From: RKoren1030 Save Address Block Sender Date: Fri, 15 May 1998 18:24:50 EDT To: shinji_70@hotmail.com Subject: Sailor Gay (Lemon, Sailor Moon) MST by Spencer. Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 By RKoren "Spencer" 1030 (RKoren1030@aol.com) Legal stuff: MST3K is owned and copyrighted by Best Brains inc. Lina Inverse is property of SOFTX, H. Kanzaka/R. Araizumi, as well as Software Sculptors. Tenchi Masaki and Kamidake are property of Pioneer LCD and Masaki Kajishima. WARNING: This is a Sailor Moon Lemon (And a sour one at that.) I advise that no one under 18 should read this. ENJOY! ______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ Begin Theme song (Sung to the MST3K theme song) In the far and distant future Shin-Seiki Detriot A.D. T'was a regular joe named Spencer Trace Just the same as you or me. He ate and slept and worked and played Yes, his name was Spencer Trace. Then a chick name Bella and a guy name Frank Yep they knocked poor Spencer on the head and shot him into space. Spencer: BAAAAAAAAKKAAAAAAA! Bella: We'll send him cheesy fanfics The worst, we can find! (La-la-la) He'll have to sit and read them all And we'll moniter his mind! (La-la-la) Now keep in mind he can't control When the fanfics begin or end (La-la-la) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his Anime friends! (Zwweeeeeooo!) ANIME ROLL CALL! KAMIDAKE! (Pleasure to meet you!) TENCHI! (Hello there!) LINA INVERSE! (Don't get in my way!) YOOOOOOOOOOO! (Special Anime guest star!) If you're wondering how he gets through it all Through all those crazy fics! (La-la-la) Just repeat to yourself that he has some guts And it's really just for kicks! Watch Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 (BWANNNGG) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge] (The place as been slightly alter to look more like a singing and dancing floor. Kamidake is the only one present.) Kamidake: And now, the Satellite of Like is proud to present... "Tenchi Muyo! The Musical"! (Lina and Spencer walk in. Lina is dresses in a long flowing gown while Spencer is dressed like a rapper. Lina begins singing in her best Megumi Hayashibara voice while Spencer backs her up.) Lina (Singing to the tune of the "Tenchi Universe" Theme song): Can't escape it, ain't no use in hidin'! Spencer: Ain't no use in hidin'! Lina: You're no exception, love'll leave you cryin' too 'till! Spencer: Too 'till! Lina: You're a broken man, poor you! Spencer: Yo pay attention to the satisfation! Cuz Tenchi's gonna show you some action! (Lina continues the song as Tenchi jumps into veiw and starts breakdancing to the tune.) Lina (still singing): Get ready! Cuz' love'll leave you cryin'! Spencer: Gonna leave you where!? Lina: It's gonna hurt you! 'till your heart is dyin'! Spencer: So dyin'! Lina: Can't escape it! Ain't no use in hidin'! Spencer: Can't escape it! Lina: You're no exception, love'll leave you cryin' too 'till! You're a broken man, poor you! (Suddenly the music stops and a beeping sound replaces it. Lina stops singing and Tenchi stops dancing.) Tenchi: And just when I was getting good! Spencer: Let's see what they want. [DEEP 42] Bella: Greetings, little ones. Nice performance but it's no "Rent". [SOL] Lina: What do you have for us today? [DEEP 42] Bella: FRANK! Frank: A sour little lesbian lemon call "Sailor Gay!". (Bella and Frank start to laugh evily.) [SOL] Lina: A LESBIAN LEMON!? (Lina screams and trys to open an airlock so she can shoot herself into space. Tenchi and Spencer grab her just in time.) Spencer: No, Lina! You must be strong! Lina: I'd rather die than to read a lesbian lemon of "Sailor Moon"! (Klaxons blair.) Tenchi: LEMON SIGN! All: AAAAHHHHHH!! (The three scramble into the theater.) [6...5...4...3...2...1...Theater.] ______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ >Sailor Gay! Version 2. (format change) Tenchi: I have a sudden urge to sing "In the navy". Spencer: We're doomed. >Note. >If you do not like indecent material, please turn your head from the >monitor as the text scrolls down your screen. You