The Mystery Science Theater 3000 concept & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc., whereas the figures are copyright of Blizzard, Square, and Working Designs. The Sonic characters are copyright of Sega (duh) and Archie Comics (hwuh?). This story copyright of Bookshire S. Draftwood. By the way, this story is...uh, maturely oriented. Get permission before reading it. If there is anyone we do not insult during this session, our apologies. (1--2--3--4--5--6) (Satellite of Mojo.) (Garland and Adol are busy tinkering with a bit of machinery on the table. Dekar is reading an instruction manual.) Dekar: Okay. Step 452: Insert Positronic Brain into cranial cavity, fitting it onto the spinal nub. (Adol puts the brain into one part of machinery, which we can now see is a complex robot.) Garland: Next? Dekar: Step 453: Activate Motor and Logic Enhancers. (Adol flicks stuff on the back.) Garland: Done. Dekar: Okay. (reads) Congratulations! You have constructed an EB-100 series robot! Just turn on and enjoy wonderful companionship! (looks up) Okay, where's the on switch? (pause) Adol: On switch? Oh yeah! (he flicks a button on the back of the robot's head. Robot rises up.) Robot: Salutations. EB-102 series robot "Gamma" at your service. I was activated and programmed in 1999 at Robotnik Industries in Moebius. I am programmed to protect and serve. (pause) Would you like to hear a song? Adol: Uh...sure, Mr... Gamma: Gamma, sir. Adol: Right. Gamma. Gamma: (sings) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the...(pause) Er... Garland: What? Gamma: Reprocessing. Rebooting. (pause) Right. (sings) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. But I can't afford a Yugo, and I... (pause) No, that is not it. Dekar: Well, Gamma. That's... Gamma: Wait, sir. (sings) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the... Adol: Yes, Gamma. Gamma: Concentration lost. Restarting. Dekar: Gamma... Gamma: (sings) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. But I need a little marriage, and I...I...hang on. I remember it from last time. (Garland hits light) ___________________________________________________________________ Yes, it's //TRK: Professional\\ ! Happy Happy Fun Time Written by R. Jak (WYVERN5555@aol.com) Episode 104: Smut ___________________________________________________________________ (back to the Mojo. Gamma is still trying to sing Daisy. The crew looks a bit bored.) Gamma: (sings) ...I'm half crazy, all for the love of glue. (pause) Glue? Dekar: You give up now? Gamma: Hold on, sirs. One more time. (sings) Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. But I can't afford a carriage, and I hate old Freddy Savage... (red light comes on.) Garland: Save it, bot. It's Judge Jury and his Legion of Funk. (hits button) Protoss HQ (Aldaris at the panel. Zeratul and Tassadar are in the background playing air hockey.) Aldaris: Ah, yes. En Taro Adun to you again, fellow colleagues. Glad to see you are in prime condition, well souls, yadda yadda whatever. We are kind of busy now. But we brought a nice fanfic for you. I am sure you will enjoy it. Let us not mince around the bush, so to speak. We have to get things rushing. Avanti to the theater. Mojo (The group looks puzzled.) Gamma: (sings) Daisy, Daisy... All: Shhhh! Gamma: Sorry. Adol: Why the rush, o great alien thing, sir? Dekar: What's the topic now? More RPGamer editorials? A poorly done Xenogears fanfic? (pause) A...Sabrina Online Lemon, perchance? Garland: Those exist? Adol: They have a Forever Knight/Andy Griffith crossover. Never know. PHQ (Aldaris knots his brow.) Aldaris: Uh...no, we have not found that yet. But if we DO... (clink) Zeratul: May you rot in Hades, foul Executor! Tassadar: Come off it! You missed that fair and square! I lead five-three! (Aldaris turns around) Aldaris: Desist your foul moaning! I am TALKING here! Zeratul: (sheepishly) Our apologies, Judicator. (Aldaris, sighs, and turns to the Mojo crew) Aldaris: Right. It is a Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction. You know, the one we've been trying to find for a few months now? But it doesn't have Sonic in it. Mojo Garland: A Sonic fanfiction WITHOUT Sonic. That's kinda like having a Buffy story without Buffy. Adol: But we don't really care. A fic's a fic, right? (the crew nods) Dekar: Yeah. It was Adol's suggestion in the first place. Adol: I just said something furry. (the group just stares at Adol) Adol: Not in that way. Dekar and Garland: Oh. PHQ Aldaris: That is correct. Now scat! (pause) Oh, by the way, you MIGHT want to turn on the Hentai Filter on Gamma EB-102. It is a bit...raunchy according to our forward scout who brought it. (Aldaris pushes button) Mojo Garland: Did he say hentai filter? Adol: It's on his torso here. (he pushes a button. Gamma beeps.) Gamma: Hentai mode engaged. All systems nominal. Scanning...