<6><5><4><3><2> >Sailor Moon:Fantasy! [Hentai] > >Episode:02 >"Serenity's Wedding Reception!" >By the "Crystal Knight!" SERENA: . . . The Ed Wood of bad lemons. MINA: No, wait a second, that 'honor' goes to Hentai Otaku. >Recommend for those 18 and over. >Note:This fan Fiction contains words LITA: Most of which make no damn sense >and descriptions of Nudity. SERENA: None of which make any damn sense. >Read at your >own risk! Now on to the story! SERENA: Must we? DARIEN: Once more into the breach, my love. > ~~~Episode:02 "Serenity's Wedding Reception!"~~~ > Darien and his bride Serenity. They had just gotten married. SERENA: And if this fic were any good, that would be cause for celebration. >They were now >at the reception hall. Serenity's mom and dad >were there. Serenity's mom had tears in her eyes. RAYE: (as Mrs. Tsukino) How dare this author abuse my daughter like this! >Sammy was there too. Sammy >couldn't believe that his sister had grown up a lot. >Sammy: "You have grown up Serenity." >Serenity: "Thanks." MINA (as Serena): Now give me back my. . . SERENA and RAYE: NO MORE VIRGIN WARRIOR FLASHBACKS!!! >Raye: "I am happy for you. Darien I ask you to love and take care of her." >Darien: "I already have." Darien looks at his bride and smiles. Serenity knew >what he had said to Raye. MINA: And she couldn't wait to kick him in the teeth for it. >Next Darien and Serenity open all the gifts they >were given to them. Most of the gifts were things that they would need. DARIEN: The rest were gift certificates to the Sharper Image. SERENA: Toaster. . . Toaster. . . Oh, look honey, just what we need - another toaster! >Next >the wedding cake was cut. The cake was made of chocolate With Yellow >frosting. MINA: It's new, improved With Yellow frosting. Look for it in your grocer's freezer. RAYE: Unfortunately, someone had impregnated it with anthrax. . . SERENA: Wishful thinking, Raye? >Afterwards Darien and Serenity was given passes to a resort from >Serenity's parents. They had saved money to give their daughter a nice >honeymoon. After that Darien and Serenity went to Raye's temple. Raye took >Serenity into the other room. LITA: And said, "How dare you marry him? What about all the passionate nights that you and I OOOOOWWWWW!" (Raye has Lita's ponytail in both hands and is yanking it) RAYE: And if you *ever* make a remark like that again, I will *cement* your ponytail to the floor. >Raye: "What did Darien mean eariler about he has already taken care of you?" >Serenity: "Last night he took off my clothes." >Raye: "Did he take off your panties and bra too?" >Serenity: "Yes." >Raye: "Did he have sex with you?" >Serenity: "Yes." >Raye: "Did it feel good?" >Serenity: "Yes it did." DARIEN: Penetrating, insightful interviews with today's top newsmakers! It's "Larry King Live," on CNN! RAYE: Am I being made to look like an idiot? Yes. Am I pissed off? Yes. >Raye: "Maybe Me and chad should have sex together. SERENA (as Raye): As opposed to having sex in separate rooms, like we usually do. >He does love me. He told >me himself." MINA: All right, bucko, this one's gone far enough! VENUS STAR POWER!! (nothing happens) Oh, yeah. Can't use our powers in the theater. Jerk. VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: It was a nice try, though. I'll give you an 'A' for effort. MINA: You'll pay for this, you lab-coated weasel. We're going to capture you, strap you to a chair and force you to read the complete anti-fics of Nav. VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Been there. Done that. >Serenity: "Maybe you should. Let's re-join the others." >Raye and Serenity rejoin the others. Luna and Artemis both waved goodbye to >the Princess. LITA: They were off to go co-star in the latest Oscar epic. SERENA: (as Luna) Well, we got out of this fanfic just as quickly as we came in. MINA: (as Artemis) But how are we waving to them - we're cats! >Darien picked up his bride gently and set her in the right >front passinger's side of his car. RAYE: As opposed to the left rear passenger seat of his car. SERENA: Hey, waitasec - this is Japan, shouldn't the *left* front be the passenger side? >Darien and Serenity waved good bye. A >couple of hours later Darien and Serenity checked into the hotel of the >resort. MINA: If it's like everything else in this fanfic, it's the hotel of *last* resort. >Darien and Serenity were shown to their room. Their suit cases were brought >up. Darien gave the bellhop a 10 dollar tip. LITA (as Darien): Put this on Small Wonder in the 10th race. AMY (as bellhop, under breath): Cheapskate. >Bellhop: "Thanks. Good day to you both!" >Darien shuts the door. Serenity speaks up. DARIEN: I