Episode 1 --------------------------------------------------------------------- MST3K is copyright is Best Brains Inc. Revolutionary Girl Utena is copyright Be Papas The Bladed Rose is copyright wingsofleatherandlace, who is being a very good sport about this. Deep respect extended to both Michael Surbrook and Elmer Studios for demonstrating the riffing format which I am shamelessly appropriating for my own nefarious purposes. The riffing team is composed of characters from a much longer work of fiction of mine, but in all honesty, it doesn't really matter much. --------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: The fantastic luxury penthouse suite of the Phoebus II hotel, brightly illuminated by sunlight from two large picture windows. Immediately visible is the tastefully decorated living room containing several couches, end tables and a massive entertainment center. Little else is seen before one of the windows shatters as a young woman violently crashes through it. She rolls to her feet and looks around rapidly. She is about 5'10" tall and well proportioned with pale skin, brown eyes and straight black hair that is shorn in a perfectly straight line at the base of her neck. She is wearing dressy black shoes, slacks, suspenders and tie; a crisp, starched white shirt and an oversized suit jacket with the word "Sin" ornately embroidered across the back in red thread. Tiny silver inverted crosses dangle from her ears. She is Theresa Morraine, a capable magic user, an artist of some notoriety, and wanted on most civilized worlds for various high crimes too numerous to elaborate on here. Theresa: Vainglory! [A young man walks in from the kitchen. He is fairly tall (6'1") and thin and looks far too pretty to be real. He has blue eyes and his long blond hair hangs in waves to the middle of his back. He is dressed in an expensive looking grey suit that is obviously in a woman's cut and wears small silver wire rimmed eyeglasses. A straight sword hangs off his hip and he is carrying a large, heavy revolver. He is Kenneth van Ellison, a member of a small, minor and thoroughly unimportant noble family. He is also one of the more powerful wizards known to exist and Kether's best friend since childhood.] Kenneth: Ther- [At the sound of his voice, Theresa starts and hurls a tiny ball of flame in his direction. Kenneth sways slightly and it flies past him through the doorway. There is a muffled explosion and the sound of lots of breaking glass. He continues apparently unfazed.] Kenneth: He's not here. [There is yet another crash as the door to the penthouse is kicked in. Two more figures charge into the room, a man and a woman. Both are brandishing katana and both are dressed far more appropriately for this sort of thing in dark blue fatigues, boots and armored vests. The man is Kether Morraine, a full-fledged aristocrat, skilled swordsman, Theresa's elder brother and fate's perpetual whipping boy. He has a trim muscular build and looks quite a bit like his younger sister with fair skin and dark eyes. His black hair is cropped short and he is also the shortest person in the room at a whopping 5'4"] Kether: Where is he? Kenneth: The whole place is empty. [The young woman standing behind Kether says nothing. Although she is just a hair taller than he is at 5'5", her arms and legs are proportionally long and spindly to her body. She has large, expressive green eyes and soft, straight, light brown hair that reaches just past her shoulders. Her clothes do not disguise the fact that she looks dangerously, anorexically, thin. Her name is Shay. She is an artificially created life form and she is Kether's ward, pupil, assistant and technically, property. Among other things.] Kether: How did he know we were coming? [There is a clicking noise and heavy iron shutters slam down in front of both windows and the door, plunging the room into darkness. Several other shutters in the other rooms can be heard closing as well.] Kenneth: Oh dear. [The TV on the entertainment center flashes on to reveal the grinning visage of one Lucifer Vainglory, long time antagonist and all around not nice person. His jet-black hair hangs in oily ringlets around his face and over his shoulders and his well-trimmed beard frames his perfect teeth.] Vainglory: [Still grinning] Nice try, boy. Kether: [Snarling] You! Vainglory: [Waving his hand dismissively] Don't bother with the insults, boy; this is a recording. And don't worry that I'd try something nasty like flooding that room you're currently stuck in with poison or something. I told you before: I don't want to KILL you. I want to FIGHT you. Unfortunately, I'm not quite ready for our big showdown just yet, so I'll need you stay put for a