Poke-a-mon WRITTEN BY: Hachi Machi, the Chunky Monkey MSTIED BY: Seth C. Triggs a.k.a. Lefty HOST SEGMENT BY: J. D. Gibson a.k.a. Blaine Seth C. Triggs: Yes, this is a Pokemon lemon. Really. You have been warned. At least it's goofy! J. D. Gibson: I can't believe a cousin of mine wrote this. He got mad when I said that I was going to send it to be MSTed. But, the little geek didn't do anything about it because I stomped on his head just for writing it. I felt sick reading it and I'm usually able to sit though lemons for fun. My sympathies to the readers. LEGAL STUFF: All the characters and concepts of MST3K belong to Best Brains. The piece of tripe being MSTed is Hachi Machi's and may he choke on it. Now on with the show! _____________________________________________________________________________ [Roll season 9 theme, Christmas bells play in tune to the music] [*, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, bone with a wreath on it] [SOL] The bridge is decorated for the holidays. Gypsy comes out in front of Cambot. "Hi, everybody. Pearl invited Mike, Tom, and Crow down to the castle for Christmas Dinner. I was told to send you down to them. Right after commercial sign." [Commercial sign lights flash] "We'll be right back." [Commercials: Steven Tyler stars in a Depends(tm) commercial and you can now own the Evil Sun Baby God for $19.99] [Castle Forrester] Pearl, Observer, Bobo, Tom, Crow, and Mike are all sitting around a Christmas tree in the great hall. Bobo is eagerly tearing open a gift he got from Mike. "Hoo...Hoo...It's a silk butt cover!" he says excitedly, holding up a piece of cloth. "Thanks, Mike!" "Don't mention it." Mike says with a smile. "I'm gonna try it on!" Bobo runs off to his room. "Well," Mike says. "looks like it's my turn." "Ohh, open mine. Open mine!" Pearl says, exitedly. He picks up the package and opens it. "Why, it's a pack of printer paper. Why thank you, Pearl. This is a practical and thoughtful gift." "Open it up, Mike." She says with an evil grin. Mike opens the pack and leafs though it. "Hmm...there's printing on some of these." Suddenly he turns slightly green." "What's wrong, Mike?" Crow asks. "Well," began Pearl. "Remember that little thing that I promised you." "Oh no. Tell me it's not..." Tom starts. "Yes, it's the Pokemon lemon." Pearl and Observer begin to laugh. Mike and the bots scream. Observer wiggles his head and Mike and the bots dissapear. Pearl and Observer suddely stop laughing and their jaws hang open as Bobo walks in wearing nothing but the new butt cover. "Whaddaya think?" [SOL] The lights and klaxons are going off as the gang arrives. Mikes yells, "WE HAVE HORRIBLY WRONG LEMON SIGN!!!!!" "What a Christmas..." Tom grumbles. [bone and wreath, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, *] [All enter theater] >The following is a lemon. TOM: [announcer] Had this actually been a good story, the tone you just heard would NOT be followed by dry heaves. > Its based on the game Pokemon. It has fantasy >beastiality, gay sex, and use of a bone asa dildo. CROW: Bone asa? Why not go for a bone *rhonda* dildo? MIKE: Crow, you're not helping... > Pokemon is owned by Game > Boy. These stories are mine mine mien. MIKE: Mien? Is that Vietnamese? If you don't like them... Tehn I have >two words: SUCK IT!!! TOM: [singing] You got to lick it... before you stick it... >It contains scenes best not viewed by ninors CROW: Oh, so *minors* CAN read it! > but you can red it if you want MIKE: Can we "blue" it too? TOM: Think about what you just said, Mike... MIKE: Ick... >because no minors take those rules seriously. TOM: They're known as dupes. >Poke-a-Mon MIKE: [Ziggy Marley] Let's poke it, mon! >By >HACHI MACHI, THE CHUNKY MONKEY!!!!!!! MIKE: The newest Ben & Jerry's flavor! CROW: Hachi-man? TOM: I'll bet he gets spanked a lot too. CROW: Zing! >Part 1: Peek at chu TOM: Oh, he's a voyeur. > It was a hard day on the road that day. MIKE: No pun intended... CROW & TOM: Mike! > Ash was exahasted. TOM: He was also exhausted. CROW: [Ash] Enough with these constant hours! Bite me, Nintendo! > He and >Pikachu