know the rules. (The trio start to turn their heads away from the screen.) Bella (on the P.A.): Don't even think about it! (All groan) >One day Serena got fed up. Lina (Serena): I'm sick of being in all these sick lemons! >"Fuck it," she said. All: WATCH THE LANGUAGE! >The other Sailors glanced at her in surprise as she got up to make a >declaration: "I'm tired of all this bullshit. You all can say what >you want but what I want to know is, who in here wants to get >butt-naked and fuck me?" Tenchi: Warning! Warning! We have gone out-of-character! >The other Sailors glanced at each other, mouths wide open at this >sudden and frank request. Amy, tugging her cuff nervously, said, "I >would- like- to-" Spencer (Amy): -Get out of this Lemon! Anyone with me? >Serena stared her down, waiting for her to finish. "Well?" Tenchi: Must be "that time of the month". >Mina and Lita were still in shock over the ordeal when Raye stood up. >"Serena what is this?!!" she snarled in her face. Lina (Serena): Just doin' what the author wants. >Serena palmed Raye's face and pushed her backward. "Fuck off!" All: LANGUAGE! >This angered Raye greatly. In a second she was on top of Serena, >beating at her face and tugging her hair. Tenchi and Spencer: Whoo-hoo! Catfight! Catfight! Lina: Geez. >Suddenly Amy leaped on the red-hot Raye and threw her off of Serena. >Raye tumbled backward and hit her head on the wall, incapacitating >her. Spencer: Uh oh, it's starting to turn into a Nav fic! Tenchi: No way, they'd be hacked into two by now. Lina: DiC already does that. >Serena looked over at Raye before turning back to Amy. "Nice throw." Tenchi: So when did Amy get so tough and violent all of a sudden? Spencer: It's a lemon. Created from the writer's own sick, twisted mind. >Lita stood up. "Would someone please explain to me what the FUCK is >going on?" Tenchi: This give a whole new meaning to the name "'Sailor' Moon" >Serena looked at her. "Why are you so mad, Lita-bee? Lina (Lita): That's my name! I'm busy as a bee! >Or, should I say Lita-Bi because you're bi-sexual, hence the reason >I'm asking you in the first place!" Spencer: I've always wondered why these people think of tomboys and strong women as lesbians. Lina: Well I'm quite the tomboy and I'm thankfully not refered to as a lesbian... sadly because "Sailor Moon" seems to be more popular. Even though "Slayers" is 10 TIMES the show "Sailor Moon" is. Tenchi: Oh yeah? Well "Tenchi Muyo!" is 20 times the show "Sailor Moon" is, thus making it 10 times the show "Slayers" is! Lina: Hell no! "Slayers" is far better than "Tenchi Muyo!"! Tenchi: "Tenchi Muyo!" is far superior! Lina: "Slayers"! Tenchi: "Tenchi Muyo!"! (The two then look to Spencer. Waiting for him to give his two cents.) Spencer: Well... both are rather awesome. But I say "Neon Genesis Evangelion" beats them all. (Tenchi and Lina slump back into their seats.) >Lita, normally given to violent fits of anger, tried to stay calm this >time. >"Serena?" >"What?" >"You're right." Spencer (Sarcastic): Oh, my am I not surprised? >Lita ripped off her blouse and posed in the middle of the room. "I am >Lita-Bi, champion of the lesbians of America! Lina: No, that's Ellen DeGeneres Tenchi: I thought this took place in Japan? Spencer: They're using the DiC names. >Thank you Sailor Moon, for helping me be proud of who I naturally am." Lina (Lita): However, I'm not proud of the way I came out. >She undid her bra and laid it softly on Serena's meatballs. Lina: And added some parmesan cheese and noddles to go with it, Tenchi: Good one, Lina. >"Uh, sure," replied Serena nervously. Spencer: Whoa! Sudden personality change! >Mina was watching as the three were kissing and rubbing each other >down. She listened to the sounds. Lina: Uh oh, Mina's hearing things. Tenchi (Demonic voice): Kill 'em... kill 'em all.... >"More breast, damn it!" >"Shutup and fuck!" Then a sniffing noise. Spencer: *sniff sniff* Smells like a buncha young lesbians in here! Tenchi: Spencer... >Haruka walked right into the house and leaped right into the middle of >the heap of