They were a trio of avatar girls, out looking for some action.

Kaye Osiris:  The adventurer.  Almost anorexically skinny, she
can still kick the asses of men twice her size and weight.

Marisa Tornosas:  The mercenary.  Once a hopeless romantic, now a
hopeless cynic.  Ready for action and money anytime.

Nekita Gorusama:  The free-spirit.  A good vampire: Nekita works for
the good of the people half the time, and the good of herself the rest.

They were . . .

THE BAD GIRLS OF SELF-INSERTATION

And they didn't give a damn.

******************
BGoSI Episode 1:  Everybody Loves Squall!
[aka Yet Another Angsty Yaoi Pretty Boy Lemon Fic]
Rated NC-17 (Not for teens 17 and under, unless they sneak past the
the safeguards, damn you lying kids)
******************

[A living room, but it's a total pigsty.  Various magazines, pizza
boxes, weapons and the like are scattered about the room.  A couch is
in the center, placed in front of a large screen TV.  In other words,
your basic non-theater setting for a MiSTing.

Two young women sit on the couch.  One, Kaye, is an incredibly skinny
young thing, with a large loop of hair brushed to one side in a stylish
cowlick and a long loose blonde ponytail down her back.  She wears
basic RPG travelers garb -- a tunic with boots and a cape that drapes
her shoulders and splits up the back.  Two knives are kept in sheaves
on both sides of her waist.  She has large blue eyes which dwarf her
other facial features.

The other, Marisa, is tall, which clashes with her almost oriental
facial features.  Her face is rounded and crowned by an astoundingly
spiky crop of blue hair, with a long, thin ponytail.  Underneath a
near-poncho like cape, she wears a white leotard which cuts low over
her breasts, with the jewel of the cape placed conveniently over where
the split of her breasts would show.  She sports a very ornate, jeweled
belt, which has a whip curled on her left side.  The leotard has two
long, delicate drapes hanging down the back of it.  The ensemble is
finished with a pair of red and white knee-length boots.

The two are sitting together, reading a letter.]

Marisa: . . . but other than that the Chibis are tolerable.  The
atmosphere gets a little crazier by the day, but we manage.  Of
course, we have to try and keep Alexis from slaughtering Hibichi
and Crow 2, but she's gotten better about it, as has the twosome.
Bodger is . . . well, Bodger.  Well, the Mads are calling, so I'll
write you more later.  Wish you were here, Kirin.  PS  Send
popcorn; the Mads won't give us a fresh supply.

Kaye:  Well, it sounds like they're doing all right, I suppose.

Marisa:  Yeh, but Kirin's always been a resilient little shit.
Amazing, really.

Kaye:  You sending popcorn?

Marisa:  HELL no.  Not with THAT postage.

[The sound of a door opening and closing can be heard off-stage.
Enter Nekita, a Japanese woman with pale skin and a punk-spike
hairdo which falls to her shoulders in the back.  She wears a black
bikers jacket, large spiked bracelets, a somewhat shredded tank top
and a pair of tight jeans.  She's got a stack of videos with her.]

Nekita:  All riiiight!  Video night is ON!

Kaye:  Just as long as it's not more Minesweeper porn.  My mind just
can't compute that sort of thing.

Nekita:  Hey, I SAID I was sorry!  Don't worry, this is the good stuff.
Plenty of hot slash action here!

Marisa: [slaps forehead]  You said the same thing about the Minesweeper
shit!

[Nekita just grins evilly.]

Kaye:  Well, let's pop it in already!  Girls' Night's late as it is!

Nekita:  Sorry, it's gonna have to wait!

Marisa:  Argh!  Till WHAT?!

Nekita:  The commercial, of course!

Marisa:  The COMMERCIAL?!  What --

--- Commercials ---

New MAT3K, containing ten percent more or less, is absolutely
indistinguishable from a dead crab.  Remember -- read MAT3K and
go to HEAVEN!

--- End Commercials ---

Marisa: -- oh.

Kaye:  Okay, so what's THIS one about, then?

Nekita:  Lessee . . . "Control," a March Hare production.  "Unfinished,
YAOI, rape, lemon, incest, angst, you know, the usual type of thing.
It's "Molest Squall Day," but nobody told the poor comander [sic].
Flame me and I'll break your face, you don't like it, don't read it."

[Pause]

Marisa:  Dammit, Nekita, can't you just get the stuff from the freakin'
Blockbuster?

Kaye:  Yeah, this horror porn stuff really doesn't sit well in my
stomach.

Nekita:  Actually, I think it's more of a psychological chiller than
anything else.

Kaye:  I don't give a crap!  I don't want to see something like that!

Nekita:  Well, why don't we just do like Bichi and the others been
doing?

Marisa:  You mean, "MiST?"

Nekita:  Yeah!  It'll be a laugh.

Kaye:  What, so we sit all the way through an unpleasant piece of
work, endure stuff we wouldn't watch on a normal basis, and gross
ourselves out, all to toss a few stupid comments at a TV screen?

Nekita:  Yep!

Kaye:  What the hell, I haven't got anything better to do.

Nekita:  All right!  Well, let's get the checklist under way!  Got the
beer, Kaye?

Kaye:  As always.

Nekita:  Marisa.  Snacks?

Marisa:  Ice cream, popcorn, hoagies, goats blood for you, Nekita
(bleah) . . .

Nekita:  All right!  Let's ROCK!

[She pops the first video into the player.  Pan around and focus on
TV screen, where text runs.  Seating order: Marisa, Kaye, Nekita.]

>A tall, black-haired figure stepped under the stream of water.

Kaye: [Figure]  I dreamt I was a woman in my Maidenform bra.

>"Dad? What are you doing?" His son, who was in the shower at the time
>of his entrance, stepped back against the wall as Laguna advanced.

Marisa: [Laguna]  You're taking up all the hot water in the rest of
the house.  We need to share.
Nekita: [Squall]  All right, all right, but no more "dropping the
soap."  That's more than I needed to see, thanks.

>"Shhh..." Laguna placed his index finger in front of his pursed lips
>and leaned in. "Don't scream."

Marisa: [Squall]  It's hard not to, when you're STANDING ON MY DAMN
FOOT!
Nekita:  Whoo hoo!  Hot guy on guy action!
Kaye:  Ugh!  Nekita, this is incest!
Nekita:  Well yeah, it's gross when you put it THAT way . . .

>With swift movement, he captured his slight son in one arm and held
>his head still with the other while he kissed his flushed lips.

Kaye:  Clark Gable he ain't.
Marisa:  Better than his unflushed lips, I suppose.

>Long strands of black hair fell into Squall's face and he tried to
>struggle away, but his father was too strong.

Nekita:  What, Laguna?  He always struck me as a noodle arms.
Kaye:  Well, if he can push somebody as butch as Adel around so
easily, why the hell not?

>The marble was cold as Laguna pushed him up against it, spreading his
>legs with his knee, and not breaking the kiss.

Marisa:  Don't break those kisses.  You break 'em, you bought 'em.
Kaye:  Speaking of marble, pass the Haagen Daaz, Neki.
Nekita:  No prob.  [Lobs the carton at Kaye]
Kaye:  Cheers.

>This isn't happening, this isn't happening...Squall chanted in his
>head over and over again as he felt tears swell in his stormy eyes.

Marisa:  Squall!  Stormy!  Nya ha ha ha!
Kaye:  Even in the midst of horror, the author still finds time to
describe the character's facial features.  Admirable.

>But it was, and even though this was half the reason for his creation,

Nekita:  He was half-created to bonk his pa?
Kaye:  No wonder he was so bloody depressed all the time.

>he bit down on the intruding tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Nekita:  Yum!  My man!
Marisa:  Suddenly I'm in the mood for a tongue sandwich.

>Feeling his blood trickling into Squall's mouth and down his chin,
>Laguna broke the kiss and hit him as hard as would keep him conscious.

Kaye:  Yeeouch.  Laguna's got Mike Tyson beat.
Nekita:  Let's see some ear biting, baby!

>He smiled at his son cowering in the corner, curling up where he had
>fallen, crying quietly, not even sobbing, just trying to protect his
>body from more assault.

Marisa:  It was always open to more "a-pepper," though.
[Kaye whacks her upside the head.]
Kaye:  Don't stretch it.
Nekita:  Wow.  And this was the guy who could whack Ultima Weapon in
a single Lionheart.  Tsk.

>That was enough for now. Laguna stepped out of the shower and reached
>for a towel and his clothes.

Kaye:  Finding neither, he settled for the bathroom rug.
Marisa:  He's no frood, that's for certain.

>"Squall! Phone for y-" Irvine paraded into the room and nearly dropped
>the phone in his hands at the sight of Laguna.

Nekita: [Irvine]  Yeow!  Where ya been all my life?
Kaye:  [Irvine]  Oh my God, look at the size of that zit!  I mean,
ewwww!
Marisa:  [Irvine]  Whoops.  Wrong room.

>He stood there with his jaw open as Laguna smiled and grabbed his
>jacket, smacking him in the face with his wet hair as he left.

Kaye:  I hear that's a way of declaring a duel in Seventeenth Century
Europe.

>The shower door was still open and the water was running.

All:  Well they'd better go and catch it, then!

>A pathetic sound echoed from inside.

Nekita:  David Duchovny was trying to act again.
Marisa:  I thought you liked David Duchovny.
Nekita:  Nah, he's a flake.
Kaye:  Cute voice, though.
Marisa:  Odd, Kirin kinda sounds like him . . .

>Irvine peeked his head in and saw Squall on the floor, rocking back
>and forth, holding his knees, and crying.

