Dedicated to the MILLIONS……AND MILLIONS of the Rocks fans! It's… MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3 RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX TODAY'S EXPERIMENT: MOLLY AND HIM (BY DIKIE) But before we go on, here are some: Disclaimers: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. "Molly and Him" belongs to Dikie and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. However, I would like to say that this MST of his work is no discredit to the author himself; just the fanfic. So please Dikie, if you're out there, don't take this as an insult. This was all done with fun in mind. I don't want my mailbox's to be assaulted by flames! WARNING: THIS FANFIC AND THE SUBSEQUENT RIFFING CONTAINS HENTAI PORTIONS. DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE UNDERAGE. DO NOT READ IF YOUR PARENTS SAY YOU CAN'T. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200. @@@@@ SATELLITE OF LOVE (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (Tom, Crow, Tuxedo Alex, Sailor Silver Knight, and Falcon Knight all walk out of the theater, laughing their heads off, and trying to calm down. Tuxedo Alex walks towards Cambot.) FALCON: Nuts! (laughs) Get your nuts! S.KNIGHT: Mini-me! (laughs) CROW: I'm oh-so sexy! (laughs) TOM: (laughs) Crikey! I…(laughs)…I lost my mojo! TUXEDO: (laughs) Okay…okay…hi, I'm Tuxe…(laughs)…Tuxedo Alex, and welcome…welcome to the Satellite of Love. Joel set up a base of operations on Earth, and sent…(laughs)…and sent us the new Austin Powers movie. We're still trying to get it out of our system… CROW: Re..remember the parts with Fat Bastard? S.KNIGHT: Ugh, don't remind me. CROW: I think he's my favorite character. (He slips into Fat Bastard Mode.) Gimmee your baby! S.KNIGHT: (wiping her brow, muttering under her breath) Figures. FALCON: Say, does it seem a little warmer in here than usual? TOM: Yeah, it does seem hot in here. TUXEDO: I'll go check it out. We'll be right back… @@@@@ BACK ON THE SOL (The temperature on the Satellite has risen about 10 degrees higher than normal. Falcon Knight and Tuxedo Alex have removed their jackets, while Sailor Silver Knight has removed her armor to get cooler. Tuxedo Alex and Tom are checking the Satellite's heater, while the others are sitting by a huge fan. Crow is still spewing Austin Powers-isms, aggravating Sailor Silver Knight greatly. Falcon Knight is just trying to get comfortable.) CROW (Dr. Evil): Mini-me, you complete me… S.KNIGHT: Crow, shut up! FALCON: Hey, any progress over there? (Tuxedo fiddles with the internal components of the heater a few minutes more. Tom just gazes inside, hoping he can detect a malfunction. Figuring that he can't do anything more, Tuxedo throws down a piece of the heater in frustration.) TUXEDO: I don't know, guys. Nothing seems wrong on the inside either. TOM: We just can't turn the heat down. Only up. TUXEDO: I just don't understand it. Everything is in working order! How can this thing be malfunctioning? FALCON: Man, this sucks. CROW: Tell me about it. (The message lights suddenly flash on the Satellite.) S.KNIGHT: I think we have our cause calling us right now. TOM: Happosai and Cologne? S.KNIGHT: Yep. TUXEDO: I should've known… (The hexfield turns on, revealing Dr. Forrester with painting on an easel, complete with a goofy-looking artist's cap.) DR. F.: Hello, slaves to insanity's cause. TUXEDO: I see you're back from…where ever you went, Dr. F. DR. F.: Yes, well I needed time out of the ol' evil lair. I hope that Jupiter Knight didn't give you "too" much trouble… FALCON: Nope, just another "Evil Guy" chapter. We lived. TOM: It was easy picking! Heh. Didn't even break a sweat! DR. F.: Unfortunately. Anyway, as you can