KAWAIBO!: Cute Has Learned to Kill... by Steven Garett MSTed by Akodo X MSTier's notes: This is my second MSTing. I've managed to stay sane through the first; hopefully, I'll be able to survive this one as well. I'm still pretty green and I'll be practicing on these smaller fics before I'll tackle some of the larger projects floating around out there in cyberspace. Legal Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Tenchi Muyo and all of its related characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer Ltd. "Kawaibo" is the property of Steven Garett and he's welcome to it. To Steven Garett: Please do not take this MSTing personally. Just think of it as constructive critcism and have a sense of humor, ok? HOLOCABANA: The heat is sweltering as a squad of troops split up to search for a single man, er... bot. The tall grass prevented them from seeing more than a few meters ahead. An observant soldier spotted battery fluid on the stalks of dry grass. Slowly, they followed the trail, oblivious to the fact that the one they are searching for has lit the dry plain on fire until it is too late. Screams and confused voices emanated from the field of burning grass as smoke billowed copiously from the flames. Meanwhile, a bot with a red bandanna wrapped around his spherical head slowly attaches explosive arrowheads to the shafts of black wood that he has carried with him. His gumball dispenser face shows no emotion as he readied his enormous bow, which extended a full 2 feet longer than he did. With his trusty modified arm attachment, he readied an arrow and pulled back the bowstring. With a loud twang, the shaft let loose and a few seconds later, an entire section of the nearby POW camp exploded. Mayhem and frenzied cries of confusion filled the air as the bot loaded another arrow. Once again the explosion caused frantic voices to yell incessantly as they tried to pinpoint the area where the attacks were coming from. As the gumball dispenser shaped bot readied yet another arrow, two figures entered the holocabana. Tom let loose the arrow and it sped quickly towards its target. "Crow, GET DOWN!" cried Mike as he dropped to the floor, dragging the gold colored robot along with him. The arrow flew overhead and smashed into one of SOL's control panels. The explosion was deafening as shards of metal and plastic littered the holocabana, whose program now started to flicker on and off due to the extent of the damage Tom had unwittingly caused. Coughing from the black smoke billowing out of the control panel, Mike stood up to check on his companion. "Jeez Tom! I knew this holocabana thing would get out of hand!" he grunted as he propped up the gold colored robot known to his friends and associates as Crow. "It's your fault that you opened the door Mike!" Tom retorted. "I've done much more damage than this before without getting a scratch! Back in the good ol' days with Joel..." "Joel... I wonder what he's doing right now?" pondered Crow. "Sorry to break your peaceful reminiciscence, but what about this panel?" snapped Mike. "What if Tom blew up the life support system?!" "Relax Mike! We don't have a life support system. Dr. F didn't have enough cash to install one," said Crow nonchalantly. "Then how am I able to stand here without dying of asphyxiation?" inquired Mike as he prodded the messed up control panel with a long piece of plastic. "Haven't you been paying attention to the theme song, Mike? You really should relax," said Tom. "Then what system *did* you hit?" asked Mike. "I think I hit the comm system. Hey... now Dr. Forrester can't send us any more fics!" said Tom. "Uh, Tom? If I remember my Star Trek technobabble right, Dr. F can still teleport fics to us. He just won't be able to patch a comm link to us and tell us about what he sent until we repair the comm system conduits," said Crow. "Damn." "Hmm... when *is* Dr. F sending us another fic? It's been a while since Washu did a number on Deep 