Nekita:  And now, the obligatory "angsty bishounen boy" bit.

>"Hello? Hello! Squall? Irvine? Is ANYONE there?" The phone yelled,
>forgotten in Irvine's palm.

Marisa:  Wow, telemarketers be puuuuushy.

>Irvine held the phone to his ear and spoke. "Yeah, Zell. Look, I need
>to ask you a favor, can you just come down to Squall's room?"

Nekita: [Irvine]  Bring a can of whipped cream and some melted
chocolate with you, eh?  Thatta boy.
Kaye:  You're one sick mo-fo, Nekita.

>"Uh, sure. Why? Is something wrong?" Came a static-ridden response.

Marisa: [Irvine]  Yeah, this damn phone.  Just a sec . . . *whack
whack*

>"Tell ya when you get here. Just hurry." Click.

Kaye:  Right, who snuck the Clackit on the set?  Anybody?

>Irvine set down the phone on the counter and looked over his shoulder
>in the mirror at Squall.

Nekita: [Irvine]  Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the studliest
of us all?  Rowr!

>He was watching him. There was also something on his lips and chin,
>aside from the huge bleeding bruise developing across the left side of
>his face.

Kaye:  Daaamn, but Squall was a messy eater.
Marisa:  That's why you should always keep a napkin on you.

>"Shit."

Nekita:  Eww!  That's a hell of a thing to get on your face!

>He whispered to himself before turning around and facing his broken
>friend.

Kaye:  All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put
Squall back together again!

>Irvine stuck his hand under the water and felt the temperature.
>Freezing, just peachy. He turned it off and held up a towel to Squall.

Marisa: [Irvine]  How many of these am I holding up?
Kaye:  [Irvine]  Toro!  Toro!

>A shaking hand reached out to take it, and Irvine turned to face the
>wall and give him some last bit of dignity.

Marisa:  And then the Blair Witch came and killed the both of them.
End of story.
Nekita:  You been hangin' round that elf boy too much, Marisa.
Marisa:  Ha!  I taught him everything he knows!

>"Do you want to tell me what happened, Squall? Or do I have to tell
>Cid what I saw?"

Kaye: Option number one!  No, two!  Wait, go for the box!  The BOX!
Marisa: [Bill Donohue]  The Box it is!  Fetch the dead horse!

>"Nothing happened. There's nothing to tell. You'll only get people
>upset and hurt." Squall said, pulling on his boxers and wiping off his
>face with alcohol.

Nekita:  Damn, a perfectly good bottle of beer, down the drain.
Marisa:  It's probably skunky anyway.

>"I figured you'd say something like that. I didn't want to resort to
>doing this but... If you don't tell-"

Kaye:  . . . then you won't say nor hear either?

>"-Us, we're calling Seifer. I have the number for his hotel.

Marisa: [Zell]  It's a Motel 6.  *snicker*

>Plus, I just saw your father walking down the hall. Do you think he
>should know, too." The door opened and Zell checked inside. "Squall...
>You're face..."

Nekita:  [Zell]  I'm face . . . We are ALL face.
Kaye:   Now now, let's not take things at "face" value.
Marisa:  Leave her alone.  It's a common mistake.

>Irvine looked at his feet and mumbled. "He is one of the few people
>who knows what did just happen."

Kaye: [Irvine]  He must go to the holy mountain of Antioch and recover
the mystic sword now!
Marisa:  [Irvine]  My, I've got big feet.  I hope nobody notices.

>Self-control breaking, Squall slammed his fists on the counter and
>whirled to face them.

Nekita:  Now whirl your body round and round, and promenade!

>"Nothing happened! I fucking told you that! There's no reason to tell
>anyone that the President of Esthar was kissing and feeling on a lowly
>SeeD!"

Kaye:  Whuh-oh -- looks like it's time to wag the dog, so to speak.
Marisa:  Somebody call Dustin Hoffman and Robert Di Niro!

>Zell scoffed and pushed Squall back over to the mirror. "And who did
>this?" His finger pointed to Squall's cheek.

Nekita: [Squall]  Tattoo parlor down the street.  Isn't it keen?  I've
got one on the other cheek, too.
Kaye:  Wrong cheeks, Nekita.
Marisa:  Somehow, in this fic I don't think it matters much.

>He looked away. "It's my fault."
>"Oh, so now you're going to tell me you slipped and hit it on the
>wall, right? I can see a ring impression, Squall.

Kaye:  And for his next trick, he'll do an impression of a house plant!

>That's it, I'm calling."
>"No!" Squall dived for Zell as he went into the bedroom.

Marisa:  He makes it to the forty yard line, the thirty yard line
. . . OOOOH!  Tackled by Squall.

>Irvine reached out his arm to stop his assault, but got caught in
>Squall's rush and fell with them.

Nekita:  o/~ Falling into you . . . o/~

>The carpet cushioned Zell's fall, his butt cushioned Squall's fall,
>and Irvine just landed awkwardly straddling Squall's hips.

Marisa:  Well if THIS isn't an obvious set-up, I dunno WHAT is.
Nekita:  Woooo!  Let the orgy begin!
Kaye:  You know, this whole sequence just doesn't work out in my mind.

>Zell looked over his shoulder and couldn't contain his laughter. He
>hoped Cid would knock and walk in at that very moment.

Nekita:  And take Polaroids.

>"Damn Squall, Seifer's really gonna be pissed now with you fucking us,
>too!"

Kaye:  Ah.  It's one of THESE fics.  *rolls eyes*
Nekita:  [Squall]  Actually, I'd bet he'd love it.  [Suddenly reels,
as if somebody hit her]  Who did that?

[Cut to limbo; an auburn haired woman with an eyepatch flexes her
hand.]
Alexis:  Pervert.

[Back to the living room]
Nekita:  That girl needs to lighten up.

>Said brunette rolled his eyes and tried to get up, but Irvine held his
>wrists and Zell rolled over and held him by the waist. "This isn't
>funny. Let me up, now!"

Kaye:  He's fallen, and he can't get up!
Nekita:  Viagra's good for that.

>"You know you have no sense of humor at all? Just because you and
>Seifer fuck, it doesn't mean you're his possession." Irvine smiled,
>grinding his hips down into Squall's boxer-clad buttocks.

[All wince]
Marisa:  Maybe I'm wrong, but that would hurt like hell on a guy.

>"Would it really be that horrible if we didn't have clothes on right
>now?"

Nekita: [Irvine]  I mean it.  I'm wearing wool underwear.  Itches
like hell.

>"I mean it, Irvine! Both of you get off! Is it 'Sexually Assault
>Squall Day' and no one told me? Or is everyone in on fucking up my
>head?"

Kaye:  Actually, it seems to be "Let's All Act Out of Character"
Day.
Marisa:  Or "Yaoi" Day.

> Squall writhed, bit, and kicked, but only dislodged his single
>article of clothing more.

Nekita:  Squall needs to get a pair of boxers that fits him.  I
mean, daaaamn!
Kaye:  I'll bet he's the type who loses his swimming trunks every
time he goes swimming.
[All think about that for a moment.  They begin grinning and giggling.]

>"Irvine, he's right. This is wrong." Casting a sidelong glance at the
>bed, Zell winked at him and released Squall's waist.

Marisa: [Zell]  What the -- why, this isn't the proper way to do
the Heimlich Maneuver!  Sorry, Squall, we've been practicing for
a while, and can't quite get the hang of it . . .

>"Thank you." Squall sighed with relief.
>"Carpet burns could be called into question."

Nekita:  Too true, too true.
Kaye: [Zell]  Let's do Indian Burns instead!  Wheee!
Marisa:  [Squall]  Waaa!  I'll tell Mommy!

>"WHAT?" The cowboy hooked his arms around Squall's waist and legs
>while Zell locked his wrists together over his chest. They carefully
>swung him onto the bed and pinned his body down.

Kaye:  The referee is coming into the ring . . . and he's beginning
the count . . .
Nekita:  Boy, if all tag team wrestling was like this, I'd watch
the WWF regularly!

>"Don't touch me! I..." Squall attempted before his face was pressed
>into the pillow and he felt the silk leaving his skin.

Marisa:  Wow.  I would've expected leather, considering his fashions
tastes.
Kaye: [Zell]  Got a spider web on ya . . . there you go!

>Amorous hands wandered every inch of his flesh, then pulled away
>suddenly.

Nekita:  [Irvine]  Ewww!  What the hell is THAT?!

>He lifted his head to see what had happened.

Kaye:  They must've spontaneously combusted from arousal.

>Someone was knocking on the door and calling his name. "Squall?
>Squall, are you okay? Hello? The headmaster sent me because the
>student next to you said they couldn't sleep with all the noise.

Nekita: [Quistis]  If yer gonna screw, do it quietly, dammit!
Marisa:  [Student]  Keep it down, you kids!  I need mah damn beauty
sleep!

>Squall? I'm coming in!" Quistis's fingers were noisily working with
>the lock on the door.

Kaye:  Pfft.  I could've picked that lock in two seconds, flat.

>"Shit, this is gonna look bad, Irvine!" Sitting up from his crouch on
>the bed, Zell pulled the covers over Squall's delicate form.

Nekita:  [pouting]  Awww . . .
Marisa:  Shh, they're gonna surprise her.  One, two, three . . .

>"No it won't, just play along." Irvine winked and went to the door,
>straitening himself up before it opened and he blocked Quistis's view
>of the room.

Kaye:  An' he lied, an' he pushed her out, an', an' he got her a
glass o' milk, an' . . .
Marisa:  [Irvine]  Nope.  No raping of our superior officers here.
Nope.  Nope.