think we've just reached a milestone. That may very well be the 100th time our author has used the phrase "Serenity speaks up." SERENA: He wins. . . a Moon Scepter Elimination where the sun don't shine! >Serenity: "I am going to take off this wedding dress!" Serenity >takes off her dress and her slip. Then only things that were left on her was SERENA: (as dying diner guy in Spaceballs) Oh no. . . not again. AMY: (as Lamika in Vampire Hunter D) Kill me, kill me now! MINA: You did NOT have to remind me of "Sailor Moon V." Some of that story was good, but I would NEVER let my curiosity run away with me to that kind of extent. AMY, RAYE, LITA: Did you *have* to remind me?. . . AMY: I don't think I'll ever look at Vampire Hunter D the same way ever again. Which is a shame - that really was my favorite movie. >her panties, her bra, her knee highs and her High heel shoes. RAYE: And her tattoos and nipple rings. >She then puts >on the dress that Darien had put on her. She then sat on the bed. She opened >her legs wide so Darien would notice her panties. She sat there for a long >while just doing that. Darien asks her a question. LITA: (Tough cop voice) Where were you on the night of August 12? >Darien: "Yesterday, when you wet yourself, how did you know >I was coming to Raye's temple?" DARIEN: Here we go again. Brace for impact, girls. >Serenity: "Well I started to tense up. I started peeing in my shorts and >panties uncontrolibly. I started to sweat. My heart started to beat faster. SERENA: No, actually that was what the author was doing. DARIEN: How do you really know whenever I'm coming? SERENA: (in a tone that suggests beautiful danger) I'll explain that later, Muffin. OTHERS: GET A ROOM! >My blood pressure went up. And my pussy cummed all over my panties. My body >throbbed as you >approached. Even my pussy was trobbing, SERENA: I'd like to borrow Corinn's Space Sword and 'trob' this loser's head off. VOICE OF SAILOR URANUS: I'll gladly lend it to you for such a noble purpose. >giving off a sensation that I >couldn't control. SERENA: Because the author's controlling it, and he thinks it's cool to make me look like a pathetic little freak who can't control her own bodily functions. >I was also nervous. It's like my body was responding to >your arrival." AMY: The recap, for those of us with the sense or the freedom of choice to skip the prologue. >Darien: "Can I test you?" SERENA: NO! I *hate* tests! >Serenity: "Sure, let me put some jeans on." Serenity took off her dress and >put on a pair of chic jeans. She zips them up. >Serenity: "Go somewhere. Don't tell me when you return. Be gone for about an >hour or so." MINA (as Serena): That should give me enough time to get packed and get out of this lousy fanfic. >Darien: "Okay, bye sweetheart." Darien kisses his wife goodbye. Serenity >decided to relax for the time being. Darien had gone out and purchased >something for his wife. He started to return. Serenity then suddenly jolted >up and her body began tense up. She then pees uncontrolibly. MINA: You know, that part *really* could be avoided just by using the can. SERENA: The author already discarded that possibility way back up there. I guess he's got some kind of urination fetish. >Serenity >starts to sweat. Serenity takes off her bra. Her breasts were firmed up. Her >nipples had gotten hard. Her heart starts to beat faster. Her blood pressure >rises. Serenity's pussy begins >to cum all over her panties. Her whole body throbs. Even her pussy throbs >causing a wonderful sensation. RAYE: Do we HAVE to go through this full description EVERY SINGLE TIME? We've already established a LONG TIME AGO that she has as much control over her bodily functions as a six-month-old. SERENA: If that. >She moans due to the reaction of her body. >Darien opens the door. >Darien: "I have returned!" LITA: He's General MacArthur! Serenity couldn't answer. Her body had taken >control. >Darien: "So it is true what you said." DARIEN: Stove Top Stuffing really *is* much better than potatoes! He notices the crotch of >her jeans has a larger wet spot on them. Even larger than before. >Darien: "May I unzip your pants and take a look at your pussy?" LITA: President Clinton interviews a potential intern. Serenity nods >her head. He unzips her jeans and unsnaps them. he lowers them to her knees. >Then he grabs the sides of her panties and pulls them down to her knees. he >feels her panties. He even felt the crotchliner. It was even more stickier >there than any where else on her panties. He looks at her pussy. Her pussy MINA: AARGH!! Doesn't this geek know *any* other synonyms for that!? SERENA: The scary part is, he might not. >still oozing