13," pondered Crow thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if summoned by Crow's thoughts, the sirens and klaxons began to wail. "Great job Crow! NOW WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!" cried Mike. (Door Sequence) 6...5...4...3...2...1... THEATRE: CROW: Jeez, we don't even know what this fic is about. TOM: Maybe it won't be that bad. MIKE: Murphy's Law will decide... CROW: Knowing our luck, Murphy probably hates us and this fic will probably stink. >Hey! This is a parody. I really don't see this EVER happening, and if CROW: If you did, we'd say you're insane. >you ever DO see it, please send me some of whatever you're on, Nani? J/K TOM: (Stoned voice) Whoa man, gotta lay off the weed... I'm starting to see bad anime parodies... >;p Drugs are for dummies. Now hentai, on the other hand... Anyhoo, I MIKE: Well :p to you too! TOM: Hentai, on the other hand, is for depraved perverts. CROW: Hey, I resemble that remark! TOM: I never doubted it. CROW: Bite me. >don't own these chars, O.K.? BUT, the story IS mine... You can do what >you want with it EXCEPT claim it as yours. If you do that, I'll get >Ryoko & Ayeka to @Mallet you into nothingness. That out of the way, TOM: Hey, that sounds like fun. (@Mallets Crow) CROW: Ow! stop it! (@Mallets Tom) TOM: Naw, you don't want me to stop it! (@Mallets Crow again) MIKE: Both of you stop it! (@MegaMallets Tom and Crow) TOM: (Rubs bump on his head) Ok! I'll stop. CROW: Great, now I have a dent in my head! MIKE: Consider it an improvement. CROW: Bite me. >Let's begin... MIKE: Let's not and say we did. CROW: That joke is getting old Mike. TOM: Like your crude sex jokes aren't. CROW: Bite me. TOM: That's getting old too. CROW: Grr... > Preface: > Ryoko & Ayeka stood there, tied to one another against the pole. >As the evil aliens stood around laughing with even more henious grins on >their faces... "Oh, will no one help us?" Ayeka screamed piously into CROW: Sorry Aeka, in the world of bad fanfics, no one can hear you scream. MIKE: 'Piously' huh? So she's screaming with good faith? TOM: (Aeka) Praise the Lord, for we've been captured in a bad fanfic! CROW: Amen, Sister Aeka! >the air. "Why did Tenchi & the others have to leave us all alone? Now CROW: (Ryoko) Look at it this way princess. Now we can finally show our true feelings for each other... MIKE: Crow... TOM: No... it isn't true! You take that back Crow! CROW: I guess I touched a sensitive spot there, didn't I? TOM: Mike, do something! MIKE: Why punish Crow because of the truth? TOM: Because I can't handle the truth! >we're at the mercy of these alien soldiers..." (Begin Rambo theme song) CROW: But Rambo trips and pelts himself with an entire round of ammo from his AK-47. The end. MIKE: Whoa, *somebody* is feeling dark today. TOM: The Dark Side beckons, Mike... CROW: Join us, and we can end this destructive conflict. TOM: Uh, Crow? We can't end it. CROW: Aw hell... > Suddenly, from the water emerges a dripping Ryo-Oh-Ki. Around her TOM: (Aeka) Yuck, wet pet hair! >forhead is a red bandanna, & she is dressed in mini-fatigues. Also, she >is holding the mother of all Machine guns. As the soldiers turn to her, >she fills them full of holes. Running on her hind legs, she reaches the >captive women & cleaves the ropes with a giant Machete. "Ryo-Oh-Ki!" >Ryoko exclaimed as both the women moved to hug the cabbit. But She held MIKE: 'She' capitalized? Is Ryo-oh-ki a goddess now? TOM: Hey, maybe she'll smite this fic so we won't have to read it anymore! DR. F: Don't count on it! MIKE: GAH! I thought you blew up the comm system, Tom! DR. F: Did you think I wouldn't have prepared for this, temp boy? Don't worry, the comm system is back online. And I'll be sending *twice* as many fics from now on! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! CROW: Good job Tom! Now you got him pissed off at us! TOM: Like he isn't anyways after that Washu incident. CROW: Oh yeah... >them at bay with an outstretched paw. "Wha... What is it?" Ayeka asked >bewilderedly. The Cabbit then let out a wild roar that sent shivers >down their spine. "Sh-sh-she said that's no longer her name..." Ryoko MIKE: (Ryoko) Sh-sh-she also said that I gotta fix that damn stutter. >began slowly, still in shock. "Then what is it?" Ayeka demanded. >"Kawaibo." was Ryoko's curt reply. CROW: Ryoko just has to be curt no matter where she is. TOM: (hotly) She's not! CROW: So... you're a pro-Ryoko fanboy aren't you? TOM: SHUT UP! CROW: (smugly) I knew it. > KAWAIBO!: Cute Has Learned to Kill... MIKE: This fic reminds me of a certain special bunny... TOM: Bugs Bunny? CROW: Roger Rabbit? MIKE: No, the Monty Python bunny. CROW: (British accent) That there is the meanest, most ill-tempered cabbit ya ever did see! TOM: (Ditto) Yeah right! What's she do, nibble yer bum? > By Steven Garrett > E-Mail: sfe_otaku@hotmail.com > (End credits. Fade back into story) MIKE: Let's not and say we did. CROW: Don't get that started again... TOM: You started it. CROW: Bite me. TOM: See? You're setting yourself up right now for an insult. CROW: Shut up. > Kawaibo gazed up at the clouds as she left the two bewildered women. >She had more things to worry about. Actually, there was really one CROW: (Kawaibo) Let's see... who am I gonna kill next? TOM: How about the author for writing such a ridiculous story? MIKE: No need for cheap potshots at the author, Tom. TOM: But it's so easy! >thing on her mind. Her little Sasami was in trouble, and she was the >only one who could help her. As the rain began to slowly beat down, >Kawaibo thought back to when this had all started... CROW: (Kawaibo) Ah memories... MIKE: Of what? CROW: (Kawaibo) Of the time I jumped on Ryoko's breasts. MIKE: CROW! TOM: Get your references straight. It wasn't raining when that happened; it was snowing. CROW: (snickers) I knew it. You *are* a fanboy. TOM: (mutters) Yeah, you're one to talk, you depraved Moonie... CROW: What was that?! TOM: Oh, nothing... > It had been a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were TOM: Ah, the old 'beautiful day' setup. Something's gonna happen... CROW: This plot is more predictable than Spam is vile... TOM: Spam... the other vile meat! MIKE: Hey, I like Spam! TOM: (mutters) You would... >singing, & Ayeka & Ryoko were actually getting along, which was a >miracle in itself! Sasami & ^CRyo-Oh-Ki were happily playing in a clover MIKE: This fic is so bad, even the author tried to Ctrl-Break out of it. TOM: Alas, it didn't work. CROW: One word sums up my thought on this matter: Damn. >field, enjoying the warm sun & the freedom that, unknowing to them, >would soon be stripped away... The cabbit was the first to notice the CROW: Strip! Strip! TOM: (Whispers to Mike) You really should cut down his caffiene intake. MIKE: (Whispers back) But he's gonna fall asleep during the fic! TOM: (Whispers to Mike) Is that bad? MIKE: (Whispers back) Let's put it this way. You want to riff fics with only me to give crude sex jokes and sarcastic remarks? TOM: (Whispers to Mike) I see your point... CROW: (Whispers) Why are we whispering? MIKE: (Ditto) I don't know. >felling of icy blackness that began to surround them, but by then it was >too late. The glade was quickly filled with several armed soldiers >before the four females could even react. > > Only by hiding under a fallen branch was Ryo-Oh-Ki able to escape TOM: (singing) Brave Ryo-oh-ki ran away... CROW: (Ryo-oh-ki) No! TOM: (singing) Bravely ran away away! CROW: (Ryo-oh-ki) I didn't! TOM: (singing) When danger reared its ugly head, she bravely turned her tail and fled... MIKE: Alright guys, enough with the Monty Python gag. >detection. As the three remaining women huddled together, a tall >general broke thru the crowd & glared at them. "This one," he began, >pointing to Sasami. "This is the one the master requires. Take her >abord the ship. The others, well... I think you men deserve a treat. >Have