>"Yeah?" He asked her casually.
>One look at Irvine's state of undress and Quistis knew.

Nekita:  [Quistis]  Fergot to do yer laundry again, eh?
Kaye:  She knew what, the ultimate answer?
Marisa:  EVERYBODY knows THAT.

>"Where's Squall?"
>"He's laying down, didn't feel too well.

Kaye:  [standing]  Well he WOULDN'T, AFTER HIS DAD TRIED TO DO
THE DUTY WITH HIM!
Nekita:  Cheeell girl!  Just let it ride.

>Zell and I came over to see if he needed anything." He answered,
>leaning in the doorframe to block the bed especially.

Marisa:  Irvine was as tall as he was wide.  He was a real cowboy.

>Quistis craned her neck around to his other side, still trying to get
>a look. "I need to see him... Now."

Nekita: [Quistis]  And I mean ALL of him.  Nya ha ha!

>Squall could hear her voice and register it as help.

Kaye: Well, his central processing unit's all right, but the hard
drive's a little wonky.  The fanbelt's too noisy as well, but a few
whacks could fix that right as rain, provided you don't do it
during start up.
[pause]
Nekita:  Suddenly, I REALLY wanna get a computer.

>He tried to struggle up from the mattress, but Zell held him.
>"Quistis, he-"

Nekita:  No, Quistis she.  Zell he.  Mattress it.
Marisa:  Me doctor.

>Came out muffled from behind Zell's hand, but he had at least squirmed
>enough to sit up.

Kaye: [Minnewegian farmer]  He's a feisty lil' bugger, but he'll give
ya lotsa meat when he's all plumped up.

>The blonde tackled him again trying to indiscreetly push him back, but
>he lost his balance and they fell to the floor, landing in another
>provocative position.

Nekita:  The awkward positions in this fic would put Love Hina to
shame.  Not that I mind.
Marisa:  They're preparing for the "Clumsy Boys of SeeD" 2002
calender.

>Irvine glanced over his shoulder and looked back blushing. "Well,
>Squall's busy. Come back later."

Kaye:   [Irvine]  Wait your turn!

>Getting fed up beyond irritation, Quistis pushed past Irvine and
>stopped, gaping.

Marisa:  [Quistis]  When did this room get a shower?
Kaye:  [Quistis]  Or enough room to fit three people comfortably?

>Squall was on his back, half off the bed, naked except for a white
>sheet.

Nekita:  Damn censors.

>Not that she could see anything, Zell appeared to be covering that up
>as he was lying between the other's spread legs, one hand pinning his
>wrists, the other over his mouth.

Kaye: [Zell]  What, this?  Uh, just helping Squall with his sit-ups!
He has a bad habit of screaming when he's done too many.  Heh.
Nekita:  Down in front!

>Quistis heard the door close and lock again. "What are you doing?!"
>She screamed at Irvine and he shrugged.

Marisa:  [Irvine]  Closing the door.
Kaye:  [Quistis]  I can see that!
Nekita:  Typical yaoi fic -- the chick's always the spoilsport.

>"What does it look like we're doing?" Zell lifted his head off of
>Squall's chest to answer.

Nekita: [Zell]  We're sexually molesting our commander!  Geez, get
with the program.

>Concern written on her face, Quistis kneeled next to Squall and
>checked his face.

Kaye:  [Quistis]  Nuts.  I was hoping somebody else had "concern"
written on their face.  Stupid prankster cadets . . .

>His eyes were closed in anticipation and fear, and he flinched away
>when she lightly traced the bruise over his cheek. Quistis glared at
>Zell and Irvine. "You're both in deep shit."

Marisa:  Somehow, I can't work my mind around Quistis saying "shit."
Nekita:  It's part of her campaign to loosen up for the cadets.

>"But, we didn't do that," Irvine calmly explained, still leaning in
>the doorframe, "it was his father."

All:  Suuuure, that's what they ALL say!

>"Laguna? Did you see it?"

Kaye:  [Laguna]  Yep!  S'all on camera!

>Turning back to Squall, she tapped his shoulder to get his attention.
>When one of his eyes opened she smiled a little and pointed to his
>cheek.

Nekita:  [Quistis]  Anybody ever tell you you have a cute butt?
Kaye: Again, I reiterate . . .
Marisa:  She's so cheeky.

>"Did Laguna do this to you?"
>Zell moved his hand so Squall could speak uninhibited; but he wouldn't
>answer her. He turned his head and looked at the wall.

Kaye:  [Squall]  Oooooh!  A moth!
Marisa:  He's studying the wainscotting again.

>"Squall! I'm trying to help you, don't just ignore me."
>He turned his head back to face her again. "It doesn't matter who did
>it, can't you just help me now?"

Nekita:  o/~  Help!  I need somebody!  Help!  Not just anybody! o/~
Kaye:  *beep*  We're sorry, the SeeD agent you've requested is not
in service.  Please call again later.

>"Christ! Is that your programmed response to any crisis? Laguna
>fucking did it, stop sitting there in denial's little closet!" Irvine
>swore.

Marisa:  Yeah!  As long as everybody else is getting out of the
closet, he might as well too!
[rimshot]

>Quistis sighed and pressed something she had been carrying in her
>hand.

Marisa: *KABOOM!*
Nekita:   [Quistis]  If I'm not gonna get any in this fic, NOBODY is!

>For thirteen minutes they sat in silence, just waiting for something
>to happen.

Kaye:  They're just not very proactive, are they?
Marisa:  What're they waiting for, the Spanish Inquistion?

>Zell had tried to sneak his mouth to Squall's several times, but he
>had either been bitten or smacked.

Nekita:  Somebody's trying to sneak cookies from the cookie jar!
Kaye:  Bet you anything he's enjoying it.

>Irvine was slumped against the same wall he had been leaning against
>and looked as if he were about to nod off.

Marisa:  Quistis must've put him in "time out."
Nekita:  [Irvine]  I'm gonna catch forty winks.  Wake me when the fic's
over.

>Quistis had turned around so she could sit up with her back against
>the bed and it gave her a view to see when she had to thwack Zell off
>again.

Kaye:  [Quistis]  Don't make me get . . . the FLYSWATTER.
Nekita:  Kaye, girl, if you value your life and blood supply, you
will NEVER quote bad Lupin III movies in my presence again.
Kaye:  Lighten up.

>And Squall... well, Squall hadn't changed at all.

Marisa:  But then again, he'd barely changed at all during Final
Fantasy VIII either, so that was hardly a big shock.

>He was still staring at the wall with a blank look of unhappiness,
>which became even unhappier each time Zell tried something.

Kaye:  He became ESPECIALLY unhappy after Zell tried another stupid
magic trick.
Nekita:  [Zell]  Is it . . . the three of clubs?
Marisa:  [Squall]  No.
Nekita:  [Zell]  Five of hearts?
Marisa:  [Squall]  NO.
Nekita:  [Zell]  Jack of spades?
Marisa:  [Squall]  Shut up.
Nekita:  [Zell]  Ah, the hell with it, let's smooch.
Marisa:  [Squall]  I SAID shut up.

>At the end of the time period, ten SeeDs knocked on the door before
>kicking it down.

Kaye: [TV announcer]  *bzzz*  I'm sorry, your time is up.  I'm
afraid you've lost the three piece suite AND your youngest daughter.
Nekita:  [Random SeeD]  What, you guys were supposed to be shagging
about thirteen minutes ago!  This IS meant to be part lemon, you
know.

>The door landed on Irvine who got up cursing.

Marisa:  [Irvine]  A pox on thee, foul door!  A POX!

>They all looked to Squall, raised an eyebrow, then looked to Quistis
>as she stood and brushing herself off.

Kaye:  [Quistis]  Sic 'em.

>"It sure took you long enough, we could have been dead by now." She
>said rolling her eyes.

Nekita:  [Quistis]  There could've been a gas leak, or a fire, or a
sudden infestation of killer bees!  You never know.

>One of the men stepped forward, glancing at Squall again, and
>apologized. "Is that the President's son, sir?"

Marisa:  Actually, it's the President's daughter.  He's been cross-
dressing for years.
Nekita:  Wow.  That puts a whole new light on his relationship with
Rinoa.

>Squall visibly cringed. He pulled away from Zell, not even bothering
>to use the sheet for cover, and grabbed his discarded clothes, heading
>for the bathroom to change.

Kaye:  [Squall]  Check out my good stuff, people!
Marisa:  And then he walks into a wall, since there isn't supposed
to be a bathroom in his room.

>Unmistakably, everyone in the room could see all of his bruises: the
>large one covering the left half of his face with a ring mark in it,
>the set on his wrists, the set on his biceps, the one on his right
>thigh, and the last, making a sharp purple line across his lower back.

Kaye:  He put Pollack paintings to shame.
Nekita:  I'll bet at least half the SeeDs aren't paying attention to
the bruises, though.  I know I'M not.

>Quistis sighed and gave the orders to retain Zell and Irvine, and when
>Squall returned to escort him to Cid's office for a report.

Marisa:  [Quistis]  Make sure to include visuals.
Kaye:  I HATE reports.

>Squall was lying down on a couch in Cid's office. He had been doing so
>for four hours since he had refused to tell anyone who had inflicted
>all of his injuries.

Nekita:  So because he won't spill the raunchy details, they make him
sit on a davenport fer four hours?
Marisa:  He will sit there until three, with only a cup of coffee at
eleven.

>They had called his father, who was on his way back in from town.
>Squall wondered what would happen when he saw his father again after
>their little scene that morning.