girls. Spencer: Well, everything's gone to hell now. Tenchi: It's seldom a lesbian lemon without Sailor Uranus. Lina: Why? Do you have a problem with *Uranus*? Tenchi: No, it's just that *Uranus* can seem a bit steriotypical sometimes. Lina: Do you think man will ever land on *Uranus*? Tenchi: Maybe *Uranus*! Spencer: Ok, enough jokes about Uranus. She's not bad. Lina: We wern't talking about Uranus, we were talking about *Uranus*. Tenchi: Don't make me rip *Uranus* in half! Lina: Not unless I shove a fireball up your a... (Spencer cuts her off.) Spencer: I said enough. >Before anyone could say anything, she said, Lina (Haruka): Put your clothes back on! You're all a disgrace to all the lesbians of the world! Tenchi: Preach it, sister Lina! >"I can smell pussy from anywhere! Spencer (Haruka): Who forgot to take the cats out? >I just knew that you girls would >show your true colors I'm so proud of you all!" Lina (Haruka): But I'm not proud of the author for putting us in this lemon. >At this point, Raye and Mina decided resistance to their sexual >desires was futile, what with the pussy smell that was clouding the >air around them. Tenchi: Someone forgot to clean the kitty litter box. >Staring at each other from across the room, they both undressed completely and >made love to each other. A round of applause came from the four other girls. Spencer (British accent): And there was much rejoicing. Tenchi and Lina (Blandly): Yaaayyy. >Serena looked at a camera on the wall and said, Lina (Serena): Big Brother is watching us! >"Isn't this great we are sailor GAY!" (All groan) Spencer: Ok, guys. When I give the signal, we all trash the theater. Tenchi and Lina: Right. >"MOON LESBO POWER!!!" the others chanted in unison. Spencer: NOW! (Spencer, Tenchi, and Lina jump out of their seats and begin rioting. Chairs are thrown, snapped, dissolved, burnt, and many other unique ways. Spencer stops after a while to look up at the screen.) Spencer: Hey, wait. Lina: What now? Spencer: It stopped... Tenchi: It did!? Spencer: It stopped right there... WE'RE FREE!! (The trio bolt out of the theater, leaving a mass of broken chairs and debris behind in the theater.) Computerized Voice: Begin theater repair. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ [6...5...4...3...2...1...Bridge.] ("Tenchi Muyo! The Musical" continues on. This time Lina is singing "Walk up in galaxy".) Lina: I'll get the guy! He'll hold me close, to the very end of time. When you lose, how you're gonna cry, cuz' the guy... will be mine! (Spencer grabs her legs and lifts her up on his shoulders. Spencer unfortunately looks up just to make sure he's got a good support on Lina. Instead he finds himself looking straight up her dress. Lina, noticing this, stops singing and beats the snot out of him.) Lina: YOU (kick) DIRTY (punch) PEEPING (fire-ball) SEXIST (amekia lance) PIG- HEADED (flare arrow) PERVERT!! Spencer: IT (ow) WAS (ommph) A (owchie) ACCIDENT! (Tenchi averts his gaze at the two fighting as he sees Sailor Uranus materialize in front of him.) Uranus: Greetings, can you tell me where to find the person or persons who made the lemon that disgraced my type so? (Tenchi is thinking of saying that the writer of the lemon was unknown at the time but then he gets a wicked idea in his head.) Tenchi: Yes, I do. (Tenchi shows Sailor Uranus the directions to Deep 42 along with a picture of Bella and Frank. With that, she disappears.) [DEEP 42] (Bella and Frank are looking at the screen. Seeing Lina and Spencer fighting.) Bella: We've got 'em now frank! Frank: They've finally cracked! (Sailor Uranus materializes in front of them, looking rather pissed.) Bella and Frank: Uh-oh. Uranus: You have disgraced my companions, my sexual orentation, and mostly me! In the name of Uranus, YOU WILL BE PUNISHED! Bella: Oh, poopie... ______________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Anime Fanfic Theater 1030 by: RKoren "Spencer" 1030 Sailor GAY by: *unknown* Mystery Science Theater by: Best Brains Inc. Stinger: "MOON LESBO POWER!!!" the others chanted in unison.