Lita: "You should have gone to the bathroom and peed there insted of all over >yourself." >Serenity: "I could help my self. SERENA: . . .but I'm not going to. >I had no control over my body. It seems when >Darien draws closer my body tenses tightly. I pee all over myself. (ALL laugh) DARIEN: That would make for some embarrassing situations when fighting youma. RAYE: She's Stan from South Park! SERENA: (as Stan) Cartman, quit fartin' fire! >I get >sweaty. My heart pumps faster. My blood pressure rises. My pussy cums all >over my panties. LITA: (as Serena) Oh, Tuxedo Mask, you came! And so did I! MINA: How many of you saw that coming? ALL: Right here. It's like my body responds to his appearance. And it is >doing just that now." Raye and the others were shocked. Serenity shorts was >wet at the crotch. She was still cuming and peeing all over herself. SERENA: (as herself, in the fanfic) This is *so* embarrassing. Every time he comes around, so do I! MINA: What goes around comes around. SERENA: What punnishment. . . >She was >also nervous. Darien finally showed up. Serenity's body throbbed at Darien's >arrival. She was happy to see him. Serenity couldn't move. She just stood >there frozen, and just smiling ather prince. RAYE: Ather? Now he's just making up words as he goes along! >Darien: "Happy Birthday sweetheart! My beloved >Meatball head!" Darien had two gifts in his hands. DARIEN: A gun and a hand grenade, for her to use on Crystal Knight. SERENA: Oh, Darien, you always know the perfect birthday presents! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Get a room! SERENA and DARIEN: This *IS* a room! >Serenity answered back. >Serenity: "Hello Muffin! Thank you!" Serenity was still in excitement, but >she was slowly returning to normal. >Darien: "Serenity, why are you shorts wet?" SERENA: What're you doing, Amy? AMY: Writing down all the inconsistencies with human anatomy and physiological responses for later reference. MINA: Wow, that'll be a *long* list from just what we've seen so far. AMY: Mmm-hmm. I hope I don't get writer's cramp. >Serenity: "I will talk to you about it later. Raye can I change in your >bathroom?" SERENA: I want to change for an author that occasionally makes sense. >Raye: "yes, go ahead. Lita go with Serenity and help her get cleaned up, >please?" LITA: If this turns into a lesbian lemon, I say we trash the theater. SERENA: I'm with that. >Lita: "Sure. come on Serenity." Lita and Serenity >go into the restroom. Serenity took off her shoes and her shorts. Then she >took off her panties which were completely soaked with Serenity's Cum juices. >Lita took the soaked panties and felt them. They were totally sticky. LITA: That's it. JUPITER THUNDER. . .CRASH! (Nothing happens) The hell? VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Oh, I forgot to tell you. *None* of your Scout powers will work in the theater. Have a nice day. LITA: You will PAY for this, you little toad. When we get out of this, we're going to capture you, hog-tie you, and force you to read the complete works of Oscar! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Been there. Done that. >Lita: "I don't understand why your body would lose control like that." >Serenity: "It's like my body is reacting by causing those strange impulses. MINA: (as Serena) It's like the author is reacting to some strange impulses. >It does feel good to me." >Lita: "How many pairs of shorts and panties do you go through in a day?" Lita >asked another question as she washed off Serenity's golden blond pubic hair >around her clit. RAYE: As opposed to the pubic hair growing on her elbows. . . >Serenity: "It depends on how many times Darien and I meet. The more we meet, >the more I have to change." Serenity was totally cleaned up. Serenity then >put a new pair of panties and another pair of shorts. Serenity then put her >shoes back on. RAYE: Serenity then went postal, grabbing a gun and mowing down everyone in the temple. DARIEN: Little dark today, Raye? SERENA: Why yes, Muffin - didn't you look out the window? Lita and Serenity went outside. >Darien: "Are you okay sweetheart?" >Serenity: "Yes, I am fine." >Darien: "Here Serenity. Happy birthday!" Darien handed his two gifts. One was >large the other real small. Serenity open the large gift first. Serenity >opened it. DARIEN: Brought to you by the department of redundancy department. It was Several books about famous Princesses throughout history. >Serenity >then opened the small box. Inside was a littler box that came open. Inside >was a wedding ring. >Serenity: "A wedding ring?" Serenity was surprised. >Darien: "Yes, a wedding ring. Your father felt that >it was time that you were old enough to marry. ALL SCOUTS, DARIEN: NANI!?!!? MINA: That's news to me - last I saw he nearly went ballistic just for Serena telling him that Darien was her boyfriend! SERENA: Don't remind me. . . AMY: Plus, she's not even old enough to get married *with* parental consent in most places. >So that is his gift to you is >that we can get married." Darien takes the box that has the wedding ring and >Darien also takes Serenity's left hand and proposes to her. >Darien: "Serenity, my Princess, will you marry me?" Serenity didn't have to >think. She spoke up. RAYE: (as Serena) GET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT OF THIS FANFIC! I WANT MY LAWYER! SERENA: Never let him see you sweat, Raye - that's what he wants. >Serenity: "Yes, I will marry you! I love you!" Darien then puts the ring on >her left hand. >Darien: "The Marrage will take place tomarrow at 5:00 pm. Let's go. Your MINA: If it's a marrage, than what's real in this world? SERENA: The entire world is a mirage! >father said you can go ahead and move in with me." MINA: We'll get married in a nice little town in the U.S. called Las Vegas. SERENA: Viva Las Vegas! >Serenity: "Okay lets go." Darien opened the car door for his bride to be. >Then he gets it and they take off for Serenity's home. MINA: But when they got there, everyone was dead - OH, the HUMANITY!!! AMY: That's another fanfic, Mina. >Once there, Darien and Serenity moves all her stuff out of her room and >loads it into his car. Once they had all the stuff, they take off for >Darien's apartment. One there, they unload everything and Serenity puts all >the clothes away in her dresser drawer which was moved eariler by Darien and >Mr. Tsukino. After they were done Darien made dinner for his Princess. >The ate by candle light, which she loved. LITA: The *what* ate by candlelight? HELLO? We have a MISSING WORD HERE! RAYE: It's just a bad lemon. You should really just relax. . . After dinner, they sat together on >the couch. For a while, they just stayed close. Then Serenity got up and >spoke to Darien. >Serenity: "Darien, please love me." >Darien: "I already been loving you." AMY: (as Darien) It wasn't the first time I had thought I was an action, nor would it be the last. . . >Serenity: "That's not what I meant. I meant that my body must be loved and >played with. take off MINA: (as Serena) . . .and never come back!! SERENA: I'd love to tell this author to do *exactly* that. . . >my clothes and she what treasures await beneath my clothes. DARIEN: (as Ron Roddy) It's a NEW CAR! (All imitate cheering noises) >You must love me >emotionally and sexually. It's what I need." Darien got up and lead her to >their bedroom. There was a larger bed that replace Darien's old bed. >Darien: "Sure, I will love all of you." RAYE (dumb voice): I will hug her and kiss her and call her George. Darien reaches down and unties >Serenity's shoes and also takes off her socks. DARIEN: What is this with the author's obsession with shoes and socks? SERENA: Probably the same as your obsession with. . . never mind. >Then he goes up and startsto >take off her shirt. Serenity lifts up her arms, so her shirt will come off >easier. Darien then moves for her bra. It unsnapps her bra. DARIEN: It? I'm an *it*? Who do you think I am, Oscar? SERENA: (breathlessly) No, my *bra* unsnaps my bra. See, this author created the Magical Undressing Underwear and. . . MINA: Give it a rest, Serena. Serenity's >breasts flop out of her bra as Darien >takes Serenity's bra off. SERENA: Darien, what are you doing wearing my underwear? RAYE: This author has just managed to use the word 'bra' more times in one paragraph that in the entire Victoria's Secret catalogue. Serenity's breasts were >the size of small apples. AMY: The small apples. . . No, I can't finish that one. OTHERS: Thank you. >Her breasts were nice, firm and round. Serenity's >nipples were hard. Darien then moved down for Serenity's shorts. He unsnapped >her shorts and unzipped them. He lowered her shorts until they hit the floor. >For the first time, Darien had seen Serenity's panties. SERENA: Can we say, *lots* of redundancy here? MINA: (quoting Dragonlance 1st edition) 'And here we have the signal bell which alerts the operator that the engine overload siren has activated.' >Serenity: "Do you like my panties?" >Darien: "Yes, I do." Darien then took his hand down the front of her panties. >Serenity oohed and aahed has he rubbed her pubic hair. Darien >then took both of his hands and got ahold of the strings of Serenity's bikini >panties and started to slowly and gently pull down her panties. He noticed >her pubic hair was exposed ans AMY: But the question was still a mystery, so exposing the ans had no real effect. SERENA: That was weak, Amy. AMY: But we'd gone six lines without a good riff. >he slowly lowered her panties. He briefly >stopped to look at the crotchliner area of Serenity's panties. >He felt of them. They were wet in the crotch area. >Then he continued to lower her panties. RAYE: It has now taken him about FIVE HOURS just to take her panties off, folks. SERENA: Make that ten lines without a good riff, Amy. >Her panties were not around her knees >all curled up. LITA: They were hanging over the bar at Hogs 'n' Heifers. >Darien felt the satin panties he had taken off of her. Darien continued to >pull down Serenity's panties until they reached her ankles. Then he lifted >vher feet and took off her panties completely. RAYE: Twelve hours later. . . >She looked down at her >nakedness >and was happy. She wasn't embarrased that he took off her clothes. MINA: She was embarrassed by the clumsy prose and unromantic, third-grade mentality of the author. >Serenity: "Do you like what you see? Is my body pleasing to you?" >Darien: "Yes, very much." Darien then put Serenity on their new bed and he >looked at her Pubic hair. It was golden blond just like Serenity's hair on >her head. He started rubbing her golden pubic hair. SERENA: (as an Orc in Warcraft II): I would not do such things if I were you. . . My tummy feels funny. . . 'Scuse me. MINA: Good reverb. I'll give it an 8. >Her pussy lips were >swolen shut. >He gently opened her pussy lips until he could get his fingers >into her clit. DARIEN: I think it's pretty safe to assume that our author has never been with a woman. RAYE: I think it's pretty safe to assume that our author has never even *seen* a woman. He thwn took off his clothes LITA: I'll buy a vowel, Pat. >and got on top of her. He rubbed >his penis on her clit. She moaned for >joy as he rubbed her fragile pussy. RAYE: Her private parts are made of glass! He then entered his penis into her >vaginia and began to move his penis in and out of the her vaginia. AMY: (dead-on impersonation of Forrest Gump) Ah think Ah know someone from Vaginia. MINA: Good impression, Aims. SERENA: And this author continues to demonstrate the sexual knowledge of a fifth-grader. >Serenity >continued to moan with excitement was he increased in speed and motion. AMY: Redundancy, thy name is Crystal Knight. SERENA: How many riffs are we going to get on this author's lousy prose? MINA: We're going to keep on doing it long after it ceases being funny. SERENA: Good. Glad to hear we're on the same wavelength. >Serenity: "Please don't stop, love me more!" MINA: (as Serena) I'm paying you by the hour, dammit! >Serenity moaned with happiness >as he was fucking her. Serenity's clit and vaginia became to ooze out her >natural love juices DARIEN: As opposed to the love juices with preservatives and additives > in response to >the wonderful feeling. For a couple of hours had passed since he started SERENA: Hmmmm. . . DARIEN: Oh, God. . . >fucking her. MINA: What I want to know is, does anybody know a *less* romantic synonym for sex? LITA: Shagging? Schtupping? > She was very excited. She was hot. He began to rub Serenity's >breasts. She increased her moaning in >response to her excitement. Finally he had stopped. MINA: WHAT!? That's it!? They just stopped? AMY: Clearly, this author has no familiarity with human anatomy whatsoever. SERENA: Either that or he's a flametroller and he wants to see how many people he can offend. OTHERS: He's succeeding. >He got up and started to >stroke the hair on her head as she was returning to normal. Serenity got up >from the bed and moved towards >the bathroom. She got cleaned up. Darien did the same. AMY: As opposed to getting even dirtier. >Afterwards they >decided to go to bed. >Serenity slept in the nude again as she always did. SERENA: Ah, guys, last time we had a sleepover, what was I wearing? MINA: Your bunny pajamas, same as every time we have a sleepover. SERENA: Thought so. >Darien was surprised that >Serenity slept nude. He always did the same every night. Serenity fell asleep >with her pubic hair touching >Darien's butt. LITA: And the rest of her body in the kitchen. >She remained like that for the rest of the night. SERENA: And then she left and never looked back. AMY: Unlike us, who are being forced to stay in this fanfic, like it or not. > The next morning Darien had woken up. Serenity was up in her panties that >Darien had removed the night before and she made some breakfast that she had >learned in school. RAYE: She passed cereal pouring and milk-carton opening. Unfortunately, she flunked toast-making big-time. SERENA: Don't even *think* it, pyro. . . >He got up and put on his underwear and had found her in >the kitchen. LITA: (as Darien) My underwear is female, and I keep it in my bread drawer. Serenity had no bra on yet. Finally the breakfast was done and >They ate together, side by side. After wards they went back to the bedroom >and Serenity took off her panties that she worn the day before. She spoke up. RAYE (as Serena): Will you please kill me now? I can't stand the agony of being in this fic a second longer. >Serenity: "Will you pick out the clothes that you want me to wear for the day >and dress me?" SERENA: On second thought, I'm fifteen