(it looks around) Scan complete. Prepared to censor and moderate. (flashing lights and stuff) Adol: And about time. Fanfic sign! (they run out) (6-5-4-3-2-theater) Dekar: Garland, I'm having a bad feeling about this. Garland: I know how you feel. Gamma: Booting up. Analyzing writing. > --------------------------------------------------------- Gamma: Morse code translation: "bouncy bouncy bouncy". Adol: We didn't need to know that, Gamma. > One Busy Night - Chapter One: Tails' Bedtime Story (M/F) > An Sonic story by Bookshire S. Draftwood Dekar: Because as we all know, people who sound like SCA dropouts write the best fanfiction. Garland: Hey, wasn't that the character Groucho Marx played in "A Night at the Opera"? Gamma: Negative. That character was "Otis P. Driftwood". Garland: No kidding. Gamma: It IS! > based on characters created by Service and Games (SEGA) Inc. Adol: I didn't know it was an acronym. Dekar: We learn new things in every session. > and on characters created by Archie Comic Publications, Inc. Garland: Jughead's in it? Adol: Actually, if Betty and Veronica were in this, I'd... Gamma: The author is referring to the comic of Sonic the Hedgehog, which is released by Archie comics. There is no real proof that the Archie characters will appear in this. Dekar: Not even Mister Weatherbee? Gamma: No. Dekar: That stinks. > This text was created to comply with the 'Free Use' clause in the United > States Copyright Law, Adol: Which will be revoked after this is done. > to the best of the author's ability and knowledge. > Any original characters and locations appearing in this work not > owned by SEGA or Archie Garland: ...will defer to the estate of the undersigned forthwith unless any are proved to be less than an acceptable frame of mind. > are the property of the author and protected under Statutory Copyright. Dekar: That's not like statutory rape, is it? Adol: Erm...no. > NOT for readers under legal age in their city and/or state for viewing > sexually explicit materials. Garland: That reminds me. Which state are we in now? Adol: We're in space, bonehead. Garland: Oh. (pause) so we have no Comstock law here? Adol: Doubt it. > Author's note: If there's any plot line in here besides a purely sexual one, > it's coincidental, since the sexual one is the main reason I'm writing this. Dekar: At least he's sincere about this. Gamma: Warning. Admission of this means less than sincere depictions. All: Ho boy... > Story: Adol: OK, storytime. Dekar and Garland: AAAAAAAAH! > It was early in the evening in KnotHole, but already the sun had sunk below > the horizon and darkness had settled on the quiet village. Dekar: So it technically wouldn't be EARLY evening. Gamma: Actually, sir, it... (Dekar flips a switch on Gamma's switch.) Gamma:...oh, I get it. Adol: What was that? Dekar: Sarcasm detector. Garland: Thanks. > Through the area, Freedom Fighters were slowly widning Adol: ...due to high fat diets. > down from the day's activities, relaxing for a restful night. Dekar: Before, perhaps, another self-inserted skunk comes along, leads them in a mission to blow something up, chews the scenery, and sleeps with all the women. (Adol looks at Dekar.) Dekar: ...if I get typical Sonic fic logic right. Adol: ...right. > Tails was, as usual, being tucked into bed by Sally Garland: (sarcastic) As usual. Sure. > who made a note of doing so every night, Gamma: Am detecting Freudian nurturing instincts. Noting. Dekar: Freudian...oh boy, that's not a thing I want to hear from a lemon story early in... Garland: Calm down, Dek. I thought you liked this stuff. Dekar: Sure, the same way I like Idura, dolt. > as well as reading him a story from the many books she had access to. Adol: Bet ya it was the Communist Manifesto. Garland: Nah. She's royalty. Adol: Harry Potter? Dekar: They hate humans. Adol: (reluctant) Redwall? Dekar and Garland: Nail on the head. > "...and they lived happily ever after," Sally said with a smile as she > closed the book and set it aside. Dekar [Sally]: Now go get Aunt Sally a bourbon. > Tails smiled and snuggled a little more under his covers. > "That was a great story, Aunt Sally," he said with a smile. Garland [Tails]: But will the villagers EVER find Huey's head? > Sally smiled and nodded. > "Yes, it's certainly one of mmy favorites," Adol: Dammit, it IS the Communist Manifesto! Garland: Cut it out. > She smiled and looked at Tails for a moment then spoke again "Although, I > think you're beginning to get a little old to be read to." > "Aww, Anut Sally," Tails began... Gamma: Detecting Thinker like spoonerisms. Possible one-handed typing exists. Dekar: Gamma, that's not very nice. Gamma: I call as I see, blue hair boy. Dekar: Huh? > they had had this talk before > "I'm only eleven...you can still read to me." Garland: He's only eleven? Adol: Now, if he's supposed to be the pitcher in this... Garland: ...and Sally's the catcher... (pause) Adol: Dekar, remember when you said something about statutory rape near the beginning? Dekar: I don't have the slightest idea on what you're talking about. > Sally smiled. "Look Tails, you're starting to grow up...and there's > nothign wrong with that, Adol: Yes there is. > of course, but you are, none the less," she said. > "Don't wanna grow up," Tails said. Garland [Sally]: Yes you do. Adol [Tails]: No, not r... Garland [Sally]: GODDAMMIT, YES YOU DO! Adol [Tails]: Whoah. Okay. > "Oh come on now," Sally said, fuzzling his headfur "There are lots of > good things about growing up." > "Like?" Tails insisted. Garland: You can drink beer. Adol: And