had fought an evil samurai with a metapod. MIKE: And the entire Barry Manilow discography. > "I'm tired." Ash said > "Pika pi!" said Pikachu TOM: Translation: Solve e^pi. >Soon Ash came across a natural hotsprings in the woods. CROW: Because we need a lemon trigger. MIKE: Maybe it will be the "Psycho" type of trigger. > "That looks >comfortable"he said. "You stay here Pikachu." > "Pika" said Pickachu. TOM: Looks like Pikachu got eaten by grues. CROW: No, this is just his evil, twisted clone Pickachu. > Ash went to the hotsprings and pulled his clothes of. He amired his >reflection for a minute. He was well hung for a tenyear old. MIKE: His noose afforded a view for miles around! TOM: Yeesh, you're getting as dark as me! > Ash steped >into the pool and sunk down. CROW: They didn't call it "Bottomless Spring" for nothing. Ash sank beneath the surface, never to be seen again. TOM: You're doing it too! > He started to feel himself under the warm water. MIKE: How are you guys doing? CROW: I'm feeling pretty myself today, actually. > "Pickachu went tot eh TOM: Ja, he's really tot, eh? > the edge wich was covered by grass. He started >to watch Ash as he masterbated. MIKE: Ash is the *master* of bation!! > Pikachu soon felt his oun prick starting to >rise out of his yellow fur. Pikachu rolled himself up sa that he could put >his dick into his mouth and still watch ash. CROW: Oh, another self-insertion! [MIKE hits CROW] > Pikachu slowly moved his mouth >up and down the red shaft. TOM: But his hands moved up and down the chartreuse shaft. MIKE: You're not helping, Tom. > He then began to nibble on tehend as he felt it >start to spasm. He eagerly sucked every drop of his juiciness up. CROW: The juice is loose! >Unfortunatle, was this happened, he rolled out into view of Ash. > Ash was startle for a moment. "That must feel good he said." >Pikachu smiled his cute kawwai smile and nodded. "Do it to me" MIKE: Wouldn't he say "Pika me?" TOM: I think Ash said that. > Pikachu walked to ash who had stood up so that his prick was laying >on the grass on the side of the pool. MIKE: [Pikachu, thinking] Damn, I should have tied that on tighter!! > Pikachu opened his mouth and >swallowsed the massive penis. Ash moaned as pikachu swallowed so far that >it wa sin his stomach. CROW: Then the digestive juices kicked in... TOM: [Ash] Aiyeeeeee!! > Pikachu moved up and down on it causing ash to moan >more. TOM: You know, this is probably anatomically impossible. As Ash started to cumm, Picvachu held it so nothng would come out. >Pikachu then inticated to his own erect penis. MIKE: Hey, Crow... have you ever inticated? CROW: None of your business, Mike! > Ash smiled and took the tiny >prick in to his mouth. HE sucked it l;ike a clit and savored the taste. TOM: [Ash] Tastes like ramen! MIKE: This reads like an Oscarfic. >Soon Pikachu came in his mouth. Ash was shocked. Pikachus cum was sweet >like candy. CROW: Nose candy, that is. [imitates sniffing] > Ash swirled it over his tounge and savoured it. Pikachu stared >to pant and lay down. TOM: [Pikachu] Man... this sure takes a lot out of you! > Ash hadf other ppalns . MIKE: ... the hell? CROW: Ash had other palms? TOM: Apparently they're hairy now. > He picked pikachu up and >held his butt to his dick like Pikachu was a fake pussy toy. CROW: Leonardo DiCaprio? TOM: Ouch! > Pikachu >looked a little frightened. "Don't worry." Ash said. Holding onto eighter >side of Pikachu, ash thrust him onto his dick. MIKE: He forgot the *five*er side! CROW: Technically, this is "yiffing". > Blood squirted out as >Pikachu started to squeal. MIKE: The floor got wetter as Mike started to throw up. > Ash pumped him fast. Soon, Pikachu's squeals >became a whimper. Soon, Ash cam in Pikachus tiny bleeding Asshole. TOM: With a capital A? Is it a brand name? CROW: Ash cam! All Ash, all the time! > Ash >pulled hard to get out and did. Ash then snuggled the tiny Pikachu. "I >love you" "Pika" it said. CROW: If I run out of vomit, can I have some of yours? MIKE: Sorry, I already ran out. >Part 2: Cu-BONER TOM: Cu-See-Me? >Misty was walkng thought ehwoods one