cum out. The lips of >her clit were swolen and were twitching. SERENA: (slumps against Darien in pain as he holds and comforts her) No. . . Why me? Why this fic? I wanna go home. DARIEN: Don't worry, honey. It can't go on much longer. It'll only be a certain amount of time before this loser's brain implodes. >He felt the pubic hair of her pussy. AMY: Why does this freak seem to think that pubic hair grows anywhere else!? >It was very sticky. Serenity snaps out of it. >Serenity: "See what I mean. My body took over. What do you >think Darien? is it kinda strange that my body reacts like that?" RAYE (as Darien): Yes. You're a total freak. Get out of my life. >Darien: "No, I think it's a natural reaction. SERENA: I think it's an author reaction to the fact that he can't write worth crap. >I think your body was just >showing that to me that you love me. How did the reaction feel?" SERENA: Let's see, I pissed myself, so. . . Not that great. >Serenity: "It felt good. I want to take a bath. Want to join me? Will you >pull my panties up for me and take off my jeans?" >Darien: "Sure." Darien takes off her jeans. He then softly swats Serenity's >butt as a form of affection to her. DARIEN: What, now I'm Mickey Roarke in "9 1/2 Weeks"? >Then he pulls her to his arms. His naked >wife embraces him. He hugs her. He then pulls her panties back up. He follows >her to the bathroom where he brings the items that he bought for her. LITA: Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves. . . RAYE: And an author whose brain is age three! >Serenity then takes off her panties and steps in the spa which was already >running. Darien then takes his clothes off and gets in the spa and sits next >to her. DARIEN: Given that the spa is about two feet wide, where else is there to sit?. . .Are you okay, Meatball Head? You're starting to look a little greenish. SERENA: I think I'm going to be sick. . . >Serenity: "Do you love me?" Serenity turned to her husband, her eyes sparkled >when she asked that question. RAYE: (as Darien in the fic) Well, let's see, I've put up with you peeing on yourself every time I come around, I dress and undress you like a Barbie doll, I just smile and nod when you say incredibly stupid things, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK? >Darien: "Yes, I do." SERENA: (pulls away from Darien and clutches stomach) Ohh, I really *am* going to be sick. . . >Serenity: "Thanks. Love and play with my body which belongs >to you." SERENA: (frantic) Airsick bag!? Airsick bag!!? VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Right next to your seat. SERENA: Thank you. (pukes into bag) DARIEN: You'll pay for this, you wire-haired slug. We're going to capture you, hold you at gunpoint, and force you to read lemons about Totoro! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Been there. Done that. >Darien: "Anything to keep my Princess happy." ALL (leaving theater): Will you get us out of here? <2><3><4> SERENA walks in from the bathroom, much cleaner than when she went in there. With a scared look on her face, she sinks into Darien's arms. SERENA: I don't want to go back in there. It's just too horrible. DARIEN: Look on the bright side, Serena. At least they didn't force us to watch anything by Oscar. Luna: You didn't have to remind me, Darien. I was just starting to get over the nightmares "Black Day" caused me. SERENA: If and when we get our hands on Crystal Knight, I swear I'm going to shove the Moon Rapier up his sorry sphincter and turn it on full blast. RAYE: The Moon *RAPIER*? SERENA: Amy, show Raye "Married Life." Make sure she sees Chapter 5. AMY: Here you go, Raye. (hands over her minicomputer) RAYE: Thanks, Amy. (reads for a few minutes) YEAH! Now that's what I call a COOL execution! 'Mars Flame Engulf!' That's the way to go. AMY: If only I really had that Mercury Shattering Freeze power. I'd show that Crystal Knight character a thing or three. MINA: I'd like to show that Nega-twit who calls himself "Crystal Knight" a few tricks with my chain that would make the Marquis de Sade shake in his boots. SERENA: So we're all in agreement that this Crystal Knight character has to go? ALL: YEAH! SERENA: Okay, let's break out the blunt instruments. (opens her HammerSpace and begins pulling out objects: the Crescent Moon Wand, the Heart Moon Rod, the Kaleid Moon Scope, the Eternal Moon Tier and the Silver Moon Tier) Okay, Raye gets the Wand, Amy gets the rod, Mina gets the Eternal Tier, Lita gets the Silver Tier. MINA: And what do you get, Serena? SERENA: (pulls the Rapier from her HammerSpace, makes three experimental slicing motions with it) This. LITA: Let's trash that theater! ALL: YEAH! FORRESTER: Ah ah aahh! (removes the weapons from existence) You all get the shaft! SERENA: WHAT!? FORRESTER: Don't worry, they're all in safe keeping, nobody will harm your precious toys. NOW BACK IN THAT THEATER!! DOUBLE-TIME!! ALL: AAUGH!! WE'VE GOT LEMON-SIGN!!! <4><3><2> MINA: Damn you, Forrester. . . >Serenity allowed him to touch >anywhere on her body. Including her breasts and pussy. Her private parts she >allowed him to touch. AMY: I think we've well established that this guy likes to say the same thing over and over. SERENA: And that he's redundant. >She belonged to him. Serenity was in her Prince's >protection, plus he loved her. Her body also belonged to him, >since he had protected her and her body many times in both >lifetimes. He puts his hand down under the water and feels the wet golden >blond pubic hair which was soft. MINA: Wanna buy a comma, Crystal Knight? SERENA: Better yet, here's a quarter - go buy a clue. DARIEN: She doesn't 'belong' to me! We LOVE each other! >Since the water was swirling, Serenity's >pubic hair flowed in the water like sea >grass. >Darien: "Your pubic hair of your pussy feels so soft." SERENA: As opposed to. . .? Where else is pubic hair supposed to grow? LITA: ENOUGH with the damn pubic hair already! There isn't as much pubic hair on display in 10 year's worth of "Hustler" as there is in this fic! >Serenity: "Do you like what you're feeling?" >Darien: "Yes, it feels very good. You know what?" >Serenity: "What?" >Darien: "You look best when you have no clothes on and you're naked. AMY: In the last fifteen lines, he's repeated himself six times. >You have >a beautiful body Serenity!" MINA: Make that seven times in seventeen. >Serenity: "Thank you." >Darien: "I think your pussy is the most beautiful part of your body. It makes >you more feminine. (All groan) RAYE: You were feminine enough when you were neuter, but now that you've developed female sex organs - WOW! DARIEN: Oh, God, please tell me this isn't happening. Please tell me this is another one of my nightmares. ALL SCOUTS: Don't I *just* wish. I think you look great in your panties and lingerie when >your pussy is covered with them. It only increases your femininity even more. >I love you very much!" >Serenity: "Thank you. I am glad you care about my body. Including my pussy. >Please rub it and play with it. LITA: When Coneheads have sex. . . It still throbs. It needs to be touched and >loved." Darien then puts one of his fingers in the slit of her clit. He >wiggles his finger in a circle inside her clit. DARIEN and SERENA wiggle their fingers in a circle in the air. DARIEN: Yippie-ti-yi-yo SERENA: Ti-yo-ti-yay. >Serenity moaned in excitement >as he played with her pussy. Serenity took her hand and started rubbing >Darien's penis, balls, and his pubic hair. They were loving each other. >Darien started to moan as Serenity started to play with in Penis. RAYE (squawking mother voice): Junior! I told you not to play within Penis! His Penis, >balls, and pubic hir is what made him more masculine. LITA: Yes, he was just a 98-pound weakling of a Ken doll until he sprouted ACTUAL MALE GENITALIA. Now he's a butt-kicking stud. . . SERENA: This is a nightmare, it's just got to be. . . Serenity had just as >much enjoyment playing with his private parts RAYE: How did Howard Stern get into this fanfic? just as he had fun playing with >hers. Serenity turned over in the spa. Her butt was in the air. >Serenity: "Please play with my butt. spank it, love it. Rub it. Also continue >playing with my pussy, please." MINA: I didn't know Serena was into S&M. SERENA: I'm not. DARIEN: (at the same time) She's not. >Darien: "Sure." He started by running his finger in the crack of her ass. He >went deeper and deeper into Serenity's crack. He ran his finger along the >bottom of the long crack of her ass. Then he found a hole. It was her >asshole. SERENA: "I think we've found the *real* asshole in this fic, and it isn't a part of *any* of our bodies. . ." >Darien: "Please dear, take a deep breath so you asshole will open a little." RAYE: Please, Crystal Knight, take a deep breath and hold it until you suffocate. LITA: "The Appearance of Oceanus" 2, Electric BoogalooOOOWW!!! (Serena now has Lita by the ponytail) SERENA: If you *EVER* mention that. . . thing again, I *will* take your ponytail and *epoxy* it to the floor! LITA (grabs her hair back): Serena, you and Raye are good friends, but IF EITHER OF YOU TOUCHES MY HAIR AGAIN WITHOUT PERMISSION, you *will* find out what it's like to have TEN THOUSAND VOLTS run through your body. Got it? Good. >Serenity: "Yes, my love." Serenity to a deep breath and her asshole opened MINA: The