MSTed: Sailor Moon in America 

AUTHORS' NOTES:

ArsenalXIII: Finally, a shot at the big time! This fic will be my
ticket to narrowly getting a marginal chance at maybe if the
conditions are right getting a candidacy to the Review Council.
Or maybe I'm just disillusioning myself.

Damien K: Actually, that's 'deluding,' and, yes, you are. Oh
well. I have to say, this is the out-and-out NASTIEST thing I've
ever had the pleasure of MSTing. It was a real gas. Enjoy the
show, folks!

'Sailor Moon' is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi. This fic is the
property of Lord Serpent, and..... it has no parallel. The shorts
are the property of THE FREAK.... and make the fic look like a
cake walk.

Refer to 'Red Dragon Rising' and 'Alex and Serena' for
background. Procanadids are of my own invention, and cannot be
used without permission.

<Roll Intro>

<Hammer XIII> 
<The laboratory is darkened. Kasparov walks up and taps of the
glass of the interface camera.>

KASPAROV: Is this thing on?
ARSENALXIII: Should be. It's draining power.
KASPAROV: Good. Let's take a look at our little simian and his
toys.

<SOL Bridge>

<Mike and the bots are apparently looking through some sort of
scrapbook>
TOM: Oh look, there's where Pitch first came to visit us.
CROW: And there's that witch from 'The Undead' who kept on
turning into stuff!
MIKE: <disgusted> And there's Ortega....
TOM: What's wrong with Ortega?
MIKE: Um, nothing. Oh look, here's where I nearly tricked Brain
Guy into there theater.
CROW: And there's when Pearl came on board.... ah, the blessed
mint-giver.
<Tom starts to cry>
MIKE: What's the matter, Tom?
TOM: All the people we've ever known *sniff*, they don't know
where we are *sob*, we're, we're.... AlONE!
<Crow starts crying along with Tom>

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: <annoyed> What's wrong with your robots now, you
pathetic excuse for a carbon based life form? 

<SOL Bridge>

<Mike is consoling Crow and Tom>
MIKE: They're just a little lonely. No one knows where we are,
and they're getting a little scared....

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: Lonely? Well, I'm sure I can scrounge up to morons of
your caliber somewhere. Kornadov, engage the Inter-Dimensional
Matter Transference Device.
KORNADOV: <off screen> The what??
KASPAROV: <annoyed> The Inter-Dimensional Matter Transference
Device. We need to get some people on that ship.
KORNADOV: <off screen> You mean the Time/Space Organism
Transporter.
KASPAROV: <beat> Um.... yeah. I was just testing you.
KORNADOV: <off screen> Sure....
<The whirling of turbines is heard as the device powers up>

<Dimension #2810, Terra. Tokyo, Japan>

<Michiru is sorting through the mail inside her home. She comes
upon a rather suspicious looking package>

MICHIRU: Haruka, I think we've recieved another laserdisc.... 

<Haruka and Hotaru walk in.>

HOTARU: What's the matter, Michiru-mama?
HARUKA: Great. What's this one about?

<Michiru opens the package, revealing six laserdiscs bearing the
title 'Alex and Serena II: Electric Boogaloo'.>

MICHIRU & HARUKA: NOOO!!!

<At the same time, a flash of light engulfs all three.>

<Hammer XIII>

<Kornadov is looking at a monitor in the background, Kasparov is
in the foreground looking at him>

KORNADOV: We've got 'em.
KASPAROV: Good. Disarm them.

<SOL Bridge>

TOM: Disarm?? Is he sending _Nav_ up here??
MIKE: No..... he send 'em', denoting more than one.
CROW: Geez Mike, getting a little scientific one us?
MIKE: <British accent> Actually, I'm more denoting the mere fact
that 'em' is a shortened form of 'them', which is indeed plural.
And to be precise, has more to do with grammar than with science
in itself....

<Suddenly, Haruka and Michiru appear to the left of them>

MICHIRU: Hm? What the...
HARUKA: Whoever did this is going to pay big once I get out my...
<Haruka searches her pockets.>
HARUKA... henshin stick??