little while whilst I make my escape. Make yourself comfortable; the doors are on a timed lock and will open shortly. I've also taken the liberty of preparing you some entertainment. Enjoy. [TV clicks off and then on again.] [Kether turns to Kenneth who is already tinkering with the lock mechanism.] Kether: Can you blow the door open? Kenneth: [Shaking his head] There's no point. By the time I finished preparing the spell, the shutters will open by themselves. We might as well do what he says and have a seat. The show can't possibly be that bad. [As the show starts, Kether and Shay sit together on one couch, Kenneth sits alone on the adjacent loveseat and Theresa drapes herself sideways across an overstuffed easy chair.] Theresa: Bloody hell. Shay: [Deadpan] We've got movie sign. [Everyone stares at her.] Shay: [Deadpan] It seemed appropriate somehow. >-------------------------------------------------------------------- >----------- Kether: Eat frapp ray, you bastards! >Title: "The Bladed Rose" >"Revolutionary Girl: Utena" theme borrowed. Not published for >profit. Can't bleed a turnip Theresa: I can bleed ANYTHING. >Low to high yuri scenes envolved, Theresa: The girl in blue spandex and white gi top? Kenneth: I believe they are referring to lesbian sex. Theresa: Oh. Cool. >if you don't like that sort of thing - don't read it. please leave >reviews. Kether: We're sort of trapped in an iron room at the moment. It's not like we have a choice. >Chapter One: Kenneth: Call me Ishmael. >Juri walked through the silent halls late in the evening, think of >the hunger that knawed inside of her. Kether: Mmmmm... Cheeseburgers... >A hunger that she knew was energy wasted. Theresa: [Stoner] I am soooo wasted, man. >Wasted, because..."Miracles don't exist." Kenneth: THERE ARE NO PANTS! Kether: It's awfully early in the game to be getting that obscure. >That phrase had become her mantra. Theresa: Pao Yeh Pao Lo Mi! Kenneth: That's a sutra. Theresa: Whatever. >The same dreams haunted her night after night and she knew they >wouldn't stop until there had been closure. Yet closure never came. Theresa: Try staples. Or maybe duct tape. Lots of duct tape. >As she chased the same circle in her head, Kether: Get back here! >she found herself again, at the fountain. She sat, wistfully >wondering when she could just stop licking her wounds so to speak. Theresa: She could stop and let me have a turn licking her wounds. Kenneth: I'd tell you to be quiet, but I couldn't bear the hypocrisy. >Her mind played through all the times at this fountain. With Ruka, >Utena, and - her. Purple eyes continued to stare back with feigned >innocence. Kenneth: [Shiori] Who, me? >She knew, she had to know. Theresa: [Screaming] It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook! >Frustration mingled with rage. Kether: Juri smash! >(Why? If she honestly knew how i felt, then why? Why must she treat >me like this? Crush me. Shay: [Completely Deadpan] I'm crushing your head. [Pause] Crush. [Everyone stares at her.] Kether: You don't have to force yourself if you don't want to, you know. >Tell me it will never happen. Tell me it will. But don't just act as >though nothing has happened!) Her jaw was clenched so tightly her >teeth ached. Theresa: I could make her jaw clench. Kether: Hey Ken, you've seen this whole series. Is Juri always this angsty? Kenneth: Not always; she's normally much better at holding this sort of thing in. Fic writers tend to downplay Juri's self-reliance and general bad-assitude in favor of making her a wimp. You didn't watch till the end? Kether: I gave up. The whole show was just too... pink. >It was about then she heard the faint wrustle of fabric and skin. Theresa: How exactly does one hear the "rustle" of skin? Kenneth: I suppose if aforementioned person was very old... [Kether and Theresa start gagging violently.] >There were too few people who would know where to find her at this >hour. And only one would possibly look for her here. Kether: Country music legend Dwight Yoakam! Theresa: Tim the Enchanter! Kenneth: It's probably Shiori. And I'd like to preemptively point out that Shiori has never actually seen Juri here. Juri was spying on Shiori kissing Ruka at the fountain, not the other way around. >She made it a point not to look in the girls direction. Theresa: [Juri] Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away. >"Why try to sneak up on me? We've know eachother for too long, >Shiori." Kenneth: Told you. >She heard the catch of breath and was given that much to console >her. "I, I - wasn't sneaking up on you Juri-san. Kether: Suuuuure, you weren't. Boy are you a rotten liar, Shiori. Theresa: [Shiori] N - No, this isn't a very large knife and I was not