WARNING: This fic contains very mature and sickening themes. I was able to MiST it only because I have an "iron constitution". Thank you. "A Black Day" A Sailor Moon Lemon MiSTing by Seth "Lefty" C. Triggs (trigsc41@buffalostate.edu) This is my first MiSTing ever. Please feel free to give constructive criticism so that I can write better MiSTings. I decided not to cut out the explicit material, because otherwise there wouldn't be anything left to MiST. with help from Timothy McLees (shinji_70@hotmail.com) This being his first MSTing I offered to assist him. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I felt obliged to trim some of the lemon content. I left in the exciting climax though (can't believe I just said that ) I needed the practice for my upcoming MSTing the conclusion to "The Mihoshi Incident" Sailor Moon is the property of DIC and some people over in Japan somewhere. "Black Day" belongs to Oscar (and believe us, he can keep it). We are not trying to violate copyrights and all that, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, please enjoy (without throwing up!) -Seth & Tim ----------------------------------------------------------------- [Roll Season 8 theme] [*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL: TOM is dressed in a small, cheap tux and top hat while CROW is lying prostrate across the desk, with an obviously fake replica of his head alongside his own.] MIKE: Hello, welcome to the Satellite of Love. Tom and Crow are performing a magic show for all of us [under breath] It's pretty lame, though. TOM: [whiny] Mi-ike!! MIKE: Oh, sorry. [TOM stands, er, floats behind CROW and the desk.] TOM: For my next trick, ladies and gentlemen, it's a classic...I'm going to saw Crow's head off and have him magically escape *unscathed*!! Gypsy? [GYPSY pushes on screen a large Craftsman table saw.] MIKE: Where the hell did you get *that*?!! TOM: SILENCE!! [clears throat] And now, my fan-tastic illusion! [TOM slides the platform of the saw under CROW's heads. As TOM turns on the saw, the vibrations cause the appropriately cheap head to fall, leaving only CROW's real head exposed!] CROW: Uh, T-T-Tom... TOM: QUIET!!! CROW: Oh, poopie. [The saw passes through] TOM: And now, Crow will get up unharmed and unsca--[looks down] eh...umm..Oh, look-it's commercial sign. MIKE: We'll be back. [Commercials] [SoL] [CROW's head is reattached, and he is really P.O.ed] TOM: I'm really, really, really sorry!!! GYPSY: Yeah, Tom, you should be. TOM: I'm sorry! I should have quit while I was ahead. [CROW jumps up and lunges at TOM. Red MADs light flashes.] MIKE: *Cut* it out, you two. Mata Hari and Lancelot Link are calling. [Winged Minibus of Doom] PEARL: Hello, Nelspot, Servo, Art. [SoL] ALL: [blandly] Hello. [WMoD] BOBO: I see there were some *heads* rolling, hyuk, hyuk! [SoL] CROW: Oh, bite me. [WMoD] PEARL: Aww, did my little diddums have a nasty accident? I've got a little one of my patented cures for it. The toxic, putrid sequel to "Artemis' Lover", complete with Luna the cat! And it's authored by your old friend Oscar! It's called "Black Day", and it's just as putrid as the original. Enjoy!! [SoL] BOTS [Begin shuddering, then scream]: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MIKE (uneasy): Guys, is there something I should know about this Oscar? TOM (whispers to MIKE) CROW: That's a cure!? What are you, Dr. Kevorkian's niece? [WMoD] PEARL: No, just evil. Send 'em the fic, Bobo. BOBO: Yo-kee-do-kee. Boy, Mrs. F, you're always a*head* of the game!! [SoL] MIKE (horrified): A self-insertion lemon with a *CAT!?