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: <smug> Looking for these? *with a flip of the wrist,
Kasparov presents
the henshin sticks for Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus* Wait...
*counts henshin
sticks, then people* ... we're missing one!
KORNADOV: She could have been blown to atoms in a misfire. Won't
be the first
time its happened.

<SOL Bridge>

<Mike, the Bots and Michiru are staring at each other in
confusion. Haruka is yelling into Cambot.>

HARUKA: If you're harmed Hotaru I'm kick that scaly lizard ass of
yours back into the B-movie you slinked your way out of!

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: I think we look a little better than men in rubber
suits...
ARSENALXIII: Biological sensors have picked up a new signal in
the holding bay. The ship's artificial gravity is higher than
that on Terra, so it should hold her down...
KASPAROV: Go capture her, Kornadov. That last thing I need is a
Terran to get under the floorboards, steal crumbs of food, spread
disease and reproduce by the thousands...
KORNAOV: Umm.... sure.

<SOL Bridge>

<Michiru, Mike and the Bots are in the background drinking coffee
and talking quietly. Haruka is still yelling at the Procanadids.>

HARUKA: Once we get off this tub and get our henshin sticks
back...

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: <laughing> You'll do what?? No one knows where you are,
and even if they could find out where you were, they'd still have
to be able to travel through time and space safely in order to
even get here! I'd like to see someone from your pitiful world
with all of those abilities!

<Dimension #2810, Terra. Tokyo, Japan>

<Setsuna is walking around the house where Hotaru, Haruka and
Michiru previously were standing in.>

SETSUNA: Hotaru? Haruka? Michiru? Is anyone here?

<Setsuna looks down at the pile of mail on the floor, along with
the opened package.>

SETSUNA: Strange indeed.....

<SOL Bridge>

<Haruka is fuming, while Michiru is trying to calm her down.>

MICHIRU: Listen, Hotaru is okay, we're okay.... we're just going
to be stuck here for a while...
HARUKA: Well.....

<Hammer XIII>

KASPAROV: In the mean time, you'll be doing exactly as I say....
umm.. uhh... Arsenal, hand me their dossiers.
<A mechanical hand extends, and drops the files into his hands.>
ARSENALXIII: I studied them _very_ extensively....
KASPAROV: <opens dossier> Excellent.... wait, this is porn!!
ARSENALXIII: _Very_ extensively.
<Kasparov throws the dossiers away>
KASPAROV: Okay, today's little treat is by the master of 'pain =
pleasure' himself, The Great Red Serpent, with a short by THE
FREAK. Enjoy..... or not.

<SOL Bridge>

<Alarms and lights go off>
ALL: We've got Serpent sign!!

<Dogbone,6,5,4,3,2,1>

<Mike and the Bots sit in their usual spots, while Michiru and
Haruka sit to Tom's left.>

>Strage Ecounters
>bye FREAK

Tom: Sweet lord, he managed to misspell all but one of those
words...
Crow: <Trench run from Star Wars> Stay on target....

>Saiormon beongs to MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: <cover their ears>
Crow: Man, that's really loud....
Mike: He must have gone to the 'Dr. Thinker School of Exclamation
Points'.
Haruka: First the asterisks, now the exclamation points?? When
will the killing end?

>Chapter One
>Hortense wus walking down the strete 

Crow: Singing do-wad-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-do....
Tom: That was obvious....

>and is whistling to herselve hapily. "I want to fuck Setuna, she
>thought hapily. 

Haruka and Michiru: Nani??
Mike and the bots: What??

>"i wondre if Set-chan wants to fuckme? Then Alex came up to her
>and sayd. 

Michiru: <Alex> Are you ready to play 'Jeopardy'?
Haruka: Wrong Alex.
Mike: <Alex> Oh, go ahead and have sex with her. Leave me with a
broken heart...
Haruka: <shaking fist> One more crack like that...
Mike: Sorry! Sheesh....

>"Of corse she does Horti-chan, go ansd fuckher.

Haruka <Alex>: Cause, see, Setsuna's a big pedophile!
Michiru: *Ahem*

>                                                Even thogh me
>and Shelly are just fiends, we still fuck." 