Kaye:  Mayhaps a long, lengthy conversation about confronting his
father's problems, followed by a hearty hug and a cup of cocoa?
Nekita:  Either that or they'll just bonk again.

>They also tried to call Seifer, but he was already on his was back,
>latest SeeD mission complete.

Marisa:  There were a few more apple trees in the world now, thanks
to him.

> Squall sighed and rolled over on the narrow cushions. He hoped Seifer
>would never find out what happened.

Kaye:  He'd never hear the end of it.
Nekita:  [Seifer]  So the only pootang you can get is from yer old
man?  You really ARE a sad case, Puberty Boy.

>Zell and Irvine were in one of the MD levels being interrogated. They
>were probably just going to be on house arrest for awhile, not being
>able to leave their rooms without a SeeD escort.

Nekita:  Wow!  SeeD doubles as an escort service!  Sign me up for THAT!
Marisa:  "Interrogated," eh?  So THAT'S what they're calling it now.

>Squall could care less what they had done to him, but it really pissed
>him off that everyone else did.

Kaye:  [Squall]  Damn the rest of the world for caring about my dignity
and well-being!

>The door made a sound and Squall heard it open. Probably just Cid or
>Quistis coming in to check on him, Squall didn't bother to look.

Marisa:  The assassin had planned on this.  Silently, he made his move,
and with the tightening of a shoelace --
Kaye:  That's enough, Darkgirl.

>He could hear someone in front of him, supporting their weight on the
>back of the couch as they leaned in closer to his face.

Nekita:  [Person]  Now just wait, I'll tickle his nose, and BAM!  The
shaving cream'll go right in his face!  Ha!

>Obviously feigning sleep, Squall tried not to move, wondering what
>they would do.

Kaye:  Well, if this fic is true to form, they'll probably show some
sort of sexual or caressing advance before proceeding to the nookie . . .

>The back of a hand caressed his right cheek lightly, sweet words
>following it.

Kaye:   Am I good or what?
Marisa:  [Voice]  Chocolate.  Saccharine.  Butterscotch.  Gumdrops.

>Seifer's voice and hands, Squall could have told them apart from
>anyone's.

Marisa:  Both were like sandpaper grating against one's skin.

>When the fingers came near his lips, he used his tongue to pull a few
>in.

Nekita:  [Squall]  *crunch crunch*
Kaye:  [Seifer]  OW!  You bit off my damn fingers, you bastard!
Marisa:  Barefoot Gen, ladies and gentlemen!

>He could hear Seifer sigh with pleasure as he sucked gently at each
>digit.

Nekita:  Never has mathematics been so sensual.

>Another hand ran through his hair, combing out his bangs and moving
>them from his face.

Kaye:  [Seifer]  Now, I can kind of imagine a pageboy bob right
here, and maybe a little off the front bangs . . .

>The weight shifted to move beside him, spooning up against his back.

Marisa:  [Tick]  SPOON!
Nekita:  o/~  Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down . . . o/~
Kaye:  Don't make me go spoony on yer asses.

>Squall cringed as Seifer grabbed one of his bruises. Seifer noticed.
>"What's wrong?" He said, pulling off Squall's jacket to look at his
>arm.

Marisa:  [Seifer]  Wait, there's a tattoo here . . . who's this
"Rinoa?!"
Kaye: [pauses, then snaps fingers]  That's it, Rinoa's not here.
Nekita:  The writer would probably just have her shouting, "Squall,
save me!" anyway.

>He sucked in his breath sharply and inspected the long finger-shaped
>bruises.

Nekita:  [Seifer]  Wow, those are still there?  Sorry, would've
thought they'd've faded by now.  How's the hickie?

>Shit. So, he wouldn't be able to get around an explanation. "It's
>nothing, really." Squall hesitantly rolled over and looked pleadingly
>into Seifer's eyes, asking silently for him not to question.

Kaye:  [Squall]  Looks like it's time to employ the ol' Jedi mind
trick.

>Seifer's eyes widened when he saw Squall's face and other arm, but he
>honored Squall's dignity.

Marisa:  Though, as it'll probably turn out, not his chastity.
Nekita:  Woo!

>"Where else?" He smiled sadly and pulled off Squall's gloves, guessing
>the next place.

Nekita:  Well it's obviously gonna be his aa--
[The others look at her.]
Nekita: --dams apple.  You guys are a bunch of squares.
Kaye:  We weren't stopping you . . .

>Tossing his jacket and gloves to the side, he began stripping off
>articles of clothing, each revealing one or several bruises.

[All begin humming "The Stripper."]

>Squall sighed and hugged Seifer, now only in his boxers.

Marisa:  Those boxers are certainly getting a lot of air time.
Kaye:  They get paid for every time they're mentioned.

>Slowly enough not for Seifer to notice, he started unbuckling Seifer's
>belt and pants.

Nekita:  So do Seifer's boxers, apparently.
Kaye:  [Squall]  My turn!  I wanna see your bruises now!

>"Wouldn't Cid have a heart attack if he came in and you were doing
>that?" Seifer laughed, reaching down to help him.
>"Damn, found out. Here I was trying to be smooth and jump you,
>but..."

[All blink.]
Marisa:  Squall . . . has a sense of humor?
Nekita:  I'm scared . . .

>Squall was cut off as Seifer kissed him gently, but deeply. He lay
>back, bringing Seifer down over his body, and wrapped his legs around
>his muscular waist.

Nekita:  YEAH!  All right!  Here we go!
Kaye:  Yay.  You go guys.  Pump it.  Woo.
Nekita:  You could at least PRETEND to be enthusiastic . . .

>Squall pressed his erection against Seifer's, moaning for the way it
>felt to be touched just by this one person.

Marisa:  What, does his hand have an electric shock or something?
Kaye:  [Seifer]  Pika . . . CHUUUU!

>Seifer shifted and removed his jacket and shirt, while Squall used his
>feet to push his pants down to his knees.

Nekita:  Squall worked part-time in a rhythmic gymnastics gym before
joining SeeD . . .

>He reached down and pulled off Squall's boxers, adding them to the
>pile of clothes on the floor.

Kaye:  Then the maid walks in and scoops them up for laundry.
Nekita:  [Maid]  Oh, don't mind me, boys . . . AAAGGH!

>Seifer's eyes traveled slowly up Squall's body, stopping at each wound
>for a moment, and ended with the confusingly blissful smile on the
>abused face. "Squall, are you sure you want to do this here? Now?"
>Squall broke into a brief fit of laughter. "Hell yes!"

[All shake]
Marisa: There's that sense of humor again!  It just ain't right.

>"Good, so do I." Seifer brought Squall into another long kiss,
>breaking it only to wet his fingers, then going back down.

Kaye:  He's fingerpainting on Squall's chest.

>Slowly, he put one of the fingers between Squall's legs and pushed it
>inside.

Marisa:  Pushed WHAT inside WHAT?
Nekita:  Probably the stick up further in his butt.
Kaye:  Stick yer finger up yer hole, out pops a Tootsie Roll!
Nekita:  That's juvenile and sick! You make me proud.

>Squall pushed back against the finger, bringing it in further, wincing
>a little as Seifer's hand brushed the bruise on his thigh. Another
>entered him and soon a third, all moving to find his A spot.

All:  "A" spot?
Kaye:  Followed by his "B" spot and "C" spot.  He's got spots right
up through the alphabet.
Marisa:  Oxy pads would be good for that.

>Seifer spread his fingers and massaged Squall's tight channel until he
>arched up, moaning loudly into his mouth.

Nekita:  Which promptly reverberated through the rest of his empty
head.
Marisa:  A bit harsh?
Nekita:  Hey, who needs brains when you've got a good screw going on?

>He removed his fingers and broke the kiss.

Kaye:  Hersheys was making them increasingly more brittle.

>Growling impatiently, Squall wrapped his legs tighter around Seifer.
>"You're such a fucking tease! Are you just waiting for someone to walk
>in on us?"

Nekita:  [Seifer]  Wasn't that the plan?  I mean, YOU started it.
Kaye:  [Squall]  That's not the point.

>Seifer laughed and pressed the head of his cock in gently, silencing
>Squall.

Marisa:  That's the weirdest way to cast Silence I've ever seen.
Kaye:  Maybe he's drawing magic through his asshole.

>"God, you bitch a lot, then when I say anything about it, people give
>me the weirdest look. Don't tell me I'm the only who hears it."

Marisa:  [Seifer]  The voices in my head are talking to me again . . .

>He rested head into the crook of Squall's neck, lifting his hips in
>his hands and pushing in the rest of the way slowly.

Nekita:  It's kinda like a push pop -- slow to come up, but very tasty.
Kaye:  You know, I was just about to consider buying a push pop. Thanks
SO much for putting me off.
Marisa:  Have a hoagie instead.
Kaye:  Thanks.  *munch*

>Squall had to bite his lip to keep from crying out, he felt so
>wonderful. His body moved before his brain did, and he was thrusting
>up to meet each of Seifer's.

All: . . .
Kaye:  Now let me get this straight:  Seifer's got his dick in
Squall, right?
Marisa:  Yeah.
Kaye:  So what's Squall thrusting into?
[pause]
Nekita: . . . his hand?
Kaye:  *sigh*  Logical anatomy is clearly not needed in this fanfic.

>"You should hope...you're the only... one who hears me say that." He
>bit his lip again to stifle another cry of pleasure as Seifer hit his
>spot again.

Kaye:  Say WHAT?!  WHAT is he SAYING?!
Marisa:  "Rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Kaye:  [rubbing forehead]  This is driving me nuts!