looking for a handy place in your back to stab you. >I noticed you walking and I wanted to know what would possibly keep >you up this late." Theresa: [Shiori] Besides me, I mean. Kenneth: No way. Shiori's violently homophobic; she's never give it up to Juri. Theresa: I meant by angsting. Kenneth: Oh. Theresa: Pervert. >Something about the way she said it rubbed Juri wrong. Besides, the >girl had been acting strangely of the late. Kenneth: Are you kidding? Acting strangely would be NOT trying to hurt you every chance she got. >"I don't really think it's any of your concern, Shiori." Kether: Buzz of kid, ya bother me. >Just then she realized her folly - and saw the chain dangling from >Shiori's Theresa: Pants. Kether: Wallet. Kenneth: I remember that; you thought you were quite hip, didn't you? Kether: For like, a week. Shut up. >hand. (Always playing the innocent, and now this - how do i explain >this? No, I can tell from the look in her eyes she's not going to >let this go.) "Where'd you get that? How long have you had it? Kenneth: Yes, that's what I'd like to know. I'd hate to break up all the fun by bringing up something silly like story continuity, but if Juri's making references to Ruka by the fountain, then that means that her locket has already been smashed to bits in her second duel with Utena. Speaking of which, anyone remember her, you know, the titular character? Supposedly, this show is about her. Kether: [Reaches over and pats Ken's arm] Breathe deep man. It's going to be okay. >It's mine, give it back - " >Shiori pulled it just out of Juri's grasp when the taller girl >reached for it. Theresa: Keep away! Keep away! >"I don't think so, Juri. you know, with all the time we knew each >other, I would have thought you would have a better picture." Juri's >eyes widened and her mouth parted slightly, words of protest falling >silently. Kenneth: Just to repeat the whole scene from the Black Rose episode. [Sighs] All of this has already been dealt with. >"Oh yes, I looked. How could I not? You know I've always wanted to >know who had your heart. And it turns out it was me all along! Kether: Surprise! >How disgusting! Theresa: Pokemon slashfic. [Kether and Kenneth both blanch visibly.] >I can't believe you..... you're so weak. And to think I thought >myself less than you - and here I hold the ultimate power over you. >Not just your love, but your reputation. Your life." The smiled with >wicked pleasure. Kether: Wow. Hey Ken, is Shiori always this much of a bitch? Kenneth: Well... yes, actually. The author got her characterization pretty much spot on. Shiori is hateful, cowardly, mean-spirited, manipulative, ungrateful, a liar and generally rotten to the core. She's almost universally hated by the fan community, but that's mostly because Juri's fans are numerous and rabid. >"Shiori, I don't know what you think you're going to do with that -" Theresa: [Juri] I don't know what you think you're going to do with that whipped cream. And that ferret. And those handcuffs. Kether: Stop that. Theresa: [Juri] But I don't think I mind. >Juri was reaching forwords, because she already knew what it was >Shiori was up to. Theresa: The ion cannon was a tip off. Kether: So she's going to be a bitch. Big surprise. Everyone knows what Shiori's up to. >"Why, Juri, aren't you everyone's prince? Kenneth: According to the movie, yes. >Everyone falls all over you, Kether: [Crunching noise] Ow. >and you play it up. All the while knowing you're a fraud. Kenneth: I fail to see what she's being a fraud about. So far, her only shortcoming is being in love with a little pest like yourself. >I think I'll just hang onto this little momento from my 'best >friend'. Maybe i can figure a way to put it to good use....." Kether: The kitchen table is wobbly. I can use this to prop up the leg. Kenneth: I seem to remember something about Shiori only being brave enough to confront Juri about the contents of her locket when under the Black Rose influence. >despite jumbled protests from Juri, Theresa: "Jumbled protests?" Just smack her around a bit! Why is Juri being such a wimp? Kether: Fanfic author's Ray of Enfeeblement. >Shiori backed away into the shadows again. Kether: It's Zato-1One! >Leaving a new knawing for Juri to deal with. Theresa: What's a "knawing?" Kether: This fic. Kenneth: I also recall that the one disgusted at the thought of Juri's locked becoming public knowledge was you, Shiori. Of course, that was the movie, too. Kether: You really liked this show didn't you? >Raza walked quietly among the students of ohtori. Tall and striking. >They were the only two words for her. Theresa: Who? Kenneth: What about pompous? How about contrived? Might I suggest the phrase "lacking shame?" Kether: Going straight for the neck, I see. Kenneth: Sorry, my "Self Insertion Sense" is tingling something fierce. Kether: Give her a break for a bit; maybe she won't be so bad. >The Incredibly long straight, black hair Kether, Theresa and Kenneth: It's INCREDIBLE! >fell in a cascade down her shoulders and back. A form grown women >would die for at just 16, Kether: If they die at 16, then they're not grown women. Kenneth: A "form?" Theresa: Yeah, you know: FORM OF! A USELESS PUDDLE OF WATER! >her eyes were brilliant orbs of silver. [Kether, Theresa and Kenneth all lean back and put on sunglasses.] >Full lips were quick to Kether: No. Theresa: Damn it. >laugh, but just as quick with a Kether: I said no. Theresa: Damn it! >sharp reply. Her skin was becoming tan with the amount of swimming >she had been doing after school. Theresa: Swimming makes you tan? Kether: The indoor pool doesn't, if that's what you're asking. Kenneth: [Bitter] Burn, Little Avatar, burn. >(So, a new day at Ohtori academy. It's amazing how no matter how you >look, if you're new anywhere, no one really wants to talk to you. Kether: [Raza] Why are they not all rushing forward to acknowledge my beauty? Theresa: Maybe everyone's freaked out by your bizarre eye color. >It's like having the social plague unti someone important to their >clique deems you fit for association. Theresa: Now that you mention it, where IS Nanami's loyal trio of bitch enforcers? Kenneth: Keiko, Aiko and Yuko. Theresa: Whatever. As long as somebody slaps her. >She was aware of the jealous glances, and the whispers. Kether: [Whispering] The author's on *her* side. >By now she was used to it. Two weeks at Ohtori and the students >still didn't know what to make of her. Kenneth: How about soap? Or perhaps an attractive lampshade? Kether: Jesus! Not quite that rough! She hasn't even done anything yet! Kenneth: She's probably the world's best fencer. >She was good in class, but made it a point not to stand out. She >excelled at anything physical, yet always stayed out of the way. Theresa: Well aren't we the passive-aggressive little self-insert? >Her taste was impeccable - said to be second only to the great >Arisugawa, Juri. Kether: Of course, everyone but the student council wears the same uniforms. Theresa: I didn't know that coral pants, epaulets and sausage curls constitute "impeccable style." Kenneth: This is you talking? >(A girl I still have yet to meet!) Theresa: [Juri] Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away. >The boys loved her, Theresa: Frequently. >but none would approach her because none of the girls had taken her >in. Kether: This story is getting obscene. >She just didn't fit in here. Theresa: Maybe with some axle grease and a lot of shoving. Kether: Was that line suspect? Theresa: I haven't decided yet. >(And I never will.....) Kether: Well, it's because you're not a canon character. Kenneth: I've been kind to the typing so far, but I'd like to point out that an ellipsis has exactly THREE dots. No more. No less. >A smirk crossed her face. Theresa: And went home. >Maybe she would try standing out just this once. Theresa: Yeah. You and your freakish silver eyes. >I'll kill two birds with one stone. I'll meet Ms. Arisugawa in her >own arena Kenneth: [Raza] And then she will promptly smack me down. >and then I'll show her what i'm made of. Kether: Wishful thinking. And cheese. >No one can stop me with a rapier. Kether: I can, however, stop you with this flamethrower. >She can't be half as good as they say.) Kenneth: [Snorts] Kether: Are you a Juri fanboy? Kenneth: Perilously close. >The day went quickly. Kether: Whoosh. >the occasional rumor reaching her ears. "Did you hear? Kenneth: [Shadow Girl] Kashira, kashir- [Theresa slaps the back of his head] >Something is going on with Arisugawa - san. She may be withdrawing >from the fencing captaincy. What could possibly do that? Do you >know? Kenneth: Now is when I point out that all of the shadow girls' skits were a reference to the episode they were in. Kether: Really? I never understood what they were talking about. Kenneth: Sometimes they were really allegorical. >Raza found the gym after school and geared up for practice. Theresa: +50 Broadsword of Smiting, Shield of ultra improved Imperviousness, rubber duck... >She walked out to sign the roster and was aware of a commanding >presence behind her. Theresa: [Juri] Bow, mortal! >"You're new here, aren't you?" Kether: She hasn't been hazed yet, if that's what you mean. >What level of expertise do you think you have? Let's see....." Kenneth: Ellipsis. Three dots. Kether: Fragments. Speaking in. Theresa: Both of you stop talking like Yoda. >The firey haired young woman stared at the roster. Kether: [Reading] Eggs, bread, milk, sleep with the self-insertion... Theresa: Oh yes, the author did warn us about some girl on girl stuff. >I'm afraid i'll have to take you off the advanced. Only people >tested by me can be declared advanced." Theresa: [Raza, Sultry] You can test me if you want. >"Then I suppose you're just going to have to test me." Theresa: I was joking. Kether: I wasn't expecting the lemony stuff quite this fast. >Raza looked Juri dead in the eye, as if to say, Theresa: Take me. >"I know you, and you don't scare me!" Kether: Oh yeah, you're real brave with the looking-in-the-eye-talk. Why don't you try saying that out loud? >"Captain of the fencing team - Arisugawa, Juri-san, I presume? Theresa: Well, DUH! Who else wears sausage curls? >well, I have the level I claim, Kether: I can so beat XAN. >and I'll show you if I must!" Raza picked up her blade and held it >level, with perfect form, Kenneth: Ooooooh. PERFECT form. I told you she'd be a bad ass. >and walked to the mat. Once there, she assumed the traditional >position. Theresa: Freeze! Assume the "traditional" position. What is the traditional position anyway? Kenneth: Sword forward. Off hand held up like a nancy. >with a little flair to make sure everyone was watching, Kether: [Raza] Look at me! Look at meeeee! >then looked at Juri with all the arrogance she could muster. "If you >are the sempai they say, Kenneth: Uh, kid, there are a lot of "sempai" at any given school. >beating me shouldn't be a problem. Kenneth: It shouldn't, but avatars gum up the easiest things. >En garde!" >Juri just couldn't believe this girl! What kind of impertinent fool >would so obviously challenge her in front of so many? Kether: Raza has the strength of madness! >Her anger boiled for a moment before she realized - the kind that >was no fool. Theresa: Something is wrong with this sentence. Kether: Huh? So, it boiled, and then, no fool, and... aaargh! >So, this is the new student..... Now i know why Shiori's been acting >a little out of the norm. Kenneth: What the hell does Shiori have to do with anything? She pops up in the middle of the night, acts bitchy, threatens to blackmail you - all sounding perfectly normal so far. Now a black haired, silver-eyed twit is grandstanding in your gym! The two are completely unrelated! Kether: Pull in the fangs. We have a while to go. >This girl looks like something else all together. Theresa: Blatant self-aggrandizement. >Well, she's most likely very good, but really, she's too arrogant to >be as good as she thinks.) Kenneth: Au contraire. Perhaps you didn't notice her PERFECT form. >"All right, but before i beat you into the ground - perhaps you >would like to tell everyone your name?" Kenneth: I hate to nitpick... who the hell am I kidding? Juri doesn't talk like that. She's way more refined. She'd probably make thinly veiled threats about doing something you'd regret. >The silver eyes danced with amusement. Theresa: [Ivy] Odorei! >"Raza. Belevue, Raza. Kether: [Raza] This is my kid sister, Alma. And this is my childhood pal, Delita; he has a kid sister too, but she dies at the end of Chapter 1. >And now," She bowed elegantly, never taking her eyes from Juri's, >"Would you be so kind as to take the floor, sempai?" The last was >added rhetorically. Kenneth: "Sempai" was added rhetorically? She's getting a lot of mileage out of that word. Kether: Take the floor? Where? Theresa: Feeble. >(Two can play at this game.) Kenneth: That's sort of how fencing works. >"Alright Belevue, Raza-san." Juri bowed back to mock her, though >those silver eyes held her in a grip she was so unfamiliar with. Theresa: [Juri] She digs me. >"En garde!" Kether: Ikuzo! Kenneth: Kiena! Theresa: Shi-ne! Shay: [Deadpan] Master of all swords, cut energy. Night sword. [Everyone stares at her.] Shay: [Deadpan] What? >The clank and clash of steel reverbrated through the halls of Ohtori >and gathered quite the crowd. Kether: [Carnival Barker] Right this way, ladies and gentlemen! See the awesome power of the author avatar! Marvel at her perfect form! Be amazed by her incredibly long hair! >Students gasped in awe of the blur of movement. Theresa: [Student] What are they doing? Kether: [Student] I can't tell. It's too blurry. >The panther and the shadow exchanging blows and dodging thrusts >furiously. Theresa: Oh YEAH! Exchanging "blows." Dodging "thrusts." [Kether pushes hard on the bridge of his nose.] >Each taking a second to step back and reassess her oppenent Theresa: [Juri] Hey. Kenneth: {Raza] Hey. >only to charge right in when a weak point seemed to reveal itself. Kether: [Weak point] Over here! >and always met with a parry or a sidestep. >Juri watched the other girl's near liquid movements