Tom: Hold it, didn't it say that 'Hortense' thought all of this?
How did Alex know about this?
Crow: Fire readings? The Force?
Mike: 'Fiends'? Great, now we're getting an 'Overfiend'
crossover.

>Hortense smlied and huged her father/mama,

Tom: "Huged" her? So now Alex is a giant?
Haruka <cheesy dub voice>: Run! Alex-jira is coming! We must
flee!

>                                           then whent. 

Mike: That's one of the more idiotic ways to refer to Haruka's
relationship with Hotaru. 
Crow: They'd better be talking about the bathroom....

>________________________________________________________________
>________ 

Mike: Ah, a line. Reminds me of my first DUI.

>Setuna starred at Hortense with pasion. "i whante you " she
>sayed. 

Haruka: <'Setuna'> I also want h's and e's, dammit! More!!
Tom: Don't they know that dolphins get caught in the nets when
Setuna are caught? 

>________________________________________________________________
>________

Haruka: Everyone who wants to see me use a World Shaking on
FREAK, sign on this line.

>Andrew jamed his dick into Darrriens's butt. "your better than
>serenea darien sayed. 

Mike: Richard, no!!
Crow: Enough 'nick name' jokes...
Tom: So Serena usually jams her penis into Darien's butt?
Haruka: Let's just forget that line...

>________________________________________________________________
>________

Tom: What is with the lines, already?
Crow: I think they're what FREAK was snorting when he wrote this.

>Artemis starred at Luna-p, then jumpd on her and hummmped
>her."oh artmis, I luv u!!!" she cryed in pleesyre.Artemis knew
>she wus just a toy bute she hade a perrsonnallity just like
>Luna... 

Michiru: Setsuna, to be exact.
Tom: Hold it. If Setsuna's having sex with Hotaru and voicing
Luna P...
Crow: Damn! That woman can multi-task!

>________________________________________________________________
>_______

Michiru: *Not* *one* *word*. The line jokes have been done to
death.
Mike: I think you're *line*, Michiru.
Tom: Yeah! Besides, if you're upset at us, get in *line*.
Crow: Dr. F, for one, wants to *line* us up in his sights.
<Michiru sighs>

>Hortense was getting it one with Setuna, 

Tom: At one, you mean. Oh, they're just meditating.
Crow: Live in your own dream world.....

>their fingers were inside eachother and they were screming

Mike <Setsuna>: Aaah! Get your finger out of my nose, Hotaru!
Michiru <Hotaru>: You're one to talk, get your hand out of my
mouth!

>                                                           with
>pleesyre. 

Mike: Plee, syre, pleed! 
Tom: Despite the fact that Setsuna's straight, and not a
pedophile....this is
pretty much in character.
Haruka: *whaps Tom*
Tom: Ow! Just kidding....
Haruka: Oh, I dunno, if it wasn't Hotaru I think I could enjoy
this scene...
<Michiru hits Haruka>

>"can I help" Renie sayed. "sire!" said Setuna. Renie liked her
>cliyt.

Tom: If Tsunai is to be believed, all the other Senshi like it,
too.
Haruka: Do you have a death wish?

>    then Mina
>came and used her penis to penetrte them all. Then Alex used her
>dildo to join in. 

Crow: REENIE? NOO!!!! The pink sugar abomination!
Michiru: I see it was co-written by Robert Tsunai.
Mike: Since when did Mina have a penis?
Tom <to Haruka>: And since when did you have a dildo?
Haruka: Umm... pass.

>________________________________________________________________
>________

Haruka: I've got it, this is The FREAK's CAT scan.

>Lita starrrted to tye Amy up and then shoved an crowbar up her
>ass. 

All: AGH! Ami-chan flashback!!!
Crow: That is a horrible misuse of a _great_ MSTier.
<rumbles off in the distance>
Tom: Watch for that fourth wall....

>________________________________________________________________
>________
>The endd ................... for now ...............

Tom: AAAAAH! The dots! The dots are coming! They'll eat my skin!
Mike: You don't have any skin.
Tom: Oh, right.

>                                                    Ded yu licke
>it? e-male me freakyfreko@hotmail.com

Mike: I wouldn't lick it if my life depended on it.
Tom: Oh, you'll be getting mail, all right.....