vote. Dekar: Or you can do both! > Sally thought a moment. > "Well, you get to make more decisions for yourself Garland [Tails]: Like Uncle Sonic does with eating chili dogs at breakfast? Adol [Sally]: No, that's a vice. > as you become more responsible," she said "You can do mroe thigns that grown > ups do..." Dekar: Like talking unintelligibly. >"Like what you an Sonic do?" Tails interuppted. > Sally halted at this point at looked at him a moment. > "What is it that we do that your'e talking about?" she asked carefully. Garland [Tails]: I was referring to conjugal union, nookie, sexual inter... Adol [Sally]: Oh. I thought you were talking about the constant bickering. Garland [Tails]: That's less entertaining. > "Well, a few nights ago," Tails said "I heard lots of noise coming from your > room. Dekar: No, that was the aftermath of the chili dogs. Adol: Dekar, lay off the chili dog angle. Dekar: Oh, please... Adol: NO! Dekar: Sheesh. > Waht were you two doing in there?" > Sally remembered... Gamma: Warning. Imminent left field innuendo approaching. Garland: Yeah, that's fine. (the group sips their sodas) > that was the night Sonic had intruduced her to anal sex... (almost on cue, the group spits out their drinks and gag.) Gamma: You were warned. Adol: (coughing) I'll remember that, bot! > by the goddess, did it hurt at first... Dekar: *cough* Well, it should! Garland: How do you know? Dekar: Well, it...I don't know through personal experience, mind you, but... Adol: Dekar, just forget it. Dekar: Right. (he puts the drink aside) > but how much should Tails know? Garland: He's eleven. He should know about it now. Adol: He could give TIPS, for crissakes! Dekar: No he shouldn't. > She certainlky knew he'd start asking soon enough anyway...assuming > he didn't already know... Garland: Well, that's debatable. Adol: Who doesn't know? Dekar: I thought she fancied Knuckles, anyway. > "Well..." she began "Sonic and I were...well..." > Tails watched her carefully as she finally decided to come out with it. Adol [Sally]: I'm a lesbian. Garland: Not come OUT, dolt. Come out with it! Adol: Right. [Sally] Sonic's a les... Dekar: Forget it. It's dead. Gamma: Sonic is a lesbian? That does not compute. (Garland whacks Gamma with the end of his sword.) Gamma: Ow. > "Sonic and I were having sex," she said, quite firmly, to make > sure she could get it all out. Adol: (rereading the sentence) Get...it...all... Dekar: Jeez, that sounds kinky. And this is only the beginning. Adol: That's what worries me. Garland: Stay calm, people. > Tails blinked as Sally waited for his reaction. > "IS that all?" Tails said surprisingly. Dekar: O_o. Garland [Tails]: I mean, what position? What type of lubricant? Did you shower? Dekar: You're sounding like me now, Gar. Garland: What? Sorry, just playing the character. Adol: Too well. > Sally blinked. > "YOu mean...you know about sex?" she asked? > Tails nodded. Garland [Tails]: Do I know about...excuse me, but remember that TCP/IP line you got for the computer? What do I NOT know about sex? > "Yeah...Sonic told me about it a couple months ago," Tails said honestly. Adol: In that typical chauvinistic way, of course. Dekar: Talk about double standard. Garland [Tails]: He said you were easy, too. > Why that little.... Sally intterupted her own thoughts and thought > about how to deal with the situation now... Adol [Sally]: Denial, or hit the kid in the head with a ballpeen hammer? Denial, or hit the kid in the head with a ballpeen hammer? Denial, or... > "It sounds like lots of fun," Tails said. > Sally thought a bit more and hmmmed... Dekar: Hmmmmm? Garland: Hmmmmm... Adol: Hmmmmm! Dekar: Hm. Garland: Hmmmmm...baby... > might as well be honest now that he knows. Adol: (frowning) Honest? About sex? To an eleven year old? Dekar: Adol, logic doesn't play here in stories like this. > "Well," she said "It is fun. Especially when done between two Garland: Slices of bread. > people who care about each other...like Sonic and I." Garland: With the bread? Adol: Sure, that's what HE says... > Tails nodded a little bit, obviously thinking about something himself. Dekar: ...but then he developed a hemorrhage and had to stop. > "You two must really do it alot," Tails said with the innocent smile an > eleven year old child should have. Garland: Does the author actually KNOW an eleven year old child? Adol: I wasn't innocent when I was eleven. Dekar: Heck, I was DATING when I was eleven. Gamma: Full suspension of disbelief not achieved. Compensating... (Gamma takes out an umbrella as the sprinklers turn on.) Garland: I hate you, Gamma. > Sally blushed. > "Well, sort of," she said, not wanting to give away too much. > "Is it any good?" Tails continued. Dekar [Tails]: Are you a moaner? Adol: I have a bad feeling we'll find out shortly. Garland: You're sweating, Adol. > This made Sally blush profusely. > "Well," she said "That's kinda personal." > "Oh," Tails said. Dekar [Tails]: Do you prefer the missionary position then? Garland: You aren't helping, Dekar. > "Well, it's just that, that sex is a personal thing between the two > involved," Sally said, hoping she didn't make Tails sad at all. Dekar: And then she came to the part about posting the pictures on the internet so everyone can see this personal affection... Adol: Dekar, just shut up. Dekar: But I'm really getting into this. Garland: Exactly. > It was at that point that she happened to glance down Adol [Sally]: Hey! A human skull on the ground! > and saw the slight mound in the blanket near Tails' mid section... Dekar: Uh oh. Is that what I think it is? Garland: A worm bursting out of his midsection? Dekar: No, I meant... Adol: Forget what you meant, Dekar. Dekar: It can wait. > could he be aroused? Sally wondered just what he was thinking. Garland: He was thinking...