day. MIKE: So Ehwoods thought Misty was walking one day? CROW: I guess so! > That idiot Ash had gone off on >his own.. TOM: [goofy announcer] They're on a collision course with wackiness! >Misty soon heard a shuffleing in the underbrush. A Cubone with a n enormous >Boneclub came out and advanced on her. "Oh boy, a cubone." Misty threw a >pokeball at it but it hit the ball like a baseball and the pokeball beamed >he rin the head and knocked her out. CROW: Trigger number 2... >She woke up in time to see the Cubone stand ing over her .. He reached out >a hand and pinched her nipple though her shirt. She squealed. At that >touch her pussy came violently soaking her shorts and running on her leg. MIKE: That was quick! CROW: How would you know? MIKE: Crow... TOM: Looks like Misty needs a little Viagra... CROW: And a hanky, too! >Cubone ran tot he crotch and licked the damp mateial. Soon it was tugging >at her shorts trying to remove them. TOM: What's the point? She's done! MIKE: Tom... TOM: But she is! > She smiled and pulled them off. The >Cubone looked curiously at the pink frilly panties. CROW: *BURP* MIKE: Ick... > HE poked at the croch >with his club. Misty moaned. Cuboe then pushed againsts where her pussy >was hard TOM: I take it the author failed "Biology 101". > and the club ripped though the material and into her cunt. CROW: Was that really necessary? MIKE: I dunno... he wrote it was "hard". > This was >her firs t time and her cunt split, gushing blood all over the huge bone. TOM: He's hit a gusher! MIKE: Urp... >She screamed in pain but cubone pushed hard until the bone was tree feet >inside her. CROW: Oh, good... if it were *three* feet inside her, that might be trouble. > He then pulled it out until only the tip was inside and then ran, >shoving it in further causing her to scream. MIKE: For ice cream? > After a coouple of minutes of >this, he pulled it out and shoved it into her mouth. Sshe liked the mix of >cuma CROW: ... sum laude? > dn blood on ther tounge. TOM: This reads like "Chibi-Usa's 7th Birthday." MIKE: Yeah, except Tsunai can spell *slightly* better. > Cuboneleft the bone in her mouth and picked up the pokeball. HE >shoved this into her snatch. HE then took the bone and hoved it in her ass. MIKE: He hovered it? CROW: Cubone takes the phrase "sit on it" to a new extreme... > H e did it so har that the layer of flesh between the anus and the pussy >split makign one hole. CROW: [Bob Costas] That's gonna hurt tomorrow! TOM: Oh, for fun... now we get mutilation. MIKE: I think Chunky Monkey has some issues with Pokemon. > Misty screamed as Cubone pumped her hard. She soon >came. Cubone opened its mouth eand the cum squirted into his mouth. Cubone >reached into her pussy and pulled out the ball. TOM: Women make such excellent storage containers! Mike, order me a woman now! > He then opened it and >climbed in. Misty sat there for a few minutes and then put her clothes >back on. She smiled as she picke dup CROW: She picked her dupa? MIKE: Ewww. > the Pokeball. Tha t wa sthe most fun >pokemon battle she had ever had.. CROW: A *Tailhook* kind of battle, mind you... >The End >That's it. Great huh? TOM: Oh, bite me. >If yo u have any flames C&C or viruses, send them to >Kiss.my.ass.com MIKE: After that, you can stop by Get.a.life.com. CROW: Looks like Chunky Monkey needs a spanking. TOM: He's done enough of that, ifyaknowwhatImean... MIKE: [laughs] > Tanks to Game boy for making Pokemon and to the 1st amendment who ceeps TOM: Creeps? CROW: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the First Amendment! >people like me in business.HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH I wil be the next Oscar. I >will fill my masters palce. MIKE: I will write choppy sentences. Like this. I will use no commas and will employ the most clumsy prose I can find. TOM: Geez, at least Oscar didn't have a "one-touch" trigger. CROW: Let's go. >7/1/98 CROW: [as he is leaving] A day that will live in infamy... [*, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, bone and wreath] [SOL] Mike is standing behind the console, drooling and