fun, boys..." And with that, Sasami was seperated from the other TOM: (General) Have fun, boys... and girls who pretend to be boys in order to join the army. CROW: I take it that you're referring to 'Mu Lan'? TOM: (Ranting) Yet another attempt by Disney to take a perfectly sound ethnic legend and totally bastardize her story by adding in an annoying little anthropomorphic dragon that talks like Eddie Murphy. MIKE: Man, that was a *really* low blow. CROW: Did you see the movie yet? TOM: (sheepishly) Ah, well... no. CROW: (smugly) I see... >two women & dragged off in one direction as Ryoko & Ayeka were dragged >in another. TOM: How OOC can you get? Ryoko would have blown these guys away in a heartbeat! CROW: Another ranting from the pro-Ryoko fanboy. MIKE: That was low, Crow. TOM: (Grumbling) Stupid Moonie otaku... CROW: What?! TOM: Oh, nothing. > After everyone had all left, Ryo-Oh-Ki quickly followed in pursuit of >her master. On the way, she saw one of the soldiers relieving himself ALL: EWWWW!!!! We *don't* want to see that! >behind a bush. "Heh-heh... I can't wait untill dark..." he began with >a lusty tone in his voice. "That's when we're all going to gang rape CROW: (Drools as the mental image prances around in his head) MIKE: Crow, stop that! TOM: (grumbles) Hentai little wanker... CROW: (Snaps out of his little trance) WHAT DID YOU SAY?! TOM: I said 'Sven, hi! Brittle tanker.' CROW: (slightly confused) Oh. A crude joke about the Titanic, I suppose. TOM: Uh, *yeah*... that's it. MIKE: (snickers) >those bitches... I fell sorry for that little one, though... Compared >to what the master's going to do to her, these girls are getting off >lucky! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! I think I'll start with the quiet one... I'll >make her scream for days by the time I'm done..." > > Ryo-Oh-Ki had heard enough. All the years of being beaten, mistreated, >& yelled at came to a boil... There would be no more violence... None, CROW: Quick, somebody call the Humanitarian Society! TOM: SPCA, to arms! >that is, except HER violence! Quietly, she picked up his rifle & >creeped up behind him. He was so lost in his lust-addled daydreams that >he didn't even notice her until she'd pistol-whipped him with the butt CROW: Whose butt? MIKE: Crow... >of his own gun. After he had fallen, she stripped him of his clothes. CROW: Oh. >Slicing off the excess cloth, she made it so that they would fit her & MIKE: That must be a *lot* of cloth she sliced off. >put them on. After gathering his weapons, she slit his throat & left >him in the bushes to die. *The only thing you'll be pleasuring is the >wolves...* Ryo-Oh-Ki thought as she sped after her master... TOM: AHH!! Kintobor's on the loose! CROW: Uh, Tom? He's a fox, not a wolf. TOM: But his decrepit old grandpa spirit is a wolf... CROW: No, he's a coyote. TOM: Dammit, they're all canines so what does it matter? CROW: Wolves don't perform zoophillic fetishes with Sailor Moon the way Kintobor did. TOM: Oh. MIKE: (Sarcastic) Thanks Crow. Now I have the most *pleasant* imagery floating around in my tortured mind. CROW: You're welcome Mike. > As she neared the master's ship, her mind slipped back into the >present. There would be plenty of time for reminicing AFTER her lovely >Sasami was rescued from that monster. Creeping up behind a guard, she CROW: 'lovely Sasami'?! I forbode another Sasami lemon scene... TOM: (Scottie) I cannot take much more of this Cap'n! MIKE: What have I done to deserve this? CROW: You were an annoying temp. Pay attention to the theme song for once! MIKE: Okay... sheesh. >unsheathed her blade & punched him squarly in the back while she slit >his throat. Afterwards, she realized something that had been nagging CROW: (Ryo-oh-ki) What am I doing in this crappy fic?! MIKE: C'mon Crow, you shouldn't break the fourth wall like that. CROW: Not even if there is a perfectly valid reason? MIKE: Like what? CROW: This fic bites. MIKE: Oh ok. Go ahead. >her ever since she had left Ryoko & Ayeka. She had grown significantly, >plus she was in a humanoid form now. *Is this because of my anger, or >is this some new form of mine?