(pause, then he turns to Adol) What DO eleven year olds think of? Adol: Definitely not what Tails is thinking, chief. > "It's ok, Aunt Sally," he said "I guess I'll just wait until I'm older > to find out what it's like." All: Oh, well, if you put it THAT way... Gamma: No such luck, sirs. It is a ploy to lure people into a false sense of... (Dekar belts Gamma, who shuts up.) Adol: That's one way to deal with it, Dekky. Dekar: I think I broke my hand. > So that was it... Garland: 'Twas the butler all along. > Tails knew about sex, but he also wanted to know how it felt. Adol: Well...yeah. So? Buy him a copy of "Disclosure" and he'll never want to think of sex again. > She looked down at his covered erection again Dekar: Oh THAT'S what it...is... > and thought. She would never admit to anybody that she had had her > fantasies... Garland: Case in point. Rebecca. The Saint Bernard. End point. Adol: Sure. (pause) Was I supposed to get that? Garland: I'm sorry. Robert Anton Wilson just sneaks out sometimes. > becuase the truth was that she did... Garland: Rebecca. With Spiro Agnew. Gamma: Does not compute. Spiro is dead. Dekar: And the walrus was Paul. Adol: Jeez. Keep this up, and we'll break into an impromptu arts chataqua. > and often she had cursed herself for thinking that about one so young. Garland: But keep this in mind, this is a GOOD thing to resist. > And yet...here he was, asking her straight out how it felt... Gamma: Am detecting unorthodox methods in sexual education ahead. Dekar: He's good. Adol: Yeah. Real good. > it was the perfect opportunity... > Sally decided to go for it and smiled deeply. (klaxons sound) Gamma: Warning! Extreme lemon scene approach...! Garland: We KNOW, okay? We KNOW! (Klaxons stop) Gamma: (weakly) Standing down. > "Well," she said "Maybe not." > "What do you mean, Aunt Sally," Tails asked curiously. Adol [Sally]: Well, honey, I just happen to have here a copy of "Bondage Fairies" right here in my hand... > Sally grinned a little bit and let her paw drift gently down to >Tails erection where hse began to rub it Dekar: Hse? Is that a stand-in? Garland: Bad spelling, Dek. Dekar: Okay. Just checking. (Adol gets up) Adol: Uh...I'll get some popcorn. Garland: What? You can't leave now! Adol: Just fill me in when I get back. (leaves rather quickly) > smoothly throug the sheets and blanket. Gamma: Considering logic, these should be very thin... Dekar: We're not interested. Gamma: But it has founded effect. > Tails squirmed and moaned out in both surprise and Garland: Pain. Sally had gotten out the scissors. > pleasure as she rubbed, feeling his stiff foxhood Dekar: Foxhood... Garland: Well, they really can't call it manhood, now could they? Dekar: I'd prefer if they didn't bring it up at all if you don't mind. (we hear some banging in the back.) > stiffen even more than it had been, sending warm feeling throughout > his body. Garland [Tails]: Ooh, I wet 'em. Dekar: GARL! Garland: Sorry. I didn't mean that. > "Aunt Sally..." he began, half moaning the words. > "Shhhhhh," Sally smiled. Garland [Tails]: But I... Dekar [Sally]: Shhhhh... Garland [Tails]: It's rather impor... Dekar [Sally]: Shhhhh... Garland [Tails]: Can I lock the bedroom door fir... Dekar [Sally]: I SAID shhhhh... Adol: (from back) Who locked the door? > She stopped rubbing him jsut long enough to close the curtains of the window, Garland: ...which had gathered quite a crowd outside. > and pull back all the covers, exposing Tails nude body. Dekar: Which was fully clothed to begin with. Garland: A nude Tails? What's that supposed to be? Gamma: Tails sans tennis shoes. Garland and Dekar: Oh. > "YOu jstu relax and let your Aunt Sally do the rest," she giggled softly as > she removed her vest and boot, leaving her completely naked as well. Dekar: Well, I mean, it's not much of a real strip-show there either. I mean, that's the only thing she ever wears. I know, if I wore that in public, I'd... Garland: Have a bit of trivia for you, Dekar. Dekar: ...yeah? Garland: Sally didn't start wearing the vest until nearly a year into the comic. Dekar: You mean she was only wearing boots? Garland: Yeah. (pause) Dekar: Why are we discussing this? Garland: It was interesting at the time. (Adol walks back.) Adol: Can I borrow a sword from anyone? Dekar: Take mine. Adol: Thanks. (he takes Dekar's sword and goes to the rear.) > Now, with his five inch foxhood exposed, Garland and Dekar: Five inch... Gamma: Please refresh my memory. The largest organ has been recorded at three inches. Then if this child has equipment like that two inches longer at eleven, he will most likely become a gigolo. Dekar: Or? Gamma: Or the author has no real conception on the basics of the male genitalia. Garland: I'll take the latter if you don't mind. > she placed her paw directly on it and began to stroke steadily up and down its > length. Dekar: Wax on, wax o... (Garland, out of principle, whacks Dekar.) Gamma: Had it coming, sir. > Tails shivered again and moaned in pleasure, squirming under Sally's warm paw > as it moved up and down his length steadily. Dekar: Or the length of...No, wait...sorry... (there is an audible snap from the back of the theater.) Adol: (from back) Uh-oh. > He spread his legs a little bit out of instinct Garland: Correction. Tails doesn't have instinct. > and began very lightly to thrust his stiff member agianst her rubbing paw. Dekar: Thus causing an inordinate amount of friction that set Tails on fire. Garland: Dekar, I have to object to that. Dekar: What, NOW? >Sally grinned micheviously as she knelt dow nbetween Tails' legs, Gamma: Definite one-handed typing. Compensating. Garland: Gamma, that REALLY isn't nice. (Adol runs back.) Adol: Guys! They locked the doors! No one can get out! Dekar: They what? > still stroking him a bit more before leaning her muzzle dow nand taking > it in, Garland: Taking WHAT in? I swear this fic is very ambigu...(flinch) What do you mean locked? Adol: That's what I said! The doors are locked! I can't even pry them open! Dekar: But WHY? (pause. The truth sets in.) Garland: They...they want us to watch this thing all the way through! All: AHHHHH!!! Garland: Everyone CALM DOWN! We got the Hentai Filter up, and that shields us from the really bad imagery. Just act like this is a normal MiSTing, okay? Dekar: (sarcastically) Oh, GREAT strategy! Thanks, Napoleon. > sucking it deeply into the back of her mouth as he paw slipped > down to very gently caress his furry sac. Adol: Sac? The doc better look at that, kid. It might be infected. Garland: See? Good one, Adol. Adol: Can we leave now? Garland: We CAN'T! Adol: DAMMIT! > Tails squirm and gasps, his eyes going wide in surprise Dekar: Looks like Tails famous on Sally then. Garland: That's good too, Dek... Dekar: I wanna go home... > as Sally sunk down on his shaft, Gamma: Richard Roundtree! NOOOOO! > sucking almost hungrily at him. His slight thrusts Garland: Were put aside by the almost consistent parries by his opponent. > never stopped and, in fact, he began th thrust a little bit > more into her muzzle Adol: Can we go back to the chili dog jokes ag...(looks at the screen) Never mind. Dekar: Not with the sausage, anyway. (pause) Dekar: I'm so sorry I said that. > as she wrapped her lips around it firmly. > Sally began to bob her muzzle slowly on the stiff shaft, Gamma: Samuel L. Jackson! NOOOOO! > letting her tongue dragi tself up and down the hot fox flesh, Garland: Good Lord. She's...eating him! Adol: This is reading like a bad ASADAE flashback. > mmming a little as she felt a very small drop of fox precum Dekar: What's that? Garland: Don't ask. Dekar: You sure...? Adol: Quite. > ooze out of it's tip. She licked it up quickly and sucked all the more on the > member, moving her whole head up and down on it in a slow, steady rythum. Garland: Boingy, boingy, boingy, boin... Adol: You're enjoying this, aren't you? Dekar: What are you complaining about? You WANTED a damn Sonic fanfic! You kept on compaining "Oh Aldy, why don't you find a story about Sonic and his gang? That would be so fun!" You friggin' hypocrite! You destroyed us all! Garland: Dekar, stand down! That's an order! Dekar: OUT OF ORDER? This whole FIC'S outta order! Well, I... (Gamma turns and injects a syringe into Dekar. He mellows out.) Gamma: No thanks needed. Dekar: Balloons... > Tails began to whimper a bit, but still in, pleasure, Adol: Pride, and prejudice. > feeling his foxhood surrounded by Sally's All: Mouth. > warmth, All: MOUTH! > je began to thrust into her a little bit more, the head of his shaft > bumping a bit agianst the top of her throat as she bobed up and down on him. Garland: You know, I just realized something. Dekar: What, now? Garland: (ignoring him) You see, Have you noticed how the basic style of lemons are the same? I mean, basic regimented foreplay, then nookie, and so on? Adol: I'm not sure I wanna hear this. Dekar: Me neither. Garland: Has anyone read Robert Anton Wilson? Illuminatus trilogy? Gamma: With its wanton sex and violence? Garland: Yes, exactly. Anyway, I think a minor theory is that...hang on. Lemme get out my book. (he checks his pockets.) > Sally smiled around teh shaft, sucking deeply on it, using both > her paws now to stroke against his foxhood when she bobbed her head up > and almost off only to sink right back down on it again. (everyone gives a heart rending shriek.) Adol: Did you find the book? Garland: Well, it's here someplace. I remember bringing it. Adol: What do we do until you find it? Garland: Just stay calm. Dekar: IS THAT IT?!? Great strategy, Napoleon! Gamma: Detected same line used before. Dekar: UP YOURS! > She began to feel Tails tense a little, but wasn't quite ready to have him cum > yet. Adol: She misspelled... Gamma: No. Adol: But he... Dekar: NO! > As gently as she could, she slowly withdrew her muzzle from him and sat up. > Tails