see, I have decided to take up a new hobby. "Still-life" painting. S.KNIGHT: Wow, that's a…nice, relaxing hobby! CROW: Yeah, it doesn't seem as evil as most your other hobbies, Doc. DR. F.: Yes, well, I thought it would be a nice change of pace. Would you like to see what I am trying to recreate? (The camera pans out to reveal a large block of ice. Inside contains a relatively familiar figure.) FALCON: Hey, isn't that… TUXEDO: Oh, my God! He froze TV's Frank! BOTS (Stan and Kyle): YOU BASTARD! DR. F.: Well, this can't be called "Still Life" painting without a "Still Life" to paint, now can there? S.KNIGHT: God, you're sick! DR. F.: Plus, I needed to keep this place cold to keep deer Frankie-poo in this state. So, I took the liberty of removing my access heat in this room and "lending" it to you for a while. Hope you don't mind… TUXEDO: (Smashing his fist to the console.) Damn you, Forrester! DR. F.: Anyway, enough dilly-dally. Your fanfic this week is a little something different. It is a lemony-tale involving everyone's favorite Sailor Moon couple. CROW: You mean Serena and Darien? Whew, even something like that I can deal with. S.KNIGHT: (whispering) Don't give him ideas, Crow! DR. F.: (looking slightly confused) No, the couple is Molly and Nephlite. What did you think I was going to say? FALCON: A what?!? TOM: A Molly….MOLLY LEMON?!?!?!?!?!? DR. F.: Enjoy, little peons! And by the way, is it getting hot up there? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (The hexfield feed cuts off.) CROW: A Molly lemon, AND it's a sauna in here… S.KNIGHT: There is no God. (The klaxons and lights a re set off.) TUXEDO: Brace yourselves, we got LEMON SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN! (6) (5) (4) (3) (2) (1) @@@@@ THEATER TUXEDO: Well, this'll be our first lemon we've done. FALCON: And you know what that means… BOTS: It's MILLER TIME! FALCON: Damn straight! S.KNIGHT: Guys… >Title: Molly and Him >Author: Dikie TOM: You ruffians are soiling my dikie! FALCON: You've already kicked my ascot! >Disclaimer: CROW: Really? TUXEDO: This fanfic sucks beyond high heaven! Don't read it! TOM: This fanfic contains material that will burn your eyes if you gaze upon it. S.KNIGHT: This fanfic was made with parts of three dead ostriches, then took the lives of five more upon completion. FALCON: This fanfic may bruise egos and hurt feelings. CROW: Those of the horny at heart may proceed with caution. >E-mail: cowboys83@hotmail.com >Author Notes: Well...second attempt at hentai. This one is even shorter. CROW: Hence the name: Dikie. TUXEDO: Crow… >I just can't make long hentai stories. S.KNIGHT: Thank the lord… >I will probably come out with a new one every other week. Hope you like! TOM: If ravenous dogs appear on your front lawn and chew you to bits, that means we like. FALCON: Otherwise, your house burns down in flames. >Molly and Him TUXEDO: Jupiter Knight sent us a Sailor Moon / Powerpuff Girls crossover? TOM (Bubbles): Not the evilest of evil! CROW (Buttercup): The cruelest of the cruel! S.KNIGHT (Blossom): It's…HIM! >by Dikie >" I am from the Negaverse, Molly. My real name is Nephlite." he said. He wasn't sure how she would >respond. CROW (Molly): Swell. Let's shag! S.KNIGHT: Crow… >" Oh. So that is why you have been so secretive.." she said, laughing a little," Is there any other secrets >you have?" FALCON (Nephlite ala Eminem): My name is Nephlite, and I'm an alcoholic… TOM (Nephlite ala Eminem): I have a disease, and they don't know what to call it… >Should I tell her or not? CROW (Nephlite): My twig and berries are the size of a… S.KNIGHT: No more Austin Powers references! >He wanted to know if she felt the same way about him. This would probably be the