carefully. Kenneth: Raza's the T-1000 now? >Their eyes never escaped elsewhere - always into eachothers. Kether: Sounds gooshy. >The ferocity of the silver as Raza lunged or parried had kept Juri >in the grip of her eyes. This would be a battle neither ever would >forget. Kenneth: Because big, important things like an informal tryout fight are the sort of things that stay with you forever. >Sweat was beginning to drip in Juri's eyes. Theresa and Kenneth: Hmmmmm... >and she noticed the same in Raza. But the fierceness of the attack >never faded. Kether: She'd used color safe bleach. >(She'll run us both into the ground if someone doesn't win soon! Kether: Is this a fencing match or a train wreck? Kenneth: Let me get back to you on that. >I have to figure something out. Let's see....) Theresa: [Juri] Hmmm. Statue of Liberty... destroyed... OH MY GOD! >Meanwhile, Raza couldn't believe how calculated the fencing captain >was. Kether: Juri squared = (AxA) + (BxB) >She was always, if not ahead of time, then right on time with her >own moves. (She's better than they said. Just keeping up with me has >to have been a task and yet she hasn't faltered.... Kenneth: Raza is SUCH an incredible swordsman. No really; I am in awe. Kether: Bitter? >I don't know how much longer I can keep this pace! Theresa: Juri can really wear a girl out. Kether: Stop that. Theresa: I was talking about her swordsmanship. Kether: Oh. Theresa: Pervert. >I have to win!) But her resolve wasn't as complete as she would have >liked. In weariness, she made the mistake of letting her eyes >wonder. Kenneth: Wonder what? >She couldn't help but notice how fast and accurate Juri's feet moved Kenneth: I'd say something about adverbs right now, but previous fics have dramatically lowered my grammar expectations. > - or how long and slender the other legs were. Theresa: Why yes... yes they are. >By the time she moved up, her wrist was somehow tweaked aside and >she found her opponents rapier point deep in her heart-point. Kenneth: Then Raza realized how foolish she was to let Juri use a rapier in a sport fencing match. Then she bled everywhere and died. >"Point and match! Kether: One hit? That's it? >Arisugawa, Juri has won the match!!!! Kenneth: And a whole lot of exclamation marks. >One of the students, a blue haired youth Kether: Billy Lee Black? Theresa: Serge? Kenneth: Ukyo Tachibana? >by the captains seat announced. Girls giggled and boys let out the >breath they'd been holding. Kether: Causing the building to implode. >As was custom, Theresa: The hearts of the losing team were cut out and offered to the gods. >raza removed her helm first. Kenneth: Helm? Helm? It never said they put on helms. What about all that stuff about holding each other in the grip of their eyes? And the detail of seeing sweat in each other's eyes? You can't do that if you're both wearing face masks. >She let her hair fall perfectly, albeit damply, down her sholders >and back. Kether: Apparently, it just appeared so that she could take it off dramatically and let her hair down. Kenneth: PERFECTLY. >She smiled winningly, knowing that, if nothing else, she had won on >a personal level Theresa: Let me check my dictionary. Ahem: "Win on a personal level" is a euphemistic term that means one lost miserably. >and managed to make her place in Ohtori. >"Point and match, sempai. That was fun, we should do it again >sometime. Theresa: [Raza] Next time *I* wanna wear the Zorro hat and spurs. >I hope my performance was well up to your advanced standards." Theresa: It's just too easy. Never mind. >She gave Juri a sincere smile. Though she maintained the fire in her >eyes. Kether: More coal! >She didn't like losing - even if it was to someone like Juri. Kenneth: She's only probably the most skilled swordsman in the whole damn show. I'm furious enough already that she just squeaked the win by you. >The team captain took a moment to compose herself, then pulled her >own helm off. Kether: Every time the author says "helm," I imagine a big, clanky, metal thing. Kenneth: Well, I suppose then they could have at least seen each other's faces. >Ringlets of red fell out. Theresa: That doesn't look healthy. Kenneth: Orange. > - not quite as damp as Razas. Kether: The true measure of how good a swordsman you are is how sweaty your hair gets. Theresa: Really? Kether: No. >But what surprised everyone was that the captain was not angry - >rather, she was smiling just as sincerely. "Very good! I think we >should deffinitely spar more often. Though, I have to wonder if I >will be as lucky next time! Kenneth: No. Absolutely not. Juri is stern and formal. She may get that chummy with Miki when she beats him, but he's meek, humble, polite and non-threatening. Juri