gasped and blinks in surprise. Gamma: Looks like the subjects are so engrossed with description and imagery that they have lost grasp of time. Adol: That or the grammar checker said the hell with it and left for somewhere else. Garland: Found it! Dekar: Okay. Now about Robert Anton Wilson? Garland: Well, read this section with Stella Maris and George Dorn... Adol: Dude, I don't want to read MORE of the stuff! Garland: Well, let me read it to you then... Adol and Dekar: NO! Garland: Wimps. > "Wha...why did you stop?" he asked, he foxhood burning with unquenched desire. > Sally giggled. Dekar [Sally]: We forgot the camera, silly. > "Because I want your seed where it belongs..." she said with a smile. Adol: Yes. In a garden. Water them constantly. > She rose up on her knees and moved herself over his erection and very slowly Garland: The camera faded away. (pause) Hopefully. Dekar: It might interest people at this point to know that at this moment, Antoine was in fact, sleeping. Which is not surprising, because he doesn't have lotsa screen time in a lemon fic anyway. Adol: And that doesn't count the "fencing lessons" that he gave to Hershey. Dekar: It doesn't. (pause) What "fencing lesson"? Garland: Hershey? She's in this too? > began to lower herself. She took a gentle hold of his shaft Adol: That's one bad... Dekar: Shut yo mouth! Adol: Just talkin' about... Garland: No really. SHUT YO MOUTH! > and guided it right to her entrance, Gamma: It is noted that if this was a Grey Archive fic, it would be referred to as "opening". Adol: When has anyone in Grey Archive had consensual sex? Gamma: Point taken. > then letting go and letting her own weight gently impale her Dekar: ...on the sword that Sonic had borrowed from Antoine a few minutes ago. Adol: Getting darker and darker as we go along aren't we, Dekar? Dekar: You suggest bubbly and sweet? Gamma: Request that subjects NEVER say bubbly again! > on his burning hot foxmeat, Garland: Remember. No chili dog jokes. > letting out a gasping sigh as she did, feeling his length *** We interrupt this story to bring you an important announcement from Protoss Headquarters. *** PHQ (Tassadar and Zeratul are watching some torch and rake wielding protestors gather in front of the window. Aldaris is in front of the camera.) Aldaris: Uh, yes. En Taro Adun to you once again, faithful readers. You know, we do not normally interrupt fanfictions since we have never had a...er, (turns back) Zeratul, what do we call these smutty stories again? Zeratul: Lemons, sir. Aldaris: Yes, Lemons. Before we continue, we believe it rather necessary...no, let us say... Tassadar: Vital, sir... Aldaris: Right. We find it rather VITAL to apologize humbly and profusely for this choice of fanfiction today. You see, it is usually Zeratul and I who choose the fanfictions to play, but this week we left the choice of viewing material to some Terran named...named...(turns to Tassadar and Zeratul) Colleagues, who was that stupid scum again? Zeratul: Racewing, sir. Aldaris: That is right. Racewing. (turns back) Well, just to let you know, he has been sacked forthwith and rather badly beaten by our security staff. So we assure you these types of stories will not appear in the future. Tassadar: What about that Zig-Zag series we were planning to... Aldaris: (to Tassadar) SHUT UP! Heh heh. Ignore him, folks. He knows not what he speaks. Tassadar: But I... Aldaris: No! Zeratul: Judicator! It looks like our specimens are cracking up down there. Aldaris: In a minute. (To camera) We return you to the story, which is now in progress... (cut feed) (Return to theater. Adol, Dekar and Garland are whimpering and shaking. Gamma is slightly smoking.) Dekar: (crying) This is a bug hunt! Game over, man. Game over! Garland: Calm down! It can't get any worse than it can be. Adol: Worse? WORSE? Garland: Yes. Just ACT NORMAL! Dekar: Okay. But I warn you. You owe us big, Gar. > Tails gasped deeply as she mounted him, Adol: ...but was slightly deterred by Sally digging her spurs into him. Garland: And that riding crop to his bum didn't help either. Dekar: YOU'RE NOT HELPING! > almost immediately thrusting his member right up into her all the way > as the pleasure qutie nearly overwhelmed him. Adol: I'm just surprised that his little brain hadn't overloaded yet. Gamma: Actually sirs, that would make the subject's head explode. Dekar: Win-win situation. (turns to Gamma) By the way, aren't you supposed to be a filter? Gamma: That is my primary function. Dekar: Then dare I ask why you aren't filtering? Gamma: Well, sir, my fast forward module is somehow poorly connected. It might need a bit of adjusting and... Adol: He said fast forward! Garland: But it doesn't seem fair to... Dekar: Gimme some pliers, Adol. > His paws went to her hips and stroked them softly as she lowered herself on > all the way and got comfortable. Adol: Sounds like the Macarena. Pliers. Dekar: Thanks. (He opens a compartment in Gamma and feverishly works on the insides.) Gamma: That tickles, sir. > Sally grinned down at Tails once he was fully seated inside her. Garland: She's that roomy, huh? > "You wanna be on top, my little fox?" she giggled. > Tails nodded qutie readily yes, unable to speak