>"So..." Seifer started casually, deafened for a moment by Squall's
>moans in his ear, "are you going to let me in on your secret yet?"
>"Secret?" Squall said between thrusts.

Nekita:  [Seifer] Where is the Marquis du Sade?
Kaye:  [Seifer]  Are you REALLY Spider-Man?
Marisa:  [Seifer]  What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen
swallow?

>"These bruises..." he squeezed the one on Squall's thigh lightly to
>get a reaction.

Marisa:  And sure enough, his leg kicked out.

>"Why, Seifer Almasy, what are you doing to my son?" A mystery hand ran
>up Seifer's bare buttocks and back.

Kaye:  Wow.  Caught by the parents.  That sucks ass.
Nekita:  [Laguna]  I'm VERY disappointed in you, Squall.  Go to bed
without supper!

>Both boys froze and looked at each other before looking up at their
>interruption.

Marisa:  Laguna IS the Amazing Colossal Man.

>Squall curled into Seifer's body. Seifer reached for his coat so he
>could give them at least a little dignity.

Kaye:  Seifer's body comfortably fits a three-piece suite and an
entertaimnent system.

>Laguna knelt down level to them and caught his hand before it found
>the material. "I asked you a question, and I want an answer." His tone
>was so serious, so unlike Laguna, who might have laughed at the
>situation.

Marisa:  And then said something stupid, followed by a massive leg
cramp.  You know, the Laguna we actually LIKE.
Nekita:  So it's Laguna, but it's NOT Laguna.
Kaye:  Will the real Laguna Loire please stand up?

> "Or how about an easier question? Are you enjoying fucking him?"
>Seifer's temper flared and he glared at Laguna, pulling his wrist
>away. "Are you enjoying humiliating us?"

Kaye:  Don't answer a question with a question, Seifer.
Marisa:  How 'bout a burger?

>He pulled Squall protectively against him as he sat up. For the first
>time he noticed the four Esthar soldiers standing around them holding
>weapons ready.

Nekita:  Laguna's started his own peep show, it seems.
Marisa:  Wrong weapons, Nekita.

>Raising an angry eyebrow, his other eye twitching, Laguna stood and
>smirked. "Well if we're both having so much fun, then why did you
>stop?"

Kaye:  [Seifer]  We take a tea break every three minutes.  Biscuit?

>"What?! I'm not going to fuck Squall in front of his father! I have
>just a little more respect for him than that."

Marisa:  [Seifer]  And by him, I mean you, of whom I have no respect,
except that you're his dad, so I DO have respect, and . . . oooh.
Kaye:  Just great, Marisa, you've made my headache worse.

>Laguna held his stomach while he laughed, having to sit down on one of
>the tables mounted into the wall across from them.

Nekita:  His cheeks were all rosy, his dimples quite merry, and he
shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly . . .

>"Then I guess he didn't tell you how he got that little scratch on his
>face, huh?"
>Seifer looked to Squall's cheek, then to Laguna's right hand.

Kaye:  [Seifer]  . . . Doorframe?

>"...Bastard! What did you do to him?"
>"Nothing," Squall interrupted, "He just hit me. It wasn't that bad,
>okay? Stop talking about me like I'm not sitting here on your God
>damned cock, Seifer!"

[All laugh]
Marisa:  That poor rooster . . .
Kaye:  And here within lies another one of those lines of which you'd
have to be absolutely jaded not to crack up over.

>"Come on, Squall, tell him. If it wasn't that bad then you'll tell us
>all about our shower." Laguna gloated.

Kaye:  [Laguna]  We . . . used . . . shower gel!  Hee hee!
Nekita:  [Squall]  Geez, Laguna, you can pick it up for eight bucks
at Bath and Body Works -- don't get so ecstatic.

>Sighing in frustration, Squall turned to Laguna. "Dad, can you just
>piss off for a second and shut up?"
>"How can you even call me 'Dad' now?"

Marisa:  When did he EVER call him Dad?  For that matter, WOULD he
call him Dad?
Nekita:  Marisa, chill.  Characterization not in building, 'kay?
Marisa:  Right, right . . .
Kaye:  [Squall]  Well see, you just kinda form the word with your mouth
like this, see?  [mimes the motion]

>"How can you talk so much with a hurt tongue?"
>"Umm, Squall?" Seifer said into his ear, wishing he would realize he
>was riding his lap pretty roughly, taking away his breath with the
>force of his legs.

Kaye:  You know what they say -- don't squat with your spurs on.
Nekita:  He's gonna hafta put another quarter in any second now.

>Squall looked down and blushed, releasing his vice-like grip and
>resettling himself. "Sorry."

Marisa:  There's something to be said about a couple of guys who
can hold an erection even when seriously unaroused.
Kaye:  Isn't that the sign of a really painful masculine condition?

>"Don't stop." Laguna commanded seriously, tilting his head to the
>side.
>"What?" Squall and Seifer asked at the same time.
>"Don't stop." He said again and smiled. "Fuck him hard, Seifer."

Kaye:  Oh boy.  This is something even a family councilor can't fix.

>"Have you lost your mind? We just went through this!" Seifer shrieked.
>Laguna pulled a handgun from behind him pointed it at Seifer's head.
>"Do it, now."

Nekita:  Heero Yuy gave Laguna a lot of pointers about hiding weapons.

>Seifer started to protest again, but Squall squeezed his hand and
>whispered, "It's okay." Sighing heavily, he pushed Squall back down to
>the couch and pulled out, preparing to re-enter him and start over.

Marisa:  [NASA Controller]  *kkch*  Pilot, you are cleared for
re-entry.  Roger.

>"Hard. Make him bleed." Laguna reminded and cocked back the hammer.
>Squall spread his legs wider, more inviting, placing them up by his
>shoulders.

Nekita:  Daaamn he be agile.  Are you sure he's gay?
Kaye:  The better question would be "Is he available?"
Nekita:  Oh.  Good point.

>He closed his eyes in calm anticipation and gave his hand another
>squeeze.

Kaye:  That ain't the ONLY thing he squeezed . . .
Nekita:  Yeah!  You're really loosening up, Kaye!

>Leaning forward and squaring his knees beneath his lover, Seifer took
>in a deep breath and jammed his whole manhood in.

Marisa:  Lemme guess: all twelve inches, right?
Kaye:  No, this is a woman writing this, remember?
Nekita:  So?

>The flesh ripped so violently, it was almost as loud as Squall's cry.

Marisa:  Somebody needs to fire the audio guys.

>He waited for the initial rush to subside and his eyes to clear of the
>blackness coating them.

Kaye:  Might help if you took off your sunglasses, Squall.

>Squall was squeezing his hand so tightly, just trying to breathe
>without screaming again. But he knew he would.

Nekita:  Breathe?
Kaye:  No, squeeze his hand again.  Isn't it obvious?

>Laguna smiled sadistically. "Keep going. This is about pain,
>remember?"
>Seifer opened his blurry eyes and smiled.

Nekita:  All right, who let DNA^2 into the equation?
Marisa:  Get the fansub removers!

>At least he could look at Squall, but he should be the one holding his
>breath in pain.

Kaye:  So he'd rather be the "M" rather than the "S" huh?
Marisa:  He's just wondering why his dick isn't sore by now.

>He let it out, and pulled out from Squall completely, which let him at
>least pant it off. This was so wrong, it shouldn't be happening. There
>was already so much blood...

Nekita:  This fic's making me hungry.
Marisa:  Joy.

>Aggravated beyond tolerance, Squall's father marched up to Seifer and
>backhanded him with the gun, leaving a long abrasion on his cheek.

Kaye:  Yay!  Now Squall and Seifer's got twinsies!

>"What the Hell is wrong with you? I said to fuck him! If I have to get
>up again it will be to do it myself over your corpse. Be glad you're
>getting the choice, insolent fool."

Marisa:  Whoa.  SOMEBODY'S getting a power complex.
Nekita:  This isn't gonna do wonders for his re-election campaign.
Kaye:  [Laguna]  A vote for me is a vote for autocracy -- er, I mean
democracy!

>Squall lifted his head less than an inch and tried to look at Laguna.
>"I... We killed her though...Seifer?

Kaye:  Oh, so THAT'S what happened to Rinoa.
Marisa:  It was a ripping story of love, betrayal and revenge, of which
was probably more palatable than this.

>Please, it's all right. Don't..." he had to pause and let his head
>fall back, "Don't get killed because of me."

Nekita:  [Squall]  Just get maimed.

>Rubbing Squall's thigh absently, Seifer took another breath and
>exhaled shakily. "I love you, Squall."
>"I love you too, Seifer."

Kaye:  Ever notice that love can't exist in a story anymore without
sex?
Marisa:  I blame the Sixties.

>Seifer leaned over Squall's body, holding his hips again, and thrusted
>in viscously and kept thrusting.

Nekita:  "VISCOUSLY?!"  [cracks up]
Kaye:  Now THAT'S a Freudian slip.

>He tried to ignore Squall whimpering and crying his name as he
>continued, but soon his face was just as wet.

Marisa:  Squall's got good aim.
Kaye:  Ewww . . .

>He pulled almost completely out and tore back in, wordlessly
>apologizing for nearly killing his beloved, and did it again. And
>again, and again, until it could have done permanent damage he slowed
>and kept to a merely animalistic pace.

Nekita:  As opposed to what?
Marisa:  Piston engine pace.
Kaye:  Just watch the sparks fly!

>Despite the lower half of his body beginning to feel numb from pain,
>Squall was happy.

Marisa:  This is bringing out a whole new dimension in Squall I'm not
sure I wanted to see.