* she wondered. None the less, she had a >friend to rescue. And that's when she heard it. A sharp pircing sound >that felt like a knife being driven thru her chest & into her heart. TOM: Maybe because it *is* a knife being driven through your chest and into your heart. MIKE: Getting a bit dark now, aren't we? >Somewhere, deep within that ship, Sasami was screaming... TOM: Oww... my ears! CROW: High... pitched... squeal... vibrating... my... head! MIKE: Crow! CROW: What? That wasn't even a sex joke! > Sasami awoke feeling strange. That's when she noticed it: She was >bound spread-eagle in the air without a stitch of clothing. As she >struggled, she heard a strange laughter. "Yes, struggle for me... Show TOM: AHH!!! Thoughtless... Sasami... lemon... (head explodes) CROW: (Turning a nice sickly shade of green) @_@ I don't feel so good... MIKE: Hang on guys, it hasn't been more than few seconds since the lemon scene started. TOM: (head smoking) But the S&M... and the pedophile fetish... it's going to suck! CROW: (sickly green) Urk! >me just how lustful you can be before I sacrifice you to my dark >lord..." The voice echoed across the chamber & sent icy shivers down >her spine. "Wh-who are you?" she asked behind a growing flood of tears. >"Who am I, you ask? Well, let me show you..." And with that, he >stepped into the light. "No.. NO! NOT YOU!!!" she screamed into the TOM: (Luke) You're not my father! CROW: (greener than before) Don't turn this into an incest affair, man! TOM: Mike's a man... or a close approximation. I'm a bot. MIKE: Yeah... HEY! >blackness... > > "Ah, but it IS me..." Tenchi said with an evil laugh. I've found >true power, little princess... More powerful than your pitiful Jurai >parlor tricks! More powerful than anything! I shall be a GOD amongst you TOM: (still headless) Great, I'm headless for just a little while and everybody starts getting delusions of grandeur! MIKE: It's been done before. CROW: (still a sickly shade of green) Real comforting... >mortals, and when you die, you'll visit MY master... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!" >His laughter shocked her to her senses. "You-You're not Tenchi! Tenchi >would never..." "SHUT UP!!!" he screamed, smacking her into silence... TOM: This is *so* OOC it hurts! CROW: It's a parody remember? TOM: And a crappy Sasami lemon too. CROW: (turning green again) Don't remind me... > "You know nothing about me..." Tenchi began as he began to disrobe. >"You see, in order to gain my full powers, I must sacrifice the blood of >a pure virgin." And with that, he began to smile evily. "You-you're >going to kill me?" she asked, truly frigtened for the first time in her MIKE: You mean all those times Kagato and Tokimi were gunning for Tsunami, which is Sasami, she wasn't the least bit afraid? TOM: (impressed) Wow, you're getting better at your Tenchi trivia. CROW: Thus proving that you're a fanboy like Tom. MIKE: Why thank you Crow... hey wait a minute... CROW: (snickers) >life. "No, you misunderstand my master's wishes. He wishes to >impregnate you thru me... Only then can his protege be born..." And >with that, he grasp her hips & shoved into her to the hilt. Sasami had >had undergone a lot of pain that day. Leaving her sister & her friend >in the clutches of those men, losing Ryo-Oh-Ki, and losing Tenchi to >evil. But the pain she felt now as her former friend thrust into her >dry canal, moistening it with her own blood, was worse than any other MIKE: (averts eyes) Agh! Disgusting! CROW: Excuse me for a minute... (gets up, walks to the far corner of the theater, and retches) TOM: (still headless) Heh, good thing I can't see this. MIKE: But you'll still have vivid mental images of the scene running around in your mind anyways. TOM: (mental images