author's asshole opened and let out this piece of crap. >slightly enough so Darien could get his finger >in the hole. >He softly moved his finger in and around her asshole. RAYE: He's an alien! It's an anal probe! SERENA (as Dark Helmet): How many assholes we got in this script!? ALL (as Spaceballs): YO! SERENA (as Dark Helmet): I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes. (booming voice) Keep firing, assholes. He also >continued to move his finger in her ever throbbing pussy. Her pussy was >throbbing with excitement to >his touching. LITA: My head is throbbing with pain from reading this. > Her body wanted more it it. Her pussy craved it. >It was a great feeling to her. She moaned even more. her body gave off a huge >sensation that could be felt thoughout her body. She enjoyed his touching >her. He knew where to touch >her most sensitive areas. >Darien: "Do you like what you're recieving?" RAYE: I before E except after C. . . SERENA: Unless pronounced "Ay" as in "Neighbor" or "Weigh." >Serenity: "Yes, I want more. Give me more! I crave for it. I hunger for it! DARIEN: White Castle - What You Crave! >It feels great!" It felt good to her. They continued for along while. Then >they stopped. AMY: Not again. SERENA: What the heck is this!? Has this author *NEVER* heard of an orgasm? >Darien got out and got one of the packages that he brought >home. Serenity looked at her husband. he had satisfied her. She noticed that >he pulled out a pink teddy made of polyester. RAYE: And she threw it right back at him, told him he was a cheapskate, and walked out. LITA: Bill and Monica, the early years. >Serenity: "Is that for me?" >Darien: "I hope you would put it on and model it for me." >Serenity: "Thanks. Can you help me dry off?" Serenity steps out of the spa. >Darien starts with her hair and her head. Then he makes his way down her body >and dries her pussy and her >butt. Then he finishes drying the rest of her body. He puts the >towel down and picks up the pink teddy that he bought for her. >Serenity: "Will you help me slip and put it on?" RAYE: I don't think you need *Darien's* help to slip. . . SERENA: Let's concentrate on riffing on this guy and not on each other, okay? RAYE: I *was* riffing this guy. SERENA: Oh yeah. >Darien: "Sure." Darien holds the teddy as Serenity puts her feet and legs >into the teddy. He begins to slowly pull it up. LITA: Uh-oh, I think we're in for another six-hour dressing scene. Finally the bottom part of >the teddy completely hugs her hips >and her beautiful pussy and crotch. The bottom part has settled in place. He >then motioned her to put her arms into the >straps. SERENA: Can you call 'em or what? >He places each strap on each shoulder. Then he tucks >her beautiful breasts into the cups of the teddy. Darien steps >back and takes a look of her at a disstance. >Serenity: "Do I look beautiful to you? Do you like the teddy I am wearing?" >Darien: "Yes. I want my woman to look her best. I bought it because I love >you." SERENA: Polyester? I think not. . . >Serenity: "I never worn a teddy before." Darien puts on clean clothes. >Darien: "Is it comfortible to you?" SERENA: No, dammit, it feels like a plastic bag. MINA: What? SERENA: Four words: Polyester. Shirt. Hot. Day. >Serenity: "Let me walk with it on and I will tell you." Serenity began to >walk. She walked to where the bed was. RAYE: And promptly crawled under it so she wouldn't have to show her face in public anymore after appearing in this travesty. SERENA: I'd crawl under this chair, except I don't care to find out what's on the floor. >Darien: "Well?" >Serenity: "Yes. Thank you!" Serenity goes up to him and gives him a hug. >Darien: "I love you, sweetheart, you earned it. You look stunning in pink. I >have 6 more teddies for you. They are all different colors. You are very >beauiful with it on." ALL (singing): You are, so beauiful. . . to me! >Serenity: "Thanks." Serenity moves to the couch. Darien joins her. Serenity >clings on to her prince." AMY: That's the weirdest thing I can imagine for Serenity to say. Granted that there's not all that much that she says that actually makes *sense*. . . >Serenity got up and sat on Darien's lap. >Serenity: "Are you pleased with me?" >Darien: "I am very pleased with you." SERENA: Darien, what was it you said earlier about "Larry King Live?" >Serenity: "I am going in the other room. I will call you in a few minutes." >Darien: "Okay." Serenity goes in the other room and takes off the teddy. She >puts on a pair of Satin panties that has lots of lace in the front. The lace >is shaped in a V. Serenity slips on the panties. LITA: And falls on her butt. She puts on a bra next and >snaps it. She tucks in her breasts into the cups of the bra. RAYE: Now be good little breasts and go to sleep for Mommy. Next she puts on >a slip and a skirt. She finds a blouse and puts it on. She puts her high heel >shoes back on. SERENA: Hasn't this guy *ever* seen "Talk Radio?" I can't *walk* in heels. Raye, how do *you* manage it? ALL: YAY!!! <2><3><4> (Luna is alone on the bridge) LUNA: Today, the Sailor Scouts are witnessing a fanfic called "Sailor Moon: Fantasy!", which is of the fanfic genre often referred to as "lemon." While there are some beautiful, romantic, and well-written entries in the field, alas, all too much of it is poorly written, ugly, or both. As a public service, we would like to demonstrate things commonly seen in these types of fanfics. If you see any of these in a story you are reading, that's your cue to hit the "back" button immediately, if not sooner. And so, without further ado, we present. . . "Elements of the All-Too-Common Sailor Moon Lemon." Number One: The "Porn Trigger" fanfic. (Mina and Lita enter, and sit down as if they were on a couch watching television). MINA: I'm bored. LITA: Me, too. Let's see what's on cable. (She mimes picking up a remote and clicking through channels, then gives an overexaggerated gasp). Oh, look! The Spice channel has somehow become unscrambled! MINA: Wow, this is making me hot and bothered. LITA: Me, too. Let's do something about it. (She grabs Mina in a way overexaggerated, super-theatrical embrace. Camera pans back to Luna). LUNA: Number Two: The "Scout Runs to Fellow Scout For Comfort" fanfic. (Amy comes on-stage, miming looking in a refrigerator. Raye stumbles on from left, faking hugely overexaggerated tears). RAYE: Oh, it's so awful! Chad and I had a fight! Oh, I'll never be happy again! AMY: There, there, there. I'm here. (She hugs Raye. They pause for a second, then the hug becomes an overblown parody of a passionate embrace. Camera pans back to Luna again). LUNA: Number Three: The "Serena and Darien Break Up to Sleep With Other People" fic. (Serena and Darien enter from opposite sides of the stage.) SERENA: Darien. . .I'm breaking up with you. I've decided I'm a lesbian. I'm running off with Raye. DARIEN: That's okay, I was going to break up with you anyway. I've decided that I love Andrew. (They both break character, cringe, and go "EEEWWWW!") LUNA: Ahem. Can we stick to the sketch, please? (Camera pans back to her). Number Four: The "Girl and General" fic. (Mina comes on in a Negaverse jacket, holding a whip and dragging Amy by the hair). MINA: You're nothing but a trashy slut, Sailor Brat, and I'm going to make you pay for everything you've done to us! (She mimes whipping Amy). AMY: Oh! No! Please, please stop! No, wait a second! Please don't stop! Give me more! (Camera pans back to Luna). LUNA: Number Five: The "Lesbian Pileup." (Lita comes on with an absurdly huge strap-on dildo around her hips, holding all kinds of bizarre sex toys in both hands) LITA: Okay, whose secret sexual fantasy shall I fulfill next? ALL OTHER GIRLS, running on-stage: ME! ME! ME! (They tackle her and all fall behind the desk, just as the lights and alarms go off). FORRESTER: Lucky you - the film's fixed. Frank! Put the hurt on them! FRANK: Right back atcha, Steve! ALL: (jumping up) WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIIGN! (Lita flings away the sex toys as they run for the theater). <4><3><2> SERENA: I'm so glad that none of those things could ever happen. DARIEN: Me too, Meatball-Head SERENA: Oh, I love it when you call me that! RAYE, AMY, LITA and MINA: GET A ROOM! >Serenity calls for Darien. >Serenity: "Darien!" She calls for him excitedly. Darien walks in. >Darien: "Did you want to go for a walk?" RAYE (as Darien): Let me get the leash. >Serenity: "No, I have a gift for you. Do you want it?" >Darien: "Yes, where is it?" >Serenity: "I am the gift. Want to unwrap me and discover what lies inside?" MINA: Okay, so she got dressed just to have Darien undress her. This makes sense *why!?