last chance he had. CROW: To shag! Yeah, baby! TUXEDO: Okay, Crow. Knock it off. >" Molly, I love you." he said shyly. She smiled and kissed him on the head. FALCON: What does Molly want? OTHERS: Head! FALCON: What does Molly need? OTHERS: Head! FALCON: What does Molly love? OTHERS: Head! >" I love you too." she whispered into his ear. >" And I have always wanted to express my love." S.KNIGHT (Nephlite): …In the form of nice quiet poetry. TUXEDO: We're not gonna get off that easily… >he said, a slight smile to his lips. She giggled lightly. TOM (Molly, retarded): He's funny…he wants to have sex… >They both sat on her bed. Glaring at each other with wild eyes. FALCON: Damn wild eyes, having those wild parties all night… CROW: Keep it down in there, damn eyes! Or I'll come up there and poke you out of you're sockets! >" It is getting hot in here", he said while taking off his shirt. TOM: Damn right! Stupid Forrester screwing with the stupid heater… TUXEDO: Let it go, Tom. Let it go. >As he tossed it aside, his well-built body showed itself. S.KNIGHT: A few years later, the well-built body was condemned for being evil. >She smiled nervously. She always wanted to see his body. And now she was going to see all of it. TOM (Nephlite, singing): All of me, why not take all of me… >" Yeah it is a little hot in here.", Molly said as she took off her shirt. >" Here let me help you."Nephlite quietly unsnapped her bra and let it fall to the floor. TUXEDO: Wow, Captain Subtlety! We sure saved the day this time! FALCON: Tuxy, please… TUXEDO: Sorry. And don't call me Tuxy! >God, those are big he thought his eyes widening a little. She blushed a little. FALCON: Molly can read his mind? S.KNIGHT: No, I think the author said that. TOM: Hell, the author can make her boobs the size of torpedoes if he wanted! TUXEDO: Don't give the author ideas! CROW: Does that make you horny, baby? S.KNIGHT: Crow, I'm warning you… >" Those pants look really uncomfortable." TOM: Next time, try the cotton / polyester blend instead of tight leather. TUXEDO: Tom… >She unbuckled the belt that held his pants. S.KNIGHT: As opposed to unbuckling the belt that held his shirt? FALCON: Or his shoes? TOM: Or his face to Queen Beryl's a… FALCON: Okay, even I wouldn't say something like that. >They fell to the floor. TOM: EARTHQUAKE! CROW: So, the earth was already moving under them? They didn't even start anything! S.KNIGHT: Crow! >As he stood up his boxers quietly became disconnected from his body. TUXEDO: Self-removing boxers? Wow, Neagverse-Tech, Inc. sure comes up with some cool stuff! CROW: That sure cuts down on shagging time! S.KNIGHT: Crow, you are REALLY starting to annoy me. CROW: Sorry, sorry… >He was there naked. FALCON (Captain Subtlety): Congratulations, Captain Obvious! You saved the day again! TUXEDO: (Captain Obvious): Well, I couldn't have done it without you, Captain Subtlety! S.KNIGHT: Should I be worried about you two? >Molly stood up to show that she had tanned skin. TOM (Nephrite): Okay, so you have tan skin. Your point? >So they both were standing there naked. S.KNIGHT: Um…huh? TOM: Did we miss something? All Molly did was show that she had tan skin. CROW: How can Molly be naked if she's still wearing pants? TUXEDO: Was she even wearing pants? FALCON: All right! Bottomless sleeper! OTHERS: (sans Crow) FALCON! CROW: (whispering) Good one, buddy! >His body, bulging muscles and hers , delicately detailed. >He gently kissed her and pulled her closer to him. They stood there warm in each others embrace. CROW (Molly): Wow, your multiple chest hairs are ticklish! S.KNIGHT: CROW! TUXEDO: Maybe Austin Powers 2 was a bad movie choice after all. >She started kissing him around the neck and slowly moved