>At least it was Seifer killing him.

Kaye:  [Squall]  HA!  You slay me, boyfriend!

>He wondered if he really would die from this and almost hoped so. Then
>Laguna would shoot Seifer, and they would die together. Squall forced
>his protesting body to react to Seifer's dick.

Nekita:  What is it about dirty words that takes all the drama out
of a scenario?
Kaye:  The clash of the romantic with the crude?
Nekita:  Or maybe it's just 'cause it's damn goofy.

>He pushed back against it as hard as it came. The pain was making him
>black out, but he wanted to feel Seifer's release first and quickened
>the pace.

Marisa:  *chuga chuga chuga chuga WOO WOO!*
Kaye:  And we're in the final stretch of the Yaoi free sprint, with
Squall and Seifer in the lead, followed closely by Mulder and Krycek,
Cloud and Sephiroth, and OOOOOH!  Heero and Duo are WAY in the back!

>"Squall!" Seifer cried as he came deep into his bloody passage.

Kaye:  No need to swear.
Marisa:  I hope he's got a flashlight.

>"Seifer..." Squall's voice cracked and he showed a broken smile before
>falling into an unconscious rest.

Nekita:  Or restful unconsciousness, whatever suits yer fancy.

>The tall blonde looked down at his hand in amazement. A warm, clear
>fluid covered his fingers and palm.

Kaye:  It's called "water."
Marisa:  Actually, I think it's probably warm unflavored gelatin.
Nekita:  I'd say Marisa's closer.

>It lightly mixed with the blood that was everywhere, turning it pink.
>Seifer brought it to his mouth and swallowed every drop his tongue
>would reveal.

All:  EWWWWW!
Kaye:  Seifer, darling, you've done your part, you don't need to do
anything else!

>"That was pathetic, Almasy, you barely lasted an hour." Laguna yawned
>and raised his gun again.

Marisa:  [Laguna]  I bet I could hit that tree over there . . . four
out of five times.  On a good week.

>He suddenly acted surprised. "What happened? Seifer, how could you?
>Someone call a doctor!" Rushing forward, he gathered up his son in his
>arms and tried to wake him, gently slapping his unharmed cheek.

Nekita:  [Laguna]  Fresh!
Kaye:  And so, halfway into the fic, we start seeing the NORMAL Laguna.
Very nice.
Marisa:  It's a Tale of Two Lagunas -- and the Tails of Squall and
Seifer.
[rimshot]

>Laguna looked up confused and acting more like himself than he had the
>entire day. "Seifer... Please tell me I'm seeing this wrong! Tell me
>I'm just making the wrong assumption!"

Kaye:  Possession fic?
All:  Possession fic.
Kaye:  Guess the entity time!
Marisa:  I'm betting on Ultimecia.
Nekita:  Adel.
Kaye:  The author.

>Cid walked into the room, just as the drama began.

Marisa:  It's a fanfic that starts at the beginning and ends at
the beginning.
Kaye:  [Zell]  Know what they call a hot dog in France?  Le hot
dog.

>All he had to do was look around and it was enough to raise an
>eyebrow... or several.

Nekita:  AAAH!  It's the attack of the multi-eyebrowed Cid!
Kaye:  He's using a psychic connection to all Cids past and future
so he can raise enough eyebrows to show his shock.

>Seifer had his head in his hands and his pants low around his hips;
>blood splatter painting the unclothed sections.

Marisa:  And they missed a spot too.
Nekita:  They're just waiting for the second coat.
Kaye:  Um, right, you guys are getting just a WEE bit dark.

>He appeared to be crying, but who could ever tell what that
>uncontrollable shaking was directed from or at?

Nekita:  [Seifer]  You blew it up!  Damn you!  Damn you all to hell!
Kaye:  Well, that would explain it.  He's practicing his Charleston
Heston impersonation.

>The object drawing most attentions was Squall, bleeding and naked,
>cradled by his sobbing hysterical father. The look vaguely worn into
>his maimed face was of unmarred happiness.

Marisa:  Cid was so freaked at the sight of Squall smiling, he ran
screaming from the room.

>There was little one in Cid's position could do. Laguna requested that
>he take his son back to Esthar as soon as possible, and oddly enough,
>to bring Seifer with them as well.

Kaye:  He was collecting the complete set of Final Fantasy VIII
characters, but they'd retired them before he got Squall and Seifer.
So he decided to get the real things instead.

>It seemed fair that he should decide, the victim being incapable at
>the moment.

Nekita:  Squall had, in a fit of delusion spurred by one too many
chili cheese dogs, signed right of attorney over to Laguna.
Marisa:  Well sure, Laguna hadn't even seen Squall till he was nearly
eighteen years old, and sure Squall's dour personality made
reconciliation nearly impossible, and indeed he'd just made his lover
horribly rip up his insides, but he still cares about his son.

>Seifer was lead cuffed to the same dark limo as his lover was carried
>into after a brief cleanup of both distraught figures.

Kaye:  Couldn't they have used titanium cuffs instead?
Nekita:  He's in for one hell of a ride!  Wheee!

>His mouth couldn't even form words yet, he just let them dress him and
>lead him away with no fight.

Marisa:  Of course, Laguna hadn't been good with words to begin with.

>Pained and heavy eyelids cracked open just in time to see one stray
>blonde lock follow as rest of its owner was flung carelessly through a
>door next to the one Squall was being carried into.

Kaye:  Wow!  It's Jay!  Guess they finally busted him for possession.
Nekita:  Where's Silent Bob, then?

>"Seifer..." The words barely left his lips, but his father carrying
>him heard and bent down his head to whisper soothingly to him.

Marisa:  Um, doesn't Seifer have a buzz cut?
Kaye:  He decided to grow it long for Squall.
Nekita:  Either that or his hair's falling out.  Poor kid, losing his
hair at that age . . .

>"It's okay, he can't hurt you anym-m-more..." The words tripped over
>Laguna's quivering lips as he tried to hold in the emotions he knew
>were yet to be justified by the witnesses.

Marisa:  [Laguna]  Ow!  Cramp!  Cramp!

>"Squall! Wait! I..." Seifer began only to be cut off when one of the
>escorting soldiers planted his foot into his lower back and kicked him
>the rest of the way inside the unknown room, following and shutting
>the door.

Kaye:  Boot to the back.
Others:  Nah, nah.

>With a slow speed that was agonizingly humiliating to Squall's pride,
>yet impossible for any other human being in that situation, he lifted
>his head and mumbled to his father. "When can I see him again?"

Nekita:  [Laguna]  Howzabout when Lucifer starts investing in a ski
lodge?

>This nearly brought tears to Laguna's eyes as he carried his child in
>and set him gently on his bed.

Marisa:  Geezus, Squall's been losing weight like nobody's business.
Kaye:  [Laguna]  Lemme just carry you over the threshold, honey.

>"When you're feeling a little better, okay? Why, do you want to tell
>him something?"
>"Yeah," Squall nodded slowly while he thought about it.

Nekita:  [Squall]  He still owes me fifty bucks.

>"Next time you see him, tell him I'm sorry and that I love him."

Kaye:  See, you can tell he loves him, because they screw each other.
Marisa:  And as we all know, sex is a true sign of deep, caring love.
[All snicker]

>Laguna stiffened and closed his eyes as if he were listening very
>closely to something. "Well, I'll make sure his corpse hears it."

Nekita:  Corpses are very good listeners.  They're perfect when you're
feeling down.  Really.

>He laughed like his throat was shared by two voices.

Marisa:  It's that whale from that old Disney cartoon!  Cool!

>"Tell me something, should I go pay him back for doing that to you?
>Take revenge on his young body like a good daddy?"

Kaye:  So remember, fathers out there, when your son or daughter is
raped, receive retribution by raping their rapists back!  Thank you!

>"Oh..." Squall trailed off, realizing he was speaking to a different
>person now.

Marisa:  Possibly Janet Reno.

>"You again. Didn't we kill you? ...Several times?" Squall laughed like
>he's just been told he was going to die.

Nekita:  Laguna IS Kenny in South Park.

>"Yes, well, technicalities and all..." Laguna faded off, sitting on
>the edge of the bed by Squall and leaning over to his prone figure
>sprawled aimlessly across it.

Kaye:  [Laguna]  Am I bugging you?  I'm not touching you.

>"So..." He began casually, letting his hand wander up his son's
>delicate body, "You must be awfully tired after everything. Why don't
>you lie down and get some rest? I'll go deal with your little
>boyfriend."

Nekita:  [Squall]  Actually, he's quite large where it --
Kaye:  Uh, no.

>The weight on the bed shifted and Squall caught his wrist and pulled
>him back, knowing there wasn't much he could say to make him stay away
>from Seifer. "I..."

Marisa:  [Squall]  . . . I need to go to the bathroom!  Hurk!

>"Yes...?" He looked over his blue-clad shoulder with a smirk and asked
>as if he didn't know the obvious question.

Nekita:  [Squall]  How many licks does it take to get to the center of
a Tootsie Roll pop?
Kaye:  [Squall]  What is the square root of 4,435,789 times itself?
Marisa:  [Squall]  Why are we even bothering to do this fanfic when we
could be out eating ice cream and making fun of Final Fantasy X
characters?

>"S-stay?" Squall fumbled lamely, pretending he was actually speaking
>to father when he was little.

Kaye:  o/~ Staaay! o/~
Marisa:  SLEEEP!

>"It's just... I get nightmares sometimes, and...wake up crying and
>screaming... and I know I'll wake up like that in a few hours so could
>you just wake me up or something when it starts getting bad?"