years old, I'll dress myself. >It was an unusual request, but he did it. He looked in her drawers and found >matching pink panties and bra set. He got a pink dress from the >closet. From a drawer he also got a long slip. SERENA (hopeful): Is it a pink slip!? Can I get out of this fanfic now? >Darien also got Knee highs and >put them on her first. Next, he put on her bra. Then he put on her >silk pink panties on her. Then he put her slip on her. LITA: Oh, the suspense! Oh, the tension! My God, I'm at the edge of my seat waiting to see how this scene ends! >Then he helped her get >into her dress. He zipped it up. He then put some pink high heels on her >feet. SERENA: What's with all this pink? I want to be married in white! Amy, do me a favor and write this down so Darien's got notes on what not to do at our wedding. >He gently twirled her around. He took her to a mirror and showed her. >Darien: "How do you look?" RAYE (as Serena): Like a goddamn Barbie doll. Now clear out of the way and let me dress myself like a human being! >Serenity: "Like your bride to be!" Darien hten got dressed and the left for >the place of the wedding. > > For hours they prepared. Finally Serenity had to prepare for the wedding. RAYE: So what were they preparing before? Chocolate chip cookies? >Serenity put on her wedding dress which was her Moon Princess dress. Soon Her LITA: Apparently, Serena has now become a deity. SERENA: Haven't you ever been to the Church of Tsukino Usagi website? >father escorted her down the center of the church. Soon the two were side by >side. >Minister: "Do you Darien Chiba take Serenity Tsukino to be your lawful wedded >wife? To cherrish and to hold in sickness and in health LITA: And crummy fanfics as long the two of >you shall live and death do you part?" >Darien: "I do." >The Minster asked the same to Serenity. She answered. >Serenity: "Yes, I do!" SERENA: Finally, something in this fic that isn't totally off-the-wall. >Minster: "With the power of the goverenmet of Japan, AMY: (as Darth Vader) Do not underestimate the power of the goverenmet of Japan. MINA: (as Luke Skywalker) I'll never join you!!!! >I now declair you Mr. >and Mrs. Chiba. You may kiss the bride. Darien lifted up serenity's veil and >kissed her. Then they moved together outside as seeds and rice were scattered >by every body. Serenity and Darien both laughed. MINA: . . .Maniacally as they pulled out submachine guns and shot the author so full of holes that he won the next Mr. Swiss Cheese competition! SERENA: (as Lo Wang) Everybody dead. I like that. AMY: Did you notice something missing on that statement? SERENA: An ending quotation mark? MINA: A quarter-ounce of sense? >Now was time for the reception. SERENA: Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party. >NEXT EPISODE: "Serenity's Wedding reception!" ALL SCOUTS: "There's more!?" >Completed: 11/06/97. SERENA: "Oh, good - let's get out of here." SERENA: November Sixth, a day that will live in infamy. . . SERENA: Not *that* bad so far. SERENA: (sweatdrops) What? What'd I say? I just meant that even though it's wretched, hideous and lacks any redeeming social value, at least none of us has been tentacle-raped or something really stupid like that. I still wish we could use our powers, so we could get out of here. AMY: (thoughtful) Dr. Forrester mentioned that there was another Satellite of Love. I wonder if we could get into contact with them and maybe pool our efforts to get out of this situation. (begins to type on her minicomputer) DARIEN: (groans) I had the most horrible dream. . . I dreamed that a bad lemon author did a travesty about our wedding. SERENA: Hate to tell you, Muffin, but it's not a dream. Hey, Amy, while you're on-line, can you tell me who else has done a fanfiction about our wedding? AMY: When are we getting married? (SERENA looks at her, horrified) AMY: Sorry, reflex. No, seriously, there's "Celebration" by Chris Davies, "Tsukino en Requiem" by Scott Weisenmeyer, "Usagi and Mamoru's Love: Blossomings" by Lianne Sentar, "Blush" by Kawaii Tenshi, "Family Ties," also by Kawaii Tenshi, and "The Wedding" by Mark Berger. SERENA: Why two different stories by Tenshi? AMY: Because the first one is a lemon. Don't worry, though, it's not a bad one. Ooh, read this one . MINA: A bad story!? From Tenshi? I should hope NOT. AMY: Pandora Diane Waldron should do one. MINA: A wedding story or a lemon? AMY: Both. She's one of those writers who, if she chose to do one, could potentially elevate the lemon to art. DARIEN: Well, chances are she'll do a wedding story as part of "The Rose Garden." SERENA: I can only hope. I *LOVE* "The Rose Garden," it's so romantic. . . RAYE: Now what are we going to do about this Forrester character? (Flashing lights, buzzers, etc.) SERENA: We'll have to figure that out later, because WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIIGN!!!