down his body. TOM: (whistling) Any of you feel like this is gonna take a while? CROW: Yeah, after all, their both naked! Go at it, why don't ya! S.KNIGHT: (Backhands Crow) That's enough outta you! (Falcon Knight falls asleep due to complete lack of action.) >As she was doing this, he pulled her on the bed with him. She was now on top of him. ALL: (groaning) S.KNIGHT: Man, even if this IS a lemon, cant there be a little more action? TUXEDO: Huh? Silver? S.KNIGHT: Well, yes it's terrible, but there should be at least a little action. CROW: Why, Silver, I never knew that you felt that way… S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD! (Crow gets pelted with many energy stars.) TUXEDO: Crow, maybe you should lay off the Austin Powers / hentai comments for a while. S.KNIGHT: If he keeps going, I'm gonna shoot him out the air lock. >She gently rolled off him as his lips touched her chest repeatedly. TOM: *Slurp! Slurp! Slurp!* >He pulled her closer. As they kiss, he felt her tongue twisting with his. FALCON: (waking up) Are we at the good part yet? CROW: Nope. FALCON: Okay. (Goes back to sleep) >His hands wandering around her body, touching her breasts several times. TUXEDO: Does this bug you? Does this bug you? Does this bug you? >He held her breasts and brought his head closer towards it. BOTS: TIT-F(BLEEP)! TIT-F(BLEEP!) TIT-F(BLEEP!) TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE! (Hundreds of roses pierce the Bots. The resulting chaos wakes up Falcon Knight.) FALCON: What happened? Did I miss anything? S.KNIGHT: Just another "head" joke opportunity. FALCON: Aw, man! TUXEDO: Be thankful, Adam. She'd kill you, too. FALCON: Good point. >He then began to suck her nipples. TOM: (Makes a straw-in-empty-glass noise.) TUXEDO: We might try to stop the sound effects as well. >Then she began sucking his ears lobes S.KNIGHT: Huh? Nephrite's a Ferengi? >and slowly made her way down wards to bigger parts of his body. CROW: About damn time, baby! TUXEDO: Crow, stop. Before Silver kills you. >" How long?" >" 5 inches." FALCON: So, when Dikie said the "bigger" parts of his body, he meant the legs and feet, right? TOM: Well, I guess Molly's a poor judge of sizes. (The humans just groan.) >" Very good." She said, her grin getting bigger. And then it appeared out of nowhere. ALL: (Dodging to the left and right.) WOAH! TUXEDO (Nephrite): And Poof! Here it is for all to see! TOM (Eminem): Then I remembered this magic trick… FALCON (Eminem): Da-da-da-da-da-da…. CROW (Eminem): Go Go Gadget Dick! (A small vein is visible on Silver's forehead.) TUXEDO: (Notices Silver's less than happy disposition.) It's almost over, Michelle. Almost… >Her lips touching the sensitive skin. He began shouting wildly. >" Woohoo." TOM (Nephrite): Golly, I'm gonna score! Yippee! >" Yes, yes, yes!" >" Yeah , Baby, Yeah!" CROW: Smashing descriptions, baby! S.KNIGHT: Crow….NO…AUSTIN…POWERS! >And into the cold dark night the shouts of joy echoed. And then they shagged each other. ALL: @_@ TUXEDO: ……So they yell and scream…foreplay the HELL out of eachother….THEN THE DO IT? S.KNIGHT: What bugs me is the choice of terminology they used… (Crow is vibrating in his seat, ready with his entourage of Austin Powers comments.) TOM: Come on, Silver. Please… S.KNIGHT: (sighs) Oh, okay. CROW: Smashing, Baby! TOM: Groovy, Baby! FALCON: Shagadelic! TUXEDO: Shagariffic! S.KNIGHT: Shaguar! Go! CROW: Oh, behave! TOM: Yeah, baby! >It was out of pure love they did this. TOM: Either that, or it was the most painless rape I've ever seen. >They were completely satisfied with each other until morning. As both of them got dressed, they decided >to spend the day together. They walked out holding each other close into