for all the pleasrue and > exstasy he was feeling. Adol: Gosh. Now it looks like the spell checker said the hell with it and left. Dekar: Flashlight? Adol: Flashlight. (he hands one off who Dekar, who turns it on and looks into the wiring.) > Sally smiled and gently took a hold of him, Garland: And then throttled him. Don't ask why. I'm beyond caring at this point. > keeping him from slipping out as she layed down and rolled over onto her back, Adol: Good GIRL! Give her a treat! Dekar: Dude, it's messed up in here. Where's the green wire? Garland: Next to the red one. Dekar: Thank you. (pause) What red wire? > pulling Tails up on top of her, his stiff, hot member still pressed deep into > her insides. Gamma: Warning. Am detecting possible anatomy flaws. The female passage is not directly connected to the stomach. Repeat, it is NOT directly connected to the stomach. Dekar: Dude, don't do that when I'm working on you. Gamma: My apologies. (flinches) OW! Adol: Dekar, easy on the pliers. > "Whenever you're ready," she said with a smile. > Tails didn't need a second invitation to take advantage of the situation. Garland: So he got out his cell phone and telephoned Rotor to bring over his video recorder. Adol: Well, our morality's going fast. Garland: Never needed it, anyway. Adol: That's kos you're evil. Garland: Exactly. > He pulled his fshaft out almost all the way then plunged it back into Sally's > now dripping sex, Adol: That reminds me. You need a plumber's snake, Dekar? Dekar: I'm fine. Thanks. > pressing down and in all the way, as he paws gripped hers and pressed them > back down agaisnt the bed, holding her down as he began to thrust steadily > into her, pulling all the way out and pumping all the way > in as far as he could go . Garland: Great. Now it's repeating footage. Gamma: OW! My eyes! Dekar: Sorry. That was the optic switch. Adol, I'll need a screwdriver. Adol: The tool or the drink? Dekar: Both, preferably. (Adol hands over a screwdriver as Garland gets out the vodka and orange juice and starts mixing.) > At first, Sally was surprised by the onslaught Tails had suddenly released, Garland: But considering everyone was slightly OOC, it didn't matter much. Adol: Of course. Gamma: Verily. Dekar: Damn transistors! > but she was quick to get with the program, Adol: I hated that movie. Damn James Caan... > squirming udner him and thrusting her hips up to meet each one of his foreward > thrusts as she gasped and moaned in the extreme passion each thrust caused her > to feel. (Garland peeks in the Robert Anton Wilson book.) Garland: Yup. Word for word. Dekar: I think I found it. Adol: Really? Dekar: Yeah. Can you give me the soldering iron? (Adol hands it off. Garland is continuing to compare with the book.) > She could already tell that her mound was already wet with her juices as > the fox cub thurst hard and deep inside her with every motion. Garland: "Thrust deep and hard"...yup. It's in there. And did it say mound? Adol: (blinks) I wasn't keeping track, honestly. > Tails wouldn't let up for a moment, the ancient animal instinct > to mate gripping the cub's mind Garland: That's more of a fight or flight mechanism, really. Adol: So says you. Dekar: Almost there. Gamma: Watch the memory circuits, sir. Dekar: Yeah, I know. > as he thrust and pushed his way into Sally's love mound agian and again, > forcing her to Adol: Maybe reconsider giving him the satisfaction in the first place? > cry out in ecstasy every moment. > he began to gasp and moan, himself, feeling Dekar: BINGO! (Gamma whirrs up, and fast forwards over the money shot. There are sighs of relief) Garland: Phew...see guys? Just needed to wait... Adol and Dekar: SHOVE IT! Garland: Okay, okay. > Tails soon collapsed agiasnt Sally's body once his orgasm had passed and the > two lay there for several minutes before eityher of them spoke. Dekar: It was like as if they watched "Pay It Forward." > "Well?" Sally managed to get out breathlessly "Now you know how it feels..." > Tails mumbled something and began nuzzling her breasts softly. Adol [Sally]: What? AGAIN? Garland: (squeamish) Dude, not funny. > Sally smiled and strokes the young fox's head softly Dekar: NOOGIE! > as he rubbed his muzzle aginast her soft globes and licked at them gently > "Thank you, Aunt Sally," he mumbled. Adol: Aunt... Garland: Aunt. Dekar: Aunt? All: Aunt. (pause) Adol: That just makes it a lot more sick, doesn't it? > Sally smiled and nodded. > "Anything for you, Tails," she said "You're a good..." (Dekar opens his mouth.) Garland: No monkey jokes, Dek. (Dekar shuts his mouth.) > She almost said kit, but since he had just screwed her senseless, All: And there wasn't enough sense to be...gin... (The group looks at each other.) Gamma: With? > she said. > "You're a good fox, Tails," she said as she hugged him close to her. Adol: Gooooood fox. Goooooooood fox. > They both spent the next half hour toegether, recovering, exchanging nuzzles > and kisses Garland: And some blows too. Dekar: Because as we all know, sex complicates relationships. > before Sally got up and tucked him in for real this time. Adol: And she also got out the duct tape this time...just in case. > She kissed him good night with te promise