This is a piece that's been on F.T/D-K/ for quite some time, and while I was revamping some sections, I realized that I write a helluva lot better, now, and decided to redo it based on the old version as well as the original chat conference. Travellyr sort of plays the Counting Game _in_ the story, but she's welcome to do a more complete job. I'd really appreciate comments, too ^_^ I'll be re-writing the infamous "Zoi Kitty" MST in the next couple of days, as well. Zoisite84, whose floating up to her eyeballs in 7-up. . . * * * (Two girls sit propped in front of a monitor. The smaller, ZOISITE84, is frantically trying to navigate across the internet using the dinky, sensory-specific mouse pad. TRAVELLYR, her cohort, can't help giggling at her friend's efforts.) TRAVELLYR: Zoi-chan, you're _supposed_ to only use one finger. Otherwise, it can't figure out where you want to go. ZOISITE84: [Grumbling] I'll show _you_ one finger. Why can't your father just get a new mouse? TRAVELLYR: Dad doesn't care about the most up-to-date or efficient products as far as computers go; we'll use this thing to death before getting a regular mouse, Metallia be damned. Scoot over; I want to check my e-mail. ZOISITE84: Just a `sec; lemme say goodbye to everyone on TOC; y'know, I would have been off sooner if this Damned Thing were able to be naviga- hey, Olduvai's on Yahoo Messenger! (The name OLDUVAI_GUMP lights up and Yahoo's default door-knocking noise sounds loudly. ZOISITE84 makes herself comfortable in the main computer chair, and TRAVELLYR pulls up a stool.) OLDUVAI: Hey, you two! I wanted to let you know, I found this really cheesy story hosted on my ex-girlfriend's Team Rocket/Negaverse hentai page - supposedly, a Malachite and Zoycite romance `fic set in the medieval era. The author calls herself "Princess Zoisite." Ever heard of it? ZOISTE84: [Rolling eyes] Have we ever. This is the same girl who becomes insanely furious when someone so much as suggests that the male Zoisite is more legitimate than his female counterpart. I can't decide which is worse: her pictures traced from Disney coloring books, or stories lifted from bad romance novels. . .what's this one called, anyways? OLDUVAI: "For My Lady, Part Two." The first half isn't anything to brag about, either, but I figured you guys would be more interested in the part containing sexual references. TRAVELLYR: Are we ever! Okay, let's get to it. . . >>It was a lovely late afternoon in the kingdom of Silvershene. Sir Malachite was sitting in a lush wood beneath a big oak tree with his love.<< ZOISITE84: Sir Malachite? Silvershene? I guess we can already assume that they're royalty of some _really_ stupid-sounding land, ne? OLDUVAI: Looks about that way; see, even the weather is "lovely." >>It was the perfect spot for lovers - quiet and undisturbed, except for a few little woodland creatures that stared curiously at the couple from a safe distance.<< TRAVELLYR: So, the cast of Bambi is going to watch as they get it on, I take it? ZOISITE84: Well, hopefully that's _all_ they'll be doing; you know that Princess Zoisite has a penchant for bestiality in her hentai `fics. >>Malachite looked at his lady friend, who had her hands resting in her lap, making a little wreath of blue and pink wildflowers she had picked in the wood.<< OLDUVAI: Her hands are resting, yet active enough to be weaving a wreath of flowers? Our little princess is just a bundle of contradictions, eh? TRAVELLYR: And something tells me that Zoisite is just a bit more of an investment for Malachite than a "lady friend." >>Zoisite glanced up at him and then looked down again, a little shyly. Malachite smiled. Her kisses were so sweet. Zoisite did not know just how appealing she was to him. At the moment she looked like a woodland fairy princess.<< ZOISITE84: [Indecipherable gurgling noises] TRAVELLYR: Something wrong, Zoi-chan? ZOISITE84: You bet your butt there is! What is _with_ the constant references to Zoisite being a floofy, fairy princess? It's completely contradictory to the image displayed in the dub of a headstrong woman trying to hold her own in a male-dominated society. Kami-sama, if she's going to insult the general audience by using dubbed characters, she could at least get them _in_ character. >>Warmth filled Malachite's manhood just looking at his little treasure.