* SERENA: And why, oh WHY is she sitting around stark naked most of the time? >Darien: "Sure, I will open my gift!" Darien takes of Serenity's blouse. Then >he took off the skirt that she wore. He then took off her slip. The only >things left on her where her bra and panties. >Serenity: "Do you like my breasts?" LITA: I had the implants refilled just yesterday! >Darien: "I think they are perfect. You are perfect in my eyes!" DARIEN (sarcastic): Oh, this sparkling, witty repartee! Why, there hasn't been a script that crackled with dynamic dialogue so much since "Jerry Maguire"! >Darien takes off Serenity's bra. He places on of his hands under her left >breast. The other hand on her right breast. LITA: It's Twister! Left hand red, right hand blue. . . >Darien: "Let my hands be your cups for your breasts for a while!" DARIEN: So now I'm a Wonderbra? Beryl didn't abuse me like this! Darien >begins to kiss Serenity on her face. He continues to kiss her and hold her >breasts. Serenity's panties >become wet from the sensation. Serenity closes her legs, which makes her wet >even more. He removes one of his hands from her breasts and puts it down the >front of her panties. He feels her pubic hair of her pussy. >Darien: "Almost totally moist, but not quite!" RAYE: Betty Crocker Bundt cakes, always totally moist. . . Darien begins to lick >Serenity's nipples while his hand is still touching her pussy. Her pussy >becomes warmer and even more wetter. ALL sweatdrop. AMY: More wetter...first-grade grammar mistake...he's a flame-troll all right. SERENA: Well, we knew that, Amy-chan. >Darien: Just right, Very moist." LITA: She's ready to come out of the oven now! Darien lays her on the bed very gently. He >then removes Serenity's drenched wet panties >from her wet and moist pussy. He slowly removes her panties from her wet >pubic hair of her pussy. He puts her panties next to her high heels that she >still wearing. He feels and smells her panties. >Serenity: "Is the smell pleasing to you?" >Darien: "Yes, a very sweet scent." DARIEN: We take you into the labs of Calvin Klein, where they're developing the followup scent to CK One. . . >Serenity: "Please taste my pussy and see if it tastes good to you." >Darien: "Okay." Darien begins to licks his wife's warm and moist pussy. RAYE (as Darien): Umm. . .needs salt. She >moans with pleasing excitement. >Darien: "Yummy, ALL (singing): Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy. . . Serenity you taste so sweet just like the scent." >Serenity: "...uuuh..Arigato! Do you want to lick my clit? It's throbbing >wanting to be licked." >Darien: "Okay." Darien starts licking her clit. Her clit becomes >very swolen. LITA: Okay, we seem to be missing an L here. Everyone check the floor and see if there's an L stuck to your shoe. The light pink pussy throbs with the slight touch >of Darien's tongue. Serenity's pussy continues to throb as the sensation >increases. Her pussylips were completely opened and they wide open just like >a flower that is in bloom. DARIEN: Oooh. . .an actual attempt at a metaphor! RAYE: Alas, it's a piss-poor one. . . >Then Darien took off his own clothes and inserted AMY: Tab "a" into slut "b". . . OW!! SERENA (putting the Moon Scepter away): *That* was uncalled for. >his penis into Serenity's pussy. The vibrations and the trobbing continued to >build. Serenity was now making quieter moans. >Serenity was deeply enjoying the connection that Darien's penis joined with >Serenity's pussy. Darien felt that an orgasm AMY: (surprised) WHAT!? This author actually made that connection!? SERENA: Probably because he was so focused on his writing that he blew a load in his shorts. MINA: Getting vicious in our old age are we? SERENA: Let's see you get your personality stomped on for about eight thousand words and not get mad. >was building inside Serenity and he quickly removed his penis >to see Serenity's pussy suddenly began to cum uncontrolibly. AMY: I see your spelling hasn't improved, just because your knowledge of sexual anatomy has. SERENA: And not even by that much, it's the same gag as when 'Serenity' felt Darien coming in the first place >Serenity moaned again loadly SERENA: "Again Loadly," the new album by Metallica, on sale NOW! AMY: But Serena, you hate Metallica. SERENA: Exactly! MINA: If they actually come out with that disc, I will *hurt* you. SERENA: Get in line. If they actually use that as a title, you'll probably get there just as I'm whacking myself repeatedly in the head with the Moon Scepter. >with deep pleasure, excitement and satisfaction. >Darien then started to lick her pussy that was covered with her natural love >juices. DARIEN: New from Ocean Spray: Natural Love Juices! Available in Cranapple, Cranberry, and Crangrape. . . Soon he had licked >all the cum. Darien got and cleaned himself up and then returned and cleaned >his naked wife up. he took he wet pair of panties off of her high heels. He >gets another clean pair of panties which were nylon MINA: First a polyester teddy, then nylon panties. Does this guy have a synthetics fetish or *what?