* CROW: ARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! TOM: You okay, Crow? MIKE: Crow? CROW: It hurts, Mike! MIKE: Your head? CROW: No! the puns! [lights and klaxon go off] ALL: WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!! [Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*] TOM:[Monty Python-esque] It's... >"Black Day" > >by MIKE: Louis Farrakhan. >Oscar "Artemis's lover" TOM: This is gonna go down hard, guys. CROW: Brace yourself, Mike. MIKE: There's no place like home, there's no place... >E-mail oscaralfonso@hotmail.com CROW: Now I know where to dump my viruses. > Author notes: Well this storie has more action TOM: If you can call it that. >than sex so don't expect a lot from this one ok? MIKE: I won't. >also, reading my first h-fanfic >"Artemis's lover" is prefered, TOM: To induce vomiting. >some plot twist carry on into this storie, >Intro: > As a dark star reaches earth, Luna & Artemis grow concerned. CROW: If it's a dark star, how can they see it? MIKE: Could be the Death Star. TOM: Actually, I think it's the Eye of Folgler. ALL: BIG FIRE! > They sence a great evil aproximating. And it will take >everything from the scouts to destroy it. TOM: "The great evil approximating"? Ehh?... MIKE: It was...Saban Entertainment! CROW: GYAH! >A Black Day: >It was 9:12am and Oscar woke up, stretching up and trying to open his >eyes, "AAAHUUMM. Another day, another life" MIKE: Oscar, evil incarnate. > Oscar said >"Don't you think Artemis?" CROW: [Artemis] Yes. Don't you? > he asked Artemis, but he wasn't around "Damn!! I hate when he >does >that!" TOM: [Oscar] He left the seat up! > he said frogning, and going into the shower. MIKE: *Frogning?* TOM: I guess that means hopping like a frog. I don't know!! CROW: Uh-oh. *That* shower again. >Meanwhile Artemis was outside with Luna, "Artemis, you felt it too, >didn't you?" CROW: Uh, yeah, Luna!... Well, I was young, and Oscar was just so cute... MIKE: That's enough, Crow. > Luna asked Artemis "Yes, it's a great amount of evil, coming towards >earth" TOM: The Dallas Cowboys have returned from outer space. > Artemis said as he shivered "We have to tell the others!" Luna said as >she turned back and left, CROW: Why? Who cares about their silly hominid hides? > "OK!" Artemis replied, as he went home. >Oscar came out of the bathroom, still wet from the shower. TOM: Well, what else would he be wet from? CROW: That jar of baby oil might have something to do with it... MIKE (Shudders) > Artemis showed up "Artemis, where have you been?" Artemis >still looked scared TOM: [Artemis] Oscar, are you putting on a *thong*? > "Artemis, is everything allright?" Oscar asked >concerned >"In fact, no. Something evil is coming towards earth, and i don't know >if we can stop it!" CROW: Then concerned asked, "Oscar, why are you asking me an answer, dickweed?" > Oscar got scared "SHIT! Guess i'll have to use my fighting >abilities again,uh?" BOTS: WHAT?!! MIKE (dubbed kung-fu mentor): Your-a kung fu is-a pretty bad. TOM: This I've *got* to see > Artemis smiled at him "Right...". CROW (Artemis, sarcastic): Fighting abilities, yeah, uh-hum... MIKE (Ditto): He's gonna die... >Meanwhile, TOM: ...In the backstory, > Usagi was still asleep, dreaming with Andrew CROW: Brace for impact, Mike. MIKE: I think I can, I think I can... >"UHH....yes...Andrew..AHH!" she moaned softly "Andrew...it's soo >BIG..ughmm" TOM: [Andrew] Thanks! Looks like that $700 didn't totally go to waste! > she was now getting wet, and Luna was asleep over her crotch, >she felt >her juices flowing down her legs, soaking her panties, her covers, and >finally Luna's legs. MIKE: CROW: [Usagi] Damn! Should not have used a whole bottle of Ex-Laxx! MIKE: You're not helping, CROW! > Luna felt something warm below her, she opened her eyes, just to see >Usagi moaning "AHH...UMMUHM" CROW: Umm-umm-good... > Luna smiled "hmm...she must be having a really good >dream" TOM: A *wet* dream! > she said, as she went inside the bed covers, pulled Usagi's >panties, and started licking her juices [Everyone, Including the readers, retch] MIKE (nauseous): Errrr... Is the ceiling leaking again? > "UMM ... Andrew ... yes ... lick me" she said, as she felt >tickling warm tounge, tease and flick her clit, when Luna heared Usagi, >she giggled and tought CROW: [Luna] I'm a bad old putty tat! MIKE: > "Poor Usagi, she's soo inocent" and >continued licking her, she then >went inside Usagi's neglije and started licking and playing with her >breasts and nipples, Usagi moand softly, but her breath came into short >gasps, TOM: *Moand*? Is Oscar any relation to Stephen Ratliff? MIKE (Stands up with a umbrella, conviently covering the wretched scene): Where the heck is that leak coming from? Hmmm... CROW: Good timing, Mike! [MIKE stands around looking around for the "leak" and begins to sit down. Tim's Note's: Yes I'm skipping the majority of this scene. Bite me.] TOM: Well, that should be... >Luna smiled "Ohh, Usagi, see? I'm better than >Andrew" she >then, pushed the dildo all inside Usagi. ALL: GYYYYAHHHH!!!!! MIKE Collapses in his seat TOM: I'm givin' 'er all she's got, Cap'n! CROW: Ewww. > Usagi again spurted out cum >from her cunt. Luna kept darting the >dildo in and out, making Usagi's body to spasm even more. Luna then >turned off the dildo and pulled it slowly, out from Usagi's cunt. "She >should have enjoyed her pleasure ride" CROW: Please exit directly to the right as the dildo comes to a complete stop. TOM: Crow! we're losing Mike! Say something, man! > Luna said as she licked the cum out from the dildo. CROW: Oh puke! [monster vomit] Usagi's breath slowed down, as >her pleasure went off. Luna said >"i'd better hide this thing in another place" TOM: [Luna] Where's Oscar when you need him, er, her, er, it?! CROW: Aw, geez, Mike vegged out on us! MIKE (dumbly): Guuuu...I had jello today... > as she hid it under >Usagi's matresess. And Luna curled up over >Usagi's crotch and sat there until Usagi woke up. when she woke up, she >saw her bed all wet, and gasped MIKE: [suddenly better, as Usagi] "Damn! Luna, did you put my hand in warm water again!" TOM and CROW: Glad you're all better, Nelson. MIKE: I think I can last the rest of the story. Just give me a second. > "Oh my. I hope that Luna didn't noticed this. CROW: [Usagi] My incontinence! >Luna heard her and said silently "Oh Usagi, i didn't,he he >he". >Later that day everyone, even Oscar, where at Rei's temple, MIKE: Rei's *temple*? CROW (Rei): It's mine now, all MINE! BWAH, hahahahaha! > trying >to make some sort of an attack plan. TOM: Okay, you go there, you there, you stay, I go there... CROW: Oscar, you draw fire while we stay in the all-concealling Shadow (tm) > Rei nodded "Well, i really can't see what or who, is on that star" >everyone was thinking, even Usagi. TOM: For once. > Suddenly Artemis said "EVERYONE DUCK!!!!" Oscar grabbed Artemis and >protected him with his body, as a loud BOOM came from outside,everyone >was scared. CROW: But everyone later discovered that Mr. Kagasaki had just maxxed out the volume on his HI-FI system. >And went out just to see the city in ruins, the streets cracked, >buildings destroyed, MIKE: Stuff happened, It was cool. TOM: The mountains moved, The earth shook,... CROW: Bill Clinton was re-elected... > many people didn't >survived. But Rei gor furious as she saw her >grandfather and Chad crushed by a pillar!!! she yelled "NOW IT'S >PERSONAL!!!!!"A then everyone transformed. TOM: [Rei] Yeah! Millions died before, but since *Chad* snuffed it, I'M PISSED OFF! CROW: [Rei] He was *so* dreamy!! >"VENUS STAR POWER, MARS STAR POWER, MERCURY STAR POWER, >JUPITER STAR >POWER, MOON CRYSTAL POWER!!! (all) MAKE UP!!" MIKE: ...the hell? BOTS: Wonder Twin powers...ACTIVATE! >Oscar yelled as he concentrated all of his power "KHAAAAA!!! CROW: SUUUUUURGE!!!! SAIYA-JIN POWER!!!!" (Everyone stops & looks up in shock) MIKE (blinks eyes, then in a familiar raspy voice): What did you just say?... > Oscar's hair turned gold and up, CROW (jaw drops open): ... TOM: Oh. Oh *GOD!