<< TRAVELLYR: Starting right now, I'm going to count the number of cheesy euphemisms used in this thing. One. >>He wanted to show her just how much passion a man and woman could experience together. He wanted to share his passion with her. For she filled his heart<< ZOISITE84: . . .as well as his manhood. . . >>with happiness and gave him a reason for all his noble quests and deeds. She was his inspiration.<< OLDUVAI: (skeptically) And according to the first half of this, he only just met her the day before. Just what sort of "inspiration" has she given him in such a short time? TRAVELLYR: Sometimes it's best just not to ask, Olduvai-san. >>Zoisite absently wove her flowers together, dreaming little thoughts about Malachite.<< ZOISITE84: (boredly) Why dream when she's got the real thing? >>He was so nice to her. He was thoughtful, he brought her little gifts, he showed her some of his mystic secrets, and he looked out for her safety.<< EVERYONE: Mystic secret?! >>They had shared kisses and cuddling, but not yet had she experienced the "making love."<< TRAVELLYR: Then what the _Hell_ were those "mystic secrets" he was showing her? >>She had been told by her mother and the queen that it was wonderful.<< ZOISITE84: I guess even royal parents back in the day had to have The Sex Talk with their kids. . . OLDUVAI: What mother, especially in medieval times, when the woman hardly had any choice in the matter, describes their daughter's first time to them as "wonderful?" `Just close your eyes and bite your knuckle...it will all be over soon' is more like it. If Princess Twitty knew anything, she would know that most medieval mothers described sex as the most painful, undesirable part of marriage! >>It was one of the greatest joys of being a woman - being able to join with her man and share herself with him.<< ZOISITE84: And pop out a few heirs. We might as well be perfectly honest with the girl, since her parents obviously didn't do a very good job in the department. >>Zoisite wanted to share herself with Malachite, who showed her such kindness and affection.<< TRAVELLYR: Let's see if she's singing the same tune after the first couple of pregnancies. >>Malachite's kisses stirred something deep inside her - they felt so warm and good. She could feel warmth in her womanly parts when he kissed and cuddled her close to him. Zoisite wondered if that feeling was maybe a little bit like what making love was. She sighed.<< ZOISITE84: I think Gita-chan was the one who noticed that Princess Zoisite's characters either suffer from a very serious case of Erectile Dysfunction, or, in the case of Zoisite, unnaturally quick stimulation. A bit of cuddling shouldn't produce _that_ much arousal! >>Malachite began to nuzzle at her ear, making her smile and then giggle. He licked her soft cheek, sending little tingles through her.<< TRAVELLYR: My horse nuzzles my ear like that all the time. ZOISITE84/OLDUVAI: O_O;; TRAVELLYR: Ne, Zoi-chan, _you_ were the one acknowledging Princess Zoisite's use of bestiality in other `fics, not me! >>His hands began to roam softly over her, gently caressing her through her gown. Her fingers fiddled with the wreath, no longer weaving it properly. The handsome knight always had a strong effect on her emotions.<< OLDUVAI: Again, they've only known each other for a day; how in the smegging _Hell_ does she know that?! >>Malachite rested his head against Zoisite. "So, Zoisite, would you like me to show you the joys of making love?" Malachite whispered to his lady friend. Zoisite nodded, murmuring her affirmative. Did she ever!<< ZOISITE84: Well, at least the lack of _foreplay_ is symbolic of the medieval era. . .although Malachite's sure not portraying the typical "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" attitude of men in that day and age. >>Malachite moved himself in front of her<< TRAVELLYR: . . .obstructing her view of the aforementioned woodland creatures, who had caught on and were getting into the general spirit of things, themselves. >>. He gently unfastened her dress, untying lots of laces, and slid it down to her waist. He did the same with her shift, kissing and nibbling at her soft skin as he removed it. He placed her legs in his lap and pulled off her shoes and her hosiery, planting little kisses on the exposed flesh. Malachite lifted her up and pushed her dress and shift the rest of the way down, over her legs, and let it fall to the grass at his side. He lay Zoisite down in front of him, admiring her pale delicate fairy-like body with only her long copper hair surrounding it.