appearing in Tom's mind despite his intense resistance) AHH!!! Make it stop! >pain she could comprehend. Faced with all the insurmoutable odds she'd >been thrown during the day, she did the only thing she knew to do... She >began to scream. CROW: Ow, my ears!! TOM: You don't have ears. CROW: You don't either! MIKE: (covering ears) I do, and it hurts! Turn down the volume! TOM: I can't. This is a text file, remember? MIKE: D'OH! > Kawaibo was now an engine of pure destruction. As she made her way >thru the ship, she slaughtered all that she saw. No one would survive MIKE: Somebody's been playing Mortal Kombat too long... TOM: My god it's true! TV violence does promote real violence! (hits Crow) CROW: Ow! Quit it! (hits Tom) MIKE: Both of you quit it! (hits Tom and Crow) CROW: Great... now I have another dent. MIKE: Now you're symmetrical. CROW: Bite me. >to tell of this day. No one! Finally, she made her way to the Master's >chamber. As she kicked in the door, she was shocked by what she saw. >There hung her dear sasami, unconcious from the pain. And holding her, >still thrusting into her limp body, was Tenchi. Suddenly, he threw his >head back in orgasm as he emptied his seed into the young princess. MIKE: (averts eyes again) I would be shocked too... ugh. TOM: (Head finally regenerates) Finally got my head back... AHHH!!! (head explodes) CROW: (turns sickly green once again) I *really* don't feel good... > "ENOUGH!!!" Kawaibo screamed, amazed that an almost human-sounding TOM: (Shang Tsung) It has begun! CROW: (weakly) I don't want it to begin... ulp! >voice emrged from her throat. "Who dares to inurupt me?" demanded CROW: (Nobuoyuki) I've come to record your development in sex... I mean life! MIKE: It's your 3rd grade teacher coming to tell you that your spelling stinks! TOM: That was kinda low... but I don't blame you. >Tenchi as he drew his blood-covered organ from the his young girl. "I MIKE: (covers eyes) Agh!! That was *NOT* a sight I wanted to see! CROW: Excuse me again for a minute... (Gets up, walks over to the corner again, and retches) TOM: Must... resist... mental... image... (image pops up in his mind anyways) NOOO!!!!!! >do, you evil monster." Kawaibo screamed as she charged towards Tenchi, >firing her gun at him. As the bullets pierced his chest, Tenchi >collapsed to his knees. "How could you..." he began slowly, coughing up TOM: (Tenchi) Right, I'll do you for that! CROW: (Kawaibo) You'll what?! What're you gonna do, bleed on me? TOM: (Tenchi) I'm a GOD! I'm invincible! CROW: (Kawaibo) You're a looney! >blood. "I'm death." Kawaibo began. "And you're number just got called, >mother fucker!" MIKE: Looks like *somebody* wasn't happy with her year end bonus. TOM: The truckload of carrots never arrived and now Ryo-oh-ki has gone postal. This is not a good sign... > "You'll never stop us!" Tenchi screamed at her. "I've allready >inseminated her. Soon, she shall bear my master's son, & the world >shall belong to us!" "Well, tell your master I said, 'Fuck you!' when >you see him in hell!" Kawaibo yelled as she emptied an entire clip into >his chest, effectivly killing him. Then, she ran over to Sasami & cut MIKE: (Mr. T) I pity the fool! TOM: I don't... >her down gently, caressing her tender angel lovingly. > > "Ah, my dear Sasami..." Kawaibo cried as she picked up her fallen >friend. "Wha..." Sasami whispered barly, just beginning to come to. >"Shh...." Kawaibo lovingly answered, laying her fingers against >^Csasami's lips. "You're having a bad dream, but it will all be over MIKE: There goes the Ctrl-Break again. TOM: Couldn't the author have tried that *earlier*? Before all the sick lemon scenes appeared? MIKE: It still didn't work though. CROW: Dammit. >soon. Just go back to sleep, my love..." But Sasami had allready >drifted back into unconciousness. > > *Nande Yo!* Kawaibo thought as she began to run for the door. *I >forgot about the timed charges!!!