staring off into space. Crow is pacing and Tom is in a doctor's coat running tests. "It's no use, Crow. He's gone." Crow's jaw drops open and they start to cry. [Castle Forrester] Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are also standing with their jaws open, but a different emotion is running though their minds. "I did it." Pearl says. "I ACCUALLY DID IT!!!" Pearl begins to jump for joy. Observer and Bobo start dancing until Observer remembers that Bobo is only wearing a butt cover and pushes him away. Pearl pops the cork on a bottle Dom Dairy Aire. They begin celebrating and singing carols. "This is my best Christmas ever!" Pearl exclaims. [SOL] Mike is standing with his finger in his nose. "Duh...I like milk." The bots are all crying. Suddenly, Gypsy runs (slithers?) in. "Did you forget the plan we made in case this happened?" she exclaims. "But, I agreed when it was just theory," says Tom. "Yeah," says Crow. "I never thought that we would actually have to do it." "Do you boys want to save Mike?" Gypsy says. "Yes," Tom and Crow say like dejected children. "Yuh..." Mike says with a goofy smile. "Then," Gypsy starts, "lets do it. Operation: Pearl's Grinch." The bots run off camera. [Castle Forrester] Everyone stops celebrating to see what is going on. [SOL] Mike, Crow, Tom, and Gypsy are all dressed like big-hair eighties rockers, complete with poofy, long hair. Even Cambot has on a wig, because you can see wisps of blonde hair on the sides of the screen. "I can't I'm about to do this." Crow mutters. "Come on... Do it for Mike." Tom says. Crow turns on a boom box. It starts to play "Seventeen" by Winger. They all start to dance. Even Cambot starts to sway. Soon, Mike begins to move side to side. "It's working!" Gypsy yells. "Crank it up!" Tom turns the boom box up to maximum. Soon, Mike goes all out and begins dancing like the geek from "Hobgoblins". Then, Mike stops and looks around. "Guys, what's going on?" Tom turns the music off. "Mike, your better!" Crow exclaims. "What happened to me?" Mike asks. "Somehow, the whole force of the lemon hit you at one time. Pearl actually won. We were able to bring you back using the nostalgia of your youth." Tom explains. "It was hard, Mike, but we did it." Crow says. "Aww...guys," Mike says smiling, "This proves that you do like me." "Are you kidding?" Crow says. "With you gone, who's gonna make those little donuts we like?" "Or clean my room?" Tom says. "Or warm my underwear in the oven on cold mornings?" Crow says. Mike and Tom look at Crow. "Crow, you're a naked robot. You don't wear underwear." Mike says. "Well," Crow says, "If I did, I'd get you to do it." Mike shrugs. [Castle Forrester] Pearl is fuming. A large vein popping out of her forehead and Observer and Bobo are hiding behind the tree. Pearl tries to calm down. "Brainguy, do it." she says. Observer nods and wiggles his head. [SOL] The boom box and wigs disappear. [Castle Forrester] "There," Pearl says. "Now you can't ever help him again. This fic is useless on you now, since you've already seen it once. But, I can still send it all over the world. BWA HAH HAH HAH HAH!" She turns to the hiding Observer and Bobo. "Where is it?" "Hoo hoo...right here." Bobo starts to bring it to her but trips. The fic lands near where a bunch of plugs are in the wall. It sparks and catches the fic on fire. They all scream as the fic is burned to ashes. Pearl balls her fists and looks at Bobo. "OK, you have to the count of ten to start running." Bobo takes off and Pearl starts counting. "One, two, ten." She takes off after him." [Credits] MST3K created by JOEL HODGSON MST3K produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. Riffs written by SETH C. TRIGGS (trigsc41@buffalostate,edu) Host segments written by J.D. GIBSON (Blaine_dan@hotmail.com) Original fanfic written by Hachi Machi, the Chunky Monkey Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. This MSTing is a work of fiction based upon another work of fiction. Silly Rabbi, Kix are for trids. Keep circulating the fics 8 December 1998 >I wil be the next Oscar. I will fill my masters palce.