<< OLDUVAI: A summary for those of you who didn't catch on: Malachite undressed Zoisite. >>Zoisite lay nude in the lush green grass. It felt so soft and cool beneath her bare skin. It was a marvelous feeling. She felt very much a part of nature.<< ZOISITE84: Right down to the grass stains on her ass. TRAVELLYR: That could have very easily been made into two or even one sentence: "Zoisite lay nude in the lush, green grass; the soft, cool blades felt marvelous against her bare skin, and she felt very much a part of nature." >>Zoisite watched as Malachite removed his clothes, keeping his eyes fixed on her as he did so.<< OLDUVAI: Unfortunately, his eyes were so intently fixed on her that Malachite got himself caught in the worst possible way. He promptly snagged his member on one of the many fasteners on his pants, bled to death, and died, leaving Zoisite and the fornicating woodland creatures to mourn. The End. >>She stared quite in awe of his magnificent body, which was going to join with hers.<< ZOISITE84: Just in case anyone didn't remember, they're going to have sex. She's a virgin, don'tcha know. >>Malachite had quite an impressive figure. Zoisite had not known just how extraordinary a man's body could be. She flushed as she looked at Malachite's grand physique and her sweet innocence touched him even more.<< TRAVELLYR: Teehee - what's that? ZOISITE84: Hey, I'm talking. Look at my _face_ would you? >>Zoisite pulled her eyes away from Malachite's manhood and looked up into his face, which was smiling warmly at her. Her flush deepened. "Wow! He really is amazing," thought Zoisite. She raked her fingers through the grass a bit nervously.<< OLDUVAI: He's got _two_ heads! TRAVELLYR: That's the second time "manhood" had been used. >>"How sweet my little Zoisite is!" thought Malachite. The rosy color staining her cheeks was most becoming.<< ZOISITE84: As were the stains from the lush, green grass all over her porcelain white ass. >>Moving closer to Zoisite and straddling over her, Malachite took hold of one of her hands and brought it to his manhood. "Here, my sweet, feel," he said. "Feel my love pole. It will be yours now." Zoisite cautiously placed her hand around Malachite's big member. How new and mysterious it was!<< EVERYONE: O_O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ZOISITE84: Kami-sama, help us. . .damn. Just. . .damn. OLDUVAI: You know it's bad when Zoi-chan's speechless, eh, Travellyr? Me, I'm disgusted because Malachite's treating her like a six-year- old. . .if her mother really _did_ talk to her in the least about sex and marriage, and Princess Zoisite - the character, not the author - were properly educated in such things, she'd already know what a man's genitalia looks like. TRAVELLYR: On another note, that's three times manhood has been used, and once that our All-Time Favorite Euphemism appears. . .LOVE POLE! >>Soft and smooth, surrounded by silky white hair that matched Malachite's long mane. She could feel a soft throbbing inside and as she held it, it seemed to become firm in her grasp.<< ZOISITE84: Notice how long Zoisite's been naked and how Malachite's body is just now starting to react from it? My previous point is made. >>Malachite watched Zoisite as she curiously discovered the feel of his manhood. "It is changing," she said softly, looking at her lover inquiringly.<< OLDUVAI: Oh, Jesus Christ on a cross. . . >>"Yes, my love," replied Malachite. "For you it becomes bigger and firmer, so that we can enjoy making love together. Only for you, my sweet."<< EVERYONE: (in unison) Bullshit. >>"Ooooh," thought Zoisite as she inquisitively caressed it a bit more. Malachite moaned very, very softly at Zoisite's gentle petting of him.