is very proud. And very confident in her skills. There is no way she'd greet a pushy little twit like that. >You've more than earned your place in the advanced team." Then she >looked at the others, "Alright, everyone to the showers! Shay: [Juri, Deadpan] I will come along and snap towels at you. Pay no attention to this camcorder. Kether: Shay! Theresa: That was mine! >See you all tomorrow!" >"Ms. Belevue, would you please stay for a moment?" Kether: [Juri] Could you tell me exactly why your character designer elected not to give you a nose? >Juri's demeanor was such as no one had seen her before. Almost - >pleasant. Kenneth: Wrong again. Juri has been seen being kind and supportive to her students, to say nothing of Miki whom she's often cordial with. Also we can't forget UTENA, the MAIN CHARACTER, who she became friendly with near the end, even going so far as to joke that she'd put her picture in a new locket. >"May I ask where you learned to move like that?" Theresa: [Raza] It's not something you learn. Once you're covered in the vegetable oil, you don't really have to think about it. >Raza walked over and began stripping her gear off, glad to let her >body breath again. Theresa: At least this fic has some fan service. Kenneth: I can't say I like her character, but I do agree that all authors make sure their avatars are easy on the eyes. >She smiled back, "Probably the same place you did." Kenneth: If she's contrived it so that Ruka trained her, I am going to scream. Kether: Who? Kenneth: Ruka. He doesn't show up until much later in the show and he doesn't hang around for long before dying of a terminal illness. He's quite a formidable duelist. Kether: And he taught Juri? Kenneth: Uh-huh. Kether: Gotcha. >Juri's eyes clouded back over. "I don't think so. The person who >trained me isn't around anymore...." Kenneth: Thank heaven for small mercies. Of course, if Ruka's gone, then that means I was right about Juri's lockect already being smashed, so she still shouldn't have it here. >Raza took note of how she suddenly turned in on herself. Kenneth: Well it is sort of a personal thing. Considering he was one of the few people to ever really care about her even when he knew her secret. I can't imagine why she wouldn't go around telling the story to every self-insert she met. >"Well then, I suppose you could say it's just a natural talent. Kether, Theresa and Kenneth: Of course. >I loved fencing so much as a child that I practiced like a maniac >every day. Kether: Then, it's not so much a natural talent as a developed skill, is it? Kenneth: What sort of parent lets their kid go around poking at things with swords? Kether: You mean besides ours? >It just seemed so right." Theresa: [Singing] It just can't be wrong. >Juri looked at Raza for a moment. Kether: [Juri] Silver eyes? The hell? >Something about the young woman was so appealing Theresa: [Juri] She's taking off her clothes. Heh. >- and then she figured it out. "Do you model, Raza-san?" [Kenneth smacks himself HARD in the forehead.] Kenneth: Shoot me. Go ahead. Take my gun and shoot me. >Raza grimmaced for a second and then nodded. Kenneth: Naturally. She must have been giving off subsonic "I'm a model" waves. Kether: Maybe it's like The Highlander and they can feel each other's presence. >"Since you asked, yes, I do occasionally. I try not to make a habit >of it. Theresa: Modeling is a habit? Kether: It doesn't seem like the sort of thing you can wake up in the morning and just sort of accidentally slip into. >The money's good, but habits I don't care to take up predominate >that world. Theresa: Looking hot, wearing pretty clothes, traveling and being fawned over? Yeah, that's the sort of thing I want to avoid. Kenneth: I just can't envision you eating celery stalk and some crushed ice for lunch. >I believe I've heard you do some modeling yourself, or am I >mistaken?" Theresa: [Singing] I'm a model, you know what I mean... >Juri seemed bored with the subject, Kenneth: Of course Juri's bored; world famous designers send her insanely expensive trinkets for free just so she can be seen wearing them and she acts bored. I wouldn't expect her to be impressed with the likes of you, little girl. >so she nodded as well, "I know what you mean about habits. It's one >of the only reasons I haven't taken off to New York. Kether: [Juri] Well, that and I was kinda involved in a shadow conspiracy type thing with the other student council members here to gain the power to revolutionize the world. Otherwise, I would be *so* there. >I've had plenty of offers, but too many have gone there and just >gotten burned out. If they want me bad enough, they'll come to me." Kenneth: Oh yes, Juri, they want you bad