* >and sliped them on her. >He sets her >on his lap. She moans and sighs with great comfort and satisfaction. She soon >returns to normal. >Darien: "Are you okay, my beautiful wife?" RAYE: "And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife!" >Serenity: "Uh huh." Serenity looks up at Darien with great love in her eyes. >Darien: "Did I make you feel good?" >Serenity: "Yes, It felt wonderful. Did you like your gift?" >Darien: "That's good. Yes I did." >Serenity: "Was my love juices sweet to you?" >Darien: "Yes, Your natural love juices was rich and sweet." DARIEN: Natural Love Juices: They're rich and sweet, yet low in fat and cholesterol! Available now, in your grocer's freezer. . . SERENA: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! >Serenity: "Thank you for pleasing me. Can you put on my pink teddy on me >again?" >Darien: "Your welcome. I think you needed it. Sure I will get it." Serenity >stands up and removes the panties that was placed on her. Darien gets the >pink teddy. Serenity puts her legs through the two holes. Darien slips it on >her. The bottom part of her teddy went into place. He then puts each of the >straps of the teddy on each shoulder. He then gently tucks her breasts in the >cups of the teddy. RAYE: Seen it. DARIEN: Taped it. LITA: Hated it. >Serenity: "Thank you. I like my new teddy. Thanks for putting it on me. I am >hungry are you?" >Darien: "Your welcome. What ever you need, I will do it for you, sweetheart. >What would you like for dinner?" >Serenity: "How about I do my homework that Mrs. Haruna gave me and then you >can take me out and fine a good place to eat, is that okay with you?" MINA: Raye, is this person *anybody* you know? SERENA: *I* don't know her, and she's supposed to be me. >Darien: "Yes, it's fine with me." >Serenity: "Thanks." Serenity gets up and grabs her home work. She bent down >and pick up her home work. Darien watched bent over, Serenity's teddy moved >with her. AMY: This guy appears to have a firm grasp on the obvious. >Serenity went to the small table in the suite and began working. He >watched her work. She seemed to be dedicated to her new role as a wife. >Serenity wanted very much to please her prince which was now her husband. RAYE: This guy's attitude toward women makes "The Bikini Carwash Company" look like "Thelma and Louise." >Darien belonged to her just as much as She belonged to him. For and hour >Serenity did her home work and finally she was done. She got up and put her >homework away. Serenity went back to the chair and sat back down. ALL: (whoopee cushion noises) >Darien: "I am proud of you, my wife." >Serenity: "Why?" SERENA: There's absolutely nothing in this fanfic to be proud of. >Darien: "For one you seemed dedicated to your new role. Two, you seem not to >be afraid of totally exposing your beautiful nude body to me. Three, you even >let me dress and undress you. I am happy you are serious about your new >role!" DARIEN: I will NOT tolerate being made to look like a Cro-Magnon troglodyte who treats the love of his life like a blowup doll anymore! (Throws rose at screen. It bounces off the screen harmlessly and the petals break away from the stem). DAMN! >Serenity: "Thanks, I do it because I want to be the best wife you could ever >have. I expose myself to you and let you see me nude, because I love you. I >am not afraid of showing off my beautiful nude body to you. I let you undress >me beause I want you to love my body. I need your love. SERENA: I did NOT need this. Darien and I had a date tonight. A date to see a *real* movie, not this piece of crap. >I let you dress me >for the same reason. You make me happy. I am happy to share my love and my >body to you, please I ask a favor of you." LITA: This guy makes Hugh Hefner look like a progressive feminist. >Darien: "Yes, what is it?" >Serenity: "I am frail and fragile. MINA: Says the woman of steel. . . SERENA: That was the voice of the author's plot contrivance. >Be gentle with me, take care of >me. That all I ask. If you do, I will love you fo all time!" >Darien: "I will do ask you ask, my love. I will take care of you." >Serenity: "I will get ready to leave. I will get dressed." AMY: That's it, I give up trying to count the redundancies. This entire 'fic is a redundancy: repetitive and unnecessary. >Serenity gets dressed. Serenity comes out wearing a blue dress, wearing high >heels on her feet. >Serenity: "I am ready. What do you think of me?" RAYE (as Darien): You're a pathetic little airhead tramp and I can't stand the sight of you! >Darien: "You are beautiful, as always." Darien and Serenity go out. For what >they do or what they go will be for next time. SERENA: I didn't just read that. Please say I didn't just read that. >NEXT EPISODE: "Serenity's fantasy, Fantasy Sailor Moon Appears!" SERENA: When does the hurting stop? <2><3><4> The Scouts exit the theater. Serena is clinging to Darien's arm.