<< TRAVELLYR: If it's not the mixing of humanoid and feline parts, it's references to bestiality. This girl has _problems_. >>Then he leaned down to kiss Zoisite delicately on her lips.<< ZOISITE84: (absentmindedly) Which ones? >>Zoisite drew in her breath as Malachite leaned over her. Her lover's smooth chest pressed gently against her soft breasts and stomach. Malachite's arms were locked firmly in the grass on either side of Zoisite, making her a little "prisoner," but she did not mind at all. She would gladly stay "trapped" beneath Malachite for as long as he wanted her to remain there.<< OLDUVAI: Gee, I wonder if she's trying to imply something, here. . . >>Her hand released Malachite's manroot and went up around his back.<< ZOISITE84: She pulled the knife that had been waiting in Hammer Space for just this opportunity out, stabbed Malachite a couple of times, and pushed him off of her, gathering her clothes and hoping that not too many woodland creatures were going to need psychological counseling. TRAVELLYR: "Manroot" is the fifth euphemism. >>Zoisite's body tingled at the new sensations she was feeling. Malachite's body felt so warm against her own, the weight of it gently pressing against her. It was nice to feel like this<< OLDUVAI: Horny? ZOISITE84: Naked? TRAVELLYR: Morbidly misinformed? >>- loved and wanted.<< EVERYONE: Ohhhhh. >>She felt an excitement that she had never felt before. It was a strange and wonderful feeling. Malachite was so strong and powerful. She could feel all the restrained strength within his body. But Zoisite felt so safe with Malachite. She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her.<< ZOISITE84: But if he ever did, he could just claim that she hurt herself - if her parents are anywhere as stupid as she is, he won't have much to worry about. TRAVELLYR: Doesn't this girl know how to combine sentences? The way she says everything so matter-of-fact and bluntly, you'd think she was in third grade. OLDUVAI: (dryly) She probably is. >>Malachite was very careful not to lean too hard on Zoisite, for he did not wish to crush her with his weight. She was delicately made, like a fairy creature. Her soft body felt so wonderful against his. His lips brushed hers softly, and his nose nuzzled against hers in a sweet little "kiss" of its own.<< ZOISITE84: [Chanting to herself] Thou shalt not kill. . .thou shalt not kill. . . >>Malachite licked Zoisite's lips slowly, enjoying the feel of her silkness. Then his tongue gently pushed between them, and explored the inside as well. Zoisite murmured softly through the kiss she was receiving. Malachite's kisses felt so nice! His skin was smooth and soft and he smelled good. He had a musky masculine scent that was uniquely his. Zoisite felt Malachite's long silky locks tumble forward and brush against her cheek. Malachite had such wonderful hair. Everything about him felt so good to her.<< OLDUVAI: A quick recap: Malachite kisses Zoisite, who practically goes into cardiac arrest once she discovers the full package. >>After a while, Malachite slid his tongue from Zoisite's sweet little mouth and moved on to her neck. Malachite lingered there for a bit, placing kisses around it and nuzzling with his nose. Zoisite gently massaged her lover's back to show her approval. Zoisite found that her breathing was staggered, and came in little gasps now. She quivered with anticipation of what her love would do to her next.<< TRAVELLYR: If he's anywhere as brain-dead as the dub makes him out to be, he'll need to read the directions before attempting to go any further. ZOISITE84: Let me see. . .place Tab A into Slot B and wriggle around. . . >>Malachite leaned up and gently cupped one of Zoisite's soft breasts in his hand. It was a perfect fit - not very large but enough for a handful.<< OLDUVAI: (dryly) That's really all you need. No sense in having an abundance of tit that'll never get used. >>Malachite stroked it lovingly with his thumb and forefinger, and reached over to caress the other one, too. They were pale and smooth, with soft pink little nipples that hardened as Malachite stimulated them. Zoisite felt her breasts tingle warmly at Malachite's touch. She never knew that her breasts could be so sensitive. Malachite placed his mouth over one of her breasts and licked it, giving it a little bath with his tongue. Then he sucked on Zoisite's breast gently like a little baby would suckle her.