* > Artemis gasped as he saw Oscar transformate TOM: What? He's Italian now? CROW: [Italian accent] I'm a gonna transformate here, goomba. MIKE slowly stands up and begins glowing (!?) >"O...Oscar you...", MIKE (Dubbed Vegeta): Freak!!! > Oscar looked Artemis with a smile "Yes Artemis, i'm a >SAIYA-JIN" Artemis smiled proudly " wow, not only is he an >hermaphrodite, but a SAIYA-JIN AS well" TOM: As if that's something to be proud of. MIKE (Vegeta): Silence, infidel! I will destroy this shameful imposter! CROW: You mean "send to another dimension..." MIKE (Vegeta): The hell with Saban! I'm smiting his happy gaijin ass! Ki-YAHH!!! (A strange light emits below, then smoke and rumbling. Suddenly, it abruptly stops, and Mike begins coughing & weezing) CROW: Y'Know, we warned you about that... MIKE (now normal): Just had to get that out of my system... TOM: Don't blame ya. Writing yourself up as a Super Saiyen, off all the... > the sailor scouts and Oscar >held hands, CROW: [Usagi] Ewww! Oscar! Your hands are sticky! MIKE: CROW!! > and yelled "SAILOR - TELEPORT" the ground shaked and they >disappear, Artemis said "Good luck, my love. TOM: [Artemis] Heh, heh...you'll need it, Oscar. The fight's in cellblock 19 of Kahio Prison. Those boys are *really* lonely up there. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! >It was a rough fight up there, TOM: Which I won't bother telling you about. CROW: Hey! He said there was more action than sex!! MIKE: What did you expect? This is an Oscar Sailor Moon lemon! > and Oscar came back dead, ALL: YEAHHHH!!! TOM: I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is. >Artemis cryed, MIKE: He still owes me 200 yen! > for him, but Usagi took her silver crystal and gave him the >enough energy to live, ALL: WHAT?!! > AUTHOR LAST NOTES: This storie was in the first place, VERY long, but >when i tried to save it it said "insuficient memory left in you page" >or something like that. soo when you E-mail me, consider this ok? >Especially you Artemis&Luna ALL: WHAT? WHY? THE HELL? CROW: Is that a cop-out or what? MIKE: Guys, count your blessings. It could have been much longer. [MIKE and BOTS shudder at this thought.] > THE END....FOR NOW TOM: Well, at least it's over. MIKE: Let's get out of here. [*,1,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone] [SoL] CROW: Guys, this is as bad or *worse* than Artemis' Lover. TOM: You know, Ratliff is looking pretty good to me right now... [A large flash of light appears outside SoL] MIKE: ...the hell? Cambot! Quick! Give me Rocket #9! [A big, er, hot dog-shaped vessel comes out of warp behind the Winged Microbus of Doom.] [WMoD] BOBO: Um, Mrs. Forrester... PEARL: [annoyed] *What*, Bobo? [A gaudily dressed humanoid beams into back seat] OSCAR: Greetings! I am SAIYA-JIN! I am scouting for my harem! Your simian friend will do nicely! [OSCAR grabs BOBO] BOBO: NOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOO!!! HELP ME!!!!!! [OSCAR and BOBO beam out of WMoD] PEARL: I think I better go. Until next time, Nelson. [inches WMoD away] OSCAR:[from inside ship] Artemis, Luna, could you be good kitties and grab that jar of baby oil for me? Thanks. BOBO: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! [Fade to credits, BOBO's assorted screams of anguish can be heard in background as credits roll] riffs written by SETH "LEFTY" C. TRIGGS and TIMOTHY MCLEES MST3K created by JOEL HODGSON MST3K produced by BEST BRAINS, INC. depraved hentai fanfic written by OSCAR (oscaralfonso@hotmail.com) All characters, places and such from Mystery Science Theater 3000 are copyright 1997 Best Brains, Inc. Craftsman is a trademark of Sears, Roebuck & Co. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction, so any insults directed towards Oscar and his zoophilia are just for fun. Okay? Okay? S'Allright. Standard disclaimers apply. I'm doing this for fun, not for money. > Artemis smiled proudly "wow, not only is he a hermaphrodite, but a > SAIYA-JIN as well!" Keep circulating the posts 14 August 1997 In memory of Oscar KL (1996-1998) Visit the Shrine O' Oscar http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Oscar.html