* Running as fast as she could, >Kawaibo dived thru the door and into the hallway just as the first CROW: (Kawaibo)'Whoops, forgot about Sasami!' She runs back and gets blown to bits by the timed charges. The end. MIKE: No need to get dark on us Crow. I think the worst is over. TOM: It better be... >charges began to go off. Speeding thru the ship, Kawaibo was followed >by flames & wreckage. As she dived out the Entranceway to the ship & >hit the turf, the entire ship was engulfed in a huge ball of flame. CROW: Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! MIKE: Disco Inferno! TOM: (with another regenerated head) Mike, you're so... lame. MIKE: (sighing) Yeah... I know. > Looking down at Sasami, Kawaibo began to cry. She had done it. >Despite all odds, she had saved her little Sasami. Then a nagging >thought reached the front of her mind. Tenchi had said that he'd TOM: (Kawaibo's nagging thought) Wait a minute... I left her with the timed charges! Oops... >'inseminated' her... "My God!" Kawaibo yelled as she ran for the >house... > > Sasami came to on a bed of satin. "Wh-where am I...?" she called >out, barly able to talk. "Shh..." Kawaibo cooed into her ear, stroking >the hair from her eyes. "You had a bad day today, but Washu fixed it up >for you... She gave you something that will eliminate what Tenchi did to CROW: (Kawaibo) An extra large dose of spermicide! MIKE: Crow... >you..." "Oh Ryo-Oh-Ki!" Sasami cried as she grasp the anamorphic aruond >her chest. MIKE: What? Did any of you guys figure out what that last sentence meant? CROW: Nope. TOM: Not a clue. >"What happened to you? and to Tenchi?" > > "Tenchi's dead." Kawaibo began. "And as for me, I've 'evolved', >so to speak... Ryo-Oh-Ki's no more... Now there is only Kawaibo. At >least, to the outside world, that is..." she added with a twinkle in her TOM: My god... CROW: Don't tell me we're going to see bestiality scenes too! MIKE: Stop giving the author ideas! >eye. "What do you mean?" Sasami queried wonderingly. "Ah, my dear >princess..." Kawaibo began. "That can wait... I have some more news TOM: Thank heaven for small favors... CROW: We'll see it eventually though. TOM: Damn. >for you, though. Sad as it might seem, your sister has been called >back to the Jurai kingdom to become Queen. Unfortunently, your parents >thought it best for you to remain after what has happened. But don't >worry, I'll allways protect you..." > > "WHAT?" Sasami cried out thru the tears. "My own family's turned >against me in my hour of need?!? No!!!" she screamed, running to the >visiphone & calling her mother. "Mom!" she screamed at the blank >picture. "Pick up!" Finally, a youngish-looking face appeared in the >screen. "Mom..." Sasami cried. "How could you do it... I'm your >daughter..." "I'm sorry," Sasami's mother began. "But we couldn't >bring you home just yet. Because of your 'condition', if you were to be >brought home, utter turmoil would erupt thru out the entire kingdom. >Someday, after you've healed enough, we can bring you home... But for >now, know that we will allways love you, as will Kawaiibo, who rescued >you from that evil monster. Know that she has been knighted as your >official body guard, & will allways be there for you. Goodbye, my >daughter..." CROW: (Sarcastic) Aw...*sniff*, that was beautiful! What a cop out. TOM: (Really sarcastic) Boy, it's sure nice to see families stick Together during crises! > > "Goodbye..." was all Sasami could muster before collapsing to >the floor in tears. Slowly, Kawaibo let herself out. Sasami needed >to collect her thoughts for herself. Colapsing to the floor, Kawaibo >allowed herself to do what her body had needed to do from the start >of all of this. She cried. >The End ALL: Yay! >************* TOM: Why is it that every single hentai author out there makes liberal usage of stars in their crappy fics? MIKE: I dunno. Maybe it makes them feel important. CROW: I beg to differ... TOM: At least the fic is finally over... MIKE: No, there's more. TOM: D'OH! > This is intended to be a one-shot, but I've allready started >writing the sequel... E-Mail me at sfe_otaku@hotmail.com with any C&C you TOM: A sequel? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! CROW: I'll give you some C&C: This fic stinks and bite me! >have... I didn't intend for it to happen this way. I was going to use CROW: Then how the hell *did* you intend it to happen, Sasami lemon boy?! MIKE: I don't think you should ask that, Crow... CROW: (livid) Shut up! I have to know!! TOM: Crow's finally flipped... >Kagato, & have Kawaibo morph back into cabbit-form & 'clense' Sasami, >thus making them lovers in the end. But it just evolved into this. I MIKE: I *told* you not to give him any ideas! CROW: (disgusted) Good god... you little pervert! TOM: I guess it takes one to know one. (snickers) CROW: Bite me! >plan on putting Darkened Dreams: Part 2 on the net soon (20k allready, & >I'm not done yet! ;p). Also, I'm writing a story with a very talented TOM: Wait a minute... isn't that the fic where Aeka turned *really* goth? MIKE: I think so... TOM: NOOOO!!!!!!! KILL THE AUTHOR!! MIKE: Settle down, Tom! We'll just tackle it the way we always have. CROW: Does that mean Tom will have to have his explode multiple times during that fic? TOM: Shut up! >young lady named Sailor Mac! That should be out soon, as well... TOM: (looks at Sailor Mac's name) Talented?! With a name like Mac? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! MIKE: Come on, Tom. You're not being fair to her. TOM: Well, if Sailor Mac is stupid enough to condone working with the author of this fic, then she deserves it! >Finally, I'm writing two Ranma fanfics: One hentai & one non-hentai... >I think you'll like them. *sighs* If you want to check out my CROW: You think so? I think not! >non-hentai fanfics, please go to http://members.tripod.com/~fanfics >Anyhoo, peace & have fun!---Steve TOM: (mutters) Have fun he says... ugh! MIKE: Settle down, Tom. It's over. (Door sequence) 1...2...3...4...5...6... SATELLITE OF LOVE "How did Dr. Forrester fix the comm system so fast?" asked Crow as he stared at the seemingly mangled comm conduits. "I don't know, Crow. But he's had to fix a lot of stuff before. Let's ask him," said Mike as he pushed the red button. DEEP 13 "So Mike, how was the fic?" asked Dr. Forrester evilly. SATELLITE OF LOVE "Nauseating, sir. But nothing we can't handle," replied Mike casually, "By the way, how did you fix the comm system so fast? I mean, it took you a month to fix Deep 13 after Washu dropped by." DEEP 13 "So, you're finally becoming observant, Mike," cackled Dr. Forrester. He stepped aside to reveal TV's Frank with electrodes stuck to each side of his head and a radio antenna on top of his skull. "Uh, Clayton? This device is starting to zap my neural synapses...," said Frank. "Oh be quiet! Everybody knows that you don't have any brain cells to begin with, so stop complaining!" yelled Dr. Forrester. SATELLITE OF LOVE "Well, that's *one* way to make use of your lab assistant, Dr. F, sneered Crow sarcastically. "Yeah, doesn't that hurt?" asked Tom. DEEP 13 "I'm evil so who cares?" smirked Dr. Forrester. "Uh Dr. F..." said Frank. "Shut up and hold still! Your reception is terrible!" "But Dr. F..." cried Frank desparately. "What is it?! Mike, I'll deal with you later!" yelled the Doc as he ended the transmission. "I think I'm overloading," said Frank. "Impossible! I just ended the transmission!" said Dr. F as he turned to face Frank. A slight tremor could be felt around the world a few seconds later. Dr. Forrester, his face and lab coat blackened and charred, coughed slightly. "I told you, Dr F...," said Frank as he stood there nearly unscathed. Dr. Forrester calmly pressed the button... BLIP! FWOOSH! (Forrester's enraged screams and the sounds of Frank being strangled can be heard over the ending credits) Any comments, praises, meta-MSTings, or death threats may be sent to AkodoX@aol.com