<< TRAVELLYR: The latest news: Malachite likes Zoisite's breasts. A lot. >>Zoisite inhaled sharply at the sensation. She felt as if her breast were on fire and ice. She couldn't quite describe it.<< ZOISITE84: And neither could the author. >>But it was thrilling to her senses, like nothing she had ever felt before. Zoisite moaned softly as her lover suckled her. Malachite was greatly enjoying the taste of Zoisite's breast. "She is so sweet," he thought. He generously sucked and licked her breast and then treated the other one to the same delights. He smiled at Zoisite's soft moaning. She was feeling happy and that made Malachite feel good.<< OLDUVAI: This just in: Zoisite is glad that Malachite likes her breasts. >>Zoisite stroked Malachite's soft hair as he sucked her. Her fingers played in the smooth white strands. Malachite reached down and carefully placed a finger in Zoisite's love tunnel. It was getting damp. She would be ready for him soon.<< ZOISITE84: It's just like warm, apple pie. . . TRAVELLYR: Don't start, Zoi-chan. I haven't seen that movie yet, and I don't intend to ever. In any case, "love tunnel" certainly makes number six on our List of Euphemisms. >>Malachite began to kiss her all down her stomach, down to her womanhood. He planted kisses on the pink petals of Zoisite's womb opening. A small stream of fluid flowed from her.<< OLDUVAI: A small stream of fluid? Please. Not unless she peed on him! TRAVELLYR: Womanhood, petals, womb opening - that makes nine. >>Zoisite whimpered in her anticipation. "Now we can join together," said Malachite. "Are you ready, my dear?"<< ZOISITE84: Well, she practically peed on you; isn't _that_ as good of a sign as any? >>"Yes," Zoisite whispered. She quivered excitedly. Now she would have the true, full experience of lovemaking.<< OLDUVAI: And then, I'll be a Real Boy! Oh, wait. . . >>Malachite gently placed his manhood at the edge of Zoisite's womanhood. Her petals glistened with her love nectar. He carefully spread the little opening with his thumb and forefinger, and guided his manhood inside. Zoisite gasped softly as he did this to her. What a feeling! Her body responded and made way for Malachite's bigness, letting him fill her up with his manroot. Malachite eased himself forward in gentle thrusts until he found the little barrier that was Zoisite's maidenhead. He would have to break it in order to truly make love to Zoisite. Zoisite felt the slight resistance inside her and looked up at her lover inquisitively.<< TRAVELLYR: Manhood; womanhood; petals; love nectar; bigness; manroot; maidenhead?! That's just one paragraph! Though, I'll forgive maidenhead, since that's actually a valid term. In any case, that's fifteen separate times. >>"I must hurt you a little bit to love you, my dear," said Malachite. "But it will not hurt long. Then you will be a maiden no more. You will be my woman." "Yes," said Zoisite. That was what she most wanted. She wrapped her legs around his back and squeezed, urging him to continue. She trusted her lover. Malachite thrust forward in quick gentle thrusts and broke through Zoisite's maidenhead.<< ZOISITE84: Her maidenhead isn't _that_ thick; all that thrusting isn't necessary. >>Zoisite uttered a little cry as her maidenhead was broken. A single tear rolled down her cheek from the pain.<< OLDUVAI: [Sneering] Wimp. >>Malachite lovingly kissed it away. "Are you all right, Zoisite?" he asked, petting her head comfortingly.<< ZOISITE84: [Singing bawdily] I thought there's no use getting / into heavy petting / it only leads to trouble / and seat wetting. . . >>"Mmmhmm," she murmured, shaking a little. "I…I'm all right. Is it over now?" She hoped that was all there was to the hurting part.<< TRAVELLYR: I wonder if her maidenhead is _all_ he broke. . . >>"Yes, Zoisite," replied her lover. He wanted to make her experience the passionate joy with him.<< OLDUVAI: The passionate joy of _what_? This is sounding more retarded by the minute. >>"Now you will feel good, my little woman."