o a new day! >The End. TOM: What? FALCON: That's it? CROW: Tons of foreplay, and a ONE LINE SEX ACT? TUXEDO: That wasn't even a lemon! That could've been an annoying lead-in, but it wasn't a lemon! S.KNIGHT: Alex…my head hurts…can we just go? TUXEDO: Gladly, Michelle. CROW: Hey, Silver! Does he make you… S.KNIGHT: (Glaring at him with the evil eye.) Crow…………….. (Crow backs away fearfully as they exit the theater.) @@@@@ (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) BACK ON THE SOL (The temperature on the Satellite has risen about another five degrees since before the movie started. This causes the humans aboard to revert to tank-tops and shorts for comfort. Tuxedo Alex has gone into the back to find a few parts to turn the tables on Dr. Forrester. Crow takes this time to heckle Silver somewhat.) CROW: Well, I guess the heat isn't all bad… S.KNIGHT: One more comment outta you, and WATCH me throw you out of the air lock! FALCON: This is insane. Frank must've been thawing or something… TOM: Hey, Alex! Are you building something back there, or are you actually going to fix this? TUXEDO: (From the back) As a matter of fact… (Tuxedo Alex comes out from the back room carrying a large pipe with a small device attached to the bottom.) TUXEDO: This oughta reverse the heat back to Deep 13 1/3. CROW: (Noticing the pipe) Hey, Silver, does that make you… @@@@@ OUTSIDE THE SOL (Crow is seen blasted outside one of the many air locks.) CROW: HOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…………… @@@@@ BACK ON THE SOL (Sailor Silver Knight has a huge smile on her face. The others look at her strangely. Tom looks very distraught.) S.KNIGHT: I told him I'd blast him out the air lock! Why are you looking at me like that? TOM: Crow! My God! Here I come, buddy! (Tom jumps into the air lock after Crow to "save" his friend.) TUXEDO: Uh, Silver? S.KNIGHT: (Brought out of her joy spell) Huh? FALCON: Do you know what you just did? S.KNIGHT: What? Save us from a lot of head aches? FALCON: Well yeah, but you kinda… TUXEDO: Tom and Crow are heading straight for Deep 13 1/3. S.KNIGHT: ……Oopsy… TUXEDO: (Sighs, and works for a few minutes to install the special device within the heater.) Just a few more adjustments, and then…there! All finished! (The Satellite's temperature goes down considerably.) FALCON: Ah, that's much better! S.KNIGHT: Finally, I can get out of this skimpy thing! FALCON Well… TUXEDO: (Gives Falcon the evil eye.) Well, lets check on the Mads. Say Doc, is it getting hot down there? @@@@@ DEEP 13 1/3 (The temperature of the hide-out has raised at least 20 degrees within five minutes. Many things around the room are either partially or fully melted.) DR. F.: ARGH! This sucks worse than Manos: Hands of Fate! Well, heroes of justice, I didn't want to do this…well, maybe I did, but this lemon was just a test. Next time, you'll be groveling for mercy! HAHAHAHA! (Dr. F. suddenly steps into part of the partially-melted Frank.) DR. F.: Oops. Better get the sponge… (Along the way, Dr. F presses the button, and everything goes black.) @@@@@ Author's Notes Well, this was my first lemon MSTing ever. Since it was so short, I kinda think of it as a test. The next fanfic I do WILL push my limits, as well as some other people. Anyway, hoped you liked it. More Disclaimers Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!) Stinger: And into the cold dark night the shouts of joy echoed. And then they shagged each other. Shameless Self Plug: Coming soon to A Sailor Moon Romance web site will be my first story: The Sailor Moon Chronicles- Return of the Jedite"! It's DONE!!!!…just not posted yet. Also, keep an eye out for "For Whom The Rose Smiles," the Tuxedo Alex origin story!