enough. Millions of fanboys AND fangirls think you're the best thing since chocolate covered chocolate. They will come. And then they will write fics about you, completely omitting the protagonist of the original show. >"Well," Raza added, "Looks like evening is coming on in a hurry Kether: That must have been a long duel. >and I haven't had dinner yet. I'm sure you have other things to >do...." Theresa: [Juri] Hmmm... Pine over Shiori, pine over Shiori, allow myself to be manipulated by my former fencing teacher, pine over Shiori... I'm swamped. >"Not really. I was getting hungry myself, you want to go get >something to eat?" Theresa: Take that as you will. >Juri shocked herself with the familiarity. Kenneth: And shocked us with her grossly out of character behavior. >(It's just dinner, not a date or anything. Kenneth: This is not happening. >besides, we have a lot in common. Theresa: Of course you do! Juri is a badass and angsty and Raza is... What's Raza? Kenneth: Irritating. Kether: She hasn't given us a backstory yet. Or interests, hobbies, friends, romantic entanglements or anything else besides her impeccable features. Which makes me curious about how Juri reached that conclusion. >What was that about keeping enemies close? Theresa: Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies close enough to stab them repeatedly when they cross you. >Then again, she's no exactly an enemy, Kenneth: Oh yes she is. >more of a competitor. Oh, well, let's just see where things go....) Kenneth: To hell in a handcart, if I'm reading the signals here. >"That would be great, you really don't have any other plans?" Raza >looked at the other fencer disbelievingly. Theresa: [Juri] Pine over Shiori, pine over Shiori, get myself seduced by the self-insertion character, pine over Shiori... >"Not really. I intimidate most people. And I won't waste my time >with the rest." Juri gave Raza a long look. Theresa: [Juri] I wonder if she'll wear the Bo Peep outfit. >"I guess you're not like everyone else." Kether: No, sirree! Dig these eyes! >Not sure what to think of that statement, Raza just went with it. >"No, I'm nothing like anyone else, but perhaps you, Arisugawa-san." >Her voice dropped low. Kenneth: And smashed fans of the original show in the nuts. Kether: You can be pretty crass when you're upset. Kenneth: I'm sorry. I try to avoid it. >Juri took a moment to think that last statement over. Kether: [Juri] "But perhaps me," what? >Then she shrugged, Theresa: [Juri] Who cares if she doesn't make any sense, she's hot! >Well, I don't know about you - but I want this sweat off and a good >meal!" Theresa: That sentence is dirty somehow, but I can't make the joke work. >Raza laughed hesitantly. Kether, Theresa and Kenneth: BWA! HA! HA! HA! Shay: [Deadpan] Ha. >"Sounds good, let's go," Kether: What a delightful idea. END CHAPTER ONE [There is another click and the shutters all slowly rise, bathing the room in sunlight. All of them squint a bit and get up sluggishly] Kether: We are not impressed. Kenneth: I confess my error; it *could* possibly be that bad. Theresa: So, wanna head to the spaceport and see if we can still catch him? Kether: Nah, he's probably long gone. We'd just be wasting our time. So Ken, what did you think of the fic? Kenneth: You mock me. This was an example of a common malady in Utena fanfiction. A self-insertion decides to "save" Juri from her angst, completely ignoring the fact that if she were happy, she wouldn't be nearly as interesting. And there was no Utena in that Utena fic. Instead we have Raza, who, as you can see, I've already developed considerable rancor for. Theresa: [Shrugs] You're just a whiny purist. Kether: It was fun to riff, anyway. Theresa: Does this hotel have an A.I.? Soothing, Artificially Synthesized, Polite, Female Voice: Yes. Theresa: Is there any booze in this place? A.I.: There is a fully stocked wet bar in the cabinet to your left. Theresa: [Opening cabinet] Score! Kether: [Motioning at Shay and Kenneth] Well, we're heading back. Are you going to be showing up later? Theresa: [Pouring a glass] I don't know. Maybe. In the meantime I'm going to drink myself happy. Kether: I'll leave a light on. [They exit] ---------------------------Credits----------------------------------- Kether and Theresa Morraine, Kenneth van Ellison and Shayla Sommerson are all copyright The Vainglory (Michael Riffle) 1995-2002 Send all comments to LuciferVainglory@msn.com Constructive criticism will be taken to heart. Poorly written flames will be distributed amongst my circle of very popular friends and mocked without mercy. --------------------------------------------------------------------- >I hope my performance was well up to your advanced standards.