Marisa:  Funny, this is exactly what I plan to do tomorrow morning
after I finish this fanfic.  I wonder if this is a coincidence.
Nekita:  Hey, look on the bright side . . .
[pause]
Kaye:  Yeah?
Nekita:  . . . uh . . . guys having sex?
[Kaye groans.]
Marisa:  [sarcastically]  Yeah.  I'll remember that.  Thanks.

>Startled for a moment, but not stalled, Laguna had him pinned on his
>back shoving his tongue down his throat.

Kaye:  That be one HELL of a strong tongue.
Nekita:  He lifts weights with it every night.

>There went Squall's innocent delusion. Nothing mattered though, as
>long as he could keep Seifer safe for awhile.

Marisa:  You know it's true love when you'll sleep with your own dad
for your lover.
Kaye:  I think I'm gonna need to take a hot shower after this fic
is over.

>His body didn't resist, but his mind screamed at him. Would Seifer be
>able to hear him being tortured? Again, it didn't matter, as long as
>it was for his love.

Nekita:  Close yer eyes, open yer legs, and think of Balamb.
Kaye:  If the term "pleasurable torture" shows up, I'm SO stopping
the tape.

>A hand slid up the inside of Squall's shirt and his brain waves
>blipped like the catches in his throat.

Marisa:  Wow, he's having a stroke.  Well, that's one way to end
things.

>Laguna whispered softly in his ear as his hand moved lower at a
>threatening temper. "I know what you're thinking, boy, and it'll do
>you no good. Just lie here and let me put you to sleep."

Marisa:  With that, Laguna injected the cyanide in him, thereby
killing him swiftly.  The end.
Nekita:  You guys are really no fun, you know that?

>Tears ran quietly down his cheeks, while his mouth filled with bile.
>It was disgusting, his father doing this, merely for the mindfuck, if
>nothing else.

Kaye:  *sigh*  Just because you CAN use the term "fuck" doesn't mean
you have to do it gratuitously!

>Cool air refreshingly washed over his skin as his shirt was removed
>and Laguna started on the belts that had only been hastily reapplied.

Marisa:  The air conditioner's on full blast.  THAT'S gotta be a
romance killer.
Nekita:  Nah, they're probably making their own heat.

>"No...I-I can't do this! Let go!" Squall planted his knee hard into
>Laguna's thigh and rolled him off, getting up and running for the
>door.

All:  DAMN!  FINALLY!
Kaye:  And nearly two-thirds into the fic, Squall FINALLY does
something!

>The assault from earlier was impeding his speed tremendously as Squall
>ran down the hall past bewildered guards.

Marisa:  Yeah, I imagine your pants around your ankles would kinda
hinder movement.
Kaye:  It'd be funny, though.
Nekita:  Did they even get that far?
Kaye:  No, but don't question us, you're ruining the joke.

>The footsteps coming up behind him warned Squall of the end in his
>escape, for a body lunged and tackled him from behind.

Marisa:  [Laguna]  You asked for it!  It's wedgie time!  Yoink!

>Falling at the feet of two shocked sentries Laguna flipped him over
>and continued removing his clothing.

Kaye:  [Sentry]  This is SO not in my job description.
Nekita:  [Sentry]  Wow!  This is DEFINITELY going in my tell-all
book!
Marisa:  [Sentry]  Uh, sir?  When you're finished, can I have the
leather pants?

>"There's no point in even trying these stupid stunts, you'll always
>come back... I have the very thing you want most."

Marisa:  [Laguna]  The new They Might Be Giants album!
Kaye:  [Squall]  Whoa!  Gimme!

>Squall sobbed and tried grabbing at one of the soldier's boots,
>pleading with him for help even as he was stripped entirely naked.

Kaye:  GOD, Squall's a wuss in this fic.  Kick him, you damn idiot!
Marisa:  Forget it.  Squall's only purpose in this fic is to satisfy
Squall angsters.  He's not really supposed to do anything.

>He shook his head in response and looked strait forward again,
>pretending the boy at his feet didn't even exist.

Marisa:  Don't ask, don't tell.
Nekita:  [Sentry]  Sorry kid, I don't control the president's
libido.

>Sure he felt sorry for the pitiful thing, but there was nothing he
>could do about it, this was...

Kaye:  o/~ . . . the song that never ends, it just goes on and on
my friends . . . o/~

>Wait, maybe the kid did have a chance.
>A door down the hall opened and tall dark-skinned figure in a white
>robe emerged from it to investigate the unusual sounds.

Marisa:  It's the Artist Formally Known as Prince!  Huzzah!

>Kiros came as close as he dared before assuming the obvious. "L-
>Laguna? What are you doing?! Stop!"

All:  o/~ Stop!  In the naaaame of lust . . . o/~

>Barely phased by his discovery, Laguna slowly propped his head up
>under the heal of one hand, economically using the other to keep his
>son still pinned. "What does it look like I'm doing?" He laughed
>indulgently; ignoring the look Kiros was giving him.

Marisa:  [Kiros]  Playing Scrabble?
Kaye:  [Laguna]  No!  That's not i -- uh, yeah, exactly.
Nekita:  Man, people just have a real hard time figuring things out
in this fic!

>"B-but that's...!" His advisor stammered.
>"Well, duh! But just LOOK at him, Kiros!" Laguna turned and pulled
>Squall's face up for examination. "Wouldn't you?"

Kaye:  [Kiros]  Well, now that you mention it -- wait, what am I
saying?

>Whimpering a small plea, the subject of inspection put on his best
>pitiful look, one that Selphie had shown him many times in the past.

Kaye:  Yaaay Selphie!
Marisa:  What, you like that ditz?
Kaye:  Aw come on!  She's just so sunny!
Nekita:  Geez, girl, that's sad.
Kaye:  Hey, I don't see any of the other characters appearing in
another game, do you?
Marisa:  It's a Disney game.  It doesn't count.
Kaye:  *sigh*  You guys are such sour pusses.

>"Help... please... I-I don't want this..."

Marisa:  This had better not segue into a Backstreet Boys or a Meatloaf
song, I swear.

>"Laguna!" Kiros scolded fiercely, "That is your only son which you
>neglected for your entire life until now when you decide to kidnap and
>RAPE him! Let. The. Boy. Go. Now!"

Kaye:  [Laguna]  If. You. Insist. But. First. Stop. Talking. Like
William. Shatner!
Nekita:  I think I went to a field of rape once.  It was pretty
boring.

>Laguna checked Squall's face and body once more before coming to a
>decision.

Nekita:  We believe it involved sausages.
Marisa:  This whole FIC'S been about sausages.
[rimshot]
Marisa:  Dammit, where's that coming from anyway?
Kaye:  SFX guys.

>"No... no, I don't think so. But if you're that desperate to have some
>then we can make a deal."

Nekita:  [Laguna]  I do it with you half the time and with him the
other half.  Howzat?

>He stood slowly, propping a boot on Squall's lower back to keep him
>still until he had zipped himself up, reprimanded the guards there for
>letting him get that far, and then pulled his son up by his arm. "You
>any good at cards, kid?"

Marisa:  Wow.  They're gonna play strip poker.
Kaye:  [Squall]  I used ta play Go Fish a lot . . . that count?

>Kiros marched behind his employer with barely restrained violent
>anger. "La-gu-na!

All:  Matata!

>This is the worst idea you've ver had! What the Hell has come over
>you? In fact, just who are you?"

Kaye:  [Laguna]  One at a time!  One at a time!
Marisa:  [Laguna]  I am Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare
to die.
Nekita:  Clicheeee . . .

>"Shhh... You wouldn't want to wake Sleeping Bitch would you?" Laguna
>flashed a demonic and uncharacteristic smile back at his assistant
>while he set Squall's unconscious body into a high-backed chair.

Kaye:  Sleeping Bitch!  Who touched a sharpened Milk Bone and fell
into a sleeping curse!
Marisa:  Who was raised by three magical poodles who kept changing
the color of her fur!
Nekita:  Who was wakened by a prince when he slobbered all over her
face!

>He turned and gestured to the door where Seifer was being brought in
>by two armed guards, looking for all the world like a drowned cat.

Marisa:  Well, that makes sense -- one's a dog, the other's a cat.
Nekita:  [Laguna]  Now we have them chase each other around the room
and take bets on who ends up mauling the other first.

>"Ah, and here we have contestant number two. Do please have a seat,
>dear child."

Kaye:  [Seifer]  Okay.
Marisa:  [Laguna]  D'oh!  I meant sit down!  Put that back!

>Less than willingly, Seifer took the chair next to Squall's and looked
>around the rest of the room. It was too dark to see anything beyond
>the tight circle of four chairs,

Nekita:  . . . since extra light would reveal the cheapness of the set
and thus ruin the mood . . .

>but in the center was small table with a pack of cards in the center,
>the like of which he'd never seen.

Kaye:  [Seifer] What are those strange figures on the cards with the
big round things on their chests?
Marisa:  [Laguna]  They're called "women," Seifer.

>The small space lit from above by one shaded lamp hanging low above
>his head.

Nekita:  It "lit?"
Kaye:  Ske-daddled.  Vamoosed.  Amscrayed.  You know.

>"Kiros, won't you join us?" The president cast an open hand to the
>place next to Seifer, then plopped into the other across from him.

Marisa:  [Laguna]  Bring some booze, some club sandwiches, maybe a
bag of pork rinds . . . it'll be great!

>Sliding a hand up Squall's nude thigh, he pinched the skin harshly,
>receiving the reaction he wanted.