taht they'd do it again soon. Garland: But this time, with Walkmen. > Tails smiled and nodded. He already had an erection again Dekar: That's one virile fox there. > and would probably be playing with himself qutie a bit after an episode like > that. > As Sally turned out the light and closed the door, she wondered what other > things would happen that night... Adol: You mean besides the imminent attack by Fallen droptroops and Federated Suns irregulars? Nah. That was tomorrow night. > THE END All: (singing) This is the end. My only friend, the end... Dekar: My two most favorite words. > Next up: Adol: What? There's more! Garland: NOOOO! > Chapter Two - Bunnie's Nightcap. Dekar: (ominous) When Robotnik starts his experiments on roboticizing articles of clothing, none of the Freedom Fighters' possessions are safe, especially BUNNIE'S NIGHTCAP! >Sonic never could wait around for anything... Adol: Yeah, the boy's a regular ADHD case. > so while he's waiting around for Tails and Sally to finish whatever it is they > were doing Garland [Tails]: We were playing Parcheesi. Adol [Sally]: Yeah. Parcheesi. > in Tails' room for so long, he stops by Bunnie's hut for a little encounter. Adol: Well, the doors are open. You wanna see the rest of this? Dekar: I don't much care for Bunnie, honestly. Garland: Yeah. One is enough. (they leave the theater) (theater-2-3-4-5-6) (The group staggers in, a bit dazed and disillusioned. Garland is busy fixing Gamma. Dekar and Adol collapse in chairs and breath a big sigh of relief.) Dekar: Man. When the bosses said this fic was raunchy, they weren't lying. I think I'll have nightmares for the next month. Adol: I dunno. It could have been worse. (Garland and Dekar stare at him.) Dekar: Say HOW. Adol: Well...I mean okay, one part of the tandem involved in today's story was obviously underage at eleven... Dekar: Yes... Adol: And...well...it was sex purely for sex's sake... Garland: No dispute. Adol: And...uh...well, they didn't change the sheets... Dekar: Spit it out, Adol. How could it have been worse? Adol: Well...you know Amy Rose? (there is a pause) Dekar: And the relevance is... Adol: Now, think back to the story... Garland and Dekar: Won't do it. Adol: And replace Sally with Amy. What do you have? (another silence) Dekar: Adol, you are obviously forgetting that mention that Sonic and Sally were having sex earlier and that they were...having...ana...(he trails off) Garland: He's got a valid point, you know. Dekar: But there's one thing I didn't get. Adol: One? Dekar: Why didn't YOU flinch, Garland? Garland: That, my dear friend, is something you will never find out, except for the fact that I had some extensive training early in life. Adol: Point taken. I guess this little furry slap and tickle is an acquired taste. Garland: I didn't say that. Dekar: It's a taste that lingers, anyway. How's Gamma doing? (Garland touches a wire in the back of Gamma's head. Sparks fly out.) Adol: That bad, huh? Gamma: (whine) Ha ha! I'm not go insane. Must honor Gyra and Ash with gift of spoon. Dekar: Gar, you got him sounding like Doc Thinker. You gotta work on the grammar function. Adol: I dunno. I kinda like him like this. Gamma: Oh my yes. Is splendid thing. McLees! Update SAVM or face wrath of me! Garland: I'll need a few spare parts. (pause) Say, where is that tormentor of ours? Dekar: I'll check. (he walks over and taps the button.) Yo, chief. You free? PHQ (Aldaris is busy pretending to work under one of the computer terminals. When the call comes in, he inadvertently bangs his head. Outside, we notice a small rioting group of Sonic enthusiasts.) Aldaris: Ow! (He looks up, and looks calm and relaxed) Ah...hello, specimens. Did you...(embarrassed pause) enjoy the fic? Mojo (The group stares back at him. They do not look amused.) PHQ (We notice Aldaris sweating a bit.) Aldaris: Uh...yes. Well, I believe I should owe you a bit of explanation. You see, we did not realize the piece we chose was going to be as...what's the word? Zeratul? (Zeratul peeks out from the trashcan he is hiding in.) Aldaris: Well? Zeratul: I believe the term is "pornographic", Judicator. Aldaris: Yes. That is it. (to group) Anyway, we are sorry and we promise to screen these things in the future. What do you say? Mojo (Dead silence.) Gamma: This alien are sick. PHQ Aldaris: Uh...maybe we can discuss this event later. Now Zeratul... Zeratul: I will not come out. Aldaris: Zeratul... Zeratul: You want the mob out there to snipe me? I do not think so. YOU do it. (he pulls the can cover over him) Aldaris: It is coming out of your pay, you Zergling! (pause) Where is Tassadar? TASSADAR! (sigh) Never mind. I will do it. (Aldaris reaches for the button, then is hit in the head with a rock. Before he loses consciousness, he pushes the button. End Feed.) This has been another addition of TRK Professional. All respected rights reserved. All comments were satirical and were not aimed as a personal attack on the writers. It's not wise to tick them off, you know. Especially anyone involved in Sonic or fur fics. Believe me. I know. // "Don't wanna grow up," Tails said.\\ Don't miss the next exciting episodes of TRK exclusively at http://members.xoom.com/RipperJak/news.htm!