<< ZOISITE84: So much for the dominant female living it up in a prominently male society. . . >>He moved inside her again, thrusting all the way forward as far as he could go. Malachite rocked his hips back and forth, groaning softly at how good it felt to have his "sword" sheathed inside Zoisite's little love tunnel.<< EVERYONE: O_O Ouch! TRAVELLYR: That's a painful seventeen euphemisms we're up to. >>Zoisite gasped, astonished at how good she felt now. The pain melted away and in its place came a slowly growing and spreading pleasure. It was a new feeling, being loved from the inside. The double stimuli of Malachite's outside caressing and internal thrusts brought her delight beyond anything else. She groaned with pleasure at the sensations Malachite caused her to feel. She writhed and twisted in ecstasy, the grass rubbing against her bare skin.<< ZOISITE84: And we're at the fifty yard line, now, still going strong. . . >>Zoisite arched herself into her lover and thrashed her head around, gasping for air<< OLDUVAI: This just in: Zoisite gets sucked into Malachite through his weiner, and realizes all-too-quickly that it doesn't come with a fresh supply of oxygen. >>as Malachite's thrusting got faster and faster. Malachite came and a long, hot stream of love juice flowed through Zoisite.<< ZOISITE84: Touchdown! TRAVELLYR: Eighteen euphemisms. >>She gasped at the strange new feeling. Malachite continued to thrust into her until Zoisite felt herself going over the edge.<< OLDUVAI: She fell off of the cliff that Malachite, in his haste, had perched them on, and died immediately. The End. >>She experienced a wonderful climax of her own. "Oh, Malachite," she gasped breathlessly.<< ZOISITE84: Is it. . .over? TRAVELLYR: Almost. >>"Zoisite," whispered Malachite, who was also out of breath. "My love."<< OLDUVAI: (snidely) Why, Malachite, are you always this articulate? >>"Thank you, Malachite," said Zoisite. "You made my dream come true for me."<< EVERYONE: You get cheap thrills, dear. >>Malachite smiled at his love. What a joy she was to him! He would do anything and face anything for her. He would always fight to keep her safe, happy and by his side.<< ZOISITE84: Well, that was perfectly putrid. I guess we should attempt to be fair, though. Anyone have any suggestions for the author? TRAVELLYR: When you use euphemisms nearly twenty times in such a short piece, you probably shouldn't be writing hentai stories. Try being anatomically correct in your language; saying "penis" is not lewd, it's a given if there's a male in your story. OLDUVAI: Work on your characterization. It's sickening to hear Zoisite constantly referred to as either a fairy-like creature or an innocent princess. Also, your time frame really clashed with the way Malachite was acting towards Zoisite - sex, in those days, was not meant to be a pleasant, loving event. It was a necessary duty of the woman to the man, and if your story is truly set in the medieval period, the plot should have followed thusly. ZOISITE84: And for Kami-sama's sake, lose the bestiality overtones; there's only so many times Malachite can "pet" Zoisite before we begin to wonder. OLDUVAI: Well, I think that's it. Anyways, I've got to be at the coffee shop relatively early tomorrow morning, so I should be going. Later, you two! (OLDUVAI logs off of Yahoo Messenger, and her sign-on name no longer lit up. ZOISITE84 and TRAVELLYR both stare at the screen for a moment, and then turn to each other.) ZOISITE84: I guess you wanted to check your e-mail, now? (TRAVELLYR's pesky brother, JASON, chooses this moment to walk into the computer room, armed with an album of Pokemon cards.) JASON: Hey, you two, want to see how Pikachu does against Goldeen? ZOISITE84: O_O TRAVELLYR: Actually, Zoi-chan, I think we'd be much happier just popping some Slayers tapes into the VCR upstairs. . . (The two girls quickly vacate the room, JASON and a shitload of Pokemon cards in tow.) * * * The Clincher: Moving closer to Zoisite and straddling over her, Malachite took hold of one of her hands and brought it to his manhood. "Here, my sweet, feel," he said. "Feel my love pole. It will be yours now." Zoisite cautiously placed her hand around Malachite's big member. How new and mysterious it was!