Kaye:  [Squall]  BURMA!
Marisa:  [Laguna]  . . . Why'd you say Burma?
Kaye:  [Squall]  I panicked.

>Squall's first reaction was to curse, quite loudly too, the next to
>immediately pull away into a fetal position and stay there until
>someone said something.

Nekita:  Was that something along the lines of "Get out of that
fetal position, you wuss, before I make you get out of it?"
Marisa:  Nothing that specific.

>Kiros was the first. "I'll have no part in this." And he turned and
>left, the door slamming in his wake.

Kaye:  And during his funeral, too.

[The fic suddenly stops running.]

Marisa:  Huh?  That's it?

Nekita:  Well it DID say "unfinished."  Guess the author still has some
more work to do.

Kaye:  You're not gonna make us read it again when it's finished, are
you?

Nekita:  No!  That would require too much waiting.

Kaye:  Ugh . . .

Marisa:  Well, as long as we're finished, how about theorizing
on the end of the fic?

Nekita:  Okay . . .

Kaye:  Well, let's see . . . well, the card game turns out to be Poker,
of which they play several hands of.  Seifer eventually breaks the
bank, decides that he really doesn't need a wuss like Squall, and runs
off with Kiros to Vegas for a life of fast sex and big bucks.
Meanwhile, Laguna keeps Squall around as a play thing, but soon decides
he has the personality of a turnip and ditches him for Irvine.  Squall,
having thusly been dumped, goes and gets a job at a fast food
restaurant, which while not being the best job in the world at least
means he doesn't have to sit down much anymore.

Marisa:  Hmm . . . I say that they start the card game, but halfway
into it a large spaceship crashes down into the room, killing Laguna.
It turns out to be Pupu the alien, who abducts Squall and begins
to perform an anal probe.  It's such a horrible sight, however, that
the little alien is scared and submits a message back to his home
planet stating that the human race is a threat.  They blow up Earth and
settle on Arrakis, where they live happily until a sand worm comes and
eats them up.

Nekita:  I say that they start playing the card game, but the air
conditioning turns off.  They all start getting hot and bothered,
at which point Seifer and Laguna take off their clothes and --

Kaye:  The NON X-RATED VERSION, thanks.

Nekita:  Aw, man!  All right, all right, how about this -- they all
get bored and take off for ice cream?

[Pause]

Kaye:  Works for me.

Marisa:  Sounds right.

Nekita:  Okay then!  We're agreed.

Kaye:  I wonder what else is on?

[She flips the channel.]

Marisa:  Hmm . . . seems to be some sort of panel . . .

[Focus in on the TV.  A long table with microphones can be seen on
the screen.  In the first seat from the left is an elf with long
blonde hair tied back in a ponytail.  He wears a trenchcoat, white
shirt and tie.  To his left is a slightly handsome woman, with a
large loop of auburn hair over her right eye (the same woman from
earlier), black sweater and navy blue overcoat.  Next to her is
a Japanese boy with spike, messy hair and a rounded, cheerful face.
He wears a long, light blue vest, t-shirt and shoulder sword sheath.
Finally, the last occupant looks like a slightly darker version of
Crow the robot from MST3K.]

Voiceover:  Hello, and welcome to the Review Zone.  This is the show
where our panel takes the fanfic for the day and expresses their honest
opinions about it.  Kirin, to the far left, covers plot structure and
depth.  Alexis, next to him, will cover grammar and spelling; Hibichi,
next to her, covers characterization and logic, and Crow 2 at the
end will cover the . . . um, JUICIER bits.  We'll start with Kirin --
what do you say?

Kirin:  Actually, I'm a little disappointed in this fic.  I was
expecting a fascinating little psychological chiller -- the mind
of a father-come-sadist, the kind of double life he leads and the
hell he puts his son through.  But it's beginning to turn into some
sort of possession fanfic, which is in my personal opinion an okay
route, but pretty damn cheap.  In addition, if the route follows what
I'm expecting, it'll probably be some character the author either hates
or some long dead villain.  Also, there's far too much concentration
on the sexual aspects of the fic -- a little more psychological study,
or perhaps a long-running streak of prolonged dread, or something to
that effect, and this could've been a really decent fic.  What it's
evolving into instead is something I almost feel a little dirty reading,
as if it were a peep show or something.  Chilling, yes, but in a shallow
way, and rather underdeveloped.  It's clearly a fic which abuses the
characters for abuse's sake, and in the end you come off feeling
slightly off from reading it, although not in the way I suspect the
author intended.  I don't care if it IS a lemon -- it needs depth.
Alexis?

Alexis:  While the fic is sound for the most part grammatically sound,
there are a couple places here and there where sentence structure
seems to go a little awry.  In particular, one sentence earlier on
exemplifies this:

>They all looked to Squall, raised an eyebrow, then looked to Quistis
>as she stood and brushing herself off.

Be careful on the tenses in the future, as such slips can really throw
a reader off.  Also, a few words are misspelled here and there, and
there's one instance where "you're" is used in lieu of "your."  That's
about all I caught -- Hibichi?

Hibichi:  Bear in mind I'm no yaoist, but I'll try to be open about
this.  First of all, I can understand to some extent the whole
Squall/Seifer thing -- there's a twisted logic to the whole "two
guys who seem to hate each other really love each other" concept,
although it feels like the fic doesn't actually explore that
possibility.  What I DON'T like is the suggestion that the other male
heroes of Final Fantasy 8 are not only gay, but also closet rapists.
This really stretches the realm of possibility -- the chances of all
the heroes in any given situation, be they Gundam Wing or Final
Fantasy, being homosexual is unlikely -- and their treatment of
Squall suddenly makes them intensely unlikable.  Squall seems to have
particularly suffered in this fic, transforming from a taciturn,
steadfast and powerful hero into a near quivering wreck, which even
despite the situation given is a bit odd.  The lemon scene is
particularly guilty of this, since he suddenly acts completely
contrary to the Squall we're all familiar with.  Laguna's character
shift isn't explored enough -- perhaps a few more scenes showing him
acting like his normal self, and the creepiness of the fic could've
been increased.  Written this way, however, he just feels out-of-
character.  Even if he deals with Cid just a little bit, that extra
scene detailing Laguna himself would've made the fic so much more
interesting.  One last thing -- the story hints too heavily that
Squall and Laguna's father-son relationship's somewhat close.  It
really isn't in Squall's personality, in my opinion, to call anybody
as close and friendly a term as "Dad."  Of course, yaoists may view
otherwise.  Crow 2?

Crow 2:  Right, I've been dragged in for anatomy, so here I go.  The
writer seems to be concentrating more on the parts than the whole,
which make the scenes seem confusing and slightly improbable.  In
fact, I could've sworn at some points that Squall was slowly turning
into a woman!  And what the hell is an "A-spot" anyway?  A G-spot
is just describing a point of activation for eroticism!  And how do
the two keep an erection that long when they've obviously lost the
feeling?  I mean, SHEESH!

Voiceover:  The producers of the Review Zone would like it to be made
known that the opinions given above are just that -- OPINIONS.  If
anybody, author included, feels otherwise, that's all right; however,
this was not meant to be an argument.  We wish the writer luck on
her completion of the project.  See you next time, folks!

*click*

Legal Mumbo Jumbo:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) by Best Brains Inc.  All rights reserved.

Final Fantasy 8 and all related characters are trademarks of and
(c) by Hironobu Sakaguchi and Squaresoft.

Kaye Osiris, Nekita Gorusama and Marisa Tornosas are properties of
myself and may not be used without permission.

"Control" is property of March Hare. No offense to the author is
intended by this MiSTing.  The MiSTing can and may be pulled down
at the author's request.

All comments, criticisms, flames, and questions as to what I was
drinking at the time may be directed to bodgerkirin@hotmail.com


Bodger's Notes:

I think, perhaps, I'll choose something a little lighter for my next
fic.  This one reminded me a lot of the troubles Neil Gaiman had in
writing a short story once -- he'd write a little, blush, walk away,
and not work on it for eons before he could get back to it.  Same for
me -- I'm not a lemon reader by nature.

Anyway, I hope y'all liked my first adult MiSTing!  I tried to remain
goofy throughout, but I probably sucked anyway.  Oh well.

The reason behind the change of setting is that, simply put, I couldn't
imagine my MAT3K cast doing a fic like this.  It's just too dark and
squidgy.  So I chose a few more characters out of my large group and
used them.  Hope you like them.

Remember:  You can do a fic justice, but you can't give it out.  Don't
MiST and flame, please.


>"Would it really be that horrible if we didn't have clothes on right
>now?"

****Extra****

The Author's Afterthoughts, at Her Request:

Okay, here's what I think:

1) You did a wonderful job commenting on it, I was so amused I nearly
lost my breakfast through my nose. Congrats.

2) I really agree with everything you've said about it from beginning
to end. Everything seems non-bais and well thought-out.

3)I really never had the desire to make that, or any of my fics, what
you tried to make it out to be. I was just having a little fun, being
stupid, and for the most part, getting the damn thought OUT of my head.
As soon as I write something down it's just gone, that's the only
reason for HALF of my fics. I don't like them, never claimed to.

4)It's unfinished for a reason. I don't want to finish it. Like I said,
I didn't like the fic, and where I like yaoi and lemon, my own fics
are just painful to even re-read.

5)I never claimed to know how to spell. ->^.^<-

Go ahead and post it wherever you like. If you put it on Fanfiction.net,
I'll even seek it out and write a positive review for it. You can
unclude my afterthoughts about it if you want, in fact I would almost
prefer if you did